#but damn. tessla….

[plagueofskeletons]

so I got to THAT part in trimax…….

[vetrenar]

Me, ready to explain how we still miss many key pieces of Knives's story puzzle and that while he's more fleshed out in Stampede than in 98' anime he still isn't as sympathetic as manga's Knives but it's all the part of creators' Grand Scheme and pretty sure is going to change cardinally in the future:

Me, realizing that for all this to be confirmed, I need the second season, and it's still far away:

[duncanor]

I was thinking how similar Wolfwood and Tessla were because they were children who have been experimented on gruesomely. And both of them by the same guy (In Stampede canon at least, can't remember for sure in Trimax).

And then it hit me, Nikola Tesla. God damn it Nightow.

[hellsingmongrel]

Soooo, uh, warning for 20 year old spoilers, but I'm finally reading Trigun Maximum for the first time in 20 years, like I'd always wanted to. And I just got to the couch.

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH /SCREAMING, BLUBBERING, SOBBING, KICKING LEGS/

I AM NOT OK

I THOUGHT SUICIDAL BABY VASH AT THE PART WITH TESSLA WAS PAINFUL. I THOUGHT VASH BASICALLY DECIDING HE'S ON A SUICIDE MISSION TO STOP KNIVES AND DETERIORATING INTO ALCOHOLISM WAS PAINFUL.

THAT WAS JUST THE BEGINNING OF THE PAIN

I KNEW THIS MANGA WAS GONNA FUCK ME UP AND BOY WAS I NOT WRONG.

10/10, Would let a 30-year-old franchise I hadn't touched in decades completely crush my soul again. Hellsing literally was my favorite Japanese series for the longest time. Nope. I was seriously misguided. Trigun has shoved its way from second place to Top Favorite all in the course of a few weeks, and ESPECIALLY a couple of nights of binge-reading. This is SO GOD-DAMNED GOOD, So painful, AHHHHH EVERYTHING HURTS

[supernova351]

Lore for the main three in the dance AU!

Vash Saverem- 24

autistic, hypermobility

He has both a prosthetic arm and legs (below) That he acquired during a house fire when he was eleven, in which he also lost his mother and his sister Tessla.

Him and Nai were the only two who ended up surviving, with both of them dealing with their grief in a less than ideal way. Eventually they ended up separated. (Nai abandoned him after everything?) Vash spent two years in recovery at a hospital being cared for by his physical therapist Luida. After getting his prosthetics, he was upset thinking he wouldn’t be able to dance again. Luida helped him through his physical therapy and taught him about muscle memory. Since Vash has been doing dance since he could walk, he had all the basics and more down to muscle memory, All he had to do was adapt. Eventually Luida and ended up adopting him, but gave Vash the choice to keep his last name as Saverem instead of changing it to Leitner. During his years in university, Luida asked Vash if he would like to help her open a dance studio.

Nai Saverem-24

(autistic, hypermobility issues)

Nai was torn up after the death of Tesla (and Rem), and blamed Rem for the fire, the death of his sister, and injury of his brother. Nai got off very lightly considering everything: mainly burns and a fractured arm. Social workers came and interviewed the both of them, and Nai overheard how they would be separated as wards of the state. Because they were both eleven and stupid, Nai was ok with it because he didn’t want to be tied to the Saverem name anymore after Tesla’s death. After him and Vash got separated, Nai eventually aged out of the foster system. Eventually getting a full ride to a state university, majoring in classical music. He picked up figure skating on the recommendation of his classmate Legato. He likes it more than he’s willing to admit- it reminds him of dancing as a kid - and it’s good exercise.

Nicholas D. Wolfwood- 23

Nicholas also grew up as a foster kid, being adopted by his mother Melanie and alongside his brother Livio. Had a relatively normal childhood ignoring the few years he was a drop of water in the system and desperately protective of Livio, (the church- ok maybe it wasn’t totally normal.) He’s currently studying to become a social worker to try and do something for the kids who weren’t as lucky as him. Wolfwood used to be a violent kid, and now works out and does martial arts to calm down and be a bit more constructive with his emotions. Livio begged him to join this new dance studio and take a break to “do something fun for once damn it!” Wolfwood agrees begrudgingly.

