#but it's good now. the jawline is sharp enough to grate cheese. just like i wanted

[lotus-pear]

maturing is realizing alhaitham is actually an attractive and relatable character

[iwasnthere622]

Hi My Name Is... (Ch. 1)

AO3 Link

Jason woke up to her alarm going off for school and immediately wished she hadn't. Her body was too big and sharp angles and aroused and the overwhelming sense of wrongness made it hard for her to get out of bed.

She forced herself up, knowing it'd be worse if her parents came to see why she wasn't up yet, dragging her feet to the bathroom and stripping out of her sleep clothes. She stared at her naked body in the full length mirror on the back of the door and cataloged every way that it was wrong.

Strong jawline, Adam's apple, broad chest, flat chest, non-existent hips, lean thighs, hair everywhere, too-big hands... eyes skittering over her junk, unable to even look at it, feeling useless tears well in her eyes and swiping angrily at her face.

Suck it up, she ordered herself.

She got dressed, avoiding her own eyes in the mirror as she brushed her teeth, sitting to pee and wanting to cry, shoving everything aside and heading downstairs.

Jason was never much of a morning person, so thankfully her parents left her alone, eating a granola bar because she didn't have the energy for anything else, heading out with Pearl to drop her at school and letting her easy chatter distract her.

Once Pearl was gone, though, it was hard to force herself to drive to the high school, knowing she really didn't need more trouble if she ditched but sorely tempted anyway. Only the thought of the team coming looking for her made her pull into the lot and park.

She grabbed her bag and kept her head down, going straight for her locker and switching out the books she needed.

"Hey, Jase," Kim said, walking up to her, Billy trailing her.

"Hey," Jason said, shifting, voice subdued.

Kim frowned. "You okay?"

Jason didn't meet her eyes. "Didn't sleep well," she lied, grip tightening on her bag, forcing herself to breathe so she didn't snap the strap. Again.

Kim made a noise of understanding, moving to hug her and the press of Kim's curves against her hard lines made her want to cry, pulling back quickly.

"I'll see you guys at lunch, okay?" Jason said, not waiting for an answer before walking towards her homeroom.

The day dragged and Jason found herself unable to really focus in class, feeling her body too much. She was aware of the press of her jeans and the way her t-shirt hugged her chest and the rise and fall of her body with each breath she took.

She felt like she was drowning on dry land, the bell ringing and signaling fifth period -- lunch -- and starling her. She walked slowly to the cafeteria, not hungry and not wanting to deal with her friends' concern but going nonetheless, sitting down at their usual table next to Billy.

She set her bag on the seat next to her, to try to keep them from touching her -- though Billy certainly was much more open to being affectionate with them now, he still rarely initiated contact on his own and Jason needed that space today.

"You look like shit," Zack said, the boy yelping when Trini smacked him and shot Jason a worried look.

Jason sighed. "It's fine, I'm just tired. I'm just gonna sleep," she said, folding her arms on the table and burying her face, trying to drown everything out, trying to pretend she was fine.

They mostly left her alone and Jason pretended not to hear their worried whispers, feeling bad for worrying them but not having the energy to do anything about it, just not having it in herself to pretend today.

"Jason? There's only 5 minutes left, you should eat something," Kim said, gently shaking her arm.

Jason lifted her head slowly, blinking her eyes and accepting the sandwich Billy was offering, knowing the boy must have saved it for her specifically.

"Thanks," she said, taking a bite to appease them, struggling to swallow but getting it down. She had to psyche herself up for each bite, but she managed to eat the whole thing, finishing just as the bell rang.

"No practice today," Trini said, voice firm, and Jason nodded because Trini was her second so if she said no practice, it meant Jason really looked like shit and shouldn't go to practice.

"Want us to come over, cuddle pile?" Zack offered, worried frown on his face and Jason felt new guilt twist in her gut because Zack had enough to worry about without also worrying about her.

"I'll be okay," Jason said, shaking her head. "I'm just gonna get through the rest of today, pick up Pearl, and crash at home."

"Okay," Kim said, chewing her lip, clearly still worried, glancing at Trini.

Trini studied Jason for a minute before nodding. "Okay, but text us if you change your mind."

"Thanks," Jason said, actually meaning it, grateful they would give her space and hoping that once she got home and went to bed, she'd feel okay when she woke up.

--

"You didn't have to come with me," Trini said, walking through the automatic doors and into the mall, Jason right behind her.

Jason shrugged. "I don't mind."

