#but there is this allencompassing sense that something is just.. wrong with me? if i'm always the only one on the outside
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brain going brr... but not in a good way
i don't feel like a person
i look in the mirror and i can barely comprehend that.. that is supposed to be me
skin and appendages and twitching muscles when i move, unconsciously
i really don't like it
#personal#negative#i'm dissociating really.. really bad tonight#or derealizing? i dont even know anymore#intrusive thoughts go haha#ugh fuck#i just.. i dunno#i'm gonna do most of the talking in the tags because i dunno#ah fuck i'm crying again#i don't want it on my blog too overtly i guess so talking in the tags is a viable option#i just... i dunno#why am i not a real person? why can't i seem to make any friends? or even exist#i don't get it it feels like i'm doing everything right but#i'm still just.. on the outside#always with everything and#i know i can or should take comfort in that because it's how i feel comfortable i guess#but there is this allencompassing sense that something is just.. wrong with me? if i'm always the only one on the outside#isn't that the right conclusion? but in a way i cant take solace in the fact#something's always been wrong i suppose#i'm just like my mother i guess#a mistake in existence
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