#but now i must go to bed for my back hurty and i have work tomorrow. sigh

[voidrots]

yknow the whole angular shapes thing was not what i was originally going for (as evidenced by the sketch dkjfdlf) but this kinda slaps i wont lie

[tinytinybumblebee]

I got my wisdom teeth out earlier this week :(( but could u write something abt little ed not feeling good and stede talking care of him

Awe ;0; that can be a very yucky and hurtie surgery!! Hope you're resting and healing!♡♡

- Ed doesn't get sick, he's Blackbeard, such fearsome pirates don't get sick! Izzy gets sick, Stede gets sick but Ed doesn't

Until he does- he'll wake up one day with just the worst headache, feeling as if his head is full of cotton drowned in syrup! He sits up and just /knows/ as his nose stuffs up and his throat burns with every swallow.

He whines, being sick secretly scared him ;^; being sick means he's not at his best, what if someone comes to harm the crew and he's not able to help because he's too busy blowing his nose??? The poor guy gets himself into a tizzy and Stede wakes up to Ed sobbing.

Stede is so concerned, he scoops Ed close and can feel just how warm Ed is, warmer than usual. He gently places the back of his palm on Ed's forehead and winces slightly.

"Darling you're burning up, you must have finally caught that cold that's been going around the ship," Stede muses as Ed looks up at him with the saddest doe eyes.

Stede rubs Ed's back as the tyke cries about not wanting to be sick , he doesn't like feeling yucky, he wants to be healthy so he can be a big boy and Papa's helper!

"Oh my sweet dove, Papa knows you like helping me out with things around the ship. But, the biggest help you can ever do for Papa right now is to rest in bed and let Papa take care of you," he pauses as he brushes some stray hairs away from Ed's face, "I know being sick can be kinda scary, yeah? That all these yucky things are happening in your body, but, that's just your body helping you get alllll the nasty germs out if you so you can feel better and go back to playing," he cups Ed's little cheek, "So, can you be Papa's good boy and let Papa take care of you?"

Ed sniffles but nods, he wants to be Papa's good boy and if Papa says he needs to rest to get these mean germs out, then he will!

Stede smiles warmly as he slides off the bed, getting things ready for a nice warm bath for Ed, plenty of soaps and oils made specifically to help clear the nose and chest.

The bath is a huge success. Ed is a bit too sick to play as he usually does but, he still bats around the wooden ducky as Stede is happily humming while he rinses Ed's hair. After the bath, Stede dries his little one all nice before he finds one of his night gowns to dress Ed into- Ed does think it's kinda silly for him to be wearing a nightie during the day but, it's soft and smells like Papa so, he doesn't mind♡

Ed does get a bit whiney when Stede leaves the room but, Stede is back fairly soon with some tea, honey and very plain porridge. Not wanting Ed to be going on an empty stomach! Which, Ed is happy to eat as Papa spoon feeds him it and is given the honey sweetened tea, to help his sore throat♡

After this, Ed feels himself nodding off, sleepy from the small things of movement he's done this morning. Stede helps Ed back into bed, tucking him in nice and snuggly with his favourite plush toy- he knows Eddie wants him to come lay in bed with him but, Stede still has some duties to attend to, thankfully ones he can complete in the cabin so he won't be far from his sweet baby boy♡

Stede sits on the edge of the bed, placing a cool rag over Ed's forehead and kisding his cheek, sitting there until Ed is fast asleep before he gets up and moves to his desk💕

That's how the rest of the day goes. Stede will work for a small while, Ed will wake up whining and calling for his Papa- Stede will give his baby boy some cuddles and make sure Ed's temperature is going down before reapplying another cool cloth, rinse and repeat until bedtime where Ed finally gets his Papa allll to himself in bed- aka: he curling up on Stede's chest and sleeps alll throughout the night💕💕

[sootonthecarpet]

Hey feel free to ignore but uh. You seem like a guy who has sex? And I was wondering if you had any good resources abt safe sex etc esp from a trans friendly angle? I recently started dating my bf and it's both of our first relationships ever (in our mid 20s lol) so we want to eventually Do It but we're taking our time and trying to be safe about it and I kinda feel like I don't even fully know what I don't know??? They also seem to have more just baseline knowledge abt this stuff than me and I don't want to seem like I'm not taking things seriously or something :/

