#butheisafreak

[enaelyork]

Long time ago in Breenthal IV (PART 2 ~ Sorry)

[Gif made by : @benmendo ]

First : thx you so much for all your support in my previous post about these two.

It was a bit of a chaotic thought about how Orson and Galen evolved on Breenthal IV and I had that sort of flash again this morning. So I wrote it all down in a beautiful, nameless mess. Sorry about that. I don't know how many parts there will be in this story (there was only supposed to be one) but I guess I'll write whatever comes to mind regarding Galen and Krennic. This can be interpreted as a deep friendship or something platonic.

I was supposed to write one paragraph but it's 3 pages...Sorry not sorry.

– I agree to follow you again but on one condition.

I look up at him and I guess he caught the look of surprise in my eyes. How long has he been doing this? Since when has negotiation been part of Galen Erso's vocabulary, he who has always been unconditional in everything he does: thinking, creating, living, befriending the worst person in this galaxy.

– Do you have a condition? Repeat I. He's smart enough to understand that 1) I'm not the type of guy to agree to conditions 2) he's following the worst example he could possibly have. Usually Galen doesn't argue when I take him on this kind of illegal expedition.

And it was this resignation that pushed me to move up a gear in transgression. This time our little nocturnal trip involves neither a classroom nor a clandestine laboratory constructed on the fly at one o'clock in the morning. This isn't about any of Galen's whims. It's my world. It was time for Galen to embark on a different type of discovery. He was ready. After months of seeing me, of guessing through my glassy looks that I sometimes slip into a reality parallel to his, Erso is going to go on an adventure into the unknown and he is so scared that he starts to act like me .

– I want you to take me home tonight.

I hope he's joking.

I have never accompanied anyone except those who end up in my bed.

– I am not your mother. I show you the way and I told you that if you got tired of it you could leave.

I lace up my impeccable pair of shoes then tuck my chaotic curls behind my ears with an indifferent air. He is not offended by the tone I use because he knows that it is a way of defending me against his attacks which further cracks the ice around my heart. And that's the worst part. He knows absolutely everything he does to me. The fact that he is the only person I still see after the twenty-four hours following our meeting or that I tolerate him much more than I do others are edifying proof of this.

– You don’t understand Orson. It's not a question of weariness, it's a question of calm. We go there together, we leave together.

- You are scared ?

For the first time since these ridiculous negotiations began, our eyes meet. I'm still standing in front of a dusty mirror that Galen only uses to reflect his thoughts, and he watches me perched on his bed, a glint in his eyes that tells me his mind is spinning like never before.

-Yes. But not for what you believe.

His words crack the air like a whip, lacerating my mind with such violence that I nearly lose my balance. Galen never had the physical strength going for him, but the impact of what he says can be as harsh as a punch to the gut. He says little, but the words are carefully chosen to hit where it hurts. Somewhere deep in my ribcage, where something pulses that I have decided to forget. Is he afraid for me? I quickly put the idea out of my head before it contaminates everything else and leaves me vulnerable to Galen's demands. But the latter is far too smart to let escape the loophole he has just opened and rushes in without having been invited, as usual.

– Do we just have to establish an emergency code? I chuckle. Him and his mania for putting codes anywhere.

– We are not in the programming class.

–Don’t pretend to be stupid.

I was thinking more of a word that would directly indicate to the other that this outing is degenerating and that we must return.

- A word ? My response should have been something like: If you think things are getting out of hand, get your shit together and go home. But instead, I play into his stupid game because I don't plan to go out without him tonight.

- A word. If you hear it it means it's too much for me. Do you want to take me to where you go out at night? Fine, but I want a guarantee that things are going well.

–And what is this word?

His eyes light up with amusement when he realizes that I have already accepted his offer without saying it.

- Treason.

I breathe loudly. How ironic. Isn’t that the word I constantly hear about myself from lips other than his?

- Your turn.

- Pardon ?

– It’s a code, Orson. You also need to have a word to put an end to this.

– In case you missed it, I don’t intend to end anything.

He is silent. Looks at me with his little air of unbearable genius and leaves me there with all my questions escaping without the slightest barrier to hold them back.

– A word, Orson. Just one.

- Sorry.

He widens his eyes, bats his eyelashes several times before snickering discreetly.

– It’s very unlikely that this word will ever come out of your mouth.

– You understood everything, Galen. Now let's go. I'm tired of this little game and we're going to be late.

However, as I am about to cross the threshold of his door, dragging him with me, a strong resistance pins me to the spot. Freezes me and forces me to turn around. Galen's hand is so firmly anchored to my wrist that one more step would tear my hand away.

– Will you promise me?

I raise my eyebrows, falsely surprised and pretending not to understand.

– Will you promise to stop this if I ask you? To bring me back here? The trap seemed to be closing on me for good. I had accepted this stupid game of code, I had even agreed to listen to this whole absurd conversation instead of taking him away by force and presenting him with a fait accompli. I was no longer one scam away from him and I noted with anguish that he was surpassing his master in terms of negotiation.

—I guess I have to if I want to keep my hand. I pause before looking him straight in the eyes as if I were about to seal an oath. I promise you, Galen. I won't leave you alone there.

—

Spoiler: I didn’t keep my promise.

I knew I was going to screw up the moment Britley slipped a glass into my hand and waved her sparkling emeralds before my eyes. I was lost in the cacophony of the music, the throes of the alcohol, and I didn't know how long it had been going on when Galen's grip tightened on my shoulder.

