#but he's out here in SUF like 'i just don't get what the big deal is why is steven like soooo upset'

[bloodsbane]

anyways my toxic trait is that i get mad at people who don't have the same level of media literacy as me

[blueberryrock]

Hey guys and gals, so it turns out that they released the new suf early on the cn app, and not only can I not watch it early (not too mad about that) but my favorite character (Blue Diamond) has a freaking song!!!!

I am very tempted to listen to it, but no, I must stay stronger. Enjoy the new chapter

(Yellow's pov)

I angrily pace around my room, how could Blue not react to news like that, there is a difference from bottling up your emotions and not showing any at all.

And I should know, but I expected her to start crying or for her to show some sort of emotion. I take my helmet off and I throw it on my bed, I run my gloved hand through my coarse hair.

I let out an exhausted sigh, I walk to my bed and I fall onto my back, I begin to pluck strands of hair from my scalp.

She knows what happened with Pink, and how she turned into Steven, and he has none of her memories...I don't want to lose her too, but she's making the rest of her time hard for me to spend it with her.

Or is it me that's doing it? Maybe I should message her...Maybe I should talk to Steven about this? I don't know how much help he will be, he did say that he doesn't remember much when he was a baby.

Maybe I should see if that Garnet would be willing to talk, she was there when Pink was pregnant with Steven, but I highly doubt that she'll want to talk to me.

I should just get some work done and deal with everything later. I sluggishly sit up, I pull my hand out from my hair and I shake off a clump of freshly plucked hair.

I groan and rub my face with my hands, I should definitely do something productive now. I groan again as my big yellow doors open.

"Yellow" Stevens small voice echo in the room.

"Yes" I lay my head in my hands.

"I came to check on you. Spinel told me what happened after I left" Steven makes his way over to my bed, I offer him to jump in my hand, and I gently put him on the plush yellow bed "so what's wrong?"

I cross my arms on my chest "it's nothing, i'm fine" I grind my teeth together.

"Yellow" Steven says somewhat annoyed.

"Fine, it's just that we learned that we probably lost one of the gemlings, and Blue didn't even get upset or start crying" I mutter out, a small arc of lighting forms from my knee to my mid-thigh.

"And?" Steven presses.

"And, I'm over here about to cry over it" I curl my hand into fists, more of an angry cry then a sad one.

Steven places his tiny hand on my thigh "maybe, she's just dealing with it differently, everyone does. Take me and Amethyst for example, in stressful situations I tend to get emotional, and Amethyst tends to get aggressive and angry towards others" Steven explains "so, you're frustrated and angry while blue could try and hide it from us, but she's probably just as upset as you are"

I sigh and fall onto my back and I accidentally Steven flying into the air and back a few feet "you're probably right, maybe I should message her?"

"Maybe give her some space to" Steven walks back to where he was sitting.

I turn my head to look at him, "once again, you're probably right" I run my hand through my hair again, more lighting forms. Ugh, I still don't know why she didn't seem to care.

I start picking strands of hair from my head, and Steven seems to notice "Yellow, what are you doing?" He asks worriedly.

"What? I'm not doing anything" I say as I try to shake off a clump of hair.

"That" he points to the clump.

"Oh, it's a habit that I do when I'm...thinking" I sit back up. "Well I normally run my hand through my hair when I'm thinking, but if I'm nervous I tend to start pulling some of it"

I finally just brush the clump of hair off my hand and onto the floor. "Well you need to stop that and relax" Steven says.

"Well everything that I would want to do, you wouldn't find very relaxing" I look down at him.

"Oh, maybe we can go to your sauna" Steven says cheerfully.

"It might make me feel better" I slightly smile at him.

"Then let's go" Steven leaps off of my bed.

"Alright alright, but let's stop by Spinel's room so you can change" I push myself off the bed and exit my room with Steven.

(Blue's pov)

"Yellow, I'm very sorry that I didn't react to the very concerning news, umm, it's just that the shock of the news didn't affect me then but now I've cried for an entire cycle about it. Please, I'm just as torn up about this as you are, please let me speak to you in person" I speak into my recording device "i-i'm sorry, if you let me speak to you, I c-can fix it. I am sorry"

I hit the stop button of my recording device, I lay my head on my vanity in shame. If only I could talk to her, I could fix it.

I lift my head and I look back at the floating screen, my eyes turn to look at the send button. My finger hovers over it, but instead I close the screen.

I sigh. I wish I were back in the old days, not for the colonizing part, but for how awkwardly adorable Yellow used to be around me. Back then, my feelings for her were so simple, but now everything is so damn complicated.

Back then, if I didn't show any emotion Yellow would've been fine with it, but now I'm like a monster to her.

Stars, why can't I just be happy? Or at the very least enjoy what's happening? I place my hand on my belly, I dig my nails into my skin, carefully trying not to draw any blood.

Fuck it. I'm going to go and see her, and maybe, just maybe, tell her how I actually feel. I push back my chair and stand up, I quickly walk out of my chambers, down the hall, past White's room, and straight towards Yellow's room.

I stop right in front of her door, my hand is barely an inch away from the panel. Should I do this? Yellow said to leave her alone. What if she won't talk to me....What if she will hate me for this. What if she...okay, calm down. One of worst things she can do is tell you to go away or she will tell you that she doesn't love you anymore and that she doesn't want to see you ever again...

I quickly retract my hand away from the panel, maybe I should think about this more, no, I've done enough thinking. I slam my hand on the panel, the big golden doors open and warm air hits me.

"Yellow?" I poke my head in the room "I've come to talk to you" I walk into Yellow's room.

"I know you said to leave you alone, but I'm too anxious to really do that" the doors close behind me. I walk further into the seemingly empty room.

I sigh, I guess she left. Probably to talk to White about what a horrible gem I am, or to Spinel, o-or Steven. She's probably telling them that they should stay away from an emotionless monster.

I sit down on Yellow's golden bed, I rest my head in my hands. Stars, I drove her away, I should just go back to my chambers and-. I hear the sound of yellow's big golden doors open, and I excitedly look up to see Yellow diamond and Steven walking into the room.

"Blue?" Steven calls out surprised.

I weakly glance at Yellow, if looks could shatter, I'd be gone a long time ago.

"What are you doing here" Yellow says angrily.

"I-i came to apologize" I scramble to my feet.

"I don't want to hear it" Yellow replies coldly.

"Yellow, you should hear her out, cause the only thing you should do is tell her to leave" Steven says.

"Fine" Yellow says through gritted teeth "but make it quick"

I take an unesscary breath in "Yellow, I-I am very sorry, I didn't mean for it to turn out this way" I start breaking down "I am very upset that we've lost one of the gemlings, it's j-just that the shock of i-it didn't hit me until I caused you t-to storm out"

A few tears roll down my cheeks "we both probably know that I don't have a whole lot of time left, a-and I don't want to spend it torn apart because of something that I've done" I look at her through watery eyes.

She walks over to me, she wraps her warm arms around me as I sob into the crook of her neck.

"Shh it's okay" Yellow whispers in my ear as she strokes my hair. I watch Steven quietly leave the room, after more crying and my aura almost escaping, we end up on Yellow's bed.

"Does this mean you forgive me? I understand if you don't" I look down at my hands.

"I haven't decided that yet, but Blue" I look at Yellow with semi-watery eyes. "I want you to be completely honest with me"

Oh stars.

"Is there something else that's wrong?"

And ta-da! I'm not good at emotional scenes or apologizing scenes, but I think I did okay. Hope y'all enjoy that, I would like to say I'm taking a break this week, so now new chapter till the 4 of April.

Bye!