#but I havent had a good nights sleep in days so I'm kinda running on reserves here

[spiked-mall-goth]

ummmmm guys. i have had a day let me tell you. super long diary like entry lol

i had to get up early to go see my papa and help him move some furniture, and although i was running on a total of 2 1/2 hours of sleep i was excited. he lives out in the city and its about an hour and a half drive but the highway is completely surrounded by trees so that was a fun ride. listened to lots of music and talked about barbies with my dad. we counted 21 total yard sales on the trip.

got home and ate lunch after unloading some beds. my papa wanted some old twin beds out of his house so we took them home. i have a new mattress now!! which hopefully means far less daily back pain!!

after lunch we decided to go to a few of the yard sales we passed by. and let me tell you i got a HAUL. i got a pair of really nice pajama pants that have little skulls on them, then at the next one they had SO MUCH STUFF!!! like guys.. i got a sweater for 25 cents.. GUYS. i got a little black sweater, a flowy black summer top, a fucking black velvet CAPELET, and the most gorgeous black 80s prom dress; although sadly it does not zip and needs alterations but its WORTH IT!!! it has really big poof sleeves and a massive flower sash omg guys its AWSOME. at the same place i also got a little fake ivy for my kitchen :D it desperately needed a little life, a big ass puzzle to work on with my brothers, and they had MOUNDS of vhs tapes... for FREE. soooo uh yeah. may or may not have come home with like twenty new tapes. oh yeah did i metion that i only paid like a total of six dollars so far?? i made out like a Bandit. final yard sale and the woman was like 'uhhhh $1.25.'. so for a $1.25 i got a peanuts drinking glass (i think from mcdonalds..), the entirety of firefly on dvd, and a ceramic angel. normally i do not go for religious imagery in my decor, but. it was like 102F.. i hadnt slept since my two hour night.. i was severely dehydrated.. heat exhaustion was setting in a little bit.. and i dunno, she just called to me. she reminded me of laura palmer.

okay, so i get home and unload all my of goodies, then i start cleaning my room. i have to disassemble my old bed frame and clean under my bed and shit. i already have a pounding headache at this point but i have schedule to keep. beds gotta be moved b4 tmrrw. so i am FIGHTING trying to get the frame apart, i'm all sweaty and gross and i finally get it!! :D i feel some stuff falling over behind me and b4 i can even look up i get whacked right upside my head loony tunes style with a huge metal beam :( i start feeling kinda funny and i vaguely remember talking to my brother who told me to lie down. i pass out cold and hard on the couch for about an hour. vague memories of seeing something in the room with me. not really important i just think you should know.

wake up to my brothers shaking me to make sure i havent DIED. i lived! yayyy!! ate dinner, and then it was time. i have been looking at this online auction for over a week now and it was ending in a matter of minutes. i did when some some stuff! i got the directors cut of JTHM, revenge of the filler rabbit, and some other comic which i cannot remember rn.. but anyways it was 5 bucks! and then i bought a snoopy wallet for a few dollars. although i did miss out on a clear phone.. so sad. but overall i had a very good shopping day today idk why. everything just like fell into my lap at affordable prices... like wow..

after the auction i still had not moved my new bend in (ya know.. bonk on da head) so i fight forever to get it put together. but yippeee!!! its al here! and i was given a new blanket to put on it which is very soft :3

anyways now im here after showing and watching x files for a bit.

if you read all of that.... wow. ily <3. i normally dont like to just like info dump about my irl daily stuff, but today was just so like action packed it was kinda bonkers. anyways i have to go to bed bc i have more stuff going on tmrrw.... and i honestly might just cancel them.. i am TIRED.

[freindly-neighbourhood-anarchist]

When You Sleep Together

Dream SMP x Reader

I've got some wholesome moments for you guys because y'all deserve to be loved :) sorry if some of these are cheesy

⊰᯽⊱┈──╌❊╌──┈⊰᯽⊱

💭💚Dream💚💭

Rubbing his eyes sleepily as he stared at the chat of his stream, Clay sighed quietly to himself. He was longing for the sweet embrace of his comfy bed-sheets. As much as he loved his chat, he loved you and his bed more.

Blinking away the sleep, he shook his head to wake himself up. When he stopped himself from falling into his sleep-zombie stupor, he began to speak energetically to the stream once again.

Just as he was about to say something, the sound of his door opening made him stop. When he saw you peeking your head into his room, he muted his mic." Everything okay?" He asked, concern swirling in his deep-green eyes.

Your eyes narrowed a little from the brightness of his monitor," You're... still streaming?" You muttered tiredly, running a hand through your messy hair," It's 4 am... You need to come to bed before you die." You stated bluntly.

Chuckling lightly, Clay smiled at you," That's a bit of an exaggeration, dont ya think?" He grinned out before turning to his monitor," I just need to finish this building first and then I'll come to bed." He reassured.

Pouting at him, you walked over to him in his gaming chair. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders from behind and leaned your head in the crook of his neck. He stiffened up for a second but leaned into your touch, which told you just how tired he really was.

You brought your lips close to his ear," The bed's lonely without you..." You tried your best to sound cute before giving into your sluggish thoughts," and it's lowkey freezing without you next to me. You don't want me to die of hypothermia, right?"

Wheezing a little, he shook his head," Alright, alright. You've convinced me."

"Epic victory royale for me."

"Never say that again."

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🖤🔥Sapnap🔥🖤

Groaning in defeat, you closed your laptop after saving your assignment in frustration. Rubbing your eyes tiredly, you glanced at your phone and turned it on to check the time.

2:30 a.m

"Oh f-" you already knew you were gonna get shit from Nick as soon as you stepped foot into your shared bedroom.

Quickly packing your college material away, you raced upstairs quickly and made a bee-line to your bedroom. You opened the door quietly, smirking slightly when you heard the light snores coming from your boyfriend.

