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#but I’m way more repulsed by certain textures. so why not describe them as trauma?
the-trans-dragon · 1 year
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#sorenhoots#I have an idea roaming around in my brain#it feels like an overreaction because society reserves the word ‘trauma’ for visible stuff#like a physical injury or a traumatic event so bad that even society’s pressure to not show symptoms isn’t enough to cover it up#but like…. I am slowly allowing myself to expand my definition of trauma to include things that non-autistic people would scoff at#such as being exposed to a bad texture or trying a food that my autism doesn’t like or stuff like that#on one hand it’s like ‘oh my god don’t be dramatic. eating a chicken strip with a really chewy spot isn’t trauma’ which sounds like a#reasonable thing to say but like. as a young kid that happened to me and I still can’t eat chicken strips without being *significantly*#stressed about encountering the bad texture again.#i take COMFORT in the fact that- when I had shingles- the shingles pain was HORRIBLE and yet the texture of my bedsheet was WORSE#and I’m realizing I have some Things I’ve always been like… ‘triggered’ by. colors or patterns. I assumed they must be related to my#trauma that is undisputedly traumatic- I assumed those colors or patterns must have been involved#the same way I can’t stand a couple of flavors because they remind me of it#but maybe it’s just that checkered patterns bother my autism. maybe I don’t like blue because it just hurts my eyes.#have I unnecessarily tied Autism Sensory Pain to separate traumatic events as a way to explain them?#I don’t know. but I think the first step in digesting all of that is to allow myself to categories Bad Sensory Events as Traumatic#like I’m allowed to say shingles was traumatic. I panic anytime I think I feel the tingly sensation it started as#but I’m way more repulsed by certain textures. so why not describe them as trauma?#idk. one thing I don’t like is showers? and I started applying some of my PTSD work to them#such as getting familiar with smaller steps that are less sensory overwhelming#or changing the circumstances enough that my brain doesn’t go ‘wait this is a ShowerTM which has traumatized me in the past from sensory’#and it absolutely helps. which is something to mull over at least
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acousticcheeze · 3 years
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Here's my 100 questions for my OC thing!
My OC is Laureli, a 6'2 Altmer trying to make his way in Skyrim
1. What do they smell like?
Whatever alchemy ingredient he’s been working with, really. Lavender is what he smells like most often, though.
2. What is their voice like?
A smooth-ish medium pitch Altmer voice that has elements of calm and irritation.
3. What is their biggest motivator?
Helping others through his alchemy. He wants to improve medicine for Skyrim, as well as all of Tamriel.
4. What is their most embarrassing memory?
He had a whole scientific presentation one year that ended up being completely wrong. He got humiliated in front of everyone.
5. How do they deal with/react to pain?
Winces at it, curses, and then gets to treating the problem.
6. What do they like to wear?
Functional clothes that keep him warm and allow him to carry alchemy ingredients in his pockets.
7. Which of their relationships have impacted them most positively?
The relationships with some of the people he’s helped over the years. It gave him a sense of purpose and fulfillment knowing that he could help people, save people.
8. What’s the weirdest thing they’ve ever eaten?
He’s an alchemist...in Skyrim...I’m pretty sure there are a few contenders… (giants toe, large/small antlers, ectoplasm, the list goes on)
9. Describe the way that they sleep.
Normal side sleeper. Prefers to sleep on his left side.
10. What is their favorite food/kind of food?
Horker stew. It’s actually way better than he thought it would be.
11. What do they feel most insecure about?
If what he’s doing is good enough. He has big problems with perfectionism that still persist with him even after leaving Summerset.
12. How do they like to dress?
Robes with an alchemy enchantment and a hood.
13. How do they react to feelings of guilt?
He tries to shake them off, but has panic attacks and whatnot sometimes as a result of them.
14. How do they react to/deal with betrayal?
Is completely shattered by it. He’s dealt with this so many times before, though, so he keeps his cards close to his chest.
15. What is their greatest achievement?
Creating potions that help much more than the average cure disease potion would, as well as all sorts of other concoctions. Also, he’s created a sort of disinfectant and is working on a hand sanitizer.
16. What are they like when they’ve gotten too little sleep?
Cranky, cranky, cranky.
17. What are they like when they’re drunk?
Drunk? Oh no no no no Laureli does not drink (and even if he did he’d be out real quick)
18. What kind of music do they enjoy?
He isn’t really into music, but he enjoys the songs the bard plays at the Bannered Mare.
