#but rrr was my final straw

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Tagged by @lilithfatale (😘) to answer these questions and then to tag nine people to get to know better.

last song: Figure You Out by VOILÀ

currently watching: Perfect Propose (amazing), Anti Reset (cute but I'm scared of possible impending angst), Dead Friend Forever (amazing), Playboyy (struggling to keep up with it), Cherry Magic (Thai version, adorbs), The Sign (waiting on finale), also slowly getting through Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha with my parents (they are getting into the fluffier kdrama stuff!), and slowly working through a rewatch of DS9 with some friends.

three ships: Oh, just three is hard. Payu/Rain (Love in the Air), Dan/Yok (Not Me), Li Cheng/Mu Ren (HIStory 4: Close to You). Special mention to Chen Yi/Ai Di (Kiseki: Dear to Me).

favourite colour: varies between blue & purple

currently consuming: most recently had one of those Trader Joe's Brownie Crisp Coffee ice cream sandwiches

first ship: oh wow, I'm trying to remember. Maybe Mulder/Scully?

relationship status: contentedly single but in a never say never kind of way

last movie: RRR, it was pretty rad.

currently working on: In my head, a million things. I actually have a pretty solid idea forming for a spinoff Laws of Attraction story about Nawin and a new romance in his life, so feel free to vibe me some energy to work on that.

no pressure tags for @slayerkitty, @theelast-straw, @infinitelyprecious and anyone else who wants to!

[anyavaramyr]

The feminine urge to write rrr and/or kgf fanfiction at 3 am in the morning

[tisthepoetl]

There are many stressors in a modern day lifestyle.

Usually these include the looming threat of death, the monotony of working for currency that stopped being useful years ago and deer.

There are so, so many stressed people. Made worse by the apocalypse that didn’t happen, the riots that most definitely happened, and the negotiations that have been “in progress” for the last few years.

The amount of rapid budget changes are stressing out some people. The amount of rapid cultural exchange is stressing people out. If you work in any field, any field at all, you are likely to be stressed as all hell.

Eventually, they have to pick someone on the ship to be shown as an expert negotiator. No one is prepared for this. Most of them are middle men, most of them don’t have a clue what they’re supposed to be doing, and all of them are panicking.

So they drew straws. The most important decision of all time is made by dumb luck, and honestly that’s a pretty good metaphor for everything happening right now.

Name someone on their haphazard crew and they will have a conflict of interest. Name one member and they will be grossly under qualified.

America has four ambassadors out of the eight chosen. Not because they’re the most presentable, or the most qualified, or the best possible choice, but because they overpaid for a privilege nobody wanted.

If all of this goes to hell they're getting the blame. And if they get the blame the only plan is to point at whoever was voluntold to be leader and pray for leniency.

Every part of this is a desperate attempt to stall before the actual powers back home have found a way to bullshit having any actual control of things.

It shows.

It really, really shows.

So, who was the unlucky scapegoat for the possible downfall of all of humanity?

If you guessed Samantha who wasn’t supposed to even be on this ship, you would be correct!!

Seriously, she was the back up for someone who was almost conceivably qualified. Sort of, if you squinted and ignored the fact they were only there via nepotism, only to be pulled out once everyone realized they were sacrificial lambs.

And then the replacement was also saved from this bullshit via bribery and blackmail and probably some other third sketchy thing she doesn’t know about.

So, here she is, Samantha who had planned on changing her name before realizing she wasn’t getting out of this. Samantha, the replacement for the replacement who was chosen by a lottery held only for the illusion of equal opportunity.

There are literally billions and billions of people whose lives will be affected by whatever she ends up doing. Countless children, parents, lovers and friends and siblings. All of whom would either die or live by whatever ends up happening.

Luckily, she has one coping mechanism which never fails: Repression!!

So she thinks about literally anything else. Thinks about her favorite song as the ship nears the giant towering shape of the Galactic Senate’s meeting place. Thinks about fluffy dogs as she is led by the hand through walls and portraits and treasures with descriptions she can’t read because there are no translators yet.

