#but like... yeah it's... a superficially comforting line for someone like efnisien

[not-poignant]

Ok I hate her and I hated the whole situation, but this line «Maybe you could try and live a life where you don’t want to die anymore.» 😭😭😭😭😭 + I didn't know that I needed the image of baby ef playing piano with tiny hands until now, someone out there should draw this, like please?? 🥲

I like what Lija said in theory, but I think for many people who have been suicidal knows that hearing 'maybe you could try and live a life where you don't want to die anymore' leads to mostly feeling extremely demoralised.

I'm putting the rest of this under a read more, feel free to ignore the rest of this post anon!

"Like, geez thank you Lija for that brilliant insight, I didn't know until now I should be putting more effort into not wanting to die, like paying for all these twice weekly therapy sessions and working really hard just to stay afloat. I'll definitely try your toxic positivity though, I'm sure that was the one silver bullet that my healing was missing, simply trying to live a different live to the one I am now. That sounds easy and workable! If only I'd thought of this before. Say that to everyone, and you'll cure all their mental illnesses!"

This idea of like 'I'm going to give you permission to try something different so you can feel better :) ' is so condescending. At least for some of us? I'm sure for some folks who are suicidal, it's a line that might be comforting to them. But it's not really practical advice, and it puts the onus of effort and responsibility on someone who has broken under effort and responsibility.

And it also implies that Efnisien hasn't been pouring his guts out into trying to live that life in the first place, even though it's so incredibly exhausting for him, the fact that he 'tried so hard' in the first place is one of the reasons he also crashed so hard.

It's the kind of advice that makes Lija feel better to say, but actually kind of means nothing? I feel like she's going 'I'm someone who is angry at you but look, I will grant you my beneficence from on high and tell you that I think you can try not to die anymore. Doesn't that make you feel special?'

Like, maybe you have been suicidal anon (I hope not, but a lot of folks have, which sucks and I'm so sorry) and that's the kind of thing that would have made you feel better, in which case I'm really glad. It can be good to tell people specific lines that really help you, especially if they're lines that might come across to many other people like they're not going to be helpful. It's kind of like how telling one person 'it's going to be okay' will be the thing that makes them feel comforted, but telling another person that just makes them feel invalidated and like the person doesn't understand reality.

And! If the line makes you personally feel comforted, then that's all that matters. I'm thinking more about how that line would hit Efnisien, or me, but I'm not you - and if that was something that really helped, tell your trusted people that it's the kind of thing you like to hear in difficult situations. <3

But yeah I think in Efnisien's case, he was mostly just scared and wanting a nurse to save him, and unfortunately Lija is not equipped to handle this situation, which she did eventually realise!

Also yes! I'm glad we got another window into 'child Efnisien' outside of Efnisien's perspective of himself, which is so often really flawed. It really scuppers the idea of Efnisien as like, a charming child, but it also introduces the possibility that more than one person suspected child abuse, and no one did anything about it.

It takes a village to allow a monster.