#but also i wanna just sink into a black void and float in nothingness for a while

[thatblondeperson]

People really don't talk enough about how it feels to passively want to die all the time.

[viostormcaller]

“Zhe Good Doctah Haz Got You”

(This took me, what? Three days? Maybe more? I don’t remember lol but I worked hard and I’m really proud! I hope you enjoy it too.) **TRIGGER WARNING: talk of self-harm, suicide attempt mention** It was around midnight when Marvin arrived at Schneeplestein’s bedroom door. He had been having nightmares lately, but this one was particularly bad. The shaken wizard stood, body still trembling as his hand hovered over the door. He wanted to knock so badly, but he couldn’t bring himself to. He just couldn’t. His heart raced and his breathing quickened, the fear of being a bother to his friend in the middle of the night getting the best of him. Slowly, Marvin drew his hand away from the door, and slumped down against the hallway wall, sitting on the floor, knees tucked close to his body. He silently pondered what to do, the sound of his still-hammering heart the only noise accompanying him in the dead of night. Suddenly, the world around him faded to black, leaving Marvin in a seemingly endless expanse of darkness. He then stood, eyes darting around frantically, trying to make sense of where he was. The four-bedroom house he was familiar with was no longer there, but in its place a dark void, which lacked any form of escape. The wizard began to panic, heart rate picking up again. “H-Hello…? Is a-anyone t-there?” Marvin called out into the nothingness, not exactly expecting an answer. His blood ran cold when a voice chuckled back. “W-Who are you?” Marvin gulped, aware of the shakiness of his voice. “S-Show yourself!” “Heh heh heh…how cute. The so-called "wizard” is trying to be brave.“ The voice spoke back. Marvin didn’t recognize the voice at all. He would have at least expected it to be Anti, if no one else, but…it wasn’t. "Marvin the Magnificent, huh?” The voice continued. “Don’t know what makes you so "magnificent”, honestly. To tell you the truth, you look a lot more…pathetic, to me.“ Marvin felt a slight twinge of guilt at first, but it quickly turned to anger as he shouted back out into the void. "I’m NOT pathetic! Who even ARE you?!” “It doesn’t matter who I am,” the voice responded. “But if you’re THAT curious…” the owner of the voice stepped forward, walking out of the endless darkness and just into Marvin’s line of sight. The owner was a young faceless girl, with blonde pigtails, a blue tank top, and a yellow skirt. Marvin almost recognized her as a girl that he’s entertained at a birthday party once, except…well, she doesn’t have a face. Marvin gulped and stepped back. “Afraid of a child? Hah!” The girl laughed, though her body didn’t move at all. With each passing second, Marvin became more and more unsettled. His heart nearly stopped when he heard the second voice. “Y'know, eventually they’ll realize you’re nothing but a fake.” A boy the same height as the girl walked forward, wearing a blue tee-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. He, too, was faceless. “You’re just another useless street magician. You’re nothing special. Stop trying to act like you’re "all that”.“ Marvin took another two steps back, beginning to feel nauseous. He took in what the boy said and rubbed his arm self-consciously. He didn’t really know what to say now. "I-I…” he started, but immediately shut his mouth when he heard whispers in the background. They were faint, but coming closer, gradually growing louder. And soon, he could see them: a horde of faceless children walking out of the darkness, each one speaking it’s own insult. Marvin glanced around in every direction. The children were everywhere, surrounding him, and it seemed like there was a countless number of them. His eyes widened as he began to hear clearly what each child was actually saying. “Pathetic.” “Weak.” “Loser.” “S-Stop…” Marvin whimpered quietly, his head lowered and eyes fixated on his feet as he tried not to cry. “Failure.” “Phony.” “Idiot.” “P-Please…please stop…” Marvin pleaded as the voices continued. They were loud now, bouncing around the environment. It was quickly becoming too much for him, and he sunk to his knees and covered his ears. The voices seemed as if they were in his head, and no matter what he did, Marvin couldn’t block them out. His heart was pounding in his chest, his breathing rapid, and he felt nauseous as the world spun, the countless mass of faceless children surrounding him, chanting their insults loudly. “FAKER.” “LIAR.” “LAME.” “SCAREDY-CAT.” “COWARD.” “STOP! STOP IT, PLEASE!” Marvin cried out in agony, tears escaping through tightly shut eyes, streaming down his face, and hands tightly gripping his head as he was overwhelmed by the insults. The voices then stopped at the sound of Marvin’s shout, but something else took their place. “You know, I’ll never understand why we decided to keep you around.” Marvin’s eyes slowly widened as he removed his head from his hands, looking up towards this new voice. This voice, however, was one he recognized. “C-Chase…?” Marvin asked, reluctantly. Chase now stood before him, arms crossed. He stared Marvin down hard, almost as if he were disappointed with him. “Yeah, I agree with him. You’re honestly nothing special. Your "powers” barely even work!