#but shhh whatever i love him anyway!! he may be a questionable villain but he's MY questionable villain

[silverselfshippingchaos]

i hate s.eifer a.lmasy so much

[waifu-13]

COLORS  Dabi x reader angst

warnings - slight abuse mention, death mention, badspelling 

"Your little brother never tells you but he loves you so.

You said your mother only smiled on her tv show.

YOUR ONLY HAPPY WHEN YOUR SORRY HEAD IS FILLED WITH DOPE."

You just spit words of venom into your boyfriend, Dabi's face, another fight between what once was a thriving young love.

Enraged he screams back, "YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT MY FAMILY, LEAVE THEM OUT OF OUR FIGHTS."

You finally had a enough of this. The last words you said to him...

"I HOPE YOU MAKE IT TO THE DAY YOUR 28 YEARS OLD."

And with that you storm off, leaving Dabi all by himself to think back on what happened. Were you really gone for good? Maybe...

 {a few years later}

Your sitting at you and your new boyfriends house, watching a movie with his little sister. Until she looks at you and asks, "Tell me about your love like the movie?"

In that moment you flash back to the memories of your love.

{flash back} 

 Your laying on your boyfriends lap. He looks at you and asks, "Why do u love me?" You sit up to look at him and answer after thinking for a moment.

"You're dripping like a saturated sunrise.

You're spilling like an overflowing sink.

You're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece."

He scoffs a bit at your cheesy answer, but kisses you right after.

 {end of flash back} 

 "EARTH TO Y/N." You hear a voice yell bringing you back to reality.

So tell me about your love. You looked at the child in front of you and answer. Looking at your, current, hero boyfriend.

"Well everything is blue, his pills, his hands his jeans.

That's the best way to describe him kiddo." She looks at you confused.

"Y/n that didn't answer my questionnnn. Can you tell me more please?" You look at her kindly and give a slight nod before answering again.

"Of course kiddo,

Now im covered in the colors pulls apart at the seams.

Everything is white, his smoke, his hair, his dreams. And now he's so devoid of color.

Does that explain it?"

"YEAH THANKS Y/N!! Do you really feel all of that about my brother?"

"Ah, yes of course. Let's just watch the movie yeah?" You both turn your attention back to the movie, but your mind wonders off again.

 {flash back}

"What other cheesey shit can you say?"

"Wow, so rude to your girlfriend huh #####?"

"Just saying baby." He chuckles enjoying ntge reaction he got from teasing you. "Tell me more."

"As you wish,

your a vision of the morning, of the morning light when the sun came through.

I know I've only felt religion when i've lied with you."

 {flashback over} 

 "BABY YOU THERE?? " You snap back to realty seeing the man standing infront of you.

"Yeah sorry im not feeling well." you respond to explain your odd behavior.

"Oh ok? Let's go to bed early then. I have patrol super early tomorrow, plus im looking for some villain guy." you simply nod.

You and your boyfriend walk to your shared room. You both climb right into bed. He puts on the news and looks at you.

"What were you talking about when talking to my sister?"

"Well you of course. She asked about my love so..."

"Huh. Would you like to explain more?"

"Yeah, sure." In the middle of explaining you think of your last fight with Dabi. The words he screamed back...

 {flash back}

"YEAH YOU THINK YOU'LL BE FORGIVEN?

YOU'LL NEVER BE FORGIVEN TILL YOUR BOYS ARE TOO,

YOUR ONE OF US Y/N."

"WELL IM STILL WAKING EVERY MORNING AND ITS NOT WITH YOU,

THAT HURTS I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE WE'RE OVER DABI."

"Y/N WAIT! DO-"

{end of flash back}

"Babe?? Earth to y/n?"

Pulling yourself out of a flash back once again, you shook your head and tried to focus. Clearing your head of the night you dreaded so much.

"Yeah sorry. I mean- Do u want me to repeat myself?"

"Yeah, what you said earlier was sweet somehow." He kissed your cheek as you utter the same words to the question from before.

"Everything is blue His pills, his hands, his jeans

Now im covered in the colors pulls apart at the seams.

