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#bob lives in my head rent free
goosewithtwoos · 5 months
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SLUMBER PARTY
Pairing: Bob x Reader
Summary: Phoenix left some aphrodisiac brownies at your house - you accidentally eat one
DISCLAIMER: yeah i got no fwicking clue how aphrodisiacs work so this is more of a crack post than anything don’t take it too seriously
“You brought brownies!” You squeal, running up to hug your best friend.
Phoenix was carrying a small box of brownies that were perfectly decorated with powdered sugar. Your mouth was watering just looking at them.
“Hands off!” She cries, holding them over her head. “It’s a gift for someone. I’m going to a bachelorette party later.”
You pout. “Not even one?”
“Not even one.”
The two of you head inside, catching up on things and discussing plans for your next official leave. You were trying to schedule a trip with everyone down to Sanibel island off the coast of Florida but Hangman was being difficult and said the time he’d spent in Pensacola had been enough to last a lifetime.
You helped Phoenix get ready for the party, doing her makeup for her. Having grown up with four older brothers, Phoenix had never had time to play with makeup. You didn’t mind - in fact, you loved doing makeup for other people.
After about 45 minutes, a phone rang. Phoenix picks hers up only to find that it was your phone that was ringing.
You grab it off the vanity and check the caller ID.
Bob.
You show your phone to Phoenix who grins wildly. She’s known about your crush on her WSO ever since she had introduced you.
“Hello?” You ask tentatively. It was rare that he’d call you. Typically, he’d call someone else and ask them to ask you something.
“Hey, uh, sorry this is weird for me to call. I was just wondering -“
Your heart was beating out of your chest. You looked at Phoenix, silently pleading with her for help.
‘Put him on speaker’ She mouths. You quickly do so, holding your breath lest he notices the change.
“I have your credit card. You left it at the Hard Deck last night and Penny gave it to me. I was wondering when would be a good time to drop it off?”
‘Right now!’ Phoenix mouths.
‘Right now?’ You mouth back, looking at the state of your room and yourself in the mirror. She nods frantically, turning around and quickly reorganizing your things back into the drawers.
“Umm…well I’m home right now if you wanted to bring it over.” You hoped you came across at least slightly suave instead of a panicking mess.
“Oh!” Bob sounded caught off guard. “Yeah, I can do that. Do you want me to leave it in your mailbox?”
Phoenix whips her head around. ‘No!’
“No? I mean, no! I’ve uh…been having a lot of mail theft recently. You can never been too careful.”
Bob hummed. “Mail theft is a huge deal. You should report it. I remember my sister had a problem with that for a while too.”
Bless. his. heart.
“Yeah…” Your voice died off, trying to figure out if this actually was real life or simply some dream. Bob was coming over. Your heart fluttered at the idea. “So! Um, when should I expect you?”
“Maybe like 30 minutes? I just left the PX and rush hour is kinda crazy at this time of day.”
Phoenix was grinning wickedly. She gave you two thumbs up and the look in her eyes told you that maybe this wasn’t a terrible idea.
You made a noise of agreeance in the back of your throat. “Sounds perfect.”
The next 30 minutes of your life we’re some of the most stress inducing you’d ever faced. You wanted everything to be perfect. Phoenix had high tailed it out of there, nearly forgetting her purse, and you sped cleaned the whole house like the president was coming to visit.
Sure, he was probably just going to come to the door, drop off your card, and leave but the small glimmer of hope you held made you clean. Maybe this time you’d actually have the balls to ask him to come inside.
A soft knock at your door announced his arrival. You scrambled from the couch, brushing down your shirt and fixing your hair before answering the door.
“Hey!” He choked out, taking in your figure. Your flight suit was pretty conservative along with you cammies. It was a rare occasion for him to see you in your civilian clothes. “This is for you.”
You took the card from him, careful to not accidentally brush his hand with yours.
