#but I think my discontent with my body stemmed from insecurities from people with ignorant opinions

[littlemissazure]

🍀 & 🐻 & 🌈

Mah Pet-teet! 💗💗💗

🍀: My fave thing about being LGBT? It’s nice to feel comfortable in your own skin by expressing it and be with people who can support you as they can relate with what you are, with your struggles and feelings. I never have had much connection with something that I identified as; like I’m of Polish descent, I think it’s pretty cool and I think Polish culture is fascinating to learn about but I never had the opportunity to celebrate being it, you know? No one in the family has strong ethnic pride and was treated as NOT A BIG DEAL and as much as I wanted to get in touch with it, I guess it didn’t come so easily because I’d be the only one who wanted to truly feel like it’s something to celebrate. But maybe one of these days, I can make some traditional Polish dishes. :-)

But despite that, I can definitely celebrate being queer as I feel that it’s a core part of my identity. It’s easier for me to feel like I belong with it.

🐻: My favorite animal? Ooh. Birds are probably my first pick, but I also like dogs, bears, rays, and fireflies!

🌈: Orientation and gender? Here I got some in depth rambling under the cut for you.

TL;DR: Pansexual, cisfemale.

I got it in my bio but I’m pretty well associated with being pansexual (because I acknowledge that there’s more than just the two kinds of men and women, and someone’s identity alone is not a nagging factor for my attraction and connection to them like it does with some other people. I usually describe my identity as:

“I like what I like”-sexual. It’s by far the easiest summary of explaining how I am to people. But GOD, IT IS FRUSTRATING SOMETIMES, because people always follow up with questions like “Does this mean that you’re open to fuck anything? Like animals, children, inanimate objects, and *insert transphobic comment here*?” I FUCKING HATE THAT SHIT. JUST BECAUSE I’M NOT AS ONE-TRACK-MINDED WITH SEXUAL ATTRACTION LIKE YOU ARE DOESN’T MEAN I DON’T HAVE A STEADY MORAL COMPASS WHO UNDERSTANDS AND HAS CORE PRINCIPLES ABOUT THE IMPLICATIONS, LEGALLY, MORALLY, AND HEALTH WISE, ABOUT GETTING OFF TO EVERYTHING. There’s better alternatives to having orgasms that isn’t illegal and/or jeopardizing the health and well-being of others. 

Goddamn, I’m not even that crazy about sex, anyway. I’ve had a weird history with it, because I haven’t had it in the way people normally do. Besides, It’s not like I can’t just fucking get off myself when I need to. Oh wait, yes, I can!

But the problem with the label is that some people have different definitions in their head with what it is; some think that the label was made up just for “progressivism points”, a “trendier version of bisexuality”, etc. And conversely, people who do support it think that it means that you’re attracted to “(cis)men, (cis)women, gender nonconforming people, and trans people” (which puts trans people into a different category than cis people in this context, which, to me, implicates that you don’t 100% believe in who they say that they are, and it contradicts prior statements about being supportive because you’re invalidating who they say that they are by doing that. So I don’t like that definition of pansexuality, seems like it’s taking one step back in that sense, you know what I mean? That’s my opinion, anyway.

But then again, people has always had an issue with orientations outside of heterosexuality. So when people just write it off as “fake” or “delusional”, I can’t really agree with them because they sound like they’re recycling the things that have always been said about LGBT+.

Like fuck, dude. There’s some labels on here that I don’t even understand myself. I won’t deny that there are some eccentrics on here who seem to really wanna be different just for the sake of being different, you know? Yeah, NGL, I’ve made a little fun of how incredulous some of these Tumblr biographies are, but I’m not gonna go out of my way to point it out to them. Ultimately, I cannot control how they feel about their identity and they are the only ones who can truly figure out who they are, and if they’re not being disgusting demons or obnoxious assholes about it, I normally don’t bat an eye at them. Just close the page and continue my daily scrolling of content. I don’t have to understand or even be a part of all the nuances of a concept like sexual orientation just to support them or at least, be indifferent to it. 

I realize that there’s people in my life who don’t understand the concept of being pan, so I describe it my sexuality like it’s an ice cream bar, which seems to help them understand me and others better:

Out of all the selections to pick from, some like one popular flavor and stick with that one their whole lives. Some like a different popular flavor and stick with that their whole lives. Some like to go with both flavors, some like more than two. Some are lactose intolerant, and prefer a flavor or two without the dairy.

Me? It’s whatever I’m in the mood for. I’m a pretty consistent person but occasionally, something comes along that I might really wanna try because I feel like I might like it.

I know that this can construed as “experimental”, and to an extent, it is because I don’t have much sexual history to be able to ascertain if a pair of gentials on someone does it for me but? I deep down feel more indifferent to it than others. Like, if I feel attraction and chemistry happen with  someone, I know that those feelings will override what they identify as; orientation and sex/gender wise. I can say that with confidence. 

But I also say that I’m queer (or “pretty fuckin’ queer), because the definition of the sexual orientation seems to not have a clear-cut idea of what it is (like being gay or straight does). I do acknowledge that some people in the community do not like using the word because its history of being a slur, and really, that’s their prerogative whether or not they choose to acknowledge as either a slur, an umbrella term of an unconventional identity (which is something I use for my orientation as the word applies to either orientation or gender identity, it doesn’t have to be both to be applicable), another innocuous word for "not heterosexual”, and use it how they say fit. I’m still gonna use the word and use it in a positive or neutral context for myself. And yeah, even my confidence of the label I continue to choose to use still makes me doubt sometimes if that’s what I really am, but I sure as hell am not gonna let others tell me that I don’t really know what I feel as if they know me better than I do with myself. Fuck that. 

I’M FUCKING QUEER AND LIKES WHO I LIKES.