#but whenever I see people acting like she's Satan or something it's just so absurd

[superbluebirdgirl]

Shirley haters are soooo boring.

[convoy914]

You know I remember people who would start complaining that Jaune was “stealing screen time” whenever he did ANYTHING. When he was out of the background for like, half a minute, tops. It was fucking absurd. Volume 5, specifically. Apparently him naturally being angry at the woman who killed Pyrrha was “man-pain” and “stealing screen time”. The way part of the “fandom” likes to hollow him out and self-insert themselves into his corpse is infuriating and gross, but the hatedom calling him a “bad character” for...existing (at least in the past) is pretty fucking irritating and nonsensical as well. At least, so it was. As for why I’m writing this...

Now, regarding his role in the Volume 8 finale: That was a mistake, yes. Conceptually. It would have been better if he DID try to heal Penny first, and Cinder just, idunno, poisoned her or something. Ultimatly, was not thought out well. But blaming him SOLEY for Penny’s death is kinda ridiculous. I get it, he was the one with the sword, but frankly I find a lot of the specific arguments to be a stretch. It was done SPECIFICALLY to keep the Maiden powers out of Cinder’s hands. I get the episode had issues with framing that, but even so it was pretty clear. He still shouldn’t have, but ultimately the writers created that scenario and didn’t execute it the best (even if the rest of Volume 8 was god tier. Which it was). Acting like it was a deliberate act of malice on his or their parts is...not great, even if I GET it. I’m not judging you, just trying to explain my point of view. Maybe I’m frustrated but that’s not an excuse if I’m a jerk, y’know? I get that

Where am I going with this? Jaune’s gonna be in Volume 9. They’re gonna deal with the aftermath of what happened. And so I’m just afraid that people are gonna start doing THAT again. “Oh no he’s getting a proportionate amount of screentime, stop stealing it from everyone else”. And I’m afraid that people have already made up their minds on this: If he’s not treated like Satan, than that’s bad writing and something something self-insert. Not intentionally that, but I make connections. NOW, TO BE CLEAR: There‘s GONNA be tensions. I very much doubt Ruby would just instantly forgive him, even if it’s ultimately Cinder’s fault. She has EVERY right not to. How she shows that I don’t know, but we’ll see. The idea that she wouldn’t have ANY kind of negative response to his role there is also pretty ridiculous, even if there’s a chance she’ll just repress it like everything else. But she’s not going to hate him for the rest of the series, even if I think their budhood’s been...pretty broken by this. And, again, people who have already decided it’s SOLEY his fault, how are they going to take that? Would ANYTHING they do be satisfactory? Would him being given time to, you know, deal with the repercussions be treated like it was in the past? That him being shown ANY amount of sympathy for something he probably hates himself for as well, for something people can’t even AGREE on as to the severity, will be met with, well. AGAIN, NOT JUDGING, I GET IT. YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO YOUR OPINIONS, JUST AS I HAVE TO MINE. IF I HAVEN’T EXPRESSED THAT WELL THEN I’M SORRY. I’M NOT GOOD AT THIS

I don’t even know what we find in Volume 9. How we end it. Team RWBY‘s making it out, but the other two? Less sure about. Part of me DOES expect him to die at some point, possibly involving fire. But when, and how does he leave things? And that’s assuming it happens at all, given his arc (heh) to this point about how being so sacrificial isn’t helping. Ultimately, I don’t know. And ultimately, you’re free to feel about this character however you want. You're free to not like him. I, however, DO like him, as in his CANON self (tho a smidge less after this tbh), and I’ve always found both the lionization AND the hate to be pretty fucking irrational. I don’t think I explained why very well but hopefully y’all have SOME idea. But again: You’re free to your opinions, and I’m free to mine. My opinions have been shaped by experience, and I’m REALLY not looking forward to a possible resurgence in this stuff, even if it IS a bit more understandable this time. Anyways here’s some rambling from someone who HAS ”authority”, as it were, on Penny’s second death. In what I am, at least. Point is, even now Jaune hate is draining. So’s the hollowing out I talked about above. He’s just one character, why is there all this bullshit around him?

