#between Rowan and I tracking averages and making deals based on them

[bunnyhopkins]

HAHA I STAY WINNING

[wyntertimes-blog]

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* Getting loose with Ivanka and Jay Kay

* The secret portrait of Karren Brady

* PLUS: Cock rings on the 6 O'Clock News

>> Strange times <<The poll winners' party

It probably won't surprise you to learn that champagne corks were popping at 10pm prompt at the Baby Shard on Thursday night, as the Times and the Sun celebrated the projected result of the exit poll.

It's also unlikely to surprise you to learn that Rupert Murdoch, Rebekah Brooks, Les Hinton and all the usual News UK suspects were there too, getting their fourth and fifth trolleys of booze brought in to the office by the time Blyth Valley announced.

The one thing that might surprise you though is that in among the revellers was... Cate Blanchett.This year's series of Love Island has taken three of the top ten spots in Ofcom's list of most complained-about shows of 2019.

>> Straight shooter <<Randy Andy makes 'em standy

It's been a bruising few weeks for Prince Andrew since his cataclysmic interview with Emily Maitlis – but he's probably brimming over with remorse and humility now, right?

Erm.

Earlier this month, Handsy Andy went on another of his (straightforward) shooting weekends. At breakfast one morning, everyone else in the party was sat quietly reading the papers when Andy came into the room.

As no-one stood up for him when he entered, he bellowed "OH HO HO! LET'S TRY THAT AGAIN, SHALL WE?" Then walked out of the room and re-entered, so that everyone could oblige him.There's a This Morning team WhatsApp group entitled "We Hate Phillip".

>> Big Questions <<Who's asking what this week?

What could have caused the Mail to pull a recent exclusive of theirs about a French masseuse meeting with Prince Andrew at Buckingham Palace back in 2000? The story made the paper's front page at the end of November but, save for a report of the Mail's report in the New York Post, there's no trace of it online now.If you subscribe to Popbitch, chances are your internet search history is something you'd rather was kept private. Protect yourself online (plus bypass digital censorship) by using a VPN. CyberGhost is currently offering Popbitch readers a 79% discount on its 18 month plan, which protects up to seven devices, for just £2.15 a month.

[Find out more here]

>> Westwood ho <<Getting loose with Ivanka

Before she became the accomplished businesswoman and occasional threat to global security that she is today, Ivanka Trump had teenage ambitions of becoming a fashion model.

Thanks to her family connections, she was seen for a number of jobs in the late 90s and became a bit of a favourite of Vivienne Westwood. Westwood's team used to make a point of letting the models pick the music they put on in the studio as a way of helping them to relax and feel comfortable on a shoot.

Ivanka's choice of music, every single time? Jamiroquai. Which she would then sing along to.

Peanut from the Kaiser Chiefs is preparing to run his 100th park run over the Christmas holidays.

>> Bah humbug <<More drama at the BBC

The BBC is going heavy on trailing their version of A Christmas Carol this year, making a big song and dance out of the fact it stars Guy Pearce, is written by Peaky Blinders' Steven Knight and has been exec produced by Tom Hardy. One person who's been a little left out in the cold though is director Nick Murphy.

Poor Nick was so miffed that the BBC didn't invite him to take part in a special Q&A event about the show that he ended up turning up anyway to rage at the head of BBC Drama there. His ire hasn't just been reserved for TV execs either as he's started taking pot shots at Tom Hardy on Twitter too, claiming that the catering department was more involved in production than Hardy.

There may be some lingering resentment there, as Hardy was set to star in A Christmas Carol (as well as produce) until he suddenly decided to bail out. But if you ask us, Nick, you had a lucky escape.

On set at Hardy and Knight's previous BBC1 collab, Taboo, crew members reported that Hardy wasn't shy about staying in character, stark-bollock naked, for much of the time. And we can only imagine what it would have been like trying to direct with the Ghost of Christmas Past's dick and balls wafting all around.

Nick Cave Watch: Everyone's favourite goth dad was spotted at an Elton John concert in Melbourne this week.

>> Picture this <<More corporate creepiness

One of Jeffrey Epstein's former employees claims that Epstein kept a 6ft portrait of his mysterious 'fixer' Ghislaine Maxwell above the pool in his sprawling New Mexico mansion. Not just any old portrait though. One of her naked and "posing provocatively".

