#but I still managed to grind and finish every single lab task that I had left in my todo list

[zakurohampter]

Boutta take a shower went “where are my pajamas” girl I’ve been wearing them. It’s been that type of day

[justlightlysedated]

and the last one, this one is almost 10k and is another fic for my dear @bestillmyslashyheart, where michael and alex have unhealthy coping mechanisms after max dies:

one.

The door slams shut after Michael leaves, and Alex just inhales deeply and lowers himself back into his chair, ignoring the way his stomach hurts and how badly his hands are shaking.

Michael knows exactly where to hit him where it will hurt the most, and over the last couple of weeks, Alex hasn’t really gotten any more used to the way Michael can twist every single thing he’s ever told him and use it against him.

Alex figured out early on that fighting with him makes Michael isolate himself, and then the only person getting hurt is Alex, which might suck, but he can more than handle it.

He inhales a shaky breath and turns back towards the computer system he'd set up in the lab to see if he could finish decoding the files from the last Caulfield drive.

"That isn't healthy, you know," Kyle's voice startles him enough that Alex jumps, his nerves already shot from dealing with Michael.

Alex turns towards the side of the room where Kyle had apparently been standing the whole time.

He raises an eyebrow at him, "What are you talking about?"

Kyle just gives him a look that clearly says he’s not fooling anyone.

Alex just shrugs and moves to turn back towards the computer.

“I mean this whole thing that you’re doing,” Kyle says, stepping closer and putting himself firmly in Alex’s peripheral vision. “Where you paint a target on your back and push until Michael blows up at you. I wasn’t sure exactly what you were trying to accomplish until I realized that Michael hasn’t gotten black out drunk since Noah’s funeral, he’s also not picking fights with strangers, and Liz hasn’t complained about him acting like a jerk in weeks which was a daily thing when they worked together before, especially the longer it took to get to the answer.”

Alex turns towards Kyle and studies his face trying to see if he can figure out why Kyle is telling him all of this when Alex already knows it. Kyle is staring at him with the worried eyes and furrowed brow combo that usually gets Alex to go along with his suggestions.

Alex just sighs. “Look, you don’t have to worry about me.”

Kyle gives him a look that says clearly how impossible that task is.

Alex rolls his eyes. “I’m fine.”

Kyle tilts his head at him, giving him a disbelieving look and Alex sighs again. 

“Look, what do you want me to say? I know it’s not healthy,” he says, turning to Kyle since it’s obvious that he’s not going to leave this alone. “But I’m not willing to just let him spiral when I can do something about it. And I-”

Alex looks away from Kyle, eyes darting all around the room.

“I want to be a part of his life, and if this is the only way that he will have me, then I’ll take it.”

Kyle exhales loud and rough, and Alex jumps a little when his hands grab on to his shoulders, his heart thunders in his throat, so loud in his head he swears it sounds like a door slamming shut.

Kyle looks at him, eyes serious, and Alex looks right back at him, trying not to feel like all of his emotions are on display on his face. “I’m going to tell you something that’s probably going to be hard to hear, but you need to hear it.”

Alex just blinks at Kyle nonplussed, and Kyle sighs again.

“Michael Guerin isn’t worth this,” he says and shakes Alex’s shoulders a little. “You made mistakes, but that doesn’t mean that you have to martyr yourself paying for them.”

Alex just shakes his head at Kyle and pushes him away. “Don’t worry about me,” he says again. “I know my limits, okay?”

Kyle just exhales again and moves back, shaking his head, “Fine, but I'm keeping an eye on you."

Alex just rolls his eyes again and turns back towards the computer.

-

Kyle uses the worried eyes and furrowed brow combo to send him home two hours later, and Alex drives home on autopilot.

He yawns widely as he slides out of the car, eyes closing and doesn't notice the truck until he practically stumbles into it.

He blinks sleepily and tries to remember if his fight with Michael happened last night or earlier tonight, but he can still feel the sting from his parting words, "Why are you even here? Oh, I forgot. There should always be a Manes present at an alien autopsy."

Alex just takes a deep breath and pushes himself away from the truck, making his way to the back door.

He doesn’t spot Michael until he’s almost at the door and the automatic lights flare revealing Michael sitting down in one of the lawn chairs.

Alex sighs as he turns to face him, putting his back firmly to the door so that he could make a quick getaway, his keys pressing sharply into the palm of his hand as he clenches his fists.

“Something you forgot to say earlier?” Alex asks, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible.

He’d meant what he told Kyle. He knew his limits, and one aggressive confrontation with Michael a day was more than enough.

Michael doesn’t really say anything as he gets to his feet, and moves closer to Alex.

Alex takes a step back towards the door as he gets a little too close, and Michael stops moving, eyes on Alex like he’s doing something puzzling and Michael is trying to figure it out.

Alex takes in his appearance, his hair messier than usual, his shirt on backwards, a mark too red to be blood on the collar of his white shirt, the way he seems to be swaying slightly in place, and feels a little pang in his stomach when he realizes that Michael is not only drunk, but had obviously had sex with someone.

“Look,” Alex says when all Michael does is stare at him, eyes entirely too focused for someone that Alex is pretty sure is drunk. “I’m tired, so can we just skip to the end of this argument. Yes, I’m a terrible person by virtue of being born into the wrong family. No, I absolutely bring nothing to the table but information I only know because my family tortured it out of your family. Obviously, every single choice that I have ever made about us was designed to hurt you on purpose. And I am the last person that you actually want to be around on a daily basis. Did I get it all or have I missed something?”

Michael just tilts his head to the side, eyes getting narrower the longer Alex kept speaking.

