#but the ACTUAL date isn’t till December so i guess i wasn’t thinking in terms of the Whole Saga…

[starbuck]

you know, i was trying to figure out why my brain is going so haywire all of a sudden and i realized it’s prooooooobably because it’s about a year since All That went down which like. Yes, perhaps that WAS a tiny bit traumatizing, come to think of it!!

[kpop-melody]

BTS reaction to the girl they are in love with being a Muslim

Anonymous said : How would BTS react to the GIRL they’ve fallen in love with being muslim? (As in they were friends and then they fell in love with her) If you don’t like it then it’s fine… I’ve just always been curious about this haha😂😂 -  Hey I’m the one with the Muslim question. Could you add a scenario to it as well .

HEY!!!!!~thanks for requesting ! , here’s your reaction and I hope you like it >< .

LONG POST AHEAD 

Jin :

You were used to him visiting often, everyday at 11 pm to be exact. After coming back from training and before going home he'd to come to the store where you worked to buy groceries for dinner, having the same taste in food made eating together easy. 

Your meetings weren't limited to 11pm rendezvous. Soon you knew the whole group. You two regularly 

 went to discover new restaurants. Not too long after you fell in love with him and he felt the same with you .

As you went to a new seafood restaurant with him you were overwhelming by the constant stares you were given and their mumbling about you made it worse. You pouted and looked down at your plate . 

"I always knew that hijab isn't that good on me .." you stated, he threw his spoon down and looked with anger . 

"what in the name of noodles are you talking about ?who said that ? " you pointed at the other tables, he gulped before starting to shout . 

"what ?, haven't you ever seen a beautiful girl before ? " he looked at them, you hid your face and whispered

"oppa! ,calm down " he looked at you then back at those around you

"no ,I won't calm down ,and next time don't stare ,or you'll be in a huge trouble with me and you girls ,ok ?" he pouted, took a spoonful of food then smiled at you . 

"don't worry ,you are beautiful ,even if they say things ,you are always beautiful in my eyes .." .

Suga :

Because you shared the same class and the same passion, Yoongi couldn't help but appreciate and adore you for being the best person when it came to understanding him. 

You both had a talent for reading each other's minds, he could know what songs you were thinking about ,and you were perfect at realizing how he was feeling and what made him moody. In other words, he was your mirror, and you were his secret guardian . 

As both of you reached your house, you thanked him for the stunning night he offered you as a first date ,you turned and smiled .

"Thanks Yoongi. Seriously, this was the best night I've had, especially after a long term we had this year .." you said, your eyes locked on the ground. He leaned into your ear .

"it's nothing y/n ..but really ,it wouldn't be that perfect without you .." you smiled at his words as you could feel your cheeks burn and turning red.  

After seconds of silence ,you felt him getting closer to you, you believed that he was ready to kiss you so you placed your hand on his chest and pushed him slowly , your eyes never left the ground .

"I-I'm sorry .. I can't .." your tone seemed weak and wistful, then you locked eyes with him. 

"it's ok y/n .. I think I understand ,and I believe I can wait .." he had that warm small smile which sent shivers down your spine every time, you couldn't help but smile . 

"thanks ,really thanks .." so he patted your shoulder with a gummy huge smile . 

"good night y/n ..dream about me ! " followed by both of your giggles .

Rap Monster :

It all started when he was about to fall and you helped him near the pool ,that was the first thing you’ve known about him, his clumsiness. And your interests in philosophy was the first thing he’s known about you ,and from that time you’ve found that you think the same way, and that was the beginning of your friendship .

“So not every muslim wears hijab” he said as he took a sip from his coffee, it was another normal discussion session in the coffee shop you insisted on having it every week .

“No .. “ you said while checking the phone .

“And you can get into relationships ?” .

“Yes ,in an acceptable range ..” your eyes still locked on the phone .

“Really ? .. and do you think I would be good in relationships ?” he took another long sip .You  looked up at him with a silly face .

“How this question is related to the previous one ?” he looked deep in your eyes ,with a weird smirk .