[rachelkulagodfrey-blog]

A [MUSIC] Review: My 10+1 Favorite Live Acts From the Last Six Months

Originally posted on January 17, 2019.

Some people procrastinate by online shopping, cleaning, or watching the first season of a Netflix show that truly isn’t worth it (Judd Apatow’s Love stole my time and I want it back).

Others make an Instagram post about how they “just can’t focus :/”, masturbate to a point where it’s almost violent, or complete every single task except for the most pressing one at hand.

I am all of these people. Baked to perfection.

As appealing as all of these options are, my favorite way to procrastinate is watching live musical performances. If I said this was my number one choice because I really love to see what each and every artist can do on their feet, I would be LYING; it’s because I’m broke. Imagining I’m in the actual audience sounds like a cute and affordable outing to me.

I was originally going to write a late post about my ten favorite live musical acts of 2018, but then The Holy Trinity™ a.k.a The Goat Trio (Noname, Smino, and Saba) decided to perform on The Late Night Show with Jimmy Fallon and fuck up my whole plan.

Fucked up my whole plan, but made my whole life.

Here are the 10+1 live acts that have rustled my big and bright feathers in the last 184 days, ordered by upload date:

1. Mac Miller: NPR Music Tiny Desk Concert

August 6, 2018

I was tabling at my school’s Student Activities Fair when one of my best friends approached me looking like tears were seconds from falling down her cheeks and flooding the fucking campus. Her “I have to tell you something” was followed by what most onlookers would probably describe as an unnecessarily loud processing of the Five Ws and One H of Malcolm McCormick’s death. It probably looked overdramatic, but it honestly didn’t feel that way.

Mac’s placement in my mind shifted in tandem with his style. In his “Knock, Knock” days, he was the weird white kid who Wiz Khalifa seemed to have taken under his wing. I started high school a week or two before “Smile Back” was released. And I was in attack mode after a girl had used up MY oxygen to talk about me not being a “real” Black girl. While 14-year-old-me did put a hex on her soon after, Mac’s anthem of the opposition not being worth my stress set my mind right. Did not reverse the hex, though. Sorry, sis.

His eventual Earl Sweatshirt, Ab-Soul, and Anderson .Paak collaborations reframed the way I thought of him as a creative. I realized how open he was, and how honored he was to share space and thought with a wide range of musical talents. You can hear it in the production of the songs. His NPR Tiny Desk was an elevation of this. His energy was right. Thundercat on bass was right. Watching this performance made me want to bop the shit out of my head but also call all my old niggas and let them know I was suing them for stealing energy I could have put toward studying a cool cat’s artistry. So much love to Mr. Malcolm.

Favorite Moment(s): When Mac laughs at Thundercat’s abrupt tone change during “What’s the Use?” @ 9:10.

2. Rex Orange County performing “Sunflower” live on KCRW

August 14, 2018

I know I’ll get heat for this. But Alex O’ Connor is worth the slack.

In this performance, Rex Orange County looks and sounds like the place where lo-fi, Big Mouth, and driven-over lilacs meet. Doesn’t seem like the most appealing thing that could come out of your speakers, but it’s honestly just one really sweet surprise. And romance may be a capitalist sham, but all I can say is ShamWow! After finding out that he wrote “Sunflower” for his girlfriend of 3+ years, the bridge started to make me feel like someone slipped me a “Would You Date Me?” note in detention. Uncomfortable, but definitely entertained.

Favorite Moment(s): The aforementioned bridge @ 3:02.

3. serpentwithfeet – mourning song (Live on KEXP)

September 11, 2018

Josiah Wise, better known as serpentwithfeet, is one of the greatest storytellers I have ever witnessed. His entire KEXP performance is worth watching to see an immersive experiment in chaos and control using lighting, backtracks, and his voice. Confidence is not something we often associate with grief. In this performance of “mourning song”, he lists all the ways he will allow himself to think and feel through the end of an intimate relationship. Every time I listen to this song, I feel like he actually rips the voices from my head that tell me I am a burden, or that I must hide any part of myself.