Thinks about her mother, thinks about her sibling, thinks about the fact everyone could literally die and it would be her fault, and wow she’s already here.

The meeting place has a mouthful name that she could only pronounce if she managed to dislocate her jaw, grow a new set of teeth, and get a proboscis. Everyone calls it the Meeting Place, because again, there are no working translators, they all have to rely on vague equivalents.

The Meeting Place is a moon sized ship, so incomprehensibly large that any species will be able to fit. It has a dock, and a large empty room with nothing in it except for alien leaders who could slaughter them all at a whim.

There are no chairs. The temperature is set to “Mildly unpleasant but liveable.” Unity and democracy means that everyone is equally uncomfortable, because this exact temperature is workable for most species.

Samantha feels a chill down her spine, both from the cold and the fact that so many of them are glaring at her. She is in the center, her crew is placed too far away to help her, and their borrowed ship is miles away from where they are now.

She prays to the gods she doesn’t believe in and hopes she can stall well enough for the clusterfuck back home to get their shit together.

“H…” she starts eloquently. She tries to refind where the rest of humanity’s first impression was stationed, but her view is blocked by the hundreds of giant aliens. “He..llo?” she finishes.

There’s a click, and she flinches back because what if that’s a weapon. A small cube clatters to the ground in front of her, before popping up and showing a hologram.

She would be visibly impressed, in awe, if it weren’t for the fact she’s half sure these diplomats could take any reaction as an insult.

She wouldn’t be able to explain herself either, it’s too early for any sort of translator to have been made, it’s too early for anything about human body language to be common knowledge.

The crowd surrounding her rustles, fins are raised and noises are made and colors are changed. It means something, probably, but she can’t tell what.

The hologram cube makes a loud, ear splitting sound, like a mix between a flatlining heart in a movie and a fire alarm going off. It snaps her out of her spiraling.

There are two large lines pointing at a screen that is pulsing with the most neon red she’s ever had the unfortunate luck of seeing. She stares at it, and realizes it’s a quiz.

Well, more like a shitty rushed powerpoint. Like something you would make in under an hour for the fun of it.

It says, “What Human Want [Ask],” and she has the sneaking suspicion that whoever made this wasn’t trying very hard. Underneath are barely recognizable butcherings of numbers, listing answers from one to three.

“1. Want hurt. Want no us. Lone want.”

“1nd. Want love. Want share. Want us help.”

“1rd. Want no meet us. Want late meet. Want lone.”

All of it is….confusing to say the least. At this point she doesn’t even know if this is a joke or not.

Then again this wasn’t supposed to be her job, she doesn’t understand them either, and maybe they were genuinely trying here. But then again there are so many of them, they probably have enough resources to make at least a dozen Earths and this meeting took multiple years to take place.

The red that flashed before flashes again, than flashes a disturbingly real fingerprint on top of the answers.

She presses the second one, and wills herself to not regret it immediately. Love, sharing, help, all of that sounds good.

Except what if the help is from humanity? What if their definition of help, share, love is killing everyone ever living and she just doomed it all?? What if it means—

“[Greeting] [Greeting Happy] [Greeting Love] [Greeting Happy Angry Bored] [Greeting (Deragotory)]” a voice drones through a translation of the crowd. Samantha wonders when this will be over, and if she’s going to die of anxiety before that happens.

“[Greeting Small Childish] [Greeting Sad Fear] [Greeting (Endeared)] [Greeting Pain Hurt] [Greeting Love Fear Pain]” it doesn’t stop, running through every risen scale and moving limb to translate some vague approximation.

The aliens have translators. The translators are awful. This is taking so much time, which is good for the mission of stalling and bad for Samantha’s sanity.

“[Species Name (Derogatory)] [Mother (Derogatory)] [Criminal (Deragot—]“ the whole crowd is making noise, some like barks and some like tweets and some like a monster out of hell.

And all of them seem to be arguing? Or insulting each other? Either way it continues on for a long stretch of time with nothing but noisy aliens and a robotic voice reciting nonsense that always ends in “(Derogatory.)”

