#but they’re off camera rn and in the beginning of their slow burn

[samwise1548]

What if The Magnus Protocol was actually Jon and Martin’s future kids going back in time to save their parents and give them the meet-cute they deserve /j

[katytheinspiredworkaholic]

I’d like to know more about RP1- Falling Hard and Fast!

Aww, and I’d love to share. This one holds a special place in my heart. 

So this was my very first role play, I had no idea what to expect, but I played Hotch and my beloved @spencehotchner played Spencer, and we just threw ourselves into it with no plan really and nothing other than HotchReidHotchReidHotchReid on our minds. I started saving everything we wrote because it was so fun and I wanted to reread it over and over again. And it got... so good, and so long, we worked on it every night for... almost 3 months? It’s at about 250k at least, all saved, kind of wrapped up nicely though we could add on? And it needs to be edited like a mofo but --

The reason I titled my folder ‘Falling Hard and Fast’ is because we tried, y’all, we really tried to make them take it slow. And we fucking failed. So much. Constantly asking ourselves “is it too soon to do this?” “It’s been what... two weeks?” “Yeah that’s probably too soon... do it anyway.” We enabled each other and GOD it got so good. We even did great on the cases! And made up our very own male OC that is made of pure Gold and I’ll end up using him forever I’m sure xD But it was so much fun, a LOT of sex, and they are just so in love it’s a fun read that we hope to get fixed up and published someday. 

I want to provide a snippet but idek where to begin xD And I don’t wanna bother Cee rn so I’ll just do one of my entries, they are always long af so it should be worth it:

((they are... and I kid you not... making out in the gun range, trying to hide from the camera angles, and not be suspicious in the slightest. You can guess how that goes, but here’s my Hotch entry in the middle of this make-out session.))

Aaron does growl at that, a growl that turns into a low moan as his hips roll forward into Spencer's where he has him pinned. ‘Hotch.’ The lust that burns through him is so much more than before, any time before, the thrill of being caught just three floors below their team enhancing it tenfold. 

Then the clock in his head rings that time is up, they're supposed to be doing practice rounds, and he can't make himself pull away.

Aaron surges forward and kisses Spencer breathless, deep and passionate, another rough roll of his hips that ends with him pinning the other tightly to the wall. Grounding himself as best he can as he snags one of the pistols off the range ledge, a blink of glance out of his peripheral, and licks into Spencer's mouth as he levels the gun at the target and shoots five rounds. Never breaking the kiss.

[honeymoonjin]

bts reaction - a video of the two of you goes viral

A/N: requested by a lovely anon :) 

JIN

the two of you were always cooking together at the boys’ dorm so you didn’t think any different when some of the others asked you to make them some dinner

little did the two of you know that jungkook and hobi were conspiring against you by placing a little camera they had borrowed off staff and filming the whole thing

as normal, the two of you found your rhythm in preparing and cooking several meats and vegetables, completely unaware that your every movement was being live-streamed on v-live

as you waited for the hot water on the stove to boil, you snuck over and slid yourself under Jin’s arm so that he was trapping you against the bench 

“i can’t see the carrots anymore, honey”

“oh, jinnie, who cares about carrots when your beautiful girlfriend is in front of you” 

weirdly enough, just like jin loves complimenting himself, he also loves it when you’re confident about your own looks, and you know how to use that to your advantage

jin smiles sweetly down at you and leans in for a kiss, murmuring against your lips “mmm, you’re right, those boys can make themselves dinner for once, i’m in the mood for a little private eatjin”

just as he begins to start grinding his hips against you, jungkook scrambles into the kitchen, just about slipping in his socks

“hyung stop! stop!”

you watch in bewilderment as he opens a slightly ajar cupboard and pulls out a camera, which was pointing straight at you

“what’s going on?” 

jungkook waves at the camera with a little laugh and then looks back up at you “we just wanted to prank you guys, but then you had to go and do...that. eugh, it’s burned onto my retinas now”

you blink in shock but your boyfriend doesn’t seem nearly as surprised. “jin..?”

“i saw the red light beeping when i went to get the chopping board”

“you knEW? and you still were going to-”

jin grins cheekily “i wanted to show off my beautiful girlfriend, is that so wrong?”

you keep a neutral face, but you can’t help but blush. “...fine, but let’s continue this show in private, okay?”

