#but that depth is lost on twitter users… i guess idk

[metallteeff]

still thinking about this tweet i saw this morning that was like guys petscop is bad bc the creator based it off a real case and like yea that was shitty. we shouldn’t let him forget he fucked up with that but then people were all like this is why i never liked petscop petscop is soooo bad and i’m just kind of like. okay.

like you guys realize really impactful art can have shitty production behind it or like be hard to consume right. idk this isn’t about what tony did or like defending him it jisy very much seemed like i’m going to hate this thing now bc of this fucked up thing in its production and it was clear the ppl saying that really had never watched petscop idk

[incarnateirony]

An apology, but a story.

Okay guys, sorry for uh, talking so much about Pillowfort lately. I do mean it when I say I’m still here to stay until Tumblr totally dies, and I know I’ve been posting a LOT of PF content, but I’m also trying to help tailor an environment over there where this fandom can thrive. Add in momma’s heart attack and coma and my dash has been a hot mess and bare bones of my usual content, and I apologize.

But at the same time I’d like to sort of tell a bit of a flashback story of social media, fandom, and why I really do hope the best for Pillowfort. Some people are too young to remember the slow death of Livejournal, and I’m having like, flashbacks from that. I wasn’t in SPN fandom itself at the time but I was on LJ, so if you’re 

worried about your friends leaving

intent on sticking to tumblr hell or high water

kind of upset at some friends trying to manage both

Let me give a little bit of history to explain what people are doing right now and why.

Long long ago, in a digital world far away when the internet still screamed at you when you connected to it, fandom wasn’t really globalized like it is. Twitter didn’t exist. Eventually Facebook was a hot new commodity not everybody adopted immediately. Tumblr wasn’t a sparkle in anybody’s eye. 

Fandom was mostly relegated to php forums and places like Livejournal. Livejournal proved to be -- at the time -- one of the best methods to engage in fandom. You could have your own journal, but you could also join communities with your account and comment on long discussions. 

There were weaknesses of this to be sure. Notifications were pretty raw to nonexistent compared to how we know of them modernly. You had to basically manually check the comm to stay on top of things, and what was said in that comm was choked to that comm. Now, that had its strengths: you could control the community and posts, ergo minimizing flame wars, but it made fandom a bunch of pigeonhole wings and, to be honest, echo chambers. Lots of things got missed, overlooked, and what have you. And god help you if you pissed off a big name fan in your wing that owned one or most of the communities you went to. Replies and the ilk were pretty limited on what you could do, too. But it was something. It was more than just a standard forum. You could still try to cross-engage.

Then came the LJ Purge, which... is pretty much identical to the Tumblr purge. New rules banishing NSFW to the depths of the internet, some out of control censorship, targeting all LGBT content no matter how pure as NSFW and explicit -- you name it. They didn’t really have wildly out of control filterbots, that’s a new modern invention just to shit in our bin a little better, but you get the idea. What happened -- and is still, more quietly, now that the shock has passed -- to Tumblr is what happened to LJ. People lost mountains of work. 

Now, LJ didn’t die overnight. It died over the course of a few years. Some people left fairly quickly, others tried to stay aboard. For example, Destiel fandom was fairly young at the point the LJ Purge kicked off, and were already sort of outsiders among the fandom newsletters that were more Gen or Wincest doused at that point because -- well, duh -- they had a several year running start on that platform. The communities, as above, were really regulated. There just wasn’t room to breathe. Sure, they had their own comms, but once material started vanishing, they were much more eager to, en masse, migrate to a new platform. And yes, some stayed behind longer, because people, even in shipland, aren’t a borg.

Other communities, like gen or Wincest, stayed behind longer. They had years of built up work and huge communities they were attached to there and it was a lot harder for them to let that all go. But it didn’t get better. More quietly, once the hysteria ended, people just lost their will to continue to use livejournal and they more dribbled across.

