#depressedreader

[janeths]

Worst month

This is more of a self ship… oneshot..? Uhhh. I’ve been having a crappy months, so this more of a vent post.

Even though it’s still a self insert, ima still use Y/N. Just that Y/N uses she/her pronouns, is chubby so… yerrrah Also it will say that Y/N is close to Mario and Luigi, but doesn’t specify if they are family or friends. So ye

Warning: Low self esteem, mentions of suicide, depression, scars, self hatred, IF YOU GET UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THOSE, PLS DONT READ IT.

Bowser may also be OOC 🫠🙃🥲

Also cringe 😬 so uhhhh yeahhh 👾

Summary: It’s just one of the most shitty weeks, Y/N has hasn’t been herself lately, she feels god awful but doesn’t want to worry Bowser. Even more he doesn’t completely understand human emotions. She tries hard to get rid of them but nothing succeeds.

Kinda proof read 🤷‍♀️

It’s awful, so awful, I keep trying to put on this stupid fake smile, just for them not to worry about me. I wasn’t even paying attention to what one of the Koopa soldier had asked me. Bowser nudged my arm . “Y/N? You okay? He asked you something and you didn’t answer.” “Oh sorry about that what was the question again?” “My lady, I asked you if you wished for us to build a garden just for you. Outside of the kingdom of course.” I was confused for a moment. “Bowser, why did you say anything?” I look at him. “Well, I wanted you to be the one in charge. I know you’ll choose a good spot.” He smiles, as the Koopa says, “Where do you think we should put it my lady?” “I uh..” Out of all the times… why now? He’s asking me a question… Y/N just answer it… but think about it… Did the Koopas thought of it or did Bowser? “Well… I say close to here, maybe down in the south… To where the grass ends. Yeah somewhere around there.”

Gosh I felt like shit right now, I can’t do anything but just smile, maybe if I excused myself… “Bowser honey, I’m a bit tired… I’m going take my leave. If you both excuse me…” I give them both a nod and leave. I think Bowser is going to stay up for a while… the least I could do is shower, right? Maybe it’ll clear my head.

I did in fact not took a shower, and laid there. I couldn’t even get my own clothing off. I just laid there, trying so hard to fall asleep. Maybe I should stay in bed tomorrow…

The next morning I woke up feeling a warm hand on my torso. I think I’m going to leave for a bit, maybe that’ll clear my mind…

I slowly crept away from the bed, gave Bowser a small kiss, slowly walked towards the balcony, and jumped off on a tree. “Ow! I shouldn’t have done that…” I felt scrapes around my legs and back, bleeding. “Well… I guess I don’t have to harm myself anymore.” I awkwardly laugh and puff up my dress, and headed towards outside the grassless lands.

As I finally saw the other side, the river and pond, birds chirping, I see a tree close to the pond. “I’ll sit there…” I walked towards the tree, sat down, and started to cry. “What is wrong with me? I can’t believe I just left the kingdom just like that… I feel so pathetic. I didn’t even tell Bowser… It’s fine to want alone time but… this isn’t right…”

Instead of just a day, it became 3 days, then 5, then a week. It was awful, I just couldn’t stand it anymore, I just really wanted to kill my self but… then I wouldn’t see Bowser again… Every morning, I would wake up extremely early just to run away. It’s not that I hated here, I dearly love him, I love our kingdom… but… why even choose me?

I tried hiding away from him, I didn’t want him to worry, I told him I’m feeling under the weather and wanted to be alone. Though he didn’t like it the idea of me wandering off by myself, but I did reassure him that I’ll be close, in case something went wrong.

