#but I don't regret my decisions teehee

[melonn-soda]

WIP..?

idk I've just been thinking about bna (brand new animal) for a bit and Shirou's been on my mind hehe. I'm only on ep 10 but holy schmoly he's gonna make me act up

also I'm so sorry kinktober prompts are gonna be super delayed because my internet is being fucky and I accidentally deleted the google doc that had ALL MY WRITING. so, I'm currently rewriting, hehe.. ha.......

dunno if I wanna make this a full fledged fic or smth but here's a little snack for u guys while u wait :3 (it's rlly short, no smut.. yet)

the door to the house was opened briskly, welcoming the two other current inhabitants with a warming glow of the lamplight that sat on the coffee table. rain dripped and splattered all over the streets and roofs of animacity, soaking the cement and the fur of the now quiet town. shirou and michiru fell victim to the uncomfortable clinging of water and clothes, shaking off any heavy amounts of rain that stuck to them the second their shoes touched the floor mat.

towels were on the ready for them, sitting on a little table to the right of the door, the father and daughter-like duo using them to soak up a majority of the rain. shirou sniffed the towel slightly and was shocked at how much the towel smelled like... cat. ‘there was no way he was already here.. was he?’ shirou thought to himself, pressing his nose further into the soaked fabric.

“man, i can’t believe it was going to rain that much!” michiru complained, shaking up her fur with the towel from how hard she was drying herself, “if i had known, i wouldn’t even have bothered coming out today..” her voice now fell into a near whisper, setting her towel in her room as the two of them walked up the stairs.

“if a little rain is going to bother you, then you might as well not come with me for missions at all.” shirou bit back playfully, setting his towel on a coat rack, opening the door to his room before promptly getting knocked over by a larger weight. he landed on his back with a heavy thud, feeling arms wrap around his neck affectionately and a face burying itself into his neck. the scent radiating off of the being was what caught him most off guard, being way too akin to a cat’s smell.

“shirou! i missed you so much!” the person yelled almost right next to his ear, clinging onto him even more. shirou’s hand found themselves on the jumper’s waist, recognizing the shape and feel of it as he tried to pull them away to get a better view of their face.

“shirou-! are you okay!?” michiru yells, immediately running towards him to pull the stranger away from him, making her arms bigger incase they were a fighter.

the older man grunted, getting the clingy person off of him with ease, knowing that they were too smart to fight back, “i’m fine.” he told her, feeling the person on him removing their weight off his chest and settled on sitting on his lap with their legs on either side of his, “it’s just my fiancé.” he sighed, looking at the man that was staring up at him with excited eyes.

“fiancé?” michiru echoed back, staring at the two of them before her face turned into one of shock, “wait, you were dating someone and you didn’t even bother to tell me!?” 

[beanghostprincess]

I think my favorite thing about pre-timeskip Sanuso is that they are 17/19 years old. They are. So young. Teenagers. They know nothing about love and. And they are so stupid. Don't get me wrong, they still are. But they were even MORE stupid, if that's even possible.

And I love saying they started crushing on each other around Skypiea but-- Just imagine these two idiots already giggling and kicking their feet right after. I dunno. Arlong Park. Extremely early. They literally just met. And you have this casanova-wannabe having the realization™ about maybe perhaps kind of liking boys. And the other idiot who has a type™ (rich, classy, kind blondes) and won't stop asking himself why because Sanji is annoying af. He genuinely doesn't understand why he likes Sanji. Seriously. He hates it. And Sanji's sexuality crisis lasts between like, zero seconds and absolutely nothing because he sees Usopp smiling at him and his mind goes "prettyprettyprettyprettyboy" and there's no use trying to fight his demons (bisexuality).

The funniest thing about this is that they won't stop arguing like. From the moment they see each other. Usopp understands why he likes Sanji, okay? He is a pretty boy. He is also kind when he isn't being a complete jerk. He is kind of cute when he talks about the All Blue. He helps people whenever they need to. But then Sanji says something stupid and Usopp has the "fuck he is so annoying I wanna make out with him I mean---" crisis like, three times a day. While Sanji, since he has stopped fighting his demons, is a mix between "I will get over this crush fr fr he is just a guy" and "haha maybe if I save him he will give me a kiss on the cheek haha that'd be nice hahahahahahaa *gives in to gay thoughts for an hour until he sets the kitchen on fire*"

Sanji gets Usopp's goggles back in Alabasta because he is so down bad he just wants Usopp to thank him. Usopp is burning with jealousy in Whisky Peak when all those girls flirt with Sanji. They are both like "teehee it's cold out here we should probably sleep together just for warmth right hahaha". They spend all of Alabasta being annoying and everybody hates it. Vivi thinks they are dating. Sanji explains Usopp the 'Mr.Prince' trick and puts his glasses on only because Usopp thinks it's soooo cool. And Usopp thinks it is soooo fucking stupid but he wants to hype him up because, again, he is seventeen and he wants the pretty (and very stupid) blondie to kiss him.

