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*stares back* wat

the whump fan’s dilemma

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Actual roman epitaph for a dog

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I cannot express how jarring it was after being raised by a "Porn Addiction Coach" to get into a relationship with a woman and come face to face with the fact that she did actually want me to sexually desire her.

Like, in Evangelical Purity Culture, male desire was basically poison. It was a threat. It was this constant temptation that would destroy everything. And even after leaving, in the sort of queer, feminist spaces i spend most of my time in that wasn't something that pretty much anyone was spending time actively dissuading me from feeling.

But my desire is good. It's not something that I'm being accepted in spite of. It's a positive thing. It's a bonus. Not even just vanilla stuff, all the stuff I'd convinced myself were these weird terrible desires that were shameful to have.

It honestly took me over a decade to fully accept that. To stop dissociating during sex and confront that I was, in fact, being a massive perv and that was fantastic and preferable and that I could accept that into my self-image without shame or self hatred.

But it's important to do. It's important to leave relationships that don't welcome that part of you. To know that your sexuality is valuable and valid and worth owning and celebrating. Because the alternative is just...not being. Either existing as yourself and repressing the part of your identity that is sexual or allowing that sexuality to exist but turning off your self while it does.

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87/? - Underline the Black (omegaverse) - Efnisien/Gary

Title: Underline the Black Rating: Explicit Pairing: Efnisien ap Wledig/Dr Gary Konowalous Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Darkfic, Disturbing themes, Age Gap, Omegaverse, Alpha/Alpha, no Mpreg, Medical experimentation, Medical trauma, Dominance/Submission, Dystopian universe, Forced bonding, Forced relationship, Imprisonment, Nonconsensual medical procedures, PTSD, Flashbacks, Nightmares, Chronic illness, Mating cycles/Heats, Knotting, Miscommunication, Trauma recovery, Mind control, Child Abuse, Hope, Hopeful ending.

Summary: Efnisien ap Wledig is an omega born into an all-alpha family. Abandoned by his birth mother and raised by his aunt, he is subjected to a lifetime of medical experimentation and brainwashing and believes himself to be an alpha. But the experiments begin to fail, and he is abandoned yet again to an Omega Rehabilitation Facility, where the family expects he will be retrained into the ‘perfect omega’ and placed in an arranged marriage, or be eliminated if this is no longer possible.

The Facility don’t know about the experiments, and Efnisien doesn’t even know why he’s in there in the first place, since he’s an alpha…isn’t he? One thing’s for certain, he definitely doesn’t need an alpha companion, no matter what the staff at the facility seem to think.

Underline the Black - Chapter 87 - A Big Fuck Up @ AO3

In which Gary comes back to his senses, realises what he's done, panics, and institutes as much damage control as he possibly can.

– Thanks to all the Patreon and Ream supporters for making this story possible!

The following early access extras are also currently available on the Augus & Gwyn, and Efnisien & Gary tiers at Patreon and Ream:

Underline the Red - 05 - Caleb/Faber Underline the Red - 06 - Caleb/Faber Underline the Gold - 08 - Flitmouse/Anton The Nascent Diplomat - 44 - Augus/Gwyn (final) Constellations - 06 - Efnisien + Gwyn (post Falling Falling Stars) Constellations - 07 - Efnisien + Gwyn (post Falling Falling Stars) Constellations - 08 - Efnisien + Gwyn (post Falling Falling Stars) Underline the Blue - 14 - Nate/Janusz Underline the Blue - 15 - Nate/Janusz

Want another way to support my writing? // I have a Patreon account! // Come check out REAM! (Patreon mirror) // Buy a Ko-Fi!

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want to be clear that if i ever talk about a headcanon and then later discuss a headcanon that is directly contradictory to the first one, that’s because headcanons exist in a quantum state where they are all simultaneously true and not true up until the point where i discuss it in detail, in which case that is the one that is true in that instance. schroedinger’s headcanons

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Reading Fic Pre-Posting: No typos whatsoever. Reads well. Flows beautifully. I have definitely found all possible spelling and grammar errors.

Reading Fic After Posting: A typo every three lines. Ten grammatical errors. Switches tense twice. POV changes for no discernible reason. Uses the word “look” five times in one sentence.

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Am I getting a good grade in tumblr mutual?

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Daily excerpt from chapter 87 of Underline the Black:

'Oh, Efnisien,' Gary said, at a particularly thin whimper from the boy. 'I am sorry. Come on, I've made some hot chocolate for the both of us. Do you want marshmallows?' 'Do you want me to have them?' Efnisien said.  A swift spike of anger because he loathed Efnisien behaving like an automaton around him. He'd had enough of that from omegas, and it made his skin crawl. They couldn't help it, he couldn't help it, but this... What if this was permanent?  'Efnisien,' Gary said again, reaching out and curling his hand gently around Efnisien's ankle. 'Come on now, this response, it's physiological. It's not you, sweetheart.'

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I think one of the worst things about depression is honestly that people are so incredibly kind, or they can be so incredibly kind and generous, but...you still have depression. It's not their fault, and you feel worse that you can't honour them the way they deserve.

