#but then i think he'd end up a sap but be totally grumbly and grumpy if you pointed that out to him

[melk917]

Wait wait wait… HC for Barba + children, because yes please.

PS your tags are the best

Hahaha, the tags are where I get to freak out and be extra. Though, they probably won't help me find things later on...

WELL. Twist my arm. My thoughts on Barba + children. Lol as promised, this is also very, very extensive, so under the cut. (Actually this one got really out of hand...)

Generally speaking, at the time we see him on the show, I think he has had a lot of conflicting thoughts/emotions over the course of his life and has just decided not to deal with it and it's pretty much a non-issue since he's single. He likes his lifestyle well enough, and with no kids, he just gets to keep on living his life and he's totally content with that. It's not like he'd have time for a child anyway, he's always working. And he's not having any deep, biological urges to have children.

But I do think that if it happened after he left the DA's office, he wouldn't cut and run (well I don't think he'd ever abandon someone, but I think he would be much more removed from it pre-departure)? He'd be there for the baby/whoever the other parent was.

But it would have to happen to him as an accident. He would never pursue it. He 100% is not out there saying he wants kids or talking to an SO to plan for it, pre or post DA's office. I feel like he'd dodge those conversations because he doesn't know that he'll ever know for sure what he wants and he knows that those sorts of differences will end relationships.

I also think that if it happened to him by accident he'd be terrified about it, scared because he has no idea what to do and worried he'll turn into his own father, or he won't know how to love his own kids (because it's not necessarily automatic, no matter what people tell you).

Also, if it happened post-Undiscovered Country, I think he'd struggle with the guilt that he killed a baby but now gets his own, his own ability to make judgement calls for his child, and the general medical health of the baby.

So it would take him awhile to warm up to it? But in the end I think he'd be nervously looking forward to it, with the right partner in his corner.

He'd end up over educating himself to compensate, and once the baby is born I think he would actually be a total sap/wrapped around the baby's finger. Like 100% would be up all night watching the baby sleep to make sure they're still breathing, would take as many feedings as he could, or would double down on the skin-on-skin contact and the reader would walk into the room and he'd just always be there shirtless with the baby, or have the baby tucked into an open button down. He'd be chatting away with the infant, in Spanish and English, but talking to them like they're an adult. Or sing to them, since that's highly recommended for baby development.

(I also feel like he'd be a much better girl dad than a boy dad? But also his extensive history with SVU would have him totally worried all the time about a daughter.)

So, he's not a baby person or a child person, but he can be into some on an individual, case-by-case basis.

So, some more extended thoughts on why he ended up that way:

I think when he was little, he was torn. Because society told him that you grow up and as a boy you marry a girl, and you have children. And that's what you're supposed to do. So he had sort of assumed he'd end up that way because that's what he was told.

But then he looked around at his own family and how his father treated him and his mother, and thought about how much he hated his father, and was like, well this actually seems horrible?

I also have always assumed that his extended family is pretty large? Lot of aunts, uncles, and cousins elsewhere. Some in NYC, some in Florida. Some back in Cuba who he's never met. I always thought his mom must just be the oldest girl in her family and that's why she's the only one taking care of Catalina (since that usually falls on the oldest daughter).

But I think he really struggled with the bigger, crazy, extended family because he was so used to his tiny little family unit/the trauma of his father? So even when they'd all get together, he'd kinda stay away from most of the kids, and never was really exposed to kids younger than he was, babies or otherwise. So he's never really learned how to interact with or care for them.

As he got older, he sort of kept those internalized expectations, and when he was with Yelina, he had built up the idea of this future where they'd be married with kids. But then she chose Alex and broke his heart, and he sort of shoved all that aside, thinking well whatever, and threw himself totally into college, then law school, then building his career.

I think he did date a bit in his late 20s, and I've always assumed there was at least one longer-term relationship with a man in there since I also assume he's bi? But at this point he is all career. The job always comes first and he's not apologizing for that. And it basically kills all the longer-term relationships because he's never there and won't compromise, so he was never close to a situation where kids would have even come up.

And we know he's at a complete loss with babies in terms of what to do with them (lol him holding baby Noah).

Though he does do better with them as they get older. I think once he can have a conversation with them, he does a lot better. But hand him an infant and the man's going to have a mild moment of panic.

SO, yes massive ramble there. But I think he's a no on his own kids generally speaking, and he's never going to pursue it, but if it happened, unplanned, after he left the DA's office, I feel like he'd actually really warm up to it and be a pretty great (and soft) dad in the end.