#but also i'm so out of momentum idk what to do with 90% of what i've got here

[daemondaes]

i emerge from the depths of balgate3 hell with the forceful inhalation of an airless man trapped underwater for far too long. i look around, bewildered by the state of the dash and all associated with it. time is an illusion, and so is everything else.

was my last post of any significance truly three weeks ago? what do i do with all my drafts? do i even remember how to write?

[pants-magic-pants]

heyy, hope you doing good! and sorry to keep bothering you lol

so you got me really curious

idk if this is something you would share, and it’s totally fine if not, but i was wondering how much went into the costume? both time and money -wise

Hello! I'm... surviving! I hope you are as well.

I am also curious about this question, as I certainly didn't keep track of it. Initially, I did save some receipts, but this project was so long-term that work on it became scattered. Scattered in terms of when I was able to find the right materials, when I was well enough (mentally, physically) to work on it, when progress was actually being made vs. me searching and bumbling around unsuccessfully...

When there was any sort of momentum, it was almost like a part time job, where substantial amounts of hours were put in on all or most of my days off (which I have three). I spent many days hyperfixating on it all day with just a few breaks, so maybe 12 hours in a day, for 2-3 days in a week, so 24-36hrs in a week. But not all my weeks were like that. I went a couple months not working on it at all because it was stealing my soul.

If we were to say that on average there was just one day a week from September 2022 when I began the project, until November 2023, that I worked on it all day, it'd be one day (12hrs) x 4 weeks in a month x 15 months... That means a minimum of 720hrs went into it.

As for the costs? I was very scared to tally this up, but it's not terrible?... If you consider what some cosplays cost? Some of it is ridiculous, like the fact that I probably spent $100 on beads.

I had to look up what some things cost roughly, and sort of guess, but here's my tally:

MATERIALS -- $143 $90 in various beads $10 sea glass $9 aquamarine crystals $9 blue/mirror crystals $10 hot glue sticks packs x 2 $3 black acrylic paint $6 button bases x 2 $6 blue cabochons for buttons

FABRIC -- $146 $65 velvet x 4yds (but mine was free) $13 cuff lace x 1yrd $13 upper coat lining x 1yrd $13 lower coat lining x 1yrd $5 interfacing x 1yrd $12 thread x 4 $20 swatches x 3 $5 felt for padding

TOOLS -- $80 $8 french curve and other curved rulers $15 rotary blades x 3 $30 rotary cutting board (not even a big one) $23 pattern paper $4 microtex needles (Not included $20 walking foot that was useless) (Not included I had to get a whole goddamn new sewing machine, $500)

A few notes about the spending and amounts:

As you can see! The materials COST AS MUCH AS the fabric. hahahahahahahaahahaa It adds up, it seriously adds up. You keep needing more and more, and honestly I bought it all at such spread out intervals that I wasn't aware it was adding up. It could have also been less because there were a few sales at the craft store. hahaha

I did not have to pay for the velvet because of the issues the company had in getting it to me. Overall, you may notice that regardless of that my yardage is pretty low. It won't be the same for everyone. This was what was needed to produce a garment that is roughly a children's size large, or a women's XXS. It's one way that being a miniscule, little pipsqueak is an advantage... for one's wallet. Not much else good to say about it.

Anyway, tools. Tools is an important category. The fabric needed for this project was finicky and troublesome, and it required not only study on how to handle it, but the right tools and a worthy machine to handle it. I literally could not finish the coat without getting a new machine which was actually gifted to me... as I could not afford it in a million years... There is also no way to cut velvet without a sharp rotary blade and board, and you'll go through several blades in very short time.

So I guess that comes to about $370...

Not terrible... right? And it was free velvet. And I was gifted a machine, and I also had a couple patrons who donated over a hundred dollars, bless them. On the other hand, this was only the cost of the coat, and NOT the cost including the dress shirt, cummerbund, wig, etc.

Needless to say, I am dirt poor this year. No sort of spending like this will be occurring any time soon for further work (to make the pants, to get new boots, to go to events, take pictures) unless I'm able to pick up freelance work or earn more patrons. Yeah.

[bobwess]

In reference to the 'let yourself take a break here, not here" battery post...

If you don't mind sharing, what was your secret? I know everyone is unique, and not every trick will be universal, but as a current struggling 20 year old...I'll take what I can get...

It took a long time, and I still find myself now having to remind myself, like almost give myself a talking to like "no, you need to sit for 15 minutes. You're going to be better if you do." or "no, you've done a lot today. It's time to relax for the rest of the evening." or "Tuesday the 25th you are doing nothing you fuckwit. And I mean it, nothing." My first breakthrough on the mental side of it was I was telling someone that I'm always working myself to almost breakdown and mental or physical exhaustion because I'm just doing my best to get stuff done. And they said "You are no longer doing your best if you are overtired" Which was true. When I allow myself the break, I could come back and do better than I would have done if I just worked all the way through it. And since my main motivation was trying to do my best, I was actively sabotaging my goal. It sort of was an ah-hah moment.

Realistically though, taking breaks, like any skill, takes practice. You're gonna have to force yourself to stop. You may have to set an alarm and put a stop watch and give yourself a mandatory sit down every couple hours. You should absolutely schedule on the calendar a day where you do no errands and no chores and no work and just take the whole day to eat nice food and do nice things like tv or games, and you're going to feel guilty the whole time because you aren't practiced enough to be good at it yet. But you're going to figure out that you're doing much better and it'll become natural. Using training wheels like literally setting alarms for yourself is fine.

Reading your body and mental state and learning what the signals are that you'd be better off if you stopped for a 15 minute break or stopped for the evening, and then executing it takes practice too. And once you're good at it, that's most of the battle won. Beyond that, it's just, 90% of tasks will just be just fine if they aren't done, realistically, even for weeks. If you don't sweep the floor, the worst thing that will happen is it will stay dirty for a bit longer. Tasks are just a revolving list. Pushing yourself because "if I just finish my tasks I can take a break" is fiction. The goal should be "I just need to figure out how much I can do at a time without exhausting myself and I will be better."

A note that helps: You may be somewhat adverse to taking breaks because they're long and terrible and can really kill the momentum. But your breaks are only unbearably long because you were overtired and needed to recover so much. Once you get it down you'll be pleased to know that breaks when taken earlier are a lot shorter and more restful than the exhaustion I-stopped-and-died break you'll take later.

I personally now every night pick two and only two tasks to do tomorrow. (Took a while to learn that "clean the house" does not in fact count as one task. "clean the toilets" counts as one task.) If I happen to feel good I'll do a couple more, but I won't let myself do much more because I'll burn out and feel awful later. Also I turned off push notifications, and had to learn that sitting and responding to emails/people, just because I was sitting, didn't count as a break, because I was still actively doing things for other people at that point.

But long lists are not going to help you take breaks, you're going to fall back into the "if I just finish the list---" mindset which is unhelpful. Two tasks. Tomorrow for me is "Change the ferret litter" and "capture clips for my next video". If I do more, I do more. If not, the earth will keep turning in spite of it.

IDK. This is a long rambling answer that isn't the most coherent, but these are a few thoughts on how I came to sort of be. Not that I'm a master of it, but it sort of clicked for me admittedly somewhat recently. But yeah. Mostly just practice until you got it down, and schedule breaks for yourself until you're good at reading your body language and taking one as needed.