“I mean if I confessed would you reject me?” you couldn’t utter a word, so he continued .

“I love you y/n ..” his smirk turned into a warm smile, you couldn't help but blush and look away .

“Shall I say that you didn’t reject me ?” his tone still the same, happy and warm 

You took a sip and bit your lower lip, your smile never faded

“I’ll take it as a yes ..” his eyes didn’t leave you

J-hope :

You both had the habit of going to gym at midnight ,because both of you had full schedules, so your time together was always full of confessions and worries then relief while the whole gym was empty besides a few people like you.

 He found the idea of having a person to talk to with no limits so comfortable ,that you both were each others’ secrets box ,and with no worries you shared even your embarrassing moments and deep fears then .. you found yourselves in love  with each other .

“y/n ? “ he said between his heavy breathes ,as you both were working out on similar machines .

“yes ?” without taking a glance you replied .

“What’ll ever stop you from falling in love ? ,is your religion an obstacle or your way of thinking or what ?” you kept working out and answered simply .

“Nothing’s an obstacle ,feelings are not sins ..” he tried to hide his grin .

“like what would you do if someone confessed ?” you stopped ,looking around .

“Why ?,did someone talk to you about me ?” he stopped too .

“No ,I just wanna know your reaction ..” you continued .

“Well ,depends on who is he ,maybe I have similar feelings ,or how’s our friendship ,again .. it depends on who is he “ he smiled and said in a serious tone .

“I love you ..” you stopped ,took a glance at him and were lost in your thoughts .

“You ? ,love me ?” his smile turned confused .

“Why ? ,did I say something wrong ?” you shook your head and smiled shyly .

“Umm ..no ,actually ,that was so .. shocking “ he leaned to make an eye contact .

“In a good way ?” at that point you failed to hide your smile ,and continued playing .

“I guess in a good way “ you could hear his chuckles .

Jimin :

The cold breeze bothered your nose ,as your body was buried under two jackets and half of your face disappeared under your huge scarf .

Every morning you used to wait for the same bus with the same person at the same hour ,you and him shared the concerns of the previous nights ,your hope for the coming days ,and two cups of hot chocolate ,to defend yourselves from the cold breeze of December .

“Jimin-ah?” you said ,taking a sip from your cup ,and he hummed back .

“Do you believe in love ?” you asked ,so he let out a nervous giggle .

“These thoughts are for midnight ,now it’s 6 am y/n ..” you pouted slightly .

“Love is for anytime and any person ..” he buried half of his face in his scarf and mumbled :

“that’s true ..” you looked shocked at him with a huge smile .

“What ? ,are you in love ? “ he looked aways ,panicked .

“No- ,yes- ,I mean ,it’s a one sided love ..” you put your cup on the bench .

“Why ? ,why didn’t you confess ?” you could tell that his looks were sinking in sadness .

“because she’ll refuse ..” you pouted .

“Why so certain ?” he turned fast as he lost his patience .

“‘Cuz she’s muslim and I read about it and she won’t- “ he kept staring at you ,as he remembered that he told you once about you being the only muslim he’s ever met .

“Jimin-ah ..” he sat straight back ,eyes locked on the horizon .

“I might be reserved ,but I’ll never break your heart or reject your feelings ..” he looked at you with sparkles of hope .

“Really ? ..” you nodded with a sweet smile .

“And I may have the same feelings too !” you blushed .

V :

Your kindness and his spontaneous behavior were the only things that brought you two together.

His days were started and ended with your smiles and cheers. And you found that the best thing is to sharing your neighborhood with such a bright human like Taehyung .

As a friendly Tae ,your relationship wasn’t limited to saying ( hi ) every morning or night ,you also shared some free days and happy moments or even went to each others’ house  parties, till you found yourselves spending most of your days together in love with each other .

“y/n ..” he said as you both were eating ice cream at midnight ,heading back to your homes .

“yep ?” you replied carelessly .

“have you ever fallen in love before ?” your facial expressions didn’t change .

