#bowserxdepressedreader

[janeths]

Worst month

This is more of a self ship… oneshot..? Uhhh. I’ve been having a crappy months, so this more of a vent post.

Even though it’s still a self insert, ima still use Y/N. Just that Y/N uses she/her pronouns, is chubby so… yerrrah Also it will say that Y/N is close to Mario and Luigi, but doesn’t specify if they are family or friends. So ye

Warning: Low self esteem, mentions of suicide, depression, scars, self hatred, IF YOU GET UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THOSE, PLS DONT READ IT.

Bowser may also be OOC 🫠🙃🥲

Also cringe 😬 so uhhhh yeahhh 👾

Summary: It’s just one of the most shitty weeks, Y/N has hasn’t been herself lately, she feels god awful but doesn’t want to worry Bowser. Even more he doesn’t completely understand human emotions. She tries hard to get rid of them but nothing succeeds.

Kinda proof read 🤷‍♀️

It’s awful, so awful, I keep trying to put on this stupid fake smile, just for them not to worry about me. I wasn’t even paying attention to what one of the Koopa soldier had asked me. Bowser nudged my arm . “Y/N? You okay? He asked you something and you didn’t answer.” “Oh sorry about that what was the question again?” “My lady, I asked you if you wished for us to build a garden just for you. Outside of the kingdom of course.” I was confused for a moment. “Bowser, why did you say anything?” I look at him. “Well, I wanted you to be the one in charge. I know you’ll choose a good spot.” He smiles, as the Koopa says, “Where do you think we should put it my lady?” “I uh..” Out of all the times… why now? He’s asking me a question… Y/N just answer it… but think about it… Did the Koopas thought of it or did Bowser? “Well… I say close to here, maybe down in the south… To where the grass ends. Yeah somewhere around there.”

Gosh I felt like shit right now, I can’t do anything but just smile, maybe if I excused myself… “Bowser honey, I’m a bit tired… I’m going take my leave. If you both excuse me…” I give them both a nod and leave. I think Bowser is going to stay up for a while… the least I could do is shower, right? Maybe it’ll clear my head.

I did in fact not took a shower, and laid there. I couldn’t even get my own clothing off. I just laid there, trying so hard to fall asleep. Maybe I should stay in bed tomorrow…

The next morning I woke up feeling a warm hand on my torso. I think I’m going to leave for a bit, maybe that’ll clear my mind…

I slowly crept away from the bed, gave Bowser a small kiss, slowly walked towards the balcony, and jumped off on a tree. “Ow! I shouldn’t have done that…” I felt scrapes around my legs and back, bleeding. “Well… I guess I don’t have to harm myself anymore.” I awkwardly laugh and puff up my dress, and headed towards outside the grassless lands.

As I finally saw the other side, the river and pond, birds chirping, I see a tree close to the pond. “I’ll sit there…” I walked towards the tree, sat down, and started to cry. “What is wrong with me? I can’t believe I just left the kingdom just like that… I feel so pathetic. I didn’t even tell Bowser… It’s fine to want alone time but… this isn’t right…”

Instead of just a day, it became 3 days, then 5, then a week. It was awful, I just couldn’t stand it anymore, I just really wanted to kill my self but… then I wouldn’t see Bowser again… Every morning, I would wake up extremely early just to run away. It’s not that I hated here, I dearly love him, I love our kingdom… but… why even choose me?

I tried hiding away from him, I didn’t want him to worry, I told him I’m feeling under the weather and wanted to be alone. Though he didn’t like it the idea of me wandering off by myself, but I did reassure him that I’ll be close, in case something went wrong.

Another week came again, and I couldn’t even get up the bed. Bowsers been quite busy these past days so I guess it gives me more alone time. “You haven’t been yourself lately, are you alright dear?” My body perked up, scaring me. “Uh- yeah… I’ve just been feeling under the weather that’s all. I’m gonna get more sleep. You.. go on with your day…” “Y/N, it’s nighttime…” He opens the curtains, showing me it’s night, he inhales and coughs. “Y/N…” He hesitates. “…When was the last time you took a shower?” He whispers trying not to trigger me. “I don’t know, weeks? ” I say, stare at him then rolled over to the other side, not wanting to see him. “It’s fine…” I just immediately wanted to cry, but I didn’t want to. I didn’t want him to know I’m suffering this badly, I didn’t want to show him that I’m weak, a worthless human. “No- don’t ‘it’s fine’ me. Y/N!” He completely takes my covers revealing the dirty, ripped dress, covered in dry blood I’ve been wearing weeks ago. “You’re dress! Y/N! Why haven’t you told me- I- How come I didn’t know-” “Cause I hid it.” I guess he never saw something like this before, cause he couldn’t speak, he just kept saying my name over and over. He sighs, went and closed the door, came back, sat down on the bed, pulling me close to him, and holding me tight into a hug. I just felt like doll, so numb, I couldn’t move anything, I just felt so weak. “Y/N why haven’t you told me? You know that I would never judge you… You know I would listen to you even if took you hours, days, weeks, months. Or I couldn’t understand human emotions. I know you have a struggle with communication, especially when it comes to your deep feelings.” I was a bit shocked about that statement. “How did you-” “Y/N I wasn’t born yesterday, I know how part of it feels.” He says as he stroked my hair. “I…” “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me now, whenever you feel like you are ready.” I feel my eyes tearing up. “I-I want to say it but it’s just so difficult for me. I’ve been holding it in for so long, I just don’t know what to do with it…” He kisses my forehead. “Let’s start something small then. Have you been having headaches?”