Trini gave him a look, walking to the department store she wanted to hit, double checking her mental map of the mall to make sure they were efficient with all the stores she wanted to go to. "I have to go bra shopping," she threatened.

Jason flushed, not meeting her eyes. "That's fine."

Trini sighed. "Look, I know you're trying to spend time with everyone outside of school or training, but you don't have to be here."

Jason straightened up. "Do you really want me to go?" he asked, tone suggesting he would leave if she told him to.

"...No," Trini admitted. "But guys don't like shopping, Zack cried last time I dragged him."

Jason shrugged, hunching his shoulders. "I'm not Zack."

Trini snorted. "Thank god."

They entered the store and Jason trailed after Trini, holding the jeans that she picked out and helping her find the right size, sitting patiently outside the changing rooms when Trini went to try them on, looking around at the summer dresses the store had out.

His gaze snapped to Trini when she came back. "Fit okay?" he asked.

Trini nodded, holding two pairs in her hand, the rest discarded in the dressing room. "Fine."

"Shouldn't you buy jeans in the fall or winter?" Jason asked, following Trini to the checkout line.

Trini shrugged. "Normally, but I busted out the knees in the rest of my pairs. I have a ton of shorts now, though."

Jason chuckled, having seen Trini's homemade cutoffs. "They don't look too bad, either."

"I know," Trini grinned at him, handing over her jeans to pay, not surprised when Jason grabbed the bag to carry it.

"I can carry that, you know," she said as they left the store and walked to the next.

Jason shrugged. "So can I," he pointed out.

"Whatever, Scott," Trini said, giving in, heading into the shoe store and missing Jason's grimace.

"Didn't think you were a shoe person," Jason commented.

"I'm not, I need new converse," Trini said, smiling when Jason chuckled, leading him down the aisle.

Jason looked around at the small, dainty heels and sandals, moving slowly after Trini as she bee lined for the sneaker section. He wandered a bit, just looking around, while she tried on a pair and compared it to the same shoe half a size bigger.

"I'm done," Trini said, looking up to see Jason studying high heeled boots.

"Right," Jason said, moving over to her and once again following her to pay, taking this bag as well.

"You know, I bet Kim has those boots," Trini teased.

Jason blushed. "Ah, yeah, probably."

"Bras, now," Trini announced as they approached a different department store.

"Oh. You're not gonna go to...?" Jason asked, trailing off.

Trini rolled her eyes. "I'm not into Pink," she answered.

"Okay," Jason said, accepting that and following her inside.

Trini didn't say anything else, moving to the sports bras to pick out a few new ones, feeling about as uncomfortable as Jason looked, like he was afraid he would be yelled at for being in this section at any moment, eyes darting around.

She grabbed what she needed, eyeing the push up ones, considering it... she shook her head, turning to Jason and finding him eyeing the lingerie with almost... longing?

"I'm good," she said, watching him jump.

"Okay, great," Jason said, seeming eager to leave, flushed slightly.

Chalking it up to being forced into bra shopping, Trini let him set a quick pace to the check out, grabbing this bag before he could so she didn't embarrass him further.

"Food?" Trini asked when they left the store.

"Definitely," Jason said, relaxing a bit and Trini smiled at him.

--

Jason unlocked the door, ushering Pearl inside. "Homework first," she reminded, her sister rolling her eyes.

"I know," Pearl said, heading to the kitchen table and pulling out her homework from her backpack.

Jason grabbed them both a drink before settling next to Pearl to work on her own homework, helping occasionally but Pearl was really smart and didn't need much help.

She glanced at the clock when Pearl announced that she was done, bouncing in her chair a bit.

Jason smiled. "Okay, you go get everything set up, I'm going to make us some grilled cheeses for dinner, and then we'll play after we eat, deal?"

"Deal!" Pearl yelled, off her chair and racing to her room.

Jason chuckled, putting her homework into her bag so she wouldn't forget it tomorrow, setting aside her own homework -- she could finish tomorrow at lunch, and that was probably better anyway because unlike Pearl, Jason did need help with homework -- and moving to get their dinner cooking.

She wasn't all that great in the kitchen, but she could make the basics thanks to plenty of nights like this where it was just her and Pearl, easily making their grilled cheese sandwiches.

"Pearl, dinner!" she called, setting the table and smiling when Pearl raced in, clearly excited to eat and then get to play.

"Careful, it might be hot," Jason cautioned, cutting Pearl's sandwich into four triangles to help it cool faster, grabbing a bag of chips for them to split, too, and sitting down to eat.

