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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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Ur take on a malec beauty and the beast au please

ugh you got me in a difficult position here because on the one hand, i do love the idea of a beauty and the beast malec au. i just think the idea of a socially isolated person who thinks themself/is perceived as monstruous and who has locked away their heart and doesn't believe they could ever be loved fits magnus like a glove. but on the other hand, i don't want to make magnus, a brown character, animalistic, for obvious reasons. and i can't really think of a way to make him monstruous that doesn't fall into animalization/beastification (both racist tropes) or ableist tropes

so i'm thinking... maybe the spell is just that people are repulsed by him/fear him automatically? like it just creates this horrible almost impossible to ignore repulsive/fear/"fight or flight activating" aura around him for absolutely no reason and makes ppl be repulsed and/or hate him. even if it doesn't change his appearance at all. it's not really a changing or shifting spell, more like a spell of hatred

which like.... i know doesn't sound like anything poc/queer people don't already go through but there is a main difference which is that it makes it impossible to find a community. like even other brown and queer people look at him and feel this... huge disgust and even fear and might even hide and so the isolation is absolutely total and it fucking hurts. and besides it is one thing (a very bad thing) to walk around and have to be on constant alert because you never know if someone is going to be violent, and have to deal with occasional comments and disgusted reactions... it's another to consistently have like, children screaming and people cowering 100% of the time without exception, you know? he's basically living the life ppl with social anxiety think they live and he has nowhere to turn to, no one who understands or who's more likely to actually want to talk to him because of his differences. there's no one to lean on. even the people who love him aren't immune to it, even if of course they are not turning their backs on him

so anyway here are my thoughts: this was totally done by camille lol beacuse the whole backstory about being mean to an elderly lady doesn't fit magnus anyway and also i just like sprinkling camille angst where i can. so after magnus finally got himself free of her and her stupid claws she hexxed him back into isolation. both as punishment (a kinda "if you don't want me, then you have no one" logic) and just to make him more vulnerable because again, abusers want you alone and isolated and away from a support network so you are more dependant on them and more likely to buy into their thwarped logic if they can immerse you in it. so she's just trying to manipulate him into getting back with her, because she wants him and most of all his power

and basically you know the drill, if he doesn't find anyone who will love him romantically until the rose withers yada yada he will die. and again she just wants to make the spell so it constantly drives home how alone he is and how he can't find anyone who will love him (except for her), and make it so he's more and more likely to come back to her as time goes by because then the spell will be broken

(sidenote: camille obviously doesn't actually love him, because anyone who does that to someone doesn't love them. but as the one who cast the spell, she can lift it whenever she wants. so all she has to do is kiss him and lift the spell and be like "see, magnus? who else would love you like this, but me? even after all these years?". and honestly if it had come to that magnus would know she was lying because there is no way this is love, none. but anyway it doesn't come to that, that's just what her plan is)

anyway it still doesn't work because magnus is done and he won't get back to her, and he particularly doesn't want to get back with her after, you know, all this trashfire. and he just sets his jaw and is like "fine" and accepts that he will live however long he still has with his friends and people he loves and away from her, basically

and like gosh sidenote but this would have been so painful for his friends. camille very deliberately made it romantic love because she knows magnus has so many fucking people who love him, but him and the immortal squad have found family dynamics, not romantic ones. so there is nothing they can do even though their love for magnus is just... so real and pure and they hate to see him like this, hate to know that right when he finally got rid of her she made sure he still couldn't go out in the world. especially since magnus has always been so damn sociable, loved to be surrounded by people and to meet them and care for them. but here he is, walking as hidden as he can and with his head down avoiding eye contact because he knows the horror is there and some children run away screaming when they see him

and i just picture this desperate little scene with raphael in particular where he's just like.... "i'll try to kiss you. we have to try" and magnus is all, "my boy, you don't even like kissing, and she was very adamant that it had to be romantic" and raphael is almost in tears like "but i do love you, goddamn it! i should be able to undo this spell" and it's so sweet that he's trying and willing to be in this really awkward position where he kisses (yikes) magnus (which is just weird especially since magnus is kind of a father figure to him) because he's just... so desperate to have him free of her, finally, once and for all, you know?

but obviously it doesn't work, not even with dot, who had a kinda fling with him in the past but doesn't really feel Romantic Love™ for him even though she does love him, it's just... not what the spell requires. and it's unfair as hell and there are lots of tears but just the fact that magnus falls asleep surrounded in a teary cuddle pile after some of the absolute worst kisses of his life because his friends/family love him enough to put themselves in such an uncomfortable position in the hopes of making him free, is enough to make him feel a little better. and the fact that they are still there for him and obviously still love him so fiercely even though looking at him now literally evokes fight or flight instincts in them is already more than anything camille could ever give him. if anything, she's proven how loved magnus is

and that helps him get through it that day and is something he tries to hold unto in the worst days, but still, it's hard and it just... sucks. it's tiring to go out in the street and always have people staring at you and to see the horror in their faces and be so isolated and never really know what might happen, if he will be attacked or harrassed or what exactly will happen. so he isolates himself more and more and soon the only people who ever see him or visit him are his friends. and fuck, do they hate seeing him like this

things settle in a weird kind of way. magnus is still living his life and working as a wizard and etc and in a way the spell even helps him have some more credibility because you know, isolated scary person is kinda what ppl expect from wizards. but he avoids having contact at all costs and mostly sends the potions they request and stuff their way, and the only ppl he sees are his friends unless he absolutely can't avoid going outside. and he's fucking miserable. and every once in a while camille will come back to be like "so, magnus, are you ready to stop with this little tantrum of yours and come back to me now? how is the rose doing, by the way?" because god forbid he catches a break

also it turns out that magnus' adoptive streak becomes even stronger because he is 1- extra lonely; and 2- empathizing more than ever with the outcasts. don't get me wrong, he always has, he's a fucking brown, bi trans man for fuck's sake. we all see ourselves in the stray dogs and lonely people one way or another. but now this is turned up to a thousand, so, you know

so he has one (1) extra kind of contact in his life which is basically with stray animals (particularly cats cuz u know, this is magnus) that he finds around in need of help. they can all leave if they want, but a lot of them stay, particularly the black cats, disabled animals, and others that have a particularly hostile environment outside. you know

(not me again with my very specific hcs about deaf pitbulls who fall in love with my faves but LOOK pitbulls are very sweet and caring animals who don't deserve the fame of monsters that they have and if the idea of one being best friend's with magnus and them having a loving and caring relationship doesn't appeal to you then idk what the fuck to tell you)

this of course doesn't help his image cuz this guy is just going there and collecting black cats and snakes and has a huge pitbull around with him at all times but it's not like it can get any worse so magnus doesn't care, and besides, he can't just leave them out to die in the cold and harrassment of middle ages white ppl who think black cats are the worst possible thing but rats carrying deadly diseases are fine (and look, i know rats are also animals that get a lot of shit and persecution, but like, seriously, clean the streets)

and every once in a while there will be a person in need too, like a homeless person in need of a place to stay or some sick person who has been abandoned or something of the sort, so magnus brings them in as well and cares for them as well as he can, but also tries to maintain minimal contact because he's been burned too many times, okay

so like, cue alec! i know in the original BATB belle ended up with the beast to save her father's life but fuck that. i lowkey consider making it "izzy ran away from home so alec comes after her and they both end up staying with magnus" but i think i like it better if it's just alec who decided to leave. like he's done with the abuse both towards him and his sister and he wants to be able to live his life even if he's gonna have to start over in some other village all alone. anywhere but here and all that

and of course alec used to be plenty rich and he has a lot of skills that help him pass by - he's a good archer and hunter, he's a good leader and organizer so he could do wonders for a failing business, he's smart and cunning - but he also has, like, 2 gold coins to his name. maybe some more from stuff he took from home and sold, but still

initially he is living at a tavern and i guess i'm making simon, raphael, and maia tavern owners again! i don't even care anymore, it suits them. rapha is the cook and the three of them run the business and simon also makes musical appearances during dinners every once in a while, and they are living the happy queer polyamorous life of their dreams. we have no choice but to stan

anyway alec is staying with them and he becomes friends with i think maia in particular since, you know, she is the one with the most contact with the customers since rapha is in the kitchen and simon is up the stage most of the time. plus they are both the same brand of bastard and they have an easy understanding between them that just works

and look! simon, raphael, and maia are 3 trans, non-christian/non-white (unnecessary addendum: the concept of whiteness didn't exist until around the 17th century, but whiteness as a concept came basically as a substitute for christianity [link to source], so i'm counting the fact that simon is jewish and raphael and maia are not culturally european as equivalent to non-whiteness in this context) people, so it's not like they would ever kick a gay man running from an abusive home out. but you know what they also are? magnus' friends. and after a while of talking to him maia thinks he is trustworthy enough for them to send magnus' way, because magnus needs as many friends as possible. plus, he wouldn't kick a person in need out, so unlike with them magnus can't really push this newcomer away so he'd have more company. plus, the possibility that he might fall in love with magnus and undo the stupid spell is there, i'm just saying! i'm not saying it WILL happen but why not give it a fucking shot?

raphael in particular is of course super protective of magnus and he swears to god that if this guy gives him half a bad look raphael will end him, which earns him some pats on the shoulder for his troubles and "rapha, we don't want magnus to be hurt either"s. maia says that she's been assessing him for quite a while now and she's pretty positive that he won't be terrible to magnus, but if she's wrong, she'll kill him personally too. and rapha trusts maia. how could he not? she's maia

so, they send alec magnus' way. "i'm sorry alec, but we are struggling to make ends meet *hides gigantic gold stash* and the tavern is packed *raphael upstairs stomps at maximum speed to make it seem like their 13 empty rooms upstairs actually have people* and we really need your room to give to this customer *simon in a wig* BUT we have a friend who we're sure will give you shelter if you ask, it's not very far away, and once we have a free room we will let you know". and alec is just like, okay, because he's been staying there for free or considerably less than the usual fee/in exchange for some stuff he hunts for quite a while now, and they are nice, so it's not like he can complain

and they don't tell him about the spell exactly because it is not their story to tell but they do let him know what to expect re: magnus' vibes and say it's a spell. and alec's like ok i guess. alec's very practical, he doesn't really care, and it's not like it's the guy's fault anyway. which is exactly why maia is sending alec there

so they send magnus a heads up ("magnus this guy is HOMELESS and we are SOOOOO packed can you please give him shelter for a little while thx xoxo"). alec arrives there a while later carrying like 3 prime rabbits he has hunted as a thank you gift because he hates being dependant on people but it's not like jobs abound in the middle ages, and he is actually a little embarrassed to go in and ask this guy he doesn't know for shelter but he IS kinda desperate. for now

anyway he is standing there with his 3 rabbits debating whether or not to knock on the door and magnus just opens it magically like "i know you're there, dear, just come in" so alec does and awkwardly presents him the rabbits and shit and is all "thanks for letting me stay, uh. i can help you with food and taking care of the house and stuff" even though, you know, magnus has magic and doesn't need it

(and magnus appreciates it deeply, because it is tiring to do it all magically on his own but most non-magical people don't even consider that)

and like... it is very awkward at first because magnus does NOT trust at all and he mostly just wants to keep away from anyone who can... look at him. but they ARE living together (oh my god they were roommates!! just kidding they each have their own room but you get it) so it's inevitable. but like magnus' insecurity makes him keep to himself for long times and makes things awkward, kinda like how the initial days with the beast and belle the beast was rude and kinda shitty except magnus is not shitty, just... private

and maybe the subject even comes up like "thanks for the meal alec. i'll go eat it in my room" "i mean, you could eat here if you want" "and ruin your appetite? no thank you" and alec is just like "*shrug* it won't ruin my appetite. unless you are my parents, the concept of failure, or some girl wanting me to marry her, i don't think there's a lot the spell can do to make me scared. besides, you literally have a kitten on top of your head right now and you refuse to remove it and are using a spell to keep her from jostling when you move" "her name is Fluffy, and she is sleeping!" "right, my bad" "wait did you say the concept of failure?" "yea"

it's not that the spell doesn't work on alec; it does, just like it works on his friends. but he is willing to go beyond that initial repulsive reaction that he knows is illogical anyway (and alec is the kind of guy who is just like "if my feelings aren't logical, i don't listen to them" which in this case is useful lmao). and the thing is that once you get to know magnus there is nothing about him that is scary, and the feeling just becomes completely ignorable, because humans are nothing if not adaptable. but most people don't want to go through the trouble to try, and magnus himself doesn't want to let himself be vulnerable enough to give them a chance because there IS a great chance that he will be met with some level of aggression, even if it's an unintentional microaggression

and eventually they grow closer and build trust. i think this happens particularly when camille steps in for one of her regularly schedule shoving-it-in-magnus'-face visits and alec is just like. "hey why don't you just use magic to keep her away?" and magnus realizes that he never even THOUGHT of that and like, jesus, how much has he been unconsciously torturing himself? so he does it, and he ends up telling alec about the story of the spell, which might be the first time he's told someone that didn't know him before the spell was cast