I’m not really a church-going girl anymore so I won’t say watching this took me there. But it definitely took me to the Pokémon Center. HP on 255, bitch.

Favorite Moment(s): When he plays around with distance from the mic @ 2:30.

4. 070 Shake – I Laugh When I’m Friends But Sad When I’m Alone

September 14, 2018

My dearest New Jersey babe. The shining star of the 070 Crew, Danielle Balbuena, used to be at the top of my “Anal Sounds Great!” list after the 2016 “Bass for my Thoughts” release. Trevante Rhodes has since stolen her spot.

Shake takes her time with COLORS to sing about her unadulterated thoughts about the negatives that come along with fame, as well as how the perceived positive of always being around people can be suffocating. No matter what life decisions we try to make, no matter what our intentions, we’ll always be criticized. 9/10 times the criticism will come from people who are too scared to live out their own dreams and have decided to try and put their hooks into the dreams of others. I love this performance because she manages to make the sentiment hit relying primarily on her flow, with the beat not coming in until more than halfway through the video.

Favorite Moment(s): The belting at the end. She sounds like Roy Woods and it makes me want a collab.

5. Noname Performs A Three-Song Medley From Her Album ‘Room 25’

October 18, 2018

I am a walking Noname stan account.

I saw her perform during my sophomore year of college, soon after Telefone‘s release. I had never felt so represented in my existential absurdity. She was as wishful as she was uncertain; the last time I had felt that seen was when I heard Paramore’s “For A Pessimist, I’m Pretty Optimistic” for the first time. But you know angsty white people are always doing something, so it didn’t really click the same. I sobbed in the first row while Noname rapped about the effects poverty has on the Black imagination, battling with addiction, and finding the will to fight our own apathy.

In this performance, she gifts us with a three-song medley, featuring “Blaxploitation”, “Prayer Song”, and “Don’t Forget About Me”, three singles from Room 25. Together, the musical collage tells a story about trying to create in a culture that values what we make more than our livelihood.

Favorite Moment(s): The GIGGLE when the music ends before she does.

6. dvsn: NPR Music Tiny Desk Concert

November 28, 2018

Roy Woods and Majid Jordan were my favorite OVO acts for the longest time. I had heard of dvsn and didn’t really care for the duo at first. I didn’t even know they were a duo until like a week ago.

One night I was at a party that I didn’t want to be at, and I really wasn’t feeling the music. While I waited to sober up so I could walk home, I put on my headphones and started playing my own music. When the beat in “Mood” dropped and Daniel Daley’s vocals came in, I knew it was the beginning of a spiral into a rabbit hole full of fuck nigga energy… Energy to which I am apparently still very open. In this performance, Daley’s falsetto as he sings about not wanting to pull out of his partner is literally the most disarming sound I’ve ever heard. It’s what I imagine the Sirens in the Odyssey sounded like. I’m 100% certain that behind the sunglasses, his eyes are pitch black. Because Satan.

Favorite Moment(s): 6:13 – 6:35. Mother of God.

7. Rapsody, “Sassy” Night Owl | NPR Music

December 4, 2018

RAPSODY IS ONE OF THE MOST UNDERRATED LYRICISTS OF ALL TIME AND I WILL NOT REST UNTIL JUSTICE IS SERVED.

Like… I’ll sleep and all that. But I will be dissatisfied. Known for her home-hitting lyrical additions – Kendrick Lamar’s “Complexion (A Zulu Love) and Anderson .Paak’s “Without You” – Marlanna Evans deserves so much more for the brilliance that went into Laila’s Wisdom. When she was nominated for 2018 Best Rap Album of the Year, she was the fifth female-identifying nominee in the 23-year history of the category. This performance of one of Laila’s singles, “Sassy”, makes me want to bounce through the streets in some high tops. It demonstrates her ability to give us all profound lyrics and pop-off sounds.

Favorite Moment(s): Her dance break @ 2:45.

8. H.E.R.: NPR Music Tiny Desk Concert

December 13, 2018

H.E.R. had already appeared on NPR Tiny Desk before this performance, but five minutes of listening to her voice were simply not enough. Whenever I listen to one of her songs, I have to listen to two or three more. The cool thing is that she’s not using subliminal messaging! It’s literally just carefully-honed skill and talent! These niggas can’t even spell talent!

The transitions in this video are wild. Seeing how many times Gabi Wilson switches the instrument she’s playing is honestly just really fun. “Focus” is my favorite H.E.R. song, and this performance takes it up three whole notches. Considering the fact that she’s an actual child prodigy, I cannot help but smile seeing her get the shine she deserves; hearing people refer to her as “the girl who covered the Drake song” really made me as upset as the people who fight in the comments under Lebron highlight reels seem to be.

Favorite Moment(s): The back-and-forth between H.E.R. and the two amazing background vocalists @ 16:28.

9. JPEGMAFIA – Thug Tears | A COLORS SHOW

December 14, 2018

I really cannot tell if Barrington Hendricks/JPEGMAFIA/Peggy is the kind of person who hates astrology and everyone who mentions it, or if he consults his Co-Star chart every morning. Regardless, as the sole member of the non-Scorpio Scorpio Fan Club, I love this Scorpio king.

One second into his COLORS episode, I thought my speakers were fucking broken. Twenty seconds in, I thought I was having a stroke. I eventually realized that I was not being Punk’d by the peculiar nigga on my screen, and decided to go back to the beginning and try this shit again.

I became so infatuated with JPEGMAFIA after watching this performance. This may mean that I need to call my therapist soon, but I would argue that my interest stems from the healing power I feel is available in his artistry. While different from serpentwiththefeet’s “vibe”, Peggy presents us with a similar sentiment: being unafraid to display your emotions, whether it be grief or anger, in ways that are not respectable or palatable can shake up a nigga’s psyche. Lord knows this shit had me shook all the way the fuck up.

Favorite Moment(s): He starts off stretching. Definitely didn’t realize how necessary it was going to be.

10. KOFFEE – TOAST (LIVE FROM KGN)

December 23, 2018

I first listened to Koffee when she performed with Chronixx on the Real Rock Riddim. This past November, the 18-year-old released the inspirational fucking BOP, “Toast”. In the song, she speaks to her performances with Chronixx and other key moments in her musical journey as well as the bright future she sees ahead. The song itself has been at the top of my morning playlist; you already KNOW I love to bust an early whine while I brush my teeth. But this performance… it’s magic. You can barely hear Koffee herself with the audience screaming all the words back at her, letting her know they’ve got her back. And with a big ass smile full of braces, you can tell she’s feeling all the love they’ve got to give. Everyone, myself included, is ready for Koffee to rise to the top.

Favorite Moment(s): Her disbelief at the room’s energy at the beginning, and when she brings on the girls to help her sing @ 1:30.

10+1. Noname ft. Smino and Saba: Ace

January 8, 2018

One day, I’ll share the story of how Noname was an instrumental part in my sexual “becoming”. It’s the same story that I shared with her after the aforementioned concert (still so sorry about that, yikes). Until then:

I screamed when I found out this performance was happening. I don’t even think I can put into words how Noname, Smino, and Saba’s performance of “Ace” changed my whole attitude. For the last eight days, my sense of clarity has been… well, CLEAR! I realized how much my hair had grown. I finished grant and job applications. I’ve received great personal news and old, important friendships are being rekindled. They have too much power. I’m tweaking.

All I have to say is that this video ran me a bath, put a glass of wine in my hand, and made me dinner. Enjoy.

Favorite Moment(s): I. Cannot. Choose. (But wow. The way they look at Saba @ 1:56. I’m emotional.)

[louisysl]

I’m pasting a snippet of my wip, Heilig, mainly for my own safekeeping as it is the same snippet I tend to send whenever somebody asks for one, but also for any curious eye with a couple minutes to waste. It contains no spoilers as far as the storyline goes, in case anyone was wondering.

