#bro did not do enough speed before this check smh my head

[heavendraven]

[REACTION SPEED - IMPOSSIBLE] Gracefully step OVER the cat

[troey-jibiani]

Listen. This has taken me all day to post. I had it all ready to go and Ao3 decided to be contrary, but it’s here. I did it!

His time is running out.

Ok, so that sounds really Extra, but it’s actually a good thing. Derek’s time is running out–the numbers on his wrist are ticking downward, meaning he’s going to meet his soulmate soon.

In approximately 45 seconds.

He’s not freaking out. Really. None of the other people here can tell he’s about to meet the love of his life. He’s good at keeping it all in.

He just so happens to be standing in a group of high school seniors, all considering attending Samwell next year and playing hockey there.

There’s this guy, who walks up next to him. He doesn’t pay him much attention, he’s got to keep his eyes open for his soulmate. Three, two–

“You sure you’re in the right place? You don’t really look like a hockey player,” the guy says blandly. Derek doesn’t know how to take that. Is he saying it because Derek’s Black, or because he’s dressed like he just walked out of poetry night in a dimly lit coffee house? Either one hurts, but one is significantly worse than the other.

“Bro. Check your timer,” Derek urges instead of acknowledging Mr. Whitest Boy Alive’s possible racist comment.

“Fuck,” Pasty gasps. “This has to be some kind of mistake.”

Oh, ok. So White Boy has been significantly downgraded to White Asshole™. “Wow. Aren’t you just pumped to have a soulmate,” Derek snips.

“I didn’t mean it like that, man,” White Asshole™ backpedals.

“I’m sure you didn’t. Kindly fuck off and pretend this didn’t happen,” Derek sighs, “and I won’t mention it either.”

Before the royal douchebag can protest, there’s a girl telling them to follow her, and the tour has started. Derek does his best to ignore the guy for the rest of the tour, and he doesn’t make any effort to talk to Derek either.

He avoids the guy for the campus tour as well. This one is lead by two of the guys who are already on the team, a small southern man that makes Derek uncomfortable when he first hears his voice but then immediately comfortable again when he hands him a gift bag, and Shitty, a dude Derek went to school with.

Shitty makes sure to whisper to him that while the southerner–Bitty–is indeed a Georgia Peach, he’s by no means bigoted. (White Asshole™ makes a comment about expecting the Samwell Hockey team to be ‘less good at baking.’ Seriously fuck this guy.)

He doesn’t so much as look at Apparently Racist and Homophobic Dickwad after that, and hopes that Bitty was the straw that broke the camel’s back for him so he won’t show up at freshman orientation in the fall.

He shows up at freshman orientation in the fall. Well, actually, he shows up before that because the first optional skate is before orientation, and Derek and White Asshole™ both decide to go.

“Hey man, listen. I didn’t mean that I–”

“I thought I told you I wasn’t talking about this,” Derek hisses. “Look, asshat. You don’t call your soulmate a mistake. But hey. You don’t want to, like, date me or whatever the fuck? That’s chill.”

“But that wasn’t–”

Nursey isn’t going to let the dickbag talk. “I don’t care. Just forget it already, man.”

And that’s that. Months go by, the coaches pair him and White Asshole™ (his name is Dex, but to Derek he’s always going to be White Asshole™) together as defensemen, they fight like crazy, but neither of them bring up being soulmates. None of the team knows, because no one knows to ask.

For some reason, the goalie, Chowder, decides that Nursey and Dex are both his best friends, which is a problem. Derek likes Chowder, he does, but he can’t get along with Dex to save his life.

It wouldn’t be that big of a deal if Chowder could just hang out with them separately, but he insists on having the three of them study together in his room, or go to Annie’s together, or sit together at team gatherings.

And now he’s got Bitty trying to play referee. Since they don’t get along, someone has to, right?

Derek’s going insane.

Dex, Derek notices, doesn’t drink much. In that respect, they’re polar opposites, as Derek gets absolutely fucking trashed at any chance he gets.

So it’s a bit of a surprise when they somehow get their roles reversed.