19. Are they right or left handed?
Right, but is practicing with his left hand too in case something happens to his right.
20. Fears?
Death and failure, mostly.
21. Favorite kind of weather?
As the sun rises and there’s dew all over the grass, the light reflecting through each drop.
22. Favorite color?
The color of eyes. Or, more specifically, the hundreds of little pinpricks of different colors inside of eyes, It’s really quite fascinating.
23. Do they collect anything?
OH YEAH. So many different alchemy ingredients and random stuff to be used in his next works-
24. Do they prefer either hot or cold weather more?
Cold, which is good since he lives in Skyrim.
25. What is their eye color?
Chartreuse (like most Altmer)
26. What is their race/ethnicity?
Altmer
27. Hair color?
White
28. Are they happy where they are currently?
Yup. Breezehome is small, but manageable, and Whiterun is a decent hold to live in.
29. Are they a morning person?
Yes. He gets tired around 9 and can’t stay up past 12.
30. Sunrise or sunset?
Sunrise.
31. Are they more messy or more organized?
Very organized. Again, he’s a perfectionist.
32. Pet peeves?
People touching his things as well as people inserting themselves into his business.
33. Do they own any objects of significant personal importance?
An amulet of Talos a Nord gave him. He hadn’t gotten the chance to learn much about Talos at home, and he found it very interesting talking to the local Nords about their beliefs. That amulet reminds him of his first day in Skyrim, the first day of his new life.
34. Least favorite food?
Taffy treats, or anything with that sort of texture and stickiness that can get stuck to his teeth very easily.
35. Least favorite color?
Very pale green. It looks gross.
36. Least favorite smell?
Death. (Yes, death has a smell)
37. When was the last time they cried?
Recently.
38. Were they with anybody the last time they cried?
No. Oh Auri-el, no no no no. He cries alone and he makes sure of it.
39. Tell us about one of the times they got injured?
Was in a fire when he was younger, he has a burn going up the inner leg on his right leg.
40. Do they have any scars?
Only mental ones. (and the burn scar on his leg)
41. Do they struggle with any mental health issues?
Perfectionism, past abuse, self hate, among others.
42. Do they have any bad habits?
Picking at his nails. He knows it makes them hurt and get bloody, but sometimes he just can’t help it.
43. Why might someone dislike them?
He can be very rude if he’s working, but to be fair, it is really annoying to be bothered in the middle of your work.
44. Why might someone love them?
Who wouldn’t love an overworked science boye? But in all seriousness, if he loves someone, he will be very caring towards them and is also just great listener. Tries not to care any more though because of personal trauma.
45. Do they believe in ghosts?
Yup. He’s heard of people’s encounters with them. Honestly, you’d be stupid to not believe in them.
46. Is there anyone they would trust with their lives?
At this point? No. Farkas later down the line? Yes.
47. Are they romantically interested in anyone?
Farkas, but we ain’t talking about that yet~
48. Are they dating/married to anyone?
No
49. Do they like surprises?
No. Please do not surprise this poor man he will stagger back and crash into everything.
50. When is their birthday?
9th of Hearthfire (September 9th)
51. How do they usually celebrate their birthday?
He takes a few seconds to acknowledge it and then gets on with his work.
52. Do they have any family?
Yup! A Mom, a Dad, a younger sister, and a male cousin that lives nearby (he’s in the Thalmor and the whole family has very Pro-Thalmor views)
53. Are they close to their family?
HAH- no~
54. What is their MBTI type?
INTJ (Damn this list for making me look up stereotypes for this. Honestly I hate the MBTI system so much-)
55. What is their zodiac sign?
Virgo
56. What Hogwarts House would they be in?
Ravenclaw
57. What D&D alignment are they?
If lawful chaotic good was a thing then yes
58. Do they ever have nightmares? If so, what about?
Yes, but they are often so tangled up that it’s hard to get any real meaning from them.
59. What are their views on death?
“It’s fine, it’s fine, I’ll be fine-” Hopes that he’ll be fine but is really scared about it.
60. What is something that they’re sure to laugh at?
Bad science puns. He will stifle a chuckle before telling you how bad your joke was.
61. When bored, how do they pass time?
This man does not get bored. He will always find something alchemy related to study or look into.
62. Do they enjoy being outside?
Yes. Laureli loves the Skyrim weather (for the most part. Places like Dawnstar and Winterhold suck)
63. Do they have an accent?
Yes. He has the typical Altmer accent.