“[Wrong: Too long.] [Wrong: Too fast.] [Wrong: No word Human.]” The sounds are longer, most of the crowd making them rising and puffing out to be bigger. “[Plea Slow.] [No Word for Our Word.] [New Local Child Pet Ally speak.] [No word for Our Word.]”

Samantha realizes once again, that she should’ve left when she had the chance. And never entered that stupid lottery.

“[I hate every single one of you.] [Stop! The Ally-New-Child-Local may hear.] [You are all stupid [Species Name]]” the noises transition into understandable sentences. “[The small Diplomat-Traveler will be confused. Stop.] [They are doing fine. They will not understand our words.] [When is that useless translator going to update, Myy-Rrr-Pl?]”

Humanity as a whole can only take so much. One human as a whole can only take so much. She is halfway to a mental breakdown, fully confused and honestly she just wants to go home. This is the kind of wonder she would love if she didn’t have to personally deal with the consequences.

So she goes the way of most unqualified, underpaid workers, and gives up. She isn’t going to scream or sabotage anything, but her ability to feel was already warring with the tempting concept of not giving a fuck.

She speaks, for the second time. “I can hear you. And I don’t much appreciate being called a child.”

“[.....]” the crowd is finally silent. She basks in the peace.

“[I told you to stop confusing the Ambassador.] [Shut up Myy-Rrr-Pl. You didn’t even get these made right, we had to make a presentation, that’s how awful you and your tech were.] [It's working now, okay?]” The peace was lovely while it lasted.

“Humanity wants, uh, to not be dead,” she says. “And to not be enslaved either. Or like used as food.”

“[Can you understand it?] [Of course I can, I’m the one who learned the language.] [You barely learned it. You put half that presentation into a free-use translator.]” they keep talking, keep barking, chirping, hissing over her. “[This is a disaster.] [It’s not that bad. My presentation went over well enough.] [Myy-Rrr-Pl shut your beak about that [intercourse (derogatory)] thing.]”

“CAN YOU BE QUIET FOR ONE SECOND??” Samantha shouts above the arguing ambassadors. There is only so much she can tolerate, the noise alone is irritating but the senseless, contextless bickering is unbearable

“This is ridiculous,” she continues. “I don’t even know what’s going on, none of you dropped us an explanation. Why can I suddenly understand you? Who the hell is Meer-er-pull? And what the fuck is going on?”

There is no more translation, and nothing to translate into constant robotic rambling. There is no peace in the silence, just an underlying tension as every alien in the room turns to stare her in the eyes.

She wonders if she’s fucked up, if she’s doomed literally all of humanity because she couldn’t tolerate it all and lashed out. There’s an apology on the tip of her tongue, but she can’t manage to push it out through the indignation and fear.

No one breaks the silence. None of them speak. Samantha’s momentary confidence wavers and she considers making a run for it before realizing there are more of those giant aliens stationed at every exit.

“[....Aumko, I think we may have [intercourse (deragotory)] this beyond fixing.] [Feces (Derogatory) Feces (Derogatory) Feces (Derogatory)—]” Luckily, it doesn’t sound like she’s going to be executed for this. Unluckily, the aliens are just as unprepared as they were, and it wasn’t going to get any less confusing, was it?

“[I told you [Anatomical Feature (Exapserated)] that we should’ve started with a smaller group of diplomats. Instead of a “proper” meeting with everyone involved, we should’ve picked one from each of the 3 species, then gone from there. That would’ve been—]”

“I’m not getting any less confused here!!” Samantha cuts off the alien. “I’m not getting any younger either, I’m sick of your childish bickering, get over it and give me an explanation. Please, for the love of god.”

There’s a moment of pause as the translator spits out a bunch of meaningful white noise. It takes a couple moments before one of the birds speaks up.

“[We should cancel this until another time,] the bird chirps. Which isn’t satisfying, which isn’t an explanation, but hey it does technically fulfill the mission of stalling. And honestly she’s taking any win she can get from this. “[We’ll meet up with one of their diplomats, in a less noisy location. They’ll meet with one ambassador from each of our species.]

