#but genuine admiration?? like sure harper still wants to fuck you and make money off of you during therapy BUT

[rason-rodd]

Promising (Begging part 6) (Arkham Knight! Jason Todd x Reader)

Summary: Jason, Roy and yourself are following a lead to stop the crime boss hidden behind the weapon traffic in Qurac. Unfortunately, when you come out with a plan, Jason disapproves and tells you he wants you out of this mission. You won’t let him do that.

A/N: So there it is, the penultimate chapter of the “Begging” series. Sorry for the long wait. Hoping it was worth it.

Warning: Fluff, Smut, Angst (slightly), Language, Violence, 

Tagged:  I decided not to tag anyone since I’m not sure everyone would be interested in reading a fanfic that hasn’t been updated for months

PART  1 /  PART 2 / PART 3 / PART 4 / PART 5

Jason Todd knew Gotham by heart. He knew her for everything she was. He knew the two sides of her, sides she couldn’t hide, sides she could embrace. He knew her darkness, her light, her beauty, and her monstrosity. He knew the gothic terrifying gargoyles and the menacing dark alleys as much as he knew her brand new modern architecture and the shining luxurious avenues. He knew the sound of Gothamites cheering on a Saturday night as well as the sound of ambulances on a Sunday morning and the silence of hearses on Monday. He knew her people as well. He knew how loud they could shout, laugh, love and fight. He knew how they could give life and how easily they could end it.             Yes, even if she was twisted and flawed, Jason Todd learned to love Gotham for who she was. A microcosm of the world, his world. After, Gotham had brought him to the world, like a mother. And like any mother, she was unique.

That’s why he hated the place he was now. A bright dazzling sun, a thin warm golden sand, a freshly mowed green lawn, a perfectly blue swimming pool and a fancy hotel with a view on the Persian Gulf. A fake dishonest beauty made by rich men who believe that petrol and money give them power and the right to openly enjoy luxury and comfort while the rest of the country is starving and decaying.

“Can I ask you a question, Jaybird?” The never tired Roy Harper asked with a liveliness that had the superpower to annoy Jason. “One, don’t call me that. And two, I’m gonna say ‘no’ but I have the feeling you’ll ask anyway because ‘no’ is apparently a word that is not part of your limited vocabulary.”   “ Still mad at me for booking a suite in this heavenly place I see.” Jason glowered through his black sunglasses, his face half hidden under a cap. “Oh come on! What is it with you batboys? Can’t you enjoy life a little and stop brooding over god knows what?”             “ It was a waste of money.” He replied curtly.           “ Oh really? Because the view right now is not worth millions to you?” Roy nodded towards you approaching the swimming pool wearing a backless black swimsuit that hugged all your curves in the most perfect way. “Damn. What a babe!” Jason’s glare intensified instantly but he didn’t say a word. He didn’t need to. Roy could perfectly understand his jealousy and his anger in his silence. “I can’t see your eyes behind those glasses but I’m definitely sure you’re looking daggers at me right now. It must me your jaw. It is more clenched than usual.”   Jason grumbled and looked back at you entering the water slowly and wetting the nape of your neck. Roy was right. You were indeed very sexy but it wasn’t the word Jason wanted to use to describe you. To him, you were not just sexy. You were gorgeous, sublime and magnificent before all. Simply flawless. Unlike Roy, Jason couldn’t look at you and just think, “Damn! What a babe.” He could only gaze and worship every bit of yourself, admire every curve of your body, worship every inch of your skin. And even when the water was sliding between your breasts and suggesting him to stand up, lick it and do to you all the dirty things he has been repressing for days, he couldn’t help but keep on idolizing you as a goddess.           “ Are you two …?” Roy started and Jason glowered again to warn him. Careful with your words, Roy Harper. “ Together or … something like that?”             “ No.” He replied simply.       “ But you used to, no?” Jason didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to talk about his personal life with a man he had met a few days ago and that he would never see again once the mission over. Plus, he didn’t want to remember the time he had spent with you because even the most beautiful memories can be the most painful. “ I take it as a yes. You’re not a talkative man, you know that?” New silence. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep my hands to myself, like Selena Gomez.” He joked but that wasn’t funny to Jason, like at all. “Okay, so: always complaining, quiet and humorless. What did that beautiful creature see in you?”   “ Honestly, I don’t know.”    