He was hugging a pillow close to himself, wrapped snugly within the comfy blankets. He looked like he was in heaven.

If anything, that only made you more tired.

You tiptoe to the bed and slowly crawled into the bed, trying your best to stop the groan of satisfaction from escaping your lips as soon as the blankets consumed you. You stared at Nick's peaceful face for a second before scooting closer to him for more heat.

The pillow beneath your head was so fluffy and comfortable that you were almost instantly consumed in dream-land, not before Nick stopped you.

"Did your bitchass finally give up on that dumb assignment." He muttered tiredly, replacing the pillow he was cuddling with you.

"I have to finish it tomorrow, dumbass..." You grunted out, your eyebrow slanting downwards slightly.

"Nah, fuck you. You're staying in bed with me tomorrow." He denied your statement instantly, pulling you ever closer.

"You make a good argument, I retract my statement..."

"Good."

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💤💙GeorgeNotFound💙💤

"Fuck yea-" You stopped your celebrating quickly as soon as you remembered that your boyfriend was literally sleeping behind you.

You had been editing a video all night, and despite his begging and whining, you just wouldnt go to bed with George. So he decided that he'd stay with you in the living room, refusing to go to bed without you.

You had protested against that, claiming that he needed his beauty sleep, which he had taken great offense to. So he sat behind you, wrapping his arms around you and placing his head in the crook of your neck, whining that he wasnt going to move until you came to bed with him.

You took this as a challenge," Aight bet." And continued to edit whilst your boyfriend was hugging you from behind.

About 10 minutes into editing, you heard George's familiar snores. You knew that he'd fall asleep quick anyways, sleeping is sort of his thing.

But now, you'd finally finished your editing and want to actually go to bed. Sighing at this dilemma and obvious karma, you closed your laptop after sending the video to Dream.

You leaned into George's heat, making him stir a little." George..." you whispered to him.

There was a lazy hum in response.

"Let's go to bed..." You muttered to him.

"....You lost that opportunity about 2 hours ago." He replied back stubbornly," It's expired."

"Oh, come on." You groaned out," If I stay in bed with you tomorrow as well, will you let us go to bed?"

He was silent.

"... Deal."

"Great, let's go, let's go."

⊰᯽⊱┈──╌❊╌──┈⊰᯽⊱

🎶💛Wilbur Soot💛🎶

"Alright, bed time. C'mon." Wilbur spoke up suddenly, making you jump from your place at your monitor.

"Wait wha-" You were interrupted as Wilbur wrapped his arms around your waist, squeezing you close to him. Your back pressed into his chest as he got you to stand up from your desk." Will, what are you-?"

"You've been editing all day. I need attention and affection." He muttered, a pout on his lips." So can we got to sleep please?" He sent you a slight grin.

"Will, this'll only take a couple of minutes." You sighed out with furrowed eyebrows.

His grin dropped," You said that an hour ago."

Your eyes widened at his words," I did?"

"You did."

"Shit." You rubbed your eyes, letting out another sigh," Jeez, I'm sorry Will... I'm an asshole." You muttered.

"Hmm.... hmmmmm thinking.... You could come to bed to sleep with me to make up for being an asshole?" He teased.

You narrowed your eyes at him playfully," you're not supposed to agree."

Laughing slightly, he wrapped his arms around you tighter," in all seriousness.... As sleepdeprived as I am, I don't want you following in my footsteps. So can we go to bed, please? I really need you in my arms right now."

You were taken aback by his confession but you could only give into his charms after he sent you a soft-eyed smile." Oh, alright."

"Thank fuck. Jesus, please never make me wait as long as you did tonight again."

"Noted."

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⭐👑Eret👑⭐

"Can we go to bed now?" You whined as Eret finally finished streaming." Jeez, it's like you love your chat more than me."

Eret laughed deeply at your words and shook their head," You know that's not trueee~" he sang out cutely." You have my heart, [Y/N], don't worry."

You couldn't stop the stop the soft smile from replacing your pout, your eyes softening at her." Aww.... Ali, you're so sweet to me... and you're super cheesy." You awed out, finding their response to be genuinely adorable.

" Ali? Sheesh, and you call me cheesy. Look in the mirror, love." He teased, finally turning his monitor off and making their way over to you. She towered over you, you've always compared them to a big friendly giant who loves to cuddle.

Sending her a teasing grin and a suggestive eyebrow raise, you spread your arms open for him to hug you," Bed time?"

They grinned slightly and wrapped their arms around you securely, squeezing you tightly against his chest in a loving hug." Bed time..."

"Finally."

"Were you really waiting that long?" She teased, getting your messy head of [H/C] hair." Aww, if I had known that, I would've ended earlier."

You hit him playfully," You suck, loser."

"Love you too, dear."

⊰᯽⊱┈──╌❊╌──┈⊰᯽⊱

(This one's a bit long lol.)

👑🐷Technoblade🐷👑

You let out a another yawn as you shivered lightly in the cold of the snowy area you and Techno lived in.

Your boyfriend had gone to the nether a couple of hours ago to collect wither skulls for 'decoration' but you already knew what he was scheming inside that chaotic head of his.

You've been waiting for about 5 hours in the freezing cold. Of course you've made yourself useful around the house, tending to the farm and gathering more materials overall.

Tommy helped here and there, but he was mostly gathering materials for himself.

Now you were beginning to worry for your boyfriend, he's been gone for so long.

So you decided to sit at the doorstep, a blanket wrapped around yourself and a hot cup of cocoa, refusing to fall asleep until you found out that Techno was okay.

Tommy had sat with you for an hour or so before he retired to his bed, stating," Techno's being a bitch. Not worth the time waiting for him." And then he left.

You had laughed at the teen's grumpiness towards Techno, but you didnt agree with him.