Alex just rolls his eyes a little when he still doesn’t say anything.

“Glad we had this chat,” he says and moves to turn towards the door. “We should do it again sometime.”

Alex puts the key in the lock, and then Michael is crowding in close behind him, hands coming up to cage him against the door.

The air is punched out of Alex’s lungs as he gasps, making a low noise at the back of his throat as Michael pushes in even closer when Alex doesn’t immediately protest, sliding an arm low around Alex’s hips and pressing their bodies flush together.

Michael presses his forehead against the back of Alex’s neck and breathes out. Alex shudders in his hold, blinking rapidly.

“Guerin, what?” He says his voice is more breathy than he would like.

Michael inhales deeply and makes a low noise at the back of his throat.

“Did you know that whenever I say something that really pushes your buttons and you’re fighting not to actually snap, you do this whole thing with your face where you clench your jaw and furrow your brow and your eyes get really intense?" Michael speaks, voice a low whisper, and he wraps his other arm around Alex’s shoulder and cups his jaw in his hand tilting Alex’s face to the side exposing his neck.

Michael presses his face there, lips so close to his neck, almost touching the skin of his throat but not quite.

"And it’s almost the same exact face that you make when you push in deep inside of me and are trying to stop yourself from coming or fucking me too fast,” his breath is hot against Alex’s skin, and he slides the hand on Alex’s hip beneath his shirt, palm hot and rough against Alex’s trembling stomach.

Alex swallows thickly, and he blinks rapidly a few times trying to clear his head, which is difficult to do without Michael touching him. Alex desperately tries not to remember that the last time that he had sex was with Michael.

Alex inhales to speak, and Michael presses his lips to Alex’s neck, and the words get tangled together, and he only barely manages to stop himself from moaning.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about it,” Michael admits, lips pressed to Alex’s skin, sending sparks of tingling heat down the back of his neck and all the way down his spine.

“Tried to get it out of my system,” he admits in a low voice, pushing in even closer, pressing their hips together, and Alex can’t help but let out a strangled moan at the way he can feel Michael’s hard dick right against his ass.

“But the whole time, I couldn't stop thinking about how much better it would be with you.”

He tilts Alex's head even farther and presses a biting kiss higher up on his neck, almost on the hinge of his jaw, and Alex trembles feeling his knees going weak.

"Not the first time that I thought that over the years," he keeps going, sliding his hand lower on Alex's stomach. "But it is the first time that you're right here."

He presses down on Alex's stomach, keeping him in place as he grinds his dick against Alex's ass. 

Alex's hips stutter back and he shuts his eyes tight, and his head feels heavy and hot, and he needs to think.

He blinks rapidly and tries to clear his thoughts, but then Michael opens his mouth and sucks a kiss to the back of Alex's ear, and Alex loses all coherency.

Michael bites down on his earlobe and whispers hotly into his ear, "I want to fuck you, yes or no?"

Alex thinks a little distantly that he should definitely say no, that maybe if Michael had said no the many times that Alex had whispered that in his ear they wouldn't be having the problems that they're having now.

But it's that fact, the fact that Michael didn't say no, that he let Alex take what he wanted because it was what he needed at the time.

And if Michael needs this from him, then there is no way that Alex would tell him no.

Not when it's something that he wants as well.

"Yes," he says and it sounds like it's being dragged out of him.

Michael makes a low sound at the back of his throat that sounds like relief, and he presses another kiss to Alex's neck.

-

They barely make it inside of the living room before Michael pushes him forward into the arm of the couch, making him fold in half as Michael drags his jeans down his thighs.

Alex barely manages to get his hands free and grab one of the cushions before he feels Michael’s hands on his lower back, sliding his shirt up, settling his hands on either side of Alex’s waist.

He drags his hands down, fingers rough, nails biting down as he settles his hands on Alex’s hips and tugs him backwards a little, trapping Alex's hard cock against the arm of the couch.

Alex lets Michael move him exactly where he wants him, and he barely hears the clink and zip of Michael’s belt buckle and pants being undone when Michael drags his hands back up Alex’s back, beneath his shirt, sliding his hands around to his chest, too dry fingertips dragging against his nipples.

Alex shivers and loses himself a little bit in the sensation that it surprises him, sending pleasure down the back of his neck as his voice cracks on a moan, when Michael presses in close and pushes his cock between Alex’s cheeks dragging the head across Alex’s entrance.

Alex’s fingers tighten around the cushion and he drags it to his face, pressing his cheek to it and trying to breathe.

Michael drags his hands down to Alex’s hips and a low groan falls out of his mouth as he starts to move, dragging his cock down the cleft of Alex’s ass.

Alex whimpers low in the back of his throat as Michael keeps moving, a low satisfied hum leaving his mouth, and he’s leaking heavily, leaving Alex feeling wet and sticky, and every single time the head of his cock drags across his entrance, Alex feels like he’s going more and more crazy, until he’s shaking, and he feels hot and dizzy and like he’s going to come at any moment.

“Guerin,” he croaks, pressing the side of his face to the cushion and panting against the rough material. “Are you going to fuck me or what?”

Michael makes a low amused noise and leans over him, covering him completely, before he nudges his chin down against the collar of Alex’s shirt and presses a kiss to the exposed skin, making Alex shiver and close his eyes tight.

“Oh I'm going to fuck you," Michael says in a low voice, pressing his mouth right to Alex's ear. "I'm gonna make it so good you'll be feeling it all day tomorrow."

Alex makes a low strangled sound.

"Gonna be so good for you," Michael says, voice sounding a little too desperate.

Alex just nods his head and breathes out, "Always good for me."