“ Aren’t you boys tired of bickering?” You asked as you approached them to sit on the edge of  Jason’s sun lounger.     “ Bickering?” Jason harrumphed as he sat up straight, watching you above his glasses with an incredulous look. “Yes. You look like an old couple after their platinum anniversary.”           “Awww. See Jaybird, we’re a couple. Inseparable and made for each other. Till death do us apart” Roy laughed before he received Jason’s towel in the face “Your death is gonna be very soon, Harper.”             You rolled your eyes, exasperated by their childish behaviours though secretly amused. Those two had the real potential to be best friends. “Anyway, any news on the target?”   “ Finally someone interested in doing the job.” Jason sighed of relief. “Well, according to the hotel registry …”             “ That Roy hacked,”  Roy added with a proud smile             “ He is due to arrive tomorrow.” Jason continued, ignoring him. “He booked the entire penthouse and something tells me that taking that scumbag down won’t be a piece of cake. I went on reconnaissance this morning. It seems there are cameras in the every hotel corridors leading to the suite as well as in the elevator and cherry on top, a security code to access the floor.” “ Can’t we just hack all those things?” You looked at Roy since you knew he was certainly the best hacker among you three. “ I can hack the cameras for sure, yes. But even if I do, we will still have a bunch of gorillas protecting our dealer. He must expect us, or at least you ” He pointed at Jason. “ and we can’t enter without the code which I’m not sure I can hack if it’s digital. And if I can’t hack it none of your bat-toys will work.  ”             “ What about breaking in by the window?” You suggested. “ Thought about that. Impossible. Windows are armoured.”           “ Damn! That dude is paranoid!” Roy’s eyes widened and the three of you remained silent to think of a solution. Luckily, you were the one to find one.     “ Does your man have a buyer already?” You asked, genuinely curious         “ Certainly. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have bothered coming here.”             “ And how much does the cargo cost?”                     “Maybe 10 million dollars. Why?” Jason was a bit scared right now. You sounded too determined.         “ Then maybe we should make an offer worth more than 10 Million, an offer he can’t refuse. That would be the best key to access his suite without breaking in.”   “ Pretending to be potential buyers? I like that.” Roy smiled, definitely cheerful and already into the plan. “Please tell it will involve costumes and accent.  I’m good at Mexican accent.”             “ You won’t need an accent. I have a plan.”

It didn’t sound safe, at all. At least that was what Jason’s brain screamed to him as you explained how you thought you three should proceed. His brain screamed so loud he stopped listening at the “once in the suite” part of your suicide plan. “This is madness!” He growled as he took off his sunglasses for you to realise how much he disagreed with you. “This is gonna get us all killed, Y/N. This is gonna get you killed.”             “ Thanks for worrying for me, I suppose,” Roy mumbled before Jason looked daggers at him. He never meant he didn’t care for Roy to get killed. He barely knew the guy but he was not selfish or heartless enough not to care about his safety. But he would not explain his words right now. “This is not Gotham. These men are not lowly street thugs. This is no batkids game.” “ I never considered it a game.” You managed to say as he briefly stopped in his lecture. “Then why are you acting like a child?”         “ A child?” You harrumphed, stunned by the criticism. You never behaved like a child!   “Reckless!” He clarified. “You don’t know shit about the man you want to deal with. You don’t fucking care about this mission. You got into it because of me. You have no selfless goal in this. All you want is to drag my ass back to Gotham quickly enough to solve the family drama. You don’t take all this seriously.” How could he talk you like that? You opened your mouth to retort, angry and embarrassed but he stood up and kept shouting the same way Bruce used to shout at you when you were Batgirl. “Honestly, Y/N. Just leave this place. Go home. We’ll see each other in Gotham.”         “ No.” Your answer was that simple and it’s probably that simplicity that unsettled Jason. He stared at you with round eyes, mouth agape. You glowered back at him, letting an uncomfortable silence settled between you.           “ You don’t get to decide for me, anymore.” You finally added with a coldness that froze this sunny paradisiac place.   “ When did I ever get to decide for you?” He asked between his gritted teeth.       “ When you left me.” You replied gravely and resentfully. The frown on Jason’s face slowly disappeared and soon guilt and sadness could be read in his young wounded eyes. You knew you had just dropped a bomb on him but you weren’t sure to regret it. After all, he could be such an ass sometimes. “See you both later.” You said as you left him to ponder over your words. “ Wow. I don’t know how you guys broke up, Jaybird, but she’s still not over it.”            