They were both pretty hungry so it didn't take long to finish up. "Now?" Pearl asked hopefully.

"Lemme just clean up," Jason agreed, cleaning up their dishes and then following Pearl to her room after double checking the door was locked.

She sat down on the floor next to the play table in the corner of Pearl's room, smiling at the dolls and stuffed animals lined up next to it as well and watching Pearl go straight to her princess chest and pull out her favorite pink princess dress.

"Need help?" Jason offered, watching Pearl carefully pull the costume on over her clothes.

"I got it," Pearl said, concentrating and getting the dress on, twirling and giggling when the puffy skirt lifted up.

"Very pretty," Jason said, smiling at her and ignoring the spike of envy she felt.

"Makeup now?" Pearl asked, pulling out her little kit and setting it on the table.

"Sure," Jason agreed. "Want me to do you, or do you want to do me first?"

Pearl thought about it. "I'll do you first," she decided.

Jason smiled and nodded, sitting still and letting Pearl stand over her, reaching for her blush brush and dabbing it into the pink powder.

She let Pearl give her pink cheeks and pink lips with her lip gloss and selected the purple eyeshadow when Pearl let her pick, closing her eyes and staying still while Pearl applied it.

"Well, how do I look?" Jason asked when Pearl was all done.

"Very pretty!" Pearl giggled, hugging Jason.

Jason hugged her back, stomping down any resentment over not being able to really be Pearl's big sister and just trying to enjoy these stolen moments of getting that chance instead.

"Your turn," she said when they pulled apart, having Pearl sit in her kid's chair in front of her.

She used the limited tools that Pearl had, giving her a subtle blush that highlighted her cheekbones. She used three different eyeshadows to make Pearl's eyes look bigger, using the darker shade to bloom out the color -- Pearl wasn't allowed to play with eyeliners, but she loved the way it looked so Jason did her best to make do with the eyeshadow.

Last, she applied some lip gloss to make Pearl's lips shine, declaring that she was done and Pearl was gorgeous.

"I wanna see!" Pearl said, reaching for Jason's hand to tug her into the bathroom, closing the door and stepping up to exam herself in the mirror.

Jason glanced at herself before forcing her eyes onto Pearl instead, trying hard to ignore the want-shame-need-guilt swirling in her gut.

Pearl met her eyes in the mirror. "We both look like princesses!"

"You are a princess," Jason promised, picking her up to twirl her in the air and take her back to her room. They had a tea party, eventually washing up for bedtime, Jason careful in using the makeup remover wipes to make sure nothing lingered on either of their faces.

"Remember, tonight was our secret just for us," she whispered, kissing Pearl on the forehead after tucking her in, Pearl nodding solemnly up at her. "Good night."

"Good night," Pearl echoed, closing her eyes. Jason left the room and headed to her own, packing up for school the next day and climbing into bed.

--

"I'm going to run to the bathroom, be right there," Kim said, waving Jason into her bedroom with a smile before continuing down the hall to her bathroom.

After she was done, she washed up, grabbing a hair tie to pull her hair into a messy pony out of her face and heading back to her room.

"You probably don't even know what half of that stuff is," Kim teased as she walked into the room, catching Jason sitting at her vanity and holding one of her liquid eyeliners.

Jason flushed, quickly putting the makeup down and standing up. "Yeah," he laughed, embarrassed.

"Pearl's not into makeup yet?" Kim asked, sitting on her bed and grabbing her bag, Jason moving to join her.

"Just the kid version. She's only 9," Jason said, settling and pulling out a math textbook.

"Still, she must play dress up," Kim said. "I did, at that age."

"Yeah? What did you dress up as?" Jason asked.

"A princess, usually," Kim grinned. "Mostly I just wanted to be grown up. I'd walk around in my mom's heels all the time."

"My mom doesn't really dress up that much," Jason said, shaking his head.

Kim shrugged. "I'm sure she has some heels, every woman does. Even Trini, though she never wears them."

Jason chuckled, flushing a bit. "Right."

"Pearl really doesn't dress up?" Kim asked, genuinely surprised.

"She does, sometimes. She has the costumes, the puffy dresses?" Jason said, choosing his words carefully. "And she has play makeup, but she'd rather put it on someone else than herself."

"Ah, okay, she's a beautician," Kim grinned. "I'll have to come over and let her make me pretty one day."

"She'd love that," Jason admitted.

