#but nobody has said that yet which on the one hand. yay treatment (hopefully) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

milkweedman · 2 years

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I had another pain management setup appointment this morning, this time with a physical therapist, and she was asking me about my flare ups and everything and i came to the realizations that 1) theres always a bit of a leadup to the flare, where i'll have a couple days where i feel like shit and my joints feel hot and weak but its also nowhere near the pain levels of an actual flare up. And 2) i am in fact in a pre-flare up right now :/

All this to say that im warping another belt but im not trying backstrap again right now because i can already tell im going to feel like death tomorrow

#the two pain management specialists ive seen so far have been really great which makes me hopeful that ill actually. yknow. get treatment.#of course it could be that the actual medication prescribing doctor is an idiot and asshole in which case i am course screwed #you really never know #have my first appointment with him in a week though #but yeah yesterday was way too much. and it wasnt even that much by anyone else's standards #or at least my coworkers seemed fine. but it definitely jumpstarted a flare up #just always a bit strange to actually. awknowledge that im in pain and theres something wrong #and downright insane to have someone be like 'yeah dude thats not right lets see if we can fix it'#bc i was dealing w a lot of this joint shit as a kid too but if i said anything my parents would get furious about me #'trying to get out of school by faking sick'#didnt matter if the problem was that my feet hurt bc my shoes were always too small hand me downs (an easily fixable issue)#or if i had sprained my ankle for the 10th time that month because there is something fundamentally wrong with my joints #they would just completely refuse to listen or help in any way and usually punish me for asking #so.... the experience of having someone ask me about my pain. listen. believe me. and start talking about what we can try to ameliorate it #is uh. somewhat novel. and also a lot.#chronic illness #im also still expecting someone to be like 'hey so this program is actually for people who are REALLY in pain and you dont qualify #because youre not that bad'#but nobody has said that yet which on the one hand. yay treatment (hopefully)#but on the other hand. when im not actively in a flare up or going into one i am always at least 80% convinced that im making it all up #or that im blowing it out of proportion or something #which also serves to stop me from spiralling 24/7 into health anxiety ocd doom #so with that barrier temporarily removed bc a specialist was nice to me i am now free to spiral #which. i am #should probably just start weaving before i go insane etc

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