#bygetoacademia

[bygetoacademia]

I'm back in school.

*cheery music*

I'll be lying if I said I was happy or excited

But I'm glad I'm back and I'm really grateful

I'm sitting in the library on my phone bc my lesson got cancelled but anywhoo...

What happened last semester

Despite having a good start, the past semesters was almost as bad as my first semester. I lost morale and energy right towards the end

And while I expected to have to write 2 supplementary exams, I didn't. The marks where enough to carry me over but not really satisfying.

Throughout the semester I struggled with accepting and loving what I'm doing. I still am tbh

I saw this a couple of days ago on Facebook:

It helped soothe me a little because I chose what I'm doing for practical purposes and yk... Yeah.

Special thanks to @astro-noob you really helped more than I could ever tell you. Also I'm back!!

Plans for the semester

I may or may not achieve them

I want to reattempt the 100 days challenge. But I'll make it 50 so that it seems achievable at least. And I'll reconvene after the first 50 days. I might not be able to make daily updates but I'll do my best for weekly

I want to aim for 90% across the board. And put in effort that matches that. Yk the whole "Aim for the stars and land among your dreams", that's what I'm hoping will happen

I want to actually start loving Nursing. Atleast enough to become an efficient nurse.

I also want to try and open up a bit more and make a 1 friend atleast. Or an acquaintance or something pls it doesn't even matter if they do Nursing (it would be a bonus though). 2 years in this place and I've made new 1 acquaintance (sb I haven't went to school with previously)

Have something tangible I've done for myself by the end of the semester.

Work on myself, my confidence, appearance, self esteem, communication skills and just take a few more steps to being well rounded. Being shy and secluded isn't doing me any favours.

[bygeto]

Navigation

BygetoAcademia (a separate blog)

BygetoWatched (random, mostly anime)

[bygetoacademia]

Finally got around to making that academic sideblog

[bygetoacademia]

100 days of productivity update

Well...

I didn't manage to get through even half of the challenge, but it's not the first thing I've failed at this year so it's fine. Maybe I'll try again next semester.

Gloomy yap sesh

Truth is I'm tired mentally. And I've been like this for a really long time, it has just amped up to great heights recently

It sucks watching myself lose interest in absolutely everything. I don't have the energy to talk to my favorite people. I haven't touched a book in ages. Anime is starting to be a lil boring. I don't react to any Suguru content. I scroll past satosugu videos on TikTok like they're ads... It really breaks my heart because I want to be interested in all of these but I'm not and that's that.

To make things a little bit worse, I caught a cold so I feel extra crappy and I can't smell anything, which means bath time therapy won't work. And it's that time of the month so the hormones are doing their thing and I'm at my absolute lowest rn.

It's times like these I wish I had somewhere to escape to. If I had enough balls I'd ask my cousin or one of my aunts to let me visit them just for a week to get some air. But I have negative balls so here I am yapping on Tumblr while eating the most tasteless rice of my life.

When I made the decision to move back home I asked myself one simple question: Money or Mental Health. After a few weeks of pondering I decided to go the money route because I thought I was a strong little girl but boy was I wrong!

Did I save some money? Yes! absolutely but I'm in shambles right now even the voices are concerned

Every time I try to bounce back with The Power of Positivity™ I get knocked down within an hour. I don't even want to bother anymore

"Why don't you talk to somebody" Idk, everybody has their own thing going on, big things as a matter of fact and me coming with my little issues might seem a little insulting to them.

Besides if I try talking to somebody around me they might:

Blank stare + I can't help you with this one

Say "that's bitch shit"

You're being dumb on purpose bc you know exactly what to do which is true but not necessarily simple

Do I feel better after this rant... Not necessarily

[bygetoacademia]

Day Thirty-Two to Day Thirty-Seven (of a 100)+Week's Reflection

Summary of my week bc hiatus... Which I'm officially ending today bc honestly.... I need to inhale smaus this coming week. More beneath the cut

What I did during the week

The strong stench of finals has woken me up. Also I'm very forgetful so idk I may be forgetting somethings here and there

Monday

-I had 2 quizzes (Biochem+Anatomy )on Tuesday so I dedicated this entire day to reading through topics that we were going to be tested on (Digestive System, Female reproductive system, Male Reproductive System for Anatomy) (Liver function Tests,Hormones, Renal function tests). I did Digestive System for Anatomy and Liver function tests for Biochemistry

Tuesday (D-Day)

- Got to school nice and early to squeeze in more studying, I studied Biochem (Liver function Tests) this was such a long chapter!! until 30 minutes before I had to write (At 11am), unfortunately for me I couldn't get to doing Hormones in time I didn't even finish Liver functions.... Luckily though there weren't too many questions on Hormones, so I FLOPPED but it was reasonable. Then I did Anatomy until I lost motivation at 3pm (I had to write at 6pm). I did Digestive System, and Female Rep system (I stopped halfway through this one) and then mainly focused on the diagrams. WHEN I TELL YOU I SUCKED ON THIS TEST?!? Half of the stuff that came out was literally 2 slides below where I had stopped. I felt like literal crap, so I just bought myself chocolate and a few icecreams to eat on the bus home, on a cold Monday night.

Wednesday

It was a holiday. But I was sad for most of the day, so I redownloaded TikTok. I scrolled and sulked until about 2pm, when I got random motivation and finished Liver Function Tests. The spent the rest of the day comforting myself.

Thursday

I had another quiz, which was supposed to open at 12pm and close at 12am. So I started studying for it at 8am a little bit and slacked off at 11. But then it opened 20 minutes so late so I procrastinated until 11pm and wrote it then. But as I avoided studying what I had to study, I finished up the female reproductive system.