Everything is white, his smoke, his hair, his dreams. And now he's so devoid of color he don't know what it means.

And he's blue."

"Thanks babe. I'm so happy I was able to help you turn your life around. And now I have he best partner." He praises you and holds you close.

"Same love, samee". In that moment you wish you were with your self in your thoughts.

 {flashback}

"Y/N WHY ARE YOU LEAVING! YOU DON'T MEAN IT RIGHT? I LOVE YOU." Your blue and you liked me because I was red, but you touched me, and suddenly I was a lilac sky. Then you decided purple just wasn't for you.

"Dabi I love you too but I-"

{end of flash back}

"On tonight's news infamous villain Dabi has been rumored to have died during this arrest tonight." You stared at the screen in disbelief. Did you hear that right? The world started to blur and you let out a sob. Your boyfriend looked at you and finally put everything together.

"YOU STILL LOVE THAT VILLAIN! WAS WHO YOU WERE DESCRIBING?" Without answering him you get up and run to the one place you know to look for Dabi. Praying that he'll still be alive.

You arrive at the lov hide out.

"Dabi, is he...? " You couldn't finish your sentence, the words get caught in your throat.

"He is y/n. "

"Now leave. You left us to join the heros. Dabi wouldn't have wanted to see you anyway. "

"That's a lie handys man. And u know it." Toga says as she throws herself at you, all while glaring daggers at Shigaraki. The truth from twice and the hurtful words from Shigaraki were to much for you. In-between sobs you say "Let me join. Please."

"Fine, whatever. Just leave me alone." Shigaraki rolls his eyes.

Toga helps guide you to Dabi's room. You lie down on his bed and grab his pillow. You start crying even harder. The love of ur life was gone. Your blue. Everything you loved, or so u thought... Late that night, while still crying like a lost child on the verge of giving up and passing out. You hear the door open.

"Go away toga." You mange to voice.

" Afraid I can't, after all this is my room." You recognize that voice! You shoot up and see Dabi beaten badly, but alive. You run over to him and hold him tight.

"Dabi. I missed you. I thought you were gone."

"I know baby, I missed you too. I'm sorry I had to scare you to get you back here." You squint up at him with your puffy eyes

"What to you mean Dabi?"

"I knew you missed me. I just didn't know how to get you away from that hero." You looked at him shocked. How would he know? Did he tap your phone? Almost as if he could read your mind he starts to explain.

{flash back} (Dabi's pov)

"I hate this. Why can't I take a brake Toga? "

"Because your gonna wanna see this." He scoffs, what could possibly be so important.

"See what?" As soon as the words leave his lips, he sees you, sitting with that stupid hero. At least your happy now. "Why the hell would I wanna see that? She looks happy with that asshole."

"NO! look again."

"Nothing's gonna change if I do." Yet he still looks again. He missed your smile. But then he notices you looking down at the small burn he left on your arm that dreadful night. "Is she smiling at it?" He sounded surprised.

"YEAHHH SHE MISSES YOU!"

"Huh... Let's go brat, I got some planning to do."

"OOH YOU GONNA WIN HER BACKK?"

{end of flash back}

-and that's how I knew." Your villain lover explained.

"Dabi?"

"Yes y/n?"

Can we get back together again? I missed you and I was wrong. I wasn't happy with him."

"Shhh... You we're always mine. And I was always yours. So of course we can." You hug your boyfriend tight that night afraid he may just slip away again....

Everything is blue. His pills. His hands. His jeans.

[peggysousfan]

Moving On

This is an Avengers Endgame Fix-it fic for the dance scene. Fro anyone who has not watched Endgame, do NOT read this, because it does contain spoilers. I think what Steve did at the end of the movie was dumb and makes no sense. And the fact that the writers said he did it 2 years after Agent Carter series means Daniel is either dumped by Peggy, killed, or made into so villain. None of which make sense. So here is a fic that fixes that. Enjoy!! :)

There in a small, quaint house, a woman stood. She swayed to the light music that filled the room as she and enjoyed this day of peace and quiet. But to her dismay, it wasn't too peaceful for long. A knock breaks the tranquility of the house, and she grumbles. 'Bloody hell, who could that be!' She thinks to herself. As she walks to the door and opens it, all of her senses take hold. Before she or the visitor are aware; a gun is ready in her hand.