Derek has been nursing (ha) one beer all night, the nicer shit that he convinced Shitty to buy and hide in the back of the fridge. Dex is on tub juice number three, and while he’s certainly holding it better than Derek would, he’s more drunk than Derek has ever seen him before.

Apparently, drunk Dex wants to be around Nursey way more than sober Dex.

“Nursey,” Dex slurs, throwing his arm around Derek’s shoulders, “fuck bro I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“Did you need something?” Derek asks, slowly, because Dex doesn’t seem to be at full Poindexter Processing Speed right now. Shut up, it makes sense in Derek’s head, alright?

“N’really. I just wanted to see you. Fuck. How did I end up with you as a soulmate?”

“Dex, we’re not talking about this, and especially not here,” Nursey warns.

Dex frowns, and leans his head against Derek’s. “Just because I’m not good at words. I didn’t mean to ruin everything. I didn’t think you were mine.”

Derek is confused. Dex had called him a mistake. Dex didn’t want him, just like everyone else around him eventually came to realize. His parents were never there for him, his classmates at Andover were only ever party friends, and sooner or later the rest of the SMH were going to figure out that they didn’t want him either.

“Too pretty. I thought, like, no? Not him? Not even close to your league, Poinde–Poindex–Poindexter. Plus you’re fuckin’ annoying,” Dex babbles.

“Yeah right. Tell me that tomorrow morning when you’re not schwasted.”

Dex lifts his head up and Looks Nursey in the eye. It appears to take a lot of effort. “’M not that drunk. Maybe a little. But not that much.”

“Still. I’m not believing a word you say until you say it sober.”

Derek thanks whatever celestial being that they don’t have practice in the morning. He’s not hungover, but last night’s kegster lasted a long time, so he’s a little sleep deprived. He revels in his opportunity to sleep in, to just lay in bed with nowhere to go.

And then someone starts pounding on his door. “Nurse! Open up! Nursey!”

That sounds suspiciously like Dex, so he gets up, remembers to at least put on pants, and stumbles to the door. “What the fuck, Poindexter. Let a guy sleep in on the only day he gets to.”

“You told me to tell you what I told you last night again when I wasn’t drunk. I’m mildly hung over but my headache’s almost gone and I’m Irish so my entire family would be super disappointed in me if three drinks did me in.”

“You have my attention,” Derek mumbles, dropping back down on his bed.

“Ok. So. I’ve kind of tried to say this before and you wouldn’t listen? I didn’t mean to say that I thought us being soulmates was a mistake. I just meant that there was no way that someone like you could possibly be stuck with, well, me.”

Derek looks up at Dex. He’s standing awkwardly, with his hands crammed in his pockets. His face matches his hair, and he doesn’t seem to be able to look at Nursey.

“But no matter what I say I always seem to say the wrong thing? Especially if I’m talking to you. It just. It doesn’t come out the way I want it to.”

Derek doesn’t want to believe him. Dex is just another person in his life that’s going to walk out eventually.

“What the fuck Nurse, no I’m not.”

So Derek is apparently drowsy enough to say that last part out loud.

“Is that really what you think? That I’m just going to leave? Last time I checked, we’re soulmates. I’m stuck with your ridiculous ass no matter what.”

“But you like my ridiculous ass,” Derek quips. “You said it yourself. You think I’m miles out of your league.”

“I also said you’re annoying,” Dex reminds him, but he’s smiling. Dex is finally looking at him, and he doesn’t seem so uncomfortable anymore. “As luck would have it, so am I.”

“Can I get that in writing?”

Dex laughs. “Shut the fuck up. I’m serious, though. Just because other people in your life haven’t cared about you enough to stick around–which we are discussing later because what the fuck, Nurse–doesn’t mean I’m going to do the same thing. If nobody else stays, I will.”

Derek props himself up on his elbows. Dex is so earnest. He always is, really, but this? This is Dex begging him to understand that they’re meant for each other even if Derek wanted to push him away to try to save himself the heartbreak.

Apparently, there was no mistake after all.

[jupiternovak]

So let's talk about Sherlock...