The party is hosted at the finest mansion of the island. Long, grandiloquent columns support the nearly ostentatious building, waterfalls framing the entrance. At the door stand two doormen, both clad in expensive suits and movie-like sunglasses, highly unnecessary given the dark night.

As someone who’s only ever been to the front yard, Louis is undeniably curious to see if the mansion will meet his expectations. He’s more excited than he is nervous, walking through the crowded front yard with a tight hold on Niall’s hand, so as not to lose him.

In eight inch heels, one might expect Louis to tower over most partygoers; and truth be told, he can see over most men they pass, but as seems to be the theme of most parties thrown around their neighborhood, most partiers are women in high heels.

Coming to a stall near the waterfalls by the entry, Niall turns around. “Maybe we should stay outside for a bit? Not look so eager to go in?”

Louis huffs, pushing past him. “I don’t give a rat’s trembling whisker if they think I’m eager. You dragged me here, I might as well make it worth it by snooping around the mansion. Besides, Kat’s probably inside already.”

As was to be expected, Niall’s eyes light up at the mention of her name, and he follows Louis to the doors easily enough. In a party of Styles’, your face is your ticket, and while Louis has never seen either of the men standing before him, he and Niall are let through without a second glance.

The doors open to a spacious lobby. It’s just as pretentious inside as it is outside; marble floors and skinny black railings, white walls lit with clear lights. There’s a staircase to the right behind a pillar, and a door to the backyard after the spacious hallway decorated tastefully with plants on the windowsills of the pass-through walls on each sides of the hallway, behind both of which is a decorative waterfall.

Louis wonders oddly if the waterfalls are behind crystal clear windows, for there are no splashes of water on the floor, but he doesn’t dare test the theory.

Everything as far as the eye can see is clean, enough so that they can see their odd reflections on most surfaces that they pass by as they follow the sound of music. Before following Niall upstairs, Louis spares a glance at the empty backyard, making a mental notice to find a silent moment to go explore the garden there.

His heels click noisily with every step he takes. Niall grins at him over his shoulder, waiting for him at the top of the stairs. The view outside is stunning as they turn around, leaning against the railing preventing them from falling off the open platform the stairs led up to; a full moon against a clear, dark sky, illuminating silvery rays of moonlight on the wall behind them.

“This is fancier than I expected”, Niall whispers, eyeing the blend of moonlight and shadows on the wall. “I feel like we’re seriously trespassing, or something.”

Louis can’t help but agree; the music isn’t exactly loud, and neither are the voices conversing in soft tones. All noises are coming right behind the wall they’re standing by, and the only logical explanation is that the party inside is barely a party at all – a private gathering sounds more appropriate.

“Well, we came all this way. Might as well at least peek behind the wall, yeah?”

Niall doesn’t look entirely convinced, but he shrugs, and despite the frown between his brows, he pushes past Louis.

It’s nothing like Louis had expected.

It isn’t your ordinary parlor (as if the fact alone that it is a parlor of all things wasn’t absurd enough). The room offers a striking contrast to the rest of the mansion, dark floor-to-ceiling bookshelves covering each wall. Despite being dark, the room is spacious, lounge chairs and sofas arranged in a tasteful yet practical fashion.

There’s an entry to a living room with a fireplace on the right, a room likely separated from the books in fear of a fire hazard. As far as Louis can tell from where he stands, there doesn’t seem to be any sofas in the living room, the floor instead covered in comfy-looking pillows and, to his surprise, bean bags as basic as they come.

As for the people currently occupying the room – Louis can name them all.

Liam, Zayn, and Sebastian are stretched out on two of the sofas by the back wall, most of Zayn covered by Liam’s body. On the floor between the sofas is Styles, sitting cross-legged with an open book on his lap, a book which he doesn’t seem to be currently reading, absorbed in a conversation with Sebastian as he appears to be.

Louis can’t help but notice it mustn’t be very comfortable for Harry to be sat like that, without a pillow on a thin carpet.

Kat and Melanie are cuddling on an armchair, Kat mindlessly playing with Melanie’s hair. There’s a cat at their feet, one Louis hasn’t seen before, but it’s purring softly and rubbing its head on their feet, and Louis is helplessly endeared.

