#but i was in my 1st year of uni and soon after the anime ended i got swamped with work + a few months later my first serious relationship | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

illusionsofdreaming · 7 years

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With the new Valentine banner coming out in FEH, I thought I’d share this funny (which was really sad before) experience I had on FEH. For those who aren’t interested in Illu’s FEH adventures, have a Dancer Inigo which I drew all the way back in October for Inktober 2017!

I swear I’m still writing! Hopefully you’ll see some posts coming out soon! Uni’s been eating my muse for breakfast, lunch and dinner lately. Sorry!

So it’s not big secret but I do play FEH. I've been playing pretty much since the day the game’s been released. Now FEH’s reached it’s 1st birthday and here everyone’ll be expecting me to have collected a bunch load of heroes. And if anyone remembers this very old post, I should, theoretically speaking should be able to compile a strong team that I can be proud of as a F2P player.

HAHAHA. Strap on your seatbelts kiddies, Illu’s going to tell you a story now.

Everyone here (at least everyone who plays FEH) should know about Nintendo Accounts right? The option to link your FEH progress to a Nintendo Account keeps your data safe and saves your progress online so that should you need to switch platforms/phones you still have your old team, stats, orbs, etc.

Now, when I was still new to the game I didn’t really give it much thought as I was still trying the game out. Give it a few more days, still playing FEH, but meh, didn’t get any good heroes yet, still pretty weak so I didn’t bother. Fast forward to randomly pulling a Hector and Klein and boy, NOW, I’m getting somewhere in FEH, finally. By now, I know I won’t be deleting this game soon so I really should consider signing up to a Nintendo Account but then I hear this voice ‘Meh, it’s just a F2P game, if I lost all my progress I’ll just start over - seems easy enough to get back to where I should be’ (keep in mind, back then FEH had less heroes so pulling good heroes was easier). FAST FORWARD SEVERAL MONTHS LATER. Here I am, shredding through the levels and arena with my 5* ATK+ Hector, 5*Klein, 5*+2 Nowi, 5*Adult Tiki, armed with a bunch load of other 5* heroes plus special event heroes. I’m pretty proud and satisfied with how far I’ve come as a F2P player and PSSSH NINTENDO ACCOUNT? Who even uses that? I have a new phone, it’s not going to break any time soon. Whatever.

I’m pretty sure if you’ve read this far you should be able to pretty much predict what happened right? If you guessed my laziness came back and bit my ass and left a scar, you’re right.

It was around the time Fjorm and Book 2 was about to be released, think the dancer, singer banner had just ended when it happened. My phone wouldn’t load FEH and all I got was a black screen. Restarted the app, restarted the phone, nothing worked. Now I was panicking a bit here because oh my god what’s happening? Sweating a bit too because oh no, what if- i lose all my progress. Yep. Without knowing, I spent almost a year on FEH and all the progress made in that time period I finally recognize, cannot be regained if I started over all again and neither do I want to start over especially after how far I’ve come. Long story short, I deleted the app, reinstalled in and it still didnt work. It wasn’t until the next day when I went to get my phone checked did I realise it was my phone’s new update problem and not the app. But by then it was far too late.

NEWS FLASH FOR EVERYONE WHO DIDN’T KNOW. Deleting FEH app, deletes all your FEH data from your phone, even if you’re using the same phone, deleting the app means scrapping the FEH progress you made and starting anew.

I. Lost. Everything.

DANCER INIGO WHICH I JUST PULLED -CRAIS- (IRONICALLY the art above was drawn in celebration that he came home), HECTOR, KLEIN, EASTER HEROES, ALL THE EVENT HEROES, ALL THE ORBS, FEATHERS, TOKENS- all the effort I put into training and inheriting skills. Back when SP grinding took forever (still takes forever).

I was emotionally scarred. Never thought I’d be so attached to a few animated chibis of FE characters BUT I DID AND NOW THEY’RE ALL GONE AND SOME OF THESE EVENT CHARACTERS, I MIGHT NEVER GET BACK. Starting over had never been so painful. In fact, I couldn’t touch FEH for several days. I still shudder thinking about it.

Eventually I did start again because what the hell. I’LL MAKE IT WORK A SECOND TIME. Good news was when I did start FEH round 2, Fjorm’s special heroes banner was running and I managed to get Brave Lyn, Ike and Fjorm with those early game orbs so my replay didn’t start off too badly. BAD NEWS was that they all had BAD IVS.

I still think of my lost Hector every time I open the app AND DANCER INIGO. GIVE HIM BACK TO MEEEEEEEE, LET ME DRAW HIM AGAIN PLEASE, I ONLY HAD HIM FOR TWO WEEKS? EVEN LESS? DANCER SINGER BANNER RERUNS PLEASE. HE WAS JUST REALISING HIS POTENTIAL IN MY TEAM.

IMPORTANT LESSON OF THE DAY: SAVE YOUR GODDAMN PROGRESS. DON’T BE LAZY.

Despite all the Hector focus banners I still haven’t drawn him again. I CRAI.

CROSSING MY FINGERS I’LL FINALLY DRAG HECTOR BACK HOME DURING VALENTINES BANNER AND CYL. SOB.

If y’all got something that can top this tragedy, feel free to share. We’ll sob together.

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secretsofthemasquerade · 7 years

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I’m old

And it’s not getting any better. I’m turning 30 on Feb 1st (today), and while I’m still in and hype and modern and my students think I’m one of the crew, well, I am still old.

I was there, not underage, fully aware of my consciousness, during the Haruhi craze, and I was half part of it (I still very much listen to the OSTs). I was there during the Lucky Star craze, and I was completely part of it. I was there when Lost and its wild theories were a hot topic. For me the Tolkien movies are the Lord of the Rings movies, not the Hobbit ones. Snow Patrol is still one of my fav groups out there.

Wrath of the Lich King is a “modern expansion” even if I first played it back in 2008. Hell, Diablo 3, announced that same year, during World Wide Invitational Paris (I was there!) is still a “new game” for me. I’m still stuck playing VTM bloodlines after all these years because i am

I was excited for Windows Vista. I mostly worked on win 98 and XP.