Call it stubbornness or recklessness, you wouldn’t change your mind. You were too involved now. Plus your plan was enough tied together to work, you were sure of it. Jason just needed to open his eyes a little to realise it and stop with his overprotectiveness already.     But he was way too much like you. He would never admit he was wrong or change his mind and, as you were alone in your room, you were getting ready for a new argument since you were certain he was currently establishing a list of undeniable reasons for you to abandon the mission.

When you heard footsteps from behind your door, you guessed you wouldn’t have to wait long. 1, 2, 3 … You started counting on your fingers and the door slammed open. “ What the hell was that?!” You sighed and stared at Jason whose face was now as red as his hood.       “Me avoiding the conflict, I suppose.” You replied calmly. “Since arguing with you is impossible.” “ There was no reason to argue.”       You rolled your hand with a sarcastic smile, waiting for him to go on, to lash out, to tell you everything he wanted to say to you. “I’m taking care of this. You’ve been involved enough.” “ Oh, so I have to leave but Roy can stay?” You frowned.   “ Roy was working on this way before we met.”       “ Oh sorry, I didn’t realize that there was a registration period.” Jason pinched the bridge of his nose to breathe in loudly, definitely annoyed. “ You don’t seem to evaluate the danger, Y/N” “ I evaluate the danger perfectly, Jason. I was trained to do so. Just like you. I’m not rushing into the lion’s hen without a plan.”       “ It’s a bad plan! It won’t work!” He shouted with a trembling voice.         “ Why don’t you trust me?” Jason stared at you. You were genuinely looking for his answer. He could see it in your saddened eyes. “I do trust you. It’s you who don’t trust me.” His tone was suddenly a lot calmer. He came to sit by your side on the bed. “I just want to protect you, like I always did. And you can find my attitude revolting and silly and have all the arguments in the world to try to make me change my mind or even tell me again that it’s me making choices for you, I won’t let you do this. There is too much risk I could lose you.”

Tiny tears had formed in his beautiful blue eyes but he didn’t let them flow. Instead, he just looked away and remained quiet and tensed, his hands gripping tightly at the bed sheets.         You stared at him, not really knowing what to say. Perhaps there was nothing to say, just something to do. You took his hand in yours and he welcomed it by intertwining his fingers yours. But he still couldn’t even glimpse at you, apprehensive of what he would see. He breathed out. “Leaving you was the toughest choice of my life and I get you’re still mad at me. The thing is, seeing you in this bed, between life and death, because of me, was something I could not handle. I couldn’t live with myself and I didn’t want you to live with myself either. I was dangerous, to you, to everyone I loved and I was still broken because of Joker.” You let him talk, listening carefully to his grave confessions which, you knew, was something very hard for him to do. “I’m not broken anymore, not as much as I was when I met you. I picked myself up, accepted that Joker would always be a part of me. But today, it’s not about Joker anymore or about my state of mind, but it’s still about me. Y/N I cannot put you in danger again because … if something happens to you and it’s on me again, then, I don’t think I’ll survive it this time.” Jason looked down at his feet, terrified by his own words and by all the images of you dying on him passing in his head. He still had your hand in his and he was holding it tighter right now, refusing to let you go.

