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starboygrove · 2 years

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Surviving Eddie Munson - Epilogue

Steve and Eddie have been living in Providence, Rhode Island for just a little under three years now. With the money awarded to them from their settlements, a combined total reaching just over one hundred thousand dollars, they were able to organize the move and execute it by the end of the year.

Understandably so, the teens were incredibly sad to see them leave. Max refused to speak to them for nearly two weeks before El was able to talk some sense into her. She ended up crying the hardest when they said their goodbyes, which was a feat when considering the amount of emotional distress Dustin was in. The young men made good on their promises to come back and visit, carving out time in their new busy lives to visit for Spring Break of ’87, and almost the entire month of June the same year once school was out.

Nancy and Robin had joined them on that visit, and they turned the ride back into a scenic road trip, enjoying the gorgeous landscape of the Upper Midwest and the entirety of the East Coast. Incredibly fond memories were made that summer, as well as the next. Being just a short hour long drive to Boston, the four friends were able to keep up with their bonds quite easily, blending their two new friendships together as the time passed by.

Their most recent foray to their hometown of Hawkins, Indiana, was for the teens’ high school graduation ceremony. It was an unbearably hot day for early June in ’89, but Steve and Eddie couldn’t be happier for their younger friends. Relatively speaking, they got to experience high school like normal teenagers, blooming into adulthood with a strong sense of self and safety that the two of them had missed out on. But they wouldn’t have it any other way, and did their best to show their love by being the most obnoxious fan-boys when each of the kids walked the stage to receive their diplomas.

All of the young teens’ lives are just beginning, spread across the country now that they have been accepted into and are attending their respective colleges of choice. To no ones surprise, Dustin got into Stanford’s engineering program in California, the little genius that he is. Still going strong all these years later, he and Suzie are finally able to live in the same city, much to their delight.

Max and El found their way to Portland after blindly throwing darts at a map until one landed directly on a city. Neither of them have decided on a major yet and are taking their general education classes at a community college to try and find something that sparks joy.

Lucas stayed in Indiana to remain close to his family, attending Butler university with his girlfriend Lisa. He got in on a full ride sports scholarship and the two of them are top students in the exercise science program.

Mike and Will are still in the Midwest as well after the latter got a generous scholarship to the Art Institute of Chicago. Mike decided that higher education isn’t for him, instead focusing on his newfound career as a dog groomer and providing for his boyfriend.

Outside of their trips, Steve and Eddie have built a beautiful life for themselves in their new city. They were able to buy a plot of land and carve out a home with enough room for their family to grow someday, if that ever becomes a possibility for them. For the most part, they have to keep their relationship a secret for safety purposes, but they have found a community in Providence that loves and respects them for who they truly are.

Eddie wasted no time securing a job at another record store, surrounding himself with people just as passionate about music as he is. Within those walls he has found a deep friendship with the owner’s daughter Lori, a fiery young woman who fondly reminded him of Max when they first met. They hit it off immediately, and to their delight they have more than just a passion for music in common. Lori’s girlfriend Alison is her polar opposite, but they balance each other fantastically. She’s a freelance artist, responsible for a good portion of the colorful murals that can be spotted around the city.

Steve took his time deciding what he wanted to do with his future career; the possibilities were seemingly endless, but after learning about their neighbor down the road, he knew he found his calling. Their closest neighbor David, a multi-generational Rhode Islander, is a mechanic by trade. His family’s business began to suffer after his father’s untimely death, unable to manage both the sales and repairs on his own. Steve offered to purchase half of the shop with the rest of his settlement money, and just like that, he became a business co-owner. They work well together, in the sense that Steve knows nothing about how to repair cars, and that David knows nothing about how to talk to people. His better half Patrick, as he would say, takes care of that for him in all other aspects of his life.

Robin and Nancy have gathered a wide array of friends during their time in college, both being social butterflies in their own ways. Living in such a big, new city, the avenues that opened up for the young women let them flourish in their respective personalities. There is a boisterous queer community in Boston for them to seek safety in, and as is the case with Eddie and Steve, the majority of their friend group is also queer in some capacity. They have one friend in specific that they have grown the closest to, a young adult who goes by the name Blake. Robin met them during freshman orientation and the three of them grew close immediately. Blake has been a sort of tour guide for both the city, but as well as the queer community the women are now deeply entwined in. Their new friend is openly gender nonconforming, using neither male nor female pronouns, and has shown the two small town women how to be out and proud about their identities.

When all of their loved ones get the invitation, it was no question as to whether or not they would come to witness their declaration of devotion to one another. Technically speaking, they have been engaged for nearly three years, and decided to finally make it ‘official’ last fall. Alison was more than happy to custom make their save-the-date cards for October 13th, 1989.

After a year of planning, Steve and Eddie are waking up on the morning of their wedding day together in the cottage they have rented for the occasion. They decided to go with a low-key venue tucked deep into the countryside of Rhode Island, with multiple cottages to house their guests, topped off with a large renovated barn to act as a reception hall.

It’s already a gorgeous day when they roll out of bed together; a bright blue sky greets them as they sit on the private balcony connected to their bedroom, cuddling up on the small wicker sofa with matching serene smiles on their faces. There is a soft, nearly chilly breeze that rustles the multicolored trees surrounding the property. The serenity of the peaceful morning doesn’t last for very long however; once the rest of the guests start to wake and emerge, the calm of the mid morning is lost.

Everyone present for the occasion is now currently getting ready in varying states of anxiety and excitement, and the grooms are no exception.

“Where is it!? I swear I put it out on the table last night, what the hell could have happened to it?” Steve is frantically looking for his tie, digging through piles of clothes, opening all of the drawers and cabinets he can, only to run face first into Eddie looming in the doorway to the bathroom.

“Babe. It was on the bathroom counter. Chill for a second with me?” He gently guides Steve by his arm to the bed and sits him down on the edge, taking his partner’s face into his hands lovingly.

“You. Are. Stressing. Me. Out.” He says, emphasizing each word with a gentle squish of Steve’s cheeks.

Rolling his eyes in return, he peels Eddie’s hands from his face to squeeze them tightly in his grasp. “I just want everything to be perfect today, but more importantly, on time.”

“And that’s why we woke up three hours before we even have to leave this room and walk about five hundred feet to the altar. Everything will be perfect, because you’re perfect.”

That seems to do the trick. Steve visibly relaxes his tightly wound body and gives Eddie a chaste kiss on the mouth.

“You’re more perfect,” he mumbles teasingly.

“Don’t you dare start, I won’t be arguing with you on this holy day of matrimony!”

“Darling, there is nothing holy about getting married on Friday the Thirteenth.”

“Exactly why I chose it,” Eddie replies with a satisfied grin.

There was a lot of compromising that had to occur during the planning of this event. They agreed on very few aspects, such as the time, décor, location, etcetera. After months of disagreement, they finally sat down and made a list of what was more important to whom; this is how they wound up with an outdoor wedding in the countryside with black and red decorations on a superstitious holiday.

A knock at the door grabs their attention. Eddie answers it to find Robin and Alison in their pajamas but with their hair fully done and a full face of makeup already applied, a jarring juxtaposition that makes Steve chuckle at the sight.