“[That doesn’t make sense though!!] [How will we even choose?] [A smaller meeting would be a sign of disrespect, we must show that we don’t view the New-Ally as lesser.]” the noise starts up again immediately.

“[SHUT UP!!]” roars one of the giant bears in a show of irritation that she can relate to on a spiritual level. “[Myy-Rrr-Pl will serve as the [Error: No suitable translation]’s ambassador. I’ll be the second ambassador. The third will be Kss’ta.]

There are ruffled feathers, low growls, no outward arguments but no agreements either.

“[I will quite literally fight anyone who decides to waste my time any further.] the bear is...puffing up? The mane of fur around its neck is puffed up like the pelt of an angry cat. “[Myy-Rrr-Pl is the only one who can even half speak the language, and who has the most context. Even if her presentation was awful.]”

“[I’m going to be there personally to ensure this doesn’t happen a second time. And Kss’Ta is the only one of you [Species Name] [Intercourse (Derogatory)] who doesn’t argue around in circles.”

The crowd is unhappier than ever. The bear speaking sounds done with it all. Samantha is too exhausted to give a shit at this point, and just decides to be glad it’s finally over, for now.

“[Is everyone here agreed with me?”] it flares about the room, ears pinned flat to its head and mane big enough to engulf the whole of its neck. All of the crowd flinches back, no one argues too vehemently, though complaints are muttered.

The bear turns to Samantha. “[You have my apologies for my own behavior, and the behavior of these [Species Name (Derogatory)]. We’ll escort your ship back to your station.]”

Relief hits her in a mix of “it’s finally over,” and “thank fuck no one died.”

Everyone leaves, with the mission sort of accomplished, with the peace talk sort of working, and a compromise no one is happy with. Except for Samantha.

But then she learns she’s the ambassador for humanity again, and a piece of her dies at the revelation.

Humanity’s welcome to the galaxy was chaotic, idiotic, ill prepared, and an overall clusterfuck of literally galactic proportions.

At least no one died.

[wagooglet]

SammyTheClassicSonicFan’s entire “Rant Against the Sonic Fanbase: You All Ruined Sonic” video: The Transcript.

OK! THAT IS IT! THIS IS THE FINAL STRAW! I'VE HAD IT WITH ALL YOU FRICKIN’ TROLLS AND ALL YOU FRICKIN' HATERS AND ALL YOU FRICKIN SONIC FAN FRICKS. YOU GUYS ARE THE ONES THAT RUINED SONIC FOR EVERYONE! CANT YOU SEE THAT? WHAT THE FRICK! ARE YOU GUYS DOING! ASKING FOR ALL THIS FRICKING GARBAGE- WHY DO WE NEED SONIC ADVENTURE 3? WHY DO WE NEED SONIC HEROES 3? WHY DO WE NEED ANITHR BOOST TO WIN TITLE? WHY DO WE NEED A SONIC 2006 SEQUEL? WHY DO WE NEED ALL THAT? CANT WE HAVE A 3D [ENVIRONMENT] CLASSIC SONIC GAME FOR CRYING OUT FRICKIN LOUD! YOU GUYS KILLED THE SONIC SERIES ALL YOU FRICKIN FAN FRICKS AND YOUR FRICKIN FANTASIES SPEWED OUT AT YOU BY FRICKIN POO MERCHANTS!!! I’M TIRED OF ALL YOU FRICKS! I’M SO FRICKIN MAD! I’M SO FRICKIN MAD- I MEAN, YOU GUYS- YOU GUYS HAVE OFFICIALLY MADE ME LOSE MY MARBLES! WHY CANT YOU GUYS JUST ASK FOR A 3D ENVIRONMENT CLASSIC SONIC GAME! THIS IS A NIGHTMARE! [THROWS CHAIR] I’M SURE NO SONIC FAN PREDICT- WOULD PREDICT- THAT THE ADVENTURE- THE ADVENTURE FANTASIZES WOULD RUIN EVERYTHING! [BREATHING HEAVILY] AND NOW- AND NOW I BET BY NOW THAT SEGA HAS GOT A FREAKIN SONIC ADVENTURE 3 IN DEVELOPMENT WITH SONIC TEAM BECAUSE YOU FRICKIN FRICKS CAN’T EVER, BE QUENCHED. YOUR FANTASIES CAN’T EVER BE QUENCHED- CAN THEY? YOU FRICKIN FRICKS. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN.. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES!? YOU GUYS KEEP ON ASKING FOR SONIC ADVENTURE 3! YOU’RE RUINING THE SONIC SERIES- HASN’T IT ALREADY SUFFERED ENOUGH!?