“Thank you so much, I don’t know how I could have forgotten this.” You quickly shove the card into your back pocket for safe keeping.
He quickly shoved his hands in his front pocket and shrugged. “Happens to the best of us.”
You nodded, unsure of what to say and didn’t trust yourself to not randomly blurt out an ‘I love you’, so you settled for an awkward silence.
After you both had stared at each other for far too long, he gave you a quick nod and started to pivot away. “Well, guess I’ll see you back at in on Monday.”
Damn it, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. You were supposed to invite him in and talk and maybe watch a movie and hold hands a little. Not have him walk away after less than a minute on your doorstep.
“Do you wanna come in?” You blurt out, surprising not only him but also yourself. “I have to give you something as an appreciation. I probably have a beer or something.” Fucking dumbass.
He turned back towards you, removing his hands from his pockets.
“I won’t take a beer but I will take a water.”
You stepped out of the doorframe allowing room for him to enter. “I do in fact also have water.”
He entered and then followed as you walked to the kitchen. It was small but good enough to make borderline decent meals. You weren’t much of a chef anyways and ate at the chow hall more than you’d care to admit.
“Do you want ice and a glass or just a bottle?” You ask, turning to the cupboard.
“Just a glass, no ice.” He said, taking in your decor.
This wasn’t a permanent lodging, just for the time you’re stationed here, but you still liked to decorate a little bit. Felt more like something you could call home.
You poured a glass and handed it to him, brushing his fingers as you did.
Your heart picked up from the slight touch and you cursed yourself for being such a child. You were a Naval aviator, you should be able to touch someone without having your mind go completely blank. Yet alas. Your mind was gone the moment his fingers touched yours.
He took a sip, then motioned with his chin to a tupperware sitting on the counter. “You just make those?”
You tilted your head, confused on how the hell a tupperware ended up on your counter. You went to inspect it only to find they were the brownies Phoenix had brought over for the bachelorette party. She must have forgotten them in her hurry to leave.
“Uh, these actually aren’t even mine.” You admit, wondering if it would be worth calling her back for them or not. She’d probably already be there by now. Guess if she really wanted them she would have called and asked. “Phoenix made them. She stopped by earlier and I guess she left them.”
His shoulders slumped a little bit at the news.
“But it doesn’t seem like she’s gonna come back for them any time soon and it would be a real shame to waste them.” You quickly follow up. The look on his face was worth it. You didn’t really want a brownie but you knew he wouldn’t eat one if you didn’t.
You pulled two paper towels and grabbed a brownie for the both of you, handing one to him and smelling yours. God, it smelled so good. Were these really made by Phoenix? They smelled like they were made by chocolatiers from some fancy Paris bakery.
“To Bob, for returning my card.” You said as a mock toast. He raised his brownie in turn before you took a bite in tandem.
Holy shit - they tasted even better than they smelled.
You quickly finished yours before grabbing a glass of water for yourself.
Bob stayed for a while, chatting in your kitchen about everything and anything. The conversation was completely normal so it was surprising when you felt the intense need to get off.
Your heart rate picked up rapidly and you could feel yourself getting wetter by the second. Your replies slowly turned from interesting, full and comprehensive sentences, to a mix of ‘mhm’ and ‘oh yeah’. God, why couldn’t you get control of yourself?
“Do you wanna go sit down?” You gasp out, fingers gripping the cup for dear life.
“Yeah, good idea.” Bob was looking much more pale than usual but you chocked that up to your terrible lighting and white countertops.
The two of you sat in the living area, a far enough distance from each other on the couch to make it awkward. You pulled your knees to your chest, hoping that the squeezing of your thighs would be able to help alleviate some of the feeling.
What was happening? You typically had self control but this was excessive. God, you needed a cold shower.
“So - uh - how’s your sister?” You also, trying to think of the least sexy topic.
