#borrow. or war and peace i cant remember...

[sameteeth]

reading no longer human was definitely very enlightening wrt dazai bsd's character... i feel like he's definitely more like yozo than not ie the clowning and silliness. even the weird womanizing angle that they do sometimes with dazai. bc like. he's sort of this terrible person, and he's so disparate from everyone, even at the detective agency. i think we see him working WITH the agency, like literally talking to them/conversing/helping a handful of times.. most of the time dazai acts as a singular agent. and a lot of that is definitely the way he plans it, but it still makes him an outsider, even among people who genuinely care about him, because dazai still sees himself as being disqualified from being a human.. even when he has chosen the "good" side.

[luvskywalker]

a long time: bucky barnes x reader

word count- 1.5k

warnings- described grief/depression, emotional hurt/sort of comfort, post endgame

a/n- HI EVERYONE!! so after this i am probably going to try and resume prideful piloting, i love the series so much and i want to see it go somewhere, i’ve just been really coming up empty when trying to write it. now, i have some more ideas for the series so hopefully ill have a new part out soon. also, i am so so soft for bucky and i just want to see him happy so i wrote this while i was crying last night LMAO

-

healing hearts always took time, anyone knew that. you never thought you would hurt this bad, you never thought that one day you wouldn’t be an avenger anymore. things change, though, especially after losing three of your closest friends. in just a year you had gone from having everything to losing it all, and in 2023, after saving the universe, you decided you couldn’t do it anymore- not now. with a little help from pepper you found a work at stark industries, and with that, bought yourself a small apartment. you had grown sick of the painful memories the compound brought, sick of the anguish brought on by seeing your suit tony made, or the dress natasha let you borrow, or steve’s old jacket you stole from him. you tried to erase it, to leave and go back to the city, to try to retire from hero work, but it was like you could never have peace. no matter what you did, it was still so hard, especially living alone, because sometimes it was like all you could do was grieve for what you’d lost. on those days, you’d barely move around your apartment and if you had to work, pepper noticed. your mind wasn’t as sharp and your shoulders were droopy so she would just send you home with a pat on your shoulder and a look of understanding. she knew. then, you’d spend the night with thoughts eating you alive, why did steve leave us, why couldn’t it have been me instead of nat, why didn’t tony let someone else snap, why can’t i be as strong as everyone else? how come they’re not hurting still?

it just hurt, so damn much, but you had to tell yourself it was okay. it was okay to hurt, okay to grieve. you got to be human now, not having to save the world, and you could focus on saving yourself.

and now, well, it was long past 2 am and you were still wide awake.

the city outside your window never slept, and it seemed that you didn’t either because each night, when you let yourself rest, all you saw was nat letting go of your hand and falling into the rocky floor of vormir.

so when someone knocked on your door, you weren’t startled awake, you just shuffled over to open it. this time, bucky was at your door.

“cant sleep?” you asked him, worry in your eyes.

he had taken to showing up at your apartment, and though you truly didn’t know why, you appreciated the company. loved it, even.

“didn’t bother to try.”

bucky was not a man of many words.

“wanna talk about it?” you asked, testing the waters, because sometimes he would but sometimes it would get too much for him and he would break down.

he just shook his head and sat down on your couch.

when he did that, you tried to change the subject.

“you know,” you started,

“i heard that you really liked to dance back in the day.” you said with a small grin.

he looked up at you, a glisten in his eyes you couldn’t quite decipher- nostalgia? excitement? sadness?

“i was the best dancer in brooklyn, doll.”

he gave you a look that put the ache in your heart on pause briefly.

“teach me.” you spoke softly, and held your hand out to him.

“i don’t know how much has changed,” he said while taking your hand and rising from the couch, “but we used to dance to music.”

he wore a sarcastic smirk as his eyes looked into your own.

“really? i had no idea.” you replied with a roll of your eyes, before pulling your hand out of his.

“give me a second then.”

you turned and walked to the corner of the room, where an old fashioned record player lie.

you put the first record you saw in and dropped the needle, the sound of a trumpet resounding softly from the speaker.

he held his hand out to you this time, and your stomach gave a little flip at the contact.

kitty kallen’s voice emerged as you danced hand in hand with bucky in your kitchen, and when you looked at him you swore there were tears in his eyes.

“this song..” he began, voice thick with emotion.

“it reminds me so much of him, caught him listening to it a lot.”

he spun you around, and you listened to bucky as the music swelled in the backround.

you risked another glance to his face, and noticed a tear trickle down his face as his jaw clenched.