(alec: "so she's basically just killing you slowly?" magnus: "don't be silly, alexander. torturing me first is the most important part". and he sounds self deprecating and almost resigned and god alec feels murderous)

ohh but wait bonus: magnus says that she will only undo the spell if he gets back with her, he doesn't mention that it technically can be undone by romantic love or whatever bullshit's going on because he doesn't believe it can happen anyway, so, who cares

anyway! time goes by. fun fact: alec and magnus get along really fucking well. magnus is so so smart and knowledgeable and he shows alec many of his inventions that never got to see the light of day or that were stolen by someone else who wasn't cursed and took all the credit. he also fascinates alec with his magic, but mostly with his personality. there's something just endlessly endearing about this guy who is so fucking proud of his puns and so so nice and gentle to every creature he encounters, be it a kitten or a pitbull, who's letting alec stay with him for no reason other than that alec needs it

and alec is so goddamn appreciative of it because like he IS and we stan! and he's always trying to give back to magnus which is kind of a rarity, but most of all he's also extremely funny beneath the whole no-bullshit attitude, he's caring and fierce and resourceful and strong (so's magnus) and they click so well. they can also talk about their similar experiences with like, abuse and trauma without making it super heavy and they're just,,, so supportive of each other. so like yeah surprise surprise they fall in love

but they don't really say anything because (on magnus' part) that's just fucking ridiculous, he's a monster; and (on alec's part) he will put magnus is a way too uncomfortable position if magnus doesn't like him that way and they will just... be living together. and magnus will feel like he has to compensate to alec somehow and alec doesn't want that. it's just complicated when one of them is dependant on the other, and besides, alec has had very little to offer magnus so far

(no, he has no idea how much his company means to magnus and has brighted his depressed ass life. he is stupid)

sometimes magnus' friends visit and they're always just so happy for him, to see how he's hanging out more and let someone into his life after so long. it earns him a lot of forehead kisses and "i'm so happy to see you like this". and over time he starts to invite them over more as well as just open up back to the people in his life :')

angsty but also kind of fluffy sidenote: i picture that every time they kiss his forehead or cheek or whatever they linger for a little while and then open their eyes slowly and sigh like "i had been hoping that it would work this time. magnus, you know i love you, right?" and magnus is all like "i know just from you saying that, darling. it's just not how the spell works" and aaa

and like to be extra clear im not saying that alec fixes him or romantic love heals him or whatever, just that having let someone in, someone who didn't know him before the spell, and have them completely accept him and realize how much he had been missing out re: touch and human contact helps him realize how much he misses his friends and how pushing them away is stupid when they've never been anything if not supportive of him. they don't care that he's cursed. and obviously magnus was already on the way to that if he even managed to let alec in anyway

anyway! dramatic healing scene. LOOK. usually i'd be all for "they don't change back actually because people don't have to look beautiful to be lovable". like the original BATB disappointed me sooo badly because i had just been hoping that he'd stay the same way and still be loved. but in this case it's not that magnus doesn't look beautiful! it's that the spell has made him be hated by people for no reason other than existing. and breaking the spell is not changing magnus himself, it's changing that hatred. so, yeah. i'm not saying it's a deep metaphor or anything, just, you know daudhasdja it's different from the usual monster thing

and i'm torn here because on the one hand i LOVE the drama of the original BATB where everyone decides to gather to kill the beast and belle saves him and shit, but idk if it fits with the vibe ive been building here. no actually @ me shut the fuck up. you know how i mentioned that they kick camille out with magic finally? i actually had no intentions of following through with this in any way but like of COURSE she would be absolutely pissed out of her mind and want to get back in some way, we already know she's vindictive. so i'm gonna use that. this is what neil gailman meant when he said that writing is just making a rough draft and then writing it again but like it's on purpose this time

anyway! so after they yeet her camille is obviously furious and fuming and it might have finally dawned on her that magnus will NOT fucking cave and she is losing power over him, not gaining it. so she decides to play a last card and get him to almost die so he kind of HAS to take her bid, you know? so she makes up some shit about how magnus has kidnapped the lightwood heir and she's only now hearing about it, and no one else is safe and yada yada. and she has "proof" because alec IS indeed there and again the spell just helps everyone easily agree with her that magnus is That Kind Of Guy or whatever, and middle ages ppl weren't exactly waiting for a good enough reason to grab their pitchforks. and they don't even KNOW about the spell, really. all they know is that he's very powerful, secluded, and they all fear and almost hate him just from one look

so camille makes up some bullshit story about how he made a deal with the devil to become extra powerful, and that the source of his powers is the rose, so they have to get rid of the rose to kill him. (sidenote: i never understood why the hell the rose was never used as a weakness against the beast. like was he keeping it super guarded and safe just for the fucking shits?) so they devise an attack so someone can sneak up and get the rose, and camille makes up some bullshit story about how they have to destroy the rose a specific way so it takes longer and she has time to manipulate magnus before he dies. man, it's easy to be a villain when your target is secluded

anyway! big attack at magnus' house. magnus' friends don't hear about it until it's too late because camille knows exactly who they are and warned them that they were on "the witch's" side. alec is maybe away hunting when it happens? camille obviously has magic in this AU so she can check for that information. maybe she even says that she will be the one responsible for finding the lightwood heir so there is minimal risk of him revealing that she lied lmao

oh no, violence! they battle and yada yada. catarina is probably the first one to realize what is happening because i figure she, madzie, and dot are the ones who live closest to magnus'. they send fire messages and get ragnor, simon, maia, raphael, and meliorn to help. oh yeah, and alec i genuinely forgot trust me to forget about romance in a romance-focused au. but alec is the only one of them without any magical resources and he's far away and on foot, so he's gonna be the last to get there, which camille had been counting on

but alec or no alec, they can keep the attackers at bay because they're all powerful and smart and shit and a lot of them have magic as opposed to the mundanes who don't, but of course that's mostly because they are holding off on attacking and the invasion is mostly a distraction because their PLAN is to use the rose. and camille tells them all to leave once the petal puckering starts so she can "protect them from any lashouts" (have her big villain speech). and it's not like any of magnus' friends is gonna leave to go after them when magnus is dying, bUT they also won't attack camille because she's his only hope. and they won't be able to get to stop the rose plucking in time because that's in another room and while she made it slower than something that the person can use to kill him in a second it's also not slow enough for them to get there on time (maybe there's a spell against magic use near where magnus keeps the rose? just for extra safety, so the ones with magic can't portal there or whatever)

anyway. big villain speech. magnus screams in pain every time a new petal is plucked. his friends are either running to the rose thing desperately or trying to get camille to stop this madness, she's going to kill him for fuck's sake. i don't know which chooses to do what so you can figure that out i guess. and for that extra drama, right when the last petal was going to be plucked, wee woo alec lightwood arrives! and he went straight for the rose because magnus had told him about it and he figured that there was a good chance the attackers might go for it. so he shoots the person's leg or something and gets them away from the rose and yay, day saved! mostly. because now there is only one petal left to fall before magnus dies, so at the very least, his lifespan has been shortened considerably. also, he is still in pain

i'm torn about what happens to camille then. on the one hand, i love killing camille! bonding activities for the whole family. on the other, she kinda is the only one who can save him now. they all know magnus won't want to get back with her, but hey, it's not like camille wants a relationship! she wants magnus to be her asset. a relationship was just the best way to get him to do that she had initially. but magnus doesn't want to cave and be dependant of her, so, you know. but maybe they can try to convince her to stop this fucking madness, god knows how

so okay yeah no camille-killing yet because they don't want to jeopardize magnus' safety, so she just leaves convinced that either way, she wins, and this might be the best possible scenario actually because magnus will have lots of times to think it over and be real desperate and come to her and strike a deal. so, yay her! she just needs to lie to the mundanes that the mission was successful or whatever, and it's not like that's gonna be hard because magnus won't want to be seen there again, so

we are all running to check up on magnus now. he's kinda like, on the ground coughing blood, but he'll live for as long as the last rose doesn't fall. still, they all settle on trying to help him, getting him in bed, tending to his wounds, etc. and thinking about what the fuck they are all going to do now. so you have raphael and maia making magnus soup, simon running his mouth as he throws around ideas on how they can fix this, ragnor, cat, dot, and madzie (who is here now that the danger is over ofc) checking and rechecking magnus' vitals for the billionth time and trying to figure out how much time they have, meliorn using their fae powers to stop his pain. and madzie is all snuggled in bed with magnus holding his hand and asking if he wants her to tell him a bedtime story, and magnus just... feels cared for and loved

alec meanwhile i think would tell what ACTUALLY happened to the person who was doing the rose thing - i actually have thought about it and think it might make sense for it to be luke. just because i love him and it kinda fits the whole "initially sided with shadowhunters, lately became a downworlder" thing. and like luke genuinely believed he was saving a person/people so alec brings him in too and magnus is all "catarina, dear, can you help heal his leg? i would, but i don't think i have enough magic right now" because he is the sweetest man immediately wanting to help the guy who almost killed him. and luke is in awe

(and alec brings him on purpose, too, because he knows that anyone who actually talks to magnus for a little while will see what an amazing person he is. and he hopes that luke, as a mundane, can tell the others that and turn them against camille)

and after that, of course, alec sits down by magnus' side and Does Not Leave. he's just there holding his hand and talking to him and magnus' friends, who are all also kind of. sitting there, trying to snuggle up in a gigantic pile of like 10 ppl to cuddle close to magnus and make sure he feels loved and cared for and that they know he is real. madzie gets special privileges in that sense because she's smaller and also a kid, so she gets to be kinda snuggled up with him. so alec has to be content with holding magnus' hand lmao (which he is, he's just happy that he's alive and okay. and he has a whole plan to get camille to undo the spell, mostly involving getting the mundanes against her and telling her that she is only safe for as long as magnus lives, because once he dies, she will have a bunch of ppl who will hunt her down to the faces of the earth to make her pay for what she did to him. the only reason they didn't do that yet is because she can still save magnus' live, so is she really going to let him die knowing that she will be next?)

so alec takes his hand and tells magnus that they will fix this, he promises, and give a little kiss on magnus' hand. just a little peck, no deep intentions, but magnus gasps a little because he feels something, and his eyes water a little bit because he's so touch starved and tired and hurt and alec kissed his hand and he can feel this kind of ache inside him, somehow a good ache, but he just can't explain it. and so alec notices his watery eyes and he very tenderly wipes his tears away and tells him that they're all on his side, will always be, and kisses him on the forehead. and this kiss? this kiss is full of adoration and love and purpose, and magnus gasps and the wounds that hadn't been healed suddenly mend together, and the petals that had fallen go back to the rose before it disappears in a beautiful flash of light, and suddenly magnus' magic is back full force and he just looks at himself for a second, and everyone erupts into joy because holy shit, the spell is broken

and alec is so confused because again! he didn't kNOW about the whole true love's kiss thing or he would have asked magnus to let him kiss him as soon as he learnt about his feelings, because even if magnus didn't feel the same way, alec could undo the spell. and he's like "why the hell didn't you tell me?? we could have fixed this months ago" and magnus is like "i didn't think it would make a difference. wait, you're in love with me? have been for months?" and alec is like "first of all, yes. second of all, i have nothing else to say, i just said 'first of all' because i was so indignant"

and magnus laughs and jumps on him and kisses him on the mouth this time and they are both smiling and laughing into it and so so happy. and raphael is kind of just peppering kisses on maia's face too, like, "you were right, he undid the spell, thank you" and maia was never sure that this would happen but she will take the credit actually please and thank you

and they all live happily ever after and kill camille together the end i guess. god this post was so long i'm so sorry