“ Another figure now appeared in front of Marvin. Well, more like "hovered” in front of him. “Jackieboy Man…? You too?” Marvin asked, heartbroken. Jackieboy Man just floated there, wearing the same disappointed expression as Chase. “He’s right, you know. Neither of us understand vhy you are still here.” Dr. Schneeplestein walked out of the darkness now, arms folded similarly to the other two egos. “Schneep, I…” Marvin began. “Ah, ah, ah. Not anozher word. You are vasting my precious time, Marvin.” Fresh tears stung the magicians eyes as he hung his head in shame. He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Marvin was even more taken aback when he saw who it was. “J-Jack?” “They never loved you, Marvin.” Jack informed, almost sounding sorry for him. Almost. “W-What?” “You’re useless. They’d be better off without you. I’m sorry to say this, but it’s true.” Marvin gazed incredulously at Jack, and then back at his friends, his only family, who now all hated him. This realization hit Marvin suddenly, and again he lowered his gaze, beginning to cry. “I-I’m sorry…I’m sorry I disappointed you guys…I’m so sorry…” Marvin mumbled out apology after apology, sobbing harder and harder between each one. “Marvin…” “I’m so sorry…” Marvin whimpered, not hearing the voice that began to speak to him. “MARVIN!” The wizard jolted as he suddenly awoke, knees still tucked close to him as he sat in the hallway of his house. A dream. It was all a dream. “Marvin…? Are you okay, buddy?” Schneeplestein was crouched in front of Marvin, an extremely concerned expression on his face. If Marvin could sink any further back into the wall, he would. A horrified look plastered Marvin’s face as he recalled the dream. What if they really felt that way about him? “S-S-Schneep, I-I’m so s-sorry…I d-d-don’t mean to w-waste your time. I-” Marvin stuttered as be began to hyperventilate, terrified. “Shhhh…relax, Marvin…” the doctor hushed the panicking magician, trying to get him to calm down. “Zhere’s no need to apologize. You’ve done nozhing wrong.” A sob escaped Marvin’s mouth and Schneeplestein pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back, letting Marvin cry it out until he was calm enough to talk. “Zhere, zhere, Marv. Zhe good doctah haz got you.” Schneep reassured him. “Vould you like to talk about it?” Marvin then pulled away, nodding as he wiped his eyes and nose on his shirt sleeves. “Come,” the doctor then stood, holding his hand out to lift Marvin off the ground. The wizard grabbed Schneep’s hand and pulled himself up, then followed him into his bedroom. “Sit.” Schneeplestein commanded, pointing to his bed. Marvin sat and watched as the doctor pulled up a chair from his desk and sat in front of him. “H-How did you know I was out there…?” Marvin asked, sniffing and grabbing the tissue Schneeplestein handed to him, blowing his nose into it. “I heard you crying out zhere. It vas a tiny noise, but I heard it and vent to check it out. You seemed to have been crying in your sleep.” Schneep responded. “Ah.” Marvin slowly nodded. “Before ve get started, I need to do a routine checkup.” The pajama-clad doctor informed Marvin. He reached for his stethoscope, which was sitting on his desk, and put on a pair of rubber gloves that came from a box that sat besides said stethoscope. “Can you remove your shirt, please?” Marvin’s heart nearly stopped upon hearing those words. “U-Uh…” the magician stammered. “Is somezhing wrong?” Schneep asked. “O-Oh, uh…n-no.” “Good. Now, let’s get zhis over vith, so I can help you.” Schneep turned around to grab his clipboard and pen. Marvin’s heart began to race, and he began to feel nauseous as he reluctantly removed his red, long-sleeved shirt. He pulled it over his head, and set it behind him, letting out a shaky breath. Schneep, having gathered his materials, then turned back around to face Marvin. His eyes widened at what he saw. Schneep was used to seeing burns and callouses on Marvin’s hands and wrists from practicing magic, and was also used to helping him treat them, but…this was something else. Something way different. Both his arms were laced with cuts, some old and some new, some covered with bandages and some left uncovered. Schneep knew immediately that this wasn’t the work of magic. “Marvin…vhy didn’t you tell me?!” Schneep exclaimed, worry lining his voice. “I could have helped you! WE could have helped you!” Marvin swallowed, feeling a lump growing in his throat. He was trying so hard to bite back the tears. “I-I’m…I’m sorry, I just…I didn’t wanna bother you…” Marvin’s gaze was focused on the ground, unable