(Also if I can complain for like 5 seconds it's super frustrating how all the info online seems to be that condoms should be everywhere and super easy to find but I literally haven't seen any since my high school library was giving them out half a decade ago!!!! Like I've been trying gas stations corner stores etc and I just don't see them idk if I'm just missing them or looking in the wrong place or what 😡😭 /rant over)

hey, congrats! it's really cool that you and your bf are getting to figure this stuff out together! i don't think you happening to know less to start off with would make you look frivolous, not your fault it's hard to find good honest useful sex ed info right now, and you seem like you're being totally thoughtful about this! going slow and doing research is good, imo it's a good idea to be upfront with your bf about feeling like they know more than you--it can be really weird to feel less aware than ur partner about like Anything, and talking it out so you know what their expectations towards you are can help a lot, plus sometimes you find out they've been feeling the same way. I am always saying to talk about it to em though.

I know a decent chunk about safe sex but it's been gathered up piecemeal rather than from like, specific, recommendable resources, so I can give pointers in theory (guess you can ask me specific questions if you have any? if I can't answer I can always look em up) but it's harder to point you along to a proper source of info. i must have read Primed at some point, and it goes around posts on here a lot, but I don't really remember firsthand how useful or comprehensive it was, beyond being a resource booklet aimed at male couples involving at least one trans guy. I'm sure there are a lot of other guides at this point, too! but I'm not really sure how to find em, off the top of my head. I feel like I learned a surprising amount about partnered sex and safe sex practices from reading sex toy review blogs (thoughtful longform stuff in the vein of heyepiphora).

this is kinda silly but it helped me back in the day; wikipedia has a lot of articles on sex acts (and different kinds of contraceptives and barriers, source links here can get you to VERY useful info on em!!!) and I feel like they may help you wrap your head around stuff you may not have much context on. like even just the 'sex positions' article is like, a decent starter place--it uses heteronormative language intermittently and VERY cisnormative language throughout + has a fair amount of chaff, but it's also a remarkably comprehensive list of all kinds of configurations for penetrative and non-penetrative sex, & even describes how simpler acts like frottage and mutual masturbation can work (which often gets skipped over 😭). it's kinda crap if you have to juggle like, physical disabilities or the ways that fatness can change how two people's bodies interact, and includes a lot of obscure, back-hurty-lookin penetrative sex positions that get disproportionate use in porn, but it can definitely be a good jumping off point for poking around online for more info, or introduce you to new concepts/bolster your faith in your interest in something you were thinking about but weren't sure was A Thing People Actually Do In Bed.

also akxlaldf listen about half the condoms I've used in my Life came from a huge amount of free ones I accumulated in one summer like nine years ago (volunteered at an LGBT center and would take one or two home from the free bin every day, plus got a big bag of freebies at a transmarch) like ??? I do see em in stores in my area, but they can be so weirdly annoying to find when you're actually looking for em. if you can online order, most sex toy sites (like shebop or goodvibes or whatever the fuck) will also sell condoms in singles and multipacks (& usually a lot more kinds than you'd find in a store, which can make it nice if you're specifically needing to find unlubricated, flavored, bigger ones, latex free, etc).

but yeah feel free to message if you have specific questions, I wish I could provide better info off the bat 😆 also some extremely miscellaneous stuff that's like, entry level but still worth repeating: it's helpful and common to like, pop a pillow under your hips to improve your angle (wedge pillows are your friend if you happen to have one around) or grab a footstool to even out heights if you're doing something standing up, stuff like that. you can nab a cushion or kneepads if anyone's gonna be kneeling on a hard surface too. a longer strap-on can be helpful when figuring out positioning, so you don't need to get your pelvises as close together to make it work. talk stuff over ahead of time if you can, both to get more familiar with what you and your partners' wants are and to help sketch out some approximate boundaries ahead of time. sex toys are a great convenience, but get 'body safe' materials if you can; silicone, metal, glass, and most hard plastic toys can all be sterilized; PVC rubber, 'jelly' toys and ones made out of what's often called cyberskin or sexflesh or stuff like that (TPE, thermoplastic elastomer) can't, and some may let off harmful chemicals like phthalates (or just plain disconcerting oils and aromas) as the plastic breaks down. (if you're goin for it anyway? PVC holds up ok but is a bit stiff, TPE feels luxurious but rips SOOO easy, and I've never bothered with jelly.)