“Room service!” Alison jokes, holding out a tray of breakfast for the men to enjoy as they get ready for the big day.

“You really didn’t have to…thank you, this is really sweet of you guys,” Eddie replies with a warm smile.

“We are but your humble servants, m’lord.” Robin bows deeply with a pleased grin.

“Really, thank your dad and his wife, they’ve been up all morning cooking breakfast for everyone,” Alison adds on.

“Shit, I should have known he would pull something like this,” he laughs. “I told him this is his time to relax too!”

“Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, I’ve missed Wayne’s pancakes,” Steve says wistfully from behind, sneaking over to take the tray into the bedroom.

“Well okay you two, enjoy!” Alison chirps with a small wave.

“See you soon!” Robin sing-songs, practically bounding down the hall to catch up with their mutual friend.

They sit down on the balcony to enjoy their meal, sipping coffee and laughing at the teens’ antics from below. The boys were adamant that they be in charge of setting up the altar, which isn’t going as smoothly as they might have originally hoped.

“A little to the left,” Steve whispers, leaning forward over the railing to watch intently. “Just a smidge and—ooh! That’s gotta hurt,” he leans back into his seat with a breathy laugh.

“Where is El, she’d have this up in ten seconds flat,” Eddie muses from behind the rim of his coffee mug.

“Yes, but then we would have to murder our lovely friends for witnessing a former secret government weapon in action, and I don’t think that is on the to-do list for today.”

“Boo! How dare you use logic,” Eddie jeers with a laugh.

They finish their breakfast and start getting ready, showering together then helping each other get dressed and styling each other’s hair, a routine that they have become so familiarized with it’s nearly as easy as breathing.

Eddie has kept his hair basically the same as it was when he and Steve first met, with gentle tendrils of curls falling over his shoulders and masterfully manipulated bangs sitting over his forehead. He is dressed in black head to toe, as always, except for a pop of a deep burgundy color in the form of his suit’s pocket square. Steve on the other hand has grown into his role as a salesman, keeping his hair trimmed neat and tidy in the back, yet maintaining his nickname as ‘the hair’ with a perfectly styled coif in front. As per the theme, his suit is the yin to Eddie’s yang, a gorgeous dark red with a black pocket square.

The two of them admire each other in the mirror for a while before making their way downstairs. Their cottage is the only one that houses just two people, an intimately cozy two story structure with stone walls and wood floors. Just outside the front door are all of their guests patiently waiting for their arrival, seated in folding chairs. It was impossible for them to choose who to include in the wedding party, so in the end, they decided that everyone is of equal status in the occasion and have no groom’s maids or men. With simple instructions of ‘black or dark red cocktail attire’, the sea of loved ones have taken the dress code to heart, fashionably matching the grooms spectacularly.

Once they open the door to walk down the aisle together arm in arm, their friend Lori takes the cue and starts playing a rendition of Richard Wagner’s Wedding March on her violin in minor key. Everyone rises for their entrance, and the couple is preceded by Holly Wheeler, taking her role as flower girl very seriously by gently tossing a basket of rose petals to mark the path to the altar. Eddie gives her an affectionate fist bump before she returns to her seat next to her family, garnering a few chuckles from the audience.

Hopper, the unofficial officiant, glances between the two men adoringly before clearing his throat to begin the ceremony.

“Friends, family, ghouls, and gremlins,” He waits for the inevitable round of laughter before continuing. “We are gathered here today to witness the commitment of partnership between Eddie and Steve Munson. Thank you all for coming to be a part of this celebration of life, love, and the joining of two souls as one. Marriage is a long held tradition, one that binds two people together with love and devotion, a right that these two men do not yet have access to. Be that as it may, the vows they make today represent an equally important commitment to their partner and will serve as the foundation of their union as one.”

Hopper pauses briefly to turn the page in his leather bound notebook and makes a subtle attempt to wipe away a tear forming in his eye.

“I now ask Steve and Eddie to officially make their commitment to this union.”

He turns to Steve and gives him an encouraging nod. “Do you, Steve Munson, take Eddie Munson to be your life partner? To love and cherish him as long as you live?”

Steve breaks his eye contact with Hopper to turn to Eddie, giving his hands a gentle squeeze. “I do,” he says confidently with a wide grin.

“And do you, Eddie Munson, take Steve Munson to be your life partner? To love and cherish him as long as you live?” Hopper asks with a tender smile.

“Hell yeah I do!” Eddie cheers boisterously, causing a chorus of teary chuckles from the audience. Steve’s shoulders shake with silent laughter as he rolls his eyes in amusement.

Hopper addresses the audience once again while retrieving an ornate box from underneath the podium he is standing at. “The rings you exchange today are the physical embodiment of the love that you share. They represent the commitment and the devotion of yourself to your partner as a continuous, unending band.”

He opens the box to reveal two tungsten carbide wedding bands with each other’s names and their wedding date inscribed on the inside. Presenting the box to Steve, he delicately lifts Eddie’s ring out of the velvet holder, holding it in the palm of his hand before he recites his vows.

“Dearest, darling Eddie,” he begins with a wide smile. “Please take this ring as a token of my love for you above all others. I promise to respect and support you wholeheartedly through whatever challenges life may bring. With his ring, I am yours, forever and always.” He slips the ring onto the appropriate finger, gazing lovingly into his partner’s eyes.

Eddie openly wipes at his eyes with the palms of his hands before taking the remaining ring out of the box. “Steve,” he says breathlessly. “Please take this ring as a token of my love for you above all others. I promise to respect and support you wholeheartedly through whatever challenges life may bring. With this ring, I am yours, you little shit.” He whispers the last part so only Steve can hear, coaxing a wet chuckle out of the other man.

Hopper, close enough to hear as well, snorts at the unexpected addition. “Marriage is a life long commitment that you make to one another. As you devote yourself fully and freely to your partner, remember to make your partner feel loved and appreciated with each new day of your union. Cherish the special feelings, both the good and the bad, and your marriage will evolve into an endless circle of love and support. It is my honor to now officially introduce Mr. and Mr. Munson. You may now seal this union with your first kiss as a married couple!”

The deafening applause resonates all around them as they draw each other in for a loving kiss. Eddie dramatically dips Steve low for a brief moment before setting them upright, each man holding onto each other so tightly as if the other would float away if they let go.

At the behest of Jonathan, they pose for a few pictures at the altar, an abundance of rose petals raining onto them thanks to the efforts of Dustin and Lucas just outside the frame. They make their way through the crowd of loved ones, everyone congratulating them and commenting on the beauty of the moment.

As a group they head over to the barn where they all tirelessly decorated the building the night prior. Their efforts have paid off greatly, transforming the admittedly rustic interior to something dark and magical. Everyone mingles with each other, catching up on the recent events in their lives, buzzing with residual excitement leftover from just witnessing Eddie and Steve’s union. It will be a while yet until it is time for their meal, courtesy of a queer catering company that has just begun to arrive to set things up.