YOONGI

when it came to righting serenades to lovers, rap wasn’t generally the best medium

yoongi knew that, so for a while he had been asking jin in secret to help him improve his singing

he knew his hyung had been through trying to learn everything, and he was a great teacher

now, yoongi sat you down on his lap as he sat at the piano, delicate hands wiping down the keys nervously

he’s set up a little camera in the corner because he wanted to record the audio as a demo to send to namjoon, but he couldn’t track down the voice recorder, so a decent camera was just easier

he can just convert it to an audio file later anyway

you lean back and crane your neck around to watch him, but he pushes you back softly so that you’re eyes aren’t on him

he’s nervous as fuck, okay? he’s way out of his comfort zone here

his voice is quiet and a little wobbly but there’s a genuinity there, and it sounds so beautiful with the piano to accompany it

the lyrics are beautiful, and as you feel yourself fall in love with him more and more, you wish you could see his face right now, but you obediently watch him manipulate the white ivory instead

luckily, or perhaps unluckily, a couple of weeks later namjoon accidentally uploads the video version instead of the mp3 version on the official twitter, and it immediately goes viral

you watch it yourself, melting at the way yoongi’s eyes barely glance at the keys as he sings, fixated on you

the song is messed with a little before the release of the next album, but when he performs it in concert, the whole audience sings with him

after hearing the lyrics and seeing the real love that it stemmed from, army have taken it on board as the official song of their love towards BTS

yoongi is over the moon that people have really connected with his song, but still, the best performance of it he ever gave was that first time, when it was just him, you, and the piano

HOSEOK

you can’t dance

you know this. hobi knows this. the rest of bangtan won’t let you forget it.

but unlike the other members who just laugh at your awkward attempts to mimic their choreo during sound check, hobi wants you to be able to enjoy the thing that he loves so much, so he takes it upon himself to teach you

unfortunately, bighit smell profit like blood in the water, and they decide hobi should start doing it as a hope on the street series

so every second tuesday, like clockwork, army get to enjoy a video of (in your c o r r e c t opinion) the hottest guy on the planet deal with the dancing equivalent of a trainwreck

“honestly, seokie, just give up now. it’s been three months and my dancing still looks like i’m fighting a ghost and losing”

“i told you if you stopped flailing so much and just slowed down your arm movements you’d be much better!”

“didn’t you say i should find something that made me unique?!”

and so the sixth episode of this special edition of hope on the street becomes you and hobi pettily arguing and making zero progress

fans in particular tweet a million times about the moment that hoseok gives up, chases you around the studio and then tackles you and straddles you, forcing your surrender

it’s a very suggestive position, so you kinda can’t blame them, but now the problem is that army won’t shut up about getting more of it

they want you to suffer so that they can see how sexy hoseok looks when he gets angry

because holy fuck is he sexy when he gets angry

episode nine has him slapping you in the ass every time you miss your cue

episode eleven features him manhandling you into position when you insist you’re too tired to dance

maybe one day you’ll improve but for now you’re destined to showcase your lack of ability on an international scale with your unbelievably talented boyfriend

NAMJOON

unfortunately as namjoon’s girlfriend, your viral video moment isn’t as pg

namjoon is a real horndog, so it’s become pretty run of the mill for you two to send pictures back and forth

normally it’s on snapchat so that there’s no trace

but namjoon tells you he wants a video he can keep before he goes on tour, so he asks you to send one on your basic messaging service, that way he can save it to his camera roll

namjoon is doing a fanmeet, and they’re playing a game where one of the members streams their phone to the screen behind them and the fans have to guess who it is

most of the other members use mirroring, where the whole screen shows up exactly as it is on the phone, so namjoon assumes its all or nothing

he does his, and once he’s done instead of turning it off like he thinks he has (because his screen is no longer showing up) he’s just turned it to the setting where only videos stream

the fanmeeting is boring af (no offense army) but maybe it’s just because namjoon is missing you rn

he pulls out his phone to take a sneak peek at the video, making sure volume is down, but then your moans blast through the speakers

yup. namjoon is streaming a video of you getting off to the entire hall

fuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfcufkcufckuckfuk

his heart is beating so hard in his chest and his fingers shake as he desperately tries to mess with the settings and stop the video playing, but by the time he does, the whole room is chaos

fans are screaming and squealing and the members are either crying with laughter or look like they just want the ground to swallow them whole

namjoon is certainly the latter

but he laughs awkwardly, apologizes and tries to change the subject

army feel kinda bad for him and the way his cheeks are bright bright red so they let him move on, but you best believe shaky hand-cam videos of namjoon freaking out while his girlfriend’s sex tape plays on the big screen are going viral for MONTHS

JIMIN

in this case, it’s not a single video, but rather a compilation, that goes viral

we been knew that jimin is a slut for attention but one dedicated army scrounged up clips from all over the internet to put together a twelve minute-long video of all the moments of jimin being a needy boyfriend

there’s an entire three-minute section dedicated to his heart-eyes stare when you’re not watching

there’s a low quality video of you which all fans of bts have seen a million times where jimin straight-up grabs your hand and puts it over his dick behind stage after their comeback show

about a million different instances of him feeling you up as a way for you to stop what you were doing and look at him

and then of course there was a supercut of moments from the various Bangtan Bombs you had featured in where he whines and pouts and wiggles his shoulders when you’re chatting with namjoon and not him

the two of you see the video when you keep getting tagged, and while it just makes jimin even more whiny, you have a good laugh over it

in fact, you take it upon yourself to start tweeting some screenshots of jimin being needy, exposing him yourself