there's never any shame in finding certain sex acts, or just certain elements of intimacy, overwhelming or stressful! your like process of developing a sexual awareness and skill set doesn't have to follow any set pattern, and you and your bf are always allowed to make concessions to be sure your n their own boundaries and needs are met (I get overwhelmed easily on a sensory level, and I had a long term relationship where I wore gloves almost every time I fingered my partner bc the mix of textures was a lot for me at the time, regardless of how we swapped fluids regularly).

you probably heard this one before a whole bunch, but i legally can't let u go without saying that peeing after sex as soon as you're ready to get up is a VERY good idea, regardless of your anatomy--it flushes out your urethra, which helps reduce your risk of getting a urinary tract infection (which isn't rly about if the sex was protected or not--it's just easy for bacteria from other places on your own body to be introduced to your urethra during sex, regardless of ur partner's saliva/fluids.) no shame if it doesn't work, I got a uti from jackin it once, stuff happens! which brings me to my conclusion, which is that u gotta always keep in mind how weird and awkward and funny sex is and that it's normal and good for it to be all those things. excited for u! wishing u well.

[heeeatofthemoment]

Delirium x Reader

Next one in my Endless x Reader fics. This one was a lot more fun though I’ll admit the ending isn’t the best XD Either way enjoooy!

“I like the ribbon,” you hear a small voice say from behind you.

“Uh huh…” you answer, only half paying attention, your eyes not breaking contact with the mess that is your work on the wall. Though you suddenly snap back to reality, exclaiming, “Wait-” as you turn to find the voice.

Your caffeinated brain not fully registering what was before you.

“Red is a good colour, only when it stays inside though, outside it gets messy and everywhere,” said the small girl who was sat on the edge of your bed.

“How did you get into my room?” you ask, looking at the door to see if it was open.

“Well I turned left from my place, walked upside down for a bit in this dark place and came to a door. It was pretty easy to get past, as long as you know how, which I do,” she replied with a beaming smile before flopping backwards onto the covers.

“But it was locked, and we’re on the third floor of my campus apartment?”

“I did meet someone on the way here, and they were quite shouty. I think I made think a penguin was attacking him, but I’m not sure. But the door wasn’t hard. I just asked it nicely. Or was that the man?”

This girl spoke so quickly it was giving you a headache. Or at least, a worse one, which was the last thing you needed at the moment. This university project was driving you nuts, because it was due in a week and was taking up all of your time.

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be with you family or something?”

The girl sat up and tilted her head, gazing at you with her… eyes. Which were mismatched, one being blue and the other green.

“Well… A lot of them scare me, especially Despair, Destiny and very muchly Desire. Dreamy is kinda sweet, but I think he’s judging me behind his frowning. Death is always nice to me, she’s cool, and likes to chat when she’s not busy…” she pauses for little while. “…and I had a brother but I don’t know where he is and I miss him… but he gave me a Barnabas, and I like him a lot!”

You blink. In the process of explaining… whatever it was she had told you, you were pretty sure her hair had changed colour. It was a vibrant green, but now had turned to a dark blue with yellow highlights.

“Right… Well, please, can you go? I’m sorry I just have this thing-”

“Ooo, what is it?” she interrupts you, springing off the bed and climbing up onto your desk, examining your work. As she passes you notice she smells kind of like sour wine.

“Hey! Careful! It’s my latest class project,” you protest, but before you can stop her, she’s looking at everything. All across the wall you have various papers, articles and other pieces of information stuck on via a mix of tac, pins and tape, and connected via strands of red ribbon. You had spent weeks carefully putting it all together and even though it looked like an unorganised mess, it made sense to you.