Another week came again, and I couldn’t even get up the bed. Bowsers been quite busy these past days so I guess it gives me more alone time. “You haven’t been yourself lately, are you alright dear?” My body perked up, scaring me. “Uh- yeah… I’ve just been feeling under the weather that’s all. I’m gonna get more sleep. You.. go on with your day…” “Y/N, it’s nighttime…” He opens the curtains, showing me it’s night, he inhales and coughs. “Y/N…” He hesitates. “…When was the last time you took a shower?” He whispers trying not to trigger me. “I don’t know, weeks? ” I say, stare at him then rolled over to the other side, not wanting to see him. “It’s fine…” I just immediately wanted to cry, but I didn’t want to. I didn’t want him to know I’m suffering this badly, I didn’t want to show him that I’m weak, a worthless human. “No- don’t ‘it’s fine’ me. Y/N!” He completely takes my covers revealing the dirty, ripped dress, covered in dry blood I’ve been wearing weeks ago. “You’re dress! Y/N! Why haven’t you told me- I- How come I didn’t know-” “Cause I hid it.” I guess he never saw something like this before, cause he couldn’t speak, he just kept saying my name over and over. He sighs, went and closed the door, came back, sat down on the bed, pulling me close to him, and holding me tight into a hug. I just felt like doll, so numb, I couldn’t move anything, I just felt so weak. “Y/N why haven’t you told me? You know that I would never judge you… You know I would listen to you even if took you hours, days, weeks, months. Or I couldn’t understand human emotions. I know you have a struggle with communication, especially when it comes to your deep feelings.” I was a bit shocked about that statement. “How did you-” “Y/N I wasn’t born yesterday, I know how part of it feels.” He says as he stroked my hair. “I…” “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me now, whenever you feel like you are ready.” I feel my eyes tearing up. “I-I want to say it but it’s just so difficult for me. I’ve been holding it in for so long, I just don’t know what to do with it…” He kisses my forehead. “Let’s start something small then. Have you been having headaches?”

“Yes. Horrible headaches. I just couldn’t stop crying…Each time I would cry, my head would hurt more and more. ” I wipe my tears away.

“Hmm..” He touches my chest gently, and his other hand grabs mine. “What about your heart? Does it hurt? Does it go together with your headaches?”

I nod, frown, feeling in shame, that I have to be treated like a child just to say something. “It feels so heavy. I feel like I have ton of stairs. No matter how much I run, up and up, I still can’t find my place. I still still can’t find an exit. And I end up falling again. It’s just a cycle..” I think he found my spot to let everything out. “You know how you always asked me when we were gonna go to the other world and I always say ‘I really don’t want to right now, maybe next time.’ It’s because…” I bite my lip. “Take your time.” He rubs my back. “I.. don’t like much my family. Yes, I know their family by blood but… sometimes it just doesn’t feel that way. They always…” I start to cry quietly, he notices it and wipes it away. “They are so mean… They never tried to interfere with my life… They said some things… horrible things, that it will always be stuck to me. I was a really good child, but not good enough to be held by. I would always calm myself down when there was no one. I was always alone. By the time I grew up, they would say that I was just saying that, that they were there for me. I have no memory of them trying to comfort me, it was always being yelled or scolded at. They would say mean things, saying that I would never get a boyfriend due to my own mental health. That they’ll leave me the second they know. Even when they found out about our relationship, they said that you would leave me, you were just toying with my own feelings, just for you to get pleasure. They were trying to gaslight me…They even thought it was a good idea that they took my medications because it would make me feel better. And.. I’ve been suffering without them.”

I took a minute to breathe.

“I know you love me. Very much, you show it to me every single day. You never once yelled at me, or went abusive. You truly care about me…. Which I can see that in my eyes…” He pulls me tight to a hug, resting his chin on top of my head. “Even my own shitty friends. I thought I could trust them. I gave them so much love, I was always there for them when they needed it the most. If they had a problem I would always solved it. They had a thing to do and they only trusted me, I would do it. When they invited me, I wouldn’t even hesitate and would be on my way..But when… I felt down, I felt depressed, no one was there. No one. When I would invite them to hang out, they couldn’t cause they were either too busy or somewhere else. Yes I get it, everyone has something to do, but they wouldn’t even answer me till 3 months… saying ‘oh sorry, couldn’t make it.’ Why the fuck would you send it in 3 months just say oh sorry? At least they could have said “oh I’m really sorry, I forgot to message you. I was away for a while. But when do you want to?’ No nothing none of that.I suffered so much with my own terrible nightmares, I felt so alone. Sometimes I feel like they invite me cause they feel extremely bad about me.” I grip his arm, feeling more tears coming. “You’re doing good, Y/N. You’re doing great. Just breathe…” He caressed my back.