You knelt on the bed and cupped his face, forcing him to finally look at you. He did and accepted you seeing his fear, his weakness. You pressed your forehead against his. “ You will never lose me.” You declared. “But I don’t want to lose you either. You can’t leave again.” He stared right into your eyes; making you a silent promise only your eyes could catch. And he bound that promise with a soft kiss that eased the pain they had both kept during all these years. It was soft, pure, healing.         Jason helped you press your body against his, deepening your kiss. He needed it. He needed that kiss, that embrace. He needed you and he was tired of keeping you away.       He tightened his arms around you. So did you. Your hand on his neck, you pulled him even closer, as if it was even possible, and a soft moan resonated in both your throats. That was the signal Jason so longed to hear again.         He nestled his face in your neck and started kissing you right there. You breathed in deeply, enjoying his expert mouth along with the sudden heat growing and rushing in your body. You lay down on the bed, pulling Jason onto you, and touched his chiseled muscular abs through his t-shirt with the tips of your fingers. How much you had missed his soft hot skin.

Jason pulled up your skirt and his hands venture from your thighs to what was between them. Instinctively, you spread your legs, welcoming Jason between them. He knelt and stared at you with awe and a desire that left you a bit uneasy for his lust was drawn in admiration.  “You’re so perfect.” He whispered. You blushed and when you tried to tell him he was wrong, he caught your lips to kiss you again, this time more passionately than before. You grabbed the hem of his t-shirt to get rid of it.  Jason helped you and threw the fabric away. You gazed at his magnificent chest, ignoring the tiny scars covering it. He was so dashing.

You pushed Jason on the mattress and straddled him. The call of his bare chest was too loud for you to resist your urges any longer. You slowly started planting humid tiny kisses down his body, using occasionally your tongue to lick his hot skin. You loved doing it, perhaps even more than him liking it. And you had missed it terribly.       Jason hissed as you approached the V of his abs, your hands on the hem of his shorts. His jaw was clenched and his blue eyes were now dark with desire, begging you to do it. That made you grin and you pulled his shorts along with his boxers. His half-erect cock sprang free and you grabbed it to jerk him off a bit.       Jason let a small growl escape his lips and sat up to pull off your little dress. How happy he was when he realised you were wearing no bra, and those breasts, gosh, he could gaze at them, at you, forever. He caressed your hair, moving it aside so that he could clearly see your beautiful face and you smiled before kissing the tip of his penis. He hissed again and you looked up at him before starting to suck his cock without breaking eye contact. Jason cursed. That was just divine. “Damn.” You looked divine too, with pleasure glowing on your face as you were genuinely enjoying him in your mouth. Jason began thrusting in you, holding you by your hair, occasionally and accidentally making her almost gag on him, but you didn’t mind. It reminded you good old times and he was still sweet and respectful.         Jason’s head suddenly slammed against the mattress. His eyes closed and his jaw clenched as he gripped your hair harder. You knew what it meant but you didn’t stop. You bobbed your head more quickly and massaged his balls, moaning sensually with his throbbing cock still in your mouth, the way you remembered he liked. “No, please, not now, Y/N.” He moaned and you stopped, rather proud of yourself to see him like that.           “Come here” Your eyes widened slightly when you understood he wanted you to sit on his face but shock moved on to arousal. You did as he said; your pussy already wet, and placed yourself upon his face. Jason caught your thighs and without forewarning began kissing your clit. Your legs instinctively almost closed and you grabbed his hair as his tongue was now playing with your bud. He was doing great, licking up and down, down and up, so great you eventually started moving your hips. “Jay” You whispered. He hummed against you and the vibration made you vibrate yourself, moaning louder than before. He had found the right spot apparently. “Oh, Jay. Ha” You were unable to talk properly now. “Yes right there.”           Jason grabbed your thighs more strongly to keep you still as you were getting  wetter in his mouth. You were close. So close. Only a few more licks and kisses. And that’s it. You caught his thick thighs not to fall and came loudly on his face. Your body trembled and shook under so much pleasure and Jason grabbed your waist, staring at you in admiration as you came undone on top of him. He sat up, held you against him and you nestled your face in his neck, exhausted. “You’re okay?” He asked as he kissed your shoulder. You nodded and he laid you down on the bed again. “Shall we keep going?” You nodded again and positioned himself between your legs. You felt him penetrate you softly and slowly. A sweet moan escaped your mouth and Jason started moving. He was so kind, so gentle, simply perfect. His moves were tender and loving. You loved it so much.       You sighed, enjoying how sweet he was. “I love you, you know?” he said staring at you in the eye. “I love you too, Jay.” He kissed you softly, still moving in and out of you. He kept on that pace for a few minutes but then he felt the urge to come. You felt him and wrapped you legs around him. You wanted him to do it inside of you. He understood it and so he put weight on his arms and he deepened his thrusts. You dug your nails in his arms and watched his cock coming in and out of you more quickly and more roughly between your legs. Jason growled, loudly, and suddenly stopped moving. You felt his cock twitching and his seed spreading inside of you and dripping from your pussy as he pulled out.