“Henderson!” Steve exclaims when his friend makes his way over to the happy couple, pulling the younger man into his arms for a tight hug. “You’re practically glowing with that tan, California seems to be suiting you well?”

“You don’t even know the half of it, man!”

They chat excitedly about Dustin’s first few months of college, and Steve couldn’t be happier for him; it’s clear that he’s really flourishing in the new environment.

“I don’t think Stanford would be the same without Suzie though,” he remarks, then swivels his head around to try and catch a glimpse of his girlfriend. “Ah! There she is.”

She’s standing in a group with her sister Eden, who is accompanied by her boyfriend Argyle, along with Jonathan and his girlfriend Delilah. The six of them have become close over the years, more especially as of late with Dustin and Suzie relocating close to the other young adults, who have been deeply rooted in San Francisco for a few years now.

They all look happy and healthy, laughing amongst themselves, and the trio greets them with enthusiasm as they reach the group.

“Hi! Oh my gosh, that was so beautiful! I think I went through half a box of tissues just on my own. Oh, where are my manners, my name is Delilah!” Jonathan’s girlfriend babbles before exuberantly shaking Steve and Eddie’s hands.

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” Steve says earnestly, shooting a knowing glance at Jonathan. For many of the couples present, these two are no exception to the rule that opposites attract.

“Long time no see,” Eddie says with a wry grin, giving Argyle and Jonathan quick fist bumps. The last time they were all together in one place the three of them tried out-smoking each other, resulting in a truly spectacular night of buffoonery.

“You both look absolutely stunning. I love the decorations, by the way!” Eden says excitedly, giving each of the men a brief hug.

“Of course you’d say that,” Suzie replies teasingly. “I have to agree with my sister though, it’s like walking into a really fancy vampire’s house.”

Eddie gasps, a hand flying up to his chest theatrically. “That is exactly what I was going for!”

Lucas and Erica join them to give their congratulations, also commenting on the choice of décor.

“It fits your vibe perfectly,” Erica remarks, pointing at Eddie. “But princess over here? How did you get him to agree to it?” The young teen scoffs at the thought of Steve having any input in the dark theme.

“Hey! I can be all cool and mysterious too,” Steve protests at the remark.

Everyone stares at him wordlessly before Eddie barks out a laugh that catapults the group into a contagious bout of laughter.

“There were compromises to be had, that’s for sure. Let’s just say that we both got what we wanted out of this.”

“Oh, Lucas, sorry about Lisa by the way. We were so bummed when you told us she got the flu,” Steve says when he remembers why his girlfriend is absent.

“Thanks man, she was really upset too. I wanted to stay to keep her company, but she wasn’t having any of it, something about not needing a man to take care of her,” he responds with a sheepish shrug.

“She’s got that right!” Erica exclaims, to which the women present wholeheartedly agree, much to their respective boyfriend’s chagrin.

They part with the group and make their way around the reception to greet some of the other guests. Max and El give them a crushing hug, nearly falling over with the force of it. The girls have grown up into happy and carefree young women, a sight that Steve and Eddie are proud to see.

“I can’t wait to get these photos developed, you guys were making THE stupidest faces up there,” Max says gleefully, taking the opportunity to snap another candid picture of them with her disposable camera.

“What she really means is that you guys looked great!” El corrects in attempt to save their feelings, like the sweetheart she is.

“No, I think she meant it,” Eddie says with affection. “Max just tells people she loves them in her own special way.”

“She never says anything mean like that to me, though,” El responds with a small frown.

“That’s because I love-love you, BIG difference!” Max says quickly with a kiss to her girlfriend’s cheek, leaving behind a lipstick stain. “Unless you want me to be mean to you?”

“I think I prefer things the way they are,” she replies with a dreamy smile on her face.

Mike and Will come to greet the happy couple, joining the four of them and doling out another round of hugs. Steve is still a little surprised at how mature they look, growing from the once tiny middle-schoolers into the young men standing before him. Mike has now surpassed his and Eddie’s heights, something that they probably should have seen coming.

“So, you two are next, right?” Eddie jokes with an impish grin that lights Will’s face on fire and has Mike stumbling over his words.

“Woah, relax you guys,” Steve snickers, and the two young men look between themselves in silent communication before speaking at the same time.

“Well, I mean, like--”

“The thing is--”

“We…are?” Will blurts out quickly with a grimace.

“We just didn’t want to overshadow your day with the news, is all. We were planning on telling everyone tomorrow,” Mike clarifies with a stiff shrug.

“Are you serious! That’s amazing,” Steve shouts, pulling them in for yet another embrace.

“It’s not a competition, you guys,” Eddie remarks with a small chuckle.

They part ways to move onto the next group, giving the couple full permission to tell anyone they please, regardless of the day’s occasion. Nancy and Robin ambush them on their way to talk to their local friends, linking arms with the two men.

“Well hello there, Mr. and Mr. Munson, how do you do?” Robin greets cheerfully.

“Hello you two, enjoying yourselves?” Eddie asks suspiciously.

“Of course! This is a wonderful day, bound to get better as the time goes on,” Nancy says cryptically.

“Alright, spit it out,” Steve demands, eyeing his friends in an attempt to figure out what their motives are.

“We were thinking,” they say at the same time before pausing to laugh.

“Later, perhaps some of us could take a little jaunt into the woods together?” Robin asks rhetorically. “A little birdie told me that some of our guests have brought some fantastic souvenirs from their state of residence.”

“That little birdie being me, of course,” Lori says once they’ve made their way over to their group of Rhode Islanders.

“Fast friends with Argyle, huh? Should have seen that one coming from a mile away,” Eddie says knowingly.

“I knew I heard something in the woods last night!” Steve exclaims, feeling like he just found a missing puzzle piece.

“If it’s anything like the stuff you guys brought back from California last year, I’m SO in,” David agrees readily.

“Count me out,” Patrick says with a chuckle. “Any of your other adult friends sober?”

“Will, El, Suzie, and hopefully Dustin; lord knows he doesn’t need the encouragement. And Blake, but you guys knew that already.” Robin lists off the names, counting on her fingers.

“Delilah, too,” Steve adds on. “So you’ll have plenty of folks to commiserate with over our illicit activities.” He waggles his brows teasingly.

“I can keep you company, Patrick,” Alison offers. “I have a feeling that I’m going to be taking care of this one for the rest of the day anyways.” She pats her girlfriend’s arm lovingly where they’re linked together.

They all laugh at Lori’s aggrieved expression, fully knowing that Alison is correct in her assumption.

It takes them a while to peel themselves away from their boisterous friend group to continue to greet their beloved guests. Nearly all of the parents and guardians present are gathered in a group, talking amongst themselves and turn to congratulate the newlyweds in unison when they approach.

Claudia Henderson draws both of them in for a brutally tight hug, nearly squeezing the life out of them. She’s still got a tissue clutched in her hand, clearly deeply moved by the occasion.

“I can’t help it, I’m just so happy for you boys!” She cries out. “But it’s so bittersweet, you deserve to be able to get married the real way!”