AND IT’S STILL SUFFERING! WHAT THE FRICK! SEGA JUST CAN’T PERFECT SONIC IN THE MODERN WORLD, CAN THEY? ALL ‘CUZ WE HAVE TO HAVE MODERN SONIC! WE HAVE TO HAVE THE MODERN CHARACTERS! WE HAVE TO HAVE WE HAVE TO HAVE AN ADVENTURE TITLE DON’T WE? ANOTHER ADVENTURE TITLE! AAAHHHH!!! YOU FRICKIN FRICKS! I’VE HAD IT! I’VE FRICKIN HAD IT! YOU GUYS HAVE OFFICIALY RUINED EVERYTHING! YOU’VE RUINED THE SONIC SERIES THE SONIC SERIES IS DEAD BECAUSE OF THE SONIC FANBASE I WILL FOREVER HATE THE SONIC FANBASE THEY RUINED EVERYTHING RUIN EVERYTHING! I HATE THE SONIC FANBASE! I! HATE ‘EM! [BREATHING] WHY IS THE SONIC FANBASE HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS? WHY’S THE SONIC FANBASE HAVE TO BE SO NUMBSKULLED!? CAN’T YOU GUYS FRICKIN’ ACCEPT, THAT WE NEED A 3D ENVIRONMENT CLASSIC SONIC GAME!? HOLY FRICKIN’ FRICKS! HOLY FRICKIN’ FRICKS! WHY CAN’T WE HAVE A 3D ENVIRONMENT CLASSIC SONIC GAME? IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK? WHY CAN’T WE HAVE A SONIC CD SEQUEL- OR A SONIC PREQUEL- OR, EVEN, A PROPER SONIC 4!? WHY CAN’T WE HAVE THAT!? WHY DO WE NEED A SONIC ADVENTURE 3!?!? WHY DO WE NEED THAT?!? WHY!??! TELL ME! (GETS UNCOMFORTABLY CLOSE TO THE CAMERA) TELL ME. TELL ME NOW! RAAH! CURSE YOU SONIC FRICKS! YOU GUYS RUINED IT! YOU RUINED IT AND YOUR FRICKIN FANTASIES YOUR ADVENTURE FANTASIES- LET’S SEE, OOH YEAH GIVE US A SONIC ADVENTURE 3, GIVE US TREASURE HUNTING- GIVE US SHOOTING- THAT’S WHAT SONIC’S ALL ABOUT, HUH!?!? RIGHT! RIGHT! SEGA, RIGHT! GIVE US FRICKIN’ MORE SONIC CLONES! YEAH, WE NEED MORE OF THOSE! AS IF SHADOW WASN’T ENOUGH- OR SILVER, OH WOH, WHILE YOU’RE AT IT, WHY NOT- WHY NOT FRICKIN’ GIVE US MORE DRAGON BALL Z SONIC DUELS! WE’LL NEED THAT HUH! WE ALL NEED THAT! WHY DON’T NEED CLASSIC SONIC RIGHT!?!? WROOONG!!