Michael seems to freeze behind him, barely breathing, and Alex fears that he crossed a line, and Michael is just going to leave him there high and dry, but he just presses his forehead to the back of Alex's neck and breathes in deep once before he's pulling away.

Alex barely makes a low noise in protest when Michael backs away from him, but then his hands are on Alex's back again, dragging down to his ass, nails scratching slightly before he's spreading him open.

Alex barely hears the rip and squish of a lube packet before Michael's fingers are pressing against his entrance.

Michael opens him up, fast but thorough, only barely hesitating when he has to work up to two fingers, barely brushing against his prostate.

Alex whines low in his throat, and pushes his hips back, and tells Michael that he is so ready, to hurry the fuck up, and surprisingly Michael does.

He exhales slowly, trying to calm his racing pulse, and he can hear Michael inhaling deeply before he tears open the condom wrapper which doesn’t really help him at all.

Michael wraps his hands around Alex’s hips, and presses in close, “Ready?”

Alex inhales deeply and before he can answer Michael is pushing inside of him,

It pushes a strangled sound of his throat, and he turns his face and bites down on one corner of the cushion, fingers going even tighter, as Michael slowly presses inside until his hips are flush to Alex’s ass, the cold belt buckle and the rough material of his jeans rubbing against the backs of Alex’s thighs.

Michael leans down, pressing his forehead to the middle of Alex’s back, grunting low in his throat.

He barely gives Alex enough time to adjust before he’s moving, standing up straight, hands hooked around Alex’s hips as he starts to fuck him, too fast and too hard to actually keep a steady rhythm, but every thrust he brushes across Alex’s prostate, and it punches out a low moan out of Alex’s mouth every single time.

Neither of them last long, and Michael groans out Alex’s name as he comes, leaning back over him, pressing his hot and sweaty forehead to the back of Alex’s shirt, making him feel even hotter and like he’s about to spontaneously combust.

Alex comes right after him with a moan, Michael’s name mangled beneath it as he buries his face in the cushion, feeling like he’s coming apart at the seams.

Michael stays pressed close for the few seconds it takes Alex to blink back into his body, and then he moves, pulling out and taking a few staggered steps back.

Alex feels his next inhale get trapped sharp and painful in his throat, and he tightens his fingers even more around the cushion as he hears Michael inhale and exhale deeply before there are more footsteps, leading towards the back door.

Alex feels a little too exposed and a little too vulnerable, but in a way that he doesn’t like at all.

Alex doesn’t hear the door close, so he knows that Michael isn’t actually leaving, but the fact that he even left at all hurts in a way that he feels really deep in his chest and the pit of his stomach, sharp and insistent like a stab wound.

He moves then, standing, and hissing at the ache he feels in his thighs and in his lower back and in places that he’d forgotten could ache like that.

He drags his pants back on, but doesn’t bother to button them as he staggers to sit on the couch.

He doesn’t want to take his prosthetic off, not when he already feels an exposed nerve, but it’s pinching in a way that he knows isn’t good.

He exhales in relief as he tugs it off, and then he’s leaning back against the couch, exhaling roughly, and lifting a hand to his head.

He feels a pressure behind his eyelids, and he’s so exhausted that a few tears manage to leak out of the corners of his eyes.

He hears the scrape of Michael’s boots against the floor, and he leans forward, wiping at his face, and then breathing in carefully.

He feels hot and sweaty and like he needs to take a shower, several showers, but also exposed and almost fragile in a way that he hadn’t really expected to come after having sex with Michael.

Michael doesn’t say anything, but he sits down on the arm of the chair, and Alex feels something cold hitting the side of his arm, and when he looks over it’s to see a half empty bottle of cheap whiskey.

He doesn’t really think about it when he takes the bottle and drinks.

He takes several long swallows, ignoring the taste, and then lowers the bottle from his mouth, handing it over to Michael, and gagging at the aftertaste of the whiskey.

Michael makes a low sound, but grabs the bottle before it falls to the floor.

Alex swallows a few times, and then he hears the flick of a lighter and then the smell of cigarette smoke fills the air.

He turns to Michael, who lowers the cigarette from his mouth and holds it out to Alex, blowing a stream of grey smoke out of the corner of his mouth.

Alex takes the cigarette from his fingers and takes a drag, glad at least to chase the taste of whiskey out of his mouth.

They pass the cigarette back and forth, but Alex shakes his head when Michael tries to pass him the bottle.

Alex wants him to say something, anything, something that will make this sick feeling in the pit of Alex’s stomach go away, but he doesn’t say a word.

He drinks the rest of the whiskey and then drops the cigarette into the empty bottle and leaves the bottle on the floor by Alex’s prosthetic.

He doesn’t say a word as he gets up, and then seems to hesitate, before he exhales roughly and then leaves.

Alex stares at the way the streetlights from out of the window shine off the bottle on the floor, and listens as Michael closes the door and then starts his truck and leaves.

He exhales shakily and leans down, pressing his forehead to his knees and closing his eyes, an arm wrapped around his stomach.

He breathes in and out, and fights the urge to cry, and thinks that maybe, he doesn’t have the situation as under control as he thought he did.

two.

“We need to talk,” Alex says when Michael opens the door to the Airstream after he knocked so hard that the trailer shook with it.

Michael leers at him, so Alex holds up the folder where he’d put all the information that he could find about unexplained disappearances in Roswell and corresponding Project Shepherd files.

Michael just exhales roughly and turns to head back into the Airstream, and Alex follows after him.

“I know you asked me for this weeks ago,” he says, setting the folder down on the counter to open it. 