[eshtaresht]

guys how are we feeling? in pain, devastated, or screaming crying throwing up, what's the consensus here? spoilers for ep 11 under the cut (and minor spoiler for manga)

first things first, my theory from the last week is proven wrong. still don't know what the red plants were for (safekeeping? protecting from the last run?), but nai ain't gonna exploit them to "fix" vash. instead he EXPLOITS HIM AND SUBJECTS TO MENTAL TURTURE AND WIPES HIS MEMORIES CLEAN TO ACCES A HIGHER DIMENSION and create more independent babies ig

(yep the plant mpreg moment is sure a thing... for the next week, get ready for mass abortion)

finally, a gate that's an actual GATE. I think the plants lore was pretty self explanatory, but I'm so happy we're getting it and it's much more comprehensive that the manga, even(and 98' anime basically didn't explain anything and I had to spoil myself through fandom wiki to understand who vash and knives were). like, it's changed A LOT but it's in the same lane

this knives is so capable, holy shit!! everyone was already joking that he would put kniveses of the past to shame, and it's so true... he knows what he wants and how he wants it done and when he just goes ahead and does it. what a giga chad, honestly

I'm a bit disappointed they didn't keep the manga version of knives pre-tessla (that was softer than vash and wanted humans to like him), but it's definetely better than the old anime. like, he's colder due to him being the stronger twin, but he's still playful and doesn't hate ppl. he kinda distrusts rem, but they fucked around out of curiosity rather than malice. also, and I can't be the only one who noticed, his file name said "kni"? mmm ok interesting I'll have to think about it

that probably was the sequence code knives was talking about in ep 8, he used it again for the great fall. I wonder what it said, had to be something important to rem that vash could guess. geranium? their birthday?

the tessla sequence was quite short, but DAMN. status: alive. after all they've done to her. they put her on ice in this condition so they can keep studying her later. and the twins made her come alive. I'm gonna be sick it's so much worse..... no comas or suicide attempts this time, but these kids were still traumatized as hell (vash looks worse, like he haven't slept or probably eaten in a couple of days)

it was a serious moment but when nai revealed he was reading THE BIBLE I can't ahajakahajajahah... like, NO WONDER HE STARTED A RELIGION omg... pls put that book down you've got the message wrong

and or birthday boy vash... oh babygirl I'm so sorry. when I said I wanted to see him going through this I didn't mean a literal mental torture gaslight dimension!!! like, it's SO crucial to his character to REMEMBER all the good and terrible things he went through.... to have it taken away while he can't do anything, even when he clings to the memories as hard as he can, knives still takes EVERYTHING away from him, until he's the only thing tying vash to this world.

again, any other knives could never! and even before tearing apart all those memories, he gaslights vash even further, saying that he did the fall for him (which is true) and so it's basically his fault (which is very much not true)... and this BREAKS him quite literally... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

on a brighter note, loved that goofy meryl & nico interaction, remember, when we could still laugh? now it seems like meryl is gonna manage to reach vash in his infinite soup of despair, and that breaks his gate?? I'm so thrilled for the finale it's not at all like I imagined already said this in my previous post, but the flowers are a consistent theme for stampede instead of angels and, like... it's just makes sense for a plant to be a plant, yk. also it's pretty. july is already being destroyed by the roots, I wonder if that's gonna be it or there'll be a big kaboom (in this case it would be hard for meryl to survive, but potentially vash could make a root cacoon to protect her)

also this ep gets bonus points for showing what's going on in the city with the police guys and civilians, 'cause usually stampede isn't great at background and side characters

now making theories about the (potential) second season. amnesia aspect is getting established rlly hard rn! the only question is whether vash gets to remember key moments (like rem, meryl, wolfwood) or if he only retains the vibes of "someone important who said I shoud protect ppl". because it's gonna be interesting if he forgets everyone completely and when nico and meryl (and milly, fingers crossed) eventially find him, he''s like "hi, have we met?"

oh, the POTENTIAL! I think he's gonna get his 98' characterization as super goofy, borderline annoying, because he just doesn't remember all the pain! at least, he doesn't remember the details and fills the blanks with astonishing amounts of cope. and when he's finally able to remember, oh boy, he's gonna crumble.......

[player-1]

Huh, turns out Tessla really did wake up and choose violence in the TriStamp universe...But I kinda doubt she still approved Knives of doing, in order:

-Threaten Conrad at knife-point but keep him alive to create the Eye of Michael and the Plant-hybrid experiments with orphans. -Destroy towns and cities to "save" the Plants when they're being overused or near-death, but leaving said-overused Plants in Julai with no way to properly heal them. -Consistently traumatizing/gaslighting Vash and dropping him in The Soup (and you know…Episode 11), as well as Knives retraumatizing himself (and by extension Tess) by violently killing innocent lives in a bid to “give the Sinners their due punishment” and pushing Tess to reactively lash out at anyone who tries to hurt them or even get close to them…

I mean, if you put it into that context, then the entire battle at ep 12 is Knives having a three-way brawl instead; both with Vash and Tessla, with his sentient security blanket finally having enough with him constantly violating the other Plants’ autonomy and free will.

Like damn, way to dampen Knives’ already-sour mood getting booted out of the higher plane and choosing to help her "younger" brother for once after the mindfuck he went through. 80% of the battle the whips are even just dragging behind him or and not in attack mode anymore unless Knives forces it to happen (ie. burning himself out quicker). But hey, already crossing fingers they expand on all this in Season 2.

[idonutlose]

Damn they weren't kidding that plant could really plant huh

Tristamp 11 thoughts ig because god damn I need to get this rot out of my brain before I implode

There's a few very minor Trimax spoilers but like. July is visually fucked already like c'mon

First off I'm gonna miss the angel/wing aesthetic a lot but god damn the plant (like. roots and flowers shit) stuff is cool also. Knives's "wing" made of blades in that one promo poster are a fun contrast. One could probably read it as like a fallen angel/lucifer type things but idk I don't think it's that deep.

Speaking of I CRACKED TF UP when I saw little Knives reading the bible. Just like. Under a tree. Help. Knives has become Catholic 🙏

(he's going through his reddit atheist phase)

I'm a bit disappointed by how little of Tessla was shown (ie there's nothing explicitly said about how the humans treated her, the aftermath of the twins' reactions, etc) but I'm gonna take a hit off my copium tank and hope that it gets elaborated on either next episode or much later. Considering the importance of Rem to Vash, the fact that this hasn't happened yet, that next episode is about Vash fighting back against the mind fuckery Knives did, and also that there's a giant fucking Rem made of plants eating July, it could happen? Like... Vash fighting back for his own free will could involve him confronting those memories again but idk we'll see. Also, Tessla's eyeball in Knives's hand in episode 10 was not explicitly touched upon (I don't think Tristamp has established that plants can merge together on a smaller scale like that but idk) so maybe that'll be shown in like the reaction or aftermath thing? Again. Copium.

The pregnant plants shit was weird but me knowing what Knives did in the manga made it a little less weird. Still weird but I don't think those plants are long for this world either considering in the past two versions of Trigun July gets completely annihilated.

Also, the memory loss being about fellow characters. I called it. I'd heard the prequel theory tossed around a lot (which btw I still hate. like chronologically and some events wise sure it could be a prequel but like prequel to me implies tristamp comes before '98/trimax and uh no it don't) and hypothesized that Vash would just completely forget about the rest of the cast. If Tristamp does Eriks in S2 (S2 orange? plz???!), he's gonna be way funnier/sadder when either Wolfwood or Meryl rolls up and he has no idea who they are :(

Anyways yeah. July ain't long for this world if it's not already gone. I wonder if the plant shit Vash is leaving everywhere is going to stay there or explode/implode next episode (I'm gonna go for implode considering the black hole gate shit from a few episodes ago). Kinda sad that there's no proper angel arm or "You're really gonna shoot me" moment but I'm delighted by the differences. It's a remix. It definitely isn't '98, it isn't Trimax, but man, I'm looking forward to what's coming next.

Anyways. Thoughts out of my head and into the world. Apologies. Feel free to brainrot with me if you want I am going insane

[humanoidtyphoons]

ep 17

-backstory ep of vash & knives… babies…

-ugh i love rem and her imperfections and how vash loves her, and then completely idolises her afterwards. i love that she absolutely means well but it has fucked vash up so completely, in a way that he would never realise, and if rem had known, i think she’d hate.

-damn they really don’t mention tessla at all… they def. insinuate that vash and knives aren’t human. steve calls them monsters, rem refers to them as angels. they were babies a year ago, and they’ve grown into 10 year olds (maybe) now. but they don’t really get into the plant backstory at all.

-it’s so interesting to neglect knives’ tipping point tbh? it’s just like he woke up and started believing in making the sacrifice without giving anyone a chance to choose otherwise. and. his attachment to vash… tristamp made it seem that knives is acting out of some severe twisted form of love/protection… doesn’t quite feel the same here. he loved vash enough to spare rem, but… she made her choice to save the other seed ships. he used to advocate for patience but… well with steve around, it’s not hard to see why he’d snap.

-tbh it’s hard to feel sorry for anyone besides rem and joey. bc steve, rowan and mary are… not that sympathetic. did they deserve to die? no. but. i don’t particularly feel bad for them…

-take care of knives, rem tells vash. her final words, and he repeats them 107 years later, walking into july. didn’t go well, did it? 21 years later, and knives is still a goddamn problem.

ugh i love this backstory episode, how it leaves me wanting more, and knowing that it’s not the entirety of the story, even tho augusta can’t have been too different to july, for vash to earn that reputation but it is still sad to know… it’s sad how things didn’t change between them and they live in this divide

[lesbovalentine]

u know what no wonder knives takes what happened to tessla worse in the long run. he faints and vash spends days starving himself then tries to kill himself and hurts rem in the process and gets the whole bonding moment

and nai just wakes up to them laughing and messing around, having missed everything in between. idk its just always so fun to me the extremes these twins go to in their responses to tessla. vash is like life > above ALL else because every life has potential to improve. and knives is like well clearly i cant even trust rem to take care of us or vash to give a damn about his own wellbeing so its up to me to get rid of all threats. and neither of these lads r coping well and they r both going Too Far with these ideologies. very fun to me always <3

[elusivekitten-blog1]

Katherine had been inside the woods for the past twenty minutes. She'd come up with a good way to discover what Tessla was, once and for all. The blonde was so hellbent on not believing her, but she was planning on proving her wrong - today. The girl was a banshee and she had to embrace that, if only to help Katherine gain the advantage against Abraxas. God, she hated that demon. He was the thorn in her side, the bane of her existence - she wanted rid of him, as soon as possible. And if Tessla could contribute there, Katherine would damn well make sure that her new geiger counter for death would do just that. The vampire was tapping her foot onto the muddy, forest floor as her arms were loosely crossed against her chest. She hated waiting, it wasn’t something that  Katherine was really known for - she wasn’t a very patient person. The sooner she made Tess realize that she had a knack for sensing death, the better. The woods were prepared, all Tessla had to do now was let her powers guide her.

@tessla-ainsworth

[hellsingmongrel]

Man, so I'm not normally the biggest fan of Modern AUs, nor am I overly fond of fiction focused on kids, but...last night, my sleeping brain decided to concoct this Trigun (Stampede-flavored) Modern AU that now is living rent free in my damn brain! I want to get it out of my head and into the ether. I don't know if I'm going to do anything long-form with it, and I'm having to translate dream weirdness into more coherent storytelling, but here we go.

So it's modern day Earth, like 2024 or some shit, right? And that's when this version of Earth had just begun fucking around with Plant cloning. It's early enough that the SEEDS project hasn't even left the planet, the scientists haven't yet figured out how to put Plants in bulbs and use them for fuel, none of that! But they've already had Tessla happen, and the boys have already been born. Since they're not in space, even though they had to have found out about their sister, Nai hasn't had a chance to literally nuke humanity from orbit, and I guess Rem has had a chance to try and curtail some of his trauma, so he's...more stable? Ish? Stable enough where he's not actively trying to murder everyone. And the boys are "older," like we see in the flashbacks for the time Vash encountered Nai during the Last Run, so probably around 6 years old but looking 16 or so.

Rem has managed to fudge their paperwork so they've started going to school with human kids, to try and give them a normal childhood. Nai isn't as eager to play ball with the whole "being human" thing as much as Vash is, but Vash has got so many friends, Meryl and Milly and Lina are there and they're like the cutest, most stupidly adorable group of friends, just a bunch of little goofballs, like kids that age are. And the school has a field trip to a theme park (it was Disneyworld in my dream because my school actually did this, but ours was a band trip) and Vash manages to convince Rem to let him go. Vash and Nai and Rem are still paranoid about humans figuring out who they are, so you know, he's told to be extra careful and take care of himself, and Nai gives him one of his blades or something for self defense, just in case something happens. Even though Vash would never, that boy has trauma around knives and trying to defend himself, if you've read Trimax, iykyk. But he takes it anyway, and somehow, he manages to sneak it into the park. Maybe the metal doesn't register on metal detectors or something, who knows.