He wouldn't be the first icky businessman to have had a life-size nudey portrait of a close associate on their wall though. West Ham's porn-purveying chairman, David Sullivan, was once well known in the football world for having a huge painting hung in his basement office.

Of his now Vice-Chairman at West Ham FC, Dame Karren Brady.Andy Coulson has been advised by friends that having his own name in his new PR firm (Coulson Partners) is enough to stop most major organisations from hiring them. So far it's advice that he (and his ego) seem unwilling to take.

>> Shaky casting <<Merry Christmas everyone!

This year's bleak seasonal murder drama, Responsible Child (based on the real life story of a 14 year-old killer who was tried as an adult and jailed) has been getting rave reviews.

Whether it was the shocking nature of the story, or the impressive performance of the child actor who inhabited the role, we couldn't tell you, but for some reason most of the reviews have failed to mention the most important thing about the production.

The kid who plays the murderer is the grandson of Shakin' Stevens.

This week's Media Masters podcast is a chat with historian and broadcaster David Starkey. His outspoken, unforgiving style and trenchant opinions have earned him a reputation as being "the rudest man in Britain". In this in-depth interview he explains the impact it's had over his career.

[Listen/Download on Media Masters]

>> One love <<The race for Xmas No.1

Now that The X Factor is an utterly spent force, and December streaming is dominated by seasonal classics, the annual race for Christmas No.1 has become a much more unpredictable beast.

Re-releases are subjected to permanent ACR restrictions ('Accelerated Chart Ratio') with streaming, which basically means that old, established classics have to generate twice the number of streams as new tracks in order to compete. (Without this, three of the top four last Friday would have been Mariah Carey, Wham! and The Pogues.)

So who's in the running this year? There's another tedious song about sausage rolls from Ladbaby (hideous; but for a good cause). There's the inevitable Ed Sheeran (this year on Stormzy's record). And of course, there's the now traditional Facebook campaign choice.

Facebook campaigns are a bit of a lost cause but it has to be said: of all the songs that the British public could have picked to champion this year, Jarvis Cocker's "(Cunts Are Still) Running The World", is a pretty good one.

[Join the campaign]

REO Speedwagon's original of Can't Fight This Feeling has been streamed more than Bastille's John Lewis ad cover since its release in mid-November.

>> Electile dysfunction <<Another cock up on the Beeb

On election day, there are very strict rules in the UK which forbid news organisations from discussing politics until polling is closed. Which means that news teams have to ignore the biggest story of the day and compile their news bulletins from whatever innocuous filler they can drum up instead.

As part of their non-political Six O'Clock News broadcast last Thursday, BBC1 chose to air an item about the postal service and people sending tiny items in oversized parcels. Alas, it seems there was a very good reason that the Six O'Clock News hadn't touched that story previously.

One of the parcels that was prominently displayed as part of the pre-watershed segment clearly showed a cock ring.Nominative Determinism of the Week: The Senior doorkeeper of the House of Commons... Phil Howse!

>> 2019: The Annual <<A last little gift from us

That's almost it for another year. We've got a couple of special issues to send out between now and 2020, so we'll be back in your inboxes before the New Year. But if you want to sink your teeth into some more Popbitch material over the Christmas holidays, then download our 2019 annual.

It's totally free, and features some of our favourite stories of the year. Print it off at work! Use it as last-minute wrapping paper! Give a copy to your most corruptible niece or nephew!

[Get it here]

And if you enjoy it – or have enjoyed any of the last 52 weeks of Popbitch – and feel like tossing a few quid into our Santa hat for a Christmas pint then we'd be ever so grateful.

[Donate here]

LAST CHANCE BEFORE XMAS: Anyone who donates £10 or more to this year's fundraiser is eligible to download a special play-at-home edition of the Popbitch Popquiz. We'll email you a digital pack with all the answer sheets, question packs and puzzle pages you need to host your own quiz.

[Donate to Popbitch here]

>> Hmmms <<Cats, dogs, Muppets

Rowan Atkinson deepfaked Dior advert

[Ready to lose your libido?]