I stopped talking for a moment, trying to bring my breathing to normal.

“Mario and Luigi are the only people that didn’t shame me, didn’t judge me, they were always there for me. They knew how much I was alone, and would always invited me over. It felt genuine comfort. That is until my family didn’t like the idea of me hangout with them…” I sigh. “I just have so much pain and anger in me, sometimes I wish I could destroy myself. I hate my father and my mother, I hate everyone. Nobody cares about me, nobody ever wanted to stay with me. I hated everyone so much. I wanted to do things on my own, I didn’t want to depend on anybody, but it was such a pain…” I was crying so much that I started to hyperventilate.

“Y/N! Calm down.” He hugs me tight, trying to soothe all around my body. “ I’m here alright? I’m right here. Those people are in your world, they can’t hurt you here. You’re safe..Oh my Love, I hate seeing you like this… Please let it all out, don’t stop alright? I want you to let every emotion out of you.” I felt like such a baby letting all my cries out, hearing my own hiccups, trying to talk to him. “B-Bow!-” “Shhh Y/N, let it all out. Yell, scream, hit the pillow, anything. I want you to get rid off it.”

Couple minutes passed, I just felt so weak from crying so much. My body felt so numb, my head, chest, and stomach hurts. “I’m so scared. Every time I see a shooting star, I always wish that when I wake up, I wake up here next to you. I’m scared that when I wake up, I won’t find you here next to me, that it was all a dream, you weren’t real…god I feel so weak… I’m so sorry…” He kisses my cheek and hugs me tight. “Why are you sorry? Y/N, I’m proud of you. I’m proud that you took the time to tell me. I’m so proud of you for living, that you are here with me. I’m so proud that you made it this far. You are a strong woman, you know. I’m proud that you are living here.” He starts to tear up. Those words mean so much to me. So much. “I’ll do anything to make you happy, I’ll help you. We’ll do this together, alright? If you need the help from your world, I’ll go with you, money is no problem. I’m not leaving your side, not now nor ever. I love so much… My love.. my dear…My Y/N…” He caress my face, and kisses me passionately. “You did such an amazing job, love. Tomorrow we’ll start our plans. I’ll ask Mario and Luigi to help us, I’m sure they’ll be just as happy as me that you’re gonna get the help. And we’ll be there to support you. For now, you need a bath, and I don’t want you getting sick.”

I sigh, nodded at him, and stood up. “You go take a shower while I put the onsen.” He says.

Once I finished taking a shower, I went ahead and walked towards him, standing behind him. He was playing around with the water, making circles. You’ve done this before… “Hon, come here.” He turns around smiling, extending his hand towards me. I gently hold onto his hand, while grabbing my own towel, feeling self-conscious. “What is it?” He looks down at my legs, then looks up at me. “You know I don’t and won’t ever judge you. I love your body, no one’s here but me. It’s alright. If someone were here I would rip their head out.” That made me chuckle, and felt reassured, knowing he would do that. “Right…” “Or, I could look away, you get in, then I look back at you.” I nodded, he looked the other way, took off my towel, and sat next to him, feeling the water warm. “Can I look now?” “Hmm… no.” I lightly chuckle, and turns around looking around my body, seeing scratches all over me. “Y/N?! Where did you get all those scars all around you?! There all over-” “Ah!” He pulls my arms and one leg up. “Bowser!” “What happened?!” “I fell! That’s all!” He places my body down, gently. “Y/N, that’s so many marks, but…” He says in a worried tone, then looks at my stomach. “I uh… I fell from a tree…” I awkwardly laugh. He sighs, and pulls me into a big hug, making me splash the water. “From the balcony?! Y/N you could have a broken bone! You know you’re delicate.” “I-how did-?!” “I saw strips part of your dress. Y/N…” “I uh well.. I’m here now. Let’s just focus-” “Y/N…” I look at him, he looks at me with a worried face, caressing my stomach, tracing around one stretch mark, then onto tiny bits of scars. “You know I love your stomach. It breaks my heart… that you’re hurting your body…” I look down at my hands, then at my thighs. “I just don’t like it… nor my thighs. I feel so ugly. I just wished I looked like the other pretty girls. They don’t have to suffer with a body so pretty. They can wear pretty clothing, pretty hairstyles. I’m nothing like them. I want to be like them.”