"I bet, since your mom probably doesn't have enough time to let her practice as much as she wants," Kim said.

"Right," Jason agreed, opening up his textbook.

"I have some stuff I don't really use, I could give it to you for her?" Kim said, staring at her vanity and imagining the colors she'd grown away from, the simpler things she could give to Pearl.

"Yeah? That'd be awesome!" Jason said, sounding excited.

Kim grinned. "Great! Remind me before you leave. I'm sure Pearl will be happy."

"Yeah," Jason said, a bit less enthusiastically. "You're like her big sister..."

"I always wanted a sister," Kim smiled, knocking into Jason gently. "But she's already got the best big brother ever."

Jason shifted, flushing. "Right," he said, fiddling with his pen. "We should probably get started, I'm gonna need you to explain it again..."

Kim wondered if she'd said something wrong, wondering if Jason was still putting himself down for his past mistakes -- maybe he didn't think he was a good role model for Pearl?

"Sure," she said, letting it drop and focusing on the math set Jason was showing her, nodding once and beginning to explain how it was done.

--

"It's morphing time!" Jason said, standing tall and looking around at her team, reaching for her armor and the morphing grid and feeling it slide into place.

She glanced around to make sure everyone was morphed and ready, trying not to linger on Trini's and Kim's armor and forcing herself not to glance down at her own chest plate. "Let's go!"

Putties were still springing up around town, even this many months after Goldar and Rita had been defeated. Alpha-5 thought it had something to do with the "tainted" gold that had seeped into the area when Goldar dissolved, but it wasn't really sure.

Regardless of the reason, the Power Rangers were fighting and destroying putties almost bi-weekly. Her least favorite part of it all was protecting the idiot people who got way too close all in the name of getting a picture of them.

"Get back!" Billy yelled, voice distorted through the armor for their protection though Jason heard him clearly in her helmet, watching Billy shove some people out of the way of a charging putty and taking the hit himself.

"Blue!" she yelled, jumping and landing on top of the putty, crushing it.

"I'm fine, Red," Billy said, taking her offered hand, the pair dashing to help the rest of their friends.

"Idiot people," Zack said, fighting two putties at once and beating them down with their own body parts.

"Let's just focus on getting rid of these guys!" Jason said firmly, in her leader voice, focusing on the fight and not how deep the armor made her voice.

They fought the putties until they were just piles of rock and dust, Jason looking around to make sure they hadn't missed any and that no one had been hurt.

"Good job," she said, grinning behind her mask and ignoring the flash of cameras. "Let's go."

She led the team out of the street, the five of them pouring on speed to make sure they weren't followed, diving straight off the cliff and through the water, heading to the ship to report back to Alpha-5 and Zordon so they could update the map to try to figure out a pattern to the putties' appearances.

"I thought for sure that guy was gonna get hit," Zack said, slinging an arm around Billy.

"I don't understand people who don't move out of the way," Billy admitted.

Kim shrugged. "They get caught up trying to get a picture that'll impress, they don't see the danger."

"Idiots," Trini said, echoing Zack from earlier and earning a high-five from the black ranger.

"Should we do poses at the end, then, let them get pics?" Zack asked as they entered the ship.

Jason shook her head. "That would only encourage more people to stick around when the putties appear."

"Maybe we could record a warning message, thanking people for their support but asking them to please keep back to stay safe?" Billy suggested.

"And post it online?" Kim asked.

"Yes, we could send it to the news outlets, too," Billy said.

"Who'd record it?" Trini asked.

"J, of course! He's the leader!" Zack said, grinning and letting go of Billy to sling an arm around Jason instead.

Jason huffed. "It was Billy's idea, he should do it."

"I agree with Zack. You should do it, Jason," Billy said, shaking his head.

Jason was saved from having to respond as they reached the command center, Alpha-5 and Zordon both wanting to know how it went.

Jason stepped up to give their report, letting the previous conversation drop.

"Good job, Rangers," Zordon said once Jason was done.

"I'll update the map," Alpha-5 said, moving to do just that.

"Demorph and go home," Zordon ordered. "You've earned the night off."

Jason turned to see everyone demorphing and grinning, happy to get a night off from training, sighing to herself and letting the armor slowly dissolve and fade, unable to help a jealous glance at the girls' disappearing armor.

"Bossman, c'mon," Zack yelled, snapping Jason from her thoughts. "We're gonna do a bonfire."

Jason forced a smile, moving over to the where they were all waiting. "As long as you aren't cooking," she teased, following her friends out of the ship.