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#but if you're going to watch something on netflix then yeah it's going to 'benefit capitalism' in some way
arielmagicesi · 2 years
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as hard as it may seem to believe, just because a film has Janelle Monae in it doesn’t mean it’s a deep and meaningful film that’s deconstructing modern society. Glass Onion can just be a fun silly murder mystery with exciting little twists that says “Elon Musk is an idiot” and nothing more in the “theme and message” section, and I think that’s fine. but yes Janelle Monae is in it which elevates it to Film That Has Janelle Monae In It
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🔐 Why You (Probably) Don't Need A VPN
A rant by a software engineer sick of VPN ads from her favourite YouTubers
TL;DR:
Here are some legitimate reasons the average internet user might want to use a VPN:
To connect to their company's internal network
To bypass the Great Firewall of China (or other types of website blocks at country or organisation level)
To watch Netflix etc as if you were in another country
Here are absolutely rubbish reasons to use a VPN:
Privacy
And today, I'll tell you why.
Hang on, won't a VPN stop hackers from stealing my passwords?
I mean, it does encrypt the web traffic coming from your device.
You know what else encrypts web traffic coming from your device? Your browser.
Yes, in the year 2021, pretty much all websites on the internet are accessed over HTTPS. The "S" stands for "secure", as in "your request will be securely encrypted". If your browser is using HTTPS, nobody can capture the data you're sending over the internet. More detail in the "I like too much detail" section at the bottom of this post.
It's very easy to check if you are using HTTPS by looking at your URL bar. In most browsers, it will have a lock on it if secure:
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(From top left to bottom right: Chrome on iOS, Safari on iOS, Chrome on Windows, Edge on Windows, Firefox on Windows, and Safari on Mac. Screenshots reflect the UI at the time this post was written. Oh gosh this has taken over 4 hours to write.)
But isn't moar encryption better? What if somebody breaks HTTPS?
For starters, nobody's breaking your HTTPS, and there isn't any benefit from double encrypting. This is because of the maths behind encryption/decryption!
Encryption works kinda like a lock and key, except the lock is maths and the key is a special number only known to the person allowed to unlock the information.
The important thing is, without the key, all the locked data looks like complete and utter garbage. Completely unusable. Barely distinguishable from random noise. There's absolutely no way to tell what the original data was.
The other important thing is that the key is nearly unguessable. As in, with current technology, will generally take more than the lifetime of the universe to guess by chance. And when technology gets faster, we just make the numbers bigger again until they're once again secure.
For any major website you use, they will use a strong encryption algorithm (ie lock) with big numbers so your keys will be strong enough to withstand an attack. This means your data is safe as long as that lock icon is in your URL bar.
A VPN will not make the existing garble any more garbled. The extra $10/month or whatever you're paying for does not buy you any extra protection.
If you want to know more about how encryption and HTTPS in particular work, see the "I like too much detail" section at the end of this post.
Something something viruses
How's a VPN going to stop viruses? It controls the path your internet traffic takes, not the content that gets sent down that path. I guess it could block some known virus-giving hosts? But if it's known to the VPN provider, it's probably also known to the built-in antivirus on your computer who can block it for you.
(Oh yeah, 3rd party antivirus is another thing that's not worth paying for these days. Microsoft's built-in Windows Defender is as good as the third party options, and something something Macs don't get viruses easily because of how they're architected.)
Honestly though, keep your software up to date, don't click on anything suspicious, don't open files from sources you don't trust, and you'll be right most of the time.
And keep your software up to date. Then update your software. Hey, did I mention keeping your stuff updated? Update! Now! It only takes a few minutes. Please update to the latest version of your software I'm begging you. It's the number 1 way to protect yourself from viruses and other malware. Most major software attacks could have been prevented if people just updated their damn software!
But my ISP is spying on me!
Ok, it is true that there are TWO bits of data that HTTPS can't and won't hide. Those are:
The source of a request (your IP)
What website that request is going to (the website's IP)
These are the bits of information that routers use to know where to send your data, so of course they can't be hidden as the data is moving across the internet. And people can see that information very easily if they want to.
Note: this will show which website you're going to, but not which page you're looking at, and not the content of that page. So it will show that you were on Tumblr, but will not show anyone that you're still reading SuperWhoLock content in 2021.
It's this source/destination information that VPNs hide, which is why they can be used to bypass website blocks and region locks.
By using a VPN, those sniffing traffic on your side of the VPN will just show you connecting to the VPN, not the actual website you want. That means you can read AO3 at work/school without your boss/teachers knowing (unless they look over your shoulder of course).
As for those sniffing on the websites end, including the website itself, they will see the VPN as the source of the connection, not you. So if you're in the US and using a VPN node in the UK, Netflix will see you as being in the UK and show you their British library rather than the American one.
If this is what you're using a VPN for and you think the price is fair, then by all means keep doing it! This is 100% what VPNs are good for.
HOWEVER, and this is a big "however", if it's your ISP you're trying to hide your internet traffic from, then you will want to think twice before using a VPN.
Let me put it this way. Without a VPN, your ISP knows every website you connect to and when. With a VPN, do you know who has that exact same information? The VPN provider. Sure, many claim to not keep logs, but do you really trust the people asking for you to send them all your data for a fee to not just turn around and sell your data on for a profit, or worse?
In effect, you're trading one snooper for another. One snooper is heavily regulated, in many jurisdictions must obey net neutrality, and is already getting a big fee from you regardless of where you browse. The other isn't. Again, it's all a matter of who you trust more.
For me personally, I trust my ISP more than a random VPN provider, if for no other reason than my ISP is an old enough company with enough inertia and incompetence that I don't think they could organise to sell my data even if they wanted to. And with the amount of money I'm paying them per month, they've only got everything to lose if they broke consumer trust by on-selling that data. So yeah, I trust my ISP more with my privacy than the random VPN company.
But my VPN comes with a password manager!
Password managers are great. I 100% recommend you use a password manager. If there's one thing you could do right now to improve your security (other than updating your software, speaking of, have you updated yet?), it's getting and using a password manager.
Password managers also come for free.
I'm currently using LastPass free, but am planning to switch after they did a bad capitalism and only let their free accounts access either laptop or mobile but not both now. I personally am planning to move to Bitwarden on friends' recommendation since it's not only free but open source and available across devices. I also have friends who use passbolt and enjoy it, which is also free and open source, but it's also a bit DIY to set up. Great if you like tinkering though! And there are probably many other options out there if you do a bit of googling.
So, yeah, please use a password manager, but don't pay for it unless you actually have use for the extra features.
No I really need to hide my internet activity from everybody for reasons
In this case, you're probably looking for TOR. TOR is basically untraceable. It's also a terrible user experience for the most part because of this, so I'd only recommend it if you need it, such as if you're trying to escape the Great Firewall. But please don't use it for Bad Crimes. I am not to be held liable for any crime committed using information learned from this post.
Further reading viewing
If you want to know more about why you don't need a VPN, see Tom Scott's amazing video on the subject. It's honestly a great intro for beginners.
I like too much detail
Ahhh, so you're the type of person who doesn't get turned off by long explanations I see. Well, here's a little more info on the stuff I oversimplified in the main post about encryption. Uhh, words get bigger and more jargony in this section.
So first oversimplification: the assumption that all web traffic is either HTTP or HTTPS. This isn't exactly true. There are many other application layer internet standards out there, such as ssh, ftp, websockets, and all the proprietary standards certain companies use for stuff such as streaming and video conferencing. Some of these are secure, using TLS or some other security algorithm under the hood, and some of them aren't.
But most of the web requests you care about are HTTP/HTTPS calls. As for the rest, if they come from a company of a decent size that hasn't been hacked off the face of the planet already, they're probably also secure. In other words, you don't need to worry about it.
Next, we've already said that encryption works as a lock and a key, where the lock is a maths formula and the key is a number. But how do we get that key to lock and unlock the data?
Well, to answer that, we first need to talk about the two different types of encryption: symmetric and asymmetric. Symmetric encryption such as AES uses the same key to both encrypt and decrypt data, whereas asymmetric encryption such as RSA uses a different key to encode and decode.
For the sake of my writing, we're going to call the person encrypting Alice, the person decrypting Bob, and the eavesdropper trying to break our communications Eve from now on. These are standard names in crypto FYI. Also, crypto is short for cryptography not cryptocurrencies. Get your Bitcoin and Etherium outta here!
Sorry if things start getting incoherent. I'm tired. It's after 1am now.
So first, how do we get the key from symmetric crypto? This is probably the easier place to start. Well, you need a number, any number of sufficient size, that both Alice and Bob know. There are many ways you could share this number. They could decide it when they meet in person. They could send it to each other using carrier pigeons. Or they could radio it via morse code. But those aren't convenient, and somebody could intercept the number and use it to read all their messages.
So what we use instead is a super clever algorithm called Diffie-Hellman, which uses maths and, in particular, the fact it's really hard to factor large numbers (probably NP Hard to be specific, but there's no actual proof of that). The Wikipedia page for this is surprisingly easy to read, so I'll just direct you there to read all about it because I've been writing for too long. This algorithm allows Alice and Bob to agree on a secret number, despite Eve being able to read everything they send each other.
Now Alice and Bob have this secret number key, they can talk in private. Alice puts her message and the key into the encryption algorithm and out pops what looks like a load of garbage. She can then send this garbage to Bob without worrying about Eve being able to read it. Bob can then put the garbage and the key into the decryption algorithm to undo the scrambling and get the original message out telling him where the good donuts are. Voila, they're done!
But how does Alice know that she's sending her message to Bob and not Eve? Eve could pretend to be Bob so that Alice does the Diffie-Hellman dance with her instead and sends her the secret location of the good donuts instead.
This is where asymmetric crypto comes in! This is the one with private and public keys, and the one that uses prime numbers.
I'm not 100% across the maths on this one TBH, but it has something to do with group theory. Anyway, just like Diffie-Hellman, it relies on the fact that prime factorisation is hard, and so it does some magic with semi-primes, ie numbers with only 2 prime factors other than 1. Google it if you want to know more. I kinda zoned out of this bit in my security courses. Maths hard
But the effect of that maths is easier to explain: things that are encoded with one of the keys can only be decoded with the other key. This means that one of those keys can be well-known to the public and the other is known only to the person it belongs to.
If Alice wants to send a message to Bob and just Bob, no Eve allowed, she can first look up Bob's public key and encrypt a beginning message with that. Once Bob receives the message, he can decrypt it with his private key and read the contents. Eve can't read the contents though because, even though she has Bob's public key, she doesn't know his private key.
This public key information is what the lock in your browser is all about BTW. It's saying that the website is legit based on the public key they provide.
So why do we need symmetric crypto when we have asymmetric crypto? Seems a lot less hassle to exchange keys with asymmetric crypto.
Well, it's because asymmetric crypto is slooooow. So, in TLS, the security algorithm that puts the "S" in "HTTPS", asymmetric RSA is used to establish the initial connection and figure out what symmetric key to use, and then the rest of the session uses AES symmetric encryption using the agreed secret key.
And there you have it! Crypto in slightly-less-short-but-still-high-enough-level-that-I-hope-you-understand.
Just realised how long this section is. Well, I did call it "too much detail" for a reason.
Now, next question is what exactly is and isn't encrypted using HTTPS.
Well, as I said earlier, it's basically just the source IP:port and the destination IP:port. In fact, this information is actually communicated on the logical layer below the application layer HTTPS is on, known as the transport layer. Again, as I said before, you can't really encrypt this unless you don't want your data to reach the place you want at all.
Also, DNS is unencrypted. A DNS request is a request that turns a domain name, such as tumblr.com, into an IP address, by asking a special server called a Domain Name Server where to find the website you're looking for. A DNS request is made before an HTTP(S) request. Anyone who can read your internet traffic can therefore tell you wanted to go to Tumblr.
But importantly, this only shows the domain name, not the full URL. The rest of the URL, the part after the third slash (the first two slashes being part of http://), is stuff that's interpreted by the server itself and so isn't needed during transport. Therefore, it encrypted and completely unreadable, just like all the content on your page.
I was going to show a Wireshark scan of a web request using HTTP and HTTPS to show you the difference, but this has taken long enough to write as it is, so sorry!
I could probably write more, but it's 1:30am and I'm sleepy. I hope you found some of this interesting and think twice before purchasing a VPN subscription. Again, there are legit good uses for a VPN, but they're not the ones primarily being advertised in VPN ads. It's the fact that VPN ads rely so heavily on false advertising that really grinds my gears and made me want to do this rant. It's especially bad when it comes from somebody I'd think of as technologically competent (naming no names here, but if you've worked in tech and still promote VPNs as a way to keep data safe... no). Feel free to ask questions if you want and hopefully I'll get around to answering any that I feel I know enough to answer.
Nighty night Tumblr. Please update your software. And use a (free) password manager. And enable two factor authentication on all your accounts. But mostly just update your software.
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bitchlessdino · 3 years
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Holiday Blind Hate Pt.1
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Pairing: fem!reader X domestic!dino
Genre: fluff, slight angst, slice of life
Word count: 7.5k
BEWARE OF: blind dates, asshole!chan, sweetheart!seungcheol, awkward!reader, spicy moments, almost smut, horny!reader, lonely!reader, tease!chan, horny!chan, enemies to ???, slice of life, swearing, reader is a fucking simp for seungcheol but who isn’t really?, mentions of sex, not so holiday-esque but it’ll get there i almost forgot i wrote this for the holidays
Summary: All you wanted was your own hallmark romance this Christmas, but it looks like you signed up for more than you asked for when you decided to go on a blind date offered by the one guy you wanted to be on the date with.
author note: I had attempted to making the whole story in one go but there was no way of that happening with adulting so, i bring you the first part of our Christmas special. It don’t feel real that we’re in December. I am ready for the Christmas GOSEs. i thought of this while watching a recent Christmas movie that came out on Netflix and thought fuck yeah i’ll write a Christmas love story. let’s be honest these things are a lot of energy. Thank you for being patient guys.
Chapters - [2] [3] (COMPLETE)
You played with your fingers until the sun went down. The weather was way below freezing level but you were sweating buckets. Nothing else was exciting you more than this night. This was the night that Seungcheol was finally going to officially ask you to be his girlfriend. You only waited for this since Mixer Night a year ago when he asked you to dance after your boyfriend had dumped you suddenly. He’s taken care of you along since then: making sure you're okay, making sure you’re fed, and seeing that you don’t feel left out. None of it felt like things guys normally did for someone that was considered just a friend.
Your eyes were glued on him this entire night at the company Thanksgiving party. You only half listened to the things coming out of Sandra’s mouth, while trying to make out the words that came out of Seungcheol’s. Was he talking about, was he thinking about you, was he as nervous as you are right now?
Through the grapevine, you had heard that he had something to ask you, specifically something that would benefit you. You couldn’t stop thinking about it. You contemplated it over more than enough times and only came up with the one conclusion it could likely be.
You finally met his eyes. He smiled in your direction and gave a subtle wave. You waved back, also a smile on your face. You see him start to head in your direction. You find yourself straightening out your skirt and flattening out the wrinkles of your dress shirt. You gave Sandra a half-assed excuse to leave and fall in the line of Seungcheol.
“Hi. How are you enjoying the party?” he asks, sporting a glass of red wine in his hand.
You shrugged. “Well, it’s as fun as you make it really. Are you enjoying yourself?”
“Anything’s fun with a bit of alcohol.”
You raised your own glass. “I’ll drink to that.”
Your glasses clinked together and you each took a sip.
You silently waited. Unsure how to move the conversation along without you talking about things like the weather or getting excited for things like casual Fridays. Stimulating conversations were never really your strong suit. Seungcheol had an easier relationship with words. “Do you wanna talk in a place less crowded?”
“Sure.”
You followed him to a more quiet area of the pub, ensuring your privacy. It was satisfying hearing voices fade into the background. You were reassured knowing that you had the moment alone with Seungcheol with a low chance of being interrupted. “I wanted to talk to you privately about something.”
“Sure. What is it?”