He hasn’t really slept in the last two days. Kyle has been busy at work and fielding World War Ortecho, so he hasn’t been around to make Alex act like a normal human person.

He looks over to Michael, mouth open to continue speaking, and the words dry up in his mouth.

Michael lets his shirt drop on the floor, and then he snaps the button of his jeans open and they slide down low on his hips, letting Alex see that he’s definitely not wearing any underwear.

Alex closes his mouth and licks his lips and then looks away.

He told himself that this wasn’t going to happen again, that it was a phenomenally bad idea, especially because it means something completely different to him than it does to Michael.

He had thought that that first time would’ve been it. It had been a lapse of judgement on both their parts, born of frustration, and he had figured that Michael was probably going to avoid him for a while, but that hadn’t been what happened at all.

It wasn’t like their relationship had improved at all. Michael still acted like a complete asshole to everyone, even more so to Alex. They still got into arguments in the middle of the lab when it was late and they were the only two in there. Alex still pushed Michael when he snapped at anyone else in his frustration, making Michael turn on him, and ignored the worried looks that Kyle and Liz shared.

Alex hears Michael kicking off his jeans, and he tries not to think about the fact that he’s already succumbed to this two more times during the last ten days.

“I have some other stuff saved in a f-file,” Alex stutters over his words and they die in his mouth as Michael moves closer, pressing against his side.

Alex inhales deeply trying to calm himself, but that’s a mistake, he knew it was before he’d even taken the breath.

Michael’s scent fills his head, hot and heady, like a humid summer night. The fact that Alex can tell that he hasn’t showered since the last time that they had sex should really be a turn off, but it punches Alex in the stomach with a need so visceral he gasps.

Michael sets a hand low on his back, palm searing against his skin even through the material of his shirt.

“You really came here to talk?” Michael asks, leaning in even closer and pressing a kiss to Alex’s jaw, and when he nudges his nose against his chin, Alex tips his head to the side, letting Michael trail his lips down Alex’s neck.

“Wait,” Alex says, voice airy, but firm, as he moves, taking a step away from Michael and putting some distance between them. He turns towards Michael, which is another mistake, maybe he should just avoid coming to the Airstream from now on.

Michael doesn’t actually wait, almost like he knows exactly what Alex is thinking and what he’s planning to do, he moves, practically stalking forward, and Alex barely has time to lift his hands up before Michael is crowding into his space, pushing him back towards the counter until it’s pressing uncomfortably across Alex’s ass.

Alex’s hands are resting on Michael’s shoulders, fingers stretched out as he tries to stop himself from pulling him in even closer.

He licks his lips and looks at Michael and freezes.

Michael is staring at him in a way he hasn’t in a long time, eyes wide and bright and something new and strange swirling in them that Alex didn’t recognize before but now knows is hope and love and then his eyes drop to Alex’s mouth, and Alex can’t really stop himself from reacting.

He drags his fingers up into Michael’s hair, and Michael’s eyes flutter close, and he sways forward a little, and Alex pushes forward the rest of the way, their noses brush, and then Michael inhales sharply, and moves, pushing Alex back against the counter, and ducking his head, to nudge Alex’s chin up with his nose and press a kiss to the hollow of his neck before moving lower and biting down, sucking the skin into his mouth.

Alex bites down on the noise that wants to leave his mouth, squeezing his eyes shut tight as he tangles his fingers in Michael’s hair, and he remembers the reason why he wanted to put a stop to this.

It wasn’t because he didn’t want it, because he wanted Michael in any way that he could have him, but Michael hasn’t kissed him. He puts his mouth on every single part of Alex’s body but never his mouth. And there are a lot of things that Alex is willing to put up with, but this is a level of impersonalization that he doesn’t want from anyone, least of all from Michael.

He pushes Michael back, and moves so that he’s not trapped and has a direct line to the still open door.

“I can’t stay long,” he says as firmly as he can, but it doesn’t seem to deter Michael, who looks too amused as he listens to Alex speak.

“I have an appointment to get to in less than an hour,” which was a lie, but Michael didn’t need to know that.

“And I really just came to drop off the file,” he keeps going. “But next time I’ll be sure to give it to you before you leave the lab.”

Michael’s amused face shutters at that, and Alex feels a small measure of relief.

Alex just nods his head when Michael doesn’t respond, and he turns around to head towards the door.

He barely makes it one step before Michael is moving close behind his back, hands wrapped around Alex’s upper arms as he pulls him back, pressing so close that Alex can feel every single inch of him, too hot and too close.

“Stay,” Michael says, voice pitched low, and there is a hint of something almost needy in his voice, that it makes Alex’s eyes fall shut.

Michael pushes in closer, and noses along the back of Alex’s neck, pressing a kiss the skin right above the collar of his shirt, and whispers something too low for Alex to hear, but his fingers go even tighter around Alex’s arms.

Alex can bench press over three hundred pounds, can get in the ring with anyone and come out as the last one standing, can withstand torture, and he has an extremely high pain tolerance level, and still, he’s so weak when it comes to Michael Guerin.

-

Michael slides off the bed, and heads towards the shower, turning the water on and ducking inside while Alex tries to catch his breath and convince his legs that it’s time to move.

He can feel the sting of several hickies on his neck, and he wishes that humans reacted the same to acetone that the aliens did and he could just dab some on the bruises and they’d be gone within the hour.

Michael takes quick showers, and Alex wants to be gone before he comes out.

He manages to drag himself off the bed and into his clothes before the shower shuts off and is in process of putting his sneakers back on when he hears the sounds of a car pulling in and parking, since they didn’t exactly bother to close the door since it was way too early on a Wednesday morning.