Some went to Dreamwidth back then. Some went to tumblr. Long term, tumblr worked for everybody until now. Dreamwidth was pretty much Livejournal, minus censorship, plus a few bells and whistles but it worked for a few people, but let’s face it -- that’s not where central fandom ended up.

Now, people are talking alternatives. Some are saying to go back to Dreamwidth. I refuse. 

Because there’s a reason it wasn’t the most successful platform in the past and we’ll go back to completely segregated fandom like before and 

because certain aspects of fandom that DID go to Dreamwidth and stay there, have still been there, and are a huge thorn in the side to almost anyone with their head screwed on straight, Destiel fandom or not. J2 tinhats are the eternal asscramps of the fandom and they’ve squatted on dreamwidth for their crazy ass tinhat page for years, god knows they probably went to adjacent communities, god knows how ingrained they are into it, and I am NOT willing to deal with that level of horse shit again.

Pornhub tried a grab, that didn’t work, as it shouldn’t, for a list of reasons as long as my arm; Mastodon was suggested, but has a huge issue in some of its other channels that people don’t want to float in the vicinity of. 

And then there’s Pillowfort.

So look, Pillowfort is young, it is a smolbabe. In a few months it went from 4K users to 25K users and is growing innumerably by the day. Its servers are struggling. That turns some people off. I get that. But that isn’t permanent.

So first of all, early pioneers are what make migrations work. Just like LJ had its initial members, and then tumblr had its early migrators, places like Pillowfort can be the same. Dreamwidth already has its foundations. That’s redundant, and foundations I’m not even going to touch, much less the regressive, divisive form of communities that will segregate all of us again. It’s fine if you aren’t one of the first people to take up the platform. The people ahead of you will start laying down content and communities and, if it works out, you can join in when you’re ready.

So what makes Pillowfort so fucking special?

Okay, so check it out. On tumblr, we’re used to reblogging shit into the bowels of the internet. As Pillowfort grows it, too, has that capability with some differences.

The boldest difference is that when you reblog, your opinion doesn’t get attached to the end of the post. It just reblogs the base post. Some people initially complained and thought that was the loss of a feature but came to realize it’s a blessing.

You see, that means someone can’t kidnap your post with a shitty opinion to reblog it to their friends with a shitty opinion that all attach their heckling shitty opinions. Like, let’s say it’s someone that’s Destiel fandom reading this. Ever had an anti shit reblog your post and it run wild? Well, now, if they try to reblog it, all they reblog is... your Destiel post. Thanks for that.

So how do we actually say what we need to?

Well, fam, it incorporated elements from LJ/DW, in having threaded replies. Multiple threads if so needed. The threaded replies are capable of housing just about anything an OP has. So a blog post has, alongside Like/Reblog notifications, comments. Open the post, read the comments, start an actual conversation with some merit. Did some douchebag come to spam your comments since they can’t reblog? No problem, delete their shitty comments and block them, problem solved.

But it doesn’t end there.

See, like LJ, PF has communities. While your post can reblog just about anywhere just like on tumblr, you can blog or reblog them into the communities you follow. Anyone following that community, whether they follow you directly or not, gets that turning up in their feed, maximizing your spread. So sure, it’s a young platform and you only have 20 followers or whatever, but if you make a general Supernatural style post and blog it to the SPN com, 300 people (at current) see it. If you post something to the Destiel comm, over 200 people see it. It’s a way to even find new accounts and friends.

If you don’t like something that’s turning up in a community, you can blacklist shit. And/or find a more appropriate community if it gets out of hand to you.

When you make your own communities you can have internal discussions or blog in/out posts, you can set rules, promote moderators, remove or ban problem users, and generally control the flow of your community to keep out shitlords. But, if for example, you subscribed to a community that turns out to be secretly run BY a shitlord because, IDK, maybe they don’t like that you think Sam is bi or something, most of these communities are large and blog in/out/engageable enough that you won’t lose your contacts, you WILL find your people over time, and you won’t be completely choked off to a singular abyss.