Eddie furrows his brows and draws her in for another hug, patting her back to console her. “This is more than we could have ever dreamed of, don’t worry about things like that. Maybe one day we will be able to sign a piece of paper, but this is more real for us than a simple document could ever be.”

“I couldn’t have said it better myself,” Steve agrees with a warm smile.

They are discussing their favorite moments from the ceremony when Holly runs up to get her mother’s attention for something seemingly urgent.

“Speaking of the little ghoul,” Eddie says, beaming down at the Wheeler’s youngest child. “My favorite part was our flower girl here. I can’t think of a single other person who could have executed the role better than you, Holly.”

She blushes at the praise and smiles shyly in return, earning a round of additional sentiments from the other adults. Karen Wheeler escorts her away when it is revealed she’s lost her headphones.

“Won’t be long until you’ve got one of your own,” Ted Wheeler remarks sagely.

“Pardon me if this is insensitive, but how exactly would you go about having a child together?” Charles Sinclair asks politely, a question that the couple has thought about on their own several times.

“Charles!” His wife, Sue Sinclair, exclaims out of embarrassment.

“No, it’s alright, we’re not offended at all! We’re really open to talking about these sorts of things, it’s a valid question,” Steve replies sincerely. “There are a lot of different ways that we could have children together, but we are leaning towards surrogacy. It’s still going to be a while before we start that chapter, so for now we take any chance we get to dote on the kids already present in our lives.”

“We’ve had enough experience with those gremlins to know that we want to wait as long as possible before becoming parents.” Eddie gestures to the group of teens currently clambering all over each other outside.

The older adults laugh in agreement, knowing first hand how much of a trouble it is to raise those kids.

“So how did you find out about this place?” Joyce asks inquisitively. “I thought we were reading the map wrong for a good twenty minutes on our way out here in the rental,” she adds on.

“This land actually belongs to our good friend David’s family. They renovated it a couple years back and have been using it as a wedding venue ever since,” Eddie says, pointing out the man in question in the crowd.

“That’s actually how he met his boyfriend, Patrick,” Steve supplies excitedly. “His father was the contractor for the project; they like to say that it was love at first construction site.”

“Oh, that’s horribly charming,” Susan exclaims. “David is the mechanic, correct?”

“The one and only; he’s the brawn to my brains at our shop,” Steve nods in confirmation.

“I ‘spose we can assume Alison had a hand with all the decorations?” Wayne asks from his spot next to his wife, admiring the room.

“She wouldn’t let us take no for an answer,” Eddie replies with a laugh. “We even tried paying her, to no avail. Honestly, if it weren’t for our friends, this entire shindig would be a hell of a lot more expensive than it turned out to be.”

There is a generous amount of truth to his words. Nearly every facet of the occasion has been either heavily discounted or outright given to them for free as a gift; the most expensive being the caterers. And even then, they got twenty percent off due to the fact that the owner is one of Blake’s cousins.

Speaking of whom, they’re over by the banquet table chatting with their cousin right now while the caterers finish up setting out the food.

“There you guys are!” Blake ushers the couple closer to meet their cousin Amy in person for the first time. All communication so far has been done over the telephone, so Steve and Eddie give Blake’s cousin a warm welcome and words of gratitude.

“I’ve heard a lot about you two over the last couple of years, it’s nice to be able to put a face to the stories!” Amy says cheerfully, shaking their hands with gusto.

“Oof, do I even want to know…?” Steve asks, grimacing at all of the potential embarrassing stories his friend could have told their cousin.

“Nothing but praise, I promise,” Blake says with a sly smile.

“Knowing you, I’m not so sure about that,” Eddie retorts with a nervous chuckle.

Due to Blake’s natural gravitational pull towards chaos and disaster, they have gotten their Indianan friends into some bizarre scenarios since the five of them met. It’s to the point where Patrick has affectionately banned them from his house after what happened during his last New Year party.

“It was so lovely to meet you both, but I really need to get going. If you could believe it, we have three other weddings to attend to this afternoon! We’ll be back tomorrow morning to collect everything.” With that, Blake’s cousin is off in a flurry, leaving the three of them to admire the handiwork displayed on the table.

Everyone takes turns grabbing plates of food and make their way to sit down to enjoy the meal. A cluster of round tables is gathered in the middle of the room and the group seats themselves without arrangement, some even moving between tables to join a different conversation once everyone has gotten their fill to eat.

Nancy is the first to make a toast, drawing attention to herself with a gentle tap of a butter knife against the rim of her wine glass.

“I just wanted to say a few words,” she says, clearing her throat delicately. “I am so lucky to be able to call these two wonderful men dear friends of mine. The fierce love you show each other every day is unparalleled, visible in each choice you make and interaction you have. Even before this beautiful day, you have committed yourselves to each other fully, a genuine bond that will last a life time and more. Congratulations to Steve and Eddie!”

There is a round of applause after her speech, and each of the guests who wish to speak take their turn doing so. By the end of the toasts there is not a dry eye in the house from the words uttered by the couple’s family and friends.

The sun is just starting to set once everyone has cleared the tables the best they can, gathering outside for group photos courtesy of Jonathan. As if it were a wedding gift, the sky is bursting with a myriad of colors, providing a magical backdrop to cement this day into one-of-a-kind photos. It’s not long before everyone begins to get restless for entertainment, seeing as those of age have begun to grow tipsy from the alcohol provided.

They all break off into groups once more, the variety of entertainment provided giving everyone something fun to enjoy. Steve finds himself pulled away from Eddie for the first time today at the request of Dustin and El, demanding he dance with them. Argyle is at the helm of the modest sound system, courtesy of Lori and Eddie’s workplace, expertly spinning records as well as he can spin pizza dough. Some of the other guests join them in their endeavor, breaking out into dance.

Eddie on the other hand is dragged away by Max and Lucas, requesting that he partake in the bag toss tournament just outside the barn doors. He readily agrees, defeating the competition with ease with his remarkably precise aim. That is until his fater challenges him, the very same man who taught him all he knows in the way of sports. Once he takes the reign as champion, Eddie finds Steve to defend his honor.

“I’m not the all-star sports champion I used to be,” he protests weakly, not wanting to get creamed by his father either.

“What, don’t tell me you afraid or somethin’?” Wayne teases, easily sparking a light under Steve’s competitive nature.

“Oh, in that case, you’re goin’ down old man!”

They produce quite the crowd of people to witness the duel, and some even get rowdy when they start to take sides and make bets. It is Wayne who comes out victorious in the end, defending his place as the bag toss tournament winner, but it’s a close match.

Afterwards, Argyle calls Steve and Eddie back into the barn so that they can have their first dance as a married couple. They embrace warmly and sway to The Rose by Bette Midler, one of the only things about their wedding that they agreed upon early on in the planning process. It’s sappy, and sweet, and everything they could have hoped for in a ‘first dance.’

When it is time to cut the cake they insist that everyone gets a piece before they do, serving everyone from youngest to oldest much to the delight of Holly. It’s a lovely red rose inspired three tiered wedding cake, with a custom made topper that looks nearly identical to the men in their current outfits.