Jason let himself fall by your side and breathed out deeply. He didn’t say anything. He simply took your hand in his.         He’ll never let you go. So will you.

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs: june, week two

the songs that debuted on the 6.10.2017 and 6.9.2007 editions of the billboard hot 100 discussed herein with an appropriate enthusiasm

6.9.2007

6.9.2007 15) "This Is My Now," Jordin Sparks 18) "You Give Love a Bad Name," Blake Lewis 66) "A Broken Wing," Jordin Sparks 80) "I Who Have Nothing," Jordin Sparks 99) "Time of the Season," Blake Lewis

So these are five performances from American Idol that America liked enough to pay for. I'm sure other people paid for Blake Leiws' version of "This Is My Now," and bless those nice people for believing in something. Jordin Sparks is probably one of the most talented people to ever win Idol; given how well she performed and how young she was, I'd argue she's the fourth-best winner. (Obviously, I'm not here to besmirch Kelly, Carrie, or Fantasia. Candice, Ruben, and Caleb are awesome, but like Jordin was 16.) I get why we don't hear much from Jordin these days, pop music is fickle and so few names in the 2007 list appear on the 2017 list, but she should've had more. Blake, yo yo yo, you know what, dawg, I think, hey, I think "You Give Love a Bad Name" is one of the all-time Idol moments, one of the few performances I still remember to this day, like there's no singing for a third of the performance that's goddamn amazing THAT DRUMMER THO, but he should've been bounced Top Three at the latest. I know I came here to review pop songs and not season six of American Idol, but these songs weren't hits, you weren't driving down the street blastin' a live performance of a 40-year-old British invasion jam, I'ma do what I want heck y'all.

30) "Big Things Poppin' (Do It)," T.I.

T.I.'s in a weird space in the rap game where he was one of the biggest names for a hot minute, there's not a soul in America that doesn't know "Live Your Life" or "Whatever U Like," but if you're making your list of the best MCs of all time, you're crazy if you put him in the Top 10. Hell, it'd be hard to put him in a Top 50. Maybe top 100, but there’s been nearly 40 years of rap music. T.I.’s fine, but I’m not sure I can’t name 100 rappers better than him, or who advanced the genre more. This song is an example of T.I.'s above-averageness: he does just enough to make it memorable, that hook gets stuck in your head for ten years and never leaves, but there's nothing in this song I can point to as being uniquely T.I. Like, the first T.I. song I ever heard had a hook from a Jay-Z song, y'know? It's a nice song, I had a fun time revisiting it, but I can't imagine I would've made my way back to this moment were it not for this project.

54) "Tarantula," Smashing Pumpkins

...I should like this? It's rock veterans making a solid rock song? If I have "I Don't Wanna Stop" in the top 20 I should probably have felt this more than I did? But. Here we are. I thought it rocked, but I also think several buttrock songs by bands that weren't way more important in the '90s rock, so the song needed to do more for me than that, needed to hit that "I Don't Wanna Stop" thing, and, ugh, is this expectation? Is this lingering bias against Smashing Pumpkins working here, and not an honest assessment of the song itself? I don't think Billy Corgan's a good person, but he knows how to construct a song, and hey, if I'm giving Shakira credit for being a Latin music pro, I should give Billy Corgan for credit for making a nice song I mostly enjoyed, however many reservations I have about enjoying it.  Ugh, fine. The guitar player whose name I probably should remember given that Smashing Pumpkins are a thing did work. I can't deny him his credit, unless I fail to remember his name, which, oops.