When they get to Skypiea it is. The fucking worst. That is peak crushing on each other. It is not even realizing they are crushing, it is extreme "if we aren't next to each other constantly I think I will die" type of thing but "we can't tell each other how we feel bc what if it's not mutual". So they sleep next to each other. They hold hands. They pretend like they don't like it. They are dying from embarrassment. Sanji tells Usopp he doesn't care if he dies because he is having an "I need to look straight" moment and Usopp is having a "fuck why did I fall for a straight guy" moment. Then Sanji saves them, because he is like that but also because he is. Head over heels. Usopp takes care of his wounds right after and they are both so. So nervous.

Like-- Sanuso but they are crushing early in the story and they are both SHAKING every time they talk to each other. Sanji tries to act sooo cool and Usopp is like "haha yeah you're sooo cool" while regretting every decision he has ever made because why the hell does he want to fuck a blond loser.

By the time they get to Water 7 everything is more like. Genuine and romantic and they are basically in love with each other at this point. So I don't need to explain anything but. But. But Usopp in Thriller Bark thinking he is so cool with his little vampire hunter outfit and Sanji being down bad for him because he is, indeed, very cool. But Usopp is also having his teenage Conan Gray 'Heather' moment because Sanji won't stop saving Nami and Usopp just really really really wants Sanji to save him instead but okay fucking blond guy I hate him I hate him I hate him---

They both have their moments of screaming btw. Sanji finds moments alone to go to the kitchen and just. Scream inside of pots. Scream inside of glasses. Scream inside of cabinets. He likes Usopp so much it's physically unbearable and Usopp won't stop spending time with mosshead so of course he is angry. And Usopp goes to the boys' quarters to scream in pillows and the lockers and he is so stressed.

Sanji tells Usopp to taste his food before anybody else (please I am making this for you this food is for you love me love me love me love me) and Usopp constantly tells Sanji his stories because nobody else listens to him (do you think I'm cool please think I'm cool please please). Sanji has so many nosebleeds every day but they are not exaggerated they are. They are just there. He will constantly have nosebleeds and he lies and says it's just a weird condition because saying "please let your hair down more I am in love with you" is weird. And Usopp constantly bumps into walls and shit like that when he is trying to make Sanji look at him.

Their crushes on each other take like, at least, 80% of their time. It is insane and ridiculous and awkward and they are blushing 24/7 and kicking their feet and screaming and they like like each other. They don't say it like normal people. They like like each other. Because they're. Stupid. And young. And they make so many mistakes but they are growing up together. And I think that's beautiful and I adore them <33

WAIT WAIT WAIT EDIT: Not to mention the first time have sex. Not going into details bc. That's for another post I want to make. But they definitely had sex like. Before Sabaody. And it was the weirdest most disgusting teenage thing ever and I adore them. They were SO anxious. And it is. So cute. And I love themIlovethemwefnlwkefnln (<- normal person)

[xiaojuun]

2023 kpop recap ♡ tagged by @ambivartence !

Groups You Started Stanning?: well the big ones of course are wayv and nct (mostly 127 but i tune in for nct u of course of course ... loved golden age) ... i would say i also got really into triples this year musicwise, but i don't actually know the girls

New Ult Biases?: dejun ... my cringe bestie it was inevitable from the moment i saw him cleaning up poop on the puppy interview ...

Idol(s) Who Got The Most Of Your Simping?: idk you all tell me . i think i'm pretty normal KJSGJHBS but i'm sure we can make some arguments for mr. jaehyun and also my husband sehyoon who returned from war god bless

Most Streamed Group(s): cravity, treasure, enhypen, and purple kiss according to my spotify wrapped; nct and wayv definitely are my most streamed in the last couple of months though!