I knew LANs and modem sounds. I used Napster. 2 megapixel digital cameras were the brand new thing and a 256MO SD card was beyond believable. I took Polaroid pictures. I used disposable cameras. My PS1 were the best thing ever (yes I had two, one for America’s plugs and electric norms and one for French EU ones. And yes both were cracked AF. And for some reason I have no idea where they ended up :().

I took transatlantic planes with my roller skates in hand. Twice to four times a year. I went to a Nightwish concert when Tarja was lead (I found out just now they changed singers again lol). I rode the anime wave as it started to take over (FYI America, the rest of the world had sailor moon, saint Seiya, captain Tsubasa, Heidi, candy candy, dragon ball and Z.. in the early to mid 90s). I went to conventions right as they started in the early 2000s. I roooose the hell of the Haruhi craze. I screamed as Hellsing had a new anime “closer to the manga” done. I watched sub stuff online (part 1/3 ;)) until streaming became popular. I bought drama CDs even if I understood shit. I cosplayed from 2001 to maaaaybe 2010 if I stretch enough. I went to The Pillows concert and am now sooooo eager to watch the FLCL 2 and 3 that they’re doing music for again. Shippuden is “that new arc for Naruto” I just never got into (honestly I should give it another try but wtf i liked the whole exam-school-ambition setting and it turned into a big ass battle with bigger than the world stakes xD). I read Death note as it came out. I still listen to 1991-2008 anime openings and endings on a very regular basis. Kaori Yuki is the bomb. Clamp died at xxxholic and Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles. I enjoyed DBGT (to some extent). I LOVED serial experiments lain but understood nothing of it. The OSTs are still in here. Ambiance sounds.

I Nyan cat reference stuff. And by nyan cat I mean both the pop tart cat and the nyan nyan nihao nyan macros frontier song. Loituma’s levan polka. Mana mana song. Ozone’s songs. I knew the Shakira vs Britney Spears fandom fight. I had a geocitie website. I still do the What is love moves in the car. I rode the techno high and low (90s remixes and songs like Daddy DJ and I’m Blue... and OF COURSE daft punk).

Harry Potter was coming out as I was Harry’s age in the books (I just never got into it).

I didn’t have an Emo phase that wasn’t a thing but I was goth (ish), wore whatever colors I found, cut and dyed my hair in all sorts of shapes (including Lain’s haircut) for cosplay reasons :0. I was awarded the prize for “worst dressed at school” (note that my school was 3000+ people so), and felt very bad about it. Didn’t wear make up.

I had a MP3 CD player. I burned cds like there was no tomorrow. And before I could burn CDs I had to use a Zip disk (those are thicker floppy disquettes if you don’t know).

I had .ram files. Still do. MP3 were becoming the new standard and Winamp skins. Shit I loved Winamp skins!

Its 2018 and I am still living like a teenager in terms of whims and behavior (I still eat cereal in the morning). I’m still figuring out what I want to do with my life apart from lazying online at home with husband and cats. I don’t want to live to work, and despite having more diplomas than 95% of the population I still am unable to find a stable regular job (it will change this year hopefully!!!).

And yet at the end of last month my great grandmother turned 100, I turned 30 soon after, and while I’m the oldest among my cousins st the same genealogical level, the old gets have started having kids and having stable situations and paying taxes and other adulting stuff. I still use my student ID for discounts. I adult in terms of administrative stuff and trying to have a generally speaking mature and grounded mid.

I don’t travel much anymore. I board game and rpg at home with friends who come over during winter and summer, but overall? Just cozy home stuff.

And I couldn’t be happier with my husband and cats, with my social interactions (and lack thereof ^_^). I’m starting make up properly. Im not trying to catch up to anime and manga anymore (i just “uh?”).

I am not nostalgic but my body tells me I’m getting old. My back pains have gotten worse. My stamina and my endurance are gone. My eyesight is still worsening. I can’t walk up the stairs as well as I used to. I’d like to roller skate again but my balance just doesn’t work so well anymore. My metabolism has become slower and I just can’t get away with eating whatever.

I’ve not taken a transatlantic in over ten years.

But I’ll still wear a D.VA hoodie and cat headphones at uni when class start again this month :p

And soon enough I should be back with new articles, once I manage to get a proper computer back :)

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unravelling-the-world · 4 years

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I was trying my best, and another friend who always took pictures of us (we took pics of him as well dw) documented all of those moments, i even used a not-permanent spray color hair for that day just so the pictures could be special. I didn't particularly like myself, I never did ,but I was too busy to think about it. When i went out, i felt decent at least. Binder, thick under-eye red/black liner, just the perfect e-boy look i wanted. I felt that, as a pre-hrt person, I was looking as masc as I could while doing the style that makes me comfortable and I want to achieve. I was doing my best everytime we went out to look presentable in the pictures, and I did well 9/10 times. At some point, there was a light festival as well. I went with one friends and my cousin and we had fun. My friend and I took pictures, my cousin didn't want hers taken but we still interacted a lot and had fun, I loved the pics of that day. I never got to post them, because my downfall came soon after. At that point in time, I was finally living the dream. I posted frequently on ig (bc i went out frequently) and even though i wasn't anyone big, no partnerships or anything, not even 1k followers, I was growing, and having been intoxicated by fame at age 12, it was just what I needed. My posts started getting 70 likes on average and 7-10 comments, i only had 500 followers but they were growing at an average of 20 followers/month. A lil tween reached out to me and told me he thought I was really cool and was my fan. Bro, that was awesome. Things were moving forward, and altough i felt afraid of the future, I was working on it all. I was making progress in other aspects as well,having come out formally recently and with help from my psychologist, we were going to start looking into hrt, and i just couldn't believe it. I only have read fast and short info. I never really wanted to inform myself more because deep within me I was just afraid I'd never be able to get it and get my hopes up for nothing. We appointed a session to talk about that. This was march, and at my house, we watched a Japanese channel (because we are all interested in Japanese culture and such) So I knew the coronavirus was coming. They started talking about it since the start, in december, obviously, because they are way closer to where the virus started so it spread faster there. I remember it was on a cruise first. I knew it would eventually arrive here, so through all summer i told my mother "it's only a matter of time." I knew it'd come. March was here, and the last time i went out with my friends came along. Inside my head, I felt like I knew that was the last time. I had thoughts about "I wonder if i'll ever get to see a sight like this again". I managed to take some pictures, because,inside me, I knew that was the last time. I wanted to preserve the memory of it. I didn't want to forget. At the time, with a friend, who took the same metro line as me but lives further away, since it was just us two, when saying goodbye we'd always say "see you in five minutes" (like in endgame, because i told her the whole movie and told her when they said that and then black widow died) and she LAUGHED so hard and it became an ongoing joke between us (we are both kinda suicidal ngl but we just laugh abt it.) We said it that day as well, but we actually never saw each other again lmao