“My dear, you’re marvelous and stunning. Oh if you could see through my eyes, you would find yourself ravishing. Your stomach is perfect, I love grabbing and squishing it, kissing you there. I love laying there, if makes me feel at ease. And every time you stroke my face and hair, I just… it’s brings me so much joy that I found someone. Same thing with your thighs. I just want to squish them, cause they’re thick, and more thick means I can put my head on top of them.” He again hugs me very tight, his hand, reaching out and grabbing my thigh gently. “Whenever you wear the clothing I made especially for you, I’m always in lovestruck. You looks so pretty, makes me happy that you love wearing them.” I sigh and smile, at the wonderful moment.

Couple of minutes have passed and I felt myself getting tired. Then he spoke,

“What do you think about us going to your world? To do what people do. Me and you on a date. Taking me to your favorite places.” My world?! “I would love that, but what about- you know..?” I gesture his huge body. “I can ask Kamek to turn me into a human.” He chuckles. “Well, that could work. But wouldn’t the transformation hurt?” “Nothing hurts for me darling. To me, it’ll feel like a pinch.”

An hour later passed and I was just there, sitting on his lap, resting my head onto his chest, feeling the warm steamy water around me. “ I think we should get out. I’m feeling really tired.” “Same here.” We both get out of the onsen, dried ourself up, and I felt myself walking fast towards the bed, and jumping onto it, bringing the covers. “You aren’t going to get dressed?” He asked. “No, I’m too tired, I don’t feel like it.” He smirks and chuckles, then jumps onto the bed making me jump. “Ah! Hey!” He snuggles close to me, feeling his chest onto mine. “What do you think I’ll look like as a human?” He grins. “Hmm… quite difficult… You being human… you’ll have your red hairs, thick eyebrows.I think you’ll have a red beard and mustache.” “A beard? What makes you say that?”

“Well… I do have an image that you look like a motorcyclist. It’s quite hot.” I kiss his snot, and he sighs happily. “I love you Y/N... Don’t ever change yourself. Don’t let others throw you around, or I’ll fight them.” I chuckle lightly feeling more tired. “I feel safe around you… I feel peace… I feel loved…”

“I’m glad.” He smiles and kisses me.

why date real men when you can date fictional characters (๑･̑◡･̑๑)

Uhhh yeah that’s really it lmao,

[v3nusstardust]

🤍”Somethin’ stupid”🤍

Pairing : BF!Niki Nishimura x DEPRESSEDreader! (Real) 🎀

Genre : fluff <3 sad af tho idfk what the genre is

WARNINGS : mentions of self harm, depression, anxiety

A/N : SRRY I usually post like once a week and I forgot to this week I think… Idrk I literally have a fucking concussion rn💀 happened bcs lowkey thought I was in a music video and did cartwheels in my room at 3 am and smacked the shit out of my head and then hit my head on the floor and woke up seeing Gojo Satoru shakin ass 💀😜 anyway enjoy yawl😳

•

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In the car with your boyfriend Niki, heading to the movie theater, the atmosphere was perfect –soft music, and a feeling that made life worthwhile. It had been a month since you’d seen him. These small moments you had with Niki made your life worth living. Most of the time he was busy or away for his idol duties and you’d miss him so badly. You would wonder if him being away for so long would end up with you both breaking up or you both falling out of love. The thought always made you feel nauseous and overwhelmed. Your overthinking would get the best of you sometimes, and you would result to self harm. Niki had no idea though and you never planned on telling him.