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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Okay I have this hc abt Simon that at a certain point after he starts dating Raphael, he gets it into his head that he needs—not Magnus’ approval, exactly—but to make a good impression. Raphael’s other partners, Maia and Meliorn, already have a pretty good relationship with Magnus. And maybe Simon’s apologized for some of the shit from early in the series, but he’s on nowhere near as good terms as them! Magnus isn’t the type to give a shovel talk, but he IS protective (with good reason), so he already mostly approves of Simon (anyone who can make his son happy is good in his book, and Simon DID apologize). But Simon, after some deep reflection, manages to decide that the best course of action is a 50-slide long PowerPoint titled “I just want you to know that I promise I’ll treat Raphael really well”. Magnus is mostly just amused, but touched as well. Raphael is also touched, but mostly dying of embarrassment. Maia and Meliorn think it’s adorable but also are laughing their asses off. The rest of the Polycule start wondering if they need to make PowerPoints for each other’s respective (chosen and otherwise) families.

i love everything about this ask. simon going to Magnus' for some sort of family dinner and he's like *ahem*. id like to thank magnus for this lovely event, and if allowed.... id like to say a few words *the lights dim, a powerpoint presentation begins, he has a laser pointer*

he got alec's help to set everything up in the living room so all he had to do was turn on the tv and his presentation would be there. alec only agreed because he thought itd be hilarious. he was right

the presentation is very sweet and fun tho and simon definitely fumbles a bit even tho he's Rehearsed and it features some really cute stuff like pictures of them together that simon uses to make commentary to Prove that raphael makes him happy and he'll do everything to give it back. and raphael kinda wants the earth to swallow him whole but he also kinda wants to cry. mostly to cry. wouldnt say no to being swallowed whole tho

and magnus is just like "simon i know you, i trust you with my boy" and simon is like "no, magnus, i'm making a statement here, by the time this is over i'll be your favorite of rapha's partners" and maia and mel are like "hey!!" but simon just keeps going

it lowkey starts an unofficial competition to be Magnus' Favorite even tho magnus has no favorites and he loves all of rapha's partners as long as they make rapha happy - and they do, thank you very much. but still every time they do anything for rapha theyre like "make sure to mention this to magnus :)" and rapha is all "you're insufferable. i swear you only spoil me because of him" which earns indignant splutters and a lot of cheek kisses until he takes it back

in short theyre soft and i love this

#hi!!!!!!! happy to have you interact ❤️❤️❤️#sh #shadowhunters #saphael #simon lewis #raphael santiago #magnus bane #saiaphaeliorn #The Polycule™#brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them #ask #anonomouslyabanana

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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Do you think you would ever write something about Raphael (or any of Magnus's friends) giving Alec the shovel talk? I like Rapha being the one who does it because he is Magnus's son, but Rags and Cat have known Magnus the longest, so idk who would be best. Maybe all of them?

oh let's be real after they start dating alec completely 100% spends a week having different friends of magnus' show up Every Day to give him a shovel talk. by the time friday rolls in he's like *shoots the last demon of the day* "okay so i don't know who or where you are but let me just say that my intentions with magnus are good-" and when he turns around there it is, another person he doesn't know coming to threaten him

and especially with all the other layers (alec being a shadowhunter, a lightwood) they are extra wary of him so you can bet there's gonna be ppl portalling from india to let him know that if he even thinks about hurting magnus the entire downworld will tear him to shreds and display his ripped body parts at the stake or whatever. and alec's just like understandable have a nice day

really tho alec takes it all in stride and is more than willing to sit down and answer their questions and even take a damn truth potion if necessary lol which earns him some points at least. say what you will but alec is very good at showing exactly how much he cares about magnus and people can see that, even if trusting him to do it right is another conversation

especially after two breakups lmao which brings me to the issue of "when exactly do these shovel talks happen anyway" because you know, after their first kiss and their first date the world was kind of, uh, ending. i think the ppl closest to magnus - notably rapha and cat, since elias was dead, ragnor was "dead" and dot was with valentine - would pretty much show up at the institute the SECOND the news of their dramatic wedding kiss got to them. those are the scariest talks. rapha in particular is not here for any bullshit, but cat has a way of being extremely sweet and extremely scary at the same time when she wants to, and right then, boy, she wants to

then i guess the others would be after the s2 finale when they got like maybe two days of a break and alec and magnus are back together, and magnus has already lost something important to him, so, you know, other friends pay alec a visit. and ragnor's would have to be after the wedding which is a little late and pointless by then but also it's a matter of honor. by then alec doesn't even blink at getting shovel talked to. honestly, he's kind of glad that there are so many people looking out for magnus, especially after all the pain he went through in the short time they were together

and yeah those are my thoughts? sorry they arent very detailed i dont really know how to write shovel talks but well, hope you found this interesting at least idndod

#sh #shadowhunters #malec #magnus bane #raphael santiago #catarina loss #ragnor fell #immortal squad #brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them #brotp: comfortable shoes #brotp: my dear little cabbage #alec lightwood #ask #anonymous

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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magnus bane can cook anon here. also: cooking is a love language for raphael bc food is so rooted in community/family. they absolutely teach each other traditional recipes. big family meals hosted by father and son pls 🥺 or magnus making a comfort meal for himself when he's feeling nostalgic and inviting cat over for dinner bc she's been so busy and he wants to catch up while also making sure she's nourished--two birds, one stone (he absolutely makes her take home leftovers). let magnus cook...

ugh i know this ask is old but i'm not sure what you mean by "magnus bane can cook anon", like, if you sent me another ask about this, i didn't get it rip. unless it's something i have already answered and i don't remember, in that case i'm sorry

anyway, YOU ARE RIGHT! magnus being unable to cook is preposterous tbh, i will not listen to these lies. HE! IS! INDONESIAN! food is important! and as an immigrant in particular he knows that better than anyone because food is a way to keep connected to his roots, to his love, to his culture. i will not accept any "magnus can't cook" slander, he CAN! plus like you see the way he made alec's stew amazing?? yeah yeah he used magic but i doubt there is a "make this delicious" spell, he needed to have known WHAT he would have done to the stew, add this and this and that to alter the taste, so like? he knows how to handle himself in the kitchen okay and he knows what tastes good and what doesn't, he can cook

and he knows exactly how important food is as a love language and YES him and raphael!!!! i don't have to argue that raphael can cook of course, we all know he does, and again! immigrant! LATINO!!!!! food is so fucking important for latines in general, even non-immigrants, and i imagine that it is even more so for immigrants. it's part of your culture, part of who you are. and like! raphael has been unable to eat for so long! i bet he misses it so much and i think when he wants to thank magnus for something, food is the way to go

especially in the early years. he didn't have much he could have done for magnus when he was just a recently Turned vampire kid with nowhere to go and nothing to his name, but he COULD cook for him. and i bet he was ecstactic to. i hc that magnus grows his own ingredients at home because he simply doesn't trust gringo markets to have good food and while he can and will travel to jakarta every now and then to enjoy a good food market - again, it's an intrinsic part of his culture! of course he wants to go to those when he can, it's not just the food, it's the sharing and the experience - he also wants to grow his own food. plus i think he is attached to plants. you've seen the way he talks to snakes, you mean to tell me he doesn't have a bunch of plants he grows (both for potions and foods) and talks with and grooms and is all loving towards? nonsense. absurd. i won't listen to these lies

and YES i am projecting unto him but i don't care! magnus loves his little plant friends (they have been particularly therapeutic for him in the early years after camille i feel, when he was so lonely. of course he has his cats but cats aren't really fans of hanging out all the time and plants are always there and just looking at a plant you helped grow makes you feel so much better) and prunes them with so much love and care, and because of magic he can control the weather conditions so it's always ideal for them, and make sure they are well taken care of. but he likes to do it himself without the need of magic when he can, because it's all about bonding with the plants. and when he gets to literally take the fruits of his labor, well. it makes the food and potions even more special :)

actually i bet that it actually does make a difference for potions, like... when you know the ingredients and they have been grown with love and care and a connection to the warlock they are more powerful. because plants are living, breathing things that build connections, and magic connects all things, and also because i said so!

BACK TO COOKING

i think part of the reason we've never seen him cook tbh is just because it's so... intimate. like it requires opening up about his culture and his past and a part of who he is and how he feels is in a dish (as with every dish) so it's just... way more intimate and intense than just taking someone out to dinner or something. and most of his interactions in the show were with shadowhunters, whom he either doesn't trust for obvious reasons, or does trust (alec and izzy basically, maybe clary) but knows they don't really fully understand what it means to him so there's just too big a chance to feel like he wore his heart on his sleeve for nothing (i'm talking mainly about alec here cuz i don't think he'd cook for izzy or clary lol but i do think they're on his trusted or somewhat trusted list)

and with raphael it's just painful because raphael can't eat and that's a big thing that probably upsets him on the regular, like, it's another thing that makes him feel a- human; and b- connected to his culture. and when i say human i don't mean it as just "humans eat food", i mean it as in eating for humans is about socialization and self-expression and having that taken away from him makes him feel soulless

but that just makes raphael want to cook MORE! i mean we've seen him cooking for rosa('s nursing home) so that's pretty much canon anyway. and i have no doubts in my mind that raphael used to cook for magnus all the time. initially recipes he already knew from his mom and his abuela, because again, it's just... sharing who he is and almost like welcoming magnus as a part of his family, and magnus understands that 100% and probably cries the first time rapha makes him pozole or something (he knows it's rapha's comfort food and he's just had a hard day and he's tired and maybe a bit worn by depression and raphael makes it for him and he's just... so touched and overwhelmed by the immenseness of the gesture). and then magnus starts to tentatively teach him the recipes he remembers for his own mom and again that's just.... ugh the magnitude of that is incalculable. and rapha knows it too

and he's highkey nervous because he knows magnus hasn't really tasted this in so long and he doesn't want to butcher it, you know? and he can't try the food to see if it's good, he can basically only go by smell (which i figure he has perfected over the years but he's known magnus since the early years so that was probably harder by then) but magnus is just happy to have someone to pass this down to, you know? like he's cooked meals for ragnor, dot, cat, elias, etc., before (immortal squad dinner meetups where everyone brings their favorite foods from their childhoods and ragnor makes tea because no one is putting up with that shit <3) but passing the recipes on to someone else is a whole different deal, it speaks of their father-son bond and it's basically welcoming raphael into the family back, you know? and rapha knows

and from then on rapha starts cooking these recipes for magnus, particularly when he's feeling down or just as a thank you for everything he's done for him and aaaaaaaaaaa

and then of course eventually the potion that allows vampires to eat is created and raphael can FINALLY eat again and try all the recipes he's been making for magnus (and sometimes cat) for years!!! after of course the first order of business which is making himself some pozole and everything else he's been cooking for rosa and missing terribly. but AFTER he has his mexican feast they absolutely have one of these meetups again and everyone gives raphael a little something from their culture for him to try and it's just <3 beautiful and i need a moment

AND CAT YES. we all know cat is overworked to death and magnus will NOT put up with it. and food is a love language so you know <3 half the time she will get home and find some little delivery packages from magnus, dot, ragnor, elias, raphael, or all of them (lol) with food because they know sometimes she gets home too tired and skips dinner and she SHOULD NOT. and they all have little notes like "i've sealed it magically so it's still hot, enjoy <3" and it's just sweet okay

and then there are the dinners... not just the super big dinners they all have together where everyone cooks something but sometimes just cat and magnus in magnus' loft and magnus makes her something, including some recipes she's taught him, and he absolutely makes extra and he's not even subtle about it because when is he ever ("*presenting cat a industrial-sized pan filled with food* oh, guess i miscalculated how much we'd eat" "really, magnus?" "yes") and makes her take the leftovers and she's just grinning at him the whole time and gives him a little kiss on the cheek for his troubles. then they sit down and drink wine and gossip and have fun until the tension has left both of their shoulders and they feel recharged. and cat might sleep there or might go back home the same day but either way when they have to part they trade "take care"s and catarina has this huge smile on her face as she takes thousands of conteiners filled with food, and magnus has that soft smile that he gives her, and aa <3