to look the doctor in the eye. “It’s my problem…I didn’t wanna put that burden on you…” “Nonsense.” Schneeplestein quickly replied. “Doctors are meant to help you. And if I’m not a doctor, vell, zhen my name isn’t Henrik von Schneeplestein. Vhatever you need, Marvin, you come to me. I’m not just here to heal your physical wounds, but…” Schneep pointed to his head with a smile. “…also zhe ones up here, as vell.” Marvin sniffed, wiping his eyes. “O-Okay…” Schneep sighed. “Now, let’s get zhis over vith.” And with that, they got through the normal checkup routine. Once that was done, and Marvin was once again clothed, they could finally get into what was bothering the troubled magician. “Okay, now zhat zhat’s out of the vay, we can FINALLY get into it.” Schneep said, sounding relieved to start helping his friend with what was bothering him. Marvin just nodded, wondering where he should begin. “So, Marvin…” Schneep began. “Vhat is it exactly zhat is troubling you?” Marvin sighed. “Well…as you may have guessed after spotting me crying in my sleep, I’ve been having really bad nightmares lately. I’m not sure if they’re magic-related or not, but they’ve been going on for a few months now, and…” he paused, wondering how he should go about explaining the nightmares. “Uh…I’m not sure how to explain this.” He rubbed the back of his head nervously. “Zhat’s okay, Marvin. Take your time. I’m here to listen.” Schneeplestein reassured. Marvin nodded. “Well…” he continued. “The dreams, they’re…well, they’re not all the same, but they have the same theme. Like, for example, the dream I had tonight…” Marvin then went on to explain in detail what happened in his nightmare. Halfway through, he had to pause because he started to cry, and Schneep gave him another hug while he calmed down. Throughout the entire time, though, the doctor listened patiently, writing down key points. Not only did he want Marvin to get better, but wanted to make sure Marvin was safe, before he goes too far and attempts to do what Chase tried in the past. When Marvin had finished getting his thoughts out, Schneeplestein reviewed the notes he took. Going over them, he had an “aha!” moment. He just might have pieced it all together. “I zhink I know vhat’s bothering you deep down, Marvin.” the doctor announced. “Does it sound magic-related?” Marvin asked. “Because I easily could have cursed myself on accident…” “No, no, no. None of zhose zhings. We both already know zhat you’re afraid of disappointing us, and letting everybody down. But zhe issue is that you’re not dealing vith it, just suppressing it. So, ve’re going to come together and help you.” “‘We’re’? You mean all of you guys?” Marvin asked, sounding a tad bit worried “Yes. You need to confront your fears of failure by addressing it directly. Don’t vorry, though, it vill be fine. Chase vent through a similar process, back when…” he paused, remembering the incident. Recollecting his thoughts, he cleared his throat and continued “Vell, you know.” “I understand.” Marvin nodded. “Also! You vill be meeting vith me once a veek to work on coping methods for your negative thoughts, as vell as to keep track of your nightmares. Sound good?” “Yeah, thank you. Really, for all of this.” Marvin said, sounding grateful. “I’m sorry I didn’t come to you sooner. I really wanted to, but…I was just so afraid. I thought I could just deal with it on my own, or at least make a potion or find a spell that would help, but that didn’t work out.” “It’s okay, Marvin, really. Just remember, vhen you have a problem, I’m vere for you. Don’t take it out on yourself, okay?” “Okay…I’ll make sure to come to you from now on.” Marvin responded. Schneep then stood, and pulled Marvin into a tight hug. When they separated, they both glanced at Schneep’s alarm clock. 3:00 AM. “Do you zhink you’ll be able to go back to sleep?” Schneep asked, turning back to Marvin. “Probably not.” Marvin shrugged. “But I’ll try to figure something out.” “Do you vant to stay vith me tonight? I…honestly don’t feel safe just leaving you on your own, not right now. You understand, don’t you?” Schneep rubbed the back of his neck. He knew that Marvin would probably be fine but, after what happened with Chase…he was too scared to almost lose another friend, no matter how small the chance of that happening would be. And, if Marvin had another nightmare, a worse one, Schneep wanted to be there for him instead of leaving Marvin to his own devices. “I understand, Schneep.” Marvin smiled. “I’ll stay with you tonight, if it makes you happy.” “Zhank you, Marvin.” And with that, the both of them got into bed, with Marvin laying closest to the wall the bed was up against. While Schneep was able to fall asleep quickly, it took Marvin some time before he could fall asleep, as well. He felt comfortable with someone else with him, but he was still worried he’d have another nightmare. After about a half hour, he finally pushed his worry to the back of his mind, and fell into a dreamless slumber.