“Yes. Horrible headaches. I just couldn’t stop crying…Each time I would cry, my head would hurt more and more. ” I wipe my tears away.

“Hmm..” He touches my chest gently, and his other hand grabs mine. “What about your heart? Does it hurt? Does it go together with your headaches?”

I nod, frown, feeling in shame, that I have to be treated like a child just to say something. “It feels so heavy. I feel like I have ton of stairs. No matter how much I run, up and up, I still can’t find my place. I still still can’t find an exit. And I end up falling again. It’s just a cycle..” I think he found my spot to let everything out. “You know how you always asked me when we were gonna go to the other world and I always say ‘I really don’t want to right now, maybe next time.’ It’s because…” I bite my lip. “Take your time.” He rubs my back. “I.. don’t like much my family. Yes, I know their family by blood but… sometimes it just doesn’t feel that way. They always…” I start to cry quietly, he notices it and wipes it away. “They are so mean… They never tried to interfere with my life… They said some things… horrible things, that it will always be stuck to me. I was a really good child, but not good enough to be held by. I would always calm myself down when there was no one. I was always alone. By the time I grew up, they would say that I was just saying that, that they were there for me. I have no memory of them trying to comfort me, it was always being yelled or scolded at. They would say mean things, saying that I would never get a boyfriend due to my own mental health. That they’ll leave me the second they know. Even when they found out about our relationship, they said that you would leave me, you were just toying with my own feelings, just for you to get pleasure. They were trying to gaslight me…They even thought it was a good idea that they took my medications because it would make me feel better. And.. I’ve been suffering without them.”

I took a minute to breathe.

“I know you love me. Very much, you show it to me every single day. You never once yelled at me, or went abusive. You truly care about me…. Which I can see that in my eyes…” He pulls me tight to a hug, resting his chin on top of my head. “Even my own shitty friends. I thought I could trust them. I gave them so much love, I was always there for them when they needed it the most. If they had a problem I would always solved it. They had a thing to do and they only trusted me, I would do it. When they invited me, I wouldn’t even hesitate and would be on my way..But when… I felt down, I felt depressed, no one was there. No one. When I would invite them to hang out, they couldn’t cause they were either too busy or somewhere else. Yes I get it, everyone has something to do, but they wouldn’t even answer me till 3 months… saying ‘oh sorry, couldn’t make it.’ Why the fuck would you send it in 3 months just say oh sorry? At least they could have said “oh I’m really sorry, I forgot to message you. I was away for a while. But when do you want to?’ No nothing none of that.I suffered so much with my own terrible nightmares, I felt so alone. Sometimes I feel like they invite me cause they feel extremely bad about me.” I grip his arm, feeling more tears coming. “You’re doing good, Y/N. You’re doing great. Just breathe…” He caressed my back.

I stopped talking for a moment, trying to bring my breathing to normal.

“Mario and Luigi are the only people that didn’t shame me, didn’t judge me, they were always there for me. They knew how much I was alone, and would always invited me over. It felt genuine comfort. That is until my family didn’t like the idea of me hangout with them…” I sigh. “I just have so much pain and anger in me, sometimes I wish I could destroy myself. I hate my father and my mother, I hate everyone. Nobody cares about me, nobody ever wanted to stay with me. I hated everyone so much. I wanted to do things on my own, I didn’t want to depend on anybody, but it was such a pain…” I was crying so much that I started to hyperventilate.

“Y/N! Calm down.” He hugs me tight, trying to soothe all around my body. “ I’m here alright? I’m right here. Those people are in your world, they can’t hurt you here. You’re safe..Oh my Love, I hate seeing you like this… Please let it all out, don’t stop alright? I want you to let every emotion out of you.” I felt like such a baby letting all my cries out, hearing my own hiccups, trying to talk to him. “B-Bow!-” “Shhh Y/N, let it all out. Yell, scream, hit the pillow, anything. I want you to get rid off it.”