“Good.” His reply was short and quick. His chest was heaving slightly, looking like he had just run a mile. Was he feeling the same thing you were? His composure seemed to be dissolving just like yours. “Sorry, I’m just a little bit warm. Do you mind if I take this off?” He gestured to his sweater, lightly tugging at the bottom.
You screamed internally. “Of course.” Fuck, once he mentioned heat, your whole body exploded and you needed to take a polar plunge.
Even once his sweater was off, he kept readjusting.
“I’ll turn a fan on.” The moment you stood, you knew something was really wrong. Your legs were like jello. Your heart was racing as your body ached with desperation.
The fan did little to help you cool off and the feeling was simply just getting worse. You had been talking about something, taxes maybe? Something that should have been a complete turn off but Bob was looking at you like he wanted to ravish you.
Your voice trailed off when you realized he wasn’t even paying attention to what you were saying and you couldn’t even remember where your sentence had died off.
“I’m so sorry, I promise I’m trying to listen, I don’t…” He was audibly panting, adjusting his collar. “Fuck, can I kiss you?”
The heat between your thighs was like nothing you’d ever felt before. “Mhm.” You manage to nod, trying desperately to not go insane. You needed his hands on you, like, yesterday.
In an instant, he pulled you into a lip bruising kiss, bucking his hips the moment you straddled him. He was so hard already, you were surprised by how needy he was before anything had even happened.
You kissed like the world was going to end. Like you needed each other like some sort of drug.
His hands found your waist, massaging your sides. You couldn’t help but grind your hips down on his, relishing the sounds he made. When his fingers slipped under your shirt, cold hands touching your warm skin, you gasped into his mouth.
“I need you so bad.” He whined.
“Say it again.” The pounding in your chest increased rapidly at his admission.
“I - I need you. Oh my God.” He cried as you bit down on the soft spot beneath his ear. “You can’t keep doing that.”
You smirk, dragging your tongue along the sensitive spot. “This?”
His whole body shook as he pulled you down tighter against him. “Y-yeah, that.” You couldn’t tell if the movement of your hips was your doing or his strong hands, pushing and pulling you back and forth.
“Can I take your shirt off?” He begs.
“God, yes, please.” You reply. His hands quickly pulled your t-shirt up and over, throwing it somewhere across the room.
Seeing your chest turned him feral. In an instant, his eyes darkened and all inhibition was gone.
“Jesus Christ.” He mutters, cupping your chest through your bra and squeezing. “I could die in between these.”
“Fuck me first.” You pant. You felt like your whole body was on fire. You needed friction, for him to touch you, anything.
He leaned forward and licked from the center of your chest slowly up your neck. You’d never had anyone else do anything like that but it was hot all the same. A strong hand lightly gripped your throat, pressing down enough to feel something but not enough to cut off any blood flow.
“God, you’re gorgeous. Could keep you on my lap forever.” He growls.
Something about the possessiveness made your mind short circuit.
“Robert.” You moan, pressing yourself down again. Every nerve was on fire. You were on fire. You were going to burn and you were going to burn with him.
“I got you, honey.” His southern drawl slowly making its way into his speech. You’d always been interested in saving a horse and riding a cowboy, and now seemed like a good time to try it.
You smashed your mouths back together and began pawing at the bottom of his shirt. You wanted it off but you didn’t want to peel yourself away from him.
He made quick work of the buttons on your shorts, pulling down the zipper and pressing two fingers against you. It felt so good - too good - and you needed him now.
"Please, please, please." You were begging a man, and you couldn't care less.
“I got you baby, you don’t need to beg. I’ll give it to you. Fuck, gonna give it to you so good.” His fingers were inside you, working you open, thumb pressing against your clit.
You threw your head back, groaning in agony and pleasure as he presses against your g-spot.
“Gorgeous, so fucking gorgeous,” he mumbles more to himself than anyone else. You were riding his fingers like a pro, swiveling your hips and grinding down like you’d done it a hundred times before.
“I need…I need you in me.” You moan out.