76) "4 in the Morning," Gwen Stefani

The Wikipedia entry for this song claims this a 1980s-inspired midtempo synth ballad, and, um, I've heard E MO TION at least 30 times. This is not E MO TION. This belongs nowhere near E MO TION. This would've been cut from Side B. How dare you sully the nice name of 1980s-inspired synthpop. How DARE you.

83) "Beautiful Girls," Sean Kingston

This bass does work. I can appreciate the nice bass in this song while thinking the rest of the content is trash. This song has a verse about how Sean Kingston went to jail in '99. What the even hell even. It's a far stranger song than I could have imagined, and I remembered the hook makes reference to Sean Kingtson being suicidal because girls are pretty.

95) "Lip Gloss," Lil Mama

...I love this. Look. Look. I didn't expect to form this opinion, and you know it. I didn't expect to be entranced by this "Grindin"-for-Kidz-Bop beat. I didn't think Lil Mama was gonna be that decent on the mic. I didn't think I would find the lyrical content to be any dumber than anything else that's ever been on pop radio. (”Something Just Like This” is in the top ten. Tell me this song’s dumber than that. Go ahead. “Spiderman’s control.” Tell me that line has more impact and weight than “All the boys be jockin’/They chase me after school.”) I didn't expect any of this. But here we are. I love "Lip Gloss," the song we all made fun of ten years ago. Like this is legit. This is not "Friday," this is not something I enjoyed purely as trash, this is something legitimate, something worth defending. Will it change the world? No. Am I sure I'm not just reacting to a vision of high school that is fun and carefree in a world dominated by media in which high schoolers are either getting raped or planning a massacre? Not entirely! But. I. Love. This. Song. It's nice and I like it. I don't care what this says about me, this song is great, and y'all can go get hecked if you have anything bad to say about this delightful little treat.

96) "Make Me Better," Fabolous ft./Ne-Yo

Very "last song of a unit of writing." It's not bad or good, it just sort of exists, so I can listen to it and check out, like, Alright! We will have either made jokes about or wrung our hands with self-seriousness over six pop songs, don't need to do anything special with this one, just shoehorn in the 6.9 acknowledgement in the first sentence and we'll be done in two! But f'real I don't have a ton of nice things to say about this song. Just standard Timbaland trash, with Ne-Yo doing his best to salvage it and an occasionally-interesting rapper raising an eyebrow at a challenge but remaining seated.

The Top 20 is poppin’. The Top 20 is cool. 20) "U + Ur Hand," by P!nk (1.13.2007) 19) "Doe Boy Fresh," by Three 6 Mafia ft./Chamillionaire (1.20.2007) 18) "Get Me Bodied," by Beyonce (5.26.2007) 17) "Lip Gloss," by Lil Mama (6.9.2007) 16) "I Don't Wanna Stop," by Ozzy Osbourne (5.26.2007) 15) "Stolen," by Dashboard Confessional (4.21.2007) 14) "Beautiful Liar," by Beyonce & Shakira (3.31.2007) 13) "Cupid's Chokehold," by Gym Class Heroes ft./Patrick Stump (1.13.2007) 12) "The River," by Good Charlotte ft./M. Shadows & Synyster Gates (2.10.2007) 11) "Say OK," by Vanessa Hudgens (2.17.2007) 10) "Alyssa Lies," by Jason Michael Carroll (1.13.2007) 9) "Never Again," by Kelly Clarkson (5.12.2007) 8) "Get Buck," by Young Buck (4.14.2007) 7) "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," by Jennifer Hudson (1.13.2007) 6) "Thnks fr th Mmrs," by Fall Out Boy (4.28.2007) 5) "Candyman," by Christina Aguilera (1.13.2007) 4) "Because of You," by Ne-Yo (3.17.2007) 3) "Umbrella," by Rihanna ft./Jay-Z (4.28.2007) 2) "Dashboard," by Modest Mouse (2.17.2007) 1) "The Story," by Brandi Carlile (4.28.2007) 2017 be jockin’. It chases me after school.