Techno was worth waiting for.

He always will be.

Taking another sip from your cocoa, you leaned your head against the door, blinking so that you're eyes wouldnt close due to fatigue and tiredness.

The steaming hot cocoa in your hands reminded you of the warm bed you share with Techno. How the fire would crackle and the smell of burning wood and berries filled the home. The blankets were huge and warm and would just consume you and Techno. How he stays up at night to read some history book and tell you about greek mythology.

"Fuck I miss him..." You muttered, your teeth chattering whic prompted you to wrap your blankets closer around you.

"Miss who?"

You jumped at the familiar voice, making you drop your hot cocoa. You looked up at the owner and your lip twitched a little," You're an asshole."

Techno raised an eyebrow down at you, taking off his pig mask to talk to you properly." HEH? What have I done??" He mumbled, silently outraged.

"Do you know how long I've been waiting here?? 5 hours, Techno!! I'm surprised I havent gotten hypothermia yet!" You exclaimed, standing from your spot on the doorstep," You even made me spill my cocoa!!"

Pouting like a child, your boyfriend narrowed his red eyes at you," How is the fact you spilled your cocoa my fault?"

You gave him a,' bitch, really?' Look and it made him reconsider his words.

"Oh wait a minute, I guess that is kinda my fault, huh? Ehhhh, its fiiiiine." He waved a hand dismissively and walked passed you to get into the house, throwing his red Cape off and then placing his items into a chest." So... you missed me, eh? I mean... I would too if I were you but... y'know."

You knew he was fishing for affection or gratitude, but you knew better than that. You were still angry at him.

"Wow, quite the ego on you." You rolled your eyes," and who said it was you that I was missing?"

Techno didnt look at you, he continued placing his items in his chest," Well.... who else would you miss?" He questioned carefully.

"Phil."

He turned to you, staring before shrugging," Yeah, that's pretty valid. I miss him too."

You groaned at his stubborn nature and sat down in a chair, rubbing your temples," You're such a pain." You muttered.

Techno froze at your words, finally sensing your distress. When he had finished putting his items away, he turned to your brooding form, a light frown upon his face. He walked over to you and gulped, his eyebrows furrowing with frustration. He really really wasnt one for comforting others, hes always found it hard to do so. That's what social anxiety does to you.

He placed a hand on your head, petting it lightly and awkwardly." Look.... I'm sorry."

You froze at his words and slowly looked up at him, an expectant look upon your face.

Techno took his hand from your head, prompting to cross his arms instead," I know that you were worried, I shouldve taken that into consideration. But ya need to understand that I'm strong, [Y/N]. You dont need to worry for my safety at all, I can handle myself."

You frowned a little before sighing," You know I worry because I love you." You stated simply, looking down at your shoes.

The male's cheeks heated up a little and he nodded," 'course..." he grumbled bashfully.

Lips twitching into a slight smile, you stood from your chair and grabbed both of his hands gently, intertwining his fingers with yours." Well... I'm glad you're safe... I missed you a lot."

Techno's face only reddened even further as he completely avoided eye contact with you, his palms growing sweaty but refusing to let go of your smaller and softer hands." U-uh... wanna know another reason why you shouldnt worry about me dyin'?" He's trying his best to hide the fact he was embarrassed.

You grinned slightly and leaned a little closer to him," Yeah. Tell me."

He looked deeply into your eyes, his face still flushed. He leaned a little closer to your face, his ruby-red eyes swirling with an emotion you couldnt quite put your finger on.

Your eyes flicker down to his lips as he began to speak, his hot breath hitting your own lips.

"Because Technoblade never dies."

You pulled yourself from him instantly," You just ruined the romantic moment. AGAIN." You stated simply.

He huffed out a laugh at your exclaim," Aww c'mon it was funny! Please tell me I'm funny--"

"You're not funny. I'm going to bed, bye." You then walked away from him, Techno trailed behind you with a shit-eating grin on his lips.

"You know I still have 3 canon lives left as well, right?"

"I am now choosing to no longer understand english." You replied simply.

"Ok, nerd."

⊰᯽⊱┈──╌❊╌──┈⊰᯽⊱

🐏🖤Jschlatt🖤🐏

"The fuck are you up so late for." It was more of a statement than a question.

You looked up at your floating boyfriend in all of his blue sweater and ram-horned glory." You're up late too, dumbass." You shot back, downing another cup of coffee.

"[Y/N]... I'm a fuckin' ghost. You think I need sleep? Use your head woman." He insulted as he floated behind you, peeking over your shoulder to see what you were up too.

You seemed to be writing something in a book, he couldnt really read it though so he leaned onto your back, leaning his chin on your shoulder. His eyes skimmed over the words and he scowled a little.

"What the hell are you s'posed to be writing." He grumbled out.

"It's just a book for the different materials Alex told me to gather." You stated simply, leaning your head against his slightly.

"Good idea. Knowin' you, your dumbass would probably forget." He hummed out," But why waste your time on this when you could be sleeping."

Frowning with furrowed eyebrows, you continued to write in the book," I mean... its Alex. I dont wanna let the guy down, he's the vice president."

"Eh... Whose Alex again? He the one with the flatty patty?"

You buried your face in your hands, holding in a laugh." You're an idiot..." You muttered out, trying to contain your laughter.

"Takes one to know one asshole." Schlatt responded, floating away from you and to your bed. He lay on top of it comfortably," OoOoOoh~ look at how comfortable this fuckin' bed looks [Y/N]~ mm yes, comfy comfy, yes very comfy."

Smiling a little, you turned to him and raised an eyebrow," You sure its comfy?"

He was silent for a moment before he nodded," trust me. You know what they call me?"

You rolled your eyes, sighing slightly,"... what do they call you..."

"The bed master."

