#but i'm literally so thankful for this bit rn like i need closure from the angst

[kafkaeszque]

the funniest thing that could possibly come out of this situation is that the kelp cocaine Does end up fixing mike & literally all he needed was a good high

[vacantgodling]

tit for tat: the character from witch noir i'm most obsessed with right now is angel. he just sucks so bad, but at the last minute he decides to try really hard!! for love!!! he's a cancer sun pisces moon pisces rising he's so sad and pathetic and full of love. he cries big ghibli tears and changes reality through sheer force of he believes in it so hard. he can't drive and his best friend is a cat. and he looks like oscar isaac.

now you 🔁

thank you for doing this i’m also now???? obsessed with him. cancer x pisces baby he’s so TINY idk i’m holding him i am kissing on the head i am giving him hot chocolate 😭 i’d love to know more about him?? how does he suck? how does he manage to turn things around? what’s his cats name??? i need to knowww

(also he looks like oscar isaac? i’m 👀 looking)

i randomly get into moods for stuff so like earlier i was going through my google drive with all my nonsense and looked back over my stuff for NAD and man i wish this plot would better reveal itself to me bc i love these characters. so much!!!

NAD rn is an acronym placeholder title for the actual wip itself (hopefully it’ll name itself… one day…) standing for the 3 povs that the story’s gonna switch through.

N is for Nyseah Nicoletti. she’s a trans femme nurse who is so. fucking. tired. she’s so damn tired. let her sleep. in her 30s and works the midnight shift most nights of the week and hardly takes time for herself, chain smokes to keep the edge off of how tired and irritable she always is. she wants better for herself but like ? how. getting the boob job was hard enough lmao. anyway tho, she’s given a respite from her misery one rare night off and she decides (for once) to go out. gets all dressed up, goes to a bar and WOW? a handsome man is actually?? flirting with her???? this doesn’t happen every day, what’s the occasion? they end up going back to a motel, fuck, and then nyseah wakes up alone. everything’s cool… until she opens her left eye. then SUDDEN PAIN!!! (i posted that excerpt here but she’s not having a god time). and well, come to find out she’s psychic now. but not in a good way. in a if you even think about using your powers blood is pouring from your eye type of way. ends up meeting some “escaped experiment” kids that she immediately adopts who are able to help her but her whole story is kinda. revenge for this dude who fucked her over like this bc it’s definitely one-night-stand dude’s fault (and this ain’t just a funny like. he literally caused this lol,,)

A is for Alona. a sweet, little air headed but doing her best! college student in her early 20s. she picks up a job at the largest and most famous (infamous probably) company in the city as a part time secretary and is living the good life, or is trying to! her coworkers are a bit standoffish at times but she’s pretty chill with the whole thing until one day for the first time she’s asked to stay on for the night shift. that night goes well, but she notices what looks to be a trail of blood coming from one of the back rooms she’s told not to go into and while she doesn’t that night the thought doesn’t leave her mind. she just can’t help but want to know more? somethings not right and well. she’s curious! (let’s just hope the cat phrase doesn’t come to fruition shall we).

finally, D is for PI Donte MacBride, the oldest of the bunch in his mid 40s. he really should retire from doing pi work but he has no other prospects or savings, so he just lives out his days in his little rickety shop/turned upstairs apartment (since he lost the last real place he had), shooing away those with hopes of him facing the cruel justice system on their behalf. he won’t, not anymore, he’s done with that circus. and he’s all but stopped taking on cases too until one day a very. very famous guest decides to drop by; an actor known only by his first name leonine. he comes by to request his services, claiming its only for closure as per don’s policy: find out who killed recently killed rising star, the singer roxanne davis, one of his dearest friends. and he makes don a monetary offer he can’t refuse—one that would set him for the rest of his life. so… despite the red flags about touching this case going off in his head, don finds himself taking on one last case.

as you can probably guess, these three stories intersect and the three of them are going to meet and realize they’re all on the same path to… whatever the fuck is going on here. but !! i have yet to figure out truly what it is aside from lil bits and pieces. fjfjfj i’m sorry this was so long haha.