“it’s tiring being the girlfriend of an idol, but it’s even more tiring when it’s jiimin!” you tweet

of course, jimin’s feelings are a liiiittle hurt and you have to make it up to him for weeks

(and don’t think the fans don’t notice how jimin suddenly starts acting like he has the biggest dick in town)

(they’re well aware some shit has gone down every time he comes out from backstage only to have red cheeks and a dopey grin)

TAEHYUNG

this is 100% percent tae’s fault

he thought it would be fucking hilarious to post the drunken voicemail you had left him one night when you were out partying with your girls

to be fair, if it was anyone else but you, you would’ve laughed too

but that’s your voice in bubbling sobs confessing your undying love to him so it is most certainly Not Funny, thank you very much

“...and i hope you get a good sleep because you deserve it and i hope that you know how much i love you because when i look at you it’s like all the stars left the sky and they’re in your eyes and you’re so beautiful and i love you so much and sometimes it hurts me inside because you’re so wonderful and magical and. oh also, did we get milk the other day? we’re almost out of milk i think. anyway i just called to let you know i’m staying over at unnie’s place so don’t wait up. okay i love you. no, you hang up first! oh, you don’t wanna hang up on me because you looooooove me too much! goodniiight baby”

and then a solid 43 seconds of you breathing because you forgot to actually hang up, and eventually the recording stops

army think it’s the cutest thing in the world, and tae does too, but of all the beautiful things you’ve done for him in private he chooses to share the drunk one? just rude

#[your ship name]needmilk is the new trending hashtag, and army literally start bringing milk cartons to fanmeetings, telling tae to give it to you

you have too much milk, and not enough dignity

you tell fans this on twitter and then #toomuchmilk replaces it

next time you get drunk, you are determined not to call tae

JUNGKOOK

of all the things you could do with your time, become anonymous amateur porn-stars probably wasn’t the most productive or advisable

but being an idol had given jungkook both a desire to do something without being recognized as the maknae from BTS, and simultaneously a huge fetish for exhibitionism

he’s a performer, it’s in his blood, so why fuck when you can fuck and have people get off to you? that’s what he figures, so the two of you create an account

you’re obviously extremely careful about not showing your faces, and the current system you have set up is putting down a strip of tape on the bed (or wherever you’re fucking as it most certainly varies) where the edge of camera shot reaches

you keep your heads above that line, and no one can see a thing

you also try to keep out any identifying materials in the shot like clothes you’ve worn in public before, or the many figurines jungkook has lying around

maybe what makes the eventual discovery even worse is how long it takes

nobody finds out for well over a year, so there’s a preeetty hefty backlog of videos

in the end, it’s your own stupid mistake that gives it away

jungkook shoots a v-live shortly after the two of you film a video of you two doing it in his studio

you had cleared out the wall so it was just plain black, and even brought in a chair from a different room so that no one for whatever reason would recognise jungkook’s gaming chair

but he’s so blissed out from you riding him and giving him one of the best orgasms of his life that he makes a rookie mistake

he forgets to take off the blue masking tape that lies in a rough square on the wall

when he returns his studio back to the way it was and goes live, one army who clearly was also a fan of your porn videos notices the tape and mentions it in the comments

soon enough the numbers of the chat peak and fall crazily as fans leave the live to go check the pornsite and your most recent vid, and come back to compare it to his studio

jungkook tries to pretend like he’s not noticing the stream of comments talking about how hot he looks and how good his moans sound, but he realises he never wanted it to be this way

he wanted to keep this and his videos separate, and now he’s made an irreversible mistake

he shuts off the v-live without warning and runs down to namjoon’s room in tears, asking what to do

in the end the issue is resolved by deleting the channel immediately, and very few people actually thought to take anything more than a screenshot, but jungkook knows he won’t be seen as a baby boy maknae ever again

(namjoon also realizes that for the past five months he’s been unwittingly jacking it religiously to jungkook fucking his girlfriend)

(he doesn’t tell jungkook this)

[bizarrebird]

Guys. Guys. Guys. It’s the first Spike episode. He’s here. My shitty boy is here. Full disclosure, Spike is and always has been my favorite character and I do in fact ship Spuffy (yes I am fully aware of the fact that it becomes terrible in season 6 and believe me, I’ll talk about that when we get there. It’s bad, Spike is bad, the writing is bad, and I hate all of it) but this is not gonna become all Spuffy all the time, I promise. Even this one, no, this liveblog is about appreciating my mom Joyce Summers