You take a seat in the booth and he follows, sitting across from you. You rest not so easy on the cushion seats, anticipating his next words. He sat in front of you, seemingly equally nervous, at least that's what it looked like. “Y/n. We’ve known each other for a while, so I know how you are. You’re a great person.”
You smiled. You had been talking to Seungcheol a while and he has quickly become the person you’re most close to. He had this personality that just made you spill your guts out. Maybe it was because he had more years on him than you did, you trusted the words that came out of his mouth and made you want to grow closer to him. He made you feel warm inside. You were happy to even get to see that cute smile of his that sent you mentally soaring.
You laughed, unsure how to respond. You had never been good with compliments. “Thank you?”
He laughed along with you. “You’re hard working, smart, attractive. Who wouldn’t want to be with someone like you?”
“Where’s this going, Cheol?” You feigned ignorance as blood rushed to your cheeks.
There was a marathon going in your chest and they were all Usain Bolt. Suppressing the pressure with light pats to your thigh, stabilizing yourself. It didn't help that you’ve had something to drink. You weren't normally a lightweight but being in the presence of nerves was something that made you feel helpless as you were impatient with him to get to the point.
“Y/n. I can’t say enough how amazing of a person you are and deserve someone to treat you that way. So…”
You bit your lip, your anticipation at its peak. “Yes?”
“How would you like...to be set up with someone?”
The tapping stopped. You stared blankly back at him, taken back. The question was far from anything you expected.
“Like a blind date?”
He nodded eagerly. “Exactly. For as long as I’ve known you, I always thought you and this person would be really great together.”
Disbelief was a huge understatement. Your heart was just shattered into a million pisces and you were basically rejected without even a chance of getting the words out. You didn't know whether you were more heartbroken by the fact that the guy you’re interested in wasn’t interested like you were into him or embarrassed by the fact that you expected him to confirm those feelings to you like some dumb lovestruck school girl.
You bit your tongue. “I see.”
“He’s a great guy. You guys have similar values, he’s someone that can take care of you but isn’t overbearing. I can vouch for him, I’ve known him for years.”
“Right.” You nodded absentmindedly.
“So, how about it?”
You didn’t know what prompted him to think you’d want to be in any relationship with anyone besides him. You thought he knew you like the back of his hand. Of course, you didn’t want to go on this date. It was him you wanted to be dating not anyone else.
His eyes glistened as if they had been bathing in the moon. His smile lit up in the dark atmosphere of the bar. He is such a beautiful man, but instead of being happy that you have his full attention, all you think about is how he can look at you like that and not reciprocate your feelings. Did he look at other people like this? If this is how he is with you, how did he look at someone he’s in love with?
“Seungcheol,” you answered hesitantly, “I don’t really know about having a blind date.”
He gave you a reassuring smile and placed a comforting hand on yours. “Y/n. Have I ever steered you wrong? I wouldn’t set you up with just anyone if I didn’t think they’d make you happy.”
You gave him a polite smile, internally stirring a new kind of anxiety. “Um, sure. I’ll give it a shot.”
He gave a signature gummy smile. “Great. I’ll text you the details.”
There wasn’t any reason you had to be looking forward to the date. Seungcheol had a completely different plan from what you had in mind when he had plans to talk to you. Nevertheless, you headed to the venue and dressed yourself accordingly. Even if it had to be a date with someone other than the one you wanted, it was Seungcheol who planned it. You were at least going to meet them. You’ll just go on the date, say you’re incompatible, and go back to your normal lives.
The date took place in a middle-in-the road restaurant. Nothing too expensive like an upscale restaurant or cheap like a fast food chain. Seungcheol recommended it. Saying it’s a place you’d like and that your date already enjoys. You fidgeted with your phone in your hand, seated earlier than the appointed time, wanting the date to end as soon as it starts.
The entrance of the restaurant was pushed open, followed by the ring of a bell. You looked up from your phone and recognized his face almost instantly, turning you sour. The individual was seen talking to the hostess, likely asking for a table and you started praying to all the gods that you were wrong about him being your date tonight. Head cowering, you desperately hoped he wouldn’t dare approach your table. Hardly a beat later, you heard a knock at your table.
You looked up from your lap and let out an expression of distaste followed by a sigh. “I really hoped that it wouldn’t be you.”
The man took a seat across from you, an expression matching yours. “That makes two of us.”
You gave an unimpressed grin. “You’re supposed to be the one that he was so excited for me to meet?”
“Oh, like you're such a catch? What was Cheol hyung thinking?” He drank the water already provided at the table.
“How do you know Seongcheol anyway? Surely not by your awful circle of friends.” You crossed your arms, repelled by his sudden appearance.
“Not like it’s any of your business,” he started knowingly, “but he’s my step-brother.”
“Oh, so he pities you,” You retorted, earning a sneer from him, “or he’s sick of you and wants you to be someone else's responsibility.”
He rolled his eyes in response. “Yeah, because you’re great company.”
The man before you was not a simple man but a simpleton. From your sorority girl days, his frat house and your house were inseparable. His girlfriend at the time lived in the same house you did. Unlike the oath all girls of Alpha Sigma Phi recited almost everyday of being a friendly neighbor and role model, she made your stay hell. The guy, being obsessed with his girlfriend, followed her every order, contributing to your leave of the organization.
“What are you even doing here, Chan? What happened to Hana? I thought you two would be off buying matching human souls together.” You comment with a snide smile.
He gave you another hard eye roll. “It wasn’t obvious we broke up. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here.”
Interesting. The lap dog had lost his owner, and by the looks of it, he got the shorter end of the stick seeing how bitter he reacted. “Fine, I’ll bite. Why’d you two break up? You were annoyingly perfect together.”
“Well, she thought she’d be perfect with someone else.”
There was a sense of tension when he spoke. He was clearly still shaken up by the end of his past relationship and had trouble getting accustomed to being away from her. To find out the end was caused by Hana’s lack of fidelity makes Chan continuously wonder what he had done wrong in the relationship.
“Wow. I’m almost sorry.”
Chan was quiet, almost as if lost in his own thoughts. “Yeah.”
He had the look of a kicked puppy. As far as you know about him, he was always known as Hana’s loyal boyfriend. She had him wrapped around her always perfectly manicured finger, making him bend at her will. Now he shrunk at even the brief mention of his ex-girlfriend he dedicated years to.
You leaned over at him with sympathetic eyes. “Dude, look. If she cheated on you, she wasn’t a good person to begin with. You’re better off.”
He stared down at his lap, ashamed to meet your eyes. “The last thing I wanted was someone to pity me. Especially by you.”
“Okay, well fuck you too.” You began to get out of your seat, annoyed that you even bothered feeling any other of feeling other than rage for this jerk, and threw your purse over your shoulder.
Your feet left the table and headed towards the nearest exit until a hand wrapped around your wrist, preventing you from taking a step further. You turned to see Chan’s eyes still buried down on his lap, intentionally hiding his vulnerability. His grip was weak and almost lifeless, but it grew determined as he tightened around your wrist.
“I don’t want someone to feel sorry for me, but I do need a distraction. I know you hate me but you could at least give me that. Seongcheol probably did what he could to get us together and I know he'd be really disappointed if I didn't at least have dinner with you after I trapped myself in the house for months. So please...stay.”
You didn’t respond, but you did retreat back to your seat. He meets your eyes, an incoherent expression from his face, as he straightens up in his seat and regains his composure. He tried to paint a more appropriate expression, an attempt to conceal the emotions he’d been walling for who knows how long. You watched him struggle, an almost painful sight to witness, but said nothing. 
“Just keep me company for an hour or two and I’ll leave you alone.” He pleaded.
You crossed your arms, observing the timid creature in front of you, seemingly different from the asshole you knew him to be. “You respect him a lot, huh? Seungcheol’s good to you?”
“He’s my brother, blood or not. I know him. I’m sure he has his reasons why he paired us together.”
“Okay then,” you grabbed the menu left untouched from the table and scanned it’s contents, “Let’s eat shall we.”
You and Chan kept talking to a minimum until after the waitress took your order. He didn’t make too much of an effort to talk, knowing it wouldn’t make much of a difference in his mood. He could not have looked forward to this date more than he already did at this moment. It was enough knowing that his own brother found him pathetic enough to push him into a social situation he wasn’t ready for but it had to be in the same setting with someone from his past.