I just watched The Final Problem today and I am very torn on my opinion on it. while watching i didn’t notice almost any of the major issues with it, probably because I was too emotional to pay attention. I came on tumblr right after finishing and to be honest I was overwhelmed by the amount of hate TFP got, although now it’s been a few hours though and the more I think about it, the more problems arise. I would just like to talk about the plot holes I noticed in this and also the things I liked and disliked.

for the record, I didn’t hate the episode and I didn’t think it was horrible, I just think that Moftiss were overthinking and absolutely overlooked some key points and needless to say, almost everyone noticed.

first off

- how the fuck did John get out of the well? he was literally chained to the bottom and they just threw a rope at him, what the actual friggity fuck?!?

- TLD ended with Eurus shooting John, not just shooting at him, John literally said in the beginning of TFP that he got shot. Eurus said she would put a hole in John’s face an I really doubt she’d miss if she really wanted to shoot him. John doesn’t seem to be hurt at all though, guess he must be jesus h. fucking christ in the flesh or something;

- speaking of mysterious healing, tHEY JUMPED OUT OF A FIRST FLOOR WINDOW WITH A BOMB EXPLODING BEHIND THEM AND DIDN’T GET A SINGLE SCRATCH ON THEMSELVES. firstly, they broke the windows with their bodies so they must have gotten damaged from the glass. secondly, they jumped out of a window. remember in scandal in Belgravia when Sherlock threw that guy out of a window and how bad he got hurt from that? thirdly, a bomb exploded behind them. that would have increased their speed and also hurt them. yet, in the next scene they are completely fine and don’t even come and tell me it was a while later because when they talk on the phone they say Mycroft is in the hospital unconcious, which would suggest that the explosion had just happened.

- jumping back to TLD now, what exactly was the purpose of Eurus dressing up as Faith, the girl on the bus and Johns therapist? I kinda understand Eurus helping Sherlock by giving him the letter and leading him to Culverton, but why the other two? I understand that she’s a literal psycho but what benefit did that give her? none. just fucking confusing everyone.

- Mycroft is one of the smartest men alive and yet he lets Moriarty and Eurus meet without anyone checking on them whAT THE FUCK

- how’d the “miss me?” video get all over London in HLV? who the fuck distributed it? Eurus? she can hack now?

- Mycroft: *locks Eurus in Sherrinford* Eurus: *escapes* Mycroft: “hey yknow what’s a good idea? let’s take Eurus back to Sherrinford bc that sounds like a great plan lol!”

- why’d they never look in the well when looking for Victor/Redbeard? tf smh

- how and why tf did Eurus build a fake cell? what was the fucking point?

- one moment Sherlock and Eurus are talking to eachother through a tv screen and literally three human seconds later Eurus is sitting on the floor in her room and basically looks like she’s absolutely traumatised, with no camera or anything. were the videos prerecorded? if thats the case then wtf happened to Eurus while Sherlock was out? this bit and the next one still piss me off the most

- I understand building tension and putting Sherlock under pressure but the whole plane story was literally pointless. did Eurus pretend to be the child? i understand the metaphore of it but everything about Eurus is contradicting itself at this point and her character is just messy tbh

- suprisingly convenient doors in cells that lead to other cells what a coincidence :o

- how did Mycroft Holmes, again, one of the smartest men alive, not see this coming? is he a moron? he knew exactly what his sister was capable of and he was just like tralala Eurus can literally hypnotise ppl and make them do what she wants but shes locked up in a prison so that means no worries for me (*˘︶˘*).｡.:*♡

- where did the fake tombstones come from? did 8 year old Eurus bring them there or something? tf

- the absolute fuckery that happened when Sherlock first went into the room Eurus was in. how did he not see there was no glass? last i checked glass reflects, shouldn’t you be able to see that?

- there are fucking security cameras, did Mycroft literally never check what happened while he wasn’t there and while Eurus was just having a walk around London with Sherlock and having chips, and not only Mycroft, did nOONE CHECK AT ALL? SHERRINFORD IS A PRISOM FOR THE MOST DANGREROUS WHAT THE SHIT

- HOW DID JOHN GET OUT OF THE WELL I’M STILL CONFUSED

This episode wasn’t all bad though (hard to believe looking at literally everything I just wrote) but i did love a lot of things about it.