[three-headed-monster]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (five, tk take separately, luv uuu)

bestie you always come through thank you :))))

i hope that you're okay with me choosing from a variety of ships and fics cause that's what i'm doing lmao

long post incoming so inserting a cut here

and i can see us lost in the memory: muskoka lake cabin scene

really want to highlight this one cause i sort of feel like no one realizes that i ever wrote for them? probably because it was 3 years ago at this point and also has a lot of key characteristics of my early writing opposed to my writing now. but this is probably one of my favourite actual confession scenes that i've written. i knew the whole time when writing this fic that i wanted it to end in muskoka, with them together on the pier talking to one another. i think at the time, i was just so in love with the idea of muskoka being this place that connected both of them when they were pushed so so far apart. it felt right.

this is also where i kinda started like obsessing over eyes lmao. you can see that a common thread throughout my fics is the idea of eyes "crashing" into one another and eye contact being a sort of simultaneously clarifying and intense moment for the characters. i think that's personally because i hate making eye contact with literally anybody and find that you're most vulnerable when you're looking somebody right in the eye. The bond snaps into place as soon as Connor’s clear blue Muskoka eyes make contact with his is one of the best lines in the fic in my own personal expert opinion lmao because it signifies the beginning of the two characters finally starting to open up with each other, alongside a physical indicator that they do.

another one of my favourite lines is: They’ve both changed.  They’re both older, wiser.  They both look a little different.   But this place?  And these feelings?  Hasn’t changed one bit.

i love the idea of places holding weight and meaning. i just think that everything has memory in it you know? that'll never change, no matter how hard you try, and when you revisit those places, you're brought back to how you felt the first time you experienced them. you'll never forget them, but it's also always compounded with the new way you look at the world. and when you can connect those two things together and still end up feeling the same way, it's beautiful.

anyways this is basically me just plugging myself like please go read this fic cause i think this confession scene is beautiful !!!!!! i wrote it very well me thinks!!! it's probably the best part of the entire fic and definitely taught me the importance of a good closing scene.

2. i don't need your closure (i have my own)

more like a ficlet than an actual fic, but actually so necessary to how i write going forward tbh (i mean all of these fics are really important parts of my writing journey but like there are specific things that i got from all the fics you know)

this one is SUPER introspective on bo and it really lends to my writing style. i like when characters soul-search a little bit. i tend to lean that way more when putting down fic, thinking about what is logical for a character to feel during certain situations as opposed to the action actually happening around them. when characters really look deeply at themselves and realize why they're doing certain things, or why they're feeling certain ways, that's what is most exciting for me to write as an author. you'll notice that i often overuse this in fics though, with less dialogue/action focused scenes and more like "oh my god what the fuck is happening in my head rn" scenes.

i also am a sucker for best friend relationships. almost every ship i read and/or write for must have a deep friendship i think, before i can even consider seeking out content for them. this isn't to say i don't enjoy a good enemies to lovers, but i love the aspect of friends being there for one another and that transitioning into a deeper connection, into love. there isn't any tagged ship in this fic, but dylan and bo's friendship is at the forefront of it because the comfort that dylan provides to bo changes how he thinks and views things. he and dylan have a strong platonic love for each other, and i think it shines through! the best line in this fic is: We have to go inside now yeah? Don't worry, I've got you. and it perfectly sums up what this fic is. like a warm hug from a friend after a hard day.

3. i didn't just come here to dance: handfeeding scene

handfeeding is one of my favourite tropes in fic and i wish i gave myself more opportunities to write it because the intimacy of it!!!!! being cared for by someone in ways you know you don't need but want to give them anyways!!!!!

i wrote this one into this fic in particular because of the character dynamics and characterization of the two leads. i think this is one of the first fics where i really started to explore that idea, of having my own headcanons for characters, and integrating that into how they interact with others and with the object of their affection especially. in this case, one of the big things i wanted to highlight was jack's big fear of never being enough. he's never been enough for anyone (or so he thinks) and how does that inform his interactions with noah? it certainly tinges them with a sense of desperate connection with the one person who does see him as enough. i feel like all of my characters tend to have something like this (like owen's constant paranoia about not being interesting enough for kent to stick around).

also this serves as a good consent scene for the both of them, both of them sane and coherent enough to say yes to one another. which is always good! consent is necessary and sexy!

