#c: i object to intellect without discipline

[anghraine]

No surprise which I'm voting for, lmao

ROUND FIVE: POLL #1 - Finals

KimHarry art by foxydodo on Tumblr

ROUND FIVE POLLS [HERE]

PROPAGANDA BELOW

Kim Kitsuragi/Harry Du Bois:

Best ship ever made. It’s a reflection of Harry’s rebirth due to amnesia via connecting with someone. It’s Kim finally finding someone that respects him back, someone who understands his anxieties and rituals, and vice versa. It has the messy undercurrent of potentially bringing in Harry’s near devotion and glossing over Kim’s flaws out of sheer adoration, a comparison that hasn’t ended well in the past. It is a reflection of hope for the future, that life goes on despite everything and that one day I will return to your side. It can be angst ridden or fluffier than clouds. It can be doomed if you want it to be, or it could be new beginnings personified. It’s old man yaoi. The game’s team has made ship edits in the past. I’m not even sure words can describe how much I like it.

Propaganda by @moozpatrol [HERE]

Propaganda by @drinking-tea-at-parties [HERE]

Captain James T. Kirk/Spock:

"They have a deep understanding and affection for each other, they’ve both saved and sacrificed for one another many times, they both consider the other to be the most important relationship in their life, and the way they look at and touch one another absