#but its salt in the very old wounds im carrying from being outright abandoned by my family from the moment i turned 18 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lupismaris · 9 months

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My parents cancelled the official family gathering and I put my foot down and said I wasn't coming over on Christmas unless my brother called me himself and asked me to (because I cannot stomach being in the same space as him and my father rn) and frankly I'm glad this is a bare minimum makeshift holiday sure It be nice to have decorations up but we need to clean and get rid of shit more than we need decorations and I need a fuckin break from ppl who make me want to commit acts of violence. Gonna spend the holiday break in the woods.

#any progress i thought was made re my relationship with my father was superficial and fleeting. or just topical. no depth. no real work done #which isnt surprising but is leaving me sick to my stomach and tasting blood. he's falling over himself to help my brother rn #to help him through his crisis and im grateful for that truly because my brother needs the help and im glad hes accepting it #but its salt in the very old wounds im carrying from being outright abandoned by my family from the moment i turned 18 #even when i moved home i was left to my own devices and left to figure it all out. he helped pay something that had his name on it.#but otherwise i took care of myself entirely and always have. no advice no guidance just two failed disownings #but im glad my brother gets the help i am i know it doesnt seem it im glad #it just must be nice being the favorite son

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