So without further ado Season 2, Episode 3: School Hard

We start in Snyder’s office where he’s in full lecture mode to Buffy and random girl (Sheila) about how they’re both super troublesome because Sheila stabbed a teacher with pruning shears (hardcore but what the fuck) and Buffy burned down a gym*. Synder tells them that Parent-Teacher night is coming up and, to avoid expulsion, they’re in charge of setting it up and if they do well, he will tell their parents they aren’t complete gremlins. Buffy clearly wants to toe the line and Sheila doesn’t give a crap and runs off to make out with someone who she calls ‘meatboy’ (I have questions Sheila) Xander and Willow show up for playful banter and discuss the situation and then Xander jinxes everything cause he’s a fuck

And now we cut to the bEST FUCKING ENTRANCE EVER as a car mows down the ‘Welcome to Sunnydale’ sign, blaring music and outsteps my shit boy in all his duster wearing, bleach blonde, vampire glory. There he is. That motherfucker. Spike. And here we mark where the show really gets good** before we go to OPENING CREDITS

After the credits we see some generic vamps and the anointed babby talking about who’s gonna step up now that the Master’s gone. I guess there’s an evil power vacuum or something going on? but no one wants the gig cause Buffy will make whoever steps up dust. Random Vampire says he’ll kill her cause some vampire holiday is coming up that gives them more power, so it’s the perfect time to strike. He’s all speechifying and bragging when Spike (my sweet shitlord) cuts him off and calls him on his shit, cause Spike’s the guy you call when someone needs a dick slapped out of their mouth

Spike starts talking to the baby, saying he knows about the slayer problem and he can help cause he’s already killed two before (one of them who’s coat he’s wearing right now) But he trails off when Drusilla walks in, looking all dainty and lovely and he drops the vamp face case he’s gotta go be soft with her. We get the idea pretty quick that Dru isn’t all there and Spike makes mention of the fact that she’s weak for some reason (I think it’s explained later, but I can’t remember the exact details off the top of my head rn) Spike and Dru do their sweet, but creepy weird thing and he announces they’re moving in and that he’ll deal with Buffy as long as the baby keeps his goons in line

Now we go to Buffy and Joyce in the old Summers abode. Mama Joyce has apparently not been told by Buffy that parent-teacher night is happening and they have some serious talks about Buffy’s previous issues and how moving was hard on both of them. The scene closes out with Buffy being clearly iffy on her feelings about not telling her mom the truth about the slaying stuff and then we go back to high school and prep for parent-teacher night. Buffy (in adorable overalls) works on decorations with Willow and Xander’s there too I guess, and they decide to go to the Bronze because Angel, which means she has a million things to balance and here come Giles and Jenny with one more thing to add to the pile: super vampire night

Giles is... kind of a dick about things, saying slaying has to come first, but Willow and Xander volunteer to help to try to lighten the load. And here comes Giles with the Watcher’s shittiest rule that the slayer must fight alone because reasons???? (no like what the fuck, it’s the shittiest rule and clearly that hasn’t helped all the previous slayers not die, fuck the watcher’s council honestly) Synder shows up and notices Sheila isn’t there. Buffy covers for her just in time for a clearly hungover Sheila to show up and ask Buffy about the burning down a building thing (cause Joss just really loves sucking his own creative dick)

And we go to the Bronze where Buffy’s trying to study and party simultaneously and that’s going about as well as you’d expect. Buffy’s hoping Angel will show up, but so far nothing, so she agrees to dance with Xander as we see Spike looming in the back of the club. He talks one of his lackeys into attacking a random club goer and then loudly announces someone’s being attacked so he can watch Buffy in action (and he doesn’t have heart eyes yet, but like... you know he’s into it) Xander manages to not be a useless slug boy and goes and grabs Buffy a stake from her purse so she can kill rando vamp. Spike then slow claps (cause yes, even my baby is a tool) and says he’s gonna come after her on Saturday when the vamps get all super charged and slinks away

Next we see Sheila leaving the club with two random guys, who get yanked away off camera and then SURPRISE SPIKE RIGHT BEHIND HER. He flirts and it’s creepy and we know it’s not gonna end well. Cut to the library with the Scoobies trying to research Spike and coming up empty. Luckily Angel shows up then and he knows what’s up with Spike although Buffy’s a little more interested in why he didn’t show up earlier. But then just as people are asking Angel about Spike, Angel just leaves cause drama and he’s an asshole