Most Streamed Soloist(s)?: woodz is the only one who made it into my wrapped report, but i'd guess probably also yena, yuri, and maybe eric nam

Top K-Pop Song(s) Of This Year (Opinion Or Streaming, You Choose): nct djj perfume is definitely my song of the year. others i think deserve soty shoutouts: save me kill me - cix, busted - woodz, rising - triples, fate - enhypen, agit - purple kiss, kick it 4 now - tnx, regret it - exo

Top Debut This Year: for the girls kiss of life with shhh ! for the boys ... dojaejung counts right ??

Choreographies You Learned: i don't learn choreo like on purpose HAHA but i can kind of dance along to groovy by cravity

Albums/Merchandise You Bought: too many albums per usual since cravity and treasure both had comebacks, and i just started buying for my new obsessions 🧍🏼‍♀️ i also got a tshirt at the omega x concert, and mary and i got the new truz crossbody bags which are actually so cute ... and we also got wayv seasons greetings to share which i think was a great decision

New Kpop Mutuals You Made?: my new nctuals i love u guys thanks for letting me in and treating me like a bestie even though i just got here 7 years late with my giant iced coffee in hand and sporadic posting around my insane work schedule. and for anyone else who started holding my hand this year, just know ... i don't let go easily or ever ! 😈

Tagging: gonna go through my follow list and tag my most recently made mutuals as inspired by that last question hehe no pressure though! also sorry if we haven't actually interacted before, in my mind we are best friends as soon as u follow me back . just fyi . <3 @minhyukie @bouncingback @neonsbian @irlvernon @lenteur @yutaslaugh @yunogf @baekhyunnybyun and bc i mentioned her in here @dongkwan teehee

[thewanderingbreath]

(archived thoughts) writing this on 15 june, 2022 (but i'm scheduling this in advance):

hello you. i'm not sure how our relationship would've transpired and/or ended by now. it's never easy to leave a place of comfort, love and safety. but i made my reasons clear; if you were in my spot, it'd be heartbreaking to stay too.

don't think i ever told you this, but the night you told me you were arranged for marriage in a few years, i felt my heart sink so low. (i know that sinking feeling, e.g. from rejection/finding out my crush likes someone else etc.) i believe that was the point i couldn't understand and unsee. but i had no right to judge or make decisions. i suppose it seared a deep wound in me, knowing the person i saw myself building a life with was called to live another one with someone he should eventually love more. and rightfully so, considering how you were saved from the things you went through (but you never actually told me what they were.)

call it inferiority, fear or maybe just regret that i hadn't been that lucky one you were meant for. i still feel upset that you never told me your story; as i always said, it's not that i didn't want to/have the guts to hear it. i was there, i just wish you had shared that side of you.

i suppose too, that the emotional rollercoasters i had were caused by this knowledge. it took one church visit (lol) for me to realise the manifestation of love here: to will the good of the other. as i've said many times, if your "good" is sticking to this path and having less inner conflict, then loving you with all my heart is to truly leave you to be at peace. till now, if my mind wanders, the fear of you forgetting me and loving your partner exponentially is still there. it should be the case, i just haven't come to terms with it.

i'll think of you wherever i go and in whatever i do. you don't actually need to fear anything, though. my self-esteem has always been low and i never believed i'd meet anyone new/begin loving somebody new/be loved again. essentially, the only "worry" you may have is that i'd adopt a friendly ginger cat. lucky you then, since you can continue reminiscing and wishing it was me that was by your side as you continue walking through life. i wouldn't say the same for me, i've much more to fear.

i could simply reach out and drop you a message about where i am, my school outfit (heh always our inside joke) or the hectic teacher life that you had been a respite from. but i won't; the cycle won't stop and i'd eventually just be hurting myself again, again and again. i'll still wear my Sunday best, should i go to Little Part One/Cider Pit again. i'll remember that we shared our time there, or even the moments we ran across empty roads hand in hand.

funnily, sometimes i still doubt if what you felt was real. i wonder if you would've dropped a surprise message for me, or dedicate a post just because i was running through your mind too much. feeling unworthy of love has its consequences, this is one of mine. i guess it's good too, since it would've saved you the trouble.

i love you. i love you so much, all i want is to be in your arms right now. really. to be warm and safe. i fucking love you so much, my squishy boo (cringey ass pet names... i don't care).

i imagined making love to you the other night... hehe. it was warm, safe, so intimate. like we knew each other in a past life, our bodies being together because that's how they should be. also, a fair bit of noise teehee 🦊

wherever you are out there, no matter the time that's passed, i hope you remember me. don't you ever forget, don't you dare. when you read this, know you're in my mind. always. i want to go back to Little Part One, on the day we said we'd meet again (15 Sept, just not in the morning because no morning drinking lol).

i'm typing this in canada. so far away, and that's what it's gonna be like when we part. why couldn't you be in my future? stay with me. don't go. come back to me. promise you'll find your way back to me, okay? a part of me will always be waiting for you. don't tell me not to wait...