The evening grows longer and colder, causing some of the guests to retire to bed earlier than the others, but not before more congratulations and affections for the happy couple. Hopper wrangles them into a bear hug, outwardly showing more affection than he typically does due to his inclination towards the wine provided.

“Thanks again, for everything,” Eddie says sincerely, patting the other man on his back.

“Can I officiate again, when it’s legal?” Hopper asks with a truly harrowing display of puppy dog eyes.

Steve just laughs, pulling him in for another hug. “You’ll be the first call, if it ever happens.”

“When!” Hopper corrects, pointing a finger in his face when they pull apart. “Not if. When.”

They wave goodnight when Joyce has to all but pry him off of the newlyweds, and Steve and Eddie watch with fondness as the older couple retires to their cottage for the night.

With the group that is left, it’s time for the night to continue on in an illicit fashion. So as not to make a horrible mess on their admittedly expensive clothes, everyone agrees to go change into something more casual before taking the party into the woods surrounding the venue. Those who choose to not partake in certain activities stay behind and play games reminiscent of their childhoods, such as Truth or Dare.

“Holy fuck you guys, where the hell did you get this stuff?” Steve asks after hacking up a lung, shakily passing the joint to the person to his left.

“Can you keep a secret bro?” Argyle asks seriously, eyes rimmed red already.

There is a murmur of agreement, curious to know what he will say next.

“I grow my own shit, man!” He reveals with excitement.

“Isn’t that like…sort of really a lot dangerous though?” Nancy inquires, leaning against Robin from where she is sat between her girlfriend’s legs.

“Only if you get caught,” Jonathan replies with a smirk.

“All the good shit in life is illegal,” Blake adds on.

“Amen! Mist…sist…wait, what should I call you?” Argyle pauses in consideration, unsure of which of the two words to use.

“Hmm,” They pause to think about it for a moment before deciding. “How about captain?”

“Alright, aye-aye cap’n!” Argyle corrects himself, giving them a proud salute.

They all laugh heartily at the exchange, heavily buzzed with the introduction of the drug into their systems.

“And that’s on being a true ally,” David quips quietly, earning another round of laughter from the queer folk present.

“So what’s next in line for you guys?” Mike asks the newlyweds.

“Good fuckin’ question,” Eddie retorts, scratching his chin in contemplation.

“We’ve been talking about getting a dog?” Steve offers with a half shrug.

“Bo-ring,” Lucas boos with an aggressive thumbs down.

“Ahh, the married life,” Eddie jokes, tugging Steve in for a sweet kiss.

“I say you guys go on another kick ass vacation, and take us with this time,” Lori insists. “I’ve always wanted to see the West Coast!”

“You’re more than welcome to stay at our place if you ever find your way out there,” Eden offers generously. “A friend of Eddie and Steve’s is a friend of me’s!”

“Sold, let me pack my bags real quick,” the other woman retorts jokingly.

“Hey, that would be really fun actually,” Max says. “We could go visit where I grew up, make like a whole thing out of it?”

“That would be a hell of a procession,” Nancy comments. “Just imagining it now…it would take, what, five cars minimum probably?”

“Or I can finally buy that RV I’ve been begging to for the last three years,” Steve says dreamily.

“Oh no, now you’ve done it, just look at him!” Eddie cries sarcastically.

“Sorry Eddie, looks like Steve gets to buy that RV,” Robin says with faux-sympathy.

“Ahh…the married life…”

Everyone laughs at the exchange until their bellies ache. They continue smoking for a little while longer before stumbling their way through the woods and to the venue. When meeting back up with the others, they all agree to call it a night, sleepy from such a long day of joy and excitement.

Steve is lying on the end of the bed with his legs dangling off the side of it when Eddie returns from the bathroom. He kneels between Steve’s knees, running his palms up the other man’s bare thighs seductively. When his partner barely even registers the touch, he snorts out a laugh and climbs up on the bed with him.

“Too tired to consummate our union?” He teases lovingly, carding his fingers through Steve’s hair.

“Mmmh no, I’m up, I swear…” Steve replies softly, barely able to crack an eye open.

“You are so high right now my dude,” Eddie snickers, pulling Steve up to lay on the bed properly by his armpits.

“I’m sorry baby,” he breathes out, nuzzling into Eddie’s side affectionately. The other man merely pats his shoulder and settles into the bed further.

“Don’t be sorry,” he chuckles. “We have all the time in the world to do as we please, it was only a joke. I’m happy to just simply be here with you.”

“So good to me,” Steve mumbles, pressing a kiss onto the nearest patch of skin he can find.

“Buuut,” Eddie draws out, already smirking at the thought. “If you wanted to make it up to me…”

“Yeah?”

“We could do that thing we’ve been talking about lately,” he finishes suggestively, earning a sleepy laugh out of his partner.

“Yeah, okay. I was gonna say yes the next time you asked anyways,” Steve admits.

“Damn! I should have gone for higher stakes.”

Steve and Eddie stay up for as long as they can until succumbing to sleep. The next day, all of their guests join them for breakfast before parting ways. The large majority of their family and friends leave to catch flights at various times throughout the day, but not before one large group photo to commemorate their time spent to witness the union of love.

It isn’t until their 25th anniversary that Steve and Eddie marry each other legally, bringing everyone back to the same countryside venue for a renewal of vows. Their large found family has grown even larger by then with the addition of a few new partners and a myriad of children. This includes their own daughter Rose, who by October 13th, 2014 is as old as Steve was when he and Eddie first met all those fateful years ago in Hawkins, Indiana.

#eddie munson #steve harrington #stranger things #steddie #eddie x steve #eddie munson x steve harrington #steddie fanfiction #steddie fanfic #steddie fic #stranger things fanfiction #cross posted on ao3 #stranger things smut #steddie smut #steddie fluff

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kartiavelino · 5 years

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Billy Porter, the Queer Eye Solid & Extra Celebs Have fun the NYC Satisfaction Parade

