#but i didnt win the art festival. i didn't win the nengajō competition (either level). i didn't even get in the top three of the jotun loki | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

unityrain24 · 9 months

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why... why am i just not good enough anymore? For the past few years, none of my art has won. For the past few years, I haven't had any friends. For the past few years, no one will actually give me an actual official diagnosis on a mental/physical problems. Is every facet of me not good enough? Am i just not good enough?

#unityrain.txt #i just... i don't understand #all the art i've submitted to things that didn't win... they weren't even bad things! i was really proud of them!#but i didnt win the art festival. i didn't win the nengajō competition (either level). i didn't even get in the top three of the jotun loki #design contest、which only had like 14 submissions.#given my streak i highly doubt i'll win the sonatina composition contest i entered either #with friends、i have none.#i used to have someone i was really really close with、but they left. And even though i've tried desperatly to make other friends、#no one seems interested #i do have some friendly acquaintances #but they don't seem to want anything more than that #i don't even fit in with my own family either #i'm very very lonely #with diagnosis、#my therapist (when i had one) said i definitely had anxiety depression and ocd、but that she couldn't actually diagnose me #also the general doctor i went to seemed to accept it and even offered medication that they don't usually give ppl my age #but if you actually look in my medical record it says nothing #and then i've had awful menstrual problems、and thought i probably had endometriosis、but when i went to the gynocologist #they said it wasn't that、but they didn't really seem to want to give me an actual specific diagnosis of whatever else it was either #they just said it was bad dysmenorrhea (medical term for cramps)、gave me a medication prescription、and then didn't put any diagnosis on my #record.#i just... why #vent #tw vent #vent in tags

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