So the base beat is

PF treats every single post like any root post on an LJ/DW comm, but is able to be reblogged from/to communities or your own blog page as freely as tumblr.  PF takes the best concepts of current and previous fandom platforms in its base application and lays a groundwork that literally all of us can prosper on if it survives and continues. 

But that’s the catch.

And it’s cool if you aren’t ready to completely take that leap yet. I get that.

“I kinda like PF but it doesn’t have X feature-”

Okay look, PF is a smolbabe, like I said. It’s in beta. The thing is, they’re adding things every day. They have a dev list like 2 pages long for goals and things are getting crossed off and added like, biweekly. It might already be on their list to add. And if it’s not, guess what?

The staff actually give a shit and react to questions and concerns. There’s entire beta groups to talk about features with bugs, and/or features that should be added or adjusted. There’s a comm to talk directly to the staff about things.

A small, young platform needs people willing to be out there saying what would improve the experience. So if you go there, you’re not just fandom pioneers, you’re social media pioneers if you so choose to be. It’s not mandatory. You can just fan in your space how you want. Or you can go to the beta groups and staff groups and tell them what you think would improve the experience. 

And again, it’s okay if you aren’t willing to move right now.

I’m not moving entirely. I’m double blogging, and will return to my regularly scheduled blogging on tumblr here soon, now that my life is calming down and I got most of my PF heavy lifting out of the way. But I want to make a nest in case this does pan out to be the next forward horizon, rather than taking a step back to something like Dreamwidth that segregates us all again. I want to help them build that platform. 

But I’ll still be here with you guys.

But if you’ve felt like friends are abandoning you

Please try to understand the history, please understand what they’re doing and why they’re doing it, and just try to encourage them to cross blog where you can/will engage. And if you’re feeling daring one day? Try to poke your head into PF.

I have one remaining key that I’m willing to give a really good fandom creator. I gave one to a meta-mind and I’d like this to go to a heavy, inclusive gif creator, because that’s still a sparse art on PF. You’d be the belle of the ball just for crossposting your work, in a place that DOESN’T have a threat of it getting deleted when tumblr throws a hissyfit. Just post on both. Tada. Suddenly you’re the popular kid.

If you’re interested, if you poke your head in, check my recent post listing communities that are growing rapidly and the ilk to know where to get your feet wet. Or send me a DM. I’ll help.

We good? Cool.

[lovewavesxx]

Love Waves - EP 1 - I Tried

Click here to read Love Waves - Introduction

“Since they decay so slowly, Love Waves are the most destructive. They are what most people feel directly.” 08-14-17 1:09PM xx.

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/user/ericajones10/playlist/578xr70RSiNTat98VyNGiy

Apple Music: https://itunes.apple.com/us/playlist/love-waves-ep-1-i-tried/idpl.u-55D6JjVCx9Xkmj

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwEZgDEorNRSaeQLydheC9AIVennrYqme

1. SZA – Supermodel

2. blackbear – idfc (Tarro Remix)

3. A$AP Rocky – L$D

4. Big Sean – Jump Out the Window

5. NJOMZA – poison

6. mansionz – A Million Miles

7. Lil Dicky - Molly (feat. Brendon Urie of Panic at the Disco)

8. MUNA – Winterbreak

9. The 1975 – Somebody Else

10. Colouring – About You

11. Bebe Rexha – I Got Time

12. G-Eazy – Tumblr Girls (feat. Christoph Anderson)

13. Chris Brown – Autumn Leaves (feat. Kendrick Lamar)

14. Logic – Nikki

15. Wiz Khalifa – Promises

16. Lorde – Liability (Reprise)

Please listen to the playlist the first time without the shuffle on. Read my explanation after listening to the playlist at least once.

Click here for my twitter @ericajones1010

Click here to leave a comment or say something idk :)

(Disclaimer: Not every playlist will go as in depth with explanation as this one.)