Michael’s phone rings where he has it on his desk, and Alex just turns towards it, biting down on his lip and wondering which one of their friends is out there, and if he could get away with saying that he just came to drop off the files.

Liz might buy it if he leaves fast and doesn’t talk too much to her and hopes that she doesn't notice the hickies, but even if he did hide them, Kyle would know immediately what happened and spend another week giving Alex worried eyes as though Alex is about to drop dead at any second, instead of just dropping into Michael's bed.

Isobel would use it against him the next time they interacted, since she loved to throw things in his face when he least expected it.

“Guerin! You home!” he hears Maria yelling, and closes his eyes tightly. She was the last person that he was expecting to come here this early in the morning.

He can hear her boots crunching against the gravel as she gets closer, but before he can figure out what to do, or what to say, Michael is walking past him, pulling up the same jeans he'd been wearing earlier as he goes, hair wet and dripping to his shoulders and down the back of his neck.

"Hey, DeLuca," Michael drawls as he walks out the door, barely giving Alex a passing glance. "Operating hours aren't for another hour, unless you're here for the other kind of service."

His voice is flirty, but not serious, which Maria seems to know from the scoff he can hear, and it's the only reason that Alex doesn't give into the panic attack threatening to take over.

If there was one person that he didn't want to know that he and Michael were having sex, however impersonal it was, it was Maria. And there was no way to disguise what had happened, not with a freshly showered Michael and the fact that Alex knows how he looks, with his messy hair and the stretched out, wet collar of his shirt, and the hickies on his neck.

And anyway, even if he could deny it, Maria was smart enough to figure out the truth.

Maybe, Alex could pretend that he was invisible and hope that whatever it was that Maria wanted would either not take too long or take them away from the front of the Airstream.

"None of the above," Maria answers, and Alex can hear the sounds as she nervously shifts from foot to foot.

"I just haven't seen you at the Pony in a while. and the last time you were there, there seemed like something was seriously bothering you, but you were too busy at the time, so I didn't ask, but I just wanted to make sure that you were doing okay."

She sounds genuinely worried, but the inflection that she gave the word 'busy' tells Alex that whatever Michael had been busy with had hurt her enough that she kept her distance until now. He closes his eyes and breathes in deeply.

"I'm fine," Michael says, and Alex knows that he's lying. "Things aren't flowers and roses, but they never have been for me. You don't have to worry about me, DeLuca, I got things under control."

Alex hears Maria inhaling to speak, and then his phone rings, loud and demanding from wherever it had dropped when Michael had pulled off his jeans.

Alex looks around, a little frantic and takes longer than he should've looking for the phone. He manages to find it right as it stops ringing, and he sighs when he sees that Liz was the one calling, meaning that she had been the one to call Michael earlier.

The phone rings again in his hands, and it's Liz again, so he answers it, pulling the phone up to her ear.

"What do you need?" He asks her, turning away from the door, and ignoring the fact that if Maria looked through the window, she could probably see him, now that he's standing.

"A new lab partner," she says, sounding a little sullen. "Call Guerin and tell him to bring me back my samples, dammit!"

Alex exhales roughly, "Have you tried calling him?"

Alex can hear Liz rolling her eyes, "He only answers your calls when it's not an emergency."

Alex wants to protest that that's not true, but before he can say anything, Liz is hanging up the phone.

Alex pulls the phone away from his ear, and hears Michael saying a little too callous, "I'm a free agent, DeLuca. I don't have to explain myself to you."

"You know," Maria says, sounding upset, voice shaking a little. "You have a funny way of showing a girl that you're not interested. If you're so keen on staying a free agent, then why did you try to kiss me that night?"

Alex exhales roughly and tightens his finger around his phone and really, he was trying to spare Maria more pain, but it seems like out of the three of them, he's the only one who cares about that.

"I wanted to get laid," Michael says, and Alex really doesn't want to be here for the rest of this conversation.

He inhales deeply, clenching his jaw, and walks out of the Airstream.

Michael and Maria both turn towards him.

Maria inhales sharply and Alex can see her turning away and covering her mouth with her hand. 

Michael raises an eyebrow at Alex, face entirely too amused for the situation, but Alex can tell that it's a mask. His eyes definitely don't lie, and they're telling Alex that this is literally the last thing that he ever wanted to happen.

Alex just swallows and drops down the last step.

"Call Liz," he says, looking away from Michael and catching Maria's gaze.

Maybe, if his face had looked even half as upset as Maria’s does right now, when she found out about Michael and him, she wouldn’t have decided that how he felt didn’t matter, but it was too late for that now.

He tries to smile but he knows it falls short when she frowns even more.

He just shakes his head and walks to his car as fast as he can.

He gets in the driver's seat and closes the door on Maria turning to Michael, "You're sleeping with Alex?!"

Alex starts the car and leaves before either of them can drag him back into that conversation.

-

“How long have you been sleeping with Michael?” Maria demands, walking into his house before he even gets a chance to welcome her inside.

Alex turns towards her confused, and closes the door, “On and off for the last ten years?”

Maria gives him a look as if to say that's not what she meant.

Alex inhales deeply and just shrugs a little, settling his shoulders deliberately so that he's not on the defensive. He has no reason to be defensive around Maria.

"For the last week or so," he finally says when she just keeps staring at him.

She scoffs disbelieving, shaking her head a little as she turns and paces once, before turning back to face him. "And you didn't think to give me a heads up? Maybe stop me from making such a fool of myself?"

Alex just exhales, and gives Maria a look, "I didn't think I needed to. The last I heard of it, you told me that it meant nothing and that it was never going to happen again."

Maria looks away at that, blinking rapidly.