#sh #shadowhunters #magnus bane #raphael santiago #catarina loss #brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them #brotp: comfortable shoes #immortal squad #ask #anonymous #q #long post

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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Umm what are your thoughts on Magnus thinking Raphael doesn't need him anymore

Y̴̖̳̏͐̓͝͝͝O̴͉͔̪͙͎͌̋̊̽̚Ü̴̦ ̵̡̧͍̙͎̤̓͜F̵̺̹̼̫̳̻̖̓̈́̎Ơ̵͈̟̘̼̲O̴̤̻̭̻̟̺̖͗̆͌͒͆͊͂L̴̨͚̝̟̙̥͆̏. you absolute idiot. my thoughts on magnus thinking raphael doesn't need him anymore??????????????? C̶̨̛̖̘̜̟̪̱͗̈́̓̑̋͛́̽͛̃̑̈́Ą̵̢̣͕̥͚̩͔̗̤͙̺͝ͅN̷̢̜͇̪͖̫͓̦̟̰͎͈̫͔̹͌̓̏̐̔̊̽͝ͅ'̵̩͇͐̅͌͋̕T̵̡̡̼̰̼̯͇̝̗̼̫̝̺̝͖͑̀̒͛̈͘͜ͅ ̷̧̘̬͕̯̘͇̹̳͔̑̓͜Y̷̨̥̙̻̣̯̦̓̏̏̂̒͐̕Ơ̸̭͔̤̤̮̙͇͙͇͙̩͐̌̂̈́̐̇̌̌̕̚͝U̴̢̡͙͕̖̥̗̔̿̒̓̉̓͌ͅ ̶̺͚̯͙̘̦̻͚͒͒̍͗̌̚͜͠S̶̢͆̉́̋̈́́Ȩ̵̪͚̹͉͉͉̼̱͖̏ͅĘ̶̛̞̣͚̲̳̻̪̤̲͎̳̠̻̎̊̽̀̉̑͝ ̴̧̛̫͖͍̺͙͓͈̹͕͛͊͊̓͋̄͑͗̉͆͠͝T̵̡͍̱͍̙͈̞͍̪̭͌̄͂̎͑͂Ḩ̴̧̫̪͖̫̞̞̀̔̾̿̃͗̋͐̌͊̀̕̚È̴̢̨͓̞̠̲̱̠͉̾̀ ̴̢͇͈̣͙̝̭͔̰͔̫̦̈́̀͘Ṁ̶̡͓̖̭̩̱̗̗̘̯̖̹͖̳̭̙̺͋͐̈Ḭ̷̢̧̢͔̙̪̣̞̣͙̘̑͌̈́̐̾̅̆́̆̑̃͋͒͒̎͠Ş̵̱̘̰͓̫̦̺͚̙̹͚̗͎̭̠͆̀̏͐͋͗̈́T̷̢̡̡̛̪̝̟̻̠̼̦̦̰̦̗͓̣͌̌̐̋͊̐̔͛̕Ą̵͔͉̜̪̦͓̗̤͇͖̘͓̱̰̜̈͒̍̊͂ͅK̵̛͈̜̱͉̜̖͈̈́́̒̀̐͒́̂̔͆̾̏̂͂̕̕E̸̡͓̣̪̮͉̮̻̹̰̒́̾̋ ̴̡̮̝̝͇̫̮̭̞̦̘̙̥̥̗͒̿͝ͅY̷̡̨͙̝̰̗̗̫͛́̕͜͠͝Ō̵̬Ų̶̡̖̗͙̞̲̺͖̣͉̜̿́͒͆́̏̚͠ͅ'̵̮̭̗̙̘̰͍̥̣̪̩̖̦͂̀̋̆̓̉́̅͜R̸̼̤͙̞͚̼̤͆͛͌̄̈́̑͘Ê̸̡̢̩̳̤͙̳̘̲̞̦̳̻̩̔̐̄͐̑̒̿̒̽̈́̌͒̏̚ ̷̛̮̂̈̽̄̇̆̍̄͂̋̒͛͝͝͝M̶̧̢̛͙̮̣͎̮͍̝̪͔͎̘͔̐̊͐̄̃́̄̄͋̆̕͜͝A̵̧̮̙͖͓̭̯̘̪̿͊̌̉̆̄̈́̾̅́͆͋́̾̓͝K̸̘̩̯̼̣͍̠̝͈̤̮̝̻̬̿̈́Ǐ̶͖̹͈̫͙̀͛̀̆͆͊̿͘̕͝Ṋ̸̨̨̗̰͖̳̝͉͑̏̀̀́̂͗͌̽̈G̸̢̰̟̜͎̪̬̞̲͔̘͍̋̆. not only is this one of my favorite angsts ever, nay! you just posted self promo bait!!! i have a whole ass fic about it (link). and you know what the worst part is???? im gonna make a huge ass answer to your question anyway!!!! do you understand how naive you were now??? do you have any idea what you have unleashed?????

ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok. so i think the saddest part about this is magnus' assumption that like... if he isn't useful, he isn't desirable. which we know is 100% how magnus rolls (therapy-needing icon) and would particularly ring true in raphael's case because like... magnus took raphael in when raphael was at his lowest. their relationship was started off by the fact that raphael needed him. and that makes it even harder for magnus to shake that feeling off

like, don't misquote me, it's not raphael's fault and that is not how he sees magnus at all. and i don't think magnus singlehandedly saved raphael or whatever; raphael had to build his own network of ppl and resources to get over his addiction and get back on his feet and build himself back together, as anyone does. no one can carry a burden as big as singlehandedly taking care of any one person, nevermind one in the state rapha was in. but the fact remains: raphael and magnus met when raphael was at his lowest, and they built their relationship because magnus helped him

and magnus knows raphael's got this whole repentance thing going on, he knows that raphael feels like a monster and a burden and like his debt to magnus is unmeasurable. and that makes him second-guess everything about their relationship, imo, because like... raphael probably feels like he has to keep magnus company, he has to do as he says or whatever, because he has a debt

and to some extent it's nice that magnus is like... aware of that imbalance, which is inherent to that situation, but then i think it becomes pretty much... being convinced that raphael doesn't like him and only puts up with him because he has to since he owes magnus

and when magnus "adopted" rapha, magnus was at a particular fragile point. i'm pretty sure rapha was the first person magnus ever let into his life, fully, enough to really know him and his insecurities and his true self, after camille. his other friends - catarina, dot, ragnor, elias - all knew him from before. and we know how after camille magnus locked his heart; yes, he was referring to romantic relationships, but when you are constantly afraid of falling in love with someone in case they will abuse you, you can't fully build platonic relationships either, because there is that wall that is there, a certain level of intimacy that you won't allow yourself

and with that i don't mean that romantic relationships are inherently more intimate or deeper than platonic ones! i mean that to build any sort of intimate relationship, romantic or platonic, you need to be able to allow yourself to be vulnerable, and magnus was obviously not allowing himself that, because he was scared of being vulnerable after it was used so viciously against him the last time he opened up his heart

but magnus is still too caring of a person to leave someone in a state as bad as raphael's - no sire, battling addiction, alone in the streets, probably no knowledge of the shadow world (this is probably where i should add my mandatory disclaimer that i'm not following book canon and i don't care how it went there, i'm talking about the show), no clan, no family, basically no one - alone, so of course he's gonna bring him in for a night and feed him and try to find a way to help him

but then you add to that two facts: 1- magnus is hopelessly affection and touch-starved and desperately needs company; 2- there is not many places raphael can actually go to

so of course magnus lets raphael stay. and it's for his own sake as much as it is for his, because again, magnus is starved, and he is at a point of his recovery where he needs to let people in, even if it's slowly and in a relatively safe situation - like, what can raphael do to hurt him? okay, there's a few things, but still. it's just easier to let yourself be vulnerable when the person you're allowing to see it is someone you've seen equally as or even more vulnerable. especially if they have no connections to people you know, as it is in rapha's case

PLUS, he empathises. i've said it before and i'll say it again, raphael and magnus have so much in common. from background (immigrants, brown, downworlders, one is bi the other is ace which are two groups known for their ties and solidarity with each other, trans if you go by my headcanons which i will because this is my blog and i do what i want) to coping mechanisms (both clearly deal with their problems on their own and try to avoid letting other people help them as much as they can, even if in very different ways - magnus creates a persona so he can be surrounded by people and not let them in too close whereas raphael doesn't let them get close from the get-go), to some of their personal psychological issues (this unbearable responsibility they carry on their shoulders, like everything and everyone is dependant on them and it is on them personally to help everyone they find: see raphael and how involved he got with simon and the way he talked about the other vampires/the clan even before he became clan leader, and magnus and Literally Everyone That Came Into His Path; the feelings of monstrosity they both feel due to their downworlder status and their past; the guilt; the self sacrificial/giving til it hurts tendencies; etc), to a few personality traits (similar sense of humor, both natural leaders, both pretty bold in their own ways; they also have many differences in personality but they are quite compatible/similar in other ways as well).... i could go on. i'm not saying they are Literally The Same Character (that'd be bad writing anyway, and there are notable differences such as raphael being way more recluse than magnus, their different moral codes, etc.) but there is a lot in common, which results in a nice dynamic in which:

they have fun with each other (think "because you're totally unbiased"; that was clearly a tease, neither of them were really upset by it, raphael looked at magnus expectantly like he expected magnus to laugh and magnus just glared at him in a clearly playful way)

they care for each other deeply (think every interaction we got between them or that included them talking about each other to a third person lmao i think this one is undeniable)

they trust each other incredibly (think raphael being tortured and going to magnus before he went to his own clan, then staying at his house, he obviously feels comfortable and safe there more than anywhere else including his own supposed home; and i wish we had gotten to see more of raphael taking care of magnus as well but of course the writers always forgot magnus had friends and family beyond shadowhunters lmao, but still, i think it's undeniable that the trust goes both ways because of the sheer difference in the way magnus treated raphael as opposed to other people who came for his help, including downworlders like simon)

they are openly affectionate with each other in a way they aren't with most people (think them hugging or the way magnus casually touched raphael's face like it was perfectly normal. that is like, the only s3 raphael scene i claim lmao)

hmmm where was i going with this. man i should really get checked for ADHD or whatever