But he's a kid, and kids are dumb. Especially when they're 16. Especially if those 16 year olds aren't actually 16 and don't have the actual lived experience to know better. So he starts playing with the knife in front of the girls, showing off and just being a silly little guy. And then the knife slips. Bad. We're talking "this is how he probably lost his arm in this AU" bad. Blood everywhere, the girls are panicking and take him to the school chaperones and it's like "HOLY SHIT WTF DUDE, We're taking you to the ER, someone call his mom!"

And he hears that, pictures the doctors finding out he's not human, remembers what happened to Tessla, and panics. Boy does a runner like only Vash can do, and he manages to get away from them, out of the park, and escapes from security. And when parents get involved in trying to find him, the authorities start looking into the incident, and someone in the government overseeing the Plant research is able to recognize the elemental make up of the blade he dropped, and they start having suspicions. So the feds get involved, and it just goes from bad to worse, right?

Meanwhile, loopy from blood loss and panicking and a little sobbing mess because he feels dumb about slipping up and he's afraid he'll never get to go home to his mom and his brother again and is spiraling the way kids do when they panic, he gets lost in the city and ends up stumbling over teenage Wolfwood, who lives on the streets and has a few street kids that he looks after on his own with Livio. They never got to live at the orphanage, but that also means that the Eye (in whatever form it takes in this AU) never got ahold of them, so yeah, shits fucked for them, but it's actually a whole lot better for them than it might have been. And it's Wolfwood without all of the EoM trauma, so you can just imagine what he does when this delirious, bloody, terrified, severely injured kid runs him over in the street, sobbing about being caught by the adults and taken away.

Big Brother Nico do what Big Brother Nico do.

At that point, I ended up waking up, but damn if my brain didn't give me enough details to come up with a dumb AU idea that I kind of love and want to do something with, but I don't know if I have the time or spoons to do so.

Ideas I'd had following this beginning to flesh itself out in my head; Luida and Brad are Plant researchers brought onto the project to help the feds figure out wtf is going on with this whole situation, and when Luida is told to talk to Rem, because she's not giving them anything they can use, the two of them reach a secret accord to bring Vash home safe and sound and cover everything back up nice and squeaky clean the way it should have stayed.

Vash's arm is bad enough that he can't really heal it very well on his own without medical care, Plant healing or no. He's doing better than most kids would, but it still begins to go septic, and it forces Nico and Livio to make the really hard decision to find adults they can trust to bring him to so he can get the care he needs. He still ends up losing his arm, though.

At the end of everything, Melanie ends up taking Nico and Livio and the other kids in, so they still get to have their momma figure, even if she comes in later. Maybe she's the one that they find to help them. Is she maybe someone they've known was mostly safe but was never able to get them to stick around long enough to take care of them? Either way, the boys get Vash to her, and it starts the process of getting him home and the kids finally staying at the orphanage.

Meryl, Milly, and Lina all end up sneaking away when they realize that Vash is in more trouble than the adults are letting on, trying to go find him, since they know him better than anyone other than Rem and Nai. Eventually, they meet up with Nico and Livio while everyone is trying to avoid federal agents.

Obviously it's lovey-dovey Vashwood and Insurance Girlfriends and Polygun-flavored, but in the "these kids are too oblivious to think about sexy things, yet" sort of way, because I really do headcanon that at least Vash is ace, Wolfwood is probably demi, and also I am not writing children getting intimate like that. >8/ But kids having little crushes on each other is adorable and I can't not have Vashwood and Insurance Girlfriends be the eventual outcome, once those idiots all grow up and get their heads screwed on straight.

Also, because Nai hasn't had a chance to murder everyone, Rem's managed to work with him enough that he's very slowly overcoming his trauma and regaining his ability to trust that he's not in permanent danger. He'll probably grow up to be a Plants Rights activist or something, lbh. Or a politician. But he's not going to murder people, so either way, it's a win/win!

