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#but i'm so scared of my employement agency contact person hearing about this
theflyingfeeling · 1 year
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aaaarrghghgh 😭
#overthinking hurts my head how am i supposed to sleep tonight#why am i so stupid so stupid so stupid#when BC said PANIC PANIC PANIC i felt that lol#yes this is about the job situation again (see my post from yesterday)#i'm fairly hopeful that'll resolve itself when i call them and ask for another opportunity tomorrow morning#(my mom helped me come up with a convincing enough story about why i cancelled the interview lol)#but i'm so scared of my employement agency contact person hearing about this#in the best case scenario i could handle it by telling her i had to cancel due to personal reasons...#...but was lucky enough to get a new interview#and i feel i should contact her first before she notices they have opened that position for applications again#(she knows i applied for it so IF she notices this she might wonder WHY they have re-opened it#because if there's been qualified applicants (=me) they wouldn't have to do that)#in any case i'm so so scared she'll call the place and ask them if i really did apply and if i really do have an upcoming interview#if i do get another opportunity it's not gonna be a problem i hope (unless they tell her why i said i cancelled it#because in that case i'd probably have to actually tell the employment agency person the REAL reason why i cancelled)#in addition i'm scared of what it might look like to the people i'm hoping will hire me if someone from the employment agency calls them#to make sure their customer hasn't lied about applying and agreeing on an interview?!#that's gonna make me look sooooooo good lmao#to conclude. i'm screwed and a fucking idiot byeeee#(this is complicated i know sorry lol)
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dragon-kazansky · 3 years
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Til death do us part | Helmut Zemo
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Bodyguard AU! 🕶
Gender neutral reader
Collage by @realremyd
[Previous chapter] - [Next chapter]
Part 10
The very day the rest of the guards that Steve had contacted arrived. He gathered them for a meeting to brief them on the job. He was worried about the group that had taken you out of action for a while.
You had begun to suspect that Zemo knew exactly who they were and what they wanted, but he hadn't informed you about them at all. Since it wasn't deemed important enough for you to know, you didn't ask.
You had been excused from Zemo's side, reluctantly for him, to join Steve and Bucky outside.
The boys were stood with their hands behind the back watching the new lot get used to the grounds. It was important they knew their way around.
You came up beside Steve.
"Morning."
"Morning, Y/N," he smiles.
"How is it being Zemo's personal bodyguard?" Bucky asks.
You chuckle. "So far so good. No issues to report."
"And in the romance department?" Bucky asks, grinning like a fool.
"Non existent, Buck. Don't be silly," you scold him.
Steve is smiling.
"Not you too, Rogers."
"I'm sorry, Y/N, but I think Bucky is right. I honestly believe the Baron may have feelings for you."
"Why would he? He hated me when we met."
"You saved his life," Bucky reminds you, "that is plenty enough to change a point of view on someone."
You sigh.
"I suppose."
You knew it was probably true just from the way he had been treating you. You felt less like a bodyguard and more like a guest. Even you could tell he was reaching for any excuse to keep you near him.
You would just go back to being the professional you were and decline politely, having excuses of your own to do other things.
He was your boss.
"Nothing is going to happen, so no point in bringing it up any more," you tell them.
"You sound so sure of that," Bucky says.
"Because I am."
Neither one of them mentions it further. The new group finish their tour of the outside grounds, and it's here you decide to go back inside, leaving Steve and Bucky to show them the rest.
Bucky watches you go, feeling bad about teasing you, but also not because he knows it's true.
You pass Natasha on tour way back inside.
"Can I join you?" She asks.
"I don't see why not," you chuckle.
The pair of you walk in perfect sync as you head upstairs. The house is quiet as you walk your usual route.
"Are you not scared they'll come back?" She asks, looking at you from the corner of her eye. Natasha had been worried sick after you were rushed off to hospital. There hadn't been much word about your status until they all got back to the hotel. She was scared it was going to end badly.
Then they heard you were stable and she let out the biggest sigh of relief. It painted them that they couldn't all come and visit you, but Steve assured them you were on the mend.
You sigh softly.
"Honestly, yes."
Natasha didn't miss the way you reached u pro your shoulder for just a moment. Obviously it bothered you everytime that day was mentioned.
"But in here to do a job and I'll do it again if i have to. My life for his."
"It's a reckless job, isn't it?"
You smile softly. "Yes, it is, but it is also the most rewarding. We are duty bound to protect someone and I did just that."
She smiles.
"And I'm sure you'll be rewarded handsomely for it too."
You narrow you eyes at her, lips tugging into a frown.
"What do you mean by that?"
She laughs a little. "The Baron fancies you, perhaps your reward is, well, him."
"You too? Natasha, no! I just told Steve and Bucky off for this. Even if he does like me, I won't peruse it. I'm here to do a job, Natasha. He trusts me with his life."