There’s dramatic music and some chanting as we move to Drusilla being creepy with some dolls. Spike tries to talk her into eating because she’s weak (something something mob in Prague), but Dru just wants to be weird and tells Spike he has to get the other vamps to trust him more. He agrees, on the condition that she eat Sheila. The scene cuts before we see what happens and we find the Scoobies prepping for parent-teacher night and super vamp throwdown

Parent-teacher night begins and Buffy’s big plan is to just stop Snyder from getting anywhere near Joyce (fair, he’s a disgusting lizard man) Buffy is stressing as Cordy approaches and tells her her mom is super hot (not in those exact words, but listen Cordelia is bi and she’s a queen) Joyce mentions that she’s having a strangely difficult time actually talking to any of Buffy’s teachers, how strange. This of course is wen Snyder finally catches up with her and asks to speak to her in his office. insert scare chord here

Meanwhile in the library, Giles finds a book talking about Spike and his old moniker ‘William the Bloody’ and that he has killed two slayers, so he means business. Back with Buffy we see Snyder and Joyce return and clearly Mama Summers isn’t happy with whatever he told her (idk what the fuck he even would tell her, Buffy has don’t nothing wrong ever in her life and the lizard man is just mad that he can’t ever hope to be as pretty as her) As Synder’s turning off the lights on parent-teacher night the school windows get smashed as like a dozen vampires burst through cause Spike got tired of waiting and decided to  say fuck it and attack early. Great idea there. I love this guy, but he’s an idiot

Buffy leaps into action and gets her mom and most other people to safety. Cordelia and Willow get attacked by a vamp, but Willow saves Cordy and the two of them stumble into a supply closet to have their shared gay awakenings (okay listen it would be a good ship, I swear) Buffy tries to get everyone into the library, but vampires cut them off and she has to herd them into a different room. The power goes out and one of Spike’s lackeys says they lost the slayer. Annoyed, Spike murders a random teacher/parent and decides if he wants something done right, he has to do it himself

Giles apparently has a secret way out through the library and sends Xander (after some whining) to go get Angel cause he knows Spike somehow. Back in the classroom Snyder’s a little shit and wants to bust out the windows to run, but Buffy tells him not to and starts giving orders before making to head into the vents. Joyce tries to stop her, but Buffy goes anyway (mooooom, all the other kids get to fight demons) Spike’s wandering the halls being creepy and passes right by Cordelia and Willow’s hiding place. Cordy starts panicking, so Willow gets all up close and personal to put a hand over her mouth (hey Willow, you know another way you could keep her quiet wink wink nudge nudge IT’S REAL GAY IN THAT CLOSET LISTEN)

In the library, Giles is about to bust out to go help Buffy (who has to work alone now, huh? Look I’m glad he’s being less shitty now, but I’m still holding that line against him, that was garbage) But the air vent above him opens and surprise ceiling Buffy is here now. She insists she’s gonna handle all the vamps, just like Giles told her too, and she has to do it alone, just like Giles told her too (HMM PERCHANCE A PATTERN IS HAPPENING HERE) And she tells Giles that he’s gotta get her mom and the others out in case she doesn’t make it back

Back in the classroom, Snyder’s being a dipshit and Joyce is telling him not to and being a proud mama saying they should listen to what Buffy says. Snyder’s a fuck stick and convinces another guy to go out the window anyway (guess how that’s gonna go) Out in the hall, Spike finds a fireaxe (that they just... have in a school??? really???? no one thinks this is a safety hazard???? okaaaay) and in three two one--the guy Snyder sends through the window gets munched on. Who could have guessed. Joyce quickly shuts the window and is a big enough person not to say ‘I told you so’ even though it’s totally warranted

Xander gets there with Angel, who goes all vamp mode and pretends he caught Xander. Meanwhile Cordy and Willow are still in that closet, sitting real close cause they’re totes gay. Buffy’s still in the ceiling, which Spike has picked up on and he starts trying to force her out. She pops out right on top of the vamp trying to get at Joyce and the others and stakes the shit out of him. Joyce, who is also a queen, tells Buffy to save herself, but Buffy says nah. Surprise Sheila from nowhere, who Buffy tells to go hide, but she grabs a fireaxe and follows Buffy to ‘help’

In another hallway, Spike’s still jabbing the ceiling fishing for Buffy when Angel shows up all vamp face. Spike calls him ‘Angelus’ (huh wonder what that’s about) They hug and that’s not a bro hug cause these fellas are bi (Joss can deny it all he wants, but they are. We all know it, say they’re bi Joss, say it you coward***) They shoot the shit, clearly showing they go waaaaay back. Angel’s putting on a decent act, which Xander apparently falls for cause he is instantly down to believe any guy who’s into Buffy**** is super evil, and he offers to let Spike snack on him