Santiago Felipe/Getty Photographs It is time to have fun, y’all! The NYC Satisfaction Parade has formally kicked off, and hundreds of persons are flooding the streets for the historic event. From Pete Davidson to the Billy Porter to the Queer Eye solid, many stars pulled out all the stops for the particular celebration. The truth is, the Pose star surprised in a customized Christian Siriano design. From the over-the-top tulle to the rainbow-colored materials, it was enjoyable, fierce and fabulous. Notably, Tan France, Antoni Porowski and Jonathan Van Ness introduced their very own magic to the Satisfaction parade. Carrying certainly one of his well-known crop tops, the groomer on the Netflix collection opted for a rainbow tee that matched his equally colourful feathery skirt. Are you able to imagine?! Tan regarded fashion-forward as ever, whereas Antoni rocked a sailor-inspired lewk. Other than the numerous celebs who confirmed their help for the LGBTQ group, this 12 months marks the primary time WorldPride is being held within the U.S. It is thought of the biggest Satisfaction celebration, and NYC is internet hosting it. What’s extra? The historic occasion is happening on the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall riots. To see each celeb who confirmed up and confirmed out in help of Satisfaction month, hold scrolling by means of our gallery beneath! Instagram / Miranda Lambert Miranda Lambert and Brendan McLoughlin The couple have fun on the NYC LGBT Satisfaction Parade. 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Getty Photographs for HBO Betty Who The “Mama Say” singer performs in the course of the HBO Human By Orientation WorldPride NYC Live performance at The Brooklyn Mirage. Instagram Mindy Kaling The actress glitters in a rainbow mini-dress. Article continues beneath Lova Pictures The Veronicas Followers who obtained to see the celebs carry out at Satisfaction are going to recollect this second “4Ever.” Evan Rachel Wooden The overtly bisexual actress waves a rainbow flag throughout LA Satisfaction. Instagram Lisa Vanderpump “Glad Satisfaction! @lapride #justunite #lapride2019 #lgbtq,” the Vanderpump Guidelines star shared on Instagram whereas celebrating LA Satisfaction. Article continues beneath Chris Tuite Halle Berry The A-list actress celebrates LA Satisfaction on behalf of “5B” by carrying a pin, which represents Johnson & Johnson’s longstanding efforts to #MakeHIVHistory. Instagram James Kennedy & Raquel Leviss “TRUE LOVE! Glad pleasure, I did effectively … as for this woman ….wow I am so in #LOVE!” the Bravo star shared on his Instagram. Courtesy of Adam Southard Patrick Starrr The What the Style “star” is seen on the It Will get Higher Mission Poolside Satisfaction Celebration at The Customary Hollywood. Article continues beneath Instagram Lala Kent, Stassi Schroeder & Brittany Cartwright It would not be a Satisfaction celebration in West Hollywood with out the women from Vanderpump Guidelines! Instagram Charlize Theron Everyone say love! The A-list actress attire up for Satisfaction month. Meghan Trainor Make-up artist Alison Christian perfects the pop star’s rainbow glam earlier than she hits the stage at LA Satisfaction. Article continues beneath Alyson Stoner The previous Disney Channel star, who describes herself as somebody “interested in males, ladies, and individuals who determine in different methods,” attends LA Satisfaction in model. Instagram Jonathan Van Ness Yasss henny! The Queer Eye star reveals off his rainbow styled Balenciaga purse whereas strolling the streets of Chicago. Instagram Gia Gunn The RuPaul’s Drag Race star groups up with Mac Cosmetics for the LA Satisfaction Parade. Article continues beneath Instagram Lizzo The “Juice” songstress smolders for the digicam forward of her headlining efficiency at Sacramento Satisfaction. Instagram / Scheana Marie Scheana Marie & Raqel Leviss The Vanderpump Guidelines stars characterize SUR at LA Satisfaction. Instagram Halle Berry “Standing tall for everybody to have the appropriate to dwell and love out loud! Glad #Satisfaction, everybody! #Satisfaction2019,” the actress wrote on Instagram. Article continues beneath Instagram Demi Lovato “Glad Satisfaction!!!” the singer wrote on Instagram. Amy Sussman/Getty Photographs Lisa Vanderpump The truth star attends the opening ceremony at LA Satisfaction 2019 in West Hollywood. Amy Sussman/Getty Photographs Paula Abdul The singer showcases a purple take a look at the opening ceremony at LA Satisfaction 2019 in West Hollywood. Article continues beneath Instagram Rebecca Black Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday! The viral sensation rides up on ASOS and GLAAD’s LA Satisfaction Parade float. Instagram Neil Patrick Harris & David Burtka “We simply arrived into Tel Aviv for #telavivpride,” NPH posted on Instagram from Israel. “First time right here, a lot to expertise. Let the enjoyable start! @dbelicious.” Gus Kenworthy The Olympian and his crew take part within the AIDS/Life Cycle, a 545-mile HIV/AIDS fundraising journey from San Francisco to Los Angeles. Article continues beneath Amy Sussman/Getty Photographs Halle Berry & Alison Moed The actress seems with the lady who labored as the top nurse within the first AIDS ward in the united statesat the 5B documentary premiere at LA Satisfaction in West Hollywood. Instagram Frankie Grande The social media character and older brother of Ariana Grande reveals his pleasure by taking part within the AIDS/Life Cycle. Instagram Mariah Carey “Glad Satisfaction Month!!!!” the performer shared on social media. “Love at all times to all my buddies within the LGBTQ+ group!” Article continues beneath Amy Sussman/Getty Photographs Todrick Corridor The performer seems on the opening ceremony at LA Satisfaction 2019 in West Hollywood. Instagram Tommy Dorfman “blissful #pleasure month! this shirt had me cackling so exhausting when i noticed it,” the 13 Causes Why star shares. Courtesy of TipsyElves Jonathan Bennet The Imply Ladies star kicks off Satisfaction month by launching his completely fetch Satisfaction Attire assortment with Tipsy Elves. Article continues beneath Getty Photographs Taylor Swift The pop star reaffirms her help for the LGBTQ+ group by sharing onstage throughout her 2019 iHeartRadio Wango Tango efficiency, “A variety of my songs are about love and I simply really feel like who you like, the way you id, you need to be capable to dwell your life the best way you need to dwell your life and to have the identical precise rights as everyone else.” Amy Sussman/Getty Photographs Kevin McHale The Glee alum attends the 5B documentary premiere at LA Satisfaction in West Hollywood. Tyler Oakley The YouTube star and present competitor on The Wonderful Race will get into the spirit on Instagram. Article continues beneath Dominic Lipinski/PA Wire Meghan Markle & Prince Harry The Duke and Duchess of Sussex honor the late Princess Diana whereas celebrating Satisfaction month, sharing a collage of images that included a photograph of Diana sitting on a mattress subsequent to a affected person at a London medical facility for individuals affected by HIV and AIDS in 1996. Instagram Hayley Kiyoko “Satisfaction is horrifying for many,” the overtly homosexual singer shared on Instagram alongside a throwback photograph. “It is scary to like your self and be pleased with who you’re. It makes you weak. It is scary to like your self boldly and freely in worry that possibly you’re flawed, or no one else will love you.However the relationship you’ve with your self is crucial. Construct that bond and be form to your self.” Instagram Rita Ora Rock out, Rita! The pop queen drapes herself in a Satisfaction flag onstage. Article continues beneath https://www.eonline.com/information/1053375/billy-porter-the-queer-eye-cast-more-celebs-celebrate-the-nyc-pride-parade?cmpid=rss-000000-rssfeed-365-topstories&utm_source=eonline&utm_medium=rssfeeds&utm_campaign=rss_topstories The post Billy Porter, the Queer Eye Solid & Extra Celebs Have fun the NYC Satisfaction Parade appeared first on Kartia Velino. https://kartiavelino.com/billy-porter-the-queer-eye-cast-more-celebs-celebrate-the-nyc-pride-parade/