WHY DO YOU GUYS HAVE TO RUIN IT WITH YOUR FANTASIES!? WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS- I MEAN, FOR MONTHS, I’VE BEEN GIVING EVERYONE MY IDEAS OF A 3D ENVIRONMENT SONIC GAME IN THE STYLE OF [SIDE 3 AND KNUCKLES] WHICH IS PERSONALLY THE BEST SONIC GAME! OKAY!? I MEAN- SEGA NEVER ACKNOWLEDGES [SONIC 3 AND KNUCKLES]- IT MAKES ME SO MAD! I MEAN, WHY DOESN’T THAT GAME GET ATTENTION EVEN SONIC CD DOES! THIS MAKES ME SO FRICKIN’ MAD, YOU SONIC FANS HAD TO RUIN EVERYTHING WITH YOUR ADVENTURE FANTASIES! HOLY FRICK! OH, GIVE US SONIC ADVENTURE 3, GIVE US SONIC HEROES 2, GIVE US SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG 2, GIVE US SONIC 2006 2! SONIC 2006 SEQUEL, YEAH, GIVE US MORE BOOST TO WIN. YOU GUYS ARE ALREADY ASKING FOR MORE BOOST TO WIN- OH YEAH, FRICK [SONIC LAWS RULE] GIVE US MORE BOOST TO WIN— NO!!

YOU FRICKIN’ FRICKS! YOU GUYS HAD TO RUIN IT! YOU GUYS HAD TO RUIN IT! WHY!? WHY, WHY!? WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS!? WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS? WHY? WHY? WHY WHY WHY WHY? YOU SONIC FANS, THE SONIC FANBASE JUST GOT ME FRICKIN’ WORKED UP! ALL ‘CUZ THEY CAN’T GIVE US SOMETHING ACTUALLY ACCEPTABLE! JUST WHAT THE FRICK, WAHT THE FRICK. THIS MAKES ME SO MAD. YOU GUYS RUINED EVERYTHING WITH YOUR ADVENTURE FANTASIES YOU GUYS ARE FRICKIN IDIOTS- WH-WHY’D YOU HAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING!? WHY? WHY!? JUST WHY? WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS? I’M TIRED OF THIS! I’M TIRED OF THIS! THE SONIC SERIES IS RUINED (POINTS TO CAMERA) THANKS TO YOU GUYS! YOU FRICKIN FRICKS! HOLY FRICK! WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY?!?! RRR- I HATE THE SONIC FANBASE SONIC IS RUINED WHY CAN’T YOU GUYS LAUNCH YOUR REBUTTAL AGAINST SEGA FOR A 3D ENVIRONMENT CLASSIC SONIC GAME!? WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THAT HARD? YOU. FRICKIN’. FRICKS! FRICKIN’ FRICKS! FRICKIN’. FRICKS!