“nah ,I’m a protective person ,maybe because I’m a muslim or because of something else ,but that theme isn’t welcomed by most of the men ..” he stopped ,staring at you with a surprised expression .

“Being protective or a muslim is the reason ? ,I don’t see them as obstacles ! ,actually I’ll be the happiest if I were in a relationship with you !” you smiled back at him .

“You're such a sweetheart, but Tae ,I’ve never been in a relationship before .. so I donno how I would be !” he rubbed his neck .

“I think you’d be so cute and nice ..” you felt the heat warming up your cheeks and making them all red .

“Thanks ..” you whispered with a small smile .

“Do- do you want to try ?” he looked at you with a nervous smile .

“What ?” you puffed ,acting stupidly .

“can I take you out on a date ?” he touched his neck for the thousand time .

“ohh Tae , I- I would be glad to ..” that smile never left your faces as you both walked back to your apartments with pinky thoughts, all silent .

Jungkook : 

He has never expected that thing to happen ,to stay up all night waiting for that golden hour to come ,that hour when he used to meet you in the line to drink the same coffee at the same coffee shop ,you became a part of his daily routine , the best part .

He stepped in the shop ,super calm and bright ,and at the same time ,surprised for not being panicked ,talking to a girl was never one of his skills ,but he believed that you were an exception ,a very special exception .

“good morning y/n ! …. Are you in a hurry ?” he looked with curious eyes .

“Ohhh morning ! ..well no ,actually I’m free the whole day ,why?” he rubbed his neck in nervousness ,so you smiled ,acting carelessly.

“I was going to ask the same question ,do you have the time to drink –“ he stopped you , didn’t hear anything you’ve said .

“Wanna go out on a date ?” he immediately spoke ,getting you all shocked .You expected for such a thing to happen ,but you planned to get to know each other more,maybe he would step back if he knew you were a muslim .

“O- ..ok ,a great chance to tell you important things ..” he kept that straight face ,but the inner him felt curious to the max .

“Like what ?”  

“Well ,I’m a muslim ,and two years younger than you –“ he made a comfortable smile .

“These aren’t that important ..” .

“You sure ?” you pouted .

“I think “ he rubbed his neck .

“So .. meet you here at 1 pm ?”  .

GIFs are not mine .

Requests : Closed !

-Admin K .

Thanks Kayla <3 .

[519magazine]