"Who the HELL are you!?" She demands.

"You're telling me you don't recognize me, Peggy?" He says. And yet she can't believe her eyes...the man before her must be an impostor or a ghost. And given her job, neither is impossible.

"Who. Are. You." She orders between teeth. Her blood begins to boil in anger as they flow through her veins in rage.

"Its me, Peg. Its Steve." He smiles a small smile as he looks at her with pleading eyes as his hands are held in the air, a sign of surrender.

"No. No you're not. Who are you really? And don't lie." She says, interrupting him before he speaks again. "Steve Rogers died in a plane crash 4 years ago." Her eyes never leave his face as she keeps her gun pointed to his heart.

"Peggy. Its me, I swear. I can prove it!" She keeps her gun up and undoes the safety, glaring at him. He sighs and drops his hands. "Is it too late for that dance?" And at that her entire being freezes in place.

"Cotton Club. At 9 O'clock." She says, her hand easing so slightly. He looks down at the ground and chuckles.

"The Stork Club. At  8 O'clock on the dot. But I guess I kind of showed up a little late..." Peggy lowers her gaze to the ground and then her gun, putting the safety back on. "So...about that dance." He smiles. She looks back at him and takes the butt of her gun and whacks him on the side of the head.

"You bloody WANKER! Where the HELL have you been!?!?" She hits him again and he backs away.

"Okay okay okay! I deserved that." Her face turns an angry red and he looks at her, enchanted. "Peggy. I can explain everything I swear. Can I just-" He looks down and sighs. "Can I just come inside. Please?"

"I with someone, Rogers." She exclaims. His eyes bulge in shock, but he shakes his head

"Damn, already? I knew it was too late a year..." He mumble the last part to himself.

"What?"He starts to panic, shakes his head, and looks away.

"Can I just come inside, Peggy?" She's still extremely unhappy about the turn of events, but none the less, invites him in.

"Just...be quiet." she says. He gives her an odd look, but nods his head anyway. "Now, are you going to explain where you've been for the past 4 years or am I going to have to beat it out of you." Peggy states as she stands in the living room, her arms crossed. Steve looks around and then back at her and laughs.

"Do you think we can dance first?" She looks around as if fighting an internal battle. But decides eventually decides.

"Fine. But one dance. One!" She stresses. He's confused at first but smiles nonetheless. Peggy walks over to the radio and turns the volume up, slightly, as to make sure its not too loud. He stands before her, his arms open wide. She hesitates at first. but takes his hand and they sway. For a while everything is quiet and calm.

"So are you going to tell me where you've been the past 4 years or not?" He looks at the ground, a saddened smile in his face.

"4 years..." He looks up at her and shakes his head. "Try 12 years." Her face slacks and her eyes enlarge from shock.

"What!?!" She starts to yell but catches herself. "You went down in 1945. Now its 1949...Not 1957!" She yells in a loud, teeth clenched, whisper.

"Its...complicated." "No, its not. What the hell are you talking about 12 years?!"

"You may not believe me if I tell you...and even if I do I don't know how much I can say so it won't break the space time continuum. Or whatever Bruce and Tony called it. Or was that Scott?" He asks himself. "Look, I don't know okay. I just know I can't tell you everything."

"Your speaking as if I know any of those people." She tilts her head and lifts her brow. He looks away sheepishly. "I can guarantee I've heard much stranger things than Time Travel, Rogers. Now what the hell is going on?"

"How did you-"

"Space time continuum? I'm not an idiot. Besides, I'm friends with Howard Stark and work at the Strategic 'SCIENTIFIC' Reserve. I have to know a little bit of that, don't I." She smirks. He may not understand who she was quoting, but she does; and her cheeks redden at the thought of that man. She misses him...

"Long story short....I'm alive-"

"Obviously." She says, un-amused.