Instead of waiting to be noticed, Niall clears his throat, startling everyone safe for Harry, who doesn’t even bother turning around. Kat, however, squeals happily, untangling herself from Melanie gently before rushing to the two of them, embracing Louis in a tight hug.

“Thank Satan you came”, she sighs, rubbing his back. “Here I feared I’d have to deal with Niall all by myself.”

Louis chuckles. “You know how he is. Forced me to come, the little minx, yet he’s likely going to leave me within a minute to go snog you”, he pokes her side with his forefinger accusingly, “in some room I can’t find, and I’ll have no choice but to awkwardly wait in my lonesome for the two of you to finish.”

Giggling, Kat shakes her head vigorously, “No, no!”

“Bet you a dollar.”

“A dollar? My, my, you get cockier each time I see your pretty face”, she tuts.

“It’s the compliments”, Louis assures with a kiss to her cheek.

With Kat moving on to embrace Niall in a hug much too sensual, Louis gets an opportunity to observe the familiar, if not particularly friendly faces now gathered in a group. It seems absurd to Louis, how Styles is sat in the middle of the odd circle formed by his friends, as though he’s the center of it all – of the universe, Louis thinks bitterly. He’s probably the type to think it all revolves around him. If he was a planet, reckons Louis he’d be Jupiter; bigger than all others though no competition to sun, his friends like the sixty-seven moons; helpless to his gravity.

It’s Sebastian who makes the first move, face lighting up in a smile that seems rather genuine. “Tomlinson”, he says, head tilted as he walks forward with his hands outstretched.

Feeling mildly awkward, Louis gathers his composure and works up a smile. “Sebastian”, he greets, the smile on the man’s face widening at the friendliness of his greeting.

“First names, hm?”

“You shouldn’t let your surroundings fool you. We live in the modern day.”

“I dare say, that has been said for centuries before us, and that history you’re referring to once wasn’t quite as romantic.”

Louis snorts. “Oddly poetic, you are. Is that what you do here? Read and practice poetry in hopes of seducing a lover too stupid to detect the act?”

Sebastian smiles prettily, lashes grazing his cheeks in a blink slower than the ordinary. “Should I think I could seduce you, would be an insult to your wit, my darling.”

“An insult to my wit”, he repeats, pursing his lips in wonder.

The silence that follows doesn’t last for long. As Sebastian turns and goes to whisper something in Harry’s ear, Zayn walks up to Louis. He’s got this ethereal, cool air to him that Louis has never really cared for like many others, but he can tell, up close like this, why people think him so unapproachable.

“We were just about to head down”, says Zayn, fixing his hair in a smooth flick of his wrist.

There was a time, few years ago, when Louis wanted to learn more about Zayn; he’s always taken unnatural interest to humans, found some so irresistible they’ve taken up his mind entirely for days, even weeks at a time.

Zayn, he recalls, didn’t hold his interest for long.

One doesn’t have to spend long with a person to realize they’re putting up an act. The reason isn’t always as easy to tell, though usually it comes down to an insistent need to fit in while still holding a place of importance, for which one would need to stand out from the crowd; though not so much as to appear a freak.

Zayn’s a textbook case of just that, to Louis’ disappointment.

What was even more disappointing to figure out was how, frankly, boring company Zayn was. It’s not like Louis’ spent tons of time with the guy – but he’s tagged along some time or another as Niall’s friend, and with the intrigue of his act gone, he’s no less or more than a pretty face for one to admire.

Niall once called Zayn art, and Louis laughed so hard his tummy hurt with it. It’s not that Zayn, in his own way, isn’t art – he is. He’s beautiful, possibly the most physically beautiful person Louis has ever laid eyes upon.

And to someone not all too interested in art, he may just appear the most beautiful piece of art they ever have laid eyes upon.

Louis isn’t particularly into art, would never claim to have an eye for it. But he can appreciate beauty in its many forms, and Zayn’s beauty is almost boring, in that it is indeed so perfect. He misses that quirk that would complete him; there isn’t an eyelash out of place.