RIGHT they built a nice relationship. which magnus craved!!! he really really needed someone he could be affectionate with, someone he could trust, someone he had fun with! and again, it's not that he didn't have that, but it was the first time he was building a relationship like this again from scratch after camille. plus, i'm sure camille pushed him away from his friends because that's what abusers do, and i'm sure magnus also pushed them away to some extent because again, being vulnerable was hard. but with raphael there was no escaping it. like, he was living at magnus' house

and he needed that! and i think raphael and their relationship had such an important catalyst role in magnus' recovery from camille. not that raphael saved him - again, that's not even possible - but the way their relationship was constructed was essential for magnus to start opening up again. without it i really doubt it would have been possible for him to open up to alec, and i think their relationship and history is extremely overlooked and underrated by the fandom

but like... the fact that he was in such a vulnerable emotional state to begin with, plus the fact that their relationship was kickstarted by the fact that raphael needed him, will obviously lead to him thinking that raphael only puts up with him or whatever because he needs him/feels indebted (because magnus knows at this point that raphael is not the kind to use people, but he also knows that raphael already acts like his mere presence in the world is something he has to make up for it's the catholicism so of course he's gonna feel like he needs to make up for magnus for such a huge gesture. anyone who's not an asshole would, but like, particularly raphael). cue magnus like, probably feeling guilty for getting so attached to raphael because he's an idiot

and like of course raphael feels indebted and grateful but he also does genuinely in fact like magnus (for all the reasons listed above) and also like, he did in fact also need more connections, he had just lost all of his previous ones. but most importantly he does care for magnus and loves him immensely even beyond all that magnus did for him. and he does see magnus as a person and knows about his struggles and vulnerabilities because it's impossible not to when you live/have lived together, and he just... cares and empathises

but also raphael obviously thinks he's a burden to magnus because duh, and i don't think magnus ever really told raphael how much taking raphael in helped him, how much it meant to him and his recovery, how he was doing it for himself as much as he was doing it for rapha, because 1- he's scared of being so open and vulnerable; 2- he's scared of making raphael feel even more guilty; 3- he's stupid and i think part of him assumed it went without saying

like he was always so openly affectionate with raphael (maybe even too much in his eyes, maybe he was scared of being too attached, putting too much on his shoulders, it's not this traumatized kid's job to deal with his issues for fuck's sake) and magnus has always worn his heart in his sleeve and he feels everything so deeply i think he sometimes forgets that it's not actually plain for everyone to see and feel. particularly not non-warlocks, since it's kinda implied that warlocks have some level of sensitivity to each other going on. plus raphael is autistic af so he can't tell what magnus is feeling if magnus doesn't fucking say it, and he has a terminally low self esteem that i assume would be even lower by that point (due to, you know... the general shitshow state his life was in), so of course he doesn't assume he's as important to magnus as magnus is to him, particularly not when he is literally burdening him (in raphael's eyes). so he thinks it's obvious but it's Really Not

so we have like a lot of misunderstanding angst with both of them wanting to get closer but thinking they are imposing on the other and pulling away, and both of them taking the other pulling away as a sign that they aren't comfortable and aaaa

so like i think that rapha would mention moving out so he can get out of magnus' hair, and magnus is all crestfallen because he's so not ready to be alone at home again, but he can't be selfish and hold the kid back just because he has shit he needs to deal with, right? it's not fair

and then like lowkey spiralling afraid that after that he's going to be alone again and raphael won't want to see him anymore, or worse, that he'll force himself to out of pity or guilt, and magnus will just be a chore to him

and raphael feeling like magnus wants to get rid of him and will want him out of his hair and aaaaaaaaaaa

and magnus of course is all put together and excited about it, "yes, my boy, don't worry, i'll help you move" and playfully tilting his head and being all excited and getting into chop-chop mode because as long as he can make himself useful he can avoid thinking about how he's gonna be alone again. and rapha of course taking this as magnus being eager for him to leave

and just doijasiodjasoij they're IDIOTS. i think this would be more or less resolved by raphael because at the very least he has to thank magnus for everything he's done and tell magnus that he means so much to him, that he'll always be thankful. and magnus again is all put together, all "it was nothing, my boy" but rapha pulls him into a hug and suddenly they are Not Letting Each Other Go. like it's tight and maybe they're both shaking a little because Badly Repressed Emotions and they're just. so unwilling to let each other go for what they feel like will be forever because they are sad and dramatic. and raphael even wonders for a second if he's like, super strengthing magnus into the hug by accident, but even when he tries to let go magnus doesn't even notice and is still hugging him tight, so he's like. okay. guess i can stay for a little longer then. and keeps hugging him

and lol i have half a mind to be like "and then raphael ends up staying because neither of them actually wants raphael to leave so what's the point" and actually i think i might be going this route for this particular hc. but of course eventually raphael does leave because you know... kids grow up and all daihdsaioj and i think that they still have some things to resolve, particularly from magnus' side? i think raphael is more in touch with him than the other way around, even if mostly we've seen him coming to magnus for help, but like... that trust is there, you know, and we didn't see a lot of the opposite

i know s3 raphael was fake anyway but like i imagine him finding out that magnus lost his magic and he had no idea or that he lost his home and being like "why didn't you ask for my help?? our help??" because you know all his other friends would have wanted to help him out too, and magnus is just. he doesn't want to be a burden. he feels like if he is, he's going to lose anyone. he needs to be there for them

and it's so much bullshit of course and raphael is pissed - not at magnus, he couldn't be mad at him, but just pissed in general. and he draws magnus in for a hug and tells him that he can always come to raphael, whenever he needs, and raphael will drop everything to help him. the clan is doing okay (especially post-valentine and impending doom and all, you know, they can take care of themselves lmao. like look of course raphael is a very involved leader but you get what i mean, they won't die if he goes help magnus with something) and he has second-in-commands he trusts anyway. and he doesn't want magnus to hide his problems for him and not come for his help and aaa

just.... rapha being like "you think i wouldn't do anything i could for you? anything to make sure you're alright?" and magnus being like "you don't have to" and raphael going, "you didn't have to do it for me either. but you did" "you don't owe me anything" "i do, but this is not about that. magnus, you're my family" and magnus tearing up because it is so immense to him to be someone's family, something he almost can't grasp

and magnus slowly learning that no, raphael doesn't need him, but that's not important because he wants magnus in his life anyway. and they can always rely on each other, no matter what, even if they aren't dependant on each other - and that is a good thing :)

#shadowhunters #sh #raphael santiago #magnus bane #brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them #ask #anonymous #meta #raphael santiago meta #magnus bane meta #q #anti cc #anti tsc #anti tmi #long post

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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serious question! how good (or bad) do you think magnus and rapha are with computers and such? imho magnus is very bad but he has magic to cover that and thus has less need for fancy tech; im a bit more conflicted abt rapha bc on one hand i laugh at the idea of old grandpa attitude and not knowing shit, but he does seem like he'd be curious abt shit advancing and changing so he'd try to keep at least a bit aware? thoughts?

ok so i have pretty much the exact opposite opinion. i think magnus can do alright - he's no expert on technology, mind you, but magnus strikes me as the kind of guy who would like to keep up with mundane technology. he's also an inventor, and he's endlessly curious about what these funky lil mundanes are putting together now, especially because they don't have magic so their options are so limited, and yet! they have means of doing almost everything magical ppl do, except for teleporting

plus we've seen him use some of the tech at the institute, and he does seem to know how to navigate that stuff alright. he seemed to be proficient enough with it. and i figure there are lots of warlocks and other ppl who are mixing up technology with magic and making amazing things, which again, i think magnus would be interested in - so yeah, he might not use it as much on his day to day life, but he knows how to use some of the stuff that they use, particularly new and practical things. plus, once you've lived long enough, you've learnt how important it is to keep up with the change of times; his life is a lot easier when he keeps up with the new technology that is being made, and just generally what is going on with culture and whatnot. i also think it helps him a bit with his immortality blues, feeling like he has connections to the world and belongs in it instead of being lost to its workings, you know?

raphael, on the other hand? he's a silent generationer. he's the generation of your grandpa or greatgrandpa depending on how old you are. do you know anyone from that generation who knows how to use a phone? why the hell would raphael be different? because he's a vampire? please

i mean honestly one of the reasons i think he's absolute shit crap with technology is because he wouldn't have had the time. while most modern technology was being invented, he was battling addiction, fighting a war against a genocidal maniac, and trying to deal with camille and his clan. when would he get an iphone? he doesn't need one anyway, he can use magic. or a good old real phone with the little disks that he can twirl or whatever

also, the fact that camille lays the whole old-timey aesthetic in the stupid clan so damn thick doesn't help. i'll be surprised if they even have that kind of phone tbh, although to be fair their lightning system was pretty sick. i know that once raphael becomes clan leader things change a little (read: i decided that it is so because he wants to make the clan a family so he makes the dumort look less like a supervillain's lair and more like a home) but still, he doesn't get phones

plus it's a generational thing imo. like i said, magnus is old enough to know by now that it's easier for him to keep up with the times, but raphael is still not old enough to have gotten this memo and he still kinda believes that this is his era and his generation, which i think is why so many ppl his age are reluctant to learn new technology. like they don't really want to feel like their time is gone, ya feel? also it is challenging as a whole because their generation in particular went from times where new technological inventions were far and in between to a time when there is something completely new being released every five seconds, so that must be hard. but the point is, raphael is at a phase of his immortal life where he doesn't see the need to learn that stuff and might even lowkey refuse to out of spite (because rapha strikes me as a total grandpa tbh, which, i mean - he is. "damn kids and their phones, every time i think i got the hang of it they hit me with some new stuff, and why does that stuff break so much anyway?" simon, patting him on the back: you'll get used to it)

(sidenote: please imagine raphael as the candy crush grandma. you're welcome)

(raphael getting into a skype call and filming his forehead in that funny little position old guys use....... bye)

and then he expects magnus to get it but magnus is like "it's actually quite simple, my boy, you just need to get used to it. now what you need to understand is the nature of the software..." and raphael is horrified because it never occurred to him that magnus is one of Them, but of course he is because when raphael lived with him he was up with their times' technology. shit

and in short yeah that is my take. and over time rapha gets over it and learns the value of keeping up with technology but he is very reluctant and salty about it for a few years/decades

#shadowhunters #sh #magnus bane #raphael santiago #crack #brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them #kinda #ask #some-thrilling-heroics #q

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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About your magnus and rapha (pls i almost wrote rafa) technology ask, i mean magnus did own a smartphone so it does seem like he adapts to new technology pretty well (or it's just the writers being lazy, idk).

Anyway what I'm here to say is rafa definitely owns one of those nokia phones from 1996 because magnus bought it for him then and he refuses to change it because "it does everything i need it to do! Why would i want a huge screen that breaks all the time?" (And maybe because it was a gift from magnus, but he doesn't have to know that)

u wrote rafa anyway ❤️ iconic of u

also oh my god ur so right rapha has one of those Brick Phones™ and hes like "listen... im a vampire... surrounded by fledgelings. i need something unbreakable not these fragile little things" and while like, solid point, it's not like his phone is being constantly thrown against walls or something. he just refuses to get on with the times

but also yes him having an attachment to it because it was a gift from Magnus 🥺 and then magnus gets him a smartphone like "come on, my boy, it's time to admit it would be useful to be in the Clan Leaders Groupchat" rapha is like FINE and he protects his phone With His Life cuz it was a gift from him too ❤️ but he still keeps his nokia and that's basically his private phone that only ppl closest to him have the number of, and if it ever rings he drops everything to go pick it up 🥺

#ask #purple--pen #sh #raphael santiago #brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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any headcanons about mental health / coping strategies for our fav warlocks and vampire? ;) we know quite a lot about magnus in canon but still, never enough lmao; and how about raphael, ragnor and cat? they all been thru a lot, poor babies, and im willing to bet you have thoughts on the matter *sly smirk*

well it depends on what they are coping WITH, u know daoidjsaodij different strategies for different problems and all that. i do think that magnus and raphael in particular have a lot of common coping mechanisms, because they taught each other a lot of shit. i also think there is a lot of stuff that had bothered magnus but he never stopped to think of a solution FOR until he started thinking of what he could do for raphael (and vice versa) because he is that kind of person

like when magnus and raphael are first shopping raphael notices that he likes vests and other stuff like that because of his hyposensitivity to pressure so it feels nice to have something that's like, tight around his torso, you know? so magnus is like great, let's get you lots of vests :)) and then he sees some he likes and tries them on and he's like wait a minute............. i DO like the pressure too....... have i been hyposensitive to pressure this whole time?? (spoiler alert: yes)

then for magnus of course we have drinking which is not his healthiest coping mechanism in any way lmao, but sometimes they do be unhealthy. again i don't think magnus is an alcoholic per se but he does have a suboptimal relationship with the way he turns to it to be able to cope with certain situations he can't escape. i presume this has a bit to do with the fact that he frequently is in stressful (not to mention sensory overloading) situations during parties and other events where you have lots of alcohol, so you know, drinking helps dull his senses and get rid of some of the anxiety. or if he's having a depressive episode, it can also make him more sociable, give him some energy, you know. so i think because it was something that was acceptable for him to use and that helped with many of his problems in social situations he can't escape, if became a coping mechanism (again, an unhealthy one)

