#bewitched set...entry iv

[evermourning]

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐞 - kim seungmin

pairing: kim seungmin x reader (bewitched series pt. 4)

genre: angst, hurt/no comfort, non!idol au

wc: 1.1k

warnings: not proofread AT ALL, language, hallucination, mentions of nausea/feelings of nausea, mentions of smoking, unrequited love, you may hate me for this

a/n: don't smoke kids!

when you ended your relationship with kim seungmin, your one true love, you made an unyielding oath that you would never give a shit about ex-boyfriends.

this became unfortunately impossible when every waking moment you were wallowing in your own guilt and self-despair, dreaming desperately about the love you once had. it was like seungmin had taken a paintbrush, and with long languid strokes, drowned every crevice, nook, and cranny of your brain with the memories of him.

even living in this town was unbearable, seeing him from afar laughing and smiling as if he was utterly unaffected by your tragic romance. you eventually decided to fly back to your hometown just to get away from him. you were lucky you could.

the entire flight, sailing tranquilly through deep blue skies where the stars were much more visible than the city lights, you sat there, engulfed in your own pitiful delusion.

we never did say goodbye, did we? it was more of a "see you soon", it had to be. no, kim seungmin is a terrible influence who will only make your life progressively worse. that's what he aspires to, after all. but what if he were to call me up? i don't know if he has me blocked, but i have him unblocked. you know, in case he ever decides he still needs me.

it was like an infectious cancer, slowly integrating itself into your system, this feeling of hurt and confusion and disarray. damn it, it really fucking hurt to have to just act like nothing happened. you were at your absolute weakest, but still had to act like you could carry the world on your back.

it hurt more that you were alone, without the boy who was your anchor in murky waters.

...

once you arrived in your hometown, you had this stupid idea that you would just wake up a new person, the memories of him simply wiped from your brain. however, every morning was just as painful as the last, the painful evocation of his being like a pure white tablecloth irreparably stained with the deep flushed burgundy of red wine.

for sixteen long days you fought unbearable urges to just grab your phone, calling him while sobbing profusely. for sixteen long days you laid awake at night, staring at the ceiling, too haunted by him to sleep peacefully. for sixteen long days you wondered if you were the problem.

you'd found methods to shut him out that were not as great as you hoped. you'd taken up smoking, much to your parents' dismay. you knew deep down it was a horrid decision that was most likely going to haunt you later, but you didn't care. after restraining yourself emotionally and mentally for so long, maybe a cigarette was what you needed. however, the nagging voice in your head painstakingly reminded you that to you, smoking was just like this boy you hopelessly loved: no matter how long you resisted and fought the temptation, you would always lose. a true trait of an embarrassing romantic, desperately caught in the silk threads of an ex-lover's web.

why couldn't you let go? seungmin had brought you nothing but trouble. every single time you even saw him, there was this feeling in your gut of all these emotions jumbled together. was it longing? was it hate? was it hurt? was it love? you tried and tried and tried to scrutinize said emotions under some sort of psychological microscope, but they always ended up in some colorless, misshapen blob.

in your head, you tried every situation possible. in the confines of your mind, where the only thing holding you together was your imagination and sheer delusion, you and seungmin lived happily ever after. but that was the confines of your mind, a fantasy inside a prison. in the real world, you and seungmin were a pair of star-crossed lovers, fated to love once and never again, swathed in tragedy.

it was in the back of your mind, what you could've been, would've been, two twin ghosts, staring blankly, their piercing ebony orbs drilling symmetrical holes into your skull.

and then, you saw the boy.

he started appearing everywhere, from various distances, always staring silently. no emotion was on his face other than pure, unbridled contempt. his stature and appearance were fucking identical to seungmin. yet he never talked. it was a reminder of your past.

the boy appeared again, and again, and again, and again, and again...and again.

you couldn't take it anymore. tears streamed down your cheeks, pooling on your linen sheets as you pulled out your phone to frantically dial in a number you had memorized to a t.

kim seungmin, your end and your beginning, your problem and your solution, picked up approximately after the third or fourth ring.

"hello? yn, is that you?" you took a deep breath, not even paying attention to how your hands had become unstable and shaky.

"yeah, it's me. how are you doing?" you asked, testing the waters. were they still choppy, filled with jagged rocks and sharks? or had they become more moderate and mild during this horrid separation?

"i'm good. you know, i saw that you called me, and i wasn't even nervous or anything. this time away from you really helped me heal. i guess we just weren't right for each other." the words were like a spear, impaling your guts as they spewed everywhere.

