#but idk what like. I’m responisble for wanting to like yknow
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man why can’t I have a mental breakdown during the day in front of everyone like all the other guys nooo I gotta do it in my head
#I know mentally I’m not okay but rn I just look like -_- meanwhile my brain is yelling at me to just fuckinh do a flip off of a roof#how yo biggest opp urself bro 😭#and that’s the worst thing whenever I try to talk to ppl about it they’re always like ‘but you’re always laughing’ nigga I am unwell#and not everyone my gf and my friends get it but like#they have no obligation nor the resources to like#do anything#plus my mental health is my responsibility but like#but idk what like. I’m responisble for wanting to like yknow#do the fork in the garbage disposal#go to the great big farm in the sky 😭 what if that’s my prerogative#like brooo what if I don’t wanna get better what if I wanna stop getting in the first place#idk who needs to hear this but it will not get better for meee#there is no point no purpose#we are just here!!! there’s no reason!!! we live we die!!!! some sooner than others#and maybe our purpose is to make a purpose#but what if my purpose is to die and change the tragectory of everyone’s life forever <3#I think I’m like#going thru something man#idk what#but I rlly feel like I’m really gonna do it this time <guy who is so numb that he doesn’t even feel like getting up to kill himself#lazy lazy lazy
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