“I met a solving man once, he called himself Dee Tektiv,”

“Do you mean he was a detective?” you ask.

“Um… yes. But anyway, he had a wall like this, though he used boring blue ribbon, which isn’t inside or messy. His wall had a man who stabbed someone, though he wasn’t sure”.

“That sounds delightful…” You mumble to yourself. In the blink of an eye the girl is suddenly an inch from your face, glaring into your eyes with her own from the on top of the table.

“That isn’t me. Not now me. A while ago me. I don’t like thinking about Delight me. It hurts. Like it did to that stabbed man who was stabbed”.

Before you can apologise, even though you weren’t sure what you or her had said, she had turned back to the wall as quick as she’d looked to you.

“Where are the stabbed people on your wall?” she asked inquisitively.

“I’m not a detective, there aren’t any dead people there,” you pinch your brow in frustration. “If you must know, I’m doing a psychology project assignment on why nightmares are so vivid”.

After hearing this, the girl jumps off the table and starts jumping up and down, clapping cheerfully as she does.

“Oh, oh, oh! I know someone that can help you! I mentioned him earlier, he’s great with all the stuff about dream stuff, I’ll go ask him”.

With that she disappeared, with a sound that resembled a quick trumpet note. Like straight up gone before your eyes. For a second, her shadow still remained on the floor before also blinking out too leaving behind a faint smell of spearmint. You don’t move for a good minute, eyes fixed to the spot she was just stood. You drop to the bed and place your hands over your face.

“I’m losing my mind,” you muffle, letting out a large sigh. “It’s just the stress, why else would you be seeing things?” you assure yourself. Taking a deep breath, you open your eyes. Only to be met with blue and green.

“Hello, sorry if you were sleeping, or were dead, or both. I used to know a woman who had that happen too,” said the girl. She was standing by your bed and was leant over your face. You aren’t even annoyed by her presence.

“What happened to her?” you ask, unsure as to why you are playing along with what was clearly a hallucination at this point.

“Oh… she died. Or fell asleep”. She shook her head violently. “Speaking of, I spoke to my brother about helping your wall. He said he was busy and didn’t know what I was talking about, which I thought was odd, since I’m sure I used words”.

At this point you had given up trying to understand… whoever she was. The way she disappeared like that and the way her hair kept shifting was unsettling. In fact, her clothes had changed slightly too. She was wearing a pink shirt with a leather jacket over it and ripped jeans. But now her leather jacket had changed to a simple red hoody.

“Who are you?” you finally ask, since you realise you don’t know her name.

“People have called me lots of things, I’ve forgotten a few of them though. I think they have too, I’d like to know where they left them… Usually my sister calls me Del and I like it when she does. Barnabas calls me ‘girl’ but I think he’s just jealous I have hands, see?” to prove her point, she waved her hands wildly.

You stare at her for a second or two, then sit up and lean back against your wall, resting your hands on the top of your head.

“Am I going mad? Is that it?” you sigh to yourself. It was the only thing that made sense. As a teleporting shapeshifting teenage girl wasn’t possible, so your brain must be fried from all the overworking you’ve been doing.

In response, Del gazed deep into you, slightly tilting her head as she did. She narrowed her eyes, looking like she was genuinely considering the question.

“Not quite,” she finally responds. “You’re almost in my realm, but not really. Like, the door is unlocked but you’re undecided”. She said this with such certainty you can’t help but believe… whatever she was saying. The way she spoke made it seem this was a topic she understood, which was no less comforting.

“How do you know that? What do you mean by your realm? And are you even real?” you ask, firing out questions like malfunctioning conveyor.

“I just do. I know a lot of things, more than my oldest brother, though he doesn’t like admitting it. My realm is a cool place, though someone not… um… with screws loose, wouldn’t like it, what with all the hurty. And real is difficult. Sometimes things are real and I don’t mean it…” She trails off during this sentence, as if distracted by something.

“Uh, hey? Del?” You wave your hand in front of her face and she snaps back.

“Yes? Oh sorry I was thinking about these butterflies my sis-bro stole and made them set themselves on fire. I didn’t like that,” she huffed and sulked, sitting cross-legged on the floor.