Marianas Trench Perform in Sarnia Tonight for a Sold Out Show

It’s not very often that there’s a real and true personal connection when doing interviews with rock stars, but when Marianas Trench guitarist Matt Webb added Playboy model Jessica King into his life for a short period of time, my personal connection with a rock star finally happened. A few years back I worked for a newspaper in Regina with Gary King, who just happens to be Jessica’s dad. Matt and Jessica are no longer dating, but I had my connection. I wanted to start by saying we have a slight connection. Oh do we? We do. You dated Jessica King for a bit. Yeah... I’m really good friends with her dad Gary. Oh you’re kidding me. I used to work with Gary in Regina. Oh you’re kidding me. I love Gary, he’s a great guy. I still see him sometimes when we’re in Regina. And that was it. As simple as it was, I made the connection and we had a great chat about all things music in his solo career and in the Marianas Trench world. The band is headed to The Imperial in Sarnia for a sold-out show on Wednesday, September 5. It’s great to hear new solo stuff from you. Again and Again is a cool song. I was sitting around with a little spare time and I thought I would throw out a song. Nothing serious but yeah it was a lot of fun. When you write something like Again and Again, when does it become a solo song rather than a Marianas Trench song? Well I don’t know. When I was writing it I was writing with some other friends completely separate of that Mariana’s stuff and had every intention of it being a solo song. I don’t know why I just had it and we did it in December and I wasn’t in the studio and I wasn’t on tour and I was just by myself hanging out with some other friends. Do you find yourself like oh no I’m going to keep this one to myself when you do write songs? Well you know with Mariana, Josh is obviously the brains behind that one. He’s the primary songwriter obviously so he always wants to save his A-game for the Trench. You’re always trying to do your best, but there’s just certain stuff that you come up with that doesn’t necessarily fit into that particular style and maybe you save it for some other project. We’re creative people and it’s always fun to just make music whether it’s suites Marianas Trench or not. When Bad Girl came out, it looks like you had fun with the music video as the main guy. With Again and Again, it’s like you only make a cameo appearance. I love the idea that people asked you to take their picture. Oh thanks, that was a fun shoot. I’m such a miserable actor. I don’t like to plaster my face all over the place. People have seen enough of me, they can find me in other places if they need to. I just like the idea of doing a video. It was great, because I just got to sit around and eat food all day and watch the actors at work. Josh also has a new solo single out as well. Is there a friendly rivalry between you guys? (laughter) You know what, there’s no rivalry at all. I think it’s like everybody’s wishing maximum success for everybody else - it’s meant to be shared. I can’t compete with that guy, are you kidding me? He’s such an accomplished and successful songwriter and myself on the other hand, am not so much, so I really can’t compete. With solo songs out, from different member of the band, is there a danger that it may affect the band as a whole? Oh absolutely not. In fact I find that this stuff really helps the band because we’re in between album cycles right now with Mariana Trench and we’re in the studio working on new stuff, but sometimes our stuff isn’t ready to come out yet and people haven’t heard anything from any of us in a while. Its nice when Josh puts out a song or Mike puts out something or I put out a song. It’s just like keeping the name out there, keeping that brand alive. We’re literally spending 40 hours a week in the studio right now working on a new record – things couldn’t be any better. So you just said you were in the studio, when can we expect the album out? That’s a good question. I am really hoping for a release before the end of the year. I think we’ll be done. I would say we are 60/70 percent of the way there. It’s getting close and the songs are really awesome, really strong and feel like it’s some of the best material that we’ve ever done. I’m really excited to release it. So do you guys have a concept in mind for this new one? Yeah there is. It’s always nice to have a concept piece, for the writing and the recording and then a live show with photos and outfits. We’re keeping it all close to the chest right now because we want it to be a surprise for everybody. You guys have had a series of concept albums. Did they start out that way or did they develop into something as they grew? Yeah I think it just kind of evolved that way. Certainly we didn’t set off from the very beginning like that, but as we started focusing on concepts it made everything more fun and more cohesive. If you have an overall concept you can pull from it for everything – from the production of the show, the lighting, the style of photos that you take and the outfits that you’re wearing; the mood of the songs that you’re recording; the instruments that you were playing everything like that. I never really thought about that until we started doing that. So instead of just having a rock record, you’re dressed as vampires or something like that and it’s all sort of cohesive in a way. So tell me about your writing process is there a formula how you go about writing? Me personally? What I usually do is sit down at home and create a demo. I have some drum ideas and some bass ideas and I build guitar ideas and a musical track around it. And then the last thing to come is generally that the melody and the lyrics for me and that’s the way that I write. Josh is kind of the other way around. He starts with a melody in his head and then builds a song around that. And obviously he’s pretty good at it so maybe he’s doing something right and I’m doing something wrong, but I don’t think there’s rules. Some people like to start with the title and then they build around that, while others start with the whole lyrical concept. I’m a musician first and a writer later, so I start with the music and it develops from there. You’ve been with Marianas Trench since you were a teen. Teens change as they grow. Do you think the band has changed or has it grown with you? Yeah it’s definitely grown with all of us as we’ve grown older, you know certainly in terms of songwriting style. There’s different experiences to reflect on as we’re older now and when we first started we were very much like a rock band and opening for Three Days Grace and Theory of a Deadman. Now we’re sort of a pop rock band and we’re still doing what we’ve always done, but it’s just evolved along the way. And you know as we gain more experience, hopefully that’s all reflected in the music that we make, and the shows that we play. So you must still enjoy doing what you’re doing then? Absolutely yeah. We have so much fun. We have a lot of fun in the studio together and then when the studio stuff is done, we have a lot more fun on the road together. It’s like a family of four plus our crew. We’ve been together for a very long time and have a lot of fun, but I think we’ll continue to do it as long as we can. I don’t think it gets any better than this, to be honest with you. I always loved your Juno Awards red carpet entrances. They got crazier and crazier as you went along. Will we see more of that from you guys in the future? We like to wait till the last minute for those things and then quickly brainstorm something incredibly inconvenient and uncomfortable. Sometimes we’re restricted by permits and by the bylaws and you know rules and stuff, but we certainly try to do wacky things and I can’t imagine us stopping that for any reason. The problem is it’s tough to top yourself every year. You know what I mean, like we’ve had some pretty legendary red carpets instances over the years but they keep upping it every year it gets more and more challenging. It’s no secret about Josh’s past addictions – he’s been very open about it. As a high school friend, you must have seen the worst of it? It’s tough to say. I met Josh when I was in grade school and he’s a little bit older and he was just a wacky guy. I didn’t really see him as worst or anything – he was basically in school for a while and then he just disappeared, and I guess at the time I was like “Where the hell did that guy go”, but he was actually no longer in school because of some issues he had. I didn’t know any of that at the time, I was just pretty fresh so I didn’t really know what was going on and we didn’t become super close until after that time in his life. So was there ever a danger that could have happened to you? I’m sure it’s possible it could have been anybody, but I just never went down that path. I don’t know why and I thank my lucky stars that it didn’t. That was something didn’t really appeal to me. I just wasn’t interested. But you guys always remained friends and business partners in the band through the ups and downs. There is certainly a special bond there. Oh yeah absolutely, we speak our own language I suppose. It’s probably like we’re twins or something like that. We all know everything that there is possible to know about one another in our band that’s for sure. That’s what happens when you spend 15 years together. I mean I spend more time with the band guys in a band with anybody else. The Imperial is a smaller theatre. Is there a different show or a different energy at the smaller halls that you perform at? The small shows are awesome because you can engage with the audience so much more. You know you can make eye contact with every single person in the room which you can’t do at a bigger venue or an outdoor venue. I love the energy of the small shows. The big shows are so much fun because you get to incorporate a larger than life production, and you feel like a big rock star up there. But then when you get back into clubs you realize you’re missing a lot of that audience interaction and a lot of that energy that comes from those shows. Marianas Trench performs a sold out show at the Imperial Theatre in Sarnia on September 5.

