#but then his boyfriend nearly got killed :( and cain thought he did die :((( so he spent a few months Coping before he snapped

[ranseiuniter]

dash is asleep post blorbos....... this is my beautiful boy Cain, necromancer, deeply cursed, decidedly Did Not Ask For Any Of This but is Bound By Plot. (Honestly he doesn't get what's so bad about necromancy like guys seriously if these bones have just been sitting here why SHOULDN'T I use them?)

[bobpresspdx-blog]

Batman v Superman Review or A Conversation Between Two Disappointed Nerds

A few days ago, I finally got around to watching Batman v Superman. I had heard many things about the film, most of it negative, but I tried to go into it with as open a mind as I could. However, it didn’t take me long to realize that I was going to hate this movie. What follows is the conversation I had with Margaret (co-publisher of BOB Press) while I watched the film. I think it speaks for itself. 

Roberta: Oh dear. We are about the watch Batman v Superman.

Margaret: Oh no. Be brave. And remember to breathe.

R: It's not starting off well.

M: It doesn't get any better.

R: O dear.

R: So that dude's dead.

M: Yep.

R: Do they explain what just happened? The fuck? 

R: Now she's going to have to clean up all that water on the floor! What a dick!

[Somebody is going to have to clean that mess up. I would be pissed! And then force him to clean it.]

M: Yeah. There isn't a lot of explanation in this movie.

R: This is the worst.

M: Yup.

R: However, Ben Affleck does make an attractive Bruce Wayne. At least there is that.

[Hellllloooo, Mr. Wayne.]

M: Haha. Yes! I was waiting for that.

M: Silver fox for the win!

R: You know me well.

M: :) he is the only saving grace in that movie.

R: So I've heard. Why does it matter that he is Lex Luther's son if Lex Luther, in this universe, hasn't done anything?

M: It doesn't matter. It's a pointless plot device.

R: Omg the music for that scene was awful.

M: Which?

R: The one where Lex Jr. is discussing what's his ass

M: Oohhh. Yeah. That was awful. [Like how she knew what I was talking about?]

R: I normally don't notice the music. But Jesus Christ. Omg just all of the music is awful.

M: They make it too important in that scene which is why you noticed. And the score in general is just bad and not timed will to the action.

R: Omg the transitions are driving me insane. It's even worse for Owen. Why are some of these scenes not combined? [My boyfriend is a video editor and was screaming his anger at whoever edited this film. Seriously, we were getting whiplash with how often the movie switched from place to place.]

M: Because then they wouldn't have a movie. Just an episode of tv.

R: Why doesn't Clark Kent know who Bruce Wayne is? He works for a newspaper!

M: Another plot hole.

R: Jeremy Irons is not nearly old enough to be Alfred.

[Nothing against Jeremy Irons. I love him. He is great. But he only looks slightly older than Bruce Wayne so it took me a minute to realize who he was. Also, it seems that Alfred has also become a master mechanic. He also looks a bit like an older Tony Stark. Which is fine by me.]

M: Bruce Wayne is too big not to be known.

M: And he really isn't.

M: Not sure who I would have in his place though?

R: Just bring Michael Cain back.

M: Michael Gambon maybe?

M: Haha. Yes!

R: Ooo I like Michael Gambon. And if we are going off the age of the actors, Alfred would have been in his twenties when Bruce's parents died. No way. Also why does Lex Jr. know Clark Kent? How did nobody notice the bong sound that Clark's chest made when Lex Jr. tapped him? Jesus Christ!!

[Unless people in this universe bong when you tap them?]

R: Since when is Wonder Woman sneaky?

M: Right!?

R: This dream sequence has more of a story than the actual story and I don't like it.

M: Haha.

M: This is why book editors need to work with movie editors.

R: Yes. Because nobody dreams like that. It was far too vivid and it went to scenes where he wasn't involved which doesn't happen in dreams.