"Y/n, you might want to ditch the hoodie; it's getting pretty warm in here. You're sweating," your boyfriend chuckled, casting a glance your way. "No kidding, it's hot as hell." You sighed wiping your forehead with your sleeve. As you started to pull down the zipper your hoodie, the memories of your scars made you hesitate. “Actually I’m fine. I can handle it.” You reassured Niki. “Huh? Don’t risk a heat stroke, take it off,” he insisted, concern etching his face. “No I’m literally gonna be fine trust me.” You countered, zipping your hoodie back up quickly. “Y/n. It’s the middle of summer and you’re wearing a hoodie darling. You might wanna take it off.” Niki suggested, a puzzled look was painted on his face. “I’m gonna be alright trust me.” You gave Niki a sweet smile, trying to look unsuspicious. “Whatever you say Y/n.” Your boyfriend sighed.

You and Niki finally arrived at the movie theater. You checked in, got tickets, got snacks and headed to your movie. The air-conditioned theater promised relief from the summer heat, but your hoodie remained a steadfast companion.

Inside the cool, dimly lit theater, you found your seats, the contrast between the chilly air and your hoodie creating a cozy bubble. The movie previews flickered on the screen, and the scent of buttered popcorn filled the air.

Niki leaned over and whispered, "Are you sure you won't overheat in there?..”

“It’s cool in here Niki! I’m fine.” You softly giggled. The movie began, and you got so into it that the hoodie wasn't on your mind anymore. The plot grabbed your attention, and the cozy warmth just blended into the background.

Midway through the movie, Niki gently reached for your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. Your initial reaction was surprise; you were aware of Niki's habit for tracing his fingers along your palms and wrists. Softly pushing his hand away, you met his gaze. He looked absolutely ethereal in the dim theater lighting.

"Do you not want to hold hands?" Niki whispered, pouting with a hint of sadness.

"I do, just... not right now," you replied. Niki's worried expression prompted him to ask, "Is there something wrong?"

You hesitated before responding, "No, no, I just... don't worry about it."

Your words, though intended to reassure, unintentionally stabbed at Niki's heart. His love for you was profound, and while he knew he could be clingy, he never imagined it could "annoy you." The worry in his eyes lingered as the movie played on.

You both went back to the apartment after the movie. The car ride was quiet because you pretended to be asleep, avoiding a talk about why you didn't hold hands. Niki spent the entire ride overthinking what he might have done wrong.

“Niki. I’m gonna go take a shower.” You said, walking off to your room to get your clothes. “Oh okay. I’ll make you some tea for when you get out.” He replied.

When you stepped in the shower, the warm water stung your fresh cuts. You held your wrists and winced in pain, small tears ran down your cheeks. Staring at your wrists, you wondered how you could be so stupid. You regret doing it , because now Niki might see them. The thought made you softly cry. Thank God the shower water was loud enough to cover up your soft muttering and sighs.

After your shower, you returned to the kitchen. Niki was busy cooking dinner and brewing tea for both of you, a delightful surprise that warmed your heart. Soft music played from his speaker next to the stove.

Curious, you asked, "What are you making?" Sitting at the table, he chuckled and replied, "Pasta, I’m trying out new things." The song changed to your favorite, "Somethin’ Stupid” by Frank Sinatra. Excitedly, you exclaimed, "Niki, you added my favorite song to your playlist!"

With a smile, he admitted, "I really like this song. Isn't it your favorite?" You giggled, "Duh! I play it all the time in your car." Niki turned off the stove and approached you. "Is the food ready?" you inquired. "Not yet, but how about we dance?" he suggested, extending his hand with a gentle smile, eyes filled with admiration.