Read the full article

[astoryfrom2016]

Ragini’s Side of The Story

So the reason why I’ve created this blog is so you know my side of whatever has been told to you,  which to be honest, i’m not even sure.  I just know that it feels like an injustice that I have to keep this quiet and you are the only person I care about knowing the truth for what it is. 

If it was anyone else, I wouldn’t even feel the need to explain myself but I’ve known you since I was 16, and despite that we may not talk every day or see each other all the time, you’ve still been one of my close friends and I’ve always looked up to you like an older sister.

I’m sorry I didn’t tell you for so many months what was going on or what had happened.  One reason I didn't was because you are his older sister, and I never want to paint Sharan in any sort of negative light because he isn’t a bad person.  We both got into an extremely messy situation. Right now, I feel pretty discarded, like my feelings don’t count.  That I need to be quiet and not step outside the box that he has created for me.  

It’s always been really frustrating to know how your family looked at me,  it always seemed as if I was the one chasing him, that in all these years that I was just the girl who was always after him when in reality,  it takes two to tango. He held onto to me as much (and sometimes more than) I held onto him.

I guess one of the good things about this blog is that I can also properly recount what had happened because it is such a blur honestly.  I spent most of last year battling with remaining in the shadows of his life, wanting to be chosen by him, but he didn’t, just as I knew (deep inside) he wouldn’t. 

in order to tell this story properly, i’m going to use some screenshots from my conversations of him because right now,  I look like the liar, and I promise everything Im going to say is the truth and if there are any doubts you can ask me or him about it.  I understand from his point of view, the use of screenshots is going to be a massive MASSIVE breach of privacy. And no matter what I’ll always look like an asshole too but some of the things he has said to me, I feel crazy saying that he said that without using real hard evidence.  A lot of these screenshots are used to illustrate the nature of our relationship and the extent to which he was saying things to me.