"I'm technically still in the ice, right now, in the plane. Well the me from 1945 is." Peggy squints her eyes as he tries to explain. "My body is discovered 70 years later by technology in the future. As of right now, that technology doesn't exist, so you can't save me." She rolls her eyes as he says this. The more he talks the more frustrated she becomes. "I made a new life for myself, got some friends and some....family." He smiles at the thought of the Avengers. "We all fought like hell together saving the world and universe again and again. But our last fight..." He stops speaking and swaying. "Our last fight came at a big price. Too big. And I just...I couldn't stay anymore. I had to retire."

"And leave your family and friends behind?" she asks

"They'll understand." She shake her head at his words

"Understand. Understand what exactly? That you abandoned them?"

"I needed to leave, Peggy. I-I can't stand being there without them. It hurts too badly. If you could go back in time to a place where you were happy and didn't have to be reminded of the people you love and lost, would you do it?"

"No." She looks at the ground. "I wouldn't. Instead I would face it head on and live my life to honor them." "That's what I'm hoping to do." She looks up at him and before she knew it, his lips were on hers.  And she immediate backs away; not without a quick slap on his cheek."

"What the HELL is wrong with you!?" She yells in a whisper. "I told you I was with someone. "

"But that doesn't mean we don't deserve a chance, Peggy." He reaches out to her and she backs away, her face red with anger.

"I moved on years ago. How dare you-" She turns away, a hand on her her head. "How dare you suggest I leave him simply because you decided to come here."

"I came back for you, Peg. I traveled 79 years into the past to be with you. We deserve to be happy!" he proclaims "Keep you voice down!" She yells in another whisper. "I-I can't believe this. You actually expect me to stop my life for you." "That not what I said. I said-"

"You said you want me to leave Daniel so we can have a chance to be together." She turns to him, her arms crossed. "But that's never going to happen." She starts to pace and walk to the kitchen.

"You don't even know if your relationship with..who, Daniel? will even work. We were meant to be together Peggy." She looks away and grips the edges of the kitchen table hard. "Maybe I should have just gone back to 45'" He mumbles.

"WHAT!" She yells, forgetting about being quiet. She storms back into the room and shoves him so hard he leans back and grabs the couch for stability. "How dare you insinuate that you should have went back and erased everything I have built and worked for in the 4 years you have been gone!" Another shove. "What I have with Daniel is more than a simple 'fling' to keep myself occupied while you were 'dead'!" She tries to lower her voice and he looks confused. "And for all you know if you hadn't gone in the ice, how do you know I wouldn't have fallen in love with him anyway and we would still be here. You wanting...this...fantasy of there being an us, while I moved on and fell in love with someone else." she says as quiet as she can.

"Why are you trying to be so quiet? Its not like anyone else is-" "Mumma...?" Steve stops talking and turns around. A little girl walks in, a teddy bear dragging in her hand, as she rubs her eyes. Peggy rushes over to the child and picks her up.

"Darling what are you doing out of bed? I thought I said you need to rest?"

"Daddy..." She looks around the room as she gives a small cough. Peggy kisses the her cheek and holds her close.

"Daddy's not home, yet. You'll see him later, alright love?" She looks at her mum and then at Steve, and points. "That... is no one important." She give the girl another kiss and feels her forehead. "In fact, Mummy's....'friend' was just leaving. Weren't you?" She turns to him and glares. It wasn't a question; it was an order.

"Mumma..." She say as she closes her eyes and snuggles as close as possible to Peggy, squeezing her little arms around her neck, and Peggy holds the little one close.

"Shhh, its alright darling." She bounces her a little and starts to walk away, then turns to Steve. "Stay here. DON'T move." Peggy leaves the room and tucks the little girl back into bed.

"Daddy..." She says again. Peggy gives a small smile and kisses the little girls warm head.

"It shouldn't be too long now, poppet. Here," She gives her the bear and the girl holds it tight. "Every time you think of Daddy, you hold that tight. And it will be as if you're holding him, alright?" at first she is confused, but eventually she understands. Even at 2 years old, she understands more than most children her age. "Sweet dreams, darling. I'll be back later to check on you." She embraces her daughter and walks out of the room, softly shutting the door behind her. Peggy leans against it for a few moments as she wipes away a loose tear. She hates lying to her little girl. When she is fully composed she walks back into living room and finds Steve leaning against the couch.