“So, Seungcheol says you go here often? Any reason why?” You interrupted the silence, knowing what you hated more than small talk was awkward silences.
“We’ve been going to this place since I was twelve,” his fork stirred over his near full plate, “Around the same time our parents got married. It’s his favorite place too.”
You hummed in acknowledgement. “It’s pretty good here. I can see how you like it.”
You were met with more silence, digging your nails in the flesh of your thigh to keep you preoccupied by some sort of sensation even if it was physically painful.
“You guys work together,” Chan managed to breath out, “right?”
You nodded, relieved. “We’re in the same department, we worked closely for a few projects and we got close that way. He said I reminded him of someone, so he even has lunch with me sometimes.”
Chan let out a slight smile. “Sounds like him. He was the youngest before his siblings went off and did their own thing and then got used to taking care of me and my siblings. He knew what it was like to be left out so he didn’t want that to be that way for anyone else.”
“He sounds like a good brother.” You responded, imagining Seungcheol cooking for a bunch of tiny versions of himself.
“He is.” Chan continued to consume his dinner, his mood lightened at the thought of his kind hearted older sibling.
Seungcheol is a good older brother. He may have set Chan up with the worst possible person for the date, but he was a good brother nonetheless. It was true that he’s hardly steer Cahn wrong and maybe this situation didn’t have to fall in the rare category of things going wrong. At least that’s what Chan was hoping for.
“That sounds nice. I was an only child so I never had someone to take care of me besides my parents, but it really would’ve been nice to have one sibling, older or younger.” You cut a piece of dinner with plans of consumption.
“That’s why you like Seongcheol.”
Instead you choked, coughing and pounding your chest as the boy in front of you stared in horror. You grabbed the glass of water in front of you and slid the food down your throat, slowing down your heart rate. Chan concerned looked over at you.
“God, are you okay?”
You frantically nodded, taking deep breaths before you went back to state you were before that incident happened. “I’m fine. Y-you were saying?”
“I was saying, that's probably why you get along with him. Because he’s so nice and unnecessarily nurturing.”
You hummed in agreement, still shaken up. Realizing quickly that Chan likely meant that you liked him around as a friend.
“Okay, that looked like a cliché taken-a-back choking in public if I ever saw one,” From this statement alone, Chan realized he was watching too many romcoms alone by himself, “You’re into him, aren’t you?”
You froze. It's your turn to stare down at your lap. There was no way you were going to face the reality in front of you willingly without a fight. “Please don’t tell him. I’m embarrassed as is.”
“Why the hell did you say you’d go on this stupid date?”
You shut your eyes, groaning uncomfortably, “Can you not lecture me right now?”
“You like him, why would you say yes to a date he planned for you and someone else?”
You sighed, “Yes, I like him and yes I said I’d go on this date, but can you blame me. You know first hand how much you don’t want to disappoint Seungcheol.”
It was the first time you admitted it to another person. Honestly, It was a relief hearing it in out loud. You didn’t have any close friends that stuck around until the one person that talked to you frequently was the one person you couldn’t admit your feelings to.
“Do you want my help?”
You met his eyes, expecting some sort of public mocking but was met with sincerity. You sensed honesty in his eyes and that was an expression you were quite familiar with. It was a look that you saw a lot in Seungcheol. They may not be biologically related, but Chan exhibited a lot more of Seungcheol than you expected to see.
“Why would you help me?”
“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have something in exchange.” He admitted.
“Okay, What do you want?” You eyed him suspiciously.
He grinned. “You’re familiar with Hana.”
You glared back at him, confused. “No. There’s no way you want to get back with her after she cheated.”
“More like I wanna get back at her,” he corrected, “Show her that she'll really regret letting me go.”
Intrigued, you urged him to continue. “How exactly?”
“You be my girlfriend for the holidays,” he stated plainly, “We take cute pictures for Instagram for her to see and get her jealous to the point she regrets ever cheating on me.”
“This is pretty petty. Even for you.”
“I’m not hearing a no.” He pointed out.
“What makes you think she’ll be convinced we’re together?”
He gave you a knowing smile. “She’ll believe, trust me. Plus I know there’s nothing more infuriating than seeing your ex with someone she knows, especially someone she hates.”
“Okay, wait a minute. I’ve never understood this. Why does she hate me? I gave her no reason to.”
Hana was cruel to you beyond belief, constantly making your residential life a personal hell with no break. You can’t pinpoint any reason that would motivate her that would cause her to torture you to the point of forcing you to leave. Chan may have been a puppet, but Hana was the puppet master with the strings, calculating every move she makes before she makes it.
Chan had to choose his words carefully. He had to speak in a way that didn’t reveal too much. “It wasn’t something so much you did, but how you made her feel. She’s a very...competitive person.”
You continued to be confused. “Okay, then why do you hate me?”
“I don’t...If anything I’m sorry things happened the way they did.”
You hardly had a long enough conversation to know or understand Chan, but he seemed to have some remorse for the things he’s done in the past. You weren’t sure how you felt seeing someone you thought one way turn to this completely empathetic person. It was gonna take a lot more than a guilty conscience for you to completely forgive him, but that didn’t matter at the moment. He was willing to help you and he owed you that much.
“We’ll then. That just means you have a hell of a debt to pay then.”
“Is that a yes then?” His eyebrow quirked up.
“If I have any chance with Seungcheol, you’re my best bet, but just how are we going to eventually end things when I get him to actually want to be with me?”
He shrugged, “We’ll just say we were in the talking stages and found that we were better off friends. Simple as that.”
You nodded, hearing the plan all come together. “So how do we start?”
“We can start by planning our next date.”
After the first date, you and Chan had kept in contact. Numbers were exchanged that day and you had to make sure the contact names matched up. Couples always had annoyingly cute matching nicknames for each other and that was a great start. You both agreed it would be best that you’d kept each other updated on important personal details that would make the relationship look more realistic.
It’s been a week since then and you have managed to avoid Seungcheol with excuses of being busy. Although disappointed wanting to hear the details of your date, he understandably left you alone. It was hard to see him walking away from you, but you head to deal with this matter of your feelings alone this time, hopefully with some of Chan’s help.
You occupied those empty times of day with planning. You managed to get lost in Chan’s background, stunned with all the new kind of information you found. Interesting enough, he seemed to be doing really well. After graduating, his connections worked out as he found himself working as real estate agent for one of the finest real estate companies in the country making revenue up to $3.2 billion in sales as of this year as mentioned in Forbes magazine for this month as the one of the fastest growing new companies.
You were impressed. You really didn’t know much about Chan besides what you learned from attending the same college. He came far for someone in your peer group that mainly consisted of long-term students, drop outs, or the rare young adult professionals that’s set out for success. You were learning a lot about Chan and overwhelming fast.
“Why real estate? All you need is a license.”
Chan laid sprawled out on your couch with his phone, playing a game on his phone as he stuffed himself with your pantry snacks. “Real estate gave me the time to do my hobbies, like working out or reading. I chose my hours and because I’m good at my job, I didn’t have much to worry about, like working consistently.”
You nodded in respect, understanding where he was coming from. Opposite to him, you sat crouched over to look at your laptop and took notes.
“You majored in dance.”
“I also minored in business administration.” He added.
You were flabbergasted. “How did the school board even approve your curriculum?”
“It’s called being part of a major fraternity house and having a 3.8 GPA. Plus, colleges love smart, creative people.” he answered with a cheeky grin.
You rolled your eyes at his pretentious words, continuing to scan through his list of personal information. “So why exactly did you major in dance?”
“Like everyone else, I had dreams too, ok.” he admitted.
It was once again the weekend and between texting each other details back and forth, you two decided to have your next ‘date’ in your house to discuss the details of your plan, courtesy of the awful weather forecasted that day. You suggested your apartment for the time being, not thinking much of it, and Chan didn’t seem to mind much either. It was less of a clean up on his end. Luckily he lived so close by he didn’t find it a hassle to come over.
“You’re one to talk,” He retorted, “Who's gonna believe you were Prom Queen?”