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brandyhome3-blog · 6 years

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Why you'll Need Love the Next Crazy Taxi Game

http://fussiontaxi.com.au Another popular option is actually select a designated driver from your entourage make certain a sober soul is prepared to get everyone safely home. For incentive, many pubs, bars and restaurants offer non-alcoholic drinks free-of-charge to designated drivers. If you didn't take for best and fly over in a chartered plane, you can take advantage within the Inn's packages which include boat transportation to and from the island, taxi service from the boat for the hotel, together with choice of adventure trips. Low-cost policies romantic trips over to Seal Rock, Glass Bottom boat tours, walking tours of the Casino area, and many. Daisuke Matsuzaka - The guy who the Red Sox paid forty six million dollars in order to speak to has been quite the enigma. Last year, Daisuke finished fifth in the American League in hits allowed (of pitchers who started minimal of twenty games and pitched at least 120 innings), while ranking first in walks by having an astounding ninety four. His ERA? 2.90, third in the league. Innings pitched? 167, or a ridiculously low 4.75 innings per attempt. The numbers could be erratic, but the bottom line is he wins games, they are still young, and individuals only his third year in the MLB. Expect similar numbers as numbers from Daisuke, and in order to expect many games in which you possibly be screaming in your television, begging for him to get SOMEBODY out before the count goes 3-2. Business owners who lease office space like the spot of Morton Grove. Everyone outside metropolis of Chicago but still offers use of the city via data about interstates and public transportation options. The town has large corporations numerous genres within its borders as well as smaller, privately owned companies. Getting that different types of businesses are welcome and fit in well belonging to the village. Primary interstates in order to Morton Grove include I-94, I-90, I-294 and I-190 and enable easy for drivers attain the town and navigate around the village. Public transit is also offered associated with form of Metra, Pace and Taxi service. The bottom line here constantly that these nasty little parasites need blood to Taxi Service are nourished by in order that these people reproduce and the adult female can lay her chicken eggs. So, the prime source associated with this type of meal is 1.Humans four. Cats 3. Dogs 4. Rabbits 5. Chickens 6. Some other warm blooded vertebrate you can imagine. You however do not need to miss your personal home just as your onward road journey at a airport is not in your personal car. You need to spend several to make that journey and for anybody who is wise and select your airport transportation in advance instead connected with a minimal option as offered by a van you might in a good airport limousine service which don't cost much more and along with great value for your money. Lofty Dog Pet Care has a big staff this also care for ones dogs while you're away. The employees will visit throughout day time to walk and feed your dog, administer medication as needed, and all of them with a bathroom break. Lofty Dog Pet Care offers taxi need to and from your vet or groomer. Several packages can come based exactly how to often you'd like the staff to stop by your room.

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thepetsworld · 6 years

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To Find Goldendoodle Puppies For Sale Chicago Is The Best Location To Check Out

By Christopher Bailey

Crossbreeds seem to be benefiting from rising popularity in these dogs worldwide, especially those regarded as designer dogs. Golden doodle puppies are experiencing an increased popularity worldwide. The product of breeding a Poodle with a Golden Retriever is what yields these hybrid designer canines. This means that they are not true breeds on their own. Standard or miniature poodles are the ones used in the crossbreeding exercise. When one needs Goldendoodle Puppies for Sale Chicago Offers the perfect location to visit. Some people use the term groodle in reference to these canines. Before a person gets their groodle it is important that they know certain things about how to care for them. People should not forget that dogs are likely to bond emotionally with a person who feeds them. It is for this reason that feeding or food is considered a fantastic tool to use when training puppies. Hand feeding the puppy for the first two weeks of arrival is recommended by specialists. Creating an instant relationship of trust is one reputation brought by the exercise of hand feeding a golden doodle puppy. Constructing of the right hierarchy, submission to wait for meals and removing dog food aggression are also enabled. The puppy can be hand fed by both kids and other adults. Teaching the puppies that all human beings whether big or small are in control of food is ensured by hand feeding. This will show the canine right from the start to respect, love and bond with all family members. Free feeding the dogs is not advised. Instead, a designed schedule which is suitable for the breed should be adopted. Gastrointestinal and digestive problems like bloat are encouraged by free feeding. Scheduled feeding enables one to track the consumed quantity of food and if the dog is in the advised range of weight. Determining whether or not the puppy is overweight is done using a rib test. Apart from feeding, groodles need decent attention in terms of grooming. If their hairs are kept long, then they should be brushed once a week or as many times as possible. Any free time that one has to spend with their pets should be used to brush the. Others prefer to have their hair clipped short which is also a good alternative but still requires maintenance. Often, baths are not needed by this breeds which is a good thing. Their coats are kept smooth and moisturized naturally with the aid of oils produced by their bodies. However, they need to be bathed when necessary. In order to get used to being bathed, they have to be trained. Bathing should be used for petting objectives and also conducted in the most comfortable way possible. Finally, they need their teeth to be brushed once or twice in a week. Where possible this should be done on daily basis so as to keep ahead of tartar buildup and other dental issues. Nail trimming should be done twice in a month. Too short nail trimming should be avoided to prevent bleeding. Any other grooming procedure that one is inexperienced with should be left to professional dog groomers.

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payment-providers · 6 years

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New Post has been published on Payment-Providers.com

New Post has been published on https://payment-providers.com/retail-pet-owners-splurge-on-animals-needs/

Retail: Pet Owners Splurge on Animals' Needs

Here at PYMNTS, we see it all, often in the form of press releases – most of which claim to be the next big thing in retail, commerce and financial services. These days, those ideas are often associated with crypto.

But this week, the press release that we thought was pretty cool was from startup Bristly, letting us know that they had invested “the world’s most effective toothbrush for dogs.”

They also promised us a “cool video already going viral.”

We were a little dubious, since even the most dedicated dog owner in the office, a person who cooks their dogs a rotisserie chicken every other night for dinner, remarked that they drew the line at brushing a dog’s teeth.

Undeterred by this remarkably odd sample of one, we checked out the site anyway. There, we learned two things.

The first is that the video is cool – and if we could embed it, we would.

The second is that after only a few days, Bristly has raised over $175,000 on Kickstarter from more than 4,000 people. The goal for their Kickstarter round was $15,000, meaning they’ve exceeded their goal by more than tenfold and counting.

The people have spoken – and they want a better way to brush their dog’s teeth, a revelation we found surprising, but perhaps shouldn’t have.

By the numbers, commerce is literally going to the dogs.

Human beings have always had pets and have always loved them, of course, but in recent years that love has evolved to an entirely new level.

“America’s house pets have worked their way into a new place in the hearts, homes and wallets of their owners,” Michael Schaffer wrote in his book “One Nation Under Dog: America’s Love Affair With Our Dogs” – and data backs up that assertion. According to VIP Petcare’s data, 84 percent of pet owners consider themselves “pet parents,” which kind of explains how the term “fur babies” came into vogue.

And where there is enthusiasm, there is also commerce – and, as it turns out, quite a lot of it.

“The humanization of pets has played well for brands and retailers that have developed or pivoted their strategies for consumers looking to treat their furry friends to the best that life has to offer,” Nielsen noted in its paper on pet care trends earlier this year.

And pet owners are willing to pay, usually quite a premium, for offering their pets the best lives possible. VIP Petcare estimates that the average pet owner spends a little over $2,000 a year caring for their fur baby, and Neilson notes that as of last year, Americans collectively spent about $69 billion on pet care. And the figure has been climbing sharply – by at least $2 billion each year – since the mid-1990s. In 2016, Americans spent $66.75 billion per year on their pets; as of 2007, pet owners spent $41.2 billion.

