#benefits of not getting in: i wouldn't have to live in pittsburgh

[apocellipse]

gonna pay carnegie mellon $150 just to tell me i suck

[stuckinapril]

girl help i'm suffering. i've been talking to this guy online (met through a now ex bf) for about two full months and we fell really hard for each other. the main issues were that 1. i'm still recovering from my prev relationship and 2. it would be an ldr (from michigan to pennsylvania), which we both currently have no idea how to navigate nor did we have a plan so we agreed not to date. yesterday we also agreed to take some time away from each other bc of my first thing, and i know i'll work my stuff out in about a month or two given some time and self care. the issue is: what then? i don't want to move on from him. i really really love him and i know men are a dime a dozen and they'll always come and go but i love him so much and he loves me too. he doesn't even know what i look like and he said he didn't need to because he he fell in love with me just from about everything you could get from texts and the four hour long calls we would have. all of today i've just been looking at potential summer internships in pittsburgh and maybe even going to grad school at cmu (cs/ds is my major, cmu is a top school for it but the tuition is $$$)

i love him so much. and honestly i think it's ok to chase a man if i'm chasing up and not down yknow?? maybe it's silly and this will all burn and fizzle out but i think i would really regret never trying. he's thoughtful and maybe he's bad at texting but he always took up my offers to call whenever i knew he was available and i just feel like i could spend forever with him. i've always wanted to live in a big city away from my hometown, but now i want it to be with him.

what do i do? :( i just feel like i want to hold onto these feelings just a little longer. the pain reminds me that it was all real and not just in my head. i'm done sacrificing everything for school and success, i gave up my hobbies and all of my energy and time and happiness just to succeed, and i feel so lifeless. i want to be young and spontaneous and i know i can move on and maybe it's what i technically should do, but i just want to be silly and stupid and make safe dumb decisions and be with him even if it's just for a summer. of course i won't compromise my entire future, but i just really want to see him.

it could very well be that you're truly in love. it could also very well be that you're infatuated & looking for comfort after a breakup. this is a phase i went through fresh off my ex as well, so i understand. it's very mature of you to sort your shit out before jumping into something. rebounding would be unfair to all parties involved. the rest of my answer is w the assumption that you'll have gotten over your breakup in a couple months & you're still into him, but it's totally cool if you sort of got some clarity & realized maybe this isn't what you want.

as a fellow stem major who dedicates lots of time to school, i can definitely understand where you're coming from. i really don't recommend you tank your career either haha, but your choice seems very strategic & reasonable. an internship where he lives is the perfect opportunity to expose yourself to what it would be like to be in physical proximity w him, while benefiting from the stay simultaneously.

my one thing is--def have a trial period. your internship could be your trial period. maybe you guys have great chemistry apart, but in person he's not what you expected him to be. the fact that he doesn't know how you look like does play a factor as well, even tho i don't doubt that he's crazy about you. try it out, basically, but consider the internship a test run--a chance to get a feel for him in person & see if it's something worth pursuing.

i'm waaary of long distance, just bc it's so fucking hard to make work. at the same time, i'm also a firm believer that your soulmate isn't only found in your city--they can be anywhere in this world. and if you wanna try to make it work w someone who lives far, then that's beautiful and should be honored. i just wouldn't jump the gun and revamp my entire life for someone i didn't meet in person yet if i were you. while i'm sure you spent a lot of time w him, online personas can have a way of being very filtered. who knows. maybe he's extremely authentic. that's what you're trying to find out. also watch some long-distance videos for advice. just research the fuck out of that dynamic. i think that would go a long way.

never stop asking yourself if he'd do the same for you. it's okay to be the one to make some sacrifices at first, but he should return that energy somehow. has he expressed that he'd be willing to at all?

and pls pls pls, be safe. women always go the extra mile of telling guys they're literally all they have. that is so unsafe. let other people know about your plan, if you go through w it (for safety reasons). make the smartest choices you possibly can. ik you're crazy in love right now, but do not. dooo not. put all your eggs in one basket. try it out, but do not put this guy on this impossible pedestal. do not assume he's perfect when you haven't even met him in person yet. do not put yourself in financial debt for feelings you think have a possibility of fizzling out. i think both of y'all need to slow down. not to completely ditch the prospect, but to slow down.

safe dumb decisions, just like you said. not permanent ones for a potentially temporary feeling.