You sighed, involuntarily reliving the embarrassing memory. “I was prom queen. It was a pity vote. It was the same year I tore my ACL trying out for cheerleading.”
He cringed. “Oh, word? Sorry.”
You pressed your lips in a firm line. “It was the first and last time I tried to join anything active. It was my senior year and I needed diversity in my resume. I didn’t make the team or to the exit alone, but it made a hell of a paper though.”
Chan looked over at you dubiously from his position on the couch. “No offense, but how did that make it as a paper? People get sports injuries all the time.”
“You ever embarrass yourself in front of half the school and have it broadcasted to everyone you know? I lived in a small town, it was even on the local news.” You spoke in a monotone voice, staring off into nothing as if you were already dead.
Chan winched on your behalf. “At least there was a prom king right?”
“Yeah, he drank the spiked punch and threw up on my shoes.”
“Why are you telling me all this?” His cheeks burning from the second hand embarrassment.
You thought to yourself briefly, wondering why you were telling him all this. It’s not like he was close to you in that way, nor did you have the history that permitted you this kind of behavior towards him. Ever since you confessed to him your feelings for his brother, it made it easier to tell him these kinds of things, like he was taking Seungcheol’s place for the time being.
“Hmm, I guess I kind of liked the idea of having someone to tell this to. I never really had friends before, and the one friend I do have, I happened to like. He’s  like a double edge sword. So, it’s kind of nice to just get to talk without thinking about the consequences. I don’t feel so alone.”
Chan probably hasn’t felt more sorry for someone until meeting you recently. If he has already been feeling guilty these past years for bullying you in your late teens, imagine him learning that he was kicking someone that was already down. He was surprised by his actions even then, but he was so blinded by love, he felt it didn’t matter what happened as long as things turned right for him he supposed. What a waste that all was.
“Damn, I’m sorry.”
You looked over at the man suddenly straightening up his posture and placing his phone on the coffee table. Chan looked over at you with warm eyes. “I guess I didn’t make it any better, did I?”
“If anything, you kind of did.”
His eyes fixed in confusion, tilting his head to the side, confused what you mean.
“Well,” you softly said, hugging your throw pillow as you grew tired, “You’re here now. Of course, I don’t completely forgive you, after all you were awful, but things are nice. At least for now.”
He nodded politely, a small smile on his face. He didn’t deserve to be forgiven, you were right about that, but he’s hoping one day you will. And by that time, he would’ve made it up to you. You were a reasonable person, Chan thought. You were someone that Seungcheol hyung should’ve definitely noticed by now. He wondered why that was yet the case.
You felt as if you were drifting, enveloped by the warmth of your own fatigue. You had been working all day and here you were back on a screen, your eyelids sinking despite the bright document window. You yawned, catching Chan’s attention, and your body started to slumped over the couch in an all too comfortable position. You tried to manage staying awake, but to no avail, you eventually succumbed to desire and soft, sleepy sighs could be heard.
Chan’s face softened, noticing your dreamy state. He grabbed the nearby throw blanket and spread it across your body. You cuddled towards the warm, involuntarily smiling. He chuckled, silently admiring how cute you can be when you’re quiet. You had a nice smile, he thought, it was refreshing considering you were frowning or apathetically glazing in his direction the majority of the time, even now. It made him curious about the life you lived.
He found himself wandering about your home, gradually noticing the little trinkets that you kept around. One in particular was a picture of you and your family. You, at the time, were the typical adolescent with the acne and awkward braces to match. You had the look of someone that didn’t want to be in the photo, but of course you had to. You were the golden only child to a loving family after all.
He suppressed his own laughter, reminded of his own teenage years. He remembered wanting nothing more than to avoid all kinds of family photos, fearing pictures getting out of his own embarrassing history of bad haircuts and thick glasses. He regretted his actions much later on when he realized how jealous he got when his younger siblings started getting more attention. You, however, had that much of a different upbringing. Having no siblings and a childhood where you didn’t have many friends must’ve been really hard on you. His heart sank once again that night for you.
“How lonely.”
“Who’s lonely?”
You rose from your nap, disturbed by rustling. You blinked through your tired eyes and they landed on the photo frame in Chan’s hands. Your eyes widened and you immediately ran in his direction. The man retaliated by bringing the frame up in the air, far from your reach. The moment you moved in use of the top of your toes, he followed, making it harder for you to get any advantage.
“Come on, Chan. You know that’s not yours!”
“It’s normal for me to want to know what my girlfriend looked like before I met her,” He teased.
You felt yourself slip from your rug beneath your feet. Before you could fall backward, Chan managed to catch you up with a hand around your torso, the other clutching the picture frame. He pulled you in, chest to chest, as you met his worried eyes. You clutched against his shirt, gulping at the sight of his face suddenly so close.
“I-I told you to give it, d-didn’t I?”
His concern faded as he watched your face erupt a bright hue. “Your face is really red.”
“Just put it back where you found it.” You urged him.
He swung the picture over your heads, insisted of having control, all while still embracing you in full form, “Why are you so scared about me finding an old picture of you?”
“It’s embarrassing.”
“What about it is embarrassing?” He prodded.
“You’ve seen it.”
“Yeah, and? It’s cute.”
“Whatever.” You make another attempt to grab it from Chan, hopefully getting a better advantage, but to no avail, he was bigger and stronger than you. His grip is stronger against your body, your face too close for comfort.
“Let go, Chan.”
His tongue poked tauntingly out of the corner of his lips. “You let go first, Y/n.”
You could feel breath hit your lips. You’d be lying if you said the subtle movement didn’t make your heart skip a beat. Chan was admittedly an attractive man. It made you think back in college before you formally met him how you’d occasionally observed him when he happened to be nearby. He was popular, as if that wasn’t obvious, and had this unique look that allured the gazes of others. His 24/7 bedroom eyes were extraordinarily captivating, while that boyish smile had others falling at his feet, of course you were gonna look at him. Chan just had that effect on people.
“You realize you have no effect on me.” You lied through your teeth.
He tilted his head curiously, quickly seeing through your ruse. “Your eyes say otherwise.”
You raised an eyebrow, “Whatever you think they’re saying, I’m sure you're wrong.”
“Oh, yeah?”
His nose ghosted over yours. His digits playfully traced over your arm. He had a sweet smile on his face that conveyed anything but naivety. “And if I kiss you right here, you don’t think you’ll kiss back?”
Your heart beat heightened and felt the slightest tension form in the secrecy of your undergarments. Chan was either very good at getting you aroused, or maybe you were reacting this way in response to the neglect of your personal sex life. Either way, you weren’t falling for whatever he had planned.
“Unlike you, I have self control.” You rebutted.
“Want to test that?”
You rolled your eyes, pushing him away from you. You had enough going on as is, the last thing you needed was a hot guy on the rebound down your pants when you’re busy thinking about his brother. “Keep the goddamn photo for all I care.”
He giggled. “Don’t pretend like you weren’t tempted.”
You subtly fumed in his direction, annoyed at how quickly he almost got you to flip like that. “I need food, I’m hungry.”
“I bet you are.”
You've both been meeting like that every few days, occasionally getting cheap dinner. His effortlessly flirting had no end, him insisting this was necessary for you to act realistically affectionate in public situations. You were now getting used to his company and in turn getting less uncomfortable with Seungcheol.
“Are you ready to talk to me again?”
He approached you with an abundance of food and took the empty office chair next to yours.
You smiled back at the older man with tired eyes. “I’m sorry, Cheol. A lot has been going on.”
“I bet,” he chuckled, “I hear you and Chan are spending a lot more time together.”
You nodded, “He now has full access to my snack stash since finding it, but yeah, we have.”
Seungcheol chuckled at your honesty and handed you a wrapped sandwich he retrieved from the cafeteria. “It’s chicken club, your favorite.”
“Thanks,” you accepted it graciously and unwrapped it to take a bite.
He scooted his chair close to you and he draped his arm over your shoulders, “He is treating you well, I bet?”
You contemplate the words that describe Chan appropriately, “Chan’s a good guy, but for now we’re just feeling things out.”