You blink, slightly frustrated you didn’t get an answer for your last question. Relenting against your better judgement, you get up off the bed and look down to her.

“Listen… I have no clue what you want with me, but are you thirsty at all?” you ask her, crouching down so you’re eye level.

“Do you have any mango juice?” she responds quickly.

“No I don’t, sorry”.

“Good, cause that stuff is bad. Can I have a bowl of water please?” she looks at you and smiles in a cutesy way, and you can’t help but oblige, despite the odd request.

“Sure thing Del”. You stand up and walk out of your room and into the common area kitchen. You bump into a friend who gives you a confused look when they see you filling up a cereal bowl under the sink, though they dismiss it and leave you to it. You pour yourself an apple juice and make your way back to the room, where she is still sat.

You walk over and sit in front of her, handing the bowl. She claps in excitement and produces a straw and handful of some powder from her coat (which was now a green denim one, that was two sizes too big for her). She drops the powder into the water and puts the straw in her mouth. Taking a deep breath, she then proceeds to blow into the liquid, producing several bubbles.

Somehow, each one was a different shape, with spheres, cubes and even cylinders now floating around your room. One floats over and pops on your nose, creating an odd smell of a freshly peeled banana. You can’t help but let out a laugh, an honest outburst of enjoyment that you hadn’t felt since before this project.

Del also lets out a giggle, before blowing more bubbles. Another one pops near you and it somehow makes a noise like a miniature foghorn, which almost makes you spit out your drink. After producing another wave, she jumps up and begins to try and catch them, popping bubbles left and right and producing various sounds and smells.

Acting quite unlike yourself, you also stand up and burst a single bubble, delighting in the honest-to-goodness cartoon ‘POP’ sound it makes. You can’t help yourself as you continue. Before long, you and Del are running around your room like children, and you couldn’t care less.

All your worries fade away as you revel in the childish endeavour. At some point, you knock over the drink you left on the floor, though you aren’t fussed by it. After a while the bubbles are all gone and you slump to the floor to catch your breath. Del picks up the bowl and drinks the rest of the liquid, which is followed by a sharp belch as a frog shaped bubble flies out her mouth and pops on the floor.

“Ok, I’ll admit that was fun,” you pant, smiling at the mess all over the room. “Seriously though who are you? And are you real?”

This time, she doesn’t avoid the question, and shuffles over until she is sat right in front of you. She gingerly lifts her hand and reaches out, gently, but kind of firmly, poking you on the nose.

“See? All real!” she says, confirming with a second prod. “As who I am, I told you it depends who you ask, but I’m happy with Del”.

“Ok…” you are still just as confused but you continue, “what are you even doing here?”

“Um...” she says, genuinely confused by the question. “I can’t remember, I’m pretty sure I was looking for something?” she taps her chin and looks around the room, as if looking for something that will jog her memory.

“Looking for something?”

“Oh, I know! My friend Barnabas! Have you seen him?” she says, looking at you expectantly.

“Not that I know of, what does he look like?”

“Small, grey, very talky, four legs?”

You pause for a second, confused at what she’s saying, before you work it out. “Wait, is he your dog?”

“Oh you have seen him then?”

“No, I haven’t, though I can help look if you-” before you can finish you hear a loud bark from outside your window, and all of a sudden, Del disappears with a sound that resembles a champagne cork.

A second later she is back with a dog of the description she gave.

“Is this Barnabas then?” you ask, somehow unfazed by her teleportation.

“Yup that’s me,” says Barnabas. For a small moment you almost lose it, but regain your composure as you realise this isn’t the weirdest thing you’ve seen all day.

“We were playing catch in her realm when someone threw it too far and it landed here!” the dog turned and looked judgingly at Del, or at least as much as he could as a dog. “Then you get distracted and come here?”

“I’m sorry Barney, but the door was closed and I couldn’t turn it down!”

“That’s not how that works Delirium”.

“Aaaand there were nice ribbons!” as she says this she points at your project wall.

“Yes, yes, very nice, can we go home now?”

“Oh fine! I just need to get my penguin”.

“Your what now?”