4. the boy who sits at the front of the class: breakup/makeup scene

another really underrated and really short one! i never get an opportunity to talk about this one, mainly because i have a lot of fucking fics lmao, and it's one that i released kinda under the radar.

i felt like this scene was needed mainly because i didn't want their relationship to be perfect. it's unrealistic to expect that, especially as a high school relationship. right person wrong time is something i believe in so strongly, and it just wasn't their time after high school going into college. that didn't mean they stopped loving each other though, and i think i say it in that scene that both of them were devastated by it.

you'll also notice the repetition of 3s rule in this scene (p much throughout the entire scene) and that's another trait of my writing. i love using that for dramatic effect and also to really emphasize what is going on. i think it makes it easy to add a ton of detail to scenes without feeling like there's a disconnect with what's actually going on. i mention 3 unrelated moments, but they're all kind of connected by the "there..." thread. great literary technique, highly suggest to all writers!

my favourite line from this fic is: Kent, Kent, Kent. It’s all him in the end.

because it could really be a synopsis for the whole fic and how i view owen as a character lmao. reading through the rest of my owen/kent fics, you'll notice that my owen characterization develops throughout, to really highlight that as one of his key traits.

5. lover of mine (maybe we'll take some time): nail scene in amsterdam

one of my favourite scenes i've written for this fic, mostly because i think it's one of the only ones that perfectly balances the angst, the pining, and the humour of it all. if i had to introduce someone to this fic, i would probably use this scene to do it tbh because it has everything i want to show from it.

funnily enough, this was a scene i started over at least three different times when writing out this fic. truly, i have no idea why it was so difficult, but in general, i find that this one of the most difficult fics for me to write. i think it's because i don't have a very firm grasp on kent's characterization at all, what makes him tick and what not. the au setting does make it a bit easier for me to mold him to whatever i want him to be, but there's a reason i tend to write from owen's pov instead of kent's. i feel like i really understand owen as a character (and you'll find i tend to lean one way in all of my ships in terms of understanding their characters), and with kent, i feel that less so. i wanted this scene to show owen and kent's genuine friendship, and how owen cares for him enough to do things like this with him. owen cares enough to pay attention to the fact that this is what kent wants, and to ask him the truth about what's going on. he doesn't push, because he knows kent well enough to know he'll tell him anyways. i wanted to give the audience an idea of how far their connection goes and how good of a friendship it is. add in a bit of owen clearly wanting to tell kent how he feels about him (spoiler: he's kinda in love), and some humour, and you have a great scene.

i think this scene is also a really good indicator of how kent views owen too. it's a lot of foreshadowing for how they will inevitably end up together, through the dropping of little hints. like really, kent shouldn't want to be so observant of what owen is doing, but he wants to because there's something more than friendship simmering under there. and because he finds he's really good at it.

the vibe is this scene is truly something i want to try to capture in most scenes going forward in this fic. and hopefully i do! the next chapter is great chapter and when i do release it, i think you'll find that a lot of the amsterdam vibes do reflect on it.

[blues-valentine]

hey i love ur posts! ur rina posts have been really cool to read as someone that's invested in neither ship too much. but I actually think a few rinas have misunderstood how important the gina and ej's "not really" moments are.

i totally agree that ricky and gina share a special "you get me!" kind of bond from their similar, tumultuous family backgrounds.

but there is something super special about the way portwell openly admits that they "don't really" understand what the other feels like, but they're willing to listen, willing to check up on each other, and choosing to try and understand each other.

while that was certainly the case for gina and ricky in season 1 (with them bonding over their similar struggles), in season 2, i was really disappointed by the lack of thought and care ricky put into his friendship with gina. he frequently sought her out for advice about nini, and although he was open to being spoken to when gina needed to rant on valentine's day, he hasn't once followed up on her or given what she's going through much thought.

i think the lesson the show is teaching kids through portwell is that shared hurt and shared trauma isn't the indicator of a healthy and safe relationship. ej and gina don't share similar plotlines, but the fact that ej and gina shared the, "you wanna know what i see right now?" moment was a really beautiful reminder that a healthy relationship (friendships and otherwise) requires the ongoing choice to see one another and try to understand one another.