You felt bad with how you were treating Seungcheol. You never wanted to keep him out of loop like you were doing now, but this time it was necessary. If it wasn’t for Chan's incessant spiritual presence keeping your mind at ease, it would’ve been a lot harder with encountering his brother. You had liked him that much after all.
“I’m glad you’re giving it a chance.”
He left you your sandwich and those words to ponder on. They were seemingly innocent enough, but the way they were said made you believe they carried more weight than you originally perceived. You tried paying it no mind, but like how Seungcheol is, he had a way of making things happen.
There was another night of planning with Chan and on the menu today was Chinese. It was probably the fifth night and he has made himself comfortable in your home to the point of him knowing where things are when he needs them. You've been avoiding sitting close to him, not wanting the same mistake of you finding Lee Chan attractive while in the same proximity as you. He is constantly poking and prodding you to get some sort of reaction, but you planned on staying resilient.
You forked around your chow mein, finding relief in the blissful bites of msg, forgetting all your problems at that moment. Chan, not too far from you at your dining table for two, sneaked quick peaks at you as he indulged in his own meal.
“I needed this.” You exclaimed.
“I thought you cooked. Seungcheol said you cooked.” He jabbed lightheartedly.
“Like I’d let you anywhere near my good produce.”
Chan gave you a sly smile. “Is that’s euphemism, because I could’ve sworn—“
“Shut up.”
Chan let out a burst of hearty laughter, being careful of swallowing his beef and broccoli. “It’s so fun teasing you.”
You swallowed the rest of your dinner and proceeded to grab a drink from the fridge. “You thirsty?”
Chan subdued his laughter enough to answer in that playful tone. “For you?”
“For a drink, jerk.”
“A sprite if you have one.” He erupted in laughter once again.
You tossed a can to him and cracked open yours before landing on the couch. He cleaned up after you both, soon tasting the refreshing citrus flavors and taking a seat parallel to you. You simultaneously drink, content sounds leaving both your lips. Chan glanced over at you, your expression blank and empty.
“You know you’re gonna have to get used to me flirting with you. I am going to be your boyfriend for the holidays.”
“Yeah, well save for Hana. I’m sure she’ll throw a fit.”
His smile died out completely. His face drained of any leftover energy he had that night. “Uh, yeah. Right. Hana.”
You look back at him, apologetic for bringing her up. You place your drink aside and sit up from your spot. “It’s why you’re here, remember? To prove to her how much better you’re doing without her.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s just,” he ran his hand through his undone hair, “I was finally starting to forget her. I’m being fucking stupid.”
You approached him, placing your arms on either side of his shoulders. You didn’t have much experience comforting others but you knew what could comfort you. You proceeded to leave soft pats on either of his shoulders, attempting to regulate the heavy beating in his heart. He leaned in to your chest, fluid brimming his eyes. Regardless of the type of heartbreak, heartbreak is heartbreak. Loving a person once is enough to know understand the pain.
“It’s okay to miss her,” You reassured, “but it’s not okay to feel like shit when you do because we both know it’s not worth it, right?”
He meekly met your eyes. You were staring at him as if there was love in your eyes and he choked up at the sight, seeing something like it for the first time. “Are you sure?”
“Of course.. You’re Lee fucking Chan. Fucking act like it.” Despite your harsh language, your voice was soft and made the man before you stare back at you in awe, tears still in his eyes.
You were typically on the other end of this kind of conversation, but Chan needed it more than you do right now. You had plenty of practice after all.
“What does that even mean?” He asked, choking on his words.
“It means whatever the fuck you want it to mean.”
He harshly brushed the tears out of his face to view you more clearly. Despite all you’ve gone through, you somehow still knew how to put on a brave face. It was a foreign sight, but not at all bad in Chan’s eyes. He didn’t expect to cry tonight, nor did he predict how close he’d be getting to you tonight. After all, all you did with him through text was argue with him over the pettiest details and now he was wondering what was it that made your lips so pretty the way they do.
“Y/n.”
“Are you feeling better, Chan?”
No, he wasn’t. He was emotionally overwhelmed between his ex-girlfriend still somehow having an effect on his well-being and you being the prettiest person he’s ever seen at the dead of night after eating an abundance of greasy food. He was confused if anything. Caught in the moment, perhaps, but he was sure the one prominent thing he had on his mind right now.
“Y/n. Can I kiss you?”
You almost drew back, but instead asked, “Why?”
“For a few seconds…to check something.”
“Chan, I don’t know.” You answered.
He was a vulnerable man if you’ve ever seen one. It didn't matter how good looking he looked even when crying, or how soft he spoke asking you for permission for something less than modest as kissing. He was still hung up on Hana. He’s only feeling estranged right now and you were the next best thing available.
“Please. I think I’ll go crazy if I don’t.”
You could see the desperation in his eyes. Then again at the same time, they were unreadable, as if he himself were lost in his own rollercoaster of emotions. You were stuck between a rock and a very hard place. Between wanting to be a decent person and only comforting Chan the normal way, or giving in to both your desire to connect the way lovers do. In the end, you nodded, late in realizing your body had already made the decision for you.
Chan’s head tilted to the side and you watched as both his eyes fluttered shut before meeting your lips. Your eyes closed at the sensation of his lips hugging around yours, his hands embracing your sides. You tried so hard not to kiss back, but there was just something about Chan that made you melt at his touch. Your hands fell over loosely around his neck. Chan was flushed as the touch of someone new, as if he was discovering the warm sensation of pure intimacy all over again. His hands found their way on your hips and lifted you up to have you straddling his lap, not breaking the kiss for even a second. Your body is hot and indescribable against him.
You were lost with no way to escape. You couldn't stop kissing him if you even tried. You cupped his face, deepening the overwhelming taste. His arms enveloped your body like a blanket. His hands slipping into the locks of your hair, feeling how soft it was against his fingers. The one reoccurring though your head in this moment has his lips. It’s like they were make for you, brilliantly molded to fit yours. He was great at that. He was really great it. The built up tension in your thighs had you grinding against his crotch, almost hypnotized.
You halted your exploration, too stunned to move forward the moment a moan leaves his lips. You parted from him abruptly, noticing how long you may have indulged in something other than dinner tonight. Chan staggered from your sudden release, also realizing how far you both got without stopping until now.
You let out a slight cough. Your body is still flat against his, now gaining balance from the couch. You found it difficult to meet his eye, slightly embarrassed at your excitement. “D-did you figure that t-thing out?”
“Uh, yeah. We should be able to convince her.”
He could only speak of excuses. He was mainly focused on how flustered you look, but he didn't have the energy to taunt you the way he normally does. His gaze fixated on your lips that were swollen from his and he could help be slightly proud.
“Right, this was good,” You nodded quickly, “Very convincing. Hana won’t know what hit her.”
You decided it was the time for the night to end. You walked him to the door and Chan profusely apologized for letting the kiss last longer than it should’ve. You give him the benefit of the doubt, his actions no doubt were caused by his current mental state and the heat of the moment that you also fell victim to.
“Just remember to have half that energy for the wedding.” You mentioned jokingly.
The first public outing was going to be at the wedding at a friend of a friend. When Chan received the invite at the time, he was still in his relationship and since he and Hana. Originally they’d rsvp that they’d have no plus ones since they’d be going together, but that was no longer the case.
“Yeah, right, the wedding. I’ll text you what I’ll be wearing that day so we can match.” He awkwardly laughed.
You both lingered at the door, reluctant on goodbyes after having such an event happen unexpectedly.
“Bye, Chan. Get home safe.”
“You too—I mean, um, stay safe…in your own home. Stranger danger…Oh right, we’re like 25. We should know that by now.”
You watched as he stumbled over his words, chuckling at every word that slipped clumsily from his mouth. “Okay, Chan. I will.”
Before you could close the door, his hand stopped at the wood. His head dipped one last time for a chaste liplock. You instinctively grasped at his shirt as he pressed a hand against the small of your back. He lets you go, savoring the last few moments before he's forced to leave. “Sorry, I just thought I’d see if any more practice was necessary. We’re good.”
He lifted two thumbs up and you laughed enough to the point you had to force yourself to close the door on him. You laid back flat on the door, mentally facepalming yourself for your actions tonight.