"You fucking-" You're sentence cut off as you broke out into a laugh. Schlatt couldnt stop the slight smile from crossing over his lips at successfully cheering you up.

"This is a very comfy bed. You should try it out with me, right now." It was more of a threat than a suggestion.

"How can I trust you though?..."

"Maybe if you try the bed out for yourself you can decide whether it's comfy or not, fuckin' moron."

You stared at him with a deadpan expression before giving in," you make a valid point. You win this argument." Standing from the table, you walked over to your bed and flopped onto it next to Schlatt.

He stared down at you expectantly;" Well? Was I right or was I right?"

You moved around on the bed a little, and sighed," .....It feels like I'm lying on a fucking cloud...." you gave up.

Schlatt shot you a shit-eating grin," Right?? The bed master strikes once again." Then his smile dropped," Dont ever fuckin' question me again."

"Gotcha."

He turned a little in the bed and threw an arm over you, pulling you close to him. You stared up at him with a confused gaze, which made him roll his eyes." Gonna help you sleep." He grunted out.

"Ahhh... Okay." You snuggled a little closer to him." Thank you for existing, Schlatt."

"At least one of us are happy I exist." He deadpanned.

"Hey Schlatt? Did you fall from heaven, cause you look like you fell- wait I messed that up."you silently cursed to yourself.

"You fucking loser."

"Lemme try again... Did you fall from heaven? Cause you look like an angel."

"... That makes no fucking sense. Are you comparing me to Satan then? He was the angel that fell from heaven." He looked slightly offended." I'll have you know that I am a devoted Catholic-"

You deadpanned when he wouldnt accept the pick-up line and gave up,"... You're hot." you stated bluntly.

"I know. Goodnight."

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❤🦆Quackity🦆❤

"Fuuuuck... I'm so fucking tired chat." Alex laughed out slightly, trying his best to contain another yawn. His chat instantly began to complain to him, telling him to hurry up and end the stream then. " aww... you all care so much for me." He fake cried." I dont deserve you guys."

MikeHawk: GO TO BED YOU SMALL MAN

Likywastaken: GO SLEEP ASSHOLE

He snorted at the comment," Wow, are y'all hitting on me orrr? Hit me up." He joked teasingly, a slight grin upon his lips.

The familiar sound of,' Me perdonas' came through his headset, indicating he had received a donation.

Duh_Itz_y/n has donated $4.20

Go the fuck to bed you bitch <3

His eyes lit up at your familiar twitch name and he chuckled lightly." Y/N, my love, you have such a way with words." He stated sarcastically, ignoring how his chat started spamming your name." Thanks for the dono but you literally can just call me on discord, fucking idiot."

And just like that, his discord went off, it made him jump in his gaming chair. He covered it up with a cough and answered the call," Hola hermosa."

"Did you just fucking jump when I called you?"

He sputtered," The fuck??? No. You're tripping."

"YOU DID. You're such a pussy boy."

"Yes, I am a pussy boy because I attract all the puss-"

"Stop talking." You interrupted," Why arent you asleep Alex? I don't know if you knew this buuut, 2 am is usually the time when people should be sleeping." You stated, snarky and teasing.

"If you wanted to get me alone you shouldve just said so, babe." He stated simply, you could hear the shit-eating grin in his voice.

He heard you laugh from the other side, making his heart flutter in his chest." I wish I was there but Mexico is like hours away." You muttered.

"Why are you awake? You've been going off to me but it's late where you are too."

"It's cause I was watching your shitass stream. I'm such a dedicated girlfriend, arent I? I just love you so much." You laughed out.

"Aww, you're such a simp for me..." Alex pressed a hand to his cheek embarrassingly, mocking that he was flustered." Should I just end the stream now then. I wanna talk to you now."

"Now you're the one wanting to get me alone Hmm?"

"Yeah, at least I can admit it. Looks like you're the pussy here." He spat your words right back at you.

"End the stream."

"Yes ma'am."

"Pfft, and you say you arent a fucking bottom." You teased.

"Y/N, I am still strEAMING-"

[maijobi]

thank you

gojo x reader

summary: gojo breaking down make me go brrrrr

a/n: hello hello, I havent been active here due to my exams but I’m finally done!!! I’m not so proud of this work but I most definitely don’t hate it, plus this was more of a ‘I need to get back to writing’ type of comeback. enjoy!

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you were waiting for gojo to arrive. it had been exactly two hours after you two had planned a date night at home and he still wasn’t here. you knew about his busy schedule, so you didn’t take it personal and didn’t think that he’d try to avoid a date night with you. especially these days. he was tired, you could tell. he was exhausted. every day that he’d come home he’d just slump on the bed and sleep straight till the morning without having had dinner. 

you were worried about him, but every time you tried to have that conversation with him, he’d find a way to evade anything that was related to that. you knew he was just bad at expressing his emotions, but you did your best to get something out of him even though you failed every time.

even though both of you had the same job, he was the stronger one. meaning everything from the higher ups fell onto him. he was running errands in their place because they were just too weak to handle it without him, or rather lazy was the word gojo liked to used.

the higher ups were rather cruel people. they didn’t care about Gojo’s mental health and because they knew he didn’t like to show weakness they took advantage of that. knowing that he’ll take any job given to him, just to show how strong and dependable he was. but a big burden came along with that. he’d be gone for days without having slept properly and then he’d come home and he’d be knocked out for the next three days. 

it was hard on him, but he still kept doing his best. 

you could tell he was exhausted because of the bags under his eyes, because of the way he drags his feet over the ground instead of jumping and hopping like he used to do. or the way he talked, the enthusiasm and sarcastic vibes were as good a nowhere to be seen. the way he can’t keep his eyes open when he gets home. for example when you two are watching a movie and you lay on his lap, you could see him trying his best to keep his eyes open but failing after too many attempts. you were sad, because not only was your precious time with him taken away from you, he looked visibly tired. it felt like any moment he could break down.