– Orson, stop that right now.

He had dragged me to the dingy bench seat of the bar away from my group of friends and my survival instinct had pushed me to grab a bottle as I passed and put it to my mouth to give me the courage to confront him. I burst out laughing under his nose, sure I'm making him drunk with just my breath.

- Stop what ?

Don't force me. His gaze pleaded with me as I taunted him with this bottle, still far too full for my liking. I took a sip before presenting it to him to lighten the mood but he coldly declined. Galen had refused a single drink of alcohol since we had been here, I was pretty sure of that, just as he had refused the advances and taunts of those who were surprised to see him here.

– If you want me to stop, just say so.

Looking back, I realize that I provoked it. I was drunk and the alcohol fueled all the worst things in me, starting with my pride and my anger. I wanted him to capitulate because in my eyes he was the one who started this stupid, sick game. He could have been content to follow me without discussion, without seeking guarantees and commitment to me, but obviously, things could not be simple with him, he always had to complicate them.

So he shut up. He was content to pierce me with his murderous gaze and I saw nothing pleasant in it. Galen had the gift of seeing the good in me, always and probably he was the only one in the world to do so, but it was not only in this area that he excelled.

He also showed me all my horror, in a way no one else could.

Nothing came out of his mouth, but his eyes spoke. What he let me see was how much I bothered him, how sad my lack of control made him. He wasn't sad for himself - even though he was perfectly aware that I was ripping him off - but for me and that made me all the more abject.

– If you have nothing to say, you can leave. I say, averting my gaze to meet those of more amusing people who urge me to join them quickly.

I had just spit in the face of the person who was closest to a friend in my eyes and I had done it precisely for that. Because all I would have to do is bat my eyelashes in front of him tomorrow for everything to go smoothly. Galen forgave me everything, all the time. And I turned my back on him.

----

Three days.

He hasn't spoken to me for three days.

Three days of these incessant thoughts coming back to my head.

He didn't say it.

He didn't say it when we were arguing at that bar table. He didn't say it when he saw me hug this girl and drag her upstairs with me. He didn't say it afterward, because his shadow vanished and I fell asleep unaware of what would haunt me next.

Reality.

He didn't say a word, not because he knew I didn't care. But because he preferred to remain silent, to take it upon himself rather than force me to break the promise I made to him. And it tears my heart. Shit; It's horrible to admit it but it tears my heart.

Every time I pass by his bedroom door it remains closed even though it is constantly ajar waiting for me to push it. Galen avoids me, tries to act as if nothing had happened but maintains a reasonable - unbearable - distance between us.

When I observe him from a distance, nothing seems to change in his attitude. He remains deep in thought, but I know everything is different. For the average motel, Galen is constantly immersed in a deep meditative state that helps him see more clearly in the flood of scientific reasoning that assail him.

Except, he no longer meditates.

He ruminates.

He broods and buries himself in something so dark it terrifies me. Something that not only isolates him from others, but also from me. And when he gets jostled in the canteen, once again, and bursts of laughter escape into the room, I throw myself at him to grab his arm, exactly like him that evening.

- Talk to me.

He doesn't even bother to reject me. Turns his head, stands up indifferently and takes his empty tray to put it back on the display before walking. Only his pace indicates that he is running away from me when he enters the long corridor of the programming workshops.

–Galen.

I follow him. It drives me crazy but in the end I wonder which of us is the loneliest in the world at this precise moment. Him, me. The two of us against the rest of the world?

- Shit !

Usually my swearing shocks him, but not even my rudeness shakes him out of his torpor. He doesn't stop, doesn't turn his head, moving without hesitation towards the elevator that leads to the dormitories in an attempt to escape me.

- Sorry !

The word leaves my mouth as my arm blocks the elevator door from closing on him and he freezes. Alone in the metal cage, he observes me, asking the same question as me: did I say it to stop this stupid game or for a completely different reason?

– I didn’t want to bring you back the other night. I wanted you to understand that you were capable of living with others without being afraid. He needs to stop staring at me like he does. I'll slap him, or cry, or maybe do both at the same time. In any case I'm damned if I still dare to believe that I'm ruthless towards everyone. The world is not Galen Erso.

– And you did it. I add before entering the elevator to join him. The door closes behind me and the machine starts up with a dull whir.

I wait, but only his shining eyes prove to me that he is still alive.

- I have a question.

Why did you do that ? Why you lied to me ? Am I really your friend? Are you making fun of me like they do? It was a preview of what he could ask of me. The doors had just opened to the dormitory and the only question I had was whether he was going to leave me here or let me follow him.

– Professor Lawrence told me that I had to solve the equation on the fusion of steels with crystals by modifying the first part of the calculation. He tells me that it is dangerous to want to take the risk by modifying the very essence of the materials, but I do not agree with him...

I freeze.

I feel like I'm missing the air as the cool breeze from outside rushes in in a draft.

– Do you think I should listen to him? Because really, I'm not sure that's the solution. And I've been thinking about it for three days, I can't sleep Orson... You understand. What if…What if…

He pauses, his throat tightens and I can tell in his eyes that he is collapsing.

- You were not there.

And this sentence, more than his silence, reduces my pride and my arrogance to pieces. If I wasn't Orson, if I hadn't grown up in a world different from his, maybe I would have allowed myself to touch him. But it’s also part of us, all of that, this crazy awkwardness that constitutes the very essence of our bond.

– You know what I think about all this, right? Of obedience.