“Why did you do that, you idiot...”
207 notes · View notes
dayasbun · 5 years
Text
Fame - Angus Cloud (4)
Summary- a luckily timed audition leads to you falling for your new and unexpected co-star.
Warnings- okay HI welcome to my first multi chapter series woah?! this is actually so exciting for me like wow especially since angus doesn’t have any fics yet im just really really excited- so warnings! smut for sure, bad words, lotsa fluff, angst- everything in one basically. here comes a ride and I hope you enjoy :)
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4 {reading now}
-
“Fuck right there- Oh my god please-” You moaned holding his hair. “You never had anyone eat your pussy like this before right?” he said eating deeper as you moaned and squirmed. “Only you baby, this pussy is only you-”
“Yo wake the fuck up, you making weird noises and shit.”
You sat up taking in a deep breath and inspected your surroundings. There stood a worried Angus with a mug in his hand. “I'm fine...” you said quite unconvincingly.
“You sure? I went to make you some tea and came back to you rolling around and groaning and shit, thought that strange netflix monster had come to you or sum.”
“The demogorgan-”
“Yeah that shit!” He sat next to you on the edge of the bed. “Nightmare?” he asked softly as he handed you the tea.
“Well not exactly...” You took the warm mug and took in a long swig of the warm goodness. It's not like you were just going to openly tell him ‘Oh no, I just had a dream about you eating me out and I loved every second of it.’ “Actually yeah, a nightmare.” you lied.
“I hate those, what was yours about?”
“I...a monster ate me alive and I couldn't stop it.”
Angus shook his head. “Damn mamas, I’m sorry. Those suck, I know its like 2 pm, but let’s eat some breakfast and try to forget about it.”
You nodded standing up and stretching “Thanks...for the tea.”
“Of course, don’t girls love tea? Ion know, I don't really be sleeping with girls that often.” He chuckled walking into the small kitchen.
“Tea is amazing!” You exclaimed, following him and sitting on the counter. “I love tea in all seasons, it has so many benefits.”
“Yeah? What’s some of them benefits.”
“Well green tea has amazing antioxidants, and is a more naturally caffeinated drink than coffee- with not as many negative results. But don't get me wrong, I really do love my coffee- anyway! Tea can help straighten and strengthen bones, brighten your smile, and help you lose weight!!”
“Oh wow.” He laughed “I didn't even care about all that tea shit, just wanted to hear your voice. But it was actually kinda interesting.”
“Yeah- and don't worry about a lack of my voice, I never shut up.”
“You right about that; but before you get all defensive, its aight. I like hearing you blab off about random stuff ion care about.”
You felt your face grow hot as you stifled a giggle that wanted to come out. “Thank you. I think I talk too much, but hey, can't really stop it y’know?” Angus nodded as he cracked 5 eggs into a pan. “You just be going off about stuff- actually you was sleep talking a little bit.”
Fuck.
“Yeah? What was I saying?” you asked innocently, hoping he didn't say what he was most definitely about to say.
“Well it was when you had that nightmare. Was the monster a cow or sum? Cuz you kept saying ‘Angus’ so like.” He turned to look at you “I figure it wasn’t me, but it was probably like...some beef monster.”
“Oh yeah, for sure a beef monster.”
“And that beef monster was eating you huh?”
You smoothly tucked your hair behind your ear and nodded with a sweet smile “Mhm.”
Angus gave you a quick up and down look before turning around and continuing to scramble the eggs. You had to change the current topic or you'd die of embarrassment, so you decided to bring up the topic of the show instead. “Do you know which scenes we’re filming tomorrow?”
“Yeah, no sex scenes until next week. Tomorrow they finna do you coming back and me reminiscing on the old times.”
“Okay cool. I have those lines down, pretty simple...” You mumbled.
“Yeah me too.”
A butcher knife couldn't even cut the tension in the room right now. Fuck, a chainsaw couldn't either.
“So like... I’m gonna go change and I'll be right back? Sound good?”
“You can wear summa my stuff. If you want- you don’t got to i'm just offering.”
“Oh that'd be great thanks! You know my trailer is just so far away!” You joked, knowing that it was only next door. You hopped off of the counter and followed him back into the room you two had just come out of.
“You just want one big shirt? Girls be doing that alot nowadays.”
“Yeah, thanks that'd be great...”
“So the biggest shirt I got got some barbecue stains on it- ignore it. I just went off on some spicy wings the other day-”
You burst out laughing and sat on the bed “Gus it’s fine, gimme!” You pulled your shirt off and held out your hands. He turned back around to find you only in your bra and shorts.
“Yooooo-”
“Its fine, we have to be completely naked with each other next week. Titties are just titties.” You took the shirt out of his hands and put it on. After pulling off the shorts that you wore underneath the shirt; that was more like a dress- and folding them, you walked back into the kitchen and reclaimed your spot on the counter.
“Well I know one problem we won't have!” You stated with a smirk.
“Yeah, and what's that?”
“Drake was worried you wouldn't be able to ‘get it up’...but honestly, I don’t think it'll be too hard.”
“Why you think that?”
“Look down.”
Sure, Angus wouldn't let you live down the wet dream you had about him for quite a while, but you'd never let him live down the boner he got- just from seeing you in a bra.
+
“So. Let's get to the real real.” Storm said pulling her knees up to her chest with a grin. “What the hell is going on with you and Angus?”
You, Storm and Daya were hanging in your trailer. You three were the only girls that didn't have scenes to film right now, Alexia, Barbie and the rest of the female cast were shooting night scenes. They had helped you set up the place to seem more homey, and now the newly formed trio you were a part of was in your bed with microwave popcorn, juicy juice, and twizzlers.
“Nothing Storm! Actually nothing I-”
“Nope, don't do that.” Z quickly cut you off. “Everyone can see it, it’s like what everyone on set talks about.”
“What?-”
“Plus, he talks about you too much, and you do the same with him! Earlier I said I wanted to pop some microwave popcorn and you started telling me about some conspiracy he told you about popcorn and microwaves, how they’re a secret way in for the government- like girl! Don't tell me you're so whipped that you're out here believing this stuff!”
“OKAY! Okay! I get it...look Gus is-”
“Gus?! You call him Gus?”
“Yeah?-”
“He literally hates that nickname with a passion. He gotta love you.” Storm chuckled grabbing a handful of popcorn.
“Okay well Angus is cute. He’s sweet and funny and caring- BUT. I won’t let anything happen between us, it’s like...business. This field is acting- and I don't think it would be good for us to do anything more, especially during filming.”
Z sighed. “Falling for your costars is weird.”
“Yeah.” Storm chimed in. “Our girl Daya been there and done that...but it never really affected her acting. She's so talented that she could keep it hidden off screen and focus on her character. I mean I know you talented Y/N...but you not my big sis like Z, so I don't really know how you'd be able to deal with it yet. Drake already seemed a bit iffy about it because he could tell you two had a little something going, but the thing comforting him is y'all are talented. So he knows you can do it- I know you can too.”
“Yeah he sent us a letter about it...it's just hard. I can't lose this role, I've come so far.”
“I don't think you’ll lose it. I think you'll be fine. Just keep a business mindset when on set. What goes on off screen and behind closed doors is your business, girl. Drake or nobody can stop that- Jesus can't even stop that!”
You and Storm giggled at Zendaya’s last comment. “Yeah yeah yeah...okay I get it guys. I got this- period.”
“Period.”
“Period...So were you one of those girls that watched all the Fez scene compilations on Youtube and drooled?” Storm teased you.
“No!” You said firmly, knowing you were lying.
“Oh she definitely was.”
“I wasn't!”
“I just don't see it! Angus is just not attractive to me, he looks like one of those guys that stop you at the gas station with a ghetto ass group of friends- he rubs his hands together and then screams ‘Hey baby lemme get yo numbaaaa!!!!’“
In response, you practically fell over laughing “Stoppp no!”
The rest of the night was filled with giggles and whispers, and by 1 AM, you, Z, and Storm were all huddled up in your little twin trailer bed. They snored softly but you couldn't seem to sleep. Just as you were .1 seconds away from drifting off, your phone buzzed next to you.
