#but I *was* just kind of nebulously weepy on and off for days. weeks? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cesium-sheep · 5 months

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we already talked about it in september and it was an option then for him and the cats and I to stay here for a while while she ran out ahead with a cheap furnished studio. there is no reason that can't be an option in march if it needs to be. I probably won't really be medically stable enough to move and start all over again by june anyway.

I'm very sad and it's all very hard and all I can do is sit here and watch and try to steer her right even though she can't hear me. I just wanna get to be together with my partners and not have to move all the fucking time. that's all I want out of this. (and access to doctors who won't actively make me worse I guess.) but she has Career Aspirations that we're supposed to facilitate however we can, that might put the two of them in different places again.

#I might. also be sad just because I'm sick.#it might be that I am not in pain because it chose to slam the 'sad' button instead.#since I was literally not thinking about this problem at all until this evening when he got upset.#but I *was* just kind of nebulously weepy on and off for days. weeks?#so it might've just accidentally been given something to latch onto is all #rather than actually being this upset about it.#they both care about me and want me to be somewhere I feel safe and cared for.#we are allowing her to chase her aspirations and make her own decision #she has demonstrated a willingness to let us make our own decisions for our own well-being too.#she can run out ahead and throw herself into work and look around for places to live so we don't have to blind move #and he and I and the cats can follow along at a more measured pace when we're ready.#that will work better for everyone including her.#I also didn't really get to spend time with either of them this week due to work and illness and such #which is probably closer to actually bothering me #and also solvable #I did text them to say I want to spend time with them this weekend. :T #(they're both asleep)#(but if I text them I don't have to remember)

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