“I am in you.” He teases, biting down on your shoulder.
This cocky little son of a - “Robert Jameson Floyd.” You whine again. You’d never been reduced to whining and begging before but suddenly, it was the only thing you could do.
He groans when you call him by his full name. His fingers pull out, tapping your folds a few times before being pulled from your shorts completely. He lifts them and - damn him - sticks them into his mouth, acting as if it was the most delicious thing he’d had all week. “You need to take these off.”
Brilliant idea.
You stand, quickly removing your shorts and panties in a fluid move. He unbuckles his jeans and pushes them down. His boxers came off almost immediately afterwards and your eyes went wide.
You’d known he was pretty. Hell, he was probably the prettiest man you’d ever seen, but you didn’t realize that every inch of him was going to be pretty. And big.
You swallow, eyes flicking up to meet his. He was panting, looking at you and you realized you didn’t feel self conscious at all. You felt good, safe, and sexy. You’d probably ask to marry him if he could fuck you as good as he was saying he could.
“How’d you want this?” He asks.
“You’re from Texas, right?” You ask and he nods. “I’ve always been interested in saving horses.”
He throws his head back, laughing. “If it weren’t you standing naked in front of me right now, I’d be getting up and leaving. That was the worst thing I’ve ever heard. Get over here.”
You suppress a laugh, sitting back down on his lap, feeling him hard as a rock underneath you. "Your shirts coming off." You say, pulling at it.
He removes his glasses, shaking his head lightly, tousling his hair even more than your hands had. With or without his glasses, he made it hard to breathe. When he removes his shirt, you were sure he'd knocked the wind out of you entirely.
Your mind couldn't think of anything to say so you opted for leaning down and capturing him into another kiss. His large hands wrap around your side, kneading the flesh beneath. You had began rocking your hips back and forth without even realizing it until his hand stopped you.
"I want to get inside you before I come from just this." He admits, resting his forehead against yours.
You nod, still unable to form coherent thoughts. "Yeah, yeah that's a good idea."
You lift your hips as he lines himself up. Much to your pleasure, he didn't force you down and allowed for you to go at your own pace. It had been a while and you were tight. He hisses through his teeth as you sink down.
"Fit inside me so good." You tell him. He throws his head back, letting out a low moan. You were glad he wasn't the type of man who tried to silence himself. He sounded so beautiful. "Could stay here forever."
"Fuck me first." He says, bucking his hips ever so slightly, echoing your words from earlier.
Who were you to decline such a polite request?
You lift yourself up, enjoying how his eyes immediately snap down to watch where you're connected. The grip on your hips tightens as you go back down.
It felt like your senses were heightened. Every inch of him was sending flames through you. Your heart felt like it was going to burst out of your chest and Bob looked no better.
He was watching intensely as you moved, mouth ajar. You press your hands against his chest and lean forward ever so slightly. The change of angles makes you see stars.
"Oh my God." You cry out. He felt impossibly deep and so, so good.
"Feels better than I ever thought possible." He groans. "Just like you were made for me."
"Thought about this before?" You tease, spelling your name with your hips. What size ring was he?
Bob's hand leaves your waist and trails down to your clit. "Often." With a light pinch, you're doubling over, crying out with a mix of broken moans and his name.
"You're gonna make me come fast if you keep doing that." You warn him. As much as you wanted to come, the thought of this being over made you want to hold off as long as possible.
He pinches again. "I'm no better, darlin. Come whenever, I'll be right behind you." The feeling of him inside you was making you crazy. You were losing your mind and felt entirely content with it. "Fuck, keep doing that."
Your orgasm was rapidly approaching. You'd never come this quickly before and it would be embarrassing if Bob weren't so stunningly handsome and crying out just as much as you were. Sweat was beading on his forehead, causing his baby hairs to stick down.
You run your hand across his head, moving both the hairs and his head back. He looks at you, all fucked out, and the sight alone is perfect shower head masturbation material for the next few months.