At that point, in the country, there were about 4 covid cases. Only 1 in the capital, so it had started, but was only just the start. When I got home, i kind of knew that was the last. My classes started, and for two weeks, it was hell on earth. Online,obviously. I got paired up with the guy I hated the most in the entire generation (I only knew half of them, and liked even fewer, but this guy. fuck. i would have killed him. he was awful.) Anyways. Yeah. But at the end, classes got postponed until further notice. So I was now a Neet! For a while, even though coronavirus was getting worse and worse here as everywhere, I was doing good. I was living the introvert dream, and since I have a decent/good relationship with my parents and grandma, life was just great. All around me I saw everyone struggle with quarantine. I was having a blast. Playing sims, watching anime, anything went. Shit was great. Got Gta V for free when epic released it, and had a blast. Got obsessed with obey me for a while. It was all fun.... Met via discord with my friends. Almost daily with certain friends, once in a while with others, but the whole group would be together at least once. It was good, for me. I felt good. I would ocassionally wake up and tell my mother that I was happy, and hug her. I don't think i'd ever done that. I was at peak, and I knew it. Drew a lot, played a lot. Did a lot of things and projects. Everything felt ok...My dysphoria wasn't great during these times (since now i stay in pajamas all day except when I use camara to meet with friends, and obviously I dont wear my binder with my pajamas) But i had so much free time, that I could just ignore it. (I'm good at avoiding things. at running away.)

Classes started June 1st. First day, I had a breakdown. I don't remember why, but I couldn't connect to class. I felt overwhelmed. I don't know and don't like asking for help because i feel useless when I do. So I didn't. Apparently I seemed more upset than I thought, because my dad noticed. When comforted or confronted, I always cry. I can't talk about my feelings without crying. I feel weak for expressing them. Even writing this, i feel the knot in my neck. My dad saw and ended up helping and comforting. I cried a lot. I went to class, but spent the whole 3 hours of class crying. Things were unstable for a while, but I was keeping afloat, I guess. I started feeling like shit, I wasn't happy daily anymore. Online learning felt so distant and so difficult and so different. I don't like change. At least not without expecting it beforehand. So yeah, that ended up taking a toll on my mental health. The downfall started. I was quite busy, but still tried to meet with friends via discord whenever we could. We had some online birthdays, and season 3 of osomatsu san had already been announced. I was looking forward to it so much. I was in pain, but that thought was keeping me going. I started getting worse, mentally. I started isolating myself ocasionally. I have quite long gaps from this period. I can't really recall much of what happened or what it was like. At some point around August-September I was watching 6teen, because my uni decided that starting a semester and compressing it into a trimester was a good idea, and finals were in september, i think. At the time of finals, i was watching 6teen. I didn't wanna finish it, so I started total drama after. I had a week of vacation in September as well, and I think I was OK for the week.

I won't lie. I don't remember october. I only know Osomatsu-san started here bc I waited for it all year long. I regained closer contact with a friend who lives in japan. Halloween also had an online meeting. I cosplayed, and felt good with myself for the night, for the first time in months. But I ended up having a breakdown later that night. A friend who didn't come and had said he'd come ended up arriving very late (2-3AM ish, meeting was at 10PM) He was very drunk. I don't mind. He says he just came to say sorry he didn't come bc he ended up meeting with irls. We tell him it's ok. He disconnects. He reconnects not long after, but we are confused, since that's not his voice. It was his friend who took his phone, a classic party prank. Doesn't matter, it was fun for a bit. This guy is also mad drunk, so talking to him is weird and funny. But shit gets bad for me in a bit. I was using a voice changer, as I usually do online, because Im ashamed of my high pitched voice. But this guy misgenders me, more than once, and also my friend who lives in japan. He doesn't seem to care, and I act like I don't, but it hurts so bad. My other friend who was there at that time corrects him, more than once. I felt thankful to her. I never thanked her afterwards because I didn't know how to bring out that topic without crying. This guy is very drunk though, and altough i doubt he had vile intentions because of the way he phrased it, he insists, that those are womans voices. They talk about it a bit, verbal comebacks. I wanted them to stop. At some point, my friend who lives in Japan leaves bc its lunch time for him. I felt like shit. I just told this other guy "I'm 10" and he dropped the subject, he believed me and the explanation. My friend laughed her ass out, because she thought I said it as a joke. Truth is, that was just a desperate answer to get him to drop the topic. I dont really care if he believed I was 10 or not though. I just wanted it to stop. He jokes with my friend for a bit more. I didn't talk much after, because I felt ashamed. I didn't want to talk ever again. Even now, even with the voice changer, I don't have the confidence I had when I started using it. I have lowered the pitch twice, just in case. My friend left the call a bit later. When she left, I left as well. I was thankful to her though. I don't remember if i cried or not, but it caused me a massive breakdown for about two weeks. I didn't talk online with anyone until my birthday, I think. I didn't tell anyone but my psychologist this.