you were sat at the table that was fully ready for a romantic date night, but the only thing missing was the date himself. you were getting worried. he’d usually text you an hour at which he’d come home, but this time had you left wondering what might have happened because he didn’t text you anything. you didn’t want to think too much about it so with a text with “text me when you’re on your way home” sent to him, you tried to calm yourself down.

after only a few minutes of having sent that text, the door was opened. you sprinted to the door and saw Gojo barely able to hold himself up. without having to think twice you ran to him and slid arm over your shoulders for support. “satoru!”

his full body weight fell on you and you tried your best to hold the 1m90 tall man without making the both of you fall down. “satoru, what happened?!”

you helped him take off his shoes and immediately brought him to the bedroom. his breathing was uneven, but when you looked for a wound there were none to see. he was conscious, but just too weak to answer you. you stripped him from his uniform and left him in his shirt and boxers, giving him all the air he should get. “satoru give me one second”, you worriedly said as you ran to the bathroom and wet a towel. you ran back to him and put the towel on his forehead after feeling a fever come up. 

not knowing what exactly to do you kinda panicked, but you had to stay calm for him. you stood up, wanting to bring him a glass of water when suddenly his hands were on yours. you stopped your movements and turned around. his face was flushed red, probably because of the fever, but his eyes were still closed.

he opened his eyes and slowly rose from his laying position to a sitting one. he pulled you down so that you were sitting next to him. you weren’t sure what was happening or if he was even aware of the things he was doing now, but you let it all happen because maybe this all was what he really needed.

he looked you in the eyes, his being droopy and sad. his eyes were watery, but no tear dropped. he placed a hand each on both of your hands and slowly pulled you in for a hug. he allowed himself to be hugged, to be more precise. guiding your hands to his shoulders and then snaking his own around your waist as dropped his head in the crook of your neck.

after a deep inhale he finally broke down. not the type where people scream, but the type where they catch for breath and the type where they bite down on something to hold it in. he didn’t want to hurt you, but that was all he could do in order to not scream, even though you wanted him to. your hands rubbed his back and you knew immediately that he was just worn out. he had trouble keeping himself upright and he really just did his best until he couldn’t hold it anymore.

he didn’t expect you to say anything, and you didn’t. not only because you wanted to give him the rest he needed, but also because you just weren’t sure how to properly deal with this situation. but he didn’t care. all he needed was you by his side. you just had to be there, nothing more. 

you stayed like that for a while until he pulled you down on the bed with him. he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and pulled you close to him and was breathing in your scent. you weren’t sure if he had actually stopped crying, but he held you so firmly, yet so soft that you weren’t able to really look up to see his facial expression. 

you draped your arm over his torso and he tightened his grip on you. “I'm sorry for ruining our date night again”, he said in a whisper after a silent 20 minutes.

“don’t worry about that, I'm actually more worried about you”, you said while looking up to him. 

“you don’t have to”, he said while showing a weak smile.

he still had some tears around his eyes so you brought your hands up and wiped them away, caressing those places where there had been tears. “you don’t have to take every job they offer you just to show how strong you are. they know damn well how strong you are and are just making use of it.”

“I know”, he said slowly. “I just don’t want to disappoint my students.”

you thought for a second and tried your best to flick his forehead. it wasn’t painful, but it definitely left a red spot on his forehead. “your students look up to you no matter what. you not taking a job for your own well being will show them that it’s okay to take breaks or to not always be in good shape. they adore you and I'm sure that even if you don’t take certain jobs they will still do.”

he was silent for a moment, as if he was thinking. then he kissed the top of your head, breathing in at the same time. “thank you for always being there for me. thank you for keeping up with me and thank you for accepting me the way that I am.” as if that small speech wasn’t enough, he tightened his grip even more on you to show just how much he wants you by his side and just how much he is scared of losing you. so for return, you did the same thing. you wrapped your arms around his waist and tightened your grip on him. 

that’s how you fell asleep. and that's how you fell asleep every night. because he discovered that your touch and your scent was the one thing that would keep him at ease.

[trippz2ill2ace8itout]

⭐🥀TRIGGER WARNING!!

Introducing Last Night At 3AM. I Lost Control. Yet Another Breakdown, I Had about 30 breakdowns. No pity sympathy or attention. && NO I WAS NOT ON DRUGS! I'm over 1 year sober. Alvaro took over (one of my demons/alters) && Dancing Fire (another one) possessed me to the point I almost got a cop call. I don't wanna be a burden &: I wanna save fix care support be there for everyone and everything. I'm sick of being alive. But I can't do anything stupid cuz of me getting concerved to a state institution (which is way different than a mental hospital) cuz I've been in 215 mental hospitals & got diagnosed Critically/Clinically Insane plus over 10+ mental hospitals. All I have is my mom. The breakdowns the vivid flashbacks the mental illnesses getting 10x worse. No treatment will take me cuz I've been to all of them to many times. I can't process anything. My mind imprisons me. I dissociate 89 to 99% of the day. I've been thru every single sorts of treatments/medication I've had trauma 24/7 from 2001-2018. I'm losing my mind. And everyday it's the same thing and people get tired of hearing it.I'm so done with dealing with this everyday. I don't need sympathy. I just don't know man. My mom&& lil brother doesn't want me home, I can't explain what's wrong or going on. I don't wanna be a burden. I'm sorry man. I wanted to self harm again but I didn't. Imagine all my mental illnesses multiplied by 10. Imagine EVERYDAY HAVING VIVID FLASHBACKS AND 22+ Mental Breakdowns a day. I.am sorry if I'm negative. I'm sorry. I just wanna save and fix the world. When people ask me "how are u" idk how much reply. I'm sick of my mind. I feel like darkness is controlling me. I pray A LOT. Alvaro literally possesses me and gets in my body. I have mostly every mental health diagnosis there is. And NO I'M NOT PROUD OF IT I'M NOT BRAGGING OR GLORIFYING It. I just wanna help everyone and everything. Along the my mental health, I have autism, narcolepsy anorexia Etc. My diagnosis list is so long and I don't wanna be known for that. I can't even leave my house. When ever I feel a lil bit better, here comes Alvaro. But again I don't wanna be a burden. It's my job to be there for everyone else NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. I can't take this anymore. No pity sympathy or attention. I can't seek help cuz then they'll send me to a institution cuz I've been in to many mental hospitals. I'm doing the best I can. But I'm about to snap. I can't function. And I'm getting worse. I don't want attention I want to be OK. I've dealt with all this hell most of my life. It's hard to explain. On top of that. My physical state is getting worse. I'm finding more reasons to die than to live. I'm over 1 year sober. I'm a huge hypocrite when it comes out taking my own advice. I don't love myself. But i am over caring sensitive and I help obsessively. I repeat myself idk I'm just not OK. I'm losing contact with reality. I'm scared to keep going. But I got this.🥀⭐