"If you tell anyone about her I swear to God I will kill you and make sure your body is never found."

"I didn't know you had a kid yet..." he says shuffling his feet.

"Yet? What are talking about?" She crosses her arms and glares t him. She has an idea and the thought of it makes her boil."And don't say its nothing. You've been to the future so you know." He sighs and rubs his face.

"In the future you...get married. And have two kids." Peggy is taken back by this and sits down.

"You-" She gives a dry chuckle and turns her head away from him. "You know I'm suppose to get married and have children and yet..." She turns to him and stands up. "And yet you still thought you would travel to the past and try to change my life. What sort of person does that?!"

"I-I thought it wouldn't matter. You know, maybe, it was me all along. You never told anyone who your husband was and you never displayed any pictures of him in you room. At the nursing home that is." He corrects himself. "So I thought-

"So you thought YOU were my husband and the father of my children??" She fixates her eyes at him and he shrinks his figure. "Do you have ANY idea how selfish and egotistical you sound?!?"

"You never told anyone like you meant it to be secret. Like it would effect everything if anyone knew his identity! And besides, you told me you got married around 1949-1950 and didn't have your first kid till 1952. That's what YOU told me."

"Did it ever occur in your sick sadistic mind that I never tell anyone about my husband and his identity because we work in a field of dangerous people who will use our relationship and family against us?"

"Well yeah, but I thought you did that because those kids could have been ours and they could have gotten the serum from me. I thought you were doing it to protect us and our-"

"You're an inconsiderate bastard! Do you know that?" She says in a quiet and deadly tone as walks towards him slowly, her fist clenched.

"What? No I'm not, I-"Her fist meets his face and he stands back, shocked. Steve rubs his jaw and looks up at Peggy. He's still in shock and doesn't expect the next few that fly at his face and chest. He backs away from her and notices the blood from his nose. "Peggy..."

"Go home, Steve. Back in the future where you belong."

"I can't!" She glares at him and he lowers his voice. "I can't get back. I used all the particles to come here for you."

"Particles?" She lifts a brow.

"Pym particles. That's how it works. I use them to get into the Quantum Realm and travel through time. If it wasn't for Scott, well no according to him it was the rat, but-"

"What?" Now she's confused and angry.

"Look, Scott came out of the realm after being trapped in it for 5 years. But to him it was only 5 hours! He came back and came up with the idea of using the quantum realm and the particles to travel through time.  Bruce, Scott, Nat, and I all went through hell to try to get it to work." He looks down as he mentions Natasha. Then chuckles. "Both of course Tony came in and figured it all out. Like father like son I guess."

"And why exactly did you need to travel through time?"

"To bring back the dead."

"WHAT!"

"Look I said our last fight came a at price, and it did. We fought long and hard to avenge and bring back everyone who died because we failed the first time." "The first time..."

"Yeah, we uh...had to fight this...all powerful purple alien guy who used magical stones to destroy half of all life." Peggy backs away from him and runs a hand over her face. "That's why we had to bring everyone back but Tony and Nat...I just I can't be there Peggy."

"So rather than manning up and grieving properly for your friends you decide to distract yourself by trying to go back in the past and start a new life? Forgetting about EVERYONE you ever loved or cared about in the future."

"They'll be fine without me! Sam can lead them and he has Bucky too! For once in my life I-"

"Did you just say James is alive? James Barnes, your best friend is in the future?!"She yells in a her whisper. Steve looks away sheepishly.

"You weren't suppose to know that, actually." He rubs the back of his head as Peggy closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

"Where is he now, right now, in 1949? And don't you dare say I can't know because I'm sure half of what you have said I shouldn't know." He sighs and looks away at the ground.

"He...hes with Hydra..."