Meanwhile, Buffy’s about to do some slaying, but we see Sheila behind her all vamped out, not surprising, but kinda sad. Giles sees her through the window and yells warning her to look out. Buffy ducks and stakes the first vamp, but lets Sheila get away. With the way clear, she has Giles get her mom and the others out and, despite Joyce trying to get her to come along, Buffy doesn’t go. There’s more vamps to slay

Back with our totally hetero boys who are about to share a tasty Xander snack, Spike asks Angel why he hasn’t killed Buffy and he says seeing her kill the master made him play good vamp. Spike goes with it for two seconds and then punches out Angel, cause he knows he’s full of shit and starts getting really upset and emotional, you know the way a totally straight dude would when his totally straight friend bro betrays him. He moves in for the kill, but Angel and Xander book it out the door. Before Spike can follow, he hears a Buffy sound that draws his attention

Spike brags a little about the last slayer he killed begging for her life, but says he doesn’t think Buffy will do that (correct, he knows a tough lady when he sees one and he respects that) He then says that he’ll make it quick and try not to let it hurt when he kills her and sounds weirdly genuine about it, not that Buffy pays that much attention, cause she’s soooo not impressed with him. They fight and it’s super hot. Meanwhile outside, Xander’s getting his ass kicked and Angel saves him as Giles gets the civilians out, but Mama Summers stops cause Buffy still isn’t there and she has to protect her baby

Spike manages to get the upper hand, but then FIREAXE TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD AND JOYCE TO THE FUCKING RESCUE with a “You get the hell away from my daughter”

Joyce telling bitches to back off her daughter before it was cool, I love her so, so much

Spike runs off cause two powerful Summers ladies is waaaaay too much for him to handle. Joyce and Buffy hug and it’s wonderful and everything is good (wonder how long that will last, fuck you Joss) Snyder’s shown talking to the cops, who seem to know something’s up with the situation, syaing they’re going to tell the press the “usual story” and cover the vamp attack as gang violence, showing people in town aren’t quite as out of the loop as they’ve seemed. Giles and Jenny talk and flirt and that’s cute. We see Angel and Xander talking about the situation before, Angel makes excuses, and Xander whines

Buffy and Joyce walk together and Joyce is so proud and I’m gonna cry. Oh also, Cordelia and Willow are still in the closet and really, they should just make out already to pass the time

We go back to the anointed bab’s hideout where Spike’s complaining about this slayer having family and friends makes her harder to deal with (HUH WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT WATCHER’S COUNCIL HOW FUCKING INTERESTING) Dru reassures him before he goes to talk to the anointed one, who grumps at him for not killing Buffy. Spike makes it two words into an apology before changing his tune and putting the baby vamp into a cage, which he lifts into the light of the sun to burn him up, officially making him and Dru the new big bads in town

FINAL THOUGHTS: Good episode, my son is here now and we’re onto more personal conflicts, which is very much a good thing. Also Joyce was a shining star here and I love her.

For the record I’m gonna skip Inca Mummy Girl and Reptile Boy cause you couldn’t pay me enough to watch that first episode suck Xander’s dick, and the second one is very meh filler and Cordelia’s already been captured twice this season and I’m kinda tired of that.

So next up is Season 2, Episode 6: Halloween

*Ooookay so this probably confuses some people, and for good reason. See we don’t see Buffy burn down a gym ever in the show. This is because it was supposed to happen in the preceding Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie. To those of you who have seen that movie (I’m so, so sorry) that probably doesn’t make this make any more sense because no gyms burned down there. This is because the gym burned down in Joss Whedon’s original script for said movie, but it never made it to the film because the movie was a fucking trainwreck and you can literally see the point where he started to lose any creative control. However, that doesn’t stop Joss from thinking that scrip was god’s gift to cinema and will insist on referencing it and treating it as canon despite, you know, it never being more than just a script

**I don’t mean just because of Spike, though he does play a part in it. See, this is the turning point away from the more generic doomsday villains like the Master, who was vaguely threatening, but kind of a nothing entity, and go for more personal villains and overarching plots, which is really what makes the show special. Spike, Drusilla and *SPOILERS* later Angelus were the first villains who really made things super personal for Buffy and the Scoobies, giving the conflicts new depth and intrigue. Not that the show was bad before this, but this episode really marks where it starts Growing the Beard as tropers would say

***For the record, this is not shipping goggles talking. This is due to the fact that, in later seasons of Buffy and Angel, the Spike/Angel dynamic is played up a lot. There is very clear if not romantic, at least sensual and sexual subtext here, culminating with Spike’s line in season 5 of Angel “Angel and I were never intimate, well, except that one time” indicating that there is some kind of sexual history there. Joss Whedon has also vagued in interviews saying (paraphrasing cause I don’t remember the exact words) “they’re open minded guys, y’know they’ve been together for so long, something must’ve happened there” However, he won’t say they or any other characters are bi cause Joss Whedon doesn’t think bisexuals exist, despite the fact that he has written several bisexual characters whether he will admit it or not