"You're so beautiful." He says, his eyes glazed over, like he couldn't believe that you were real. "Can't believe this is real."
You moan in agreeance. This was beyond your wildest dreams. You would have never imagined this as a possible scenario for how the day would go. Part of you began to worry this was all a dream and you'd wake up to find your credit card was in your wallet the whole time.
He shifted and your world exploded. He was deeper than you ever thought possible. God, it felt so good. So, so good. Too good.
"Robert, I'm gonna come." You cry out, gripping his shoulders like a vice. His lips wrap around your chest, sucking and biting down, the harsh breath feeling like Heaven and Hell all at the same time, before he roughly pulls back.
"You gotta get up before I come inside you." He warns, the grip on your hips loosening.
You force your hips back down, tightening your thighs around him. "I'm on the pill, I wanna feel you. Give it to me, please?" You asked it so innocently but your words were filthy.
"Yeah?" He breathes out. "Want me to come inside you? Fill you up?" You clench around him. "You like that, huh? Like the idea of me marking you as mine. Tell me you want it."
"I want it, I want it." You chant. "Please give it to me. Need to feel you inside me."
He takes your other breast into his mouth, bouncing you with more urgency. "Gonna fill you up so good." You hear him mumble around you.
He pinches your clit and you're a goner. Your orgasm rips through you and you're coming harder than you've come before around him. You can tell you're saying something but your mind is so blank, you're not quite sure what it is.
"Holy fuck." He moans, hips stilling as you feel him come inside you.
You're both panting, resting foreheads against each other. You can feel him spilling out but make no effort to move. This was something you'd want to savor for as long as you lived. A size 10 ring would probably fit him nicely.
He presses a kiss to your cheek. His hands pull your hair from your face back into a makeshift pony tail from where it had been sticking to your neck with sweat before letting it fall. "You're amazing."
You laugh lightly, never having been told that after getting absolutely railed before. "I think that belongs to you. I've never had someone make me come that quickly before."
"Same." He agrees. He finds his glasses, putting them on and blinking rapidly to readjust his vision. "A goddess, for sure."
You laugh and swat at his chest. "A cowboy, for sure." He groans, rolling his head back.
“Oh, who the fuck is calling me right now?” You breathed out as your phone began ringing, pulling you from your lovely little bubble. Your heart dropped when you saw who it was. It was Phoenix. You didn't get off him, simply grabbing your phone from the table and answering “Hello?”
“Hey girl, I’m so sorry I just realized I left the brownies at your place! Don’t eat them okay? They’re for a prank.” Her voice was rushed as she got out every word.
“What do you mean ‘they’re for a prank’?”
“They’re aphrodisiac.”
Ah.
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basketobread · 3 months
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Was Warlock called baby when he was a baby because a baby’s occupation is baby
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(younger warlock shown above) the funniest thing is that he actually has a name but hates it because... lore and family drama reasons... and went by his birth name even after being kicked out.
years later he made a pact with his patron, decided to be mysterious, and chose to go by "The Warlock" once he moved again but this time to the Underdark where he would forever be called this instead...
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...but your idea is WAY funnier. so.
