#brynn & bennie tag tbt.

[esperhood]

@purrrfume : "I promise I didn't mean to lie to you back there." Back where? On Amuse Street of course, when Bennie and Brynn first saw each other again. It'd been so long since Bennie last saw Brynn, then to realize she was working with the Esper Union, to find out Sieg was missing too. It was a lot to take on at once.

"The shadow decree were threatening my people and I just-" She could have reached out to Brynn for help. Could have explained that the Shadow Decree was threatening the shop, the entire street, the Moon Eyes, her family. She could have asked for help! But she didn't she bit her tongue and held it back. Because it was her fight and she didn't want to bring Brynn into her trouble. Especially not after finding out Brynn was having their own trouble. What kind of friend would do that? A better friend then one that lied and fought against the person they cared for most. 

"I didn't want to..." Burden Brynn. Hold her to the ground when she was meant to fly above. "It's all my fault. I'm so sorry. If I'd told you what I knew sooner you wouldn't have ended up in the hospital. You're so cool you probably would have saved Sieg so much sooner if I'd just helped. Instead I-" ruined it. Messed everything up, got Brynn hurt, put Sieg in danger, got members of her gang killed. There were no real words to describe how thoroughly she'd messed up. All she could do was apologize again and again and again. Then hope that she'll be forgiven even if it feels undeserved. "I... I'm sorry, Brynn."

She’s in a lot of pain — and has been hearing a lot of apologies.  She thinks, tired but not of Bennie, that it’s a wonder she remembers any of them.  Sieg had been a wreck in his guilt, nearly inconsolable due to the pain he’d inflicted on his family.  Q apologized for being unable to help at the end.  Drew for nearly losing her, a look in his eyes that made Brynn feel less like he was seeing them and more like he was seeing a buried family.  The memories are fuzzy, hazy due to a combination of pain and the impressive number of painkillers they’re pumping into her to combat it, but they’re still there.

Bennie’s is different, as Bennie is always different.  Sieg, Q, Drew — they’re all hurting, flawed as anyone.  But they’re not prone to self - hatred they way Berenice is.  Not even Sieg, and they both ———

Brynn wonders how it is he keeps finding himself besides people who believe he saved them, as if Sieg and Bennie both didn’t save Brynn, too.

Their hand shakes when it rests over hers — less due to pain and more due to the focus it requires to move her hand and what the fuck is in these painkillers — but Brynn smiles, sleep but sincere.

“I know you didn’t,” Brynn says, instead of addressing the apology.  “You never — want anybody to get hurt.  You just want to protect everyone, n - no matter what it costs you.  You’re so...so freakin’ cool, Bennie.”  The other Esper’s face goes more stricken, and Brynn’s smile smears in response.  It’s hard to know if she’s saying the right things, high as she is.

He tries again.  “When I — met Sieg, we were both...really hurt.  And I thought I didn’t need anybody, and so did he, but we needed each other.  And we had to learn how to — ask for help.  It’s hard.  It took a long time.”  She squeezes their hand.  She smiles.  “You’re learning, too.  It’s okay if it takes a long time.  I’d wait for you....forever, for sure.”