Because Nico's been living on the streets with him, Razlo either hasn't had to manifest as strongly for Livio, or hasn't manifested at all. Livio is still the sweet, shy, crybaby teddy bear we see, and maybe Razlo only comes out when the feds start getting closer and almost managing to grab the kids, and because he's been able to bond with Nico and the other kids so well this time, Livio is close enough to them that the thought of them getting hurt or taken away is enough to make him want to protect their little group instead of just Livio.

Wolfwood absolutely grumbles about how alike Vash and Livio are. Both a couple'a crybabies, geez, what the Hell you two??? But he also is very much a teddy bear who gives the best hugs when one of his little band of gremlins is upset, so he probably spends more time in a cuddle pile than anything else, now that there's two of them to lose their shit at the drop of a hat.

Vash was totally the one very sweet boy in a clique of girls that everyone who'd known him realized, when they were adults looking back, that he was very much the sweet gay kid hanging out with the girls because it was safer to be himself around them than it was to be around the other boys. (This isn't meant as a stereotype of gay kids, this is based on actual kids I grew up with. My friend group honest to God adopted them because we were all a bunch of momma bears.)

Vash is also...not trans? Because he's a Plant and Plants don't work the same way humans do, but he's also not what humans would think of as a cis boy. He expresses a masc presentation, but probably the closest equivalent would be an intersexed kid. Nai, too, tbh, though he's probably more of the "I don't give a fuck" opinion when it comes to his own gender identity. He uses he/him because that's what humans think when they see him, but he doesn't care any deeper than that.

[hellsingmongrel]

So, bit of ramblings on my Post-Trimax Wolfwood headcanons.

Man, one of my favorite tropes in media is a character who's spirit lingers on after they've died, but it's usually something you only see in fanfic, so I cannot get over how FUCKING FERAL I was when I realized that it was legit a thing in Trimax, and that Wolfwood was the one we actually got to see, legitimately talking to the people he'd left behind and confirming that ghosts in the canon weren't just hallucinations or something! Like yeah, we saw Tessla leading the boys to her body, but since her ghost was never mentioned again, it could have easily have been written off as a fluke, right?

NOPE. They are real and they linger after to watch over the people they care about or to send messages to the people who are still alive! And the fact that the character who had just wormed his way into being just as beloved to me as my favorite character (Which NEVER happens, I usually only have enough brain cells for one at a time!) and that we had just had our hearts ripped to shreds watching him die was also the one we got to know had definitely stayed behind to watch over the people he loved just makes me SO HAPPY! I rp that asshole from time to time, and I just love exploring the implications of it!

I play him like he's been there a LONG TIME. When he died, Rem was there, watching over Vash, but when Knives spent the last of his energy, she chose to move on with him, now that she knew Wolfwood would be there to keep watch over Vash, and he took it SERIOUSLY. He's been waiting so long, he's lost his sense of time, he thinks it's only been a couple decades when it's been CENTURIES. And the time has softened his own trauma, he's gone from being surly and angry and defensive to being at peace and finding comfort in the fact that its allowed him to see more of Vash's life than he ever would have been able to live long enough to see when he was alive. And it's given him time to notice just how unwell Vash is, how broken he is, watching over him when he thinks he's alone and lets himself break down.

But it's also made Wolfwood a bit unwell in his own way; as time went on and the people he knew in life began to pass away, too, his interest in paying attention to what the people around them were doing wained, and his dedication to watching over Vash until it was his time to pass on became a strange sort of dependence. He loses his sense of self, in a way, until the most important thing in his existence is being there for Vash, waiting for him, having long-since accepted that when the time comes, it'll be over and he's alright with that.

He's happy, but to the perspective of a living person, it would seem TWISTED in a way. He still thinks he's a damned soul, stealing more time than he's allowed and only damning himself further by doing so, and he just knows that when he gets to walk Vash into whatever comes after for them, they'll be separated again, for the last time, and there won't be any coming back from it that time, because Vash is too good, too kind, too HOLY to ever be damned. But it's fine. Wolfwood knew he was damned long before his death, and time has just given him the chance to make peace with it and simply be happy with the fact that at least he'll be able to be with Vash when he can move on to wherever good people go at the end. And yet when it happens, Vash feels the same way about himself, so certain that he's the one who's damned, and their reunion is wonderful and painful and terrifying for both of them in different ways.