“i miss him a lot,” he choked out, “he was all i had.”

you looked into his blue eyes full of hurt and you wished you could take both his and your pain and throw it out the window.

“you’ve got me now, buck.” you whispered, a sad smile present on your face.

“yeah, i guess i do.”

you lay a hand on his cheek, and brushed away a tear.

the song continued, haven’t felt like this my dear, since can’t remember when.

you kept your hand on his cheek, now barely swaying to the song.

“you know, i bought this record for him,” you explained, “i read it was one they used at the end of the war, to welcome someone home,” your voice started to waver, and your eyes welled up with tears. but, they weren’t the tears of pain. it was odd, because usually you wanted to keep the memories locked away- keep the grief hidden- but now the memories didn’t cause misery, and you looked back at this one with a bit of joy.

bucky nodded for you to continue, looking so deeply at you, making your heart pick up a little in speed.

“it seemed like he was always fighting some war, and when i played this song for him, he had peace just for a moment.”

a teardrop leaked from your eye, but a smile graced your face.

“neither of us knew how to dance, we stepped on each other’s feet so much”

bucky laughed then, unshed tears making his eyes glisten in the moonlight shining through your window.

“sounds just like steve.”

you laughed too, and continued.

“he was my best friend, yours too. why did he go?”

bucky just shook his head. you both really knew why he went back for her, but it didn’t mean it made sense. your tears stopped falling and so did his, in time with kitty kallen singing out the final line of the song.

“you said they played this when the soldiers came home?” bucky asked you, brows slightly furrowed.

“yeah, why?” you gave a tilt of your head in question.

“it’s nothing.”

you shook your head with a smile, knowing it wasn’t nothing like he had said.

your hand had since moved from his cheek to lay back on his shoulder, and he shifted a little, moving his from your hips to around your neck. the cold vibranium sent a chill through your bones, but you didn’t mind it.

“never got that welcome home like everyone else did.” he said, a solemn smile gracing his face.

“consider this your welcome home then.” you responded, and the band crescendoed, meaning the song would end soon.

you both resumed dancing, bucky giving you one more twirl, and just as the song started to end, you pulled him in toward you more.

“gotta give you a proper welcoming, sargeant.” you breathed out, and bucky caught on, leaning in toward you.

the song began to fade out, just as your lips met his, but a symphony roared in your mind.

his lips were soft against yours, and it seemed to be a perfect fit.

you felt bucky smile into the kiss, and when the song finished, he reluctantly pulled away.

your forehead rested against his, and you couldn’t stop smiling for the first time in five years.

and bucky, he felt like he might actually be happy for the first time since 1945, if he got to dance with you around your apartment and kiss you like he just did.

he pulled away more, so he could look at you, and look at you he did. he looked at you like you had hung the moon and the stars in the sky.

“i think we should dance again, doll.” he mused, eyes lingering on your own.

you agreed, and went to replay the record.

the trumpet echoed in the room, and you spun around the room, no tears, just soft smiles and breathy laughs as he guided you through simple steps.

it’s been a long, long time, the voice sang, and bucky dipped you as you laughed airily.

“can i kiss you again?” bucky asked, as the song continued, kiss me once, then kiss me twice, then kiss me once again.

you took the initiative once again, bringing his lips to meet your own for another time.

you both were wrapped up in eachother, relishing in the joy of being able to really live again, for the first time in.. a long, long time.

so yeah, everyone knew healing hearts took a long time, but they do always end up healing, especially when you have someone to help patch the wounds.

[tamaramalara13]

Chaos's Assassin 3

“Three days ago we sent team 1 to Earth to get rid of an upcoming threat. Today they have all been reported missing. We need you to go find them and help eliminate the threat.”

I wasn’t upset. I wasn’t excited either. I had been to earth on missions before so I wasn’t surprised really. My only concern was getting Willow and Nico back to Lily.

“What’s the threat?” I asked Chaos, curiosity getting the best of me. I sat in Chaos’s bland office with only a glass table between us. He tended not to keep much in his office, only some weapons and a couple of books on a shelf on the right wall.

“Well… I guess you could say he’s an old friend of yo-”

"is it Kronos?” I cut in.

“No, let me fini-”

“It’s it luke?”

“No, he’s dea-”

"Gaea?”

“I just said it was a bo-”

“Then who is it? Octavian?” I joked.

Chaos rubbed the back of his neck. Glancing nervously about the room with a look of uncomfort on his face.