i just don't like the idea that ricky and gina deserve to be end game just because they have similar pains. so far, ricky hasn't made any attempts to make gina feel chosen, prioritized, or intentionally cared for. and ej has. i think that rinas need to cut ej some slack, is all i'm saying. i'm suuuper open to a rina endgame, but i think we're doing gina a disservice by not allowing her to just be giddy and happy with ej rn. i'm 10000% team gina no matter what happens and for now, the person treating her the best is ej so i'm going to be open to whatever direction the writers take us on.

anyways, keep posting! i love ur content. have a great day!

Thanks for the ask! And so, about the content that's your opinion and that's appreciated it and I respect it. I do have a different opinion about the points you just made. I have to say, I'm not invested either and I really don't care how the pairings end up, but saying "rinas need to cut ej some slack" feels disingenuous because many haven't done that to Ricky.

My thoughts under the cut, because it's long:

1. So many expect way too much of Ricky, a literal kid, as if his whole story line this season hasn't been about him being afraid of change and abandonment. The boy clearly wasn't dealing well with his parents divorcing and projected a lot of that into his relationship with Nini. He dedicated himself into making the distance thing with Nini work so much that he forgot about everything else. It's okay, he is not the devil for being careless about Gina. I don't think it clicked on him yet any of the situation with her. I think he is also very confused about their relationship too. Ricky is the type to take a while to figure things out, and that's okay. Many act like he intentionally was being malicious to Gina. Ricky is genuinly a good guy but a bit clueless. As Joshua said on a interview: Rina this season is all about miscommunication/misunderstandings needing to be solved.

2. Following with that, if anything, you can see that breaking up with Nini and the conversation with his mom is clearly the thing he needed, is a step foward, and that would mean figuring out his life and friendships, including the situation with Gina. 209 and 210 were big indicators for that, he is coming to terms with a lot of things. He is getting closure about Nini, he needed the talk w his mom. He now needs to figure out that change isn't bad and he should embrace it.

3. "I think the lesson the show is teaching kids through portwell is that shared hurt and shared trauma isn't the indicator of a healthy and safe relationship." This rubs me the wrong way and it's a problem I have with fandom in general. So many think something that isn't going perfect it’s because it’s unhealthy. And it needs to stop. I don't see how Rina are being portrayed as unhealthy. It's all about misunderstandings. It's your opinion but I don't think they are unhealthy for sharing similar things in terms of their family situation. That's like saying that kids that bond over their parents divorcing is a bad thing. I think it's dangerous that you are labeling that as unhealthy or unsafe for a relationship. Rina started romantically (sort of) on 105, but before that Gina encouranged Ricky to take part on the musical, telling him to embrace his style. She was the reason he stayed on the show. After 105, he sang a song to her, after she encouraged his acustic version idea. Apart from their family struggles, Ricky and Gina shared a lot of moments when you can tell they are able to make each other comfortable and happy. But most importantly, understood — something that you can tell means a lot to them. Rina shares a connection because they understand constant change and how scary it is to be under it - that's not shared trauma. It's something mutual that brings them together but it's not everything about their relationship. They are literally 16/17 years old and haven't even dated yet to make that assumption and I doubt that’s even the message the show is portraying.

Plus, if anything the Rini story line was trying to tell others that "not all couples are meant to last" that sometimes people change and that change can be reflected in ones relationships. Both Ricky and Nini were holding onto each other and not allowing themselves to grow independently, and letting their relationship go plays a big part of them chosing their own path (ricky with change/nini with music).

4. I don't see the big deep thing you see in Portwell. I respect your opinion but my interpretation of their relationship is different. They remind me of that relationship that needs to happen to push the characters to another path or to grow to be able to embrace other relationships in the future (and that's not a bad thing at all). For me, Portwell have differences that won't make the relationship last. I think it's interesting that Gina can share things with Ricky and with an stranger but not with EJ. What the episodes are telling me (personally): Gina needs closure w Ricky to be able to start fresh in a relationship (they haven't had the talk yet). Secondly, EJ is going to college and I think it was a disservice to his character that his story like was dropped so quickly to be a romantic interest that won’t last, but I believe it will be back. Gina needs "someone that will stay" and I think that while EJ is a good guy, it won't end the way most people would want and the way is being framed in writing suggests that.