Next week’s playlist is very light and pretty much no thinking is involved. :)

I Tried says what it means. I tried. This being the first playlist of the Love Waves series I tried to make it effortlessly flow. Surprisingly, this playlist was really easy to make. Some of the playlists coming in the future weeks are proving to be more challenging.

Who knows maybe nobody will even listen to them or read this. That’s alright. This is for me. These playlists are an extension of the being that I am. I really missed doing radio and sharing music constantly, so I’ve decided to curate weekly playlists. From Me. To You, if you’re listening.

I can relate to the theme of I Tired. All of the songs in there are songs I am attached to in some level of depth. There’s a theme of dysfunctional love running through most of this playlist. I have cried to some of these songs. Certain people or memories run around my mind when these songs play.

Supermodel opens up I Tried to paint a picture of wanting someone to love you even when you can’t quite seem to love all of yourself. There are so many lyrics that I can’t just relate to. At the basis of this opening song I feel an insecurity in myself and the others who have rejected me. Rejection is hard in any form, but I think when someone says no to you as a person it feels like something is fundamentally wrong with you even when things just weren’t meant to be. Sometimes things seem to line up, but they actually just don’t in reality. This song feels like a push and pull of “I don’t want you, but I need you to stay,” and I can heavily relate to that feeling. I’m sooo indecisive when it comes to things I really care about. I had a friend this summer who kind of helped with that a little. Like, he would make me pick the place to eat or what to do. Something so small as that really helped me grow to not be as afraid of making decisions when someone else is with me. When I care about someone I just want to do what they want to do. What makes them happy will be more than okay with me. I think that kind of killed it for the last guy I really cared about, or still do care about I guess. When he can’t make up his mind and you can’t make up your mind and you just keep wanting the other to make a decision already, it can cause some frustrations. Anyways, this is a vulnerable song of, “Your wrongs and my wrongs aren’t making anything right.”

Click here to see the music video for Supermodel by SZA (right now it’s only on Apple Music sorry)

idfc the Tarro Remix is just a fantastic remix of a great blackbear song. The song explains its importance to the playlist so easily by essentially saying, “As long as you’re there I don’t fucking care. Good or bad it does not matter.” There’s a toxicity in that type of relationship.

L$D is in my top three favorite music videos of all time. There’s this magical connection between music, and lights, and colors that is absolutely unmatched. Those are three of my favorite things. The emotion in the song comes from the backing music I think. The dainty, yet trippy guitar part sets the song’s mood perfectly. A$AP Rocky’s use of the lyric, “I look for ways to say, “I love you” but I ain’t into makin’ love songs,” to me, is so simple and yet beautiful. To me, it’s this person who may not be great at expressing their emotions really making an effort for let the person they love know how they feel. Almost like it’s this struggle for them to communicate, but at the end of the day it’s just words.

Click here to see the music video for L$D by A$AP Rocky

Jump Out the Window expresses the fact of “we get along, we’re friends, there’s something here, we aren’t working to find out what it could be, you keep giving idiots your time, I’m giving other idiots my time, I’m always here for you, there’s something that you won’t leave alone, and I’m getting tired of this here and there behavior,” really well. Also, the music is pretty dope too.

poison by NJOMZA is a song I have cried listening to. The feeling of going in circles comes from the pianos in the back and is confirmed by the lyrics. This song came out in early April 2017. That was one of the roughest months I have had since I was in highschool my Junior year. Things are better now, but nothing can take back those thoughts and emotions that were dealt with by myself. Ya know, it’s crazy what the absence of someone you care about will do to you when you can see them doing fine without you. (Also, don’t watch 13 Reasons Why. Triggered.)

A Million Miles is my favorite song off of the mansionz album. mansionz has a very special place in my heart. Not to mention the lyrics are ace and the music production is absolutely amazing.