🥀⭐Your Enough

Your Worth It.

Your Life Has Purpose

This To Shall Pass

Im here for all y'all in anyway I possibly can.

I'm sorry if I'm annoying. I'm sorry

Stay Strong && Keep Breathing ⭐🥀

🌙🌙🔥🔥🖤🖤🥀🥀HUGE TRIGGER WARNING🥀🥀🖤🖤🔥🔥🌙🌙

🥀🥀🔥🔥Hey my name is Izzy && I'm a recovering drug addict && alcoholic with over 1 year sober. This is the longest I've been sober being out of treatment. I've used mostly every drug there is. Being homeless 13 times. In 215 mental hospitals. In 3 foster homes (2 out of 3 were abusive) group homes, unlocked and locked treatment centers, rehabs shelters, crisis centers. Short and long term treatment centers. Which none will take me back cuz I've been there to many times. I've sold myself && got tortured abused raped drugged up for drugs and money to raise my unbio son, Anthony. I lost custody cuz of false accusations. I've had multiple near death experiences (some were suicide attempts && some were naturally done) my drug of choice was meth. I've had trauma 24/7 from 2001-2018, over 10+ mental illnesses. Some were caused from a few bad trips on PCP that I never came back from. I was sleeping anywhere I could rest my head, I had to be alert at all times. Tbh I havent been to a meeting in awhile. My sponsor is like family to me. I'm redoing all my steps. I'm on step 2. I've lost a shit ton of people to drugs and I was literally getting cop calls everyday. Drugs messed with my life. And having this much clean time is amazing. Most of my life I've gotten abused raped, literally tortured and drugged up. Sold. Prostituted, almost killed. But no pity sympathy or attention pls. Any clean time is good time. And I'm proud of all of you in recovery drug addiction is a special kinda hell. Drugs become your priority and your best friend. I got tortured on the daily by people coming in one by one torturing me from orders from Kimberly (my ex fiance who hung herself in front of me) it was one by one. I got so caught on in drugs that it was the only way I knew. I used to numb the pain. I'm so blessed I found God again. Now I have 22+ mental breakdowns a day every day. I found out it had a lot to do with my drug use.🔥🔥🥀🥀

🥀🖤Thank you for breathing even when u wanted to die. Drugs kill you. There's nothing about it to be proud of its serious. You Matter Yo Important Yo A Someone Yo Enough Yo Worth It Yo Have A Purpose, Yo Have A Story, A Message, A Voice, A Reason, Yo A Warrior, A Soldier, A Survivor, A Fighter. You Are U && NoOne Can Be You, But YOU. Your Life Matters YOU MATTER, Yo Life Has Value &% I'm Glad Your Alive. Thank U For Being Alive. People say that I help everyone and everything obsessively && I don't stop. It's very true. This is a shout out to my unbio son that I raised as my own, Anthony Castillo-Martinez, I met him at one of the many abusive foster homes. Where it was owned illegally by Andrea/Angela && Jimmy Miller. We got tortured daily. They were not licensed foster parents. I met Lil Toni there and I escaped with him to meet up with Kimberly. We lived in a run down hotel in LA. I became homeless again. Toni got me through so much and even tho I can't find him (he's been gone for years) your my lil baby. I will always love u. U are my world and one day I hope to see u again. I hope you have a good home now. Going to school. Just doing well in general. And I'm sorry for you witnessing what Kimberly was doing to me. I love u babes with all my heart. 🖤🥀

🖤🔥🥀I failed Cedar House twice. This was a rehab in San Bernardino, California. I lied my way out. And I regret it. Funny thing is I already read the entire NA Basic Text && The AA Big Book. I have multiple sobriety apps on my phone and I have an app that that has NA && AA Speakers on it. I'm reading the How && Why and I'm so proud of myself && I couldn't have got this far without my sponsor, Jaclyn. She understands me better than any sponsor I've had in recovery. Here's a list of my mental disorders, some were caused Or made worse by drugs and alcohol🥀🔥🖤

🌙🔥🔥Schizo-Affective, Bipolar

ADHD, OLD, ODD,

PTSD, Insomnia

Depression, Anorexia

Anxiety, Autism

Borderline Personality Disorder

Severe Brain Damage

Attachment Disorder

Dissociative Identity Fund..