****Any guy except Riley, who, when we get there, Xander’s never gonna shut up about how great he is and how really Buffy is the one that doesn’t deserve Riley cause of that cool thing Xander does where his mouth moves, but Joss Whedon talks

[narcisbolgor-blog]

Best Bachelorette Recap You’ll Ever Read: Week 9

Hello! And welcome back to another very exciting episode of The Bachelorette. I’m calling this episode “very exciting” because this is the episode where Becca will either bring shame upon her family take someone to the fantasy suite or be so repulsed by someone that she sends him home early. Riveting stuff!

The episode begins, and we’re immediately treated to footage of a slow moving car crash the journey so far. Becca starts talking about all the men she has left and I’m realizing that she traveled halfway around the world to bang three guys she could have easily swiped right on drunk at a happy hour in Minnesota. Like, none of these guys warrant a romantic trip to Thailand. There’s more personality in a stock photo shoot then what’s happening on my screen rn.

Seriously, which is which I CANNOT TELL!!

Blake’s One-On-One

Blake gets the first one-on-one date and I already know this will end with him crying after sex. He’s got the face for it. I can feel it with every fiber of my being.

Becca kicks things off by forcing Blake to hike with her through a sacred temple grounds. She’s like, “this will be really fun because we won’t be allowed to touch each other at all!” Tbh that’s sounds like my perfect date so I approve of this.

Oh OF COURSE they run into two wise monks who proceed to lecture them on the secret to a happy life. Somehow I’m thinking that secret doesn’t involve dating 30 men on national television and hoping for the best?

BLAKE: They’re so wise, you know? ALSO BLAKE: 

Okay, so I know I’ve been going easy on Becca’s outfits these last few weeks and that’s because I’m genuinely worried Cary Fetman added an entry about me in his personal burn book, but I can’t hold back any longer. BECCA, WHAT IN GOD’S NAME ARE YOU WEARING?! It looks like she bought that dress at the airport gift shop, and I’m horrified. This is fantasy suite night and you came dressed for the occasion in a Wet Seal beach cover-up? What is wrong with you???

They start talking about their past relationships, and Blake is trying wayyy too hard to downplay his mental breakdown after his last girlfriend.

BLAKE: It was very hard time for me and my mother definitely did not have to hold me through the night for the next 3-6 months. ME:

Godddd Blake is so needy. He’s like “I can’t ignore the fact that you’re dating other people” and it’s like, you have seen this show before, yes?

Blake and Becca head to the fantasy suite which looks weirdly like the best Marriott in Thailand. Seriously, ABC what’s happening with your budget these days? Thailand is crazy cheap and instead of living like kings for the night they’re living like two people on a mediocre business trip whose points landed them a free room.

Becca keeps looking at Blake like he is going to rock her world considers gently cradling her face as foreplay. Good luck with that, girl!

Cut to the morning after and the camera pans to Becca’s 99 cent dress on the floor. As if I needed a graphic reminder about what went down in that room last night: some very heavy breathing and Blake prematurely ejaculating after accidentally brushing Becca’s thigh. Please.

Lololol Blake is acting like every girl who got drunk off of too much rosé and is trying to define the relationship as the guy she’s seeing starts putting on his pants and calling an Uber.

BECCA: That was a amazing. BLAKE: So, like, what are we tho?

Wait. Blake is me. I am Blake.

Jason’s One-On-One Date

Moving on to Jason’s one-on-one. Jason looks far too comfortable in Thailand. Like, he’s definitely made a pact before that what happens in Thailand stays in Thailand on a business trip. Ya feel me?

That smirk says it all.

Also, did Becca get her period on this date? Why is she wearing that towel around her waist? Because I know for goddamn sure it’s not for fashion purposes.

I can show you the world…#chiangmai #thailand 🌹

A post shared by Jason Tartick (@jason_tartick) on Jul 23, 2018 at 1:32pm PDT

Okay, WHY is everything about food with Jason? First with the wing eating contest and now these crickets? It’s like he wants Becca to have violent diarrhea after every date.

Becca makes a p vague comment about her and Jason’s future together and then immediately freaks out over said comment. I’ve never related to Becca more than in this moment. She’s like “I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I don’t see a future with this person I met four weeks ago!!” Yes, Becca, this is good. That’s the ABC brainwashing slowly starting to leave your system. That, or blind panic at the start of a bowel movement. Either/or.

Wait so we don’t even get to see the day date at all? Damnnn Jason must have really f*cked up if all we get to see is her walking off with her producer.

