#but atleast i will be leaving the shithole i’m in rn

[upgradebitch]

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[morningpages-louise]

July 22, 2019

Life is a journey of self-discovery. Everything we do. Everyone we meet. All the circumstances is meant for us to learn more things about our energies. So strange, how we spend a lifetime discovering things about ourselves. I think its cause we’re constantly evolving and shifting. We’re always changing, and so there’s always something new to uncover. Lest we remain stagnant. I decided to skip OJT today because I needed to catch up on school work which I have yet to start on, plus I have to get ready for my interview this Wednesday.. LORD pls let me wake up. Because I swear to god, I have a really hard time waking up. I cant even wake up to my 20 alarms anymore, legit. Okay my roommate and her boyfriend just came in and ruined my alone time. Lately, I’ve been thinking about travelling, and what an amazing experience it is to meet new people who grew up in completely different settings and cultures than you did, and exploring foreign cities with those people. I miss Amsterdam. I miss Lille. I miss everything. I really developed an attachment for Amsterdam, it’s insane. I can’t wait to do that soon. But first, I must focus on finishing my thesis. You know, I know I have to eventually move to Canada but right now, I can’t imagine it. Having to leave Manila. Earlier as I was pouring coffee and I did that thing where I pretend like my past self is peering over me, along with all the other people in my life (lol, I really home I’m not the only one who does this but if I am its cool too) and I realized that I’m kind of living the life my younger self had envisioned me to. I’m living in a big, vibrant city (Yes, Manila - the shithole everyone likes to look down on, but which I also secretly love) I’m living in an apartment here (Hello, apartment stories) I’m dressed in clothes I totally could envision my future self wearing. Im out here writing. It’s just crazy, I remember seeing this quote before about how we’re living the lives we once dreamed of yet now, because we’re all wanting new stuff, we’ve forgotten about it and how sad that is. We human beings, we never appreciate what we have until we lose it. Right now, I’m still in an awkward-ish place with Kristine because of the party she threw on saturday, but I’m glad that it happened so if ever she throws one again, I can be like no because of how rowdy the other one was. Like I legit had such a hard time sleeping. Yesterday, i was supposed to do work but dude I’ve just been so tired lately. Always doing something. I never have time for myself, or atleast when I do, I’m too tired to even do anything aside from lie on my bed and scroll mindlessly on my phone. My head isn’t in the right place to create. To write. To read. To process anything. It just wants to be gulay. And I think that’s fine too. But yeah. Conserve your energy. So last night, I was literally just reading Sally rooney’s conversation with friends and I forgot what it was like to be so enraptured in a book. Like I literally had to stop myself from reading. I was so hooked, but I couldn’t stop. Ya know. My thoughts are coming in so slow because I’m so distracted I’m not sure if I’m doing this right because I know freehand writing, you’re not even supposed to put periods or correct any phrases but I sometimes reword mine. Oh well, there is no right way to do boring pages dba. I’m spacing out rn lol so funny. But yeah, time to get moving. I just had several thoughts in mind thats all. After this, I shall probably do my makeup and then get going to commune where I shall work for the remainder of the day. I will do my 1se a day post from yesterday since I kind of just passed out. And then maybe fill out a little gratitude post if I feel like it than ill start working by plotting out the tasks that I need to work on in my little cattleya filler. Its gonna be a productive afternoon :) I shall read an essay after this, and maybe do a little meditation. I usually do my meditations at night and cut it real close to the strike of 12 but I somehow always make it and currently my streak is at 8 :D But yeah I love you Manila, and I’m just trying to make the most of my stay here in Pobla because it might be like 2 Torre where time flew way too fast that I wasn’t really able to create lingering memories in. So yeah, brb Imma be productive for a bit.