That’s a lot of dog treats.

Except, it actually isn’t.

When looking at the numbers, it isn’t that Americans are buying their pets much more to eat, as dog food and treat sales have been fairly flat in recent years – it’s that pet parents are buying their pets so, so many other things as well. Things like spa visits, acupuncture, glitter tattoos, non-medically necessary prostheses, subscription boxes, meal kits, rotisserie chickens and artisanal toys. One brave New York Times reporter with a new puppy who decided to embed himself deep into the pet pampering lifestyle – putatively for the cause of advancing journalism – discovered that the sky’s the limit when it comes to showing fur babies the love that is their due.

But while the options may be myriad, according to Nielsen, they are all guided by a common thread – one that is also central to the owners’ buying behaviors.

“Many of the trends we’re seeing in the pet category are ones we’ve been seeing in consumer categories over the past year or two: health and wellness,” Nielsen noted in its report. “Health and wellness is paramount to success in pet innovation, and pet trends are closely following human ones. In some cases, they’re even getting there first.”

Health and wellness, of course, is a wide-ranging category for humans – encompassing everything from skin creams, to cosmetics, to exercise, to apparel, to meal kits, to vitamin supplements to whatever witchcraft Gwyneth Paltrow is selling on Goop these days. So, perhaps unsurprisingly, it is equally wide-ranging when it comes to pets.

But some of the places where it ranges are legitimately pretty surprising. For example, according to Petplan, an insurance company for pets, pet parents dropped $62 million in 2011 on plastic surgery for their pets. Some of that surgery was for medically necessary reasons, but some was assuredly cosmetic. One such popular cosmetic procedure? The implantation of Neuticles, prosthetic testicles for neutered pets.

“Some people throw the dog in the car and have him turned into a eunuch because they don’t care. But there’s a certain segment of pet owners that do care, and that’s where Neuticles come in,” said Gregg A. Miller, who invented them in 1995.

That certain segment includes both Kim Kardashian and Larry Flynt, according to The New York Times. Fun fact, according to Miller: Kardashian did not demonstrate her normally high-end tastes when it came to buying for her pet boxer.

“They had ordered the cheapest ones possible – the hard ones, the clackers – and I thought, ‘Wow,’” Miller told CNBC. For reference, a top-of-the-line pair of Neuticals retails for $469.

And while that expenditure of funds may seem a bit strange, Miller is adamant that his invention helps dogs maintain their dignity in the aftermath of being neutered. And that concern for a dog’s dignity deserves at least some credit – particularly as one delves deeper into the wild world of pet-centric commerce. It is hard to imagine, on the other hand, the recent trend of “Asian fusion” dog grooming that is apparently sweeping the streets of New York among the painfully hip and extremely rich.

The term comes care of Jorge Bendersky, a New York dog groomer who charges around $300 an hour and counts like the likes of Gisele Bündchen and P. Diddy among his clients. Asian fusion, he noted, is a dog styling method developed in Japan that has become popular stateside.

“That’s very short on the body and very long on the legs, like big bell bottoms, which gives them the opportunity to wear a dress or a sweater and necklace without messing up the hairstyle,” he noted.

In fairness, it is a terrible thing to have splurged on a $150,000 collar for one’s dog, and then have it clash with their haircut.

Mr. Bendersky further told about the times that he gets a lot of demand for French “pawdicures,” pink and purple highlights in fur, and, “for that extra rock ’n’ roll edge,” glitter tattoos.

And because a day at the salon can be taxing – particularly for a dog that got an elaborate manicure – there are also spas to help pets unwind. At The Barkley Pet Hotel and Day Spa in Westlake Village, California, dogs are given the options of mud baths, detox wraps, hot oil treatments, blueberry facials, deep sea mineral mud masks and oatmeal soaks.

At Oh My Dog! Boutique Hotel and Spa in Scottsdale, Arizona, canine patrons can choose to study dog yoga – which, yes, is called doga – or shop their dog-centric apparel boutique on site. For dogs that like their fashion less esoteric, more preppy, not to worry: Ralph Lauren’s Pets line features cashmere sweaters and polo shirts.

At the Stay Dog Hotel in Chicago, four-legged guests have riverfront suites and a lap pool.

And as it turns out, premium services for your pet don’t stop once they check out of the space. For example, for those who don’t want to feed their dog out of a bag but perhaps do not have time to cook their pet a full hot meal, there’s good news. JustFoodForDogs advertises themselves as “purveyors of handcrafted meals for dogs,” and will deliver those handcrafted meals straight to your door, featuring ingredients like venison and squash.

It sounds pretty good – but not to worry, even if one is perhaps limited to feeding their pet out of a bag, what’s in the bag is getting better. Though the amount of dog food people have been buying has been fairly flat in recent years, according to Nielsen, the demand for “higher-quality premium food” has boosted annual household spending on pet food by 36 percent over the last 10 years.

Plus, the better the dog food, it seems, the bigger the sales revenue. Nielsen’s number also indicated that “produce-derived superfoods like blueberries, cranberries and sweet potatoes” all seem to draw pet parent spending, as do “probiotics and products with functional ingredients.” When more premium features are added, such as “novel proteins” like quail or rabbit, Nielsen reported, brands see growth in “double and triple digits.”

In fact, the growth in dog food and its relative value has been so sharp in recent years that it has sparked the interest of various big consumer packaged goods players looking for more market touchpoints as consumer interests are evolving. In April, General Mills bought natural pet foods label Blue Buffalo for $8 billion, saying at the time the addition represented a “a compelling new growth platform.”

In May, J.M. Smucker bought Ainsworth Pet Nutrition, parent of the Rachael Ray Nutrish pet food brand, for about $1.7 billion, again in the name of accelerating “the growth profile” of its pet food/snacks business, which includes such labels as Meow Mix and Milk-Bone.

The biggest news in the sector of late, however, are the rumored intentions of international CPG giant Nestle to purchase Canada’s Champion Petfoods, which owns brands Orijen and Acana, for more than $2 billion. Nestle already owns the Purina pet food line, but has identified “pet care” as a high-growth area. Orijen is a premium dog food brand with an active online following, and is likely a consumer base to which Nestle would very much like to develop closer ties.

Dogs, of course, can never have too many things bought for them, as they are loyal, smart, kind and possibly the superior form of life on this planet (but for their unfortunate habit of destroying shoes from time to time). And while we might chuckle at deep sea purification masks for dogs – who, left to their own devices, will happily root through the trash and eat whatever they find there – the truth is we can’t help but applaud the commerce world’s dedication to finding new and inventive ways to make man’s best friend happy.

But we might really have to rethink the phrase “it’s a dog’s life.” These days, a dog’s life doesn’t sound so bad.

—————————————–

Join The Upcoming Conversation on July 18th, 2018 @ 1:00 PM EST

consumer habits, dog supplies, ecommerce, Featured News, News, pet care, pet commerce, Pet Products, pet supplies, Retail, Saturday Feature

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