Molly. Lil Dicky does a great job of expressing the small things a person can do for or around you, that you observe even when they don’t know it’s something they’re doing. Like, the goofy little quirks a person has that makes them memorable. I’m replaceable, and I see that. You’re replaceable, and I see that too. It’s just a hard pill to swallow sometimes. I just don’t do well with goodbyes and endings. I never have.

Click here to see the music video for Molly by Lil Dicky feat.  Brendon Urie

Winterbreak by MUNA is a total song about the ups and downs between you and someone you just can’t quite let go of completely. Something about them keeps you around even when you try to stay at a distance. I first heard of MUNA when I saw them perform in NYC at the Gov. Ball Music Festival at the beginning of June 2017. I later saw them again in KC at the end of that same month. Hearing this song, swaying to this song, closing your eyes, and just being in the moment of this song being played live feels infinite until it hits you that it’s over. My mom really likes this song too. We jam in the car to it quite often. I actually got to hang out of a sunroof while blaring this song and my life felt like this detached/external music video that was fairly windy. The beginning of the chorus gets me everytime with the motion of the music and the lyrics.

Click here to see the music video for Winterbreak by MUNA

Somebody Else is written and performed by my favorite band The 1975. I have seen this song performed live at least three or four times. I saw The 1975 perform this song in both May 2017 and then June 2017 (when I went to Madison Square Garden), and each of those times was an emotional dance party of me singing my heart out. :) (Also, the lyrics, “I don’t want your body but I hate to think about you with somebody else. Our love has gone cold. You’re intertwining your soul with somebody else,” I mean come on, holy understandable. No, just me, oh okay. I’m loca I knowwww.)

Click here to see the music video for Somebody Else by The 1975

About You is performed by a group called Colouring. They are going to be huge one day. I’m calling it now. Their ability to make intelligent pop music is going to take them places. I first saw Colouring in May 2017 when they opened up for The 1975. Their stage presence is very welcoming and feels kind of heartwarming. They are just starting. I didn’t realise it until making a playlist with them that I had played one of their December 2016 releases in one of my radio shows. I got hooked on the song About You when I was in Victoria’s Secret one day in June 2017. I had a minor fan girl moment and quietly danced and sang to myself. Welcome to shopping with me..Oh yeah, back to the song. The repeated “I think about you, ‘bout you, ‘bout you” flows like a smooth stream of mellow EDM. That’s how I’d describe it anyways. The other lyrics are great too, just sayin’.

Click here to see a professionally recorded live performance video of About You by Colouring

I Got Time is a song about being selfish. I think we can all relate to that. I care a lot about some people, but even occasionally I feel the need to just do whatever the fuck I want. Bebe does a great job of capturing that with her lyrics and the music is prime driving around, windows down, dancing in my car, music. I be on my bad bitch vibes during this song haha.

Tumblr Girls. If you want to have a real discussion about what my head thinks and feels about this song you just hmu. This was one of the first songs I had ever heard from G-Eazy before I ever knew who he was. It’s in one of my SoundCloud playlists along with Let’s Get Lost. This was before I was really really into his music. Prior to subscribing to Apple Music in March 2016 I still bought CDs and that is expensive and very limiting in music selection. The lyrics are perfect in all of their chaos while describing the situation. The music is perfect and unlike anything I’ve really heard. The whole time it just feels kind of like waves are hitting you. They rise and fall and rise again and fall again. G will always have a corner reserved in my heart.

Click here to see the music video for Tumblr Girls by G-Eazy feat. Christoph Andersson

Autumn Leaves was actually introduced to me only a few days prior to this playlist’s conception. Grace and I had just gotten back from watching Logic perform in KC on August 12th. It was probably ten something at night. Grace has great taste in music. We had just parked the car, after talking about some life/relationship things, and I was preparing mentally for what was going to happen later. Then she said something like, “You’ll like this song.” We just sat there in the night with the headlights beaming on the blue apartment in front of us. She was right. I felt every bit of that song. The aggression in Kendrick’s voice. Then I knew fall was coming soon. I had that song on repeat for the last thirty minutes of my drive home Sunday and while I slept from essentially 5pm that night until 10pm something.