"really?" you asked, your volume significantly lower as you recovered from the shock. you fumbled around in your bag for a cigarette and your lighter, desperate for some comfort.

"yeah, haha." a higher, feminine voice could be heard saying something unintelligible to seungmin on the other side of the phone. "oh, shit...i gotta go. my girlfriend needs me. i'll see you around, okay? i noticed i haven't seen you in like two weeks, which is unusual. bye, now."

and then he hung up.

he hung up, leaving you dumbfounded, sitting on your bed with an unlit cigarette. that was when the overwhelming wave of nausea came, and you rushed to the bathroom.

for sixteen long days, pieces of the person you once knew yourself as withered away and crumbled to dust. and in those very same sixteen days, which each felt like an entire timeline, seungmin completely moved on, unaffected, and found himself a replacement.

you really shouldn't have called. you wouldn't have.

but you broke your promise. and unbeknownst to you, that was the very first domino. it would fall and fall and fall until you had single-handedly ruined your own life.

isn't that just fucking pathetic?

...

@evermourning, ©2023. all rights reserved.

[billlockyer]

Unlocking the Enigma: Dive into the World of Favorite Mystery Novels

Introduction:

Mystery novels have always captivated readers with their intriguing plots, suspenseful narratives, and enigmatic characters. From classic detective stories to modern thrillers, the genre has left an indelible mark on the literary world. In this article, we explore a selection of favourite mystery novels that have stood the test of time, drawing readers into a labyrinth of suspense, puzzle-solving, and unexpected twists.

I. The Golden Age Mysteries: Unraveling Classic Whodunits

The Golden Age of mystery novels, roughly spanning the 1920s to 1940s, marked the emergence of iconic detective characters and intricate plotlines. Agatha Christie's "Murder on the Orient Express" (1934) introduced readers to the brilliant Hercule Poirot, who faces a perplexing murder aboard a luxurious train. Similarly, Arthur Conan Doyle's "The Hound of the Baskervilles" (1902) sees Sherlock Holmes untangling a web of supernatural occurrences in the eerie moors of Devonshire. These timeless classics continue to bewitch readers with their meticulous detective work and unexpected denouements.

II. Psychological Thrillers: Unsettling the Mind

In the realm of psychological mysteries, Gillian Flynn's "Gone Girl" (2012) reigns supreme. This modern masterpiece delves into the dark complexities of a troubled marriage, weaving a tale of manipulation, deceit, and shifting perspectives. Flynn's intricate plotting and unreliable narrators keep readers on edge, questioning the truth until the final pages. Another notable entry is Dennis Lehane's "Shutter Island" (2003), where a U.S. Marshal investigates a disappearance on a secluded asylum island, only to confront his own sanity. These gripping psychological thrillers probe the depths of the human psyche, leaving readers enthralled and haunted.

III. International Intrigue: Uncovering Global Secrets

Transporting readers across continents, international mysteries offer a taste of different cultures and a global perspective. Steig Larsson's "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" (2005) introduces Lisbeth Salander, a brilliant hacker embroiled in a complex investigation that unravels dark family secrets. Set against the backdrop of Sweden, this novel combines suspense, social commentary, and unforgettable characters. In Umberto Eco's "The Name of the Rose" (1980), a Franciscan friar investigates a series of murders in a medieval Italian abbey, revealing political and religious conspiracies. These international mysteries offer readers a passport to thrilling adventures in unfamiliar territories.

IV. Cozy Mysteries: Embracing Quaint Whodunits

For readers seeking a lighter and more charming mystery experience, cozy mysteries provide the perfect escape. Agatha Christie's "Miss Marple" series, featuring the sharp-witted elderly sleuth, delights readers with quaint English village settings and clever observations. Titles such as "The Murder at the Vicarage" (1930) showcase Christie's knack for intricate plots wrapped in a cozy atmosphere. In Alexander McCall Smith's "The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency" (1998), readers are transported to Botswana, where the delightful protagonist, Precious Ramotswe, solves crimes with wit and compassion. These cozy mysteries offer a comforting and engaging reading experience.

Conclusion:

Mystery novels have a unique ability to enthrall readers, offering them the chance to become detectives themselves, piecing together clues and solving puzzles. From the classic whodunits of the Golden Age to the mind-bending psychological thrillers of the present day, the mystery genre continues to evolve and captivate. Whether you enjoy intricate unravelling plots with iconic detectives, delving into the depths of the human mind, exploring international intrigue, or embracing cozy and charming tales, the world of mystery novels holds a treasure trove of captivating stories waiting to be discovered. So, grab a magnifying glass, turn the pages, and embark on an unforgettable journey into the realm of mystery.