And with that both of them blink out, leaving no trace behind. You sit in still for several minutes, thinking on what to make of the whole experience.

Soon though, you stand up and walk over to your bed, where you see a small plastic tube. You pick it up and with a smile you read the label “Bubbles”.

Thanks for reading this far! :D

[jozalynsharp]

Hangover Skincare: How to Look Like you Didn't Get Most of Your Sleep in the Front Seat of a Corolla

I hear my friend, Mike Simpson, talking cheerily with our hostess. He asks about her sons and the night starts to flash back to me. Did we see a deer in the front yard? Did I dream that? Why is my face so hurty? Then I peel it off the leather couch it's stuck to and ask the same thing about my head. I look at Mike and mentally send him pictures of coffee and bacon and biscuits with gravy. He must be getting the hint because he heads in to shower. I know I have no time. Hygiene is for the young and spry. If I don't get greasy solids into my stomach to wrestle down the incorrectly made Irish car bombs we did the night before, I am going to have a much bigger problem on my hands. I cannot be all barfy for the drive I had ahead of me. I have 6 hours before the next show. It's back in Las Vegas so that will give me about 20 minutes to get ready. I can't even get some hair of the dog in me to alleviate my internal suffering. I have to drive. I know I look like a hot turd on the hood of a Pontiac, so I reach into my backpack for my trusty face sheet mask: the basic bitch's human white out.       Face sheet masks have blown up in popularity over the past few years (Check out this article the Guardian published on the rise of the sheet mask). I love them. I love the ease of use. Open it up, pull it out, slather it all over your face, boom you're a new woman. On second read, that came out wrong.       I can find them in pretty much any beauty store out there now. Ulta has a fantastic selection of brands from all over the world, Sephora carries a wide array, and Bath and Body Works has one of my current favorite collections.       I keep these face sheet masks on hand whenever I go on long road gigs. The traveling is really hard on your skin. Different altitudes, humidity, and water quality across the country means some skin care is a must if you don't want to end up looking like the poster boy/girl for binge drinking. Plus for me, it's important that I present a happy fresh face for the wonderful people who drag themselves out of their homes to come and see me in these clubs and bars across the country.       There are some other easy to find and inexpensive items you can keep in your travel toiletry bag for quick fixes and to give your skin a little bit of life back. I am not the best with skin care overall, but I have had to undo the damage inflicted on my skin by my love of whiskey on almost a weekly basis. Here's my tool kit of Hangover Skincare supplies: 

1. Witch Hazel Witch Hazel is a natural astringent. As I get older, I appreciate more and more the quick facelift this skin tightener gives you. Apply liberally on clean dry skin to snap that skin back to ten years ago. Learn from me, applying to your vagina will not have the same affect as your face.  Another plus to witch hazel is it's anti-inflammatory properties, this will help reduce any redness or swelling you have going on from partying and falling asleep with your makeup on.  2. Apple Cider Vinegar Dual use for me here. First I eat like shit when I'm on the road so a shot of this every morning gives my digestive system the little boost it needs to fight off those gas station taquitos I had for breakfast. Secondly, it's a great way to naturally get rid of large pimples or zits. Just soak a cotton ball in it and hold tightly against the affected area, and most times I see it gone within 24 hours. I've seen it do wonders immediately for the redness. I will only use Bragg's Apple Cinder Vinegar with Mother because you need all those lovely live bacteria, proteins, and enzymes to do their thing.  3. Pond's Cold Cream My grandmother swears by this drugstore face cream. It smells like a nursing home on date night and has the consistency of warm Crisco. However, my grandmother looks 50 and she's in her 70's. Same goes for her mother before her, and they all swore by the same product: Pond's. In the morning and at night. I love to slather my face with this stuff before I go to bed on days I'm feeling particularly dry. I'll wake up in the morning more moisturized than ever, and needing to wash my pillow cases because it looks like a Rorschach test. I've opened up my world to other overnight face creams, some more expensive and some less, and I always come back to Pond's.  I know there are a lot of great skin care products out there, but I'm a creature of habit and I am extremely poor. These are options for girls like me. Girls who don't take skin care as seriously as they should, but also kinda want to try. Kinda.