healthier coping mechanisms tho! i think magnus also enjoys tea when he needs to calm down. we've seen him drinking tea quite a few times after having flashback episodes and i'm sure it's a coping mechanism to him. helps calm him down and also stay in the present because of the sensations, without overwhelming him because it's not a strong drink, you know? it eases him back into reality. it also can't hurt his insomnia, or, if it's already morning and he's had another insomnia episode, he can drink black tea and have some more energy. so all in all a good helper

magnus definitely stims magically! and uses magic a lot with a lot of his other problems like sensory issues for example. a place is too loud? he can use magic to dull the noises. same for colors, etc., although i think noise might be his biggest problem. and unwanted touch, which we all know magnus canonically hates, so of course there's that too. but also like, stuck in a talk with some boring clave member and he has to stay still even tho adhd mind all over the place? hands behind his back, playing with little sparkles between his fingers that no one can see. pretty much unnoticeable. i think some of his "party tricks" like lighting up the drinks blue and shit come with this purpose. it's just a quick magic letout. also helps a lot to deal with anger or panic, which commonly come very strongly when you have c-ptsd, but he's long learnt to deal with because his survival depends on keeping himself in check and not showing vulnerability a lot of the time

he also stims with his rings which we've seen a bit of. i think this is particularly important to him when it comes to keeping himself in the present, i.e. avoiding flashback episodes, intrusive thoughts and the like

i also think parties work as coping mechanisms in particular with the c-ptsd. sometimes the overstimulation of the ambience is exactly what he needs in order to keep himself from being taken by flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, depressive episodes, etc. like he can lose himself to sensation instead of being locked by his own thoughts, enjoy the company of other people even when he is too cagey or afraid to call his friends and be vulnerable with them, and have a letout for his heightened feelings of fear or insufficiency (caused by c-ptsd) through dancing in particular. it's pretty much canon that magnus uses dancing as a way to cope (see his scene with dot) so i don't see why a party isn't a good place to let out this kind of steam and self express without feeling too vulnerable at the same time

which is not to say that magnus doesn't genuinely enjoy parties, obviously he does. but coping mechanisms are frequently things that we do enjoy, so much so that they bring us comfort and strength when we need. it doesn't mean you only do these things because of your trauma. just that they can help with it

but there is ALSO his friends because look, we all know magnus isn't exactly winning prizes for his ability to ask for help, but the way he talked to alec about suicidal ideation and talking to someone if things get that bad obviously comes from experience, because when things get this bad there is really nothing else that works. and magnus has a lot of trouble with it - probably can only ever really ask for help when things get As Bad As They Possibly Could - but he does know he has a place with his friends when he needs. sometimes he doesn't even really open his mouth - just shows up at ragnor's, or, less commonly, catarina's (because she's busy with her job as a nurse and shit while ragnor does nothing but sit on his ass and be british all day), and ragnor takes a look at him and nods and magics another seat for him and magnus flops down. and ragnor waits to see if magnus is feeling like saying anything but if he's not, they just keep each other company as they do their things and ragnor serves him some tea. and it's nice and it works

as for raphael! definitely stimming all the time as well, and we know he self harms, which i think technically counts as a coping mechanism? coping mechanisms aren't inherently healthy or good djdndi so we have that for sure

and then just like, i think playing with his hands is something he does a lot in particular, like magnus, just keeping his hands behind his back and playing with them, or in his pockets and stuff. i think he "dissociates" a bit sometimes too. like sometimes full on dissociates but other times i think he just goes blank on the outside and inside is like, thinking about rosa or about food or his hyperfixations (astronomy? astronomy) so he doesn't have to be present and deal with whatever's happening. particularly useful with camille, because there are some things he has to do that he just wouldn't stand otherwise

and again canonically magnus, we have seen that. when rapha was tortured he didn't go to his clan, he went straight to magnus'. like yeah, magnus could heal him, but also, rapha stayed. he was still there chilling by the time simon came around. so he definitely goes to magnus when things get rough, and again whether it's to talk or just be with someone it helps a lot. i think raphael is pretty touchy with the people he trusts (book stans go away, yes i know book raphael is too edgy for feelings but i don't care and i'm not talking about him) and canonically so is magnus. and magnus' loft is one of the places he still feels safe to do that, it's his dad's place after all and definitely his home while camille is clan leader/in the first few months or years of him being clan leader

so like they can just cuddle or hug or be under a blanket together or rapha can rest his head on magnus' shoulder, or magnus can rest his on top of rapha's, and it's great. and he can talk about how he feels or be in silence, too

i also think dancing and listening to music are things he does to cope, possibly something he picked up from magnus. like sometimes he doesn't know how to let out steam and putting on a song and aggressively dancing is the only way he can channel feelings he doesnt know what to do with very well otherwise

also i think specifically with his grief over his family and other things he's lost, i think buying things and making little homages works. like making a scrapbook of his pictures with rosa, or the fucking whole ass CAR he literally doesn't need with the "ave rosa" plaque. i feel like raphael rarely buys things for himself unless they remind him of rosa, sunlight, guadalajara, etc., because it just helps with this constant grief he carries for them that he never really addresss lmao im fine

i think his charity work also plays that role. like yes raphael cares about others, of course he does, but he's also a whole ass catholic so i think "good deeds" like charity make him feel like he's just... doing something to ease his own monstrosity. feel more human, less guilty, less grieving. and also get some of the things he misses (like food) and some contact with people outside of the shadow world and also with other latines in general that he misses, you know? it's a relatively safe and familiar space that also helps ease his guilt for abandoning his family and becoming a monster a little bit, and just feel useful and occupied since he has so much time in his hands now and most of it is occupied obeying someone he hates. man, he needs so much therapy

but also like in the future as u know i think that he turns the dumort completely around, starts having plants and animals in the place, just makes it more upbeat and feel more like a family to all the vampires and improve their relations and it does him SO much good. both as a project and just as a ways of providing himself a better, more supportive environment, because the whole sterile thing they have going on fucking sucks. they deserve a lively and nice environment where they feel like a they have a home and i think it does wonders for EVERYONE'S mental health, particularly rapha's. and then of course cooking/taki's, and his partners join his support network too :)

as for cat, i think she throws herself into work to forget about her problems, feel useful, and just, cope. nurses work long hours and she seems to work particularly hard and i think this serves her the purpose of keeping her mind occupied from her issues. i also think it helps her feel more grounded/connected with the world, aka deal with the immortality angst. which sounds kinda paradoxal cuz she's probably watching ppl die with some kind of frequency, but like... she's also keeping in touch with new ppl, with discoveries in the medical field, she always has something to work on. it helps her feel like she is still a meaningful part of the world, instead of lost in time. and to give herself purpose too

but it's also not always healthy like when you are overworking yourself as an avoidance mechanism.... thats gonna get to u eventually. and cat needs a break and care as much as everyone else. i think again magnus and ragnor serve important roles in that sense, just people she can go to. remember the way cat showed up at magnus' and magnus was immediately massaging her shoulders? we stan

so they definitely take care of her in that sense. she also seemed pretty comfortable at lorenzo's party despite it all, so i think she also enjoys parties from time to time, although not as loud and clubby as, say, pandemonium. but cocktail parties or just a party at someone's house where she gets to dance and unwind and gossip with her friends a little bit? nice. i think cat is very sociable and misses not having ppl around which is also partially why she likes being a nurse - you get to know ppl pretty well in that job - but she also obviously needs lighter environments and she does well with groups of ppl even if she isn't a party animal the same way magnus is

and generally i think she enjoys anything sensorially pleasant like... drawing herself a bath, candles, going to get a massage from an actual professional every once in a while... i bet her house is full of incenses and always has some music playing (can be soft or can be upbeat, depends on her mood) but just generally the more pleasant sensations the better. food too

ohhh i bet she gardens!! it's so great to put her mind to rest after such an exhausting work and again the connection you feel to plants is very real. it's also nice because many plants live for a very long time (unlike most pets) so she can have them around and form long lasting relationships with them, you know? also, gardening is always useful for a warlock

and hhh ok i think i don't have any thoughts for ragnor? we know very little about him and I'm not sure what to make of him mental health-wise. also im tired and this is long, so jdbdidn maybe ill add more stuff if i feel inspired

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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Magnus slowly starting to feel sure enough of himself and his role in his relationship with Alec that he just starts touching him whenever he wants??? Initiating intimacy?? And he’s rewarded with so much encouragement and reassuring that he decides he’s gonna try it out on his friends (obvs with consent we know what kind of man Magnus is in this house) and it all ends with him never having to feel touch starved or deprived ever again because it’s what he deserves. Just, his family and his husband all loving on him just the way he needs when he ASKS for it!!! Because he gets to do that now!!! And it feels safe, and so fulfilling!! And he’s so happy!!!!

yessssssss anon you get it!!

i feel like with his friends it's less that magnus doesn't initiate intimacy (he seems to be pretty touchy-feely with his friends, like the way he started massaging cat's shoulders without prompting, the hugs with raphael, the way he casually touched his face and whatnot) and more that he just... struggles to ask for help from his friends, you know? like "i want company" and stuff like that without an "excuse"

(also the fact that usually when he initiates touching with them it seems to be something that HE does for THEM, like the massage which is kind of a touch that will always be welcomed, you know? like he's putting this in his "acts of service" list. which i know i've already talked about at some point but anyway)

and it really breaks my heart because the thing is that i feel like they'd be pretty open to touch?? i mean not ragnor because he's british, but catarina, raphael, and dot definitely have these vibes. i know ppl don't usually hc raphael as the open-to-touch type, but i disagree. i think he's guarded and won't let just anyone touch him, especially when he's been burned too many times before, but he was obviously comfortable with magnus touching him in their scenes together, and even with izzy he was pretty open to touch

also there's the cultural factor which like... obviously latinos that aren't a fan of touch exist, but the thing is that when you are raised in an environment where the standard greeting for strangers is a kiss on the cheek (or two or three, depending on the region) the way you see touch and touching is not gonna be the same as the way someone raised in an environment where that is considered super intimate might see it. i've said before and i'll say it again, an emotionally constipated latino is just a slightly warmer than average gringo (that's a joke but it's also kinda true)

and just generally i think that raphael is as touch starved as magnus tbh, especially because again, he is USED to a lot more touch than he gets right now. i think the combination of him being seen as overly touchy and probably getting nasty hate for it when he immigrated + being hypersexualized and hating every minute of it as a sex repulsed person (not that being hypersexualized is ever nice but when you're a latino man every last thing you do is going to be seen as "coming unto" someone and when you want to avoid these connotations like the plague that's particularly bad) + so many flavors of trauma made him avoid touch and like... he needs it

which is why i think magnus might be always hugging him and touching his face and stuff, because he KNOWS, and he knows raphael won't ask for it (like father like son part infinity) so he keeps doing it to make raphael happy. which circles back to that thing i said about how it's something he does for OTHERS, almost like an act of service, not for himself. :(

or when he really needs touching he turns it into a massage or whatever so he feels like he's "allowed" to. not consciously i don't think, but it's still a thing that he seems to do

and anyway... magnus slowly growing more confident? gorgeous! perfect! fantastic! starting off with just asking (like "can you hug me?" and i have really specific images in my head of his cathartic moment where he does that and gets a hug and he's just like "tighter" and gets to be hugged like they never want to let him go and aaa) and then eventually just initiating it himself hhhh

and all the possibilities like! immortal squad cuddle pile! spooning with rapha, cat, and madzie after a tiring day! watching movies together and resting his head on dot's shoulder! laying on raphael's lap and letting him play with his hair! nonchalantly climbing on alec's lap and koala-ing the shit out of him during breakfast! the possibilities are endless and it's what he deserves and gOD he's so happy and feels so blessed that this has stopped being so difficult for him and he's loved and understood like this by his family and aaa <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

#ask #anonymous #sh #magnus bane #raphael santiago #malec #brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them #brotp: comfortable shoes #immortal squad

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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Tw abuse, drug addiction, mentions of Shadowhunter racism, sexual abuse and all Camille related shittiness. (1) Right so how do we feel about Camille using yin fen to further manipulate Magnus and make him stay? I mean obviously Camille’s not the only vampire in the world but I’m sure Camille would convince him to stay with her and only get yin fen from her and the ways she could further manipulate and abuse him is....ouch. -