The reviews of Cats are restoring our faith and trust in journalism

[Read on Prospect]

Picture of dogs in mid-air, catching frisbees

[Cute: what more do you want?]

Need to stock up on wine before the holidays kick off? Naked Wines is offering Popbitch readers the chance to get a case of six sumptuous bottles, plus free delivery, for just £19.99.

[Get your orders in soon!]

What do you get for the man who has everything?

[Try an annual Wank-Pass]

40 years since the Muppets/John Denver Christmas special

[Watch on YouTube]

A crash course in the 100 most memorable memes of the decade

[Read on BuzzFeed]

The real life, bricks-and-mortar Popbitch Popquiz will return in January. Don't let dry January stop you having any fun. Join us at Smiths of Smithfield for another seven rounds of trivia, music and smut with our host, Tom Webb!

[Tuesday 14th January]

[Tuesday 28th January]

Thanks to: JM, bunkle, CA, JC, Party_B, ST, T, JM, BB, CA, RT, MC, bobbi_fleckmann, EC, intheissynoho, MC, AM

Old Jokes Home

I just smashed my keyboard and I'm so angry.

I lost Ctrl.

Still Bored?

If you've already read this year's annual and fancy revisiting some previous years, the last five years' worth are free to download on the Popbitch site throughout December...

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@skippyv20 @yankeewally

[mooglesheadjournal]

haven't updated this blog in a few days! some updates/observations, which are under the cut for length:

a) i noticed a sudden, massive drop in my mood, motivation, and ability to Deal with Shit as soon as i moved on from basics 1 in headspace to basics 2, including for even doing meditation itself.

i kept not being able to force myself to do it until right before bedtime, or after bedtime, and i had a hard time paying attention; staying on track; missing large chunks of the exercise because i got distracted, and having to jar myself out of it repeatedly to try and skip back to the last place i remembered; and even taying awake at all. i've also been fucking exhausted and had a harder time waking up, and my motivation for doing habitica/basic selfcare tasks has gone down the toilet too.

needless to say this has been hella discouraging. but!

b) i realized that i've been doing it wrong since i got out of basics 1! namely, that there's a difference between 'maintenance' meditation and 'learning new things and building muscles' meditation. basics 1 exercises were easy and short enough that they could pretty much serve the same purpose as maintenance, so i was treating them as such, but basics 2 takes real energy and focus, and putting work into.

so no wonder i've been having a hard time both in getting anything out of it and in general, i've been pretty much just not taking my medication. Whoops

the guy warned me about that at the beginning of the sleep course and i did not listen, fool that i am, but hey at least i'm learning what to do and not do!

c) i realized that i went from 'feeling actually refreshed in the morning and being able to focus on factors that were keeping me from getting effective sleep or keeping me in bed late, regardless of how i felt waking up,' to 'i feel like death every morning just like i always have,' because i..... stopped doing sleep exercises before bed. Whoops Again

d) i did a short maintenance-type exercise last night and immediately felt way better afterward, and have felt a lot better and more focused and motivated even before doing a maintenance exercise, and i feel way less depressed and like i'm going through the motions today, so hell yeah

e) i wrote some last night! which i think has helped a lot as well, but that'll get its own post in a few minutes here

f) found the subsection of short advice recordings, which was nice because it was about some stuff i've come across while meditatin' before like anxiety or boredom

g) i think doing maintenance/practice stuff earlier in the day will help a lot with actually staying in the habit and mindset enough to get something out of it. trying to meditate while your brain and body are specifically trying to follow thoughts into rabbit holes that let you drift off is incredibly difficult, and it's even harder if that's all you're doing, so you're actively atrophying your brain muscles in between ripping them to shreds. yeesh.