He's even worse with interacting with people, once he's forced to interact with the living. I play Wolfwood in a game where he stumbles into revealing himself after spending centuries never letting himself be seen, and he worries that going "silent" again will upset people. He's spent centuries being a silent shadow, certain that letting Vash know he was there would only cause more suffering for an already unwell mind, so he's forgotten how to interact with tact, blurting out whatever pops into his head because he's only had himself to talk to for all that time. He hurts people without meaning to, begins to suffer from the crisis of worrying that no matter what he does, he's a burden to the people who mourn him, he doesn't belong, his existence is nothing but a constant reminder of what's coming and will only cause the people around him pain. He's both able to be the kind, caring, loving person he might have been if the Eye of Michael had never taken him from the orphanage, and also a HUGE, ANXIOUS WRECK.

And the thing that makes it all worse for him is the fact that when he was dumped into the game I have him in, he was separated from the Vash of his timeline, and now lives in constant fear that he'll never see him again, that he won't be there when he passes on and there won't be anyone to greet him on the other side, alone and never knowing that he was waiting for him. He made a promise to Rem that he'd watch over him for her, that he'd lead him to his final destination where he could be with his family again, and now that he's lost that, what purpose does he have? He's terrified to let go himself, worried he'll pass onto the other side when Vash was right around the corner, but the thought of lingering without finding him again, missing his chance to be there for him when it's his turn, leaves him in an almost constant state of almost-panic.

I also just think it's kind of sweetly poetic, if in the end, he chose to continue the role he'd been forced into; take Vash where he's supposed to be. Only this time, it's his choice, and it won't be to his death. He wants to guide him to where he knows people are waiting for him, where he'll finally be happy and be at peace. He doesn't mind the fact that he's going to Hell, so long as he was able to be the one that leads Vash to the place where he won't have to be in pain ever again.

[vetrenar]

Ok, the second part of my rambles or why hugging Knives should be considered a form of convention weapon and must be used as often as possible.

A little disclaimer: what I'm gonna to talk about is applied mostly to Stampede and manga Knives. Not so much to 98, because while, objectively speaking, there is no reason for it, I kind of have a feeling that other two would very like to punch him to a pulp. The guy has an incredibly punchable face.

...Sorry, wrong picture.

Now, a question. Does Vash love Knives?

Yes, of course. Despite everything Knives did, Vash still consider him his brother and wants them to put away their difference.

Next question: Does Knives feel this love? Or, maybe, I'll paraphrase a bit: does he believe in it?

And here things become tricky. Because yeah, at some level Knives knows that Vash loves him. His little brother is a kind creature, after all, that's ready to share his heart with the whole world. He wants to save humans, wants to save Plants, why not to want to save Knives too, in this mix?

The problem is, Vash, bless his heart and everything, is a damn hypocrite. He gives promises that he isn't able to keep, runs from places to places doing essentially nothing and always, always, always, puts humans first.

So yeah, he loves Knives. Just as he loves his sisters, or maybe worms on this planet. As long as humans are safe, Vash is ready to feel sorry for them, or maybe even ask for forgiveness for everything humans put them through. They'll become better, one day.

And the worst part? Knives isn't exactly wrong in his assessment. Because Vash does put humans first, Stampede especially. And although a big part of the reason for that comes from his guilt complex and well, Knives, maybe you should have thought it a little better before putting it on your brother, but the fact stays: between a Plant and a human, Vash will instinctively choose a human.

Now, let's talk about the aftermath of Tessla's case. Stampede very suspiciously omitted most part of it, showing only Knives' choice of Vash's memories (and keep in mind that the whole point of that showcase was to break Vash, so Knives' "confession" of his motivations can't be taken at face value) and I will die on the hill that in the second season we're going to get Knives' round of it, but for now, let's go with the manga.

We know how it did go: while Vash had his emotional breakdown, Knives fell into coma. It isn't clear, did he faked his amnesia or not but even he didn't, the subconscious trauma still stayed.

And the first thing he saw after waking up? Vash and Rem, laughing together.