Multiple Personality Disorder

Narcolepsy, Critically/Clinically Insane🔥🔥🌙

🖤🥀Listen I don't need your pity, sympathy or attention these were all diagnosed by over 5 psychiatrists, and diagnosed "Insane" by over 10 doctors. DO NOT SELF DIAGNOSE!!!! Anyways. I attempted suicide over 100 times. Self harmed in anyway possible. They say I'm the most high maintenance case in the system of California. And the next time I go to a mental hospital I'm getting sent to a state institution. I would do anything to get drugs. Jeremy && Izzie Baraz were my street partners. They both passed away. All I have left in blood family is my mom and brother. My mom. Says if I pick up drugs one more time I'm never aloud back in her house. My dad injected me with meth and heroin at age 9, he also tortured me daily. He passed away in 2011. I'm glad he's dead. But I take full responsibility for my drug and alcohol habits. And I hope I never go back. One Day At A Time.🥀🖤

🔥🥀This To Shall Pass, If Not Today There's Always Tomorrow

God, Grant Me The Serenity

To Accept The Things I Cannot Change

The Courage To Change The Things I Can. &&

The Wisdom To Know The Difference

Amen🥀🔥

🔥🔥Keep Coming Back It Works If You Work It🔥🔥

🔥🔥A Moment Of Silence, For The Addict Who Still

Suffers, In And Out Of These Rooms🔥🔥

🔥🔥Staying Clean, Im Never Going Back🔥🔥

🥀🖤I almost relapsed again on New Year's. I almost asked a stranger to buy me Vodka. But God told me to stop.

I'm Always Here 4 All Of You, No matter What.

I'd Do Anything To Keep Y'all Alive && Breathing. To Make U OK. to Save && Fix U && Take Your Pain Away. I Love Y'all. Keep Coming Back.🖤🥀

[tamiddyinyourcity]

Its really mind blowing!

Literally a few nights before, I was deadass glowing from how good things were.

And I always liked things.

Waking up and going, "Oh hey, there he is. He's still got his arm around me and everything. He looks great sleeping", or looking at his eyes.

Soft kisses awake, listening to music while drinking tea.

Sitting ontop of his Prius, (yes, that's how he got those dents,) and looking at the stars and the skyline with eachother.

Ice skating, and helping me not bust my ass several times like that.

All these cute moments are kinda dead now.

On the bright side, it was a good run. It helped me move past the last few months easier than I would've, if going solo. :)

Sucks that my Christmas plans turned from "I wanna give him something special! It's so sweet he wants me around his family for the season", to "I'll just go face down in my bed, and maybe buy a few bottles of aspirin if I *really* wanna ascend into a Holy Night."

....I'm kidding, I wouldn't use pills to kill myself, lmfao. Nah. Foaming at the mouth or falling asleep are the most pussy or depressing ways to end a life.

Or at least, not the most ideal way to end my own.

THIS IS GETTING DEPRESSING, LETS CHANGE TOPICS BRO!

I'll just not think about the future, or the past.

Both will happen at their own pace, and I cant change that.

But what I *can* do, is make sure that I eat something today.

Otherwise, I will faint, and not wake up again until its maybe two days later. Or worse, in a hospital bed.

Objective for the day:

What should I eat that will make me appreciate life some more? IHOP sounds pretty good.....

Nice.

......I wonder does he still read my blog? I think its the only think I havent blocked him on. I never blocked his phone number, but I shouldnt be out here nervous, if we know hes never gonna respond to my voicemail either.

I had a dream the other night. I went to his house to get my fireworks and my candles back, and then just to not walk away and regretting anything, I said he could say whatever he wanted to me, since he has nothing to lose.

(I figured either telling me I was a dick, that he was upset at the breakup, or whatnot would be fair game anyway.)

All I remember is him doing that awkward (yet endearing) snort-chuckle he does when he gets flustered or nervous, and saying "Well, I did check your *blog*, and....-"

Then the dream kinda cuts off.

.........kinda sad how I wish that could happen.

Whatever.

Its too soon to think he'd want anything to do with me, and too late to change the past.

All I can do is say "Fuck you, Patrick, this wasnt my fault," and "Sorry for cursing out your stupid ass friend for intruding in my business, I should have at least waited a few hours, or until the next day to see if you'd be open to talking to me about the situation again".

Which usually loops back to "But I know you wouldnt change your mind or offer any resolution, and still want it all to go your way or the highway, so Fuck you, Patrick, you absolute asshat of a person."

And then I feel alright.

.....stop procrastinating, me! I'll just end up sweating in bed all day and not doing anything. Do SOMETHING, you've got so much potential honey....

Write some more song lyrics, record a video, eat a meal; dying isn't gonna make that boy text you any sooner, or make the memories fade away any quicker.

I shouldn't feel this bad about leaving a relationship headed towards toxic territory, when he knows damn fucking well that he wouldn't feel even half as terrible as I do...

When hes the one who had chose what he chose.

2:27pm, stomach is kinda caving in. Sweating but not feeling okay enough to immediately shower, or else ill end up lying on the floor and letting the steam scald me or something. Then itll be hours, and itll get too dark to leave out.

I'll be alright. Just... forget he exists. Life has always been good. Think about your upcoming date with the other Patrick, and how good itll be to see him again. And your music and artwork. The things you want to create.

That's all. Peace out yalls, see yall later peeps. Imma go to IHOP, text laters.

[jimlingss]

Can u please please make a drabble with for the love and money? Like how is jin becoming a dad, and maybe side story of the other character like jungkook and joonie. I was re-reading it again and still so mesmerized and there still an sting feeling right into my heart❤❤ maybe because it has slice of life genre so it can be relatable and easier to read than the bed of roses. And maybe you should make a masterlist? I'm sorry if this is too much to ask. Love your work!!😚

Oh and i just realized that u already done the masterlist 😂

Aww hahaa. Dude…For Love & Money is like 17 parts…literally it’s 201 pages. ROFL. and you want more?!?!! I understand though, Bed of Roses is a pain to read - it’s no…bed of roses (haha…see what I did there?). Not trying to spoil anything but if you liked for FL&M….this next series that I’m currently writing right now….boy……you gonna die. IT’S LIKE SO GOOD. No more spoilers. 