6.10.2017

(42) "Strip That Down," by Liam Payne ft./Quavo

I'm actually kind of impressed that the individual members of One Direction each have solo projects significantly different from one another's. Like, Harry's doing a weird Queen thing, Niall's doing a basic white-boy soul thing, ZAYN is doing something shitty, Louis is havin' some Cheetos or whatever who cares, and Liam's actually made a trashy, dumb, fun pop song. I dunno, I didn't expect to be sitting in my apartment on 31 May 2017 realizing I liked Liam's solo career the most, but here we are. Kid made a less gross Jason Derulo song. I can appreciate a fun three and a half minutes. (Also: Quavo is sort of the 2017 T.I. He's ubiquitous. I have heard at least ten of his verses this year. I can't remember a single word from any of them.)

(43) "Deja Vu," by Lauren Duski (66) "Money on You," by Chris Blue (92) "The Dance," by Lauren Duski

For as long as they can wring ca$hdollars out of selling iTunes singles, The Voice will never die, even if they never end up producing a bona fide superstar. Of course, The Voice doesn't exist to find the next great superstar; it exists to help superstars win trophies, which is a weird vaguely dystopic twist on the reality singing competition genre. (Think of how many of the auditioners come from nothing and have made some amount of sacrifice for one chance to impress a millionaire with their mouthsounds. It's kinda fucked up!) I think Chris Blue has a decent shot at having one genuine hit; I'd stop short of superstar, but I think this nation could stand to fuck with a dude who can pull off Janet on live TV. (iTunes slept on "Rhythm Nation. That's one of those Eurovisiony heights The Voice can occasionally hit.) Lauren Duski's road to stardom is easier but also not; country music is wide and welcomes all with a recognizable name, but at the same time, I've heard her perform three ballads competently the last two weeks. The country music game is run by women who can fuck those ballads UP, y'all. I wish these kids the best and hope I see Chris Blue pop up here in a couple months.

(46) "Swish Swish," by Katy Perry ft./Nicki Minaj

In 2014, Bryce Harper hit a home run in the playoffs off Hunter Strickland. He admired his home run for a touch longer than is custom; one could argue he was trying to assess if it was fair or foul before he jogged around the basement, but facts are facts, he looked at his magnificent fly ball. Though Hunter Strickland's team would win the playoff series and, eventually, the World Series, Hunter Strickland never forgot the insult and harbored his resentment until, in 2017, two and a half years after the fact, Hunter Strickland pelted Bryce Harper with a 98 MPH fastball, finally earning retribution for the insult he suffered in 2014. The reaction from most people in baseball was that Hunter Strickland was an asshole and probably should have let it go, it was nearly three years ago and you won the World Series. Look. Is Tay Tay a good person? Probably not! Does this mean I want to hear a Katy Perry song about a years-old beef I forgot they had? No! But then again, I have never in my life wanted to hear a Katy Perry song, so I dunno, maybe she has the right, point is, Katy Perry makes bad songs and I hate that I started this project in a year where multiple Katy Perry songs were released. A new Carly Rae Jepsen joint dropped last week. I dunno, maybe we might've liked that more? I like it a lot more! I am going to think about the Carly Rae Jepsen song.

(47) "Crying in the Club," by Camila Cabello

This was dope! It's kind of Sia-by-numbers, "Crying in the Club" is a concept I feel I could have arrived at if given five minutes to think of a decent parody of a Sia-type song, but, enh, Sia-by-numbers is still a pretty snazzy pop song. Legit, tho, so I turned on the music video and was already groaning because it was 5:30, not realizing they played a preview of some ballad and not just "Crying in the Club." So there was a solid few seconds where I thought the song transitioned from morose ballad to club banger, and if I'm being real? If this song actually started as a morose ballad that just turned on a dime into the club banger? It might've been my favorite song of the year. I would've been way into that. The vanilla song's fine, I appreciate what it has to offer, but the song I thought it was for three seconds? Amazing.