[xianoquendo]

a year wrapped: 2019 MUSIC

the wide ground of music is inescapable. i have been a chameleon for this field when it comes to preference. every year, unexpected new artists surface with the vigor and might to conquer, they come and dismantle or improve my taste, but at the same time, some old artists have the strength lasting long enough to enamor my ears as they resurface. classics and new arrivals in the game. they mix and match, a mishmash that forms music for me... i know it's really late for this, but these are my top 2019-released songs (in order);

20. In My Room - Frank Ocean

Frank Ocean was a weirdo for the music industry last year, surfacing on the edge of 2019 to release surprise songs that none found favorable. In My Room seems to be a departure from the emotional Blonde but also appears to be an entrance for a new world. Its heavy beats are drowning for my ears, but the lyrics, as usual, hits a pang of sentimental world. A journey again through Ocean's experiences. "Quit being violent with me. You make me violent. My room. My roomie."

19. Dance Monkey - Tones and I

Dance Monkey saw a world-wide smash lasting its waves until the start of 2020. It's another product of TikTok-enables-hits. It's nothing but an eargasm, no more than those. Is this song beautiful? I don't know either. But one thing's sure: It surely is catchy. I remember playing this all the time as I take a bath. The vibes are strong with Tones and I's out-of-this-world voice.

18. Banaag - Munimuni

Banaag is one of the few entries of Munimuni in this list. The OPM was simply not the same as it was when Munimuni released their debut album: the bars are now set higher. Banaag exhibits a beautiful prose partnered with overwhelming flutes and lovable strums. It offers a view of how an undying love persists. The instrumental interludes are breath-taking and alluring. It brings you to another world. No one will match Munimuni's lyricism. A fluent, elegant and colorful boasting of Filipino. They live up to tell that our music is more as they use the power of our own language. This is a song about true love, and you are ought to feel how true it is by simply listening. "Magmaliw man ang araw, magtago man ang mga ilaw, ako ay mananatili kailan pa man." - no one ends a song as dearing as this one does.

17. Too Much - Carly Rae Jepsen

The pop market is alive again thanks to Carly Rae Jepsen. Too Much is just one of Carly Rae Jepsen's songs in this list. When she released Dedicated during the first quarter of the year, it became an inescapble experience for me, just like what her Emotion album did. It's always a cycle with her. With this song, Jepsen successfully defines the perils of loving too much. It defines a fear but only in a way that a popstar always do, through dancing it all out with the powerful beats and synths. The solitude percolates out of lyrics, both being personal and relatable. "I'll do anything to get to the rush. Now im dancing, and im dancing too much. So be careful if you want this touch. Cause when I love you, then I love you too much... Is this too much?" - It is a reflection under the disco lights. It is what you feel when you are both happy and worried about falling in love.

16. Blame It On Your Love - Charli XCX ft. Lizzo

Another true popstar releasing a full album last year, is Charli XCX. Blame It On Your Love is a carefree promotional single, not in a bad way but in the good way. A careless exhibition of just singing away all your thoughts. The beat invites you to jive along with it as it reveals careless sentiments like blaming lovers and saying that you are done with all the pain. Lizzo plays out an empowering rap. It appears to be a girl-power anthem, but the gays and guys won't mind if they dance along too.

15. Dulo Ng Hangganan - IV Of Spades

IVOS' debut album was another mythic scenario for the OPM last year. They cemented their way to become a stable archetype of edgy pop band. Dulo Ng Hangganan is like the successor of Mundo, only it staggers with too much emotions. It is painful but it manages to coat itself with beauty. Zild's voice is something to live up to.

14. Hawak - KOLARERAL, Tao

KOLATERAL was last year's biggest grenade of OPM. It is overflowing with anger, emotions, purpose and quality. It's the only music entity to demand justice and that speaks a lot already. The RnB and Rap industry prospers in full-scale, but when Kolateral came, the game changed and now the industry demands purpose and sense. Hawak is the only non-rap song on the album, it is lightly RnB but doesn't boast much of the heavy beats. It is perhaps the most important song of the album. It is more of a vivid narration, with emotions that can awake all the blind people. A powerful movement and realization rooted from the tragedy of our country. The first time I listened to it, I sobbed. The second time, I still sobbed. It is very powerful, emotional and striking. "Ang buhay ba namin barya para sa katulad nila? Walang laman tiyan, pero katawan namin punong-puno ng tingga. Karahasan ba ang sagot? Karapatan ba ay limot? Anong dahil, anong dahilan ba nito?" - Its lyrics can almost grasp a Palanca trophy. No one can picture injustice as clear as this song.