In the soft glow of the dim kitchen light, you and Niki began to slow dance. The soothing melody of the song filled the air as he held you close. The ambiance was warm, and the subtle scent of dinner in the making lingered.

Niki led with gentle grace, swaying to the music with you in a tranquil dance. The rhythmic steps mirrored the easy connection between you two, the worries of the day fading away in the embrace of the moment. His hand rested on the small of your back, fingers delicately entwined with yours. As you swayed together, his other hand found its place on your waist, the closeness allowing you to feel the comforting warmth of his touch. The subtle aroma of the cooking dinner heightened the sensory experience.

Niki's gaze, brimming with stars and admiration, locked onto yours as he gently took your hand in his. However, reality snapped you back, and a sudden fear of him discovering your self infliction made you pull away. You pulled your hand away from his gently. Niki stopped dancing with you, his eyes locked onto yours with concern. "I'm sorry for asking, but why don't you want me to hold your hand?" he inquired.

A tremor ran through you, fear intensifying. Taking a deep breath, you hesitated before admitting, "I... I just," struggling to find the right words. The fear of Niki discovering your scars weighed heavy on your mind.

After a moment, you decided to face it. "Actually, you know what? Hold hands with me," you said, mustering a smile and intertwining your fingers with his. It was a fleeting decision, hoping that the dance would end before he’d notice. He brought a gentle kiss to your forehead. “Your hair smells good.” He nestled his nose into your hair. The song made the moment vulnerable. You found yourself forgetting about all your worries once again. He brought his lips to your wrist, you didn’t even catch it either. You were too busy humming the melody of the song into his chest. Niki pressed his lips to your wrist. He quickly pulled back and examined if, squinting his eyes. You suddenly realized what he was doing. You pulled away from his arms and held your wrist. His face looked indescribable. Worried, sad, confused all at the same time. The song had stopped already, and the room fell silent. "Y/n," Niki uttered softly, his voice carrying a mixture of concern and care. Before he could say more, your lips began to quiver, and tears welled up in your lashes. A gentle cascade of tears spilled from your eyes.

Niki, swift in his response, hurried over and enveloped you in a warm embrace. His chin rested on your head, and his hand traced soothing circles on your back. Anxiety gripped you like a constricting fog, the weight on your chest almost suffocating. Tears stained Niki's once-white shirt, but he paid it no mind.

"It's okay. I'm not upset," he reassured, planting a tender kiss on the top of your head. "My poor, beautiful girl. When did you do that?" he asked, lifting your chin to meet his gaze. Your hyperventilating made it challenging to speak, rendering you silent in the vulnerability of the moment.

Your hyperventilation began to subside, allowing you to regain some composure. "I..was just.. overthinking," you finally managed to admit, your voice still shaky.

Niki's expression softened, a mixture of empathy and a determination to be there for you. “Was it because of me?” he whispered, his thumb brushing away a tear that lingered on your cheek.

You hesitated, the weight of your emotions pressing against your chest. "Yes?... no," you stumbled over your words, struggling to articulate the whirlwind within. "I just miss you so much when you're gone for so long. I feel so lonely again. You're... you're my only light, and the only one in my life who actually makes me happy. I can't stand it when you're away."

Niki's gaze held a depth of understanding as he gently cradled your face. "Y/n, I didn't realize. I'm here for you, always. I’ll bring you with me next time, and the next one after that. I promise my love,” he reassured. His words soothed the ache within your heart. “I’ll be back,” Niki gently pulled his body away from yours. “I’m gonna go get bandages from the bathroom. Sit down,” he kissed your cheek before leaving the room.

When Niki returned, you couldn't help but chuckle at the state of his shirt, soaked with tear and snot stains – undeniably gross. Standing in front of you, he gently took hold of both your injured wrists, his eyes carrying a mix of hurt and pain. Soft elastic bandages in hand, he began to wrap your wrists with a delicate touch.