(76) "Yours if You Want It," by Rascal Flatts

Rascal Flatts is like the music version of Diet Mountain Dew: my mom had it all the time, I'd have a can every now and then if I didn't wanna go to the store for a soda pop, I haven't had it in years, and when I'm 52 it'll be the only thing I drink because it goes down so smooth and gives me more than enough energy to do my yardwork. (Hahahahahah I'm never owning a home GOT TOO MANY IPHONES TO PURCHASE.) Still, it's a country song that isn't preening about how country it is. I'm OK with this. Diet Mountain Dew is a mostly OK drink.

(77) "Most Girls," by Hailee Steinfeld

Part of me kinda wishes Hailee Steinfeld would collab with T Bone Burnett just to acknowledge the fact she was ever in a Coen Brothers movie, and also I want to hear a T. Bone Burnett 2017-era pop song. I think we should sign a change dot org petition to get a T. Bone Burnett-penned joint with a Quavo feature. This is like people got together and said, "Okay, 'Scars to Your Beautiful' had a great message. What if there were a version of that song that didn't suck?" Like, imagine that, an inspirational song that's upbeat. It's nuts.

(94) "Boy," by Lee Brice

oh good a slow boring country song about some basic shit. "there'll be a small town night." goddamnit. i wonder if there's anyone in country music that might've been willing to turn a song like this into an examination on toxic masculinity, like if anyone in country would sing a song to their son about how their father raised them not to acknowledge his emotions and he doesn't want to be that cold to his own son, or let his son not express himself. i think country music as a whole is gonna stay a thousand miles away from tumblr phrases like "toxic masculinity," but i dunno, this song made me think of a song that could be better. it gave me an idea, at least. not that i actually, like, write music, but if i did, i would write country songs about phrases i read on tumblr. "and i swore i wouldn't do this/leave you danglin' like a leaf/'cuz you're the only girl on my mind/i'm none pizza/you're my left beef." get me to a recording studio please.

So Camila Cabello squeaks into the Top 20! 20) "Crying in the Club," by Camila Cabello (6.10) 19) "The Heart Part 4," by Kendrick Lamar (4.15) 18) "Selfish," by Future ft./Rihanna (3.18) 17) "Slide," by Calvin Harris ft./Frank Ocean & Migos (3.18) 16) "Felices los 4," by Maluma (6.3) 15) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini (2.25) 14) "Bad Liar," by Selena Gomez (6.3) 13) "DNA." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 12) "It Ain't Me," by Kygo x Selena Gomez (3.4) 11) "Craving You," by Thomas Rhett ft./Maren Morris (4.22) 10) "That's What I Like," by Bruno Mars (3.4) 9) "Chanel," by Frank Ocean ft./A$AP Rocky (4.1) 8) "Either Way," by Chris Stapleton (5.27) 7) "Run Up," by Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18) 6) "Green Light," by Lorde (3.18) 5) "ELEMENT." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 4) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4) 3) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11) 2) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14) 1) "Hard Times," by Paramore (5.13) And not a moment before I bothered to look up if her name was Camila or Camilla! It’s the first one. I know that now. I know one less memory from childhood because I now remember how the pop star’s name is spelled.

Who won the week?

I think I used the descriptor “basic” for every song in 2017, which either means I’m a shitty writer or 2017 didn’t bring the heat. Like, my first impression is to call this a tie because both weeks were kinda bleh, enjoyable in spurts but bleh overall, but you compare the top three for each week: 1) “Crying in the Club” vs. “Lipgloss:” “Lipgloss” by a significant margin 2) “Most Girls” vs. “Big Shit Poppin’ (Do It):” “Big Shit Poppin’,” by a smaller margin 3) “Yours if You Want It” vs. “Tarantula:” ...I can’t fucking believe I liked a Smashing Pumpkins song enough to prove a point about how decent a week 2007 was, but, ugh, I guess I did. (You could sub in “Strip Me Down” for “Yours if You Want It.” It doesn’t matter.) Plus, the Idol performances were better than the Voice performances. (The ones that charted, anyway. Again, we are sleeping on “Rhythm Nation.”) So, good job, 2007.

2017: 6 2007: 5