I don't remember November much either. I know it's my birthday, and I know I came back to tumblr in november. Yall know when. Canon destiel and shit. Tumblr hadn't felt so alive in years. It felt like home. I remember I was having a bad breakdown during that time. I think it was career related. I can't really remember much. The shitshow happening on tumblr Destiel Election actually helped me get better. I remember this only because of a conversation I had with a friend. I started working on christmas decorations as well. December came along, I worked hard on christmas decorations. I played a bit as well, because on some of my classes I just didn't have anything to do lol. Decorations were finished two weeks in advance for christmas. For the first time ever! I was happy. During these times,Nov-Dec lockdowns started easing up a bit. I still can't go out at all though, because I live with my grandmother, so we're supposed to minimize risks. My parents only go out for shopping essentials that can't be bought online. So it's fair and I understand it, but it started becoming hard on mental health. Not because I can't go out, but because my friends start going out. They know I can't go, they don't exclude me, but they know I can't and I also know I can't. I guess in a form, its jealousy. It becomes hard because there's no one to blame. It's no one's fault. I'm not excluded on purpose, but the truth is, I don't want to hear them talk about what they do when they have fun. I've always been insecure. Even when all evidence points otherwise, I still believe, deep inside,they hate me. They wish I weren't in the group and would be better off without me. It gets hard sometimes.

Even though in general December was quite good, it also came with a major breakdown. One of my best friend's bday is in December. Up until then, Me, her, and another friend had been playing league of legends nearly daily. It was toxic sometimes (the game/community, not my friends) but we had fun. I just liked playing together. But that would come to an end as well. My friend celebrated her birthday, and did invite me, but obviously I couldn't go,and she knew this beforehand, so she didn't get mad or anything. She handled the situation very well, wrote on the gc once, and then did a special gc for birthday attendants to talk about details there and such, and reminded friends who asked in the gc to talk in the birthday gc. (this is how i knew, but i think it was well done tbh, i wish they'd just asked in the bday gc instead so i wouldn't have seen it and felt bad about how i couldn't go) My friend also offered to have me as an online guest, like, being in videocall in the computer on the table. like Karen from spongebob ig. the idea was cool, but honestly i felt bad. She celebrates her bday with her gf bc their dates are near, and I just didn't really want to inconvenience them? I mean, her gf is cool and she used to hang out with our group ocassionaly and she was cool and fit in, and it never felt awkward talking to her irl or anything but it's not like she's my friend and honestly I didn't wanna inconvenience her party, and even though I'm sure my friend wouldn't have minded, I didn't want to be an extra inconvenience for her too. I just wanted her to have fun, honestly. But feeling like a burden ended up weighing on my mind. This caused a bad bad breakdown, beforehand I had started to become better,little by little, but these two weeks waiting for that event to happen felt like a nightmare to me. I didn't tell anyone. I think i wrote it about here once. Around this time, an account on instagram called "matsunoadvice" got reccomended to me, and Oh boy Have I gone to them for advice. Of course, I sent them a message at the time, desperate for someone to talk to, because I couldn't tell anyone about this, because all my other friends know each other kinda and i didn't wanna inconvenience everyone. I didn't want anyone to know i felt like shit. I felt thankful to my friend, because she did try her best to include me, I just didn't really wanna inconvenience anyone. I guess I'd rather suffer alone myself than being a pain in the ass for someone else. After all, I've accepted that I'm alone long ago, and since now there's nothing I can do to maintain my social relationships now,I may as well just accept that theyre ending now. I kind of isolated myself for those two weeks, sometimes i would still connect on discord, but it always felt kind of distant. I stopped playing league of legends around this time.

I still hadn't confirmed to my friend if i was virtually going or not. Truth is, i kind of knew I probably wouldn't want to go in the end, bc im Like That™ But i told her in advance that i'd let her know the date of the event early in the day because of how unstable I am and I wouldn't actually be sure until the day (which was true when I told her) So the day of the event i told her that I was thankful but I wouldn't be assisting virtually and told her to have a great day! She replied okay in a nice way as she always did. I don't think she seemed weirded out by my answer. I hope she didn't feel bad, because she's very empathetic so I hope she didn't think about me at all that day. I hope she never reads this, and even if she does, she didn't really do anything wrong and handed the situation the best she could, the pain was unevitable for me due to the situation. beforehand i had also had a similar breakdown though, because 3 friends who i was/am? still very close to started meeting each other to skate together. I don't know how to skate/have never skated and obviously can't go either way, and sometimes they'd talk about it in the vc. I remained calm always until the call ended,but I did cry about it late at night. It's selfish, of course, but when no one saw anyone, it was easier. we were all the same. But now it felt like they were all moving on without me. In a way, it's what I always wanted, but I always wished to die first. I know it's not sane, but i'd imagined situations like that in my head, where I die and then everyone moved on and it made me feel calmer. But seeing that unfold before my eyes, when i'm still breathing here, i'm still here. It felt lonely. I'm glad they're having fun. I'm just upset I can't do it as well? And it makes me feel like inevitably my relationships with them will break and fall apart and dissapear and they're all still gonna be a interwined network, even though I did everything I could to maintain it because it's all I've ever had outside of my direct family? I didn't make any friends at uni or have a different group of friends so it just...hurt? It still hurts, i'm just more used to it. Also after the bday i did try to connect in vc but it just made me worse, like a friend said like "noo it got too wild honestly u didnt miss anything" and i was like lmao ok but i felt like kinda sad anyways but if i was there i wouldve probably slept through it anyways

...after i felt awful bc i have another friend who is just kinda blunt and kinda dumb when it comes to how others feel, and he was like ohh yeah but after the bday [friend] took us and some of [friends gf's friends] to our houses and since it was early we went to a mcdonalds and it was so fun !! and it was just so uncomfortable bc obviously im glad you have fun but like i dont wanna know??? bc it hurts a fuckin lot???? and my other friend who was also in vc (he was the one w the car) he was like "haha yeaaa it was fun" but he seemed quite uncomfortable talking abt it he could probably tell i didnt wanna hear and ik my other friend only did it bc he's naive not bc he had bad intentions but yeah it sucked i was like haha thats great heh.....like what ya want me to say babe