As he worked, you noticed a subtle glisten in his eyes. His fingers traced along the palms of your wrists, a silent acknowledgment of shared pain. You looked up at him with teary eyes and saw the vulnerability in his gaze.

"Promise me you'll never do this again," he pleaded, his voice cracking with emotion. Small tears escaped his eyes, tracing down his cheeks. Overwhelmed, you apologized, "I... I'm sorry. I promise. I'm so sorry."You rose from your chair, embracing Niki tightly, the shared pain and promise binding you together in that moment. “I love you so much darling you have no idea. To know that you’ve been hurting yourself like this.. it kills me.” He whispered softly. “I love you too, Niki.” You placed a soft kiss to his chin.

"Do you wanna finish making dinner, and then we can cuddle after?" you proposed.

As Niki's sniffles gradually subsided, a tender smile graced his face, the corners of his eyes still dampened. Niki's smile widened as he looked down at you. "Of course," he agreed, his head tilting slightly. In that gentle tilt, he closed the distance, leaning in for a long, reassuring kiss.

Together, you continued with the meal, the kitchen filled with the comforting aroma of food and music. You showed Niki more songs you liked and he added them to y’all’s new slow dancing playlist.

As you placed the finishing touches on the meal, Niki slid his arms around you, pulling you into a warm embrace. "Smells amazing in here, thank you for helping me darling.”

The conversation during dinner went smoothly. You both talked about stories of the past and dreams for the future. Niki's eyes, still holding a glimmer of tenderness, locked onto yours, reinforcing the unspoken understanding that this moment, amidst shared laughter and a table filled with love, was truly special.

Cuddling on the couch, the outside world faded away, leaving room for the intimacy of shared comfort. “You’re so pretty y/n” Niki admired your facial features. The smell of his fresh Basil and mandarin cologne brought you comfort. You threw your leg over his and snuggled closer onto him. He could feel your soft breaths on his neck. Niki peppered kisses on your temples. He was humming a gentle tune to one of your favorite songs. The moment made you realize how lucky you were to be with someone like him.

A/n : erm I literally fell asleep writing this w my hard ass fit on and makeup bruh my skin is breaking out hella someone come kill me. Srry for the amount of mistakes btw I did not read over it 🤓🤓 I raw dogged this it might be shitty Also I hope y’all liek:3 i put my whole venussy into this. Xoxo💋💋

[dabis-azure-songstress]

Dabi x SelfHarm!/Depressed Reader

Alright, Love Bugs...here’s the one I have been working extremely hard on. I’m a recovering self harmer and I just wanted to give other people like me and how I used to be some extra love. I hope this helps just one person and I will feel like posting this was worth it. Dabi is himself one this, but he’s actually trying to comfort the reader. When I was cutting, sometimes all I wanted was just someone to talk to and a friend. I’ve had people get mad at me for going to them and literally voicing how ashamed they were. This creation stems from that and I hope it helps. If you really need help, please reach out for it. @kericacathouse I hope you don’t mind me tagging you, I know you wanted to read it. And please let me know as a fellow person that has had trouble.

Pairing: Dabi x SelfHarm!/Depressed Reader

TRIGGERS: Self harm in the form of cutting is described explicitly and the feelings I have felt related to it are described. This may seriously trigger you and I don’t want anyone to have a relapse, please. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! I’m trying to help, not make it worse!

WARNING: Self-Harm, Depression, somewhat soft Dabi

The cold metal of a razor blade shakes in your hand as you stare at it. An extreme concoction of buried feelings, long stifled, is bubbling up and you can’t bear to swallow them down anymore. Embarrassment, shame, anger, hatred, disgust, sadness, loneliness, wanting to be alone/wanting someone to just be with you, wanting to end it, and just wanting to live your best. Your inner voice ranges from bitter “failure”s, “stupid”s, “no one cares”, “they’ll be happy you’re gone, you’re nothing” to “just one more cut...then I’ll stop” and “it’ll feel so good”. You can feel the bile rising into your throat slightly. Your hand slowly moves and the cold metal is biting into the delicate skin of your thigh or wrist with precise force behind it. You suddenly jerk it quickly and finish the new addition (and rapidly a few more, it never seems to stop with just one), breath shakily leaving your lips and head slightly falling back. Shame, relief, pleasure, and the familiar stinging floods up along with the crimson liquid rising to the newborn slices. Questions also begin to infiltrate through the haziness of your mind. Why did I do that? Why do I hurt myself? Why does it feel so damn good every single time I possibly might just kill myself? It’s such a thrill and utterly relieving simultaneously. People could have their alcohol, crack, heroine. This was your drug of choice. Your sweet, yet utterly terrifying addiction.