Anyways, since you did ask…not gonna lie I did think about the aftermath of FL&M and what would happen afterwards…I would never write it though I just felt like I ended off the series perfectly. The series holds a close spot in my heart. I love it a lot too. But I guess it wouldn’t hurt to share what I think would happen….

-It’s your first kid. AND IT’S DAMN HARD. You’re mostly scared and Jin comforts you and stuff and you feel a whole lot better but in the delivyer room, you are cursing his name. screaming. everything. literally punching him in between pushes. but being the FUCKING PERFECT (I wish he was my) HUSBAND that he is, he like holds you and comforts you and tells you that you’re gonna be a great mom and he’s so happy to have a family with you and that you’re going to okay, that everything is going to be okay. So now you’re bursting into tears and crying and still cursing his name, wondering why he loves you so damn much even when you’re a mess but he at that moment doesn’t think you’re a mess. Long story short, you are okay. and you give birth to a beautiful girl.

-Your mother in law busts into the room shortly after, looking as healthy as ever, scolding Jin for not taking better care of you and she is like mama bear, tucking you in tight, asking if you’re hungry, if you’re hurting, if you’re okay. She looks at your child and almost starts crying, holding her tightly and your own mom shows up with your dad and it’s all great.

-Well…but it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. The baby cries - a lot. And though Jin wakes up in the middle of the night taking care of the child, he still has to work. He stays home for a good two weeks first but they need him. He is the CEO. So he’s gone during the day and you are just busting. You just gave damn birth, your uterus is not okay, you are like bleeding with your organs mashed inside of you and your hormones are out of WHACK. but you try to keep it together and you do…for like a good three weeks until the kid doesn’t stop crying and you don’t know what’s wrong and you havent showered in three days and you cant make dinner and the house is a mess. so when he comes home, you’re on the floor crying with the baby. He feels sooooooooo bad and you’re like telling him that you can’t do it and you know he has priorities and work but you can’t do this and you’re terrible and you don’t know what’s wrong and there’s no reason to be but you are so angry at him for not helping out more. 

-He sleeps on the couch with the baby that night and the next day, he hands her off to his mother. and when you find out you. just. go. off. like CRAZYY. Like “WHAT THE HELL? WHERE IS MY BABY? THAT’S MY BABY! YOU THINK YOU JUST GO HAND HER OFF TO SOMEONE?!” Like predatory mama bear freak out and he just kisses you and tells you that he just wants you to feel better, for you to finally spend quality one on one time with him. Everything is okay. and you calm down and you don’t freak out, you mumble a sorry and everything is a lot better. You take a shower. He cleans up. He feeds you. You feel a ton better. 

-Anyways, when things begin to calm down and the baby gets a bit older, the both of you go on vacation for that honeymoon that you never had. It’s great. Just you and him. and your parents + parent-in-laws love your kid to hell and back anyways so they’re happy to take care of her. Anyways…on the trip there’s a lot of one on one time together. I mean…like very much close quality time. (cue weekend music jk jk).  if you still don’t understand - scandalous things.

-k so like your daughter is physically replica pretty much of Jin like SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL. but she has the personality of YOU. So that means she’s as stubborn as alllllllllll hell and not very nice to deal with. The two always clashes and she’s always begging for Jin’s attention. She falls down on the ground? She runs to Jin. She wants a snack? She’ll run to Jin. She wants a story? She runs to Jin. She wants a kiss? She runs to Jin. She wants to be picked up and carried? She runs to Jin. Your relationship with her is  similar to Aeri and Yoongi’s relationship. So you like bond over it with Yoongi, the two of you grabbing beers or something at a bar one night to get away from the kids. Nonetheless, she still loves you a ton, just she likes teasing you so she specifically directs more attention onto Jin, knowing you get a little peeved. 

-Yuju freaking loves your kid. 

-Yoongi is same old Yoongi. He asks if you regret having kids, to which you respond no. When you ask him, he says ‘nope. at least not until they pee their pants in the middle of the night and come bursting into your room when you’re having sex with your wife’. You laugh. 

-You return back to work. Your daughter is sometimes left at a daycare center, usually with your parents and parent-in-law, swapping every day. 

-Jungkook officially takes over the hospital, you take him out for drinks, patting him on the back while still calling him a brat. 

-Namjoon stays over at your house one night since he had a terrible breakup of like a five year relationship and so you learn just how close he and Jin are. 

-You hang out with the three kids - Mingyu, Haru and Junseo but cause this time you have a toddler with you, you’re always watching her and you’re much too exhausted to play. Jin takes over and plays with him. They like him a lot….almost more than you (much to your dismay).

-Sana gets hitched on the weekend spontaneously, you are baffled. She says it was the most romantic thing she’s ever done. 

-Taehyung shows up out of the blue at the hospital. Turns out he got drunk and hit his head on the concrete. He tries to flirt with Sana. He almost gets punched in the face by her husband. Turns out Taehyung knows Jungkook quite well and that they’re kinda friends (only for Jungkook to shake his head).

-You finally move houses. or rather out of your apartment and into a real damn house.

-Hoseok gets married and you are so happy for him. At the wedding, Yuju brings along Dokyeom and reveals that they’re officially together. You playfully warn him. 

-Drunk off of the wedding champagne, the festivities and the love in the air you and Jin finally have that son that he’s been talking about. LOL. (flash to the future, he’s like you but has Jin’s personality so much more gentle but still childish. Your son is always a victim to his sister’s bullying. rofl.)

-Jin is a great father to your children, so much so that they love him more than you (just a little bit, much to your dismay) and occasionally you bother him or whine to him for attention since he dotes so much on your kids. He still loves you just as much. Though like any relationship, it’s not always rainbows and butterflies; you argue over petty things and act childish sometimes - you have sincerely never been happier. 

-Life goes on.