#bleghhhhhhhhhhh why must language be so difficult??

[threadsun]

Urghhhhhhh hate language sometimes!! Specifically like...... when people ask for f!reader or m!reader stuff, I like... look, I consciously know that almost always (especially when it's a smut request) they're looking specifically for a perisex cisgender reader. But I also deeply object to the idea that f and m should refer to anything other than gender identity (and maybe pronouns). But then it's like... I'll also get stuff like "amab nonbinary" and I'm like okay I know you're making assumptions about amab bodies being perisex, and therefore expecting a penis and no breasts and stuff like that. But like. amab and afab only refer to the sex marker assigned on your birth certificate, which has nothing to do with your physical sex, especially if you're intersex.

Idk it's all just so... messy. And perisex cis is the default. And it's hard to like... figure out a uniform language to refer to these things? And I'm trans and intersex and my body and identity are messy and I got a degree in gender studies and like...... even I don't know the answer to this. But I'm always trying to figure out the balance between not giving in to the dominant assumptions of perisexual cisgenderness and like... interpreting the requests I get in the most favourable light while still being in line with what I believe to be right.

Like if I get a request about someone going down on a male reader, should I just go with what the most likely intention was from the requester and give that reader a penis? Should I intentionally be contrary and make him a man with a vagina or intersex genitalia? Should I remain ambiguous about his genitalia despite most people specifying gender in smut requests because they want something more detailed? Should I use it as an opportunity to soap box about gender vs sex vs assigned sex instead?

Idk it's something I'm encountering more and more, and I never quite know how to handle it. I hate just accepting perisex and cisgender as the defaults. But at the same time, if I'm going to bother doing requests I want to try to make them as true to what I think the requester wants as possible. And I also don't wanna punish people for not knowing the language to be inclusive to trans and intersex people, but I also don't want to be passively spreading the idea that the terms currently being used are acceptably inclusive.