It could, of course, be argued that his undeniable perfection would make up for the lack of flaw.

At the end of the day, to Louis, Zayn is just another pretty face in a sea of pretty faces, standing out only due to his outstanding features.

But to be so beautiful, yet so dull, to Louis, is tragic.

Obviously, Louis doesn’t only hang around people he finds intriguing. Everyone, at some point or another, becomes dull in one’s eyes; it’s never a question of if, but of when.

Niall is a great example of someone Louis never was all too interested in. Niall has always been an open book, bright in not only his spirit but his wit. Regardless, there has never been so much as a shadow of mystery to him.

But Niall makes up for it with his personality. It’s not an interesting one – but it’s undeniably fun, and more importantly, one would struggle to find a friend more loyal and caring than him.

As much as Louis would like to, he can’t walk through life collecting people. He would, if he could. There’s nothing so interesting to him as people are, and if he could only bottle up the brilliance of a human mind – if he could carry around with him the brilliance of people…

He huffs out a breath he’d mindlessly been holding, searching for Niall with his eyes. He’s not hard to spot, all over Kat as he still is. Louis can’t really blame him for it. If he was into women, Kat without a doubt would be hard to resist.

She’s great company. What Louis most adores about her is her strength and stubbornness. She’s never afraid to give back as good as she gets, at times even better. Her bright nature compliments Niall’s, and her tendency to take consequences into accord have saved Niall’s ass more than once.

All in all, the two of them would make a lovely couple, should they ever desire to go there. They’re both free spirits, however. Both much too thrilled to explore the world and people to be happy in a relationship.

Well, that’s what Niall told him once, anyway. If you ask Louis, the two of them could be amazing as a couple, exploring the world together- exploring people together; neither of them have a jealous bone in their body.

Frankly, Louis has never met two people more eligible for polyamory than the two of them.

Uncaring of the minutes that have passed, Louis turns his attention to Zayn with a quirked brow. “The one downstairs?”

Zayn’s eyes snap to him. He makes a face before huffing, “No.”

Sometimes, just sometimes, Louis wishes he could tell Zayn to… well, stop. But he’d rather not crush the poor man’s illusion.

“They’re taking us to Finland”, grins Niall, appearing from behind Zayn’, cheeks tinted pink and eyes bright.

“Finland?”

“Yeah, you know”, Niall vaguely motions with his hand, “Santa and shit.”

“I know what Finland is”, Louis rolls his eyes. “But what the bloody heck makes you think I’m getting on a plane to Finland in this”, he grabs the front of his shirt and lets the fishnet slap against his chest as he lets the material slip through his fingers. “And without warning, no less?”

From across the room, Harry’s eyes flicker to Louis. Louis isn’t entirely sure he doesn’t imagine the faint curiosity of his gaze.

Zayn, who’d been silently following the scene before him, looks at Louis now with a hint of pity to his expression. “Nobody here cares to take a plane to Finland.”

Letting out a noise of distress, Louis shifts his weight onto his left leg. “What?”

Sebastian takes pity on his confusion and smiles from next to Harry. It’s an odd contrast to Harry’s obvious disinterest; he’s twirling a curl of his unruly hair in his fingers, eyes set on Louis.

“We aren’t going to Finland. We’re going to a winter party across the lake, and Kat mentioned Santa. Niall insisted he comes from the North Pole”, Sebastian waves his hand around, as if to vanish the subject from the air. Probably because he doesn’t find it poetic enough, Louis grins to himself mischievously.

Choosing not to question their decision to attend a party not thrown by them when Harry’s supposed to be hosting the one downstairs, Louis takes a few steps to the side as the others slowly make their way downstairs.

He’s surprised to witness the order in which they all leave the room; Liam, with his arm wrapped loosely around Zayn, is the first to go, Kat, Niall, Sebastian, and Melanie stumbling behind them in a laughing, loud mess of bodies tangled together. They appear drunk despite the lack of alcohol in their system.

Louis would give a lot to feel ease like theirs.