Angus☁️: u uppppp
-oh wow yeah that's not the most fboy thing ever to send at 1:27 am
Angus☁️:  see all you had to say was yes you didn't have to do allat
-can i help you mr cloud
Angus☁️: what typa help you offering?
-whatever help you need.
Angus☁️: you finna have some more beef dreams tonight?
-you finna get a boner if you see me in my bra again?
Angus☁️: maybe.
-then i'll say maybe too.
Angus☁️: you're too much
-i know i am, did you film today?
Angus☁️: ye i had some scenes wit jacob
-wit
Angus☁️: leave me alone
-you texted me
-and wow you sound really mature rn not at all like a five year old
Angus☁️: if i was w you rn id make you regret that
-was that supposed to be a threat or a way to try to make me sext
Angus☁️: both
-you should go text all the hoes you have waiting for you at home
Angus☁️: im texting them at the same time
-boy...
Angus☁️: im plAyin
Angus☁️: only you :)
-getting soft???
Angus☁️: no and i wish this was instagram dms so i could unsend it fuck
-fuck
Angus☁️: thats another thing you was saying during your ‘nightmare’
-STOP NO I WAS NOT
Angus☁️: yeah i know you wasnt lmao i just like messing w you
-you can mess w me whenever you want to
Angus☁️: oh bet????
-goodnight angus
Angus☁️: nah i want you to tell me about me messing w you
Angus☁️: damn you really left
Angus☁️: thats wrong 
Angus☁️: doing me dirty
-GTS MY PHONE KEEPS GOING OFF
Angus☁️: then put it on silent?
-NO
Angus☁️: ill stop being annoying if you come over here
-i cant, im w z and storm too
Angus☁️: shit okay well it was worth a shot
-why, what was you planning to do
Angus☁️: cuddle
-its fr time for you to go bed, i think your sleepiness is making you too soft and taking the hood away
Angus☁️: goodnight
-goodnight
Angus☁️: gn
-gn
Angus☁️: night
-night
Angus☁️: GOODNIGHT
-OKAY GN
Angus☁️: STOP REPLYING
Angus☁️: night
-
taglist:
@nikkixostan @melaninmarvel @celiajrs @siriuslycollins
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theouijagirl · 5 years
Note
I've going through a depressive stage in my life again. Depression never really goes away, does it? and at times it's worse than other times. How do you cope and what do you do when you're depressed more than usual? I can't afford antidepressants.
Yeah I can’t afford antidepressants either. It’s tough but you can survive it.
1) Have someone you can talk to about it. This is the most important thing to have. Depression tells you really often that nobody cares about you, and it’s one of its many lies. Just opening up about it to someone you trust can have huge benefits. If you don’t have anyone, you have me.
2) Don’t listen to your depression. All it does is spew lies. Everything that it tells you: that you’re worthless, that you don’t deserve happiness, that nobody cares about you, that you may as well just quit, is all lies. It took me a few years to figure that out, and once I did, I felt so free. 
3) Get up. Honestly just getting out of bed and doing something, anything, can be really beneficial. As long as it is safe and healthy for you, just get up and do it.
4) Set little goals for yourself. If your goal for the day is just to brush your teeth, then just brush your teeth and don’t worry about anything else. But once you master one little goal, set another, then another, until you have a bunch of little goals for yourself that you can start to complete every day. And if you miss a goal one day, that’s fine, it’s not the end of the world, it just means that you can do it another day.
5) Find a hobby that forces you to go outside. When I was really, really bad I started getting into NHL hockey, and even when I didn’t want to, I would make myself go out to games, and I would have the best time. A hobby you can quietly do at home is one thing, but one that makes you get out and interact with people you don’t know has some really great benefits. The other one I’m into right now is Pokemon GO. Like, I could just spend the rest of the day lying in bed watching Netflix, but Raid Hour starts soon, and it means I get to go hang out downtown with other local players and chat and hunt with them. That human interaction, even if it’s with kind strangers, can change your entire day.
6) When you’re not able to get out for whatever reason, find something that makes you feel really happy and stick with it. And I don’t mean going down some YouTube hole about Titanic documentaries or whatever, but something that genuinely puts a smile on your face every time and makes you feel elated. For me that’s the Kpop group TWICE. I have a playlist just for moments when I’m feeling really down, and every time it makes me radiate happiness and I can’t wipe my smile off my face.
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graphicallysam · 7 years
Conversation
Text 📱Royce Jones
Royce: why didn't you tell me you were a wizard?
Sam: ?
Royce: You clearly have my sister under some kind of spell
Sam: I didn't even ask her to come. She just appeared!
Royce: Uh-huh. Y'all two are ridiculous.
Sam: What do you mean? We're just chilling and watching Netflix.
Royce: I choose to believe that because I don't want to know.
Sam: Yeah, it's probably better than you don't.  😚
Royce: So are you two together now or what?
Sam: No, we're just friends.
Royce: Because this is some suspicious activity
Royce: Man, you trying to do friends with benefits with my sister?
Sam: I would never pull that with her.
Royce: So you two are back to being geeky besties. But that's it?
Royce: Except, that ain't ALL y'all are
Sam: It is all we are. It's all both of us want. You know how I feel about your sister.
Royce: And I know how my sister feels about you, too. She wouldn't get on a plane like that for just any friend.
Sam: Yes, she would
Royce: This wasn't a need situation. She just up and dropped by like she was in the next town over.
Royce: Just be careful. That heart of hers still has a huge chunk that belongs to you
Sam: She was about to marry someone else! I don't think that that's true.
Royce: But she didn't. We all knew that was going to self destruct at some point
Sam: I think you aren't thinking clearly. It's really not like that between us.
Royce: Hey, whatever works for y'all. No judgement zone here
Sam: I know my place in her life. I'm good.
Royce: That is a weird statement, just so you're aware, lol
Sam: How is it weird?
Royce: Your place? Like...does she have you in a time out corner in her life?
Sam: No, I mean I'm just her friend Sam.
Royce: ...ok. Does she know her place in yours then?
Sam: I feel like you're asking me that because you think it's different than just being friends.
Royce: Nope. If you two both have the same understanding, it's good. I'm just looking out, because Cedes might catch feelings again, that's all.
Sam: No, it's me that can't seem to let her go. I'm working on it tho.
Royce: I'mma keep my mouth shut on ALL that
Sam: Since when do you keep your mouth shut ever?
Royce: Since I don't want my sister kicking my ass and my friend cussin' at me in that southern twang
Sam: Just say it.
Royce: You remember that Mariah Carey song "We Belong Together"? That's is y'alls theme song.
Sam: You can't belong with someone who doesn't want the same life that you do.
Royce: HAH! That's funny. You make it sound like you're a cop and she's a felon or something
Sam: More like she wants to be famous, and I don't.
Royce: No one said you had to be famous. But I guess it's the whole lifestyle that you think doesn't fit? She's going fast while you just like the slow and steady thing?
Sam: It is the whole lifestyle of it. She'll be traveling all of the time.
Royce: I get it. You want a girl that you can come home to.
Sam: Exactly
Royce: Heart wants what it wants man, I know you'll get your dream girl soon. I'm kinda surprised you ain't married already
Sam: I've never really been in love since...
Royce: Why not? I know you've had plenty of opportunities. Ladies love Sam the Man, lol
Sam: No one has ever made me feel like Mercedes. Like I can't even remember the last time looking at a girl made me feel like half of what I felt with her. Shouldn't I wait for the real thing?
Royce: Of course you should. But you also have to stop looking for lightning to strike twice. But you also can't fake it either, you can ask her about that.
Sam: Her and Puck had nothing to do with me.
Royce: Not directly.
Sam: Not at all
Royce: Okay. Maybe you need an older woman? Not like OLD, but one all ready to settle down and be the one.
Sam: Maybe. I'm not really in the mood to look tho. It'll happen when it happens.
Royce: Valid point. I like to look at all the menu options myself, but we all know I'm a thot  😂
Sam: You're a huge thot.
Royce: I am. Too many ladies to just settle on one. I needs my freedom!
Sam: You're ridiculous, but I'm gonna stop ignoring your sister to talk to you. Bye thot.
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