Redownloaded Tumblr

Friday

I started Renal function tests. And I was supposed to pull an all nighter but I fell asleep at 10pm

Saturday

During I was genuinely struggling through Renal function tests, so I was incredibly slow took a lot of breaks before I quit. Around that time I heard there were new Biochemistry notes uploaded so I was baffled bc that meant I had another chapter to struggle through. So I tried to go print them out bc I like my physical copies, and the place was closed... So essentially I wasted a lot of time. But later that night I decided to drop Renal function tests for the time being and do other topics instead so I did Biochemistry of Bone + Gastrointestinal disturbances. I pulled off a mini all nighter... Not really bc I slept at 2am. In my defence that's pretty late in my books.

Sunday (Today)

Woke up at 7, did Thyroid hormones for Biochemistry. And then for my BNS class did Skin Integrity and Woundcare, then Urinary Elimination (which I'm halfway through at time of writing)

How I feel about all of this

I want to chop my head off

What I'm doing tomorrow

BNS test at 8am.... I'm beyond saving.

[bygetoacademia]

Quick Hiatus Update+ Week's Reflection

What I did throughout the week

Monday- Didn't really grasp the concept of what a social media hiatus was, spent the whole day using the socials as usual, did a few pages of something anatomy related, attended a lab and that's it.

Tuesday- Really locked in, stayed away from social media, went to the library, did like 3 chapters (whatever lecture 5 was and cardiovascular disease, Biochem) in one day

Wednesday- My final assessment at the labs (50% of my grade) Flopped, forgot a few steps... Nice. Went on TikTok to soothe myself.

Thursday- A lil depresso day but I manage to write two pages of notes before quitting, used back on TikTok and Tumblr

Friday- Another depresso day BUT at around 2pm I randomly got motivation and finished a whole chapter (Cancer, Biochem)

Saturday- I was back on the socials with full force, more or less a rot day

Sunday- Fought to find the will to study, did half a chapter, VERY distracted by Character Ai?!... Idek it's like I was begging to do anything but schoolwork

Weeks Reflection

Stressed

Didn't do enough work

Time is running out

I disappoint myself

It wasn't really a hiatus week as I had planned

What I'm going to do next?

Pulling out the big guns, I HAVE to start deleting apps, starting with TikTok

This is for my own good I don't want to

I'll probably do weekly updates instead of daily like I used to do, until after exams idk

I might drop the academic sideblog, I don't have the energy to run two blogs at once

[bygetoacademia]

Day Twenty-Nine (of a 100)

What I planned to do

Attend lab

Wrap up presentation

Present it

What I actually did

I attended the lab but I didn't actually do much bc other students had to do the procedure and I had already did it (wound assessment and care btw)

Finished the presentation: the introduction, conclusion, adding citations and reference list (I literally finished the reference list within minutes of the lesson starting)

Doing the presentation didn't go as well as I had planned, I was a raging ball of nerves and ended up just reading in a rushed monotone voice 😞

What I'm proud of

Not much tbh

What I have to say

I hate presentations 😍

Any last words

I was so drained

[bygetoacademia]

I wasted the first month of the semester watching anime and reading about gay men fucking

That's it, that's the school update

[bygetoacademia]

I just chose a french elective...

And it's because of this bitch right here... Technically and edit of him

[bygetoacademia]

Week's Reflection (100 days of productivity)

Well well well....

Observations

This week followed the same trend as the past few weeks, a slow downward spiral

There have been a lot of zero days, yesterday included

I've had zero motivation and no sense of discipline

Exams are very close (next month) and I'm anything but ready

How I plan to fix/improve

To counter my slow regression into bad habits, I've decided to start from scratch, fixing my sleep schedule, internal monologue, attitude towards school, changing habits, taking care of myself better etc. And since I've done it before, I have some sort of foundation so I figure it'll be faster than it was last year, and I'll settle into a healthier school/life pattern.

Unfortunately this also means cutting down on social media for a little bit not because I use it too much but because of why I use it, it's enabling my escapism so I need to step back and face the reality of my life, my actions and their consequences, only after that will I be able to let myself return.

I'll probably start going to school more or atleast visiting the library, I know I'll be able to get back on track by this week

So yeah I'll be going on an indefinite hiatus on this challenge, maybe 4 days, maybe a week, maybe the entire month (not likely though). Idk if I'll be continuing from where I left off or restarting the entire thing, I'll see when I come back.

[bygetoacademia]

Day Thirty-One (of a 100)

What I planned to do

Something... Just something, anything

What I actually did

Nothing

What I'm proud of

Nothing

What I have to say

I'm just tired of seeing myself fall into the same cycles again and again. I've regressed so much, I'm back to finding it hard to wake up in the morning and just spending my days rotting. I barely have enough energy for chores and ik I'm just being- sigh 😔

Any last words

Exams are so close, idk why I do this to myself

[bygetoacademia]

Day Twenty-Eight (of a 100)

What I planned to do

Start and finish the presentation I had to do (actually I was supposed to have started it the night before but I fell asleep womp womp)

What I actually did

I did like 80% of the presentation, took me the entire day, looking for articles, reading through them was so tiring these people yap so much bro, taking notes and making the presentation itself

What I'm proud of

I really don't want to say I'm proud of doing something I should have done a long time ago

What I have to say

I don't think I'll be taking any other theology class any time soon

Any last words

I still think I could've done better on that presentation tbh or put in more effort but anywhoo