如果有下次，我会再爱一次。(i.e. if i could love again, i will. it will be you. always). i don't care how much shit you've been through. i want to be here with you, there's nowhere else i want to be than with you.

if i could break you free from everything that's holding you back, i will. with whatever i have i'll bring you away with me. we won't have to be apart. never again.

i love you, i will never tire of telling you this. do you remember what i told you? when you are in a dark place, i will tell you even more that i love you and i'm here. i'm always here, my love. if you forget everything, remember me. i.. love you so much axel. as though my poofy chest is gonna explode with all this love.

i love you baby. be well. 🧡🦊

[shslstraws]

Hi, you don't have to answer this question! But I'm very curious, mainly cause I want to hear your opinion on them. But, what's your thoughts on Ryoma Hoshi? ^^

Heyya! I’ve been meaning to get around to this actually, I love questions like this! 

Ryoma Hoshi! I think he’s a great character! When I was about to start NDRV3, I saw Ryoma and went, “oh great, a small perverted character who is for comedy relief probably” like the typical ones you see in anime and stuff like that. Like Teddy from Persona 4, for example. 

BUT BOY WAS I PROVEN WRONG RIGHT AWAY 

And I’m glad they didn’t go that route and made Ryoma entirely different. Just goes to show; don’t judge a book by it’s cover. I would say the same thing for  Gonta, bc he looked very intimidating, but he’s just a gentleman. Gentle giant,, 

Before officially giving my thoughts on Ryoma, I spent a while researching and watching the free time events on him, so here’s my thoughts; 

At first, meeting Ryoma was surprising in the prologue; 1. he had a deep voice. 2. Ultimate Tennis Pro who states that he’s no longer that ultimate but “his empty shell” And me, being like, “dam, that’s edgy” and the more and more “edgy” he got for me as the story continued on, with him trying to sacrifice himself so everyone doesn’t get killed in Chapter 1. The whole argument in the cafeteria with Rantaro, yanno. But at that point, I stopped seeing Ryoma as this “edgy character” but as a character who is,,,just sad. Especially when this is his reason, HE should be the one to be sacrificed. 

Which no one should take lightly, and there is a reason this character THINKS he has no reason to live anymore. We go into chapter 2, and when Ryoma states he wants to see his motive video and Kaito gets angry bc he perceives Ryoma as someone who has no will to live. And interesting how Ryoma reacts to this as, “No will to live? Hmph. if that how you see me, then so be it”. Which is kind of a different tone to in the first chapter when he stated he had no reason to live. 

But, how I see it, there’s a difference between Ryoma’s REASON to live and his WILL to live. You get more into Chapter 2, and Ryoma shows signs of actually not planning to throw his life away, and you get more attached and understanding to Ryoma. He even states, “I’m not stupid enough to throw my life away.” and when Gonta spots Shuichi and Ryoma, Ryoma escapes before saying to Shuichi, “sorry, but there’s still things I got to do.” There is a WILL to live from Ryoma, but it’s often shadowed by his reasons to live. 

Now, we go into the backstory; Ryoma had a future bright ahead of him. With a promising career with the profession he loved, Tennis. And Ryoma even had a girlfriend when he was in America for “studying tennis” aboard. Ryoma says he never believed in love until her, so this relationship must have really meant A LOT to Ryoma. The mafia invited Ryoma to an underground tennis competition, where the rich bet on who will win, etc. He didn’t want to at first, but the mafia was just persistent, so he eventually accepted. The matches were fixed though and Ryoma won against the opponent he was SUPPOSE to lose to. Just to get the mafia ruin for their reputation. Ryoma states that he was VERY naive back then. Which makes sense for a young teen suddenly put in this frustrating position, where all Ryoma knows is to play tennis the way he knows how and loses. But he’s an ultimate, he’s not suppose to lose. But that doesn’t mean Ryoma did this intent bc he was salty or whatever. It was just very unfair and probably felt dirty to him, just no respect in tennis (if that makes sense), so of course he’d win on purpose just to resent the mafia. But due to lack judgement before making this decision, Ryoma would learn to regret this decision. As the mafia MASSACRED his family for revenge. Which is REALLY brutal. 