5. I still find it weird you keep labeling Rina as "unhealthy" and Portwell as "healthy" because of a "ongoing choice to see one another and try to understand one another." because it goes again with you not "cutting Ricky some slack" about his obvious issues this season. Ricky wasn’t obligated to make Gina "feel chosen, prioritized, or intentionally cared for" because he had a whole girlfriend and Rina was never in a romantic relationship (it was pretty much undefined). Again, it’s acting like Ricky ignoring Gina's feelings cuz of his own personal issues completely disregards him as a character, as if S1 doesn't exist, where he was the only one concerned about Gina and her family issues.

6. "We're doing Gina a disservice by not allowing her to just be giddy and happy with EJ". I love seeing Gina happy after 3A being about her pinning for Ricky but pointing out the signs of where the story line seems to be going and having metas isn't about wanting to see her sad or just pinning for him. Plus, most are acting like Ricky only makes her sad when season 1 exists too, and she was happy before learning she needed to move out again and give up their relationship or the beginning of it.

7. Lastly, "i just don't like the idea that ricky and gina deserve to be end game just because they have similar pains." I think people want to see Rina endgame because they have the best built up of all the characters (together and individually) and because they have so much mutual understanding and potential. The writers clearly see the chemistry and the great story lines they can bring up with them, because their story together hasn't even started. It has nothing to do with them having similar pains, but how good that foundation is.

Honestly, I don't really care that much about it all but is so weird seeing so many people making Ricky the bad guy this season and making it seem like he doesn’t deserve Gina at all. I have a problem with fandom villanizing kids for their reaction (or lack of) to traumas and problems. At the end, only the writers know what will happen, I support Gina 100% with what makes her happy but I stick to my theory that Rina is being set up as a slow burn and Portwell is a plot that won't last. I have seen many teen shows, and the narrative they are using reminds me of them. And I could be wrong, but that's why these are theories.

[shego1142]

Hi, um... so I saw your btd and infinity train post and just gotta say, super glad I'm not the only one that thought that! Now that season 3 is officially all out I'm really curious if you've seen it yet and what you thought.

Goes without saying but MAJOR infinity train season 3 spoilers below!

This is also discussing an 18+ horror-porn game which features a lot of gore and other potentially triggering subjects so dni if you are not 18 or older or if gore/murder/etc make you uncomfy!

I just watched the finale. I’m like... in shock?

I mean by no means was or is Simon my fave at all (he just looks a lot like my ultimate comfort character lol) but wow... just... wow

It is a lot different when like... comparing btd with infinity train too tho!

Like, I feel like the entire /point/ of btd is to let your morality go. Like, it’s a horror-porn game.

It’s meant to be like “what up u fucks, being murdered is sexy! Yes Strade daddy kick my fucking head in! Lawrence pls squeeze my actual literal beating heart you weird necrophile”

And meanwhile infinity train is like “we are all just a collection of our actions, we all deserve the chance to redeem ourselves but sometimes we may not be able to due to the trauma we’ve been put through and the finite amount of time we have”

And I personally believe that both of those facets of humanity are okay to explore in fiction. It’s healthy to explore them in fact.

That said like, yea Simon is an asshole but I still liked him. Still think he deserved to redeem himself.

Still think it’s unfair that the train even happened to him at all, because he probably would have been better off at 10 years old with people who could look at him and say “yo, kid, here’s a therapist” instead of him being led by someone who is just as much a scared kid as he is.

Him doing what he’s always been taught to do and suddenly being told it’s wrong... as someone who’s autistic I can tell you that that’s a world shattering circumstance.

Idk if Simon was autistic or not, tbh I was too freaked out by how much he looked like Lawrence to notice much else about him...