(more on the sleep thing and what i think is happening there based on what i've observed in another post.)

h) been getting more practice on body scans and how to do them thoroughly, which is actually really nice! i'm still working on how to do them at different speeds, but trying to do that kind of brain thing on..... pretty much anything has always been super stressful and anxiety-indicing for me. this way i'm slowly getting used to doing it without my brain skipping and jumping all over the place, feeling like i have to do something over and over because What if I Didn't Do It Thoroughly Enough, panicking about both not doing it fast enough and doing it too fast at the same time, etc.

feels good, man. and will doubtlessly come in handy in the future.

i) have been making more effort to absorb and get into good, creative things that recharge and inspire me and are just plain fun. for example i watched flatliners with rowan the other day (the original, apparently the remake is garbage), expecting it to be your average horror movie, and it was actually a beautiful, uplifting film that really resonated with me and comforted me about death and my anxiety over it. i also finally started getting into parks and rec, which has been a lot of fun and inspired me too.

i'll talk more about this stuff in another post too, but like... it's kind of an eye-opener.

it's just. incredibly encouraging that even supposedly falling off the wagon, even taking two steps forward and one step back, is just another opportunity to uncover and unpack the onion of factors that have been holding me back all my life. i just have to keep trying in whatever little ways i can manage, day to day.

(oh, and i bought a bunch of veggies when i went shopping yesterday too, instead of just relying on what i get from the cafe next door. be proud of me!)

[idonotknowhowtoo-blog]

How to Make a Spending Plan That Actually Works

Like New Year's resolutions and crash diet, budgets seem predestined for failure.

How are you expected to assign every dollar of every paycheck without missteps or unforeseen expenditures? Can you stick to a spending plan and still have a good time?

There's one thing that so lots of spending plan experts skip pointing out: There's not a single perfect budget plan template to rule them all. Every individual's monetary situation is various, so there can be many appropriate budget plans.

Now that you've had that pep talk, you require to find the budget that works for you. It's not practically picking in between apps and paper and pencil. It's about cultivating a habit that supports your monetary goals.

It's difficult to get to the healthy-habit viewpoint if you're stuck attempting to figure out what's coming in and out of your bank account each month or how to prepare for your wacky billing schedules.

We've gotten the answer for that. Keep reading for some essentials and advice for dealing with 4 major budgeting barriers you have actually most likely already experienced.

How to Discover the Right Budgeting Method for You

Your biggest budgeting issue might not have anything to do with your income, spending practices or cost savings objectives; rather, it's that you have not found the best budgeting approach for you.

With so numerousonline templates, apps and blogger-designed monetary planning tools, the look for the best budgeting method for your needs can take longer than you hoped. Here's how to brace yourself for the unavoidable trial-and-error procedure.

Start With Info You Already Have

Whether you're downloading the app your good friend advised or attempting to pick the best note pad to track your budget plan by hand, you can take a few actions to increase your opportunities of budgeting

success."Before you actually sit down to make a spending plan, print out the last two or three months of statements from your credit and debit cards,"Bridget Todd, COO of The Financial Health club, states. "Go through and categorize whatever."You can export your declarations to a spreadsheet or use highlighters on printed declarations. Doing this assists you see patterns in your costs in the classifications that fit your life-- not just the categories your old copy of "Budgeting for Dummies"suggests."So numerous people track spending but do not use that information,"Todd states."What are you investing loan on now? Where is there space for improvement? "Let It Percolate and Adjust as Needed Lillian Karabaic,

CEO of Oh My Dollar!, likes to advise her clients that the

first month you established your budget, you'll forget things."That's OKAY. You're just getting better info"every month as youremember expenditures, she says."The third month is the point at which, if you're still doing it, you start to feel like you supervise of the budget plan."Secret words there: If you're still doing it. You're likely to fall off your spending plan in one of these two methods: You set limitations for yourself however stop working to fulfill them, or you forget to keep up with your budgeting method and provide up." Budgets can be flexible,"

Tonya Rapley, founder of My Fab Finance, states.

"Give yourself space to change as required . Choose it up and use it whenever you remember."You just actually require the parts of a budget plan method that serve you and your plans for the future. Todd doesn't like to believe of a budget as a money diet, however rather as a place for setting goal. If she's working withyou on your spending plan, she says, "You're going to save monthly, then pay your fixed costs, and after that I do not care what you invest your loan on-- as long as you satisfy your savings goals."Feeling encouraged to establish your very first spending plan or revive your deserted one? Get ready to deal with these loan issues that can journey up even the most confident budgeters. How to Conquer 4 Typical Budgeting Obstacles These four budgeting barriers can trip up even the most determined budgeter. 1. Strange Pay Schedules Regular monthly, two times monthly, biweekly-- all you truly want to know is when you get your loan and how long it's going to last. Making money biweekly can throw off your budget plan when you come throughout a three-paycheck month."That magical 3rd income typically suggests that something is going to be wonky in other places,"Rapley says."It means you may not get paid till the middle of the month the following month."Todd suggests pretending you