Couple minutes passed, I just felt so weak from crying so much. My body felt so numb, my head, chest, and stomach hurts. “I’m so scared. Every time I see a shooting star, I always wish that when I wake up, I wake up here next to you. I’m scared that when I wake up, I won’t find you here next to me, that it was all a dream, you weren’t real…god I feel so weak… I’m so sorry…” He kisses my cheek and hugs me tight. “Why are you sorry? Y/N, I’m proud of you. I’m proud that you took the time to tell me. I’m so proud of you for living, that you are here with me. I’m so proud that you made it this far. You are a strong woman, you know. I’m proud that you are living here.” He starts to tear up. Those words mean so much to me. So much. “I’ll do anything to make you happy, I’ll help you. We’ll do this together, alright? If you need the help from your world, I’ll go with you, money is no problem. I’m not leaving your side, not now nor ever. I love so much… My love.. my dear…My Y/N…” He caress my face, and kisses me passionately. “You did such an amazing job, love. Tomorrow we’ll start our plans. I’ll ask Mario and Luigi to help us, I’m sure they’ll be just as happy as me that you’re gonna get the help. And we’ll be there to support you. For now, you need a bath, and I don’t want you getting sick.”

I sigh, nodded at him, and stood up. “You go take a shower while I put the onsen.” He says.

Once I finished taking a shower, I went ahead and walked towards him, standing behind him. He was playing around with the water, making circles. You’ve done this before… “Hon, come here.” He turns around smiling, extending his hand towards me. I gently hold onto his hand, while grabbing my own towel, feeling self-conscious. “What is it?” He looks down at my legs, then looks up at me. “You know I don’t and won’t ever judge you. I love your body, no one’s here but me. It’s alright. If someone were here I would rip their head out.” That made me chuckle, and felt reassured, knowing he would do that. “Right…” “Or, I could look away, you get in, then I look back at you.” I nodded, he looked the other way, took off my towel, and sat next to him, feeling the water warm. “Can I look now?” “Hmm… no.” I lightly chuckle, and turns around looking around my body, seeing scratches all over me. “Y/N?! Where did you get all those scars all around you?! There all over-” “Ah!” He pulls my arms and one leg up. “Bowser!” “What happened?!” “I fell! That’s all!” He places my body down, gently. “Y/N, that’s so many marks, but…” He says in a worried tone, then looks at my stomach. “I uh… I fell from a tree…” I awkwardly laugh. He sighs, and pulls me into a big hug, making me splash the water. “From the balcony?! Y/N you could have a broken bone! You know you’re delicate.” “I-how did-?!” “I saw strips part of your dress. Y/N…” “I uh well.. I’m here now. Let’s just focus-” “Y/N…” I look at him, he looks at me with a worried face, caressing my stomach, tracing around one stretch mark, then onto tiny bits of scars. “You know I love your stomach. It breaks my heart… that you’re hurting your body…” I look down at my hands, then at my thighs. “I just don’t like it… nor my thighs. I feel so ugly. I just wished I looked like the other pretty girls. They don’t have to suffer with a body so pretty. They can wear pretty clothing, pretty hairstyles. I’m nothing like them. I want to be like them.”

“My dear, you’re marvelous and stunning. Oh if you could see through my eyes, you would find yourself ravishing. Your stomach is perfect, I love grabbing and squishing it, kissing you there. I love laying there, if makes me feel at ease. And every time you stroke my face and hair, I just… it’s brings me so much joy that I found someone. Same thing with your thighs. I just want to squish them, cause they’re thick, and more thick means I can put my head on top of them.” He again hugs me very tight, his hand, reaching out and grabbing my thigh gently. “Whenever you wear the clothing I made especially for you, I’m always in lovestruck. You looks so pretty, makes me happy that you love wearing them.” I sigh and smile, at the wonderful moment.

Couple of minutes have passed and I felt myself getting tired. Then he spoke,

“What do you think about us going to your world? To do what people do. Me and you on a date. Taking me to your favorite places.” My world?! “I would love that, but what about- you know..?” I gesture his huge body. “I can ask Kamek to turn me into a human.” He chuckles. “Well, that could work. But wouldn’t the transformation hurt?” “Nothing hurts for me darling. To me, it’ll feel like a pinch.”

An hour later passed and I was just there, sitting on his lap, resting my head onto his chest, feeling the warm steamy water around me. “ I think we should get out. I’m feeling really tired.” “Same here.” We both get out of the onsen, dried ourself up, and I felt myself walking fast towards the bed, and jumping onto it, bringing the covers. “You aren’t going to get dressed?” He asked. “No, I’m too tired, I don’t feel like it.” He smirks and chuckles, then jumps onto the bed making me jump. “Ah! Hey!” He snuggles close to me, feeling his chest onto mine. “What do you think I’ll look like as a human?” He grins. “Hmm… quite difficult… You being human… you’ll have your red hairs, thick eyebrows.I think you’ll have a red beard and mustache.” “A beard? What makes you say that?”

“Well… I do have an image that you look like a motorcyclist. It’s quite hot.” I kiss his snot, and he sighs happily. “I love you Y/N... Don’t ever change yourself. Don’t let others throw you around, or I’ll fight them.” I chuckle lightly feeling more tired. “I feel safe around you… I feel peace… I feel loved…”

“I’m glad.” He smiles and kisses me.

why date real men when you can date fictional characters (๑･̑◡･̑๑)

Uhhh yeah that’s really it lmao,