Just as he’s about to follow the racy group, a soft thud stops his step halfway, making him stumble over his feet. In his confusion over the fact that Harry hadn’t lead the group out, as he’d thought he would, for Harry’s clearly the uncrowned king of the group, he’d completely forgotten what his absence from the front would inevitably mean.

He’s not sure whether he should turn around, perhaps ask Harry if he’s coming, or if he should just leave him behind and follow the group. He’d feel terribly odd waiting for Harry, seeing as they’ve never so much as exchanged a greeting, but the thought of leaving him behind makes him uneasy.

And while curiosity may have killed the cat, it’s always been one of Louis’ biggest weaknesses. A slave to his nature as he is, Louis turns around with his arm still resting against the wall separating the room from the stairs.

The thud, it appears, had been caused by Harry sitting down on one of the pillows laid out on the floor. He’s not doing anything, really, but sitting there with his legs stretched out before him, crossed from the angles, head resting against the bookshelf and hooded eyes set on Louis.

If it wasn’t for the genuine lack of interest in the deep green of his irises, Louis probably would’ve turned back around and caught up with the group. But it’s that clear indifference to Louis’ companion or lack thereof that makes him curious to stay.

It’s silent, and odd, in the most curious of ways, as Louis walks to Harry, who isn’t looking at him now, his attention caught by a piece of paper on his palm that he’s thumbing mindlessly. Louis can see gracious curves of words written in black ink that’s bled through the stained paper.

It’s just as Louis’ about to sit down that Harry stands up, something in his eyes that might have edged on playful if it wasn’t for the cruel burn of his gaze. Wordlessly, Harry drops the ball of paper on Louis’ lap, the side of his calf crazing Louis’ side as he walks past.

The sound of Harry’s footsteps melts away as the words written on the paper disassociate his mind from everything around him.

Father where to find you?

Louis swallows around the bitter taste of the words, brows furrowing involuntarily as he huffs air out of his lungs. He looks up only to be met with an empty room; Harry’s already gone, nothing but the poisonous words on the crumbled-up paper left in his wake.

It’s cruel.

It was never a secret, that Louis’ father died. He was known, if not loved, by the entire island, and his death was discussed in the newspapers as much as it was gossiped downtown; the chances of Harry not having heard were a flat zero.

Pressing his palm upon his heart in an attempt to calm down its rapid beat, Louis blinks away his tears before they have a chance to fall; to bring him down with them.

Drawing his legs to his chest, Louis wraps an arm around them, holding up the paper with the other. The words are blurry through his wet gaze, but they burn the same.

Hell, Louis wants to say. Hell is where his father would be found. He’d be embraced by Satan himself at the gates of Hell, crowned the new ruler of the great downstairs. He never did sin, and who better to punish those who sin, than one who hasn’t?

And he’d punish Harry, take him from earth prematurely like he had been taken from Louis.

But then is there a Hell greater than earth itself? Harry must know earthly Hell. No man who’s never been hurt would wish to ever write something so cruel to another, for he wouldn’t know such cruelty.

Why would Harry wish to hurt Louis? They’ve never taken particular interest on one another, never looked twice in passing.

If one stared at a picture of Harry Styles, they wouldn’t imagine him cruel. His long curls make him appear most royal, his dimples giving him boyish innocence that flatter the kindhearted. Often, he looks very human. There’s softness to his features, softness which he seems to take full advantage of.

Oddly, Louis wants to know more about him. Wants to study him but do so in secret. One doesn’t study Harry Styles in secret, though, for he’s much too aware of his surroundings even if he may not appear so.

With his uneven lips and barely-there forehead lines, Styles is human. Despite what Louis may have thought not long ago, Styles doesn’t seem to bother putting up an act, either. It is as though he truly is completely unbothered by most everything, from those around him to his surroundings.

Humans, while endlessly interesting for their flaws, often bore Louis. It’s the sudden awakening following every obsession that makes it all so depressing. If it wasn’t for the transparency that humanity curses one with, perhaps his obsessions would last beyond those two weeks that they tend to.