M: Unless MAGIC

R: At this point, I'm waiting for a wizard to just pop out and be all “haha you are my puppets and this is my adrenaline fueled fantasy!”

M: Haha

M: To true

R: What the hell is Clark's problem with Batman? What a hypocrite!

R: He leveled an entire fucking city!

[Bruce Wayne was there! He was witness to the destruction first hand. He watched people die. If either of these two have a right to be pissed at the other it’s Bruce Wayne!]

R: And actively killed a man! And probably thousands more died as a result of his city leveling shit! What a fucker!

R: Batman's not even operating in his fucking city. Back the fuck up bro!

M: Right!

M: I hate this movie.

R: This is the freaking worst. At some point the news was like, we need to know what happened in the desert. And I'm like “Yes! We would love to know what happened in the fucking desert!”

M: We would ALL LIKE TO KNOW

M: lol

R: I totally missed something about peach tea.

M: Yeah, I don't remember that either.

R: Well she freaked out about the peach tea and then everything blew up. This is so dumb.

M: Okay. Weird.

R: “I've found out what you've done.” Please enlighten us!

M: He doesn't even know.

R: So all of this was to pit Batman and Superman against each other? So, if he has revealed that he has pit them against each other why would they not work together to save his mom? And why doesn't Lex just kill Superman himself if he had the Kryptonite to do it? The fuck!

M: Because no on would have liked a Batman and Superman v Lex L movie

R: “I'm going to convince him to help me.” Start beating him up right when I get there.

[Seriously, if you land in a crater instead of landing gently, like we all know you can, someone is obviously going to be on the defensive.]

M: lol

M: typical men

R: Like, I think he tried once to tell Batman that Lex was playing them and then just started throwing him through buildings.

[I’ll try this next time I want someone on my side. Yeah. That’ll work.]

M: haha

R: In case you forgot the beginning of the movie, here it is again. Also, why did Lois have to be there to say it was his mother's name. Why couldn't he say that! And why would he say Martha? Why didn't he say “My mother!” Jesus fucking Christ.

R: And why couldn't he have just landed (gently) on the roof and said, “Hey, Lex is pitting us against each other and wants me to kill you in order to save my mother.” Why didn't that happen?

M: No idea. There is nothing in this movie that makes sense.

R: Fuck this movie.

R: Omg he created an orc.

M: haha

R: So was the orc the back up plan? And if so, what the hell was he going to do with it if Batman managed to kill Superman?

R: I also like the news report being all, “Luckily it's the end of the work day, so there aren't a lot of people there” since they got so much shit for the last movie probably killing thousands of people.

R: Yes. That is definitely how nukes work.

R: Hahahahahahahaha the island is uninhabited!!!

M: Conveniently so.

R: I'm going to lead this now radioactive orc into the city to get the spear Lois dumped into a deep pool of water.

R: This music is so awful!

M: This needs to be a mystery science theater.

R: Does Wonder Woman come in and save all their asses cause that would be fitting.

R: Wonder Woman was the most useful person in the entire movie and she was in it for 5 minutes.

[I must say that Wonder Woman looks pretty badass. Hopefully that movie is a little better.]

R: That was a mess of a movie. And that's being nice.

M: If only you wrote movie reviews.

But she was right. I don’t normally write movie reviews, but I just had to with this one. Especially since I had basically already written it via Facebook messenger. 

As you can tell, my thoughts on this movie are less than positive. The story was lacking in sense, the transitions were awful, there were far too many plot holes, and Lex Jr.’s motivations completely eluded me.

Why is he so angry with Superman when, in this universe, Superman hasn’t been around long enough for him to have done anything to Lex Luthor Sr. so why all the (seemingly very personal) hatred? It’s just not explained at all. On top of that, Lex Jr. doesn’t seem to be very fond of his (late?) father, so...Why? Just why?

Honestly, I was just expecting some big twist that would match the ridiculousness of this movie. Like, I don’t know, like OMG IT’S JOHN CENA!!

Image from video created by Vidgeo on YouTube