Christmas arrived and it ended up helping me a lot. Christmas is my favorite holiday and I decorated a month in advance, baked cookies for the first time (with my mom) and we just did a lot of things this year. It made me happy and kept me occupied through the pain (I know i described a lot of pain here but I only paid attention to it at night, which is why it still hurts now probably bc i've had it all repressed) And of course the gifts, honestly I didn't know what to expect because this year I didn't really know what to ask for and just asked for a surprise (because i love receiving things! anything) And my dad definetely outdid himself with all the gifts, I loved them and they're all useful too! I was amazed and i told my friends abt it and it ended up in me talking more in the vc again, and i also started playing genshin impact in late december as well. We also held a secrer santa in the group but not everyone participated (mostly bc of money) but the 4 of us that did was fun! i knew everyone's secret santa bc 2/4 asked to me for help and they were mutual </3 so i knew me and my other friend were mutual too lol but it was cool. I kinda was a bitch a bit though bc he delievered my gift to my home and was going to come a random day and I just wasn't prepared bc I was afraid of seeing him honestly I didn't want to see him and I hoped he wouldn't come? He didn't come that day but he did come some days after, I truly wasn't ready at that point anyway and my mom said we could let him inside if he sanitized, but he came with his mother and didn't get out of the car, we just exchanged the gifts, and honestly I was glad, i was polite and just said hi to both and thanks and all! Obviously i love him a lot bc we're close but idk why i didnt want him to come into my house i just feel like im so boring now and I dont know what we couldve talked abt and honestly ive always been shy but now i just forgot how to socialize and i was terrified so when he didnt get out i was just glad.....well, also

I feel like all of these incidents separated me and my friend who had her birthday on december. Now she wouldn't join the vc or gc often (or say she couldn't, which she usually did before) so I just assumed she hated me, but i didn't really have the guts to ask? She still liked my memes on the gc sometimes but not as she used to, she always used to like every single meme (or nearly all) and she never talked over me (I always get talked over except when I'm drunk bc i become a bit less shy therefore more violent) and would even call others out for me when talked over and always respected everything i told her abt me (Through the years, i've told her some of my deepest shits bc i just trust her like that i dont mind if she knows) but it just felt distant? Also a bit before that, at the start of december we started streaming on twitch, and that week i was very bad I told her i wouldn't play much bc i wasnt doing well but I was up for streaming bc i rly wanted to be professional abt it even if we dont pursue it as a career, but in the end we didnt stream, and fell out of streaming a bit after that. I was kind of afraid to ask her if she wanted to stream again, but we'd talked once and she said she'd finally gotten the cat earphones for the streams (she mentioned she wanted them beforehand) yeah anyways i dont think she actually hates hates me but idk the idea still lingers in my mind

uh yeah also i felt like shit for a bit bc i thought she definetely hated me bc we hadnt talked in a bit and she didnt like my memes anymore so i just assumed the worst, i even listened to break up music (which is what i do when a friendship ends bc altough ive never rly had strong romantic feelings for anyone that kind of song helps me move on after friend breakups too bc no one warns you abt how painful these are) and i cried obviously, but again i never mentioned it to anyone (i made a few vague textposts here though) and just got my shit together even if it hurt? lol, well a bit of time passes and everything seems to go back to normal, i dont remember how she told us but she said she had a job now which is why she didnt connect much and slept earlier and i felt relief lol bc i legit thought she hated me and i felt like shit abt it lol i mean the idea they kinda hate me lingers in my mind all the time but at that point in life i was like. SURE she hated me until that point. now we ocasionally play genshin together but i cant really talk at that time and that also makes me upset bc i do wake up late and im trying to fix my schedule a bit by waking up at 2pm instead of 5 pm but it doesnt even matter bc i play board games with my grandma daily (bc its good for her and its fun i do enjoy it) i just wish we could do it earlier bc lately she gets up at like 9pm and i end up finishing playing at 11/12/1 and its just kinda late to meet w my friends bc i always have smth to do/finish after and i just cant make it in time even if i wake up earlier? lol but i cant change her schedule so theres nothing i can do but cry about it

oh also ik matsunoadvice gave me advice on this but like there's this friend who i love obviously but sometimes he just talks abt his meetings w other friends and like it only makes me angry as fuck and i cant ask him to not bc im too shy but i wish he could stop. and also when he complains abt skate related stuff it makes me unexplainably angry but like i have no reason or right to im just angry bc i cant do that and probably never will bc i doubt ill ever be able to go out again ?? lol. and he even offered like "when we go out again u should come and ill lend u my skate and if u like it u can get one" and honestly its all super nice and i appreciate it and ive thanked him and told him yes but it just makes me feel angry inside bc i dont see an ending with all the mutations and shit and my voice cracks when i tell him haha yeah if we ever meet again bc honestly my youth is already over and i just spent it like a social recluse and i read a post here when i was younger that said like lgbt people spend their teens closeted and ashamed and live their teens in their twenties but now im gonna miss my twenties to the pandemic and then ill be too fucking old and itll be too fucking late and ill have to die and i just never lived bc i still havent even transitioned yet and i doubt ill ever be able to (this also causes me a lot of pain but i will ignore it) and the other day he said like i hope i can see u this year bc i miss u and i just said that honestly ive lost all hope of ever seeing anyone again and my voice cracked and my other friend said something related but not so related and im just glad he talked in bc i didnt rly care i just wanted to change the topic bc i know ill never see them again and eventually probably lose contact and see them all have fun together without me just as if i was dead but just didnt pass away and its difficult but i have to accept it and it hurts a lot now but in 7 years itll be fine, just like i accepted im unlovable and will never have a s/o and when i was 12 that hurt a lot but now it doesnt so someday i will be alone but i hope it doesnt hurt anymore.

this is all a mess and the format is everywhere and theres no timeline i hope no one reads it. if u do read it im sorry. i just honestly been carrying all of this for a while now and i want it out of my system honestly bc i dont know what to do with it and i was on the verge of a breakdown for a minimal thing hours ago i just want all this info out of my brain.....also obv these are only the bad things that have happened/good things that took me out of the hole but a lot of good things happened too lol and i skipped a lot of imp points like i changed careers and shit and also i met a lot of cool mutuals since i got back to tumblr and ososan been carrying my mental health every monday but yeah i just wanted the negatives out of the system. the frustrations and the anger. i hope no one reads this fr its so messy