Cut to the evening portion of the date. WAIT. Is Becca going to dump him right this second? Figures that she’s going to cut the night short on the night where I’m not immediately horrified by her dress.

Becca dips out on Jason AGAIN and he’s gotta know he’s going home tonight, right? Also, is it wrong that now that I know he’s a loser I’m kinda into him?

So when someone gets up two times to go cry by themselves on a date, they’re probs not into you…. noted #theBachelorette

— Betches (@betchesluvthis) July 24, 2018

Okay, this conversation is so effing awkward. Like, what does she want him to do? List reasons for why she should keep him? Like, they are talking in circles around each other.

BECCA: I’m not confident about you. JASON: That feels like a yes, though?

Okay, Jason is pushing HARD to stay the night. He must think his penis can convince her to keep him around for another week. Is that considered big dick energy?

Jason finally gets in the van and is just like “eh, better luck next time.” Seriously? After all of that begging and pleading that’s all you have to say for yourself? Meanwhile, Becca has a small mental breakdown in her suite at the Marriott. If only she could see his monotoned goodbye speech rn.

Garrett’s One-On-One Date

Last and certainly most racist, we have Garrett’s one-on-one! Cut to Becca who’s pregaming the date by crying alone in her hotel suite. Again, I can deeply relate to this sentiment. At least the cameras didn’t zoom in on her lonely dress on the floor. What a missed opportunity, ABC!

Becca meets up with Garrett and is like “we’re getting out of the city and doing something the locals do!” And by “doing something the locals do” she means rafting through these people’s backyards.

BECCA THREE MINUTES INTO THIS DATE: I didn’t think, like, the locals would actually be here though?

I love how much they’re struggling with this crowd rn. These people could give one single sh*t that Bachelor contestants are in their presence. Can I just move to this beautiful, pure community?

Moving on. Becca shows up to the dinner and drinks portion of the evening wearing her grandmother’s Elvis costume. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I’m feeling personally attacked by Cary Fetman. This lace abomination has to be some declaration of war. Has to be. IT HAS A SATIN GODDAMN COLLAR. WHY. Becca does realize the end goal here is to make Garrett want to bang her, right? ‘Cause I’m worried that won’t happen now.

I love that Garrett is like “I’m nervous about commitment” and Becca practically orgasms on that pillow. Meanwhile, Jason, a guy who has exclaimed he loves her for weeks now, gets sent packing. Makes sense.

Wait, is that a freaking tent they’re spending the night in? Everyone else got the best sub-par hotel suite ABC’s points could buy them and these two are relegated to sleeping in the hotel’s backyard? If I were Garrett rn I’d be like “I signed up for Fantasy Suites, not glamping.”

HAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh my god Becca just blew a kiss to Garrett and his responding kiss was a mix between giving her the finger and rolling his eyes. This is the most personality I’ve seen from him all season, and I’m here for it.

The Rose Ceremony

GUYS. JASON. IS. BACK. Omgomgomgomgomg. Just when I was getting genuinely concerned that ABC was going to waste my time for the next 35 minutes the producers somehow coerce Jason into embarrassing himself further on national television. *turns up volume*

JASON: I just want to get some closure so I’m going to knock on her door and talk to her. BECCA: 

Yeah, this isn’t a great start, dude.

Wait what is this story he just gave her? Please tell me it’s not a scrapbook of their time together. Like, did he whip this up in his hotel room last night when the producers told him he needed to have a more emotional exit if he wants to be the next Bachelor? ‘Cause that’s the only explanation behind this sad, handwritten book he just deposited at her doorstep.

Jason: I brought you something#TheBachelorette pic.twitter.com/hVIgHR1e2f

— Betches (@betchesluvthis) July 24, 2018

Okay, but why is there even a rose ceremony at this point? The anxiety rolling off Blake rn is making me sweat out all the wine I just drank and it’s senseless.

Becca shows up to the rose ceremony in yet another lace dress that makes me question. Chris Harrison asks Becca if she feels good about cutting Jason before the rose ceremony and she’s like “oh yeah, I have two great guys left and plus his hair repulsed me!” I paraphrase. 

Becca calls Garrett’s name first and Blake looks like he might murder them both in their sleep. I hope his mother is on call to help him through these dark times.

LOL this toast is so effing awkward. Garrett’s like “thanks for giving me that quality one-on-one time this week.”

ALSO GARRETT:

Subtle, G! 

Next week ABC continues to waste our time we have “The Men Tell All” where I’m sure no one will take accountability for their actions or give us any insight into their dumbass decisions this season. Can’t wait!

Images: Giphy (7);  @jason_tartick /Instagram (1); ABC (3)

Original Article : HERE ; This post was curated & posted using : RealSpecific

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