Click here to see the music video for Autumn Leaves by Chris Brown feat. Kendrick Lamar

Nikki is one of the very first Logic songs I was hooked on. If you haven’t noticed by now I get really attached to shit sometimes. The strings in the background mixed with whatever it is the rest of the music is made with is prime feels music. The whole time you think he’s talking about this girl he’s addicted to but at the end you find out it’s nicotine. He romanticised a substance–something that doesn’t actually talk. I can make the connection to somethings I can’t seem to get away from too and don’t truly want to get rid of I guess or else I would.

Click here to see an unofficial music video for Nikki by Logic

Promises comes right after Nikki because when I am driving around late at night this is always the order in which these songs are played. They just compliment each other so well. It’s just an Erica thing I suppose. Wiz’s Blacc Hollywood album has a special place in my heart too. I hadn’t heard it until probably late 2016 even though it was released in 2014. In NYC I was able to experience Wiz singing this song live. Now that, that was a moment with all of the lights, and colors, and smells, and bodies moving. My favorite lyric is, “And I already feel it now. It’s like you’re the only one. Only one who knows just how. How to make the time stand still. We’re caught in the moment. So don’t let me down.” I think there’s a sickeningly beautiful reliance he puts on another person in that song. Kind of like this vulnerability he’s willing to have with them. I know it can really hard for some people to open up or even just take in what another person is sharing with them. I’ve learned that. 

Click here to see the music video for Promises by Wiz Khalifa

Click here to see an unofficial music video for Promises by Wiz Khalifa

Liability (Reprise) is the ending song. On your own, I suggest you go listen to Liability by Lorde to fully understand the whole story. Sometimes, it is so easy for me to feel like a liability to others. When will you finally get sick of me? When will you have had enough? I don’t need your attention to live but I live better when I get it. That’s messed up, right? To place that dependence on another person, or even maybe people, who don’t consistently make an appearance. I’m 21, and I’m free, I should have no worries, I should not be focused on what I do not have, I should not need anyone to love me and be there for me without asking, and yet here we are. I still feel like a burden sometimes because of other’s actions or lack thereof, and I even know it’s not on purpose. I know nobody I’ve surrounded myself with would knowingly sets out to hurt me. If they did purposefully do so then that’s fucked up and on them and not me.  I would fight for them or be by their side through anything, but it never feels like they’d fight for me. My actions seem to go unmatched most times which can be really frustrating. I’m a liability. I’m a liability. I’m a liability. But I’m not. I am someone you want by your side for the simple reason I will not give up on you unless you break me so hard that I cannot come back. I was broken in April. I almost died. But you know, it’s August and I am a better version of myself for going through all of my lows. I got me through that. Granted, I had the understanding of my two closest friends. But I won. I learned to back off of the things I love because a flame can burn so strong, but if you start to smother it, it will eventually fade. I will fight for you as much as you fight for me now. I’ve learned not to love in complete abundance now. I love in pieces until the puzzle is complete, but I’m not going to force anything anymore.

Click here to watch a video of Lorde explain Liability

Click here to read the meaning of Liability (Reprise) by Lorde

Ohhhhkaaayyyy then. I hope you like the playlist! Let me know any or all thoughts you have about it or anything I guess.

p>

Click here for my twitter @ericajones1010

Click here to leave a comment or say something idk :)

Orrr you can just comment on this or just get a hold of me some other way k bye. <3

Love,

-E xx.

p.s. 

Shoutout Kayla and Adam for giving me their input with the artwork I created and for listening to the playlist when I first completed it. Your constant flow of mostly constructive (because we joke around so much) critiques and support of me seriously means more than anyone will ever understand. You both just get me. I love you both to the ends of the universe and back. <3 <3 

If you actually read all of this I genuinely want to know. Also, you da real MVP. xx.