Idk personally I liked the finale even if I feel like it wasn’t fair. I like the story even if it ripped me up emotionally, even if it’s making me think about things I wish I weren’t thinking about (like whether or not I’m a good person and whether or not redemption is possible and whether or not somewhere somehow those who couldn’t redeem themselves in this life are able to redeem themselves elsewhere)

I feel hollow after watching the finale, but in a good way.

Yes I would adore beyond all belief to have like, a fic it fic or something that gives Simon a second chance... like idk, maybe he wakes up in the real world from a coma? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And maybe when she gets out (probably very soon) Grace finds him.

But maybe that’s just it. Maybe that’s the end, full stop, he died, he’s gone, he lived a shitty life from ages 10 to what? 16? 18?

Idk... you asked about my thoughts and rn the main thing I’m thinking is just how much I really do hate how the fandom is this big jumbled mess of completely missing the point.

But anyway, yea no I lost my absolute shit when I saw him in season 2

Like I was /obsessed/ because of how freaking much he looked like Lawrence. Still am, bc wow the hair down look was wild too!

Especially with the “he went insane” scene... very Lawrence.

I guess that brings me back around to what I was saying about btd and infinity train being ultimately so different too.

With Lawrence I personally am like “yes my horrible son, you are a bad socially anxious murder boy and your entire purpose is to murder. Continue your murdering. Especially if it’s me or characters I relate to because I’m dealing with some shit and imagining you murdering me helps me deal with it, you funky little weird coping mechanism you.”

With Simon I’m like “You’re an ass. It’s not your fault though. I would be an ass too if I had been taught from age ten to do things the way you were taught to do them. Your actions are horrible and if you had had a fair shot at learning personal responsibility I would argue that you should be held responsible for them. But since you didn’t, since you spent your entire time on the train without growing, staying stagnant and forcing yourself to regress because it’s what you’d been taught was right, what you thought was right, all I can do is pity you. Your purpose was to learn to be a better person and you failed and I’m sorry.”

They’re ultimately very different characters for me despite how similar they are (obviously the way they look exactly alike but they’re also mentally unstable, started killing at a young age, have anger issues, etc)

I adore infinity train, and all its characters honestly. I really do hope there’s some form of closure for Simon but I’m not expecting it either.

Right now I just wish the fandom wasn’t trying to tear apart those who want closure for him. That’s so... outside of the point of the entire show.

Idk this goes a lot into my philosophy on life in general too I think, basically I don’t think there are people who are irredeemable. Not on shows, not in real life. I think there are just people who need help. I think that people deserve to be treated fairly and with respect regardless of what horrible actions they may have committed.

I guess I’m just really irritated rn at how some of the fandom seems to think that it was Simon’s “right and just punishment” that he died.

It wasn’t a punishment. It was just something that happened. People die. It happens. He didn’t die because he was a bad person. At least I don’t think so.

And it doesn’t make me, or any other fans, or Grace, or the apex kids bad people to mourn for him. For his lost opportunities. He was a traumatised child and he’s gone now.

And the ghom? Wasn’t it shown in season one that the ghoms are Amelia’s fault anyway?

Personally I think the entire point of the train is to work out your problems, full stop.

I think the only way someone is /meant/ to be able to die from the train is to die of old age.

The ghoms are accidental. They’re the product of someone else’s actions.

And sometimes we fall prey to that. And I think it’s okay to look at that and say “well that’s not fair.”

Because it isn’t.

I don’t know if Simon could have gotten better. Maybe he could have?

In the scene where he loses his sanity there for a moment he really did show signs of immense remorse and even confusion.

But honestly? Even if he wasn’t able to get better he didn’t deserve to die. And it disturbs me that a lot of peeps seem to think he did.

Anyway sorry this turned into a bit more of a rant than I meant for it to!!! >~<

Like I said I /just/ watched it!

But yea as far as Simon Laurent looking like Lawrence goes, I’m still a bit freaked out by that. The amount of times I’ve gone to write “Lawrence” instead of Simon in this post is way to high lol!

Personally I wanna know how gato feels about him honestly! Like she’s Lawrence’s creator and Simon really does seem like such a nod to her character!

Thanks for the ask, I got to vent a good bit! Idk if this is the convo you wanted from me tho lol :P