She could just up and leave suddenly and leave Magnus in withdrawal with no idea when she’ll be back, making it seem like it’s his fault she left and furthering Magnus belief that he needs her. When she comes back she calls Magnus pathetic, ‘I mean she was only gone a few days and he’s already like this, this is why no one loves you Magnus your just a pathetic waste of space’ and that goes on for a while, I’m not really sure what the breaking point would be or if cat and ragnor get him out of there, but either way he gets out and there’s lots of ups and downs and relapses and it’s painful, he has his family but he’s barley holding on and then introduce Raphael! Cause I love him and need to include some Raphael Magnus bonding any chance I get. When Raphael moves in and is struggling with his addiction Magnus tries to help the best he can but always keeping his walls up so he won’t seem weak and helpless like he feels he is but things happen insert some dramatic plot and tears and Magnus tells him about his addiction and how he understands how hard it is so Raphael can feel better cause Magnus is always helping other people at the cost of himself, is it healthy? No. But will that stop him? Also no. And cue angsty dialogue where Raphael says it’s not the same cause he hurts people with da fangs and Magnus doesn’t, like the whole aggressor vampire bloodsucking stereotype that I’m sure Shadowhunters love to use to their advantage and you’re a much better writer than me but emotions and bonding and lots and lots of angst. Djkajsjssf yeah you get it -ya boy( yeah that’s the name I’m using so you know it’s me cause I’m extremely creative )

love the name! sorry it took me so long to answer, i've been busy and i wanted to give this all the thought it deserves cuz u know me and camille angst and aaaa

i usually don't tie yin fen in with the abuse, i've seen that hc before but i don't commonly go with it (not for any reason in particular tbh except maybe that i usually use camille's abuse as a way to project my own abusers and since i never had any experience with that i don't include it in my hcs), but i do think the potential is great! (well, in an evil way, but you get it)

the whole thing about withdrawal is great because by that logic when she withdraws affection she is also withdrawing the venom so it's a double withdrawal he's experiencing and it's hard for him to differentiate between the two things, so it just ends up seeming like being without camille is even worse. and like addiction is a result of biopsychosocial factors so the fact that he became addicted in the first place indicates that he had been in a fragile state; and camille leaving plays into that fragile state, making his need for the yin fen greater, and then she isn't there to give it to him, so again it just feels like being without camille is the worst thing in the world and he just doesn't want to upset her so she doesn't leave him alone in this hell again

and then of course when she's back magnus is in a terrible state and she immediately uses it against him, saying that this is exactly why she needed some time, she can't ever be away from him, he is so needy and dependant and needs her all the time and he's smothering her, can't he see that she's exhausted? she can't live to take care of him all the time and he's just so selfish and tiring and this is why everyone but her left him

then you know... kicking him and kissing it better, saying, "look at you, what a terrible shape you are in, i don't know what you'd do without me", playing the good cop and further drilling into him that he needs her you know

and certainly magnus could get the venom from someone else but it puts him in a way too vulnerable position in front of strangers, risks other people finding out (i'm sure magnus wouldn't want people to know about his addiction just like they don't want to know about his abuse; it's ridiculous, it's pathetic and it's all his fault and he should have known better in his head obviously i'm not saying it's true but also just because it's one more thing shadowhunters and other people can use against him), and probably risks getting her mad. which is weird because she bites other people all the time, but then again, what does he want her to do, not feed herself? only drink from him? and he knows it's difficult to stop so why is he judging her for something she can't control?

but if it were the other way around she would lose it, call him a cheater and say that she doesn't deserve this, that she's done everything for him and this is how he repays her, whoring himself out for anyone else. it was supposed to be their thing, something they did for pleasure and for fun, and he had to go and become a fucking junkie, didn't he?

then later she comes back and apologizes, says she was mad but she had the right to with that he had done, and besides, she's really just worried about him, doesn't he know other people would use that to manipulate him, put him in danger? she's just looking out for him. and repeat

i'm also not sure what the breaking point would be but i think it would probably require some interventions from ragnor and cat, plus eventually these things boil. magnus is in a vulnerable position, yes, but he is still smart and he is a free spirit and he doesn't like being held down and treated like a toy and abandoned; he craves people and he craves affection and he can see how he's spiralling out of control, and i think for the longest time what keeps him tied to camille isn't love but guilt. this sense that he owes her because she saved him in the bridge, and it isn't fair of him to just break up with her. but eventually enough is enough, and plus, camille is not just an ass to him. he sees the way she treats other people, turn mundanes and then leave them to rot, and is generally a terrible clan leader. and i don't think magnus would ever want to be with someone who is openly vile and hurting others like that. he just can't live with it, magnus already has enough guilt from associating with terrible people and he cares so fucking much about others he could bleed to death from it. so eventually it's too much

don't get me wrong, he also does it for himself, and honestly i wish it was more for himself, but i do think the fact that camille is a terrible person plays an important part in him leaving her because enough is enough

about rapha!!!! you know i'm a fucking sucker for magnus and rapha angst and bonding so you've come to the right place, love of my life. i do like the idea of magnus being able to talk to raphael about it, say that he understands perfectly what he's going through. it's also interesting because they are on "opposite sides" of the addiction, and with magnus he had been in an abusive relationship that got him hooked to it, but like, it's still the same thing at the end of the day, you know?

and magnus is just like, raphael, this isn't your fault. trust me, i know what a person doing this to someone on purpose looks like. and it's a complicated thing ofc because rapha is a guilt junkie so of course the idea that he could be even remotely similar to camille eats at him, but at the same time he just... could never and magnus points that out to him, that his disgust at the idea is more than enough proof that this is not the kind of person he is

and slowly magnus helps him through his own recovery because magnus understands exactly what this is like, and he knows all the ups and downs. he knows downworlder support groups dedicated to that, he knows other people who have gone through it, he knows the importance of a support network and makes sure to give it to rapha not just in the form of himself (because no one can be a person's single source of support, it's impossible to take this much responsibility) but also by introducing him to other people like cat and ragnor and other cool vampires magnus knows. and encouraging him to eat more from blood bags because i bet rapha is the kind of person who refuses to because he feels disgusting and magnus is the one who tells him that if he adds hunger on top of withdrawal it's just going to make him feel like he needs the blood even more. so eventually raphael relents and starts eating properly

and at the same time raphael helping give magnus some closure because i think part of him still feels a bit like he was ungrateful towards camille and rapha is just adamant that that was Not the case, and camille wasn't addicted to his blood, she was using him and that's different. and just aaa raphael being the first person magnus opens up to about this that didn't already know him by the time camille rolled around, and them both helping each other and getting closure and being a support network without trying to "fix" the other, just giving options, listening, being there. ugh i love their relationship so mUCH

#sh #shadowhunters #magnus bane #raphael santiago #camille belcourt is an abuser #addiction tw #abuse tw #drugs tw #brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them #camille's trash party #long post #ask #anonymous #camille angst anon #q

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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Crack au where there's a yearbook for all the leaders in the shadow world with funny nominations. This is stupid sorry.

listen to me. you listen to me. i LOVE stupid asks. altho i dont think any asks are stupid i love everything yall send me but like! silly/crack asks are more than encouraged. i literally live for this shit

ok this is cracky so dont take it too seriously ok thnx

also i really want to hear ur thoughts on the nominations, but here's what i have so far:

Raphael wins "most beautiful smile" because 1- its true; 2- half the downworld council is dating him and the other half includes his dad, and they all love and cherish his smile, especially as it's so rare. raphael and alec both voted for magnus, so hes a close second

"Council supermodel" or whatever they jokingly call the Most Beautiful Leader prize is an ultimate tie because magnus and alec voted for each other, raphael voted for maia, maia voted for meliorn, and meliorn voted for raphael. later they jokingly ask simon to make the final vote and he gets nervous because HOW is he supposed to choose between his 3 perfect partners so he just blurts out "alec" in nervousness. ever since it's polycule canon that alec won council supermodel and they joke about it when they want to make simon Really Flustered

(raphael is also like wtf meliorn u should have voted for maia i dont even want to be Council Supermodel anyway. meliorn is like 1- thats exactly why; 2- i figured this was going to happen so making it a super tie was really funny. raphael has to stop a smile because hes a simp for meliorn's mischief even when hes on the receiving end, goddamn it)

(maia is the winner in his heart tho, but he goes by "alec won" to tease simon cuz priorities)

Fashionista or whatever is a tie between magnus and meliorn because facts only, and also alec and meliorn voted for magnus, maia and magnus voted for meliorn, and raphael voted for alec as a joke because bitch really is allergic to anything thats not a black t-shirt

can u tell that i have no idea how yearbooks work? i dont understand gringo traditions

Raphael Is Very Tired Prize For Disgusting Allo Shit, aka "most likely to make out during a council session" goes to magnus and alec because of course it does

HAD TO LOOK UP YEARBOOK MOST LIKELY QUOTES AND FOUND OUT THERE IS A "TALLEST/SHORTEST" PRIZE RAPHAEL IS SO FUCKING PISSED WHEN HE GETS THE SHORTEST PRIZE DJDNDJDNDIDNDIDNDIDNDI EVERYONE IS FORCED TO HEAR THE "IN MÉXICO I WAS THE TALLEST" SPEECH FOR TWO AND A HALF HOURS. then raphael hands alec his "tallest" prize like "here have the Unnecessarily Big Giant For Inhuman Looking Motherfuckers prize"

best dancer goes to magnus. no-brainer

"most loved by parents" goes to raphael for OBVIOUS reasons and magnus gives him a kiss on the forehead and everyone makes fun of him and hes like "how is this my life" (he doesnt mind one bit)

found out that theres a "fearless" prize that some site also called "pack leader award" (??) so of course traditionally the pack leader takes this one, so maia takes it

magnus wins "everyone's father" because of course it does. also "most likely to start a charity" and "most likely to invent the next groundbreaking technology/spell" for the 100th year in a row

yo yearbook prizes are actually rlly boring tf

"coffeepot's best friend" goes to alec because hes the only one who can stand institute coffee anyway

i give up on looking it up back to making up prizes. "most likely to roll their eyes so hard they see their own brain" goes to alec

"most likely to make a stranger on the street fall in love" goes to maia "5 partners and counting" roberts. also "best hair"

"most likely to show up to the meeting in a clown wig" goes to raphael because hes a dramatic bitch like that. magnus votes against him once and he shows up next week in a full clown outfit saying he cant believe he was betrayed like that

"stubborn ass award for that one mf who just wont quit" is a tie between alec, magnus, and raphael

greatest prankster goes to meliorn

Voice Of Reason Award goes to maia. Greatest Giver Of Amazing Advice That Is Thoroughly Ignored goes to meliorn (raphael votes for himself on this one and is booed by all)

Owner Of Gender prize goes to magnus because hes so gender ugh. meliorn is just like "i still dont understand what that is" and almost wins anyway

Juggling Queen goes to maia for being pack leader, restaurant owner, university student, and girlfriend of 5 all at the same time. also "most likely to succeed (even more)" because obviously they have all succeeded but maia is something else

Most Iconic Exchange goes to "because you're so unbiased" and magnus is salty about it for years to come

ok thats all i have give me other ideas because this seems like a rlly fun thing to explore rifndi

#shadowhunters #crack #sh #sh crack #magnus bane #alec lightwood #raphael santiago #maia roberts #meliorn #malec #The Polycule™#saiaphaeliorn #raphaeliorn #maiaphael #mailiorn #ask #anonymous #overflowing trashcan #brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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FUCK THE THING W/ RAPHAEL HOLDING MAGNUS DOWN HURTS ME like im not about to villainize him but just imagining the physicality of that of him being physically held back if that makes sense? and specifically if i remember correctly his hands being held tight with vampire strength so he can't just blast them away, and all by someone he TRUSTS? OOF. i feel like there's room for Camille angst here too (not to compare Raph to her at ALL but like, potentially an accidental trigger) and im just sad, basically. (Full disclosure tho I remember literally no context for that scene i just remember making a mental note of potential Magnus angst and then my brain shook the metaphorical etch a sketch, so idk why raphael did that but I doubt it was his fault bc I love him and he is Good. Especially if his goal was killing Clary, which is valid. Maiaphael team up to kill Clace when?)