"Hyd-" She turns around, hand on her head and walks back and forth. "What. The. HELL. Are you doing here!?!?!?" She says through clenched teeth. "How can you stand there, begging for me to stop my life as it is, be with you and start a new, all the while knowing your best friend from bloody childhood is being tortured by the likes of Hydra!?!?!? How-" Peggy takes a deep breath and groans.

"Peggy, I've accepted it! This is how it has to be so we can meet again in 2015. I was going to honor him by naming our son after him." She turns a bright red as she glares. "I have to let let Buck, go. I have to let them-" She walks over to him and kicks him in the balls. He groans and hunches over.

"I can assure you that will never happen." She takes her fist and punches him on the side of the heads.

"Uhm...Pegs?" She turns around to the sound of her name, and when she does, she gasps.

"Daniel?!" She runs to him and throws her arms over his neck, holding him for dear life. "Oh thank God." She cries and snogs him breathless. Her hands cup his face as his hold her back. He tries to pull away, but she doesn't let him. "I was so worried. Its been over a month and you hadn't answered any of my calls of letters or-" He stops her with another kiss and wipes away her tears.

"I'm okay, Peg. I promise. I'm in two pieces, which is normal." She laughs. "Things just got...complicated in Europe. Howard wasn't any help either."

"When is he ever?" She cheeks. His eyes venture over to Steve as he stands up from the floor.

"So...can someone tell me what I missed?" Daniel asks. Before anyone speaks up, the little girl appears at the door and drops her bear.

"Daddy!" She runs to him and Daniel's smile brightened the room.

"Lizzy!" He picks her up and kisses her cheek. "Meu pequeno anjo" She giggles and lays her head on his chest. "Elizabeth? What the-" He looks at her and feels her head. "Peg she's burning up."

"I know. She's been like this all day." As the little family of three talk and stand together, Steve watches from a distance, his gaze floating to the floor. "I've been letting her sleep all day and keeping the house as quiet as possible...although that hasn't exactly been easy." She turns to Steve and glares. Daniel looks up and swallows, hard.

"And we have a house guest I see." He says.

"More like an intruder who's been getting on my last nerve." Daniel looks over her, puzzled and amused.  "Who, no doubt will find his own way home."

"I told you I can't."

"Well then cry me a river. Figure it out yourself."

"How am I suppose to do that? I have no where to go. I can't exactly-"

"I don't care how or what you do. All I know is that you are not welcome here, so you can go and find a way to make a living, or not. That's your choice."

"Peggy...please." Steve begs. Daniel looks at her and touches her arm, comfortingly. She smiles at him and starts to calm down, slightly.

"I have no doubt you thought you could  come here and expect me to welcome you with open arms and suggest you stay until you're back on your feet." He looks away ashamed. "But that is never going to happen."

"That's not what I was thinking."

"No? Oh well what then? Were you thinking we would get married almost immediately?!"

"Wait, what?" Daniel asks. Elizabeth looks up and pokes her dad. He looks down at her and she smiles.

"Mumma." Peggy turns around and looks at Lizzy. She points and Peggy go grabs the little bear and gives to to her daughter. Elizabeth squeals in delight and snuggles with Daniel, waving her little toy around, with a little cough.

"Oh, yes I need to speak with you about that. Later, of course," She eyeballs Elizabeth and Daniel understands immediately. "But no. You had no right to think that I would ever give up or stop my life for you. I feel sorry for your family and friends, they're too good for you." Steve looks away and crosses his arms. "And as for what is going to happen next? You will leave and I will live happily with my family. And no, you are not invited to our wedding."

"Wedding?!?" Daniel says. Peggy smirks and winks at him. He smiles like a fool and Lizzy laughs at her father, poking his cheeks; making him smile wider. "Daniel and I have made a life together, one that may have been done backwards, but it is done. I love him with every fiber of my being. And you? Will never change that. So goodbye Steve Rogers. And don't ever come back here.

"Peggy-" "Now." Steve walks away and closes the front door behind him.

"So...why is the gun out in the table?" Daniel asks. Peggy laughs and reaches out to kiss him. Lizzy coughs a little and laughs at her parents.

"I wasn't sure who that was at first, so..."