So i might just start from the beginning:

May, June, July 2016

So,  I started talking to him around this period while I was in a comfortable and easy relationship with Zain.  I messaged him on facebook saying Hi, and we simply just became friends again. At first Sharan was kinda cold towards me because of our past arguments but then he let me in and we became very close friends again.  I felt as if I couldn’t commit to Zain long-term unless I figured out my feelings for Sharan (which was a very stupid idea).

We talked quite frequently and hung out here and there.  I knew he was in a new relationship and sometimes I gave him advice + tips.  But during that whole time I would never tell Zain when I was with him and I knew Sharan wouldn’t tell his girlfriend where he was either.  

During this period both of us would make fun of each other’s partners.  It was a little obvious why we did that but we sort of both continued to make jokes about each other’s significant other and call it being protective of the other person. 

In late July after his birthday, I called in sick from work one day and Sharan had the flu so he came over and we spent the day together just cooking, watching shows, he napped while I studied, and then because my friend was DJing in the city, I asked him if he would like to tag along and we went out to dinner and Sharan got a little drunk.

On the way home we found ourselves holding hands and talking about the time we hooked up.  I asked him who he liked more me or his girlfriend and he said me, and asked me the same and I said I liked him more too, and I could kinda tell where the whole situation was going because he kissed me on the neck so I was like ok I’m going to drop you home now, but as he was leaving we ended up sharing a kiss that yeah went on for awhile.

We decided that it would be best if we didn’t see each other anymore but because he had the flu, I ended up getting really sick and he came over again to check up on me and we started talking again a little, went for breakfast later that week and ended up hooking up again.  His girlfriend came home from Europe the next day and we tried to cut contact.

August 2016

In August the we were in and out of contact, which basically means we would block/unblock each other on whatsapp/facebook when we would miss each other and it became a cycle.  But we spent a lot of August talking as I had surgery.   My feelings for Sharan started to affect my relationship with Zain so I ended things with him after surgery,  Zain knew the break up was coming for other reasons and after awhile, he realised the role Sharan played in our break up (thanks to drunk rhea again ==).

Sharan and I started getting really emotional or intense with our conversations. Like we would talk about the future (marriage) and he just said a lot of things that would indicate that he had strong feelings too.   We ended up going on a date (I didn’t actually know this was a date till he told me) to Savanas the day after I got my cast off and afterwards things got a little intimate again &  but he stopped it and then told me how he couldn’t do this right now and that the situation was only temporary and that he would be back soon eventually. 

September 2016

During this month we also were in and out of touch again, I started to see a guy named Nitin that I was friends with for awhile casually (who knew my situation with Sharan) as I didn’t want to wait for Sharan, like he said he didn’t expect me to as I had my own life and he was in a romantic relationship with someone else, whereas I wasn’t anybody’s girlfriend.  My relationship with Nitin was purely casual and only got romantic towards the end (before it ended)

It was after Spot passed away, that I started to feel like the ‘Other Woman’ as I really tried to be there for him but he was always with his girlfriend and would want to see me too, and that made me pretty upset because best of both worlds.   He used to always just say he couldn’t just break up with her because he’s best friend’s with her brother/cousin and because your family was involved. 

October 2016

During this month,  I think the hurt started to surface and I started to really feel like the other chick, even though he was still saying very loving things.  He made it clear again that the situation was temporary and that he was trying to get out of it. 

At one point (imaged below) he asked me if we could stop talking via whatsapp as our messages were too intense and he was obviously getting afraid someone would see them.  This made me very very hurt.

The day before my birthday he came over my house and we were watching tv and his girlfriend started to message him saying goodnight with love hearts and calling him ‘bubba’ and at that point I realised, fuck she loves him too.  I did ask him, but he asked me why it matters anyway. 