"And also, I didn't say anything because there's nothing to say."

Maria turns back to face him. 

"There's everything to say," she says,  contradicting him. "You're having sex with Michael."

Alex scoffs and shakes his head. "It's not like I'm the only person he fucked this week."

Maria flinches at that, but throws him a hard look, eyes glinting a little bit like she's upset at him. "Yeah, but it's different when it's you."

Alex shakes his head, "No it's not."

Maria makes another low disbelieving sound at the back of her throat. "I've spent weeks thinking that Michael and I had an actual chance at turning this thing between us into a real relationship, when in reality it was as hopeless as he said."

Her voice goes a little desolate, hitting Alex a little in the chest, but at the same time her words twist at his insides, anger and jealousy, spiking momentarily before he inhales deeply and calms himself, clenching his jaw.

"I wouldn't know," he says, and Maria's gaze snaps back to him. "Michael and I have never really had a relationship."

She furrows her brow at him. "But you're in love with him."

"One doesn't negate the other,"' Alex says, looking away from her and over the dark living room. "But we're not good for each other," he continues a little scathing. "So it's not like it matters."

Maria just tilts her head at him, and her gaze becomes a little too intense and Alex just shakes his head, "No, this is why we're in this mess in the first place."

"No," Maria says, glaring at him a little. "We're in this mess because you refuse to actually talk to me about the important stuff!"

"The same can be said about you!" Alex snaps back, and Maria just bites down on her bottom lip and looks away.

"I'm just confused," she says with a sigh. "What exactly are you doing with Michael if you really think that?"

Alex raises an eyebrow, "Pretty sure you're the one who walked in here asking me if I was sleeping with him, and it's been a few months since the last time I actually woke up next to him."

Maria closes her eyes tightly and shakes her head once before opening her eyes again.

"So what you're saying is that it's just sex?" She asks him, voice tight.

Alex licks his lips and nods his head once.

"Just sex with someone you're in love with?" She continues and her eyes go really sad in a way that makes Alex bristle immediately.

“Look,” he says and shakes his head a little. “What exactly do you want me to say? That it was a mistake and won’t happen again? Because I can’t promise you that.”

Maria blinks at him a few times, “What exactly are you trying to say?”

“That as long as he wants me, I’m going to be here, in any way that that means.”

Maria licks her lips and her brow furrows and her eyes go more worried than they have been in his direction in a while. 

“Alex,” she starts, and Alex shakes his head, taking a step backwards towards the door.

“I already have enough with Kyle to deal with. And I’m only willing to put up with him because at least I can trust that he doesn’t have ulterior motives.”

Maria shakes her head at him, giving him a disbelieving look. “I don’t have ulterior motives. I’m worried about you. This situation you’re in right now isn’t good for either of you.”

“And I already know that,” Alex says. “It still doesn’t change anything.”

Maria exhales and gives him a look like she can’t believe that he said that.

“Listen,” he continues, when it looks like she’s going to try to say something else to convince him to stay away from Michael. “The minute that he decides that he’s actually done with me and wants to actually try something with you, I will stand aside. But he’s not yours, any more than he’s mine, and I don’t owe it to you to stay away anymore than you owe it to me.”

Maria stares at him for a long moment before she nods her head once, and moves to walk past him, to the door.

She stops right beside him, and reaches out to grab his hand.

“You don’t have to worry about me,” she says. “It’s obvious that things aren’t exactly like how I thought they were. But please, take care of yourself.”

Alex just nods his head, but she just gives him a look like she doesn’t believe him.

She lets go of his hand and walks out without saying anything else.

Alex exhales roughly, before he turns towards the door and locks it. He presses his forehead against the door and closes his eyes.

Maybe he should stay away from Michael for a few days, maybe a break right now would be what’s best for all of them.

He pushes away from the door and rubs his hands across his face and into his hair, before he shakes and walks towards the kitchen. 

What he needs is a drink, and then a shower, and then he’ll come up with a plan.

three.

Damian insists on walking Alex to the front door. "Didn't you hear? There's a serial killer on the loose."

Alex just raises an eyebrow in return. "I can take care of myself."

"God, that's hot," is the only comment that Damian makes.

Alex just rolls his eyes, but he lets Damian open the car door for him and lead him to his front door.

Alex slows down as they get to the door turning towards him and Damian looks around, eyes focusing at some point over Alex’s shoulder.

Alex tilts his head, studying Damian’s face as he inhales deeply and then looks at Alex, eyes determined. 

“How do you feel about kisses at the end of the first date?”

Alex straightens up, tilting his chin forward slightly, and he thinks about the fact that he had a really good time, even though he only went on the date because Kyle had told him that Damian was a good guy.

And he was a good guy and also funny and apparently didn’t have much of a filter, but Alex kind of liked that.

Alex thinks that maybe he could actually have a relationship with someone like Damian, but he also knows that it would be an exercise in futility.

Still.

Alex reaches for him, cupping his jaw in his hands and pulling him in close. Damian moves easily into the kiss that Alex places on his mouth, chaste and swift.

He pulls away, feeling a little bit disappointed that he didn’t exactly feel anything, and Damian blinks his eyes open, looking at Alex with eyes that are shining too bright.

“I’m definitely calling you later,” he states.

Alex just shakes his head and lets him go, “I might answer.”

Damian just laughs and turns around walking towards his car.

Alex stays standing there until he gets in his car, and Damian turns back to look at him twice, before he waves as he opens the driver’s seat and gets inside.

Alex waves back shaking his head and then he turns to open the door.

All in all, he thinks, it’s been a pretty good day.