lmao ur so valid. i probably forget a few details but the gist of that scene is that valentine was trying to use the soul sword to begin his big genocide, and he needed someone with pure angel blood (which at the time they knew clary was) to activate it. and then clary just strolled into the institute like nobody's business so rapha (and maia and others) tried to kill her, cuz if she's dead then the soul sword can't be activated and millions of lives are saved. easy peasy

but they had their dumbass plan where jace would disguise as clary to infiltrate the institute, which let me tell you, makes no fucking sense. like they knew that if jace touched the sword itd be destroyed and hed die but their plan wasnt that. so they basically sent in someone who could not steal the sword away or do anything that involved touching it, instead of like? someone else? who could steal it and perhaps use it to kill valentine instead? they could have glamoured anyone they wanted to go in there but why have logic i fucking guess

anyway so magnus was escorting "clary" and rapha jumped in and one of the vampires held back magnus' hands so he couldn't use magic to protect her, and then the plan was for rapha to kill her and done. but then they told the vampires about their stupid dumbass nonsense plan and rapha for some reason was like "wow okay yeah this sounds brilliant" and agreed to let them proceed basically (i think rapha had his doubts if im not mistaken but still decided that it was a better shot than having to murder someone y'know. plus i mean killing jace-disguised-as-clary wouldn't serve any purpose. but either way they agreed to jump in after they had succeeded with the distraction, so)

so yeah anyway that's why rapha held back magnus, and like he was right lmao like ok turned out that they had a plan but rapha didn't know and if i were rapha i would have done the same thing if i just saw clary waltzing into the institute in that situation lol. in short rapha did nothing wrong, but ur right, that is good angst potential. for both of them too because i know that rapha wasn't thrilled about killing someone and even less thrilled about having to go against magnus to do it. and i think a part of him also felt betrayed that magnus was just enabling clary to go into the institute cuz like what the fuck??? but of course magnus wouldn't lol

and then yeah being held back by a vampire and feeling helpless and having someone he trusts be responsible for it even if of course magnus understands where he's coming from is... oof. lots of triggers and bad memories there. and just generally it's an awful situation for them both and idk how to elaborate further but i bet it was just pretty traumatic for them both even if it was short lived and nothing drastic happened. and id have liked to see them talking about it and perhaps comforting each other and apologizing even if it was neither of them's fault, but alas

#sh #magnus bane #raphael santiago #brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them #ask #anonymous

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normal-thoughts-official · 4 years

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the cutest magnus & rapha cuddles, by the amazing @hongbeanmochi. support her on ko fi, yall!!!!

#image described using tumblr's description tool #sh #shadowhunters #sh art #magnus bane #raphael santiago #magnus & raphael #raphael & magnus #brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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Ok so Camille’s an asshole on that we can all agree, but I’m really tired of people in the fandom acting like she’s just your typical annoying ex and she makes poor uwu Alec feel insecure cause fuck that. Camille was 100% abusive and manipulative but I also think she was sexually abusive too I mean seeing what she did to Simon and kissing Magnus without his consent even though he was clearly uncomfortable, consent doesn’t really seem to be an issue for her-

I feel like she definitely manipulated his fear of loneliness and not being good enough, to suit her needs. Like Magnus isn’t in the mood for sex or it’s especially triggering on a certain day, either way he’s not up for it but Camille makes him do it anyway. She threatens to leave or go find someone else who can fulfill her needs or take care of her when Magnus won’t, ‘I mean does he even love her when he won’t do this one simple thing for her?’

So he just lets her do what she wants, even if he’s having a full blown panic attack Camille doesn’t care or she’ll just leave insulting him saying she can’t deal with this right now and leaving Magnus with no idea when or if she’ll be back. So the next time she asks he hesitates less or initiates it more even when he’s not in the mood so she won’t leave and yeah I have a lot of emotions relating to this. and now I’m thinking about how it’ll affect his future relationships, not even talking about Alec but other people - I have this headcanon where when he got away from Camille and is healing, him ragnor and Catarina live together in ragnors cottage or somewhere away from people for awhile so Magnus can slowly heal and focus on himself and unlearn Camille’s abuse with the help of his family

But despite what this fandom says Magnus has always been a helper and a selfless person to the point of self destruction. He’s unable to prioritise his own health and he wouldn’t be able to slow down and feel the full force of the abuse he experienced cause he feels like he’ll fall apart if he does and ‘no one wants a pathetic crybaby who breaks down when someone moves their hand too fast in his direction it wasn’t even that bad he’s just exaggerating like he always does this is why Camille doesn’t love him back’ (the ‘’ parts were meant to be strikethrough to signify Magnus’ inner thoughts but that doesn’t work on asks)

And he’s scared to get in another relationship cause he doesn’t think he’d be able to speak up for himself if they turned violent or controlling, he’s scared that if they did he’d just let them so he closes himself off from people puts these walls around him and a bright smile on his face that doesn’t let anyone think there’s anything wrong. And theres so much pain going on in the world ‘they have it much worse than him anyway’ and Magnus tries to help the best he can as he always does and he’s always there for people to lean on without any reciprocation and he’s so emotionally and physically tired and he’s not sure how much longer he can take it, almost considers going back to blackfairs bridge ‘really he’d be doing the world a favour’ but theres too many bad memories and he promised his family he would try so he holds on and then he finds Raphael and that obviously doesn’t fix everything but- I was going to continue this but it’s two am in my country and honesty it’s too long already😅 sorry for the rant it’s just a lot of emotions. Im so tired of the ‘Camille’s an annoying ex who keeps getting in the way of my favourite gay ship😠’ metas and needed to let out some feelings before I explode from my hate for Camille

UGH ANON HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE NOT ONLY A GENIUS BUT ALSO MY NEW BEST FRIEND, AN INTELLECTUAL, AND COMPLETELY RIGHT. YOU ARE SO CORRECT!!! idk if uve read my other post that i posted while i was waiting for you but we no longer have the same hat we are SHARING the hat!! i can't believe i got this ask right after i had just made that long ass rant and was in so much need to talk about this like ugh are you my guardian angel. i love you more than anyone else ive ever met

ok ok ok coherent thoughts ok i can do this. first of all THE SALT how does it feel to have vision and coherency. ppl writing camille as just an annoying ex or a bad ex or even as like "oh they both made mistakes and it ended up terrible" drives me UP THE WALL. camille was explicitly abusive, so much so that magnus CANONICALLY WAS UNABLE TO ALLOW PEOPLE TO GET CLOSE TO HIM FOR ALMOST A CENTURY. and she was shown to be abusive, both in the physical sense as you have reminded us so brilliantly and in the sense that her whole "choose me" speech? like she doesn't have to literally say the words "no one but me would ever love you" for that to be exactly what she's saying. she's obviously playing with his insecurities and putting him down while presenting her as his savior, it's CLASSIC ABUSE. she was written as such a perfect to-the-book abuser that it honestly shocks me like they did that really all they ticked all the boxes. the way she immediately launched to talk about alec's mortality too, the way she was obviously trying to make them fight and draw them apart - it wasn't a jealousy thing, it is just that she's abusive and she wants him isolated so she can toy with him and manipulate him

EVEN SALTIER WHEN THEY MAKE IT ABOUT ALEC BEING INSECURE LIKE. especially because canonically he literally watched camille kiss magnus and didn't care, which was sexy of him because i was dreading some jealousy drama or something but instead he was just like. obviously she did it to hurt you. i only care in the sense that she's a fucking bitch. we stan!

as for how she treated him! oof i think the same thing with the same words dioajdsaoij it always circled back to "why can't you do this for me?" in and outside of sex - i mentioned that in a conversation in the comments of my other post but i think that with camille the sexual abuse was really just an extension of the regular abuse, so they bleed together and are not really separable in that sense. at every turn, he had to prove his worth, and she used his fear of loneliness both in the sense that she amplified it and made it seem like the only way to not be lonely was to be with her, and that she gave him just enough for him not to feel desperately lonely so she could string him along. not to mention, they both always go back to how magnus supposedly "owes" her, and yes, it's because of the bridge, of course, but there's also that underlying tone of "because she put up with him and gave him affection when no one else would". even when what she did was nowhere close to real affection. so it's both the bridge and the after. she could have saved him and left, but she stayed. that's why he feels he owes her, and she will absolutely use it

AND UR SO RIGHT ABOUT MAGNUS BEING UNABLE TO PRIORITIZE HIS OWN HEALTH UGH UGH UGH UGH like he has no choice for a while because she left him fucking broken and seeing the way she treats him and the amount of shit he puts up with i can only imagine how far she had to go for him to reach a breaking point and leave her for real. but as soon as he could pretend to have himself together he just threw himself out there. and i believe that he felt guilty for having catarina and ragnor take care of him when he abandoned them because of camille - obviously that's not what happened, she manipulated him into staying away from them, made his life hell whenever he wanted to hang out with them until he no longer had the energy to put up a fight to keep in contact with the people he loves, but it's what he feels that happened, and most likely what camille herself eventually started to tell him happened once they had been pulled away enough. ("you're gonna leave me? and go back to who? your little friends who tried to pit you against me from day one? they're just gonna say 'i told you so', magnus. and why would they take you back when you left them before? when was the last time you even saw them? you chose this, you chose me, and now you're gonna come back to them and expect them to welcome you with open arms? you selfish little prick")

AND RAPHAEL!!! raphael was so important, honestly, we say that magnus didn't let anyone into his heart but obviously raphael was the exception and EXTREMELY important for his healing. it's a complicated relationship because he's sort of a father figure for rapha, and as such, he doesn't allow himself to be completely vulnerable around him, because that's not "his role". but! he was the first person whom magnus let in. and they obviously know each other deeply ("i hate to see you like this" even though magnus looked completely put together to the outside eye) and are plenty affectionate ("sweet boy", the hugs, the way rapha talked about magnus with so much love and awe in his eyes and voice) and trusting (the way raphael went to magnus' loft, not his own damn clan, when he was tortured...). i know this fandom likes to pretend that they pretend to hate each other but NO THEY DON'T they are openly caring and loving with each other fucking fight me on this

anyway, my point is that raphael was the first person he allowed himself to trust, and of course, part of that is simply because raphael was vulnerable and in need and like you said he can't just stay still when he sees someone struggling. but to care for raphael eventually had to mean to open up to him and when he welcomed raphael in, he gained a new member to his family. raphael is his kid. that's no small thing. their bond goes deep and it's extremely important because again, after camille magnus wouldn't allow people to get close to his heart, because he was scared of how they could use that against him. raphael was his first, and the only reason magnus was able to open himself up for romantic love again (which was an extra step, not because romantic love is more important or deeper, but because it's specifically the kind of love that camille used against him, and thus it makes him even more scared) was because he had already been relearning trust and platonic love with rapha

rapha did him good!!! there's a reason he calls him "sweet boy" okay. and rapha cares about him and he NOTICES WHEN HE'S IN A BAD SHAPE EVEN THROUGH ALL OF MAGNUS' WALLS and he specifically didn't want magnus involved with the camille drama even when it had obviously gotten out of hand because he wanted to keep him safe and away from her!!! i want to be shot in the face!!! they love each other so much! fuck!

and also that implies that raphael knows about camille which means he might be the first person who met magnus post-camille and heard the story, which means that he might be (and probably is) the first person who was never involved that magnus opened up about this to. if that ain't some powerful and important shit i don't know what is. because part of abuse is that you can't talk about it - there's this sense of shame and guilt both from staying and from not staying more, especially because magnus canonically still feels like he owes her... aaaaa

this answer is all over the place im sorry but my point is you are correct, camille is a textbook abuser not just a shitty ex, she fucked up his head and made him unable to open up for a long time, and the first person that helped him break those walls was raphael and they LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH AND DEEPLY thank you for your attention

#magnus bane #shadowhunters #sh #meta #magnus bane meta #camille belcourt is an abuser #long post #ask #anonymous #camille's trash party #brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them

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