- WE GOT TO SEE SHERLOCK’S AND MYCROFT’S CHILDHOOD AND WHY THEY ENDED UP THE WAY THEY DID THIS IS ALL I EVER WANTED

- despite everything I still love the way they use the camera when filming Sherlock they’re all so smart about that

- Mycroft mouthing along to that movie

- Mycroft’s magic umbrella

- “hey bro!”

- THE HAT

- Mycroft having to sit in the chair

- MRS HUDSON LISTENING TO NUMBER OF THE BEAST

- Sherlock calling John family

- Sherlock calliNG JOHN FAMILY

- SHERLOCK CALLING JOHN FAMILY

- SHERLOCK LITERALLY GOT SO PISSED AT MYCROFT FOR WANTING TO EXCLUDE JOHN AND C A L L E D H I M F A M I L Y

- “Sherlock the pirate”

- Mycroft disguised as an old man anD THE REVEAL

- Sherlocks fake accent

- Eurus playing the violin

- Eurus being all gay

- Jim Moriarty

- Jim Moriarty stepping out if a helicopter with queen playing in the background

- Jim Moriarty literally hitting on his bodyguard

- Jim Moriarty

- “I am your christmas present”

- the thing Moriarty and Eurus do through the glass

- tiNY SHERLOCK

- FAT TINY MYCROFT

- TINY SHERLOCK BEING A PIRATE

- the absolutely horrifying amount of pressure Sherlock, John and Mycroft were under while doing the tasks

- the kid on the plane, absolutely terrified, but sippin on a juicebox

- John being so sure he could shoot the general but couldn’t

- Mycroft getting sick at the thought of killing

- Sherlock’s voice when he talks to the girl on the plane

- Mycroft and Sherlock deducing together

- Sherlock choosing John over Mycroft

- “soldiers today”

- Sherlock realising Molly loves him

- Sherlock choosing to shoot himself

- Sherlock doing the hand thing when matching the years on the tombstones to Eurus’s song

- Lestrade saying Sherlock is a good man yES

- violin-off

- SHERLOCK AND JOHN BEING ACTUAL FAMILY AND RAISING ROSIE TOGETHER

- HAPPY SHERLOCK HOLDING HAPPY ROSIE AND HAPPY JOHN HOLDING HAPPY ROSIE WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT

- SHERLOCK CALLED JOHN FAMILY I CAN NOT DEAL

- EVERYBODY IS HAPPY IN THE END (except probs Molly)

and now let’s get to everything I didn’t like, excluding the plot holes i described before

- how everyone treats John, like he’s always the dumb one in every situation, Mycroft thinks that, Eurus thinks that, Mary thought that, all the fans only know Sherlock and not him jUST PLS PPL APPRECIATE HIM MORE HE’S GOT IS SO HARD AND HE DESERVES BETTER

- Molly deserved better, she was just thrown around like trash like I get it you don’t wanna make Sherlolly canon (me neither dw) but stop toying with her like she’s nothing please she’s a great person and deserves more

- how John literally couldn’t physically and mentally push himself to watch the “miss me?” video at first but then when he got the “miss you” video he was like “oi Sherlock fam got some mail wanna have a movie night?”

- Moriarty is still dead, how disappointing

- there wasn’t enough Lestrade or Hudson, pls give the real heroes of the show some screentime they have to put up with Sherlock’s and John’s shit

- not enough deduction

- somehow even though Eurus is overpowered in every way Sherlock can still beat her so easily

- not enough Rosie

- we get it her name means East Wind now stop mentioning it every 2 minutes

- every character that is even a little bit LGBT is a bad character (Irene Adler, Moriarty bc let’s face it he’s gay as shit, Eurus etc)

that’s about all I got for now, I’m planning to rewatch the episode tomorrow so maybe I can evaluate it with a clearer head and get a less biased opinion on it. Moftiss could have done so much better when making this, TLD was an absolute masterpiece in so many aspects and TFP was a piece of literal garbage next to it. really hope they redeem themselves in the next season (if there is one) and explain a few things they didn’t this time. I really hope people stop hating on Moftiss for the decisions they made with this episode and instead give them actual legit points where they went wrong. too much negativity in the fandom right now. hope you all have a good day!