Think about this. Vash saw the extent of Knives shock, watching his brother being comatose for days. Even though he wasn't conscious, Vash had an affirmation that his twin shares his grief. Knives, though? He didn't have a chance to see Vash's resentment, desperation and anger. For him, his brother just... Brushed it off. Made a peace with it. And even if the wording was different, even if he was told something like "I understand if you're angry" - Knives already lost his affirmation. He had no chance of showing his anger, not when his twin was so calm about the matter and obviously decided to stay at humans side.

For Knives, Vash has already abandoned him for humans. Forgiveness is a thing that exist for sake of a victim, not a perpetrator, but Vash has already forgave theirs, therefore forcibly dragging Knives along before he even really started to proceed everything.

And so, Knives acted as he, with this mental block, was allowed to:

... And you know the reason of the story.

And after that? Constant arguing about how they should forgive and accept humans. (For manga, it's after the Fall, but in Stampede it started already on the ship. I'm sure that Knives read Bible before, just like he watched war movies before in manga. But after Tessla, he started to see evil there). Open expressions of fury, fear and hate from somebody who is never bothered to even become a bit angry on their sisters' behalf. A gun in your face after you saved his life.

Yeah, Vash's feeling are much more complicated than that. Alas, Knives doesn't have much chance to see that. From his point of view, Vash is ready to forgive humans everything, but Knives? He gets a gun and speeches how they all should live in peace. With a great plan mostly consisting of Plants forgivinig humans until they become better.

So, at some point Knives just... stops listening. He already knows what his brother thinks about him. It doesn't matter. Knives won't let Vash's hate stop his love for him. Gunshots, Vash's cries of anger, pain, fear - it all become a white noise that should be ignored.

Ignore when they hurt you, just do your thing and come to them again and again, and one day they will listen to you? Ironically, but for most part, it's exactly how Knives tries to act with Vash. Well, in his own, a bit psychotic, version of things, with him not only waiting but also taking some actions. (Ok, a lot of actions.)

And it's incredible how all that cold and collected persona dissipates on 12 ep of Stampede, where Knives is left with nothing but a desperation to make his brother understand. Only for Vash, when Knives lays his heart bare, to reject him. Again.

And Vash has his own reasons. Completely understandable reasons, I would say, because while he is a superhuman only in physical sense on things. He had his own anger, and pain, and fear, and inner struggle. Knives hurt him enormously and there is no wonder that Vash doesn't want to give up his stance. And he shouldn't, really. But...

Knives isn't strong, at least, mentally. He created this illusion of being the older, the one in charge, to protect himself (in Stampede, this illusion starts a bit earlier, with him being the "perfect Independent" who for some reason should hide his powers and "weak" Vash, who is, by Rem's words, "perfect as he is") but in the end this made-up hierarchy harmed both him and Vash, locking them in their respective positions. And Knives was motivated by fear, he wanted protection, wanted Vash to stand up for him - something what Vash, who for so many years saw Knives as the strongest one, the one who decides, the one who must be defeated, wasn't capable to do and had no idea about. He had his own personal growth to do, and couldn't be the mentally senior figure Knives needed.

And that's why one day I going to write this fic about TriMax Vash finding himself in Stampede world. These idiots clearly need an older brother.

For Knives, Vash was the one who abandoned him, again, again and again. The one who blabbed about love and peace while aiming a gun at him. For over hundred years, there was only one case when Vash prioritized Knives over everything else, took his side clearly enough that there were no ways left for Knives to doubt it.

And guess what? This single act snapped Knives out his frenzy better that all these bullets before that.

And I'm quite sure that Stampede plot could be quite shorter if upon that meeting five years after the Fall, Vash would confirmed that yes, he understood Knives' ire before confronting him over humans death. Like, the kid was one hug away from breaking down. Too bad that he never allowed himself acknowledge it.

So, the moral of the story: hug your Kniveses. Be cautious, though, because while Vashes bite, Kniveses... Let's say that they aren't very good for your extremities. Assert your dominance with care and don't force them to bottle up their anger, even unintentionally. If you do it right, everything will be fine.

... Well, maybe. Hope for the best, one day it surely will be alright.

[player-1]

Conrad, holding baby Tessla: Were you the one who discovered the first Independent Plant or retrieved her from the bulb at two in the morning? No? Then I'm calling dibs, this is my kid now :)

Rem: ...I can't believe I'm saying this, but dibs on the Plant or not, you shouldn't be holding the damn baby like that!