You’re still slightly rolling on endorphins when the door to the bathroom pushes open and familiar beautiful and glowing turquoise eyes fall on you. Your partner had needed to relieve himself and was about to tell you to “piss off” before he put two and two together. “What are you doing?” Heat floods up your spine and then freezes ice cold. You hadn’t thought of being caught, only thought of your medicine for dealing with the world. You thought he was mad at first, but the expression on his face was relaxed and he was just normal/usual Dabi, though his eyes seemed to hold a softer gleam.

He moves and plops down against the wall beside you, head tilted back against it with one knee pulled up and his arm resting on it while the other leg stretches out in front of him. Dabi grabs the razor from the floor and glances at you and the metal languidly. “You shouldn’t do this.” His tone still isn’t angry and he’s not freaking out an ounce. “I know...Aren’t you mad at me?”

“Mad? Why would I be mad? Why would I make your pain any worse? You probably feel upset and ashamed enough for the both of us.” You felt the tears well up in your eyes and shook under the weight of your heaving sobs. He actually understands? Dabi frowns and carefully drapes an arm around you. “Don’t cry, baby doll. I don’t like the water works.” He’s not being mean and his tone stays quite soft.

You try to reel yourself in and it’s quiet for a moment before he finally speaks up again. “I’m sorry your pain runs this deep. Someone like you should never feel like this is the only answer. I get it though. Once you get started it’s hard to stop and you cling to the relief it gives you.”

“Y-you...”

Dabi releases a long sigh before he’s using the arm not around you to point carefully to certain scars under his large ones that you can still see if you look closely enough. “I get it. I really do. But...please don’t do this to yourself anymore. A doll face like you should be smiling all the time. You deserve to be happy. And these feelings you feel now are valid too. I get you can’t be happy and smiling all the time. This place can be super fucked up, but...if you need someone to rely on and talk to, if you feel like you have no one, I am standing right beside you.”

You glance at him to see he’s already looking at you and staring directly into your eyes. “D-Dabi...”

“C’mon, don’t get all gushy on me now,” he teases. “I’m serious though, doll. If you feel like this again, come find me. Call me. Anything. You will never bother me. Fight those demons and live for me. It’d be a hell of a lot more dull without someone as bright as you around. So, fight it. If you slip up every once in a while, that’s ok too. It happens. You can tell me that too. I’m not going to tear into you for it. It’s absolutely okay to not be okay. You’ll get there. You can recover. Promise me.”

“I...I promise...” It felt as if some heavy weight had been completely pushed off your shoulders. “Good. Now let’s get those cleaned up and get some bandages on you. Then you’re really going to have to get out of here because I have really got to pee. You can go wait in my room or something.” You chuckled softly as he grabbed a few things from the medicine cabinet. He cleaned you up and got you all set before he finally ushered you out of the bathroom and pointed to his room.

There you went and waited. You never thought you’d ever have a best friend like you did in Dabi. He was extremely easy to talk to and always listened to what you had to say. He had even managed to give you a few tight hugs to let you cry it out to him. He always acknowledged how you felt, no matter how fucked up you thought you were for it. He made you feel completely normal and like nothing was wrong. You didn’t feel alone. And you actually fit in somewhere. You weren’t some freak just because of how you were feeling. And slowly with him, you started to get better and conquer yourself. Sometimes it really is okay to not be okay.