13. She - Harry Styles

Harry Styles proves to be a wonderful artist, escaping more and more from the dreadful generality of 1D's music. This song shows a new Harry Styles, a reborned daredevil willing to explore new grounds. The mellow of his debut album are now all gone, now there are sensual daydreams and strums of nightmares hidden behind electric guitars. You can drown in his powerful instrumental interludes and escape your reality in exchange for a short time in a bar or under the neon sky of Harry's world.

12. Softly - Clairo

Clairo's debut album solidifies her status as a star. The mellowness of Softly attracts ears ang angels. Her voice is angelic as ever, and more poweful now that it tells stories in her narratives of falling in love. It touches and tickles your heart to beat. It is light. It is glinting. It makes you want to fall in love. She is a touch of youthful joy and an aroma of tender and loving innocence.

11. Cornelia Street - Taylor Swift

Lover didn't live up to meet Reputation or 1989, but it has its deep cuts and special tracks that still make the album tolerable at least. Cornelia Street is one of those deep cuts. Taylor will always be good at narrative tragic lovestories, along with defining the painful waves of that. She makes the most out of street names and apartment doors. With this song, she vividly puts the listeners into the streets of New York, in the windows of apartments, beside our previous lovers, making you feel how it is to fall and how it is to bleed. It sounds personal. It feels special.

10. Maniac - Conan Gray

Maniac is nothing compared to Conan Gray's emotional, sentimental and mellow songs, but that's what makes it beautiful. It is so striking and violent that it makes another image for Conan Gray. It proves that Conan Gray is made up of different ideas and powers. Maniac gives you the power to belittle and bewitch your past lovers. It puts confidence in you as you dance all the pain away. It has something in its beats and lyrics that empowers you as you scream YOU MANIAC! like a true liberated person. It's like being so full with everything and finally breaking out of the cycle. Liberating and amusing at the same time. A move-on anthem.

9. Party For One - Carly Rae Jepsen

2019 was a year of solitude and singularity for me. And I should thank Carly Rae Jepsen for making a song that makes me feel happy and thankful that I am single. Party For One is an anthen for the single people. It lives up to its title: it really feels like partying when you listen to it. It is liberating to feel all the emotions that this song can give you. The beats are perfectly modest to its lyrics, they mix together well to give you a stream of joy and power. "If you don't care about me, I'll just dance for myself, back on my feet!" - exhilarating and exciting. It mocks your pains on love away. It spits at your exes. An unapologetic and naive kind of happiness under the party lights.

8. Venice Bitch - Lana Del Rey

Lana Del Rey was the center of my 2019. Norman Fucking Rockwell! is the album of 2019. It's my album of the year. The emotions and lyricism rooting from womanhood deploys so much fire, spreading the tones everywhere. Lana Del Rey's soft voice hypnotizes you to follow her story of love and longingness. As the lead single of her album, it makes up a bizarre emotion in you and runs a solid entrance to the album itself. The night will simply dance with this song. It's 9 minutes long but you will dive in the song to realize that it is a masterpiece. The breaking beats and high-pitched strums are dazzling. The long interlude puts you in a trance. It is different emotions all in one.

7. Bawat Piyesa - Munimuni

Munimuni crafts the most perfect and honest Filipino love songs, and Bawat Piyesa proves that. Nothing is more moving than a song that overflows with emotions and feelings. Bawat Piyesa rains its listeners with sweetness and pain, it fills one's heart up. It is so honest to the point that it aches your heart to think that someone can craft a lovesong as honest as that. Teej's placid but poignant voice graces smoothly. The instruments perfected a masterpiece, and perhaps this song solidifies and stands out in the whole album. The emotions of Kulayan Natin, as an album, peaks at Bawat Piyesa. A proof that Munimuni's strength propsers in proses of love.

6. Finally // beautiful stranger - Halsey

Halsey's Manic was just released earlier this year, but its beauty already graced us by the end of last year. This song deserves to be more than just a promotional single. It is a step towards becoming a more diverse artist. Halsey has always been wild and rabid with songs that shows her evolution and power as a woman, but with this song, she melts down to be honest and endearing. She sits down with a guitar in an empty bar and sings her heart out. She yearns the affection but is afraid to fall. She is falling for a stranger, and it feels securing but also sad. She perfectly captures everything to formulate a something that everyone would relate to. A picture of raw feelings.