You find this out in Ryoma’s free time events, after getting a third friendship fragment. The only one in Ryoma’s life, was his girlfriend. But for her safety, Ryoma told her to run away, but the mafia found and killed her. At the end of the fourth free time event, Ryoma says that he should have stayed with her then that way “she wouldn’t have been alone.” Ryoma blames himself for the deaths of the people he loved and who ever loved him. And rightfully too, but it doesn’t mean everything was his fault. He just carries the burden and wanted to get revenge; which is why he killed the entire mafia. (Which I still find weird how he can with tennis but he is an ultimate) 

With more burden to carry with lives he took away, and Ryoma was on death row until he got put into the killing game. I can imagine all the hopes, dreams, or whatever leave once you’re told you’re set to die. And you wouldn’t even bother caring if there was “nothing to live for” which being Ryoma’s family and lover. No wonder Ryoma was willing to give his life away in the first chapter, Ryoma was told he would die before this and being put in a killing game?? He’s going to die either way, so he felt the need to sacrifice himself as something he can maybe repent or not be alone anymore. But whether Ryoma tried to push or suppress and even put on a mask, Ryoma still had a WILL to live. He still had the passion of tennis, but suppress those emotions as punishments for his wrongdoings. And that’s a lot to do to yourself. Ryoma denied this will to live, but maybe started to accept it. Especially after Kaede’s death and her hopes to escape with everyone. 

And later on, he sees everyone (including Shuichi, who Ryoma knew was the most affected by Kaede’s death) try to go on and escape. Then it’s a given that Ryoma starts to try and find a REASON to keep his WILL to live. That’s why he’s so desperate for his motive video as well. To find someone cares for him, it’s not like he had family ALIVE for the motive to give Ryoma “the most important IN HIS LIFE”. Because the most important people to him in his entire life have died. Perhaps he was just trying to find maybe one survivor of his family in the motive video, or maybe big hopes to see his lover there. But when he saw no one, it just confirmed that everyone he cared for is dead. 

Ryoma is a sad character when you go in depth, he’s a person who had everything and lost everything over one mistake. And blames himself, carries the burden, and is told he is going to die. There is a lot on this character’s shoulders, it’s a shame he went the way he did. But in the end, when he lost all hope, he still thought of others than himself. Kirumi had everything to live for, and Ryoma had nothing left. Nothing left that he saw anymore, but I believe he could have a reason to live. HONESTLY, IF THERE WAS NO KILLING GAME EVERYONE WOULD BE HAPPY, YEAH? But with Ryoma, these were friends that were starting to help him find importance in his life and I can definitely see everyone helping Ryoma get back into tennis. Something he loves. (Especially Kaito, I see Kaito really pushing trying to get Ryoma back into it if he can haha) 

Ryoma is definitely an interesting character with a tragic backstory. But still had strength left in him, and wanting a reason to keep his small bit of will to live. Ryoma deserves a lot of love,,, 

Oh!

Interesting take, Ryoma looks at Shuichi at a new light in Chapter 2. He goes on to even say this; 

“It’s like your eyes have stopped focusing on the past…” 

Perhaps Ryoma saw himself in Shuichi once Kaede died, someone who was close to Shuichi in Chapter 1. Shuichi lost someone he cared for, like Ryoma did. WOULDN’T SAY ROMANTICALLY BUT I KNOW THE GAME PUSHES FOR SAIMATSU. I do like Saimatsu, but I always like “whatever ppl ship him with here teehee” So for here, Ryoma just saw some resemblance, and probably figured Shuichi was going to lose hope like he did when losing someone. But Shuichi learns to move on for Kaede’s sake. (And the rest who died, in the upcoming chapter, he states that they should all live for the people who died, and amen. I’ll drink to that, Shuichi) Shuichi hasn’t fully stopped focusing on the past at this point of the game, Chapter 2, but Ryoma sees he’s trying. And probably gives him more thoughts on maybe,, he should let go of the past too. 

[staynectar-blog]

A poem by Moi

I was such a fool......

First, it was Jongin, because E V E R Y O N E gotta love Jongin, it’s just a fact.

Then, it was Minnie, so cute and adorable it gave me a heart attack. 

Took a side trip to Soo, but not for very long.

And stopped at Junmyeon, thinking he was the one.

Baekhyun grabbed me but thank GOD I didn’t get with it.

Jongdae was always nearby and I was weak for a minute. 

Yixing was too sweet to handle and I still don’t know how to act.

Chanyeol is a dork and I love all of that.....

but Sehun is the one for me and none of ya’ll hoes can have him so back tf off