get only 24 paychecks so the periodic benefit income doesn't throw you off. She recommends her customers to "determine the

month the third paycheck hits and attempt to save that entire income or dedicate it to paying down debt. "If you have money in your bank account, that wonky 3rd income may not

faze you at all. Karabaic suggests developing a buffer of about one month of costs and leaving it in your checking account. While it can take a while to build up that buffer-- she states the typical time is seven months-- it'll help you avoid overdraft fees and unusual pay-schedule surprises. 2. IrregularEarnings If you do not count on constant incomes, it's difficult to determine just how much cash you'll actually have on hand in a provided month. If you're a server, bartender or other specialist who relies on tips for much of your pay, we like bar manager Jeff Morrison's system of figuring out your income. Morrison recommends tracking your earnings after tipping out other personnel. Overall your earnings for 10 weeks, then divide by 10 to

get your average weekly earnings. It's not a best science, however it can help you figure out what to place on the "income"line in your budget. Tip-based workers can discover more details on how to budget plan in

this post. If you're a freelancer or one of the 33% of Americans associated with the gig economy, Todd recommends backing into the quantity you require to survive on by assessing your

month-to-month set expenditures. Consist of line products like lease, energies and debt payments, however do n't forget to work in a savings amount-- Todd says it should be at least 10 %of your gross income.

Self-employed budgeters can benefit by taking a step back each quarter to examine their income. "If you're paying quarterly taxes anyway, you have this natural stopping point to look,"says Karabaic, who attempts to increase herearnings by

10 %each quarter."It's an excellent way to inspect on the health of your company. "3. Irregular Expenditures What about expenditures that do not come on a routine month-to-month basis? We're talking your twice-yearly vehicle insurance. Your subscription to a pricy trade publication or expert association. That oral crown you understand you should get changed earlier instead of later. Initially, tally up those annual or twice-yearly expenditures. It can help to keep these in a different list or spreadsheet than your real spending plan, as the list might change as you keep or drop subscriptions, or keep in mind additional expenses. It's a matter of including up those expenses and dividing by 12 to find out how much they cost each month."You might open a different bank account for your annual costs,"Todd recommends."Then when the expenses come, you do not need to change your costs. It resembles saving for Christmas shopping"throughout the year, she states.&It can likewise help to allocate money for expenses

you know will surface ultimately. Karabaic calls hers"a wish farm: classifications for things I want or feel like I ought to be conserving for."They're not necessities or the highest top priorities, however she says it takes the panic out of making those purchases."Cellular phone replacements are a huge one.

Glasses,"she states, adding the laptop she drowned with coffee to her individual list. If money's tight this month, possibly you do not add to the desire farm, Karabaic says."But if you're feeling flush, you can look after

future you. "When you start saving for irregular expenditures, Rapley recommends to prepare ahead to anticipate them. "Set calendar pointers for two months before it's due, then one month till it's due, 2 weeks until due. Do not let these costs take you by surprise. A suggestion on the day it's due isn't enough." 4. Many Due Dates This one's simple: If you

have a difficult time keeping in mind which expense is due when-- or those dates just do not jibe with your cash-flow scenario-- you can ask to have them changed. "If you're an accountable credit user, [charge card companies are] very versatile, and you have some control," Todd states."It may indicate you pay 2 costs in one month, a routine one and a small one," while your billing cycle changes. Energy companies are similarly flexible, and you can ask your internet and cellular service providers, too." Don't alter your due date to the first" for anything, Rapley says. "You usually have a home mortgage or lease due then, so area it out. "However she says that if you have the cash for a bill prepared before your due date,

go on and pay it."You do not always need to wait until the payment date." Lisa Rowan is a senior author and producer at The Penny Hoarder. The Penny Hoarder Guarantee: We supply accurate, trustworthy information. Here's why you can trust us and how we earn money. All set to stop stressing about money? Get the Penny Hoarder Daily