#hinatalks #long post

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wanna-17 · 7 years

Text

kang daniel first meeting! AU

summary: in which kang daniel happens to be your boss’ son

length: 1.4k

a/n: omg i keep bringing in parents into my scenarios but nevertheless i hope you guys enjoy this one. i personally enjoy writing it bc daniels my bias (if that wasn’t obvious enough already lmao) but i can see this happening like hes so shy and cute and awkward and beautiful and precious and his relationship with his mum seems really cute~ as per usual pls let me know how you found this and the series! and let me know which member you want next ;)

during the semester you worked at a pet shop

you adored animals and you enjoyed looking after them during the semester

it was a great way to distract yourself from uni worries like exams and friendships and internships

you only worked once a week but you were super familiar with the shop and the owner aka mrs kang loved you and said that you were her favourite employee

you loved both cats and dogs and it was impossible to choose which one you liked more because it was equal

mrs kang had two cats - rooney and peter

when you first met rooney and peter you couldn’t help but fall in love with them

mrs kang had explained that her son had got them from the animal shelter and named them rooney and peter without realising that they were actually females

but it was already too late to changes names bc the cats were already used to their given names

you’d already worked for mrs kang for half a year and she was a nice lady but you had been quite curious about her life

she had a son but why was he never around?

mrs kang was a woman who kept to herself so you didn’t want to pry into her life

she was super sweet to you, paid you well and sometimes baked you cookies so that was enough

meanwhile, daniel was actually on produce 101 s2 and thats why mrs kang’s son was hardly around

you had no idea of course

you didn’t even watch the show as you were so busy

occasionally your friends would talk about it so you were vaguely familiar with it

“park jihoon’s wink is such a killer!!!!!!”

“kang daniel is like a puppy”

“jonghyun is the nation’s leader” he is fight me if u disagree lmao

so you knew some faces here and there and had seen some clips that your friends had made you watch but that was it

one day, mrs kang asked if you could watch over the pet shop for a weekend

she said that she had personal matters to attend to in seoul and that she needed to pick up his son along the way

you usually worked on saturdays so it wasn’t a big problem for you to work on sundays as you exams week had ended and mrs kang also promised to double your pay

time skip to the weekend mrs kang is gone which also happens to be the week of p101 s2 finale

you just didn’t get the link here lmao

that saturday you closed down the shop yourself and went home to eat ramen for dinner

you settled down on your sofa comfortably and realised that the finale for p101 s2 was airing live

your friends were also sending live updates about the show on the group chat you guys used

you decided to tune in and watch the finale as well

and you couldn’t help but be in awe of how talented all the trainees were and you honestly thought they all deserved to debut

you even unknowingly shed some tears during some parts

you watched as boa slowly revealed who the top 11 were and you were pretty happy with the results even though you didn’t know any of the trainees too well

you thought it was cool how kang daniel had gotten no 1 and he was one of your friends favourites

your friends were pretty salty about samuel and jonghyun and youngmin SAME not making it but you couldn’t feel them too much bc you hadn’t watched the show LOL

so next day you open up the shop and set everything up and feed the pets lmao i have no idea how a pet shop works so forgive me

at around noon you are sitting at the counter when the bell rings and the door opens signalling a customer

“welcome”

it was mrs kang and a tall built male followed behind him

“y/n! thank you for helping me over the weekend!” beamed mrs kang happily

“no worries mrs kang!” you replied

“also this is my son! does he look familiar to you?” asked mrs kang in a proud voice

mrs kang stood aside and pushed her son forward

the guy rubbed his neck nervously as he chuckled, “mum don’t be like that!” he said cutely

you smiled awkwardly as you squinted at him

why did he look so familiar? maybe he was someone you had walked past on the street? someone from uni?

the ash blonde hair, the cute eyesmile, black stussy sweater and the broad shoulders why did he look so familiar?

“mum she probably doesn’t know me, it’s okay mum!” said the guy to mrs kang

you looked at him and you tried to recall why the face was familiar

THEN IT SUDDENLY HIT YOU

“wait! aren’t you the guy who won on the really popular show?” you blurted out

“ummm”

“YES y/n! that’s my son, he came 1st place on produce 101 and is going to debut very soon!!!!” squealed mrs kang proudly hitting daniel on the back

“muuuuuum” whined daniel cutely

you couldn’t help but swoon over how cute he was and how cute his relationship with his mum was

“omg kang daniel right!?” you asked as you finally remembered his name

he nodded shyly, “yes i’m kang daniel, nice to meet you y/n, my mum has told me a bit about you!”

he extended his hand for a handshake and you gladly accepted it

“wow i’m shaking hands with a celebrity” you joked

and he laughed

and his laughter was like rainbows?? flowers?? you didn’t know but you felt electricity run up your arm when you made contact with his big soft hands I CRY I HELD THEM TWO WEEKS AGO

“mrs kang why didn’t you tell me your son was on the show? i would have voted for him every day if i knew!” you said

“it was so hard to keep it from you y/n! i really wanted to ask you about it since you’re young so i thought you’d be watching the show too but i had to keep it a secret” replied mrs kang

“oh i see, i did vote for daniel a few times as i have friends that are big fans of him...they’re going to be so jealous if they find out my boss’s son is kang daniel!” you joked

daniel and mrs kang laughed along with you

“well kids i’m going to buy some lunch for us, you guys get to know each other and chat amongst yourselves” said mrs kang and she left leaving only the two of you in the shop

it suddenly got awkward without mrs kang and daniel got quiet even though he had a bright smile on his face

so you broke the silence

“so how do you feel about debuting soon?”

“honestly it feels surreal, almost like a dream, i’m just so thankful to everyone that’s supported me even though i messed up so much”

and from there daniel talked a lot about how he felt, his experiences filming the show and how sometimes it got tough

he asked you about your life and you told him about uni, your friends and the stresses of finding a stable job after you graduated

you guys clicked so well and talked about everything and anything

time went by so fast and mrs kang came back with takeaway boxes for lunch

after lunch, daniel and mrs kang left to go home so he could rest and catch up with his mum which you understood completely as he had barely been able to see him mum for the past 4 months

when he left it was just a simple goodbye

a part of you for some reason felt sad as you wondered if you’d ever meet again

time skip to a week later!

you walk into the pet shop and mrs kang is already at the counter

“good morning y/n! this is for you” said mrs kang while handing you a slip of paper

you looked at it and it seemed to be a mobile number

“whose number is this?” you asked mrs kang curiously

“that’s daniel’s, he was too shy to ask you for your number so he made me give this to you. he’s busy but he’d definitely be motivated if you texted him,” said mrs kang cheekily

you nodded and smiled to yourself as you safely placed the slip of paper into your jacket pocket

other members: daehwi (x), sungwoon (x), woojin (x), guanlin (x), jisung (x), jinyoung (x)

masterlist: (x)

reminder that mtl requests are open!