“It’s Octavian isn’t it.” I said with a blank expression. 

Chaos nodded.

“I am not impressed. I had rather hoped he would die.” I said truthfully, looking across the room to glass windows behind Chaos.

“So did we all. He’s more annoying than the most annoying person I know, and I know a lot of annoying people.” Chaos said.

“Ditto. Wait a minute, you said that they were reported missing. Who reported it?”

“Camp Jupiter and… Camp Half Blood” He said finding his nails very interesting.

I nodded, unsure of how to feel about his answer. I was happy of course. But it had been so long…

“I assume that I’ll be staying with either one.” I said, avoiding eye contact.

“Camp Half Blood.” Chaos said.

I nodded, internally sighing in exasperation.

“Is that it?” I asked him.

“Yup, you leave tomorrow.”

I nodded once more and stood up to leave his office. When at the door, I paused.   

“Chaos?” I asked, turning around to face him. “Did you do it."   

He looked me straight in the eyes and said,

"I don’t break my promises.”

“You ready?” Rebecca asked me as she passed me my backpack at the mouth of the woods the next day.

“I’m not too sure.” I replied, clipping my hood onto the leather jacket i wore. Luckily for me, my hood cast a dark shadow upon my face that no one could see through.

“Brace yourself.” She said to me.

I nodded.

“i’ll see you later then” I told her, reaching for the tree with the teleportation beam.

“Omega,” Rebecca said before I could leave. “Bring them back will you.”

“You can count on it.” I said with a tight smile.

The sun looked absolutely stunning on the horizon as it disappeared behind the forest of trees. The Camp appeared just as gorgeous as how it had been when I had left. Thalia’s pine tree still sat there with Peleus wrapped around its bark. Down the hill the Big house stood in all its glory with the twelve cabins, the amphitheatre, the climbing wall and of course the toilets being the first things in my line of sight. I breathed in the clear air and made my way down towards Chiron sitting on the porch of the, oh so mighty, light blue barn.

“Hello my son. Who might you be and what might you be doing here?” Asked Chiron once I had finally made it down the steep hill, his brown eyes glistening in the dusk atmosphere and his tweed jacket looking battered as ever as he sat on his little wheelchair.

“Ahh, you must be Chiron.” I stated.

“That would be I, but I ask again. Who might you be?”

“My name is Omega and I am Chaos’s assassin. I have come to get Chaos’s soldiers back and help with the upcoming threat.”

“I take it by ‘upcoming threat’ you mean Octavian.” Chiron asked.

“That is correct.” I replied. 

“Therefore your help is much appreciated.”

“Thank you.”

He nodded.

“The rest of the Camp is at the campfire if you would like to introduce yourself.” He told me. I shook my head.

“Excuse my rudeness, but I would prefer to stay out of sights at the moment and simply borrow a room in this lovely house for the night.”

“Please, that is not a problem, we have a room already prepared inside, if you would like to take it.”

“Thank you. I hope it is not inconvenient for me to suggest a war meeting tomorrow morning?”

“Not at all,” he replied, “it would be our pleasure.“

I began to make my way towards the doorway, until he stopped me before I could leave.

"I take it you’re not going to take off your hood.” He said.  

“I am the most known Assassin in the universe. I think it’s safer for both our sakes to keep it on.” I answered.

With that I turned around and walked into the Big House. I was home… For a while.

I had once been told that the worst part of being in a war was the actual planning. Who ever said it was right. Sitting at the ping - pong table in the rec room I felt completely at home. Completely comfortable. And completely bored. But I kept my guard up. I had toured the Camp with a clueless Chiron this morning and had learnt two things. One; the seven demigods I had gotten so close to all those years ago weren’t here. And two, last time I had been here I had known every single face in the camp. This time there was about 20 newcomers. May not have seemed like a lot, but it was a pain in the neck to not be able to refer to everyone by name. It was strange really. It hadn’t been long ago that I had left. At least not for everyone else.

“We had better get started then.” Chiron announced to the room, “We are missing some of our leaders at the moment as they are in Camp Jupiter making plans, but we can cope without them.”

“Personally I think we’re better off without those wannabe’s.” I heard Drew say. Dam, I had hoped she had left in the time I had been gone.

“Shut up Drew.” Malcolm spat.

“And what gives you the right to say that to me?” She replied, her face smothered in hate.

“And what gives you the right to be rude to any of us?” Conner retorted.