5. Fuck it I love you - Lana Del Rey

Lana Del Rey was indestructible last year with her album, the mainstream media wasn't fully aware of that but the critics know the power of her record. And it was a big robbery that she did not win Album of the Year for the Grammys this year. With FIILY, she casually narrates and spills her emotions out, but with respect to her Americana image (by casually using California as the setting) and the theme of her album. It's overwhelming how she portrays the vulnerability of women when it comes to loving. She is honest with that note. But at the same time, she appears to be a cool bitch who just don't give a fuck. "Turn the radio on, dancing to a pop song. Fuck it, I love you!" - the use of profanity to show how casual she is in terms of loving and in terms of her pains. Lana Del Rey is a true gem artist for this decade. And everyone knows that.

4. Bukod-Tangi - Unique Salonga

IV Of Spades may have reached different peaks of charts with their debut album last year, but the uncacalculatable Unique Salonga plays a match by releasing only two perfectly-crafted songs: Lamang Lupa and Bukod-Tangi. And the latter imposes so much emotions and power at its own style. Bukod-Tangi is a gem. It shouts a volume of representation for Unique as an artist: the emptiness of fame and the spontaneity. IV Of Spades may be enjoying their fame with their mainstream songs, but Unique Salonga is spilling his heart out with honest sentiments in his belittling of fame, and that sets him apart and makes him more of a genius and genuine artist. The song blooms with a happy tone and beat but the lyrics connotes a very deep sadness and emptiness, this makes this song unique and fun, it is a paradox. Happy beats + extremely sad lyrics = paradox. "Kahit may paghiyaw sa'king pangalan, at kahit naririnig ang palakpakan, ay ramdam ko ang pag-iisa." - that hits you right through your hearts' guts. I have never felt so alone and empty just by listening to a song. The echoing of "ramdam ko ang pag-iisa" at the end of the song will haunt your soul.

3. Graveyard - Halsey

Graveyard is a typical and regular pop song, but oddly, it spoke a lot to me as a person. I consider it as a love song despite its lack of mellowness and the heaviness of its beats. It is a dedication of yourself to someone, encorporated with one's grit to reach someone, despite digging your own grave - that's love for me. The way the song escalates from slow tune to a fast tumble-down of words feels amazing and sounds satisfying. It shifts from slow to fast to slow again to fast again. Halsey's voice can do that with perfection and ease. Her voice shows so much emotions and the lyricism and add-on sound effects are catchy. No one compares the warning signs to the butterflies except for Halsey. And no one gasps in a song record except for Halsey. A true powerful artist for our generation.

2. Norman fucking Rockwell - Lana Del Rey

Do I need to say something more? I already told a lot about Lana. And this song? With an intro saying "Goddamn manchild, you fucked me so good that I almost said 'I love you'", this song already proved its power. It's just what Lana do. She is a witch bitch. She will make you cry just by singing. She is THAT woman.

1. Real Love - Carly Rae Jepsen

Carly's Dedicated showcases too many emotions connected to love: the pain of it, the joy of it, jealousy, carelessness, youth, womanhood, everything. The album gives you the ups and downs of loving. And with Real Love, Jepsen was able to make you feel the lack and yearning for real love. It is brutally honest in a sense of fun. Something about yearning for love makes one sad but also hopeful at the same time, of what he/she will be facing when he/she finally reaches that love. "I go everyday without it, all I want is real real love." - Jepsen confesses neediness. Her demand for true love in this song will make you feel the sincerity of Jepsen as an artist. "Im not even scared about, all I want is real real love. But I don't know a thing about it, all I want is real real love." - you can feel the genuine desperation for affection, but the innocence and yearning wraps up in a drop beat after the line, and then everything else, just like how Jepsen does it, is under the disco, in a jive. It's fun how she puts alluring and amazing drop beats to her songs that will make you jive and dance and jump, but it's more amazing how the emotions of the song don't diminish despite the presence of these drop beats. Jepsen has made me feel how it is to yearn for love and dance at the same time, and with that notion itself, Jepsen has solidified me as a person through the 2019. A boy who wonders aimlessly trying to search for a thing that would satisfy him, while dancing through all the pains of its search. A brief touch of youth at its full strength.