"Maybe he just wants to keep you close to him."
"You're being ridiculous," you sigh.
The pair of you reach Zemo's office. You stop outside and turn to your dear friend.
"Trust me, nothing is going to happen here."
She looks sceptical, but Natasha doesn't say anything and just nods once. She gestures to the door and leaves silently.
You hold your head up high and knock on the door.
"Come in."
You open the door and enter. The door closes gently behind you, and then you make your way over to the Baron to stand behind him.
You ignore the way he watches you do so. You can feel his eyes on you as you pass him.
Helmut hides his smile as he looks back down at his work. He was glad you were here. He had missed your presence in the room. You had this calming affect for him and he noticed it greatly when you were gone.
He hadn't got very far with his work. For every time you leave him, his mind lingers on you. He wonders what you'll do, where you'll go, if you think of him as he does you.
Whenever he thought about that last part, his heart was skip a beat.
Zemo's thoughts came to a halt when another knock sounded at his door. He gave them permission to enter.
A maid enters. One you've seen around the estate. She is carrying a tray with a tea set on it. The maid approaches the desk and places the tray down. Helmut thanks her quietly and she then excuses herself.
Helmut pours himself a cup.
You admire the little tea set. It's all matching. All made from china. White with flowers painted onto them in an intricate design. Simple, yet classy.
Too busy admiring the teacups, you only just realise he is pouring another cup.
"Sit."
You glance at him quickly. He was obviously talking to you as you were the only other person in the room. Not wanting to argue with him, you take a seat opposite him, all while keeping your wits about you just in case.
Helmut places the other teacup in front of you. You stare at it.
"For you," he chuckles softly.
"Um, thank you, sir."
You accept it. You sip the hot contents of the cup and hum softly. It was very nice. You hide your smile behind your cup, hoping he wasn't looking at you right now.
Problem is, he is always looking at you when you're within his eyeline.
"How did you get into this line of work?" He asks, desperate to get you to open up to him. He wanted to know about you, hear you say more than a few words to him.
"Steve Rogers is a dear friend of mine. He was looking for recruits back when the agency was just starting. I told him I was interested, but I had no training. He assured me that was alright and introduced me to Natasha. She became my mentor. Everything I know, I learned from Nat. Within the first month of my employment, I received my first assignment. I've been a bodyguard ever since."
He smiled. This was progress. You were opening up to him and he was happy.
"Then I should thank Mr. Rogers and Miss. Romanoff," he says, smiling softly.
"Thank them?"
"If not for them, I wouldn't have such a hard working and efficient bodyguard."
"With all due respect, sir, you didn't think that way when we met."
His smile fades. Of course you wouldn't forget about that. First impressions are important and he had ruined it by thinking lesser of you.
You must really hate him for that.
Perhaps he didn't stand a chance with you after all.
"Yes, well, opinions can change," he said, lowering his cup onto it's saucer on the desk.
"Your opinion changed because I took a dee bullets for you. Your opinion changed because I did my job and saved your life."
Normally you would never talk back to your employer, but you wanted him to know how he made you feel.
"I apologise."
"Apologies are unnecessary when I'm doing my duty," you tell him.
"Do you ever not think of your duty?"
"No. When I'm working, all there is to think about is the job."
Helmut looks at you with a longing gaze, not that you see it as such.
"Are you happy?" He asks. The question startles you.
"Happy?"
"Happy doing your duty? Happy putting your life before others. Do you not think your life as important compares to those you serve and protect?"
You stare at him blankly.
"My purpose is to put my life before others. I do what I do because I'm good at it. It is my job to put myself before others in dangerous situations. I wouldn't want to do anything else. I'm here to keep you safe, sir."
Silence falls between you.
All you think about your job and for some reason he hates that fact. Right here in front of him, you aren't your own person, you're someone who lay down their life for whoever employs them.
Once upon a time he had happily felt the same, laying down his life for his country, but things changed. He changed.
"Anything you want, just say the word and I'll get it for you. I want you to be happy in my home."
Our home. He wanted to say our home, but that felt far too personal, even of you were living here now.
You put your cup down and stand up.
"If you'll excuse me, sir, I have to make my rounds."
You leave before he can say anything.
Helmut stares at your half empty teacup. He sighs. The most you had ever said to him, and he had only managed to upset you further. Judging by the way you left, he may have offended you.
His heart was going crazy.
"Why must romance be so difficult?" He sighed, sitting back in his chair.
He just wanted to know you. What a fool he was.
Sitting there in silence, he made a silent promise to make it up to you. He had a mission of his own now.
Helmut Zemo had accepted that he liked you, and now he just had to win you over. He would start tomorrow, when the day was fresh and today could be forgotten.
He was going to show you who he was underneath the title of Baron.
Helmut Zemo was going to win over your heart.
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