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amaris-noir · 7 years

Note

answer all of the numbers, pls?

Thank you for asking! I’ve tried to answer all questions I could answer to~

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?

I don’t know how to answer that. There kinda is someone but isn’t..

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

Yes. At least I’d do my best to try to.

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

Cuteness, kittens, nekomimi in anime? D:

4: What’s something you really want right now?

Pass all the exams this month, find a job I’d be comfortable with, be somewhere else.

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?

I think next time I’d be but I can’t tell if there would be next time.

6: Do you like the beach?

If it’s not very hot or crowded and I can find a place where I can escape Sun then yeah~ I like sand, breeze and sea

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

I don’t think so? On a bed yes (I slept with mom, one or two friends) but couch no

8: What’s the background on your cell?

Black and white image of Japanese city neons

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?

What XDD My mom’s bed, a hospital bed and that’s basically it.

10: Do you like your phone?

Pretty much yes. Just hope it won’t start slowing down more.

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

I plan very little.. I’ve planned more travelling this year and this hasn’t worked out yet and it won’t because I don’t even have money anymore

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

Dentist?

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?

Definitely a Rottweiler if I could choose.

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

It depends on the kind of physical pain because there are ones that I can take and ones that make me wanna die. But I guess emotional pain is worse? It’s always shitty and makes me cry and wanna die or stop feeling.

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

Ah! I visited both when I was in Germany last time but idk what was better. Zoo is definitely more attractive and more fun and alive.

16: Are you tired?

Physically so so, emotionally rather yes..

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?

I assume my 1st phone contact was my mom/home number so I’ve always known them.

18: Are they a relative?

Yeah - mom

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

Maybe if I still loved someone and the reason of breakup wasn’t because the relationship was toxic or really bad. But I don’t have any exes so I can’t consider it.

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

What

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

I can’t afford wedding hahaha But if I had the right person I’d definitely want to marry them, not necessairy on the spot. Also it wouldn’t be up to me only :3

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Those kissing questions.. *rolls eyes*

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

None. I’m not a bracelet person.. Maybe I’d be but I can’t even put them on by myself D:

24: Is there a certain quote you live by?

I’m sure there are many that have influenced me but I don’t intentionally live by any particular one.

25: What’s on your mind?

Everything.. feelings, uni, exams, more feelings, summer plans?, life.

26: Do you have any tattoos?

Nope

27: What is your favorite color?

Black haha I like others as well but not as much as black.

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

That’s not something you can plan if you’re single and not a person who’d drunkenly kiss strangers in the bar. So idk. Will I ever even do that?

29: Who are you texting?

Lately only two or three people at most

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch? PLS NO

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

Not sure.. I feel very confused about my negative feelings

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

@slaugrath I definitely bother him with things and he doesn’t seem to mind

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

At the moment, I don’t know but rather not

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

Yes ♥ many of my friends and my family (it seems one thing about me is complimentable! I’m glad there’s at least one thing)

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

eeh..? I don’t kiss anyone, pls stop.

36: Were you single on Valentines Day?

Yes ( . .)

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?

38: What do your friends call you?

Karolina, Mariko

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?

Mom, ME, my friend

40: Have you ever cried over a text?

Yes

41: Where’s your last bruise located?

On the right arm

42: What is it from?

I don’t know XD

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

I wanna be away from my brother and this house.. very often

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

Mom…

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

Yeah!

46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

I’d have to wear hats everyday XD

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?

No D: I don’t follow trends that much. Who would like to look like the half of the city?

48: Do you make supper for your family?

No? We make breakfasts and suppers individually.

49: Does your bedroom have a door?

Yes?

50: Top 3 web-pages?

idk.. youtube? tumblr? Such websites! :3

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?

Yeah

52: Does anything on your body hurt?

Yeah, my kokoro ( . .)

53: Are goodbyes hard for you?

Depends on what kind of goodbyes and with whom. I’ve never had any hard goodbyes.

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

Probably tea.

55: How is your hair?

It’s wet .. I washed it a while ago.

56: What do you usually do first in the morning?

Check my phone.. Go to the kitchen to make myself tea.. Go to the bathroom to clean my face.

57: Do you think two people can last forever?

I think they can

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?

Surely

59: Green or purple grapes?

Green ones~

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?

I don’t know but I know whom I wanna hug

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

Yeah.

62: When will be the next time you text someone?

Today, soon? I gotta finish this and study and then text. Maybe in the evening after German course

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?

Language school

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning.

Sleeping.. I kept waking up but I was sleeping in general.

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

Yeah… The same person as now

66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

No.. Sounds sad haha

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

Nope and I won’t

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

I had lots of thoughts and can’t single out the last one.. I don’t remember when I fell asleep.

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

Kinda..

70: How many windows are open on your computer?

Three.

71: How many fingers do you have?

… 10 fingers, 10 toes, luckily.

72: What is your ringtone?

I don’t remember.. my phone’s on vibration mode all the time.

73: How old will you be in 5 months?

23 *sobs*

74: Where is your Mum right now?

In her room.. not working today because she’s ill.

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

Someone has to like you back first.. and want to be with you D:

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

No..

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

I’m still friends with most of them

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

A classmate?

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?

Nope.

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

No.. *forever alone*

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?

Jesus, how many people should I have liked? :o Just one XD’

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

Family I live with ._.

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

I want to but I don’t know if we’ll talk..

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

I don’t understand this question. You mean whether I’m with hot guys or hot girls? I’d say guys but my opinion about what is hot in guys is not so obvious or typical haha

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?