He’d come back home from spending a few weeks in Washington after he’d volunteered for a consultation job, and Kyle had blindsided him with a blind date.

He was tired, but at least he’d gotten a free meal out of it.

He walks inside of his house, closing and locking the door behind himself before he turns the light on, before he turns around and finds Michael, leaning against the back of the couch, arm’s crossed, a frown on his face that deepens when he looks at Alex and the smile on Alex’s face drops.

Alex hadn’t even realized that he’d been smiling until that moment.

Alex hasn’t seen him since he’d told everyone that he was leaving for a few weeks. 

He had waited until the last possible moment, and then had been gone before Michael could confront him alone.

He squares his shoulders and clenches his jaw and tries not to let it show that his heart is beating too fast, and his hands are clammy, and it feels like a million butterflies fluttering in the pit of his stomach.

"What are you doing here, Guerin?" He asks when Michael just continues to look down at the floor like it's the most fascinating thing he's ever seen.

Michael just breathes in deeply, but still doesn't look up at him as he speaks.

"You missed the big resurrection," he says, voice coming out almost accusing, but not quite.

Alex nods his head, "Yeah, sorry. I figured I wasn't really needed."

Michael looks up at that, "We couldn't have done this without you."

Alex tilts his head at that, thinking it over before he shakes his head. "No, I'm pretty sure Kyle would've figured everything out eventually. In the long term, Rosa did more than I did. All I have is a wealth of knowledge that I only know because my family has spent generations hunting and torturing aliens."

Michael makes a low sharp sound at that, but then he's shaking his head. 

"I didn't come here to fight about that," he says and pushes away from the couch, boots making a low clicking sound against the tile floor as he steps closer. 

Alex swallows hard and stands his ground, “Then I’m not exactly sure why you came then.”

Michael just shakes his head, and stops right out of arm’s reach, stuffing his hands in his pockets and staring at Alex for a long moment, eyes intense.

“Who was that guy?” he asks, motioning towards the door with his chin.

Alex rolls his eyes a little. "A friend," he says shortly. "Kyle introduced us."

Michael licks his bottom lip and gives Alex a half smirk. "Right," he shakes his head.

And Alex wonders if he's jealous and then squishes the thought down.

"You kiss all your friends on the mouth then?" He asks, almost blurts out, voice full of accusations.

Alex just scoffs, and rolls his eyes again when Michael looks back at him, brow furrowed.

"I don't really have to explain myself to you. Guerin," he says, raising both of his eyebrows. "You've made it more than clear that what we currently have is going to be the extent of our relationship. So you don't get a say if I decide to date someone else."

Michael makes a low protesting sound and steps forward, "So it was a date."

Alex sighs exasperated, "And what if it was? Why do you even care?"

Michael just stares at him for a long moment, looking at Alex like he can't believe that he's actually that stupid.

He moves which Alex had been expecting, backing him up into the door, and Alex lifts his hands to Michael's shoulders, gathering the fabric of his shirt in his hands and moving to push him backwards when Michael cages him in and leans in close, pressing his forehead to Alex's and exhaling roughly.

Alex inhales sharply and feels the air get caught painfully in his throat.

He stares at Michael from way too close, each breath shuddering in his chest as Michael’s eyes fall shut and he breathes in deeply.

Alex exhales slowly, and Michael’s eyes flutter open.

He moves back a little, enough that Alex can actually look into his eyes, which are bright and clear. He looks a lot more sober than he has in what feels like months, and Alex doesn’t know if that has anything at all to do with his absence the last couple of weeks.

Michael blinks a little and then his eyes fall to Alex’s mouth and then back up to his eyes, a question very clearly on his face, but it’s almost like he doesn’t know how to ask Alex.

“Alex,” he says, voice low and right on the edge of desperate.

Alex licks his lips, inhaling deeply, and that seems to be the last straw.

Michael pushes back into his space, caging Alex in, forearms pressed on either side of Alex’s head, braced against the door. He leans in, noses brushing together as he pushes in even closer.

Alex barely has time to inhale sharply before Michael is too close, just barely brushing their lips together.

The move is so slight, but Alex feels it like a punch to the stomach.

He makes a low sound, more of a sob than a groan, and his hands are trembling when he slides his hands up and cups Michael’s jaw, fingers maybe a little too rough, as he tugs him in a little bit closer.

Michael makes a low noise at the back of his throat and his lips part against Alex’s and Alex tilts his head slightly, and moves his chin forward and presses their mouths together just a bit harder, but also soft and trembling, feeling like he just might break into a million little pieces.

Michael takes that as all the permission that he needs.

He moves his arms, crossing them behind Alex’s neck, and making his head tip backwards a little awkward, but he forgets about all of that when Michael presses in closer, pushing up on his toes as he kisses Alex hard and rough, biting down on his bottom lip and licking into his mouth.

Alex drags his hands back into Michael’s hair and twists his fingers around the curls and holds on tight.

He feels terrified, like this is all a dream. Every single part of his body is shaking, his skin feels like it’s on too tightly, it feels like he just may shake and fall apart at the seams at any second, but then Michael pushes in even closer until they’re pressed together so tightly against the door that all Alex can feel is Michael and the overwhelming heat of him, so solid and real.

And Alex feels himself slipping under.

He had told himself that this couldn’t happen again, but he hadn’t expected Michael to kiss him.

He had planned to tell Michael that this couldn’t happen again, that they needed to set up some boundaries, especially if they had to continue to work together, but he should’ve expected that Michael would’ve picked now to do something like this.

Alex tugs against Michael’s hair, and pulls him backwards, and Michael goes unwillingly, whining low in the back of his throat.