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jesse-pinko · 23 days
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Additional Gravity Falls OC doodles! Matilda Pines is the triplet sister of Dipper and Mabel Pines. Intuitive and thoughtful, Matilda often finds herself in the particularly unfortunate position of acting as family mediator to the rest of the Pines family, and her quiet agreeability sometimes leads to her feeling eclipsed by her siblings’ more domineering personalities. When Grunkle Stan lets the triplets each pick out something from the gift shop at the end of “Tourist Trapped”, Matilda opts to take a spellbook someone left behind (I wouldn’t be at all surprised if lost-and-found items at the Mystery Shack are promptly resold as new merchandise by Stan). She discovers a talent for witchcraft, and quickly latches onto it as a core part of her identity. Despite her more macabre interests and borderline coddling of her family, Matilda is not as easy a target as she appears at first glance, and handles bullies easily with a sharp tongue and a blasé attitude. She’s also just as predisposed to holding grudges as either of her uncles, and is especially unlikely to forget slights against her family. Matilda is also happily attuned as to whether a bad idea is “fun bad” or “actually a bad idea” and is more likely than not to join in on or even instigate “fun bad” ideas with her siblings. Over the course of the series she becomes more confident in doling out hard truths when she thinks her family needs to hear them, which is pretty often. Matilda is indulgent with and protective of Mabel, and doesn’t tease Dipper as much as the rest of the family because she knows it actually upsets him. By the end of the series she has a good idea of who Stan is as a person, his insecurities and how far he would go to protect his family, and is extremely protective and defensive of him to other people. Because of this, she is initially distrustful of and aloof towards Ford. She is furious that his egomania and projection onto Dipper led to a rift between her siblings that caused the apocalypse, and I’m thinking I would pair the two of them off during Weirdmaggedon to hash this out. Post-Weirdmaggedon, in the likely scenario that Bill returns, she finds out that her powers come from being a reincarnated Euclydian, who purposefully sought out the powers Bill Cipher came by naturally so that her spirit could survive Euclydia’s destruction and seek revenge/ prevent Bill from destroying other dimensions, and that this past incarnation chose to come back as her specifically to be present for what could have been Bill’s final victory. This weird combination of agency/lack of agency + the feeling of being alienated from the rest of her family + having her only connection to her past life be in the form of the demon that tried to kill all of them, understandably sends her spiraling into another identity crisis. When what once made you feel empowered and free is now another heavy burden on your shoulders etc etc
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balladofthe101st · 5 months
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thinking about speirs as ares not because of his bloodlust, his violence, but rather in war, on the battlefield, when it comes down to it, you'd want speirs on your side, by your side because he'd get the job done and job done well
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br1ghtestlight · 8 months
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I do enjoy louise's character development and growth a lot but sometimes I love how unhinged early-seasons louise was. like she was so fucking funny for no reason she's pretty much the only early protrayal of a character that I actually enjoy. why was she like that 😭
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lesbian-honey-lemon · 10 months
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yes, I know I’m obsessed (platonically)
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been thinkin about them™ again
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trasho-pando2011 · 9 months
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ok my bob velseb hyperfixation is getting kind of annoying at this point. i neeeed something to replace it or something
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I feel like that one akira meme
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lov4hgirl · 2 months
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pj in her bob era we love to see it
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musedriven · 5 months
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" i don't believe in fairies phantom thieves. "
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its-a-rat-trap · 6 months
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youtube
Tommy: My curiosity is… I'm 50. I want to know what sex is like when you're 68.
Bob: [Long pause] Difficult.
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ashtraymonument · 2 years
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do you think they ever explored each others bodies?
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moonmoonthecrabking · 2 years
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penny: a little bit of BOB the builder man 2, 3, 4 dun da dun dun da da da da
constance: ...what?
penny: it's bob the builder mambo no. 5!!
constance: why?
penny: fuckennnnnnnnnnn juxtaposition ig
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HELP I JUST GOT A GOOGLE AD THAT SAID DID YOU KNOW AND MY BRAIN IMMEDIATELY WENT TO SPOOKY MONTH🥲😭
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reikunrei · 1 year
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my face when i think about how messing around with timelines could mean multiple instances where we see all the characters die in a myriad of brutal ways over and over again
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br1ghtestlight · 7 months
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I do think gene knows his full first name but it would be funny if he had NO IDEA that his name is eugene bcuz nobody has ever called him that. His full name is gene in his mind. he even made a joke once about changing his full name to geneathan and tina said she'd call him gene "for short"
andy and ollie on the other hand absolutely do Not know that their full names are andrew and oliver no matter how many times they're told this. in one ear and out the other
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