No, I’d just watch them destroy themselves.. D: Is such a question even necessary? Who wouldn’t care?

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

Hm.. literally nothing happened. Unless people who come way too late count XD

87: Who was your last received call from?

Mom

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

what the fuck D: I don’t think I would ._.

89: What is something you wish you had more of?

Affection, love, true friends, friends I’d feel comfortable with and could hand out with, money, knowledge, hair, femininity?

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?

Probably.. I think I trust people.

91: Do you sleep with your window open?

Rarely.. I can’t fall asleep because of noise. But I wake up at night or in the morning and I open it then :3 I don’t usually have problems with falling asleep once I wake up.

92: Do you get along with girls?

I guess?

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

From my grandma who asks if I like someone but I don’t think she needs to know the truth

94: Does sex mean love?

Obviously not.. Not necessarily.

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

I don’t wanna be in a room alone lmao

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

No. idk how kissing with or without one feels anyway

97: Did you sleep alone this week?

Yeah

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

To some extent. It’d be much easier if I didn’t think and feel so much

99: Do you believe in love at first sight?

Uh.. I think it’s a coincidence but it’s possible that you can start liking someone and can’t explain why and it develops and nothing about that person makes you stop liking them so the feelings of a kind of infatuation you’ve had get more real.

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise?

I don’t do pinky promises I guess?

#who's gonna bother reading that all omg #but thanks for asking! :3 #Anonymous

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mdwfmp · 7 years

Text

EVALUATION!!!!

OMG LAST PROJECT EVER IN MY THIRD YEAR OF UNI!

I have been really dreading this moment as its my last ever project I will be handing in. I wanted this project to be something I was really proud of, and that I remember as one of my best pieces of work. I wouldn’t say that I was ‘proud’ of the final outcome, but I am definitely proud of some of the effort I put into it considering i didnt like a lot of what I was producing and some of my instant instincts was to change it completely, but i pursued and produced an outcome i am happy with.

From the beginning: Filming. The filming as stated in my blog didnt go to plan first time, I had to reshoot most of it with added lighting and different angle. But after the reshoot, the shots were good and i was happy to work with them as i knew i could colour grade further to make it look better. Greenscreen. This didn’t go OK. Every time i incorporate greenscreen into a project it always goes tits up. I did tests and everything which was i created a perfect key from, but as soon as i film the actual thing it didn’t go so well. I had to shoot this twice as the first time it was so over exposed that when I applied ‘Log2Lin’, it turned white and all green had disappeared making it impossible to key, as well as it being noisy. The 2nd time I shot, I got Jack to do it for me. This time was better, but still some areas were very over exposed and was very hard to key due to there being lack of green. It was too late to reshoot however so i had to settle with this version. In the end the key was OK. There was a lot of grain due to a lot of light being taken out from her as her bottom half especially had a lot of bright light which was taken out along with the green. After a lot of effort and versions, i managed to get a good enough key, baring in mind i had to go back and adjust the colour grade in After Effects.

Motion Graphics. This was something I was surprised I decided to create. I have done minimal motion graphics with in my three uni years, so I don’t know why I decided to do it now for my FMP!! With practice and tests, these went OK. I think I created some good graphs and holograms, however nothing like anything off Guardians of the Galaxy or Interstellar. I am pleased with some of the outcomes, but a lot of shots i just didn’t really know what to include, and I didn’t want to do a lot of copying from previous shots because then there wouldn't be much variety of skills included with in my motion graphics work. I also hadn’t used after effects heavily for motion graphics since 1st year probably so it was nice to get back into it. After Effects if definitely my most comfortable software along with Photoshop.

MattePanting. This was the ‘hero’ shot of the sequence which I wanted. I like doing matte paintings and applying my ideas and inspiration to create something new. I had previously created some matte painting, but i had yet to create one like this’ sci fi, daytime, city. I was quite excited to get into this shot. At first, there was slow progress and i started to doubt that it would look that good. But after a lot of adjustments, i managed to make something which i am rather pleased with. I know if not ‘film’ standards, but for me its al experience and practice with getting the correct perspectives, style, and composition. This is probably up there with one of my best matte paintings. I like the style, and luckily for me ‘Ghost in a Shell’ came out mid production, and that gave me a lot of influence and inspiration! it was exactly what i had in mind. One of the things which let the final matte painting shot down was when i added Hatty. The key isn’t great so i think that i makes the whole shot look a lot less effective and realistic than it could have. If i were to add a perfectly good key in, then this would be a really effective shot I think.

Colour Grading. After looking at a the same shots for a long time, you forget to notice how bad the lighting is and how much it needs to be adjusted. As shown in my before and after shots of colour grading, it has made a vast different to a lot of the shots, which made the overall shots look a lot better. I don’t think I have had to colour grade anything so much in all my project, so i’m glad i got that experience, and it think it went ok. I know that some of the shots have hard light on them which was hard to remove within the colour grade so some of the shots are still a little bright and contrasty.

Audio. i was pleased with the audio actually because its something i haven’t really experimented much with throughout uni. The News Report recording i think was a really good idea as its that extra narrative which makes it a little more clear to the audience. In Premier Pro i adjusted the audio, (as seen in my blog), to make the effect seem distant, and from a speaker. Any music expert would do this a lot better, but I think for my FMP it is effective enough, and it works. CONCLUSION. It makes me a little sad that I feel like i haven’t put 110% into al my project. But I think that the reason if that Im not great at all area of visual effects, and i definitely have my strengths and weaknesses. In majority of my projects including this one, I have tried to do everything myself, when in hindsight if i collaborated with people which had strengths which i lacked on, i could produce a way better outcome than what i do. I really wish I collaborated more with my class mates and animation because then i think i would be truly proud with the outcomes. Due to this, with in my FMP my strengths and weaknesses in shots do show, and it isn’t perfect. But i hope that my strengths do show out, and that I don’t get beaten down for the weakness with in it.

Throughout my three years, I have progressed a lot, mostly during 2nd year, but considering when i first started I had never even touched After Effects, my skills have progressed a lot and i am proud of my current knowledge, and hope that i just get better and better with what i do with experience!

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