64. Upon seeing a slice of chocolate cake, what is their first reaction?
“Why is this here? This isn’t mine.”
65. If they knew they were going to die, what would they do/say
He would probably take too long deciding and die before he could do/say anything.
66. How do they feel about sex?
Sex repulsed asexual.
67. What is their sexuality?
GAY
68. Do they become squeamish at the sight of blood?
Nope.
69. Is there anything that they find really gross?
He’s seen so much it would take a lot to surprise him here.
70. Which TV Trope(s) best describes them?
Grumpy scientist with no people skills.
71. Do they enjoy helping people?
Yes, definitely
72. Are they allergic to anything?
Not really. (Lucky)
73. Do they have a pet?
No
74. Are they quick to anger? What are they like when they loose their temper?
Nope, unless you press his buttons. His anger is pretty much “What in the name of Auri-el is wrong with you?! Don’t touch my equipment!!”
75. How patient are they?
Very...until you hit his limit. Then he gets passive aggressive.
76. Are they good at cooking?
Not really. He can be good at it, he just chose not to learn in favor of working on his projects. Can make enough to live on, though.
77. Favorite insult? Do they insult people often?
He doesn't have a favorite insult (he rarely insults people).
78. How do they act when they’re particularly happy?
Talking fast, pacing, flappy hands.
79. What do they do when they learn about other people’s fears?
Try to avoid bringing those fears up around them and avoiding making fun of them. If their fear is nearby, he will either tell them or take care of it. (which is good because Farkas is scared of spiders)
80. Are they trustworthy?
Yes, but you have to be a very certain kind of person to work with him.
81. Do they try to hide their emotions? Are they good at it?
Sometimes, especially romantic feelings. Romantic attraction? Nope, not possible- (It totally is; he’s in denial)
82. Do they exercise regularly?
With all of the walking he does around various holds, yes.
83. Are they comfortable with the way they look?
Yes. He’s a perfectionist with many things, but has learned to let go a bit more when it comes to his appearance. He still will take ages to get ready, though.
84. What are some physical features that they find attractive on people?
Tattoos, braids, basically everything you’d see on a typical Nord. It’s so different from his home and he’s completely enamored.
85. What kind of personalities do they find attractive?
Himbo nord men. Sweet morons basically.
86. Do they like sweet foods?
Not really. Sweet foods do have their place, but he isn’t wanting to get any cavities, so he tries to limit his sugar. (Especially since Altmer live 200-300 years aprox)
87. What is their age?
52 (~20s for an Altmer)
88. Are they tall or short or somewhere in between?
Tall, but about average for an Altmer
89. Do they wear glasses or contacts?
No, but if he did he would have half-moon spectacles.
90. Do they consider themselves attractive?
Not really. He doesn’t really think anyone is attractive. (Well, except for Nord himbos, but he doesn’t know that until he meets Farkas)
91. What is their sense of humor like?
Practically nonexistent, but when there is humor it’s mostly dry and sardonic.
92. What mood are they most often in?
That sort of focused work mode you get in when you’re really concentrating, as well as somewhat-sociable-but-still-kind-of-tired-and-grumpy
93. What kinds of things anger them?
People messing up his equipment. Oh sweet Auri-el, if you touch his things he will explode. Also, he hates the racism that the Thalmor promote. (He hates racism in general, but he hates the Thalmor’s views the most).
94. Outlook on life?
“It sucks, but I do find quite a bit fascinating and I’ll help where I can.”
95. What kind of things make them sad/depressed?
His perfectionism, how lonely he knows he is, and more.
96. What is their greatest weakness?
Again, his perfectionism, as well as having his work dictate more in his life than he should.
97. What is the greatest strength?
His brain. He remembers small details extremely well, and is practically an encyclopedia when it comes to alchemy.
98. Something that they regret?
How awful he used to be to everyone back home. He got a lot of pushback on his dreams and who he was, so he lashed out. Even though there wasn’t much he could do there, he still regrets hiring his family and wants to try at a relationship again with them (lol good luck).
99. Biggest accomplishment?
How is this different from “Greatest Achievement”?
100. Create your own! (Why is his alchemy so different from the norm?)
Because he’s trying to do something much more along the lines of modern medicine as opposed to just potions.
101. (Bonus!) Why is he in Skyrim?
Because it’s rather lacking in the medicine department compared to the other provinces, so he decided his talents would be best used there. Obviously, his family protested, but he went anyways.
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