“All right, all right.” Chiron hollered. “Settle down. We don’t want to be rude in front of our guest now do we?” he asked, motioning to me. I smiled slightly under my hood. I had missed this. The bickering wasn’t quite the same with Chaos.

“Anyway Malcolm, you’re the best battle strategist present. What do you propose?”

“Well, it was obviously Octavian who took Chaos’s soldiers so we only have one option. We have to prepare for a full scale attack before they have the upper hand.”

“Wrong.” I interrupted, looking at my nails. Everyone’s heads turned towards me.

“Excuse me?” A daughter of Hecate asked.

“Your wrong.” I replied, “You immediately assume there was no other option other than a full scale war, something we up in Chaos HQ are avoiding, therefore, I don’t agree.”

“Oh really?” Challenged Malcolm, “and what do you suggest?”

“Octavian’s not stupid, he knows how to plan a war and he has spies everywhere. Going offence will kill us all. He’ll be rallying all of the monsters from Tartarus, and even some Titans, we don’t have enough people. They will crush us on our own. Even with Camp Jupiter we have no chance. We need the Chaos warriors.”

“So what do you think we should do, Einstein?” Katie asked, a mask of annoyance on her normally calm face.

“We need to give out a quest.” I replied, “only the people in this room and the ones actually on the quest can know about it, so as not to alert any spies.”

“So you think we should just send a couple of random Campers into the enemy’s base, and their deaths, just to save some supposedly Elite warriors whom had got themselve kidnapped?” Clarisse La Rue asked, playing with her knife.

“No, I suggest giving a quest to two of the seven to find Octavian’s plans and free the Chaos soldiers.” I replied.

“But if they go on this mission and die, then we’ll have lost two of our best soldiers!” Travis said alarmed.

“Then let’s all hope they aren’t that stupid.”

“Then who’s going to be the third person?” Katie asked, “I don’t know how it is on Chaos’s realm, but over here three people go on Quests together.”

“I distinctly remember you breaking that rule a couple of times.”

“Those were special circumstances.” Clarisse butt in, “and how do you know about that?”

“It doesn’t matter, because I was rather hoping it would be me that went with them.”

“Why?” Clarisse demanded.

“Because, Clarisse La Rue, Daughter of Ares, I made a promise to my favourite little girl that I would get her parents home in time for Christmas. And I intend to keep it. On my own terms.”

I couldn’t tell if they were shocked because I knew about Clarisse, or because I just showed human qualities.

“And whose ‘Them’ going to be?” Connor asked.

“Honestly, I couldn’t care less. As long as they can keep up, you can decide yourselves.”

“Fine,” Clarissa said “have it your way, i nominate myself and, i cant believe im saying this, one of the seven.”

“Hey, how come you get all the quests? I think it’s our turn this time!” Travis exclaimed, him and his brother both standing up at the same time. Determination masking their identical faces.

“What?” Shouted a voice from the back of the room.

It was like a lightswitch suddenly flicked up and the room descended into chaos. There were people standing and threatening others, I could even see some people with knives and swords out. Even a bow and arrow was present.

After a couple of minutes i got bored of all the shouting. Chiron was trying to calm everyone down but it wasn’t working very well.

“All right, i get it, you’ve all been deprived! Now shut up.” Luckily i had had lots of practise with screaming at Chaos.

Everyone’s heads turned towards me. The attention was flattering, but unnecessary.

“He has a point guys,” said Katie, the ever so peaceful one, “anyway, hadn’t we decided two of the seven would go? They can chose between themselves when they get back.”

“And when will I be able to meet the ever so famous 7?” I asked, trying not to give too much away with how much I was dying to see them.

“Well, technically there are only 6 of them. We lost one just a year ago.” Will said, pain evident in his voice and his shoulders sagging.

My stomach fell and for a moment i couldn’t breathe. The world around me faded into the background and all I could hear was the beating of my heart. Hadn’t it worked? Chaos said he had done it. He said he had saved her. I felt the world swim and could feel a panic attack surfacing. But I pushed it down. Not here. Not now. And so I closed my eyes and focused on one thing. Her face. Slowly my breathing leveled and my heart beat turned back to normal. It was then I realised that I had missed the end of the meeting and people were starting to leave.

I quickly grabbed Nyssa’s arm before she could leave. “I’m so sorry, but i spaced out for a minute and didn’t hear the answer to my question. What was it?”

“Oh, you’ll see them tonight at the bonfire.” She replied curiosity showing clearly.

“Thanks.” I said. Then I stood up and walked out the room.