#but you realise ur starting to reach a point again where losing them from yr life is gonna be rly painful
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i hate tht so much of my life has been me begging others to care about me the way theyre supposed to . i hate that instead of wishing i didnt have to i wish that for once theyd say yes
#aggh. tfw when u start talking more w ur parents esp ur mother who have deeply traumatised you in the past#and who you dint know if u can rly forgive even if they did ever apologixd#they r at least currently being rly nice and somewhat supportive#and you really need that rn after the most important person to u ended ur friendship with them#but then u think abt spending more time with them and do spend more time with them and enjoy it#and then u think aby how one day u r gonna give them they im queer accept it or bye#and you know they arent going to based on past reactions so it is def bye#but you realise ur starting to reach a point again where losing them from yr life is gonna be rly painful#and you dont know what to do bc its not that u cant stay in the closet for tht long#bc u can happily but u dont wanna like. come out and face tht regection later when it hurts more bc u got more attached#got just. fewlings r so stupid why do i like. care about anyone. all its ever gotten me is pain and hurt#its only ever made things worse caring sm i just wish i could turn it off#flappy rambles
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