AND LIKE I WAS SAYING EARLIER SEGA NEVER ACKNOWLEDGES SONIC 3 AND KNUCKLES! WAHT THE FRICK! WHY CAN’T THEY EVER FRICKIN ACKNOWLEDGE THAT GAME! THEY NEVER FRICKIN PORT IT! YOU ALWAYS SEE THEM PORTING FRICKIN SONIC 1 AND SONIC 2- IT’S NEVER SONIC 3 AND KNUCKLES! WHAT THE FRICK, IF SEGA JUST TRIED TO MAKE A GAME LIKE SONIC 3 AND KNUCKLES, I BET THAT COULD RECOVER THE SONIC SERIES! YOU FRICKIN’ FRICKS SAY, OH, THE SONIC SERIES CAN’T BE FRICKIN RECOVERED- IT CAN BE FRICKIN RECOVERED IF YOU GUYS WOULD JUST FRICKIN COOPERATE! AND FRICKIN ASK FOR A 3D ENVIRONMENT CLASSIC SONIC GAME! HOLY FRICKIN FRICKS! WHAT THE FRICK IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS? WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS!? WHY CAN’T YOU GUYS ASK FOR SOMETHING FRICKIN WORTHWHILE!? WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS? HOLY FRICK I HATE ALL YOU FRICKIN FAN FRICKS! AND LIKE I SAID, IT’S ALWAYS SONIC 1 AND SONIC 2! THOSE GAMES ALWAYS GET ACKNOWLEDGED IT’S NEVER SONIC 3 AND KNUCKLES! THAT’S THE BEST SONIC GAME! HOLY FRICKIN’ FRICKS! IT’S NOT SONIC ADVENTURE 2! IT’S NOT- IT’S- IT’S NOT SONIC ’06 LIKE SOME OF YOU SAY- IT’S NOT SONIC 2006! YOU FRICKIN’ FRICKS COME TO MY CHANNEL AND SAY, OH, SONIC 2006 IS THE BEST GAME! I KNOW IT’S JUST YOU FRICKIN’ TROLLS TRYING TO FRICKIN’ TRYING TO FRICKIN’- TRYING TO FRICKIN’, MESS WITH ME, WHAT THE FRICK! WHAT THE FRICK! YOU-YOU FRICKIN’ TROLLS SEE THAT— AGGHH!!! GET OFF MY CHANNEL RIGHT NOW! YOU FRICKIN’ FRICKS! I HATE ALL OF YOU! WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE LIKE— MM. THIS. WHY CAN’T YOU GUYS JUST FRICKIN’- UH- WHY CAN’T YOU GUYS JUST FRICKIN’ BE GOOD PEOPLE? AND, THE SONIC FANBASE— CURSE THE SONIC FANBASE! YOU GUYS ARE ONES THAT RUINED THE SERIES! YOU RUINED THIS ENTIRE SERIES, HOLY FRICKIN FRICK..S! UH. AND GUESS WHAT? MH. YOU FRICKIN’ FRICKS— OK, SIGH, YOU KNOW WHAT? MARIO’S DOING MUCH BETTER RIGHT NOW. I MEAN, WHEN FANS REQUESTED UH, WHEN FANS REQUESTED, A 3D ENVIRONMENT CLASSIC MARIO GAME, NINTENDO FRICKIN’ DID IT! WHY CAN’T SEGA BE THE SAME? I THOUGHT WHEN SONIC LOST WORLD WAS ANNOUNCED- IT WAS A 3D ENVIRONMENT CLASSIC SONIC GAME.. BUT GUESS WHAT? INSTEAD, WE GET SUPER SONIC GALAXY! OK, YEAH, I’M SORRY.. I’M SORRY.. THAT. OK, I ACTUALLY LIKE SONIC LOST WORLD- I’M SORRY. I’M JUST GETTING WORKED UP, ‘CUZ OF YOU FRICKIN’ SONIC HATERS! HOLY FRICKIN FRICKS! I MEAN, THIS MAKES ME SO MAD! YOU FRICKIN’ FRICKS! JUST RUINED EVERYTHING! WITH YOUR FRICKIN ADVENTURE FANTASIES- YOUR FRICKIN FANTASIES (STARTS CRYING)

(CRYING CONTINUES. he keeps crying for like.. a solid minute..) YOU FRICKIN’ FRICKS.. RUINED EVERYTHING… YOU FRICKIN’— ADVENTURE.. FANTASIES… (SOBS) WE CAN’T GET A SONIC 2006 SEQUEL, YOU EEE-DIOTS! ‘CUZ THAT’S WHAT RUINED SONIC THE FIRST TIME.. (BREAKS DOWN SOBBING. GURGLES) YOU FRICKIN’ FRICKS! YOU GUYS HAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING! I HATE YOU FRICKIN’ TROLLS! FRIIIIIICKKK YOOOOOU!

please… sonic fans.. i beg of you. please, stop porting sonic adventure 3.. and support my idea… of a 3d platforming classic sonic game PLEASE. please.. please.. please, all sonic fans out there.. we can assemble.. and… heal sonic for good. WE DON’T HAVE TO LISTEN! TO THESE ADVENTURE- FANTASIZERS. THESE FRICKIN’ FAN FRICKS. WE DONT HAVE TO FRICKIN’ LSITEN TO THEM. PLEASE.. PLEASE SONIC FANS- WE [INAUDIBLE GURGLING] STOP SUPPORTING SONIC ADVENTURE 3- STOP! RUINING! SONIC! YOU FRICKIN’ FAN FRICKS RUINED SONIC [GURGLING SOME MORE]

FRICK! FRICK! OWW! FRICK! FRICK! FRICK. [LOUD YELLING] FRICK! THIS IS FRICKIN’ STUPID! UUURGHHH HGHUUURGH CURSE YOOOOOU CURSE YOU SONIC FANBASE.

[roll end credit song]