For my birthday he came out for dinner with Susie & William, and he even told William that he didn’t see a future with his girlfriend and that it just wasn’t the right time for us.   After my birthday night, because Susie told him to really step back and see what he was doing, he decided it would be best if we weren’t in [active] communication so he said his temporary goodbye.

November 2016

We didn’t really talk this month at all,  I was pretty upset at him over being left behind because I could see he wasn’t making any active decisions to get out of his relationship despite saying a few months earlier that he would be out by the end of the year.    He sent me anonymous messages on my blog during this period.  The boy I was seeing and I got closer too actually,  but I never allowed myself to get too close as I was in this situation with Sharan.

December 2016

As you know, my mum got really sick in early December and we started to speak again, but then it started to become clear to me that he was not going to be getting out of his relationship anytime soon despite saying that he was. He asked me for money a few times in the months prior to december, but for some reason it was only when he asked me in December for money to buy him shoes (which he said he would pay me back for but still) that I realised, how unreal whole situation was.  I told him I wanted to move on and he didn’t really say I also ended things with Nitin while my mum was sick as I didn’t want to be with him either, he was just too aware of what was happening with me and Sharan for it to even work out.

I told Sharan that I deserved to be treated properly right now and not eventually, and that if he really loved me, it wouldn’t be ‘you know my position Ragini’ he would’ve taken active steps to ensure I knew and felt like he loved me, which I didnt. These were all only words.

 I told him I needed end things with him and never got a response.  And by this  point it really felt like I meant nothing to him and everything he said didn’t mean anything either. 

I know that it seems like I assumed he didn’t care, but like if you cant walk the walk then don’t talk the talk.  Actions speak louder than words.  These aren’t just cliched quotes everyone knows about, they are important for a reason. 

The lie you were probably told:

When I spoke to Sharan earlier this week, he said that his girlfriend said that I told her on Christmas eve (presumably to her face) that he was cheating on her with me when I saw her at an event I was at.

The real story is, whilst I was intoxicated in the same bathroom as her,  as I washed my hands I sang quite passively and soulfully “Girrrrrl your boyfriend is cheaating on you, cheating on youu, cheating on you.... Girrrrl open your eyes he’s cheating on you cheating on you” not looking at her or anyone but I was actually looking at my friends smiling (I was drunk and was quite angry at the whole thing) This was hugely disrespectful, and if I could apologise to her for it, I would. Only because she is a woman like me and I have no idea what she could be going through right now.  Also, I knowingly left a lot of room for Sharan to deny it, which he definitely did.  I knew he was going to say something like ‘SHE CRAY’, My older brother calls it ‘Anger Misplaced’ which it definitely was. 

Sooo, where to from here?

You know the more I think about it,  I realised how much you would’ve understood this situation, not because you know me and Sharan on a very personal level, but because you have been through something similar.  & honestly, now that I understand,  I’m sorry if I wasn’t there as much as I could’ve been during that period. 

I’ve started talking to a professional about him, well, I had been seeing a psychologist for a few months during because of surgery, which she knew what was going on with him and she would always try to get me to see what was actually going on but I was too invested at that point to objectively look at what was going on.   I only wanted to talk to her about it till I was 150% ready to make the decision to walk away for life, which I am now.  I saw what I needed to, and it really wasn’t what I wanted.  No matter how beautiful the fantasy was, it was never going to be reality. 

There is no hate, none at all towards him.  I feel really bad for him too,  he didn’t mean for all this to happen. I have a lifetime of memories with him for which I will always be grateful,  But I’m looking to move forward with my life and away from all this.  It’s going to be a long process of healing as there is a lot of things I need to face and accept.  

I understand if we can no longer be friends after this, and eventually I will accept that, but I hope you now see things from both perspectives and the whole story makes a lot more sense to you now.  It was always important to me that you knew the truth eventually.  I just hoped it would be in a more positive way and not via this blog.