Anyway, I mean there are many 'worst things' about depression, but seeing the kindness of folks and not having the spoons to properly acknowledge them or *feel* that kindness is a whole thing.

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an important principle of fandom (and life, actually) is that if you want more of Less Popular Thing, it is good to create positive spaces and events for it. however, if you use those spaces to take cracks at the More Popular Thing which you perceive as stealing oxygen from your Less Popular Thing, you do not increase the audience for Less Popular Thing. you decrease it, because you irk people who like both Things. and depending on the relative popularity, there are quite possibly more people who like both Things than people who only like Less Popular Thing. (not to mention - you kill your chances of recruiting people who like More Popular Thing but are neutral on or haven’t considered Less Popular Thing.) 

you’re not campaigning for votes (where There Can Be Only One), you’re marketing for a share of people’s attention. don’t be petty. be effective. 

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Fae Tales - The Nascent Diplomat (Gwyn/Augus)

Pairing: Augus Each Uisge/Gwyn ap Nudd

Tags: Fae politics, past child abuse, past sexual abuse, developing relationship, slow burn, mind games, Unseelie Court (See fic for more tags)

Summary: Augus is summoned by the Unseelie King of the fae to test out his hand at being a diplomat with a secretive, cave-dwelling race of fae known as the vench. He is sent to the remote region of Aethelwaters to strike up a trade deal, with the King’s Mage and executioner - Gwyn ap Nudd - as his bodyguard.

They come face to face with a closed culture largely unreceptive to newcomers, initiations to test their merit, an unusual way of feeding, and pitfalls and traps at every turn. Will it drive the shaky foundation between Gwyn and Augus further apart? Or bring them together?

Fae Tales - 43/44 - The Nascent Diplomat - Gwyn/Augus on AO3!

In which the vench start saying their goodbyes to Augus, who is ready to leave. However, he soon realises that Gwyn is experiencing their farewells not as a peaceful moving on, but as abandonment, and his concern grows.

Chapter 44 of The Nascent Diplomat is available now for early release, for folks in the Augus & Gwyn+ tiers on Patreon and Ream!

In which Gwyn and Augus leave Aethelwaters and go back to their respective realities. Gwyn is terrified that everything will go back to normal, but sees increasing hints and signs that everything might be changing for the better.

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Hi! I was wondering if you'd share Raphael's reasoning for laying a smooch on Astarion, if he had one beyond getting it out of the way, or just wanting to. Loving Palmarosa so far, you really nail both of their voices and I'm super invested in where it's gonna go next!

Hi hi anon,

I honestly think he was being manipulative and he felt like doing it. Raphael does enjoy introducing moments of softness and indulgence with Astarion because a) he enjoys creature comforts himself and b) he knows Astarion does too and c) it's enjoyable to him and d) he believes (rightly) that Astarion has been starved of tender moments, and so rather than smother him, he continues to 'starve' him but provides him with tastes of something he wants more of and/or is baffled by.

I always feel like with Raphael, I'm writing him intentionally as someone who always has multiple reasons to be doing what he's doing. The times when he's most frustrated is when he can't find multiple reasons for something and/or when he gets shoved off that track by like, his father. (Even then, he still won, just not in the way he wanted).

I honestly feel like that guy has an abacus in his head constantly counting up like the 5-100 motives for any single action or line or thought and at the top is the hedonistic 'because it feels good and I wanted to' lmao

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Me, reading this : "Like, my intention in amongst the hurt/comfort isn’t for things to feel easy or nice all the time, I am absolutely challenging the reader by introducing things that feel uncomfortable.". AH... I see. Here's Pia's dom personality XD Much love! Please keep challenging us forever!

Aha, it is weird sometimes to think that like, this is something that all writers are generally doing, and then it's like 'yeah no that's... introducing conflict means ideally you feel it too, that's... that's what makes the resolution feel so good' - like that's the job.

Tbh, this is why when folks are like 'omg I can't believe they KILLED that character' or 'I can't believe THIS HORRIBLE THING HAPPENED WHY' it's like well, they wanted you to feel this way. That's why. They did it on purpose. Outside of shitty tropes like 'burying your gays' etc. when folks are genuinely bemoaning why a show has made them miserable the answer is nearly 100% of the time - they wanted you to feel miserable.

They wanted you to have the awful experience of a tragic ending. They wanted you to feel the conflict at the end of a season so that you'd be driven to the catharsis of resolution in the next season. It's an intentional move to create emotional response, catharsis, expression, frustration and resonance, to lead you through a journey that is more than just cerebral.

And when it works, it's incredible, and it's my favourite part of storytelling.

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I wanted to be Dana Scully

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😒😒😒

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Getting really sick of all the "There's No Place Like Chrome" ads on youtube. There's Firefox. Firefox saves your passwords. Firefox autofills things if you want. Firefox also does things that Chrome doesn't like allow adblockers, and it does not mine your data and sell your information for advertising purposes. Google is really trying to push people to use Chrome so they can take as much data from users as possible in order to make as much money as possible and it's borderline sinister.

Anyway, download Firefox.