"You grabbed the gun. Smart move." He smiles and kisses her cheek as he holds his daughter to him. "And Lizzy? How long has she been sick?"

"A few days. I think its just a cold, though. She's been getting better. And much more active since you've been home." Daniel smiles and sits on the couch with the two loves of his life, and that's how they stay. Seated as a family, happy and in peace; although Steve watches from the window, they pay him no mind. Because this family of 3 will do great things in the future, and Steve Rogers has no hand or say in any of it.

[gruntadminloch-moved]

What's something you don't bring up a lot but is integral to his character?

Help Me Develop My Muse(s)! Ask questions about my OCs, even if they’ve been answered/discussed already.

I feel like I bring it up a lot lately but maybe that’s on Discord, but.

Loch doesn’t like being the way he is.

He hates it.

His behavior is conditioning and [poorly written on my part] mental illness.

He hates being subservient, he hates not being able to think for himself, he hates that he relies on other people for how he should feel and think and what he should enjoy, he hates the way he is!

He’;s not that way intentionally. He doesn’t really have any sort of control over that. Its just how he is and how he’s been conditioned to be. And he doesn’t want to be that way. He doesn’t want to be obedient and roll over for Guzma all the time. Not that he doesn’t love and respect him, not that he doesn’t think he deserves respect, but he knows how drastic and extreme his behavior is but he does not know how to stop.

That’s why he’s trying to grow and develop himself and know himself and learn to stand up for himself and all of that.

But he’s also scared to.

I feel like he’s also too direct with his answers a lot. Like, I think I avoid writing it out the way it’s supposed to be because it’s kind of a hassle?? But he’s actually kinda stumbly when answering questions about himself and he tends to answer with other people’s answers or turn them around on the asker or hesitate and seem uncertain of himself. Maybe it’s that he’s been asked a lot of questions he understands his answer to already–favorite Pokémon, favorite color, favorite tastes, etc–so he’s able to answer more confidently which makes him feel a bit better.

But he’s very uncertain of himself overall unless directed by another.

Unrelated: People being upset with Loch I feel like I rarely get to portray. He’s very agreeable so he winds up not conflicting a lot or causing a lot of agitation in his superiors or when he interacts with others. When he does, he tends to be anxious and quick to try and make things right, but he’s also strangely stubborn and insistent in his behavior(that he hates.)  Because it’s what he knows. He struggles to fathom that somebody cares about him or his interests or his own opinion, so when, for example, a Guzma gets mad because he’s apologizing a lot or he gave an indirect/open/vague answer to avoid conflict or his answer was something like “whatever you’d like is fine” when he wanted like a real human response and not a pleaser response, he can’t really. Comprehend it as more than a test. He has a lot of things he needs to learn to understand.

Bonus Unrelated: Originally Loch was going to have had been a former grunt to another group–Rocket or Plasma or Flare or Galactic or someone else with huge villain plans. This was originally going to be the explanation of his “Master” thing and his weirdly obsessive and obedient behaviors–he’s used to his boss being like a king or a god and that Guzma’s so…normal and human in comparison just makes him even more worthy of it.  However I concluded that “well if he’s from one of those other groups he may be foreign, which doesn’t really make sense with the whole background thing of Team Skull and Island Challenge failures and the like.”  So I put him in Aether instead(after someone assured me someone else we no longer speak of wouldn’t be mad about what I was worried may have been seen as me “stealing his idea”.) Somehow I managed to make it work(I mean I know how I managed to make it work but at the same time ‘he’s never been to school why did they make him a scientist” shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it’s the pokemon world sometimes people don’t go to proper school shhh don’t ask so many questions or do so i can explain myself lol.) He was also planned to have a lot of dog Pokémon because I thought it made sense for a guard character to have that kind of team. Then I considered “he has a team of shockingly and bizarrely strong Pokémon that you’d expect of like a fucking Champion but you never actually fight him because you don’t have to” hen I thought “wow that’s op let’s tone that down.”  The muse then suggested “i like flying types and snakes” and I worked off of that. Somehow, he wound up with really strong Pokémon anyway??  Gift Pokémon play into things really strangely lol