Alex inhales deeply, licking his lips and blinking rapidly and trying to figure out exactly what he wants to say, but it’s difficult when they were still pressed so close together, and when Michael just pulls against his hold and tightens his arms around Alex’s neck, pushing in close and kissing him again, deep and wet and all consuming.

Alex sinks into the kiss, dragging his hands down Michael's back, and wrapping him tighter in his arms.

Michael pushes into the nonexistent space between them, dragging his hands to Alex's jaw and pushing Alex's head back until their lips part with a gasp, and he presses his forehead to Alex’s cheek and just breathes raggedly.

Alex swallows hard and blinks rapidly, eyes focusing on the dark ceiling.

“Alex,” Michael repeats, voice cracking a little, sounding like both the question and the answer that Alex was looking for.

“Yes,” Alex says, moving his hands into Michael’s hair, and urging him backwards a little to get a good look at his face.

Michael looks at him, eyes too wet and too wide, and just too much for Alex to bear.

Alex pulls him into another kiss, and Michael moves into it eagerly like all he’d been waiting for was for Alex to kiss him, like he wasn’t the one who’d been pulling away every single time that Alex had tried.

He pulls away then, and Alex makes a low protesting sound, but Michael just shakes his head once, hands moving up to tangle in the short strands of Alex’s hair.

He stares at Alex for a second before he’s breathing in deeply.

“I want-” he starts to say, but Alex is already nodding his head before he can even finish.

“Anything,” he says a little recklessly, but at the moment, Alex would do anything if Michael would just keep kissing him.

Michael’s lips twitch into a half smile, and he just shakes his head a little before he’s tugging Alex back in for another kiss.

Alex pushes into the kiss, pushing away from the door.

Michael staggers backwards a few steps, but he snags his fingers tight in Alex’s hair and drags him along with him.

Alex loses track of his surroundings and doesn’t exactly realize that Michael is leading them somewhere, too busy fitting his fingers against the back of Michael’s neck and keeping their mouths locked together.

Alex feels the backs of his shins hit something solid, and then Michael’s hands are dragging down to his chest and he’s pushing Alex backwards.

Alex stumbles to sit back on the couch, and he swallows hard, feeling his pulse jumping erratically.

Michael looks down at him and then inhales deeply before he’s reaching towards the back of his neck and tugging his shirt over his head in one fast movement.

Alex barely gets his hands on the collar of his jacket, before Michael is dropping into his lap, sliding fingers into his hair and tugging his head back roughly before dragging a hard kiss across his mouth.

It takes them longer than it has the last couple of times they’ve done this to get naked enough. 

Michael kisses him until his mouth feels numb and there is a slow, heady heat sinking deep into his bones, rocking on Alex’s lap in uncontrolled movements until he’s hard and aching, hands tugging desperately against his belt loops.

Michael pulls away three times, and all three times Alex slides his hands into his hair and tugs him back to his mouth.

Alex wants so many things, but more than that, he doesn’t want to stop kissing him, and from the way Michael sinks into the kiss with minimal protest every time, he doesn’t want to stop kissing Alex either.

He pulls back a fourth time, lips making a soft slick sound as he does, and Alex slides his hands down to Michael’s jean clad thighs and rubs against the rough material restlessly.

Michael makes a low noise in agreement and rocks his hips down on Alex’s lap, punching a breathless moan out of Alex’s mouth.

“Okay, okay,” Michael says and then he’s sliding out of Alex’s lap.

Alex makes a sound in protest and Michael just shakes his head as he kicks his boots off while settling his hands on his belt buckle.

Alex stares a little too long as Michael slides his jeans off, and barely has his own pants and underwear down his thighs, before Michael is sliding back into his lap.

Michael kisses him and Alex settles his hands one either side of Michael’s waist, sliding them down to his hips and tugging him in closer.

Michael moves with the touch eagerly, and the move pushes their cocks together.

Michael kisses him for what feels like both an eternity and no time at all, rocking down on Alex's lap, dragging Alex's shirt up and out of the way to move even closer and grind their cocks together on Alex's stomach, making low moaning sounds at the back of his throat with every push.

Michael kisses Alex until he's dizzy and lightheaded and his hands are on Michael's ass, fingers digging in as he keeps him as close as he can.

Michael drags fingers into Alex's hair and pulls his head back, pulling their mouths apart with a gasp. Alex's head drops back to the back of the couch, and he blinks up at the dark ceiling, spots swimming in his vision. 

Michael presses his forehead to Alex's chin and slows the speed of his hips, dragging out the movement, making Alex whine low in the back of his throat.

"Wanna ride you," Michael says in a low wrecked voice, pushing his forehead harder against Alex's chin. "Been thinking about it for weeks."

Alex makes a low noise in agreement and squeezes Michael's ass in his hands before he's dragging his fingers down the cleft and rubbing his dry fingers against Michael's entrance.

"Lube?" He asks, and Michael just leans over and pushes his hand in between the couch cushions, pulling out a tube of lube that looks half finished.

Alex didn't know that that was there, but he's not surprised. They barely make it to the couch every single time this happens in Alex's house, so it's not surprising that Michael has lube stashed there.

four.

--Liz tells Alex that Michael left early cause he and Maria are going on a date, and Alex very nearly breaks delicate lab equipment, when Kyle comes, Alex makes excuses to leave

--he needs to get away from Roswell for a bit so he goes to the cabin

--he gets woken up by Michael, and they argue in bed, and Michael asks him if he loves him, and Alex fights him, and then says yes, and Michael tells him that he wants to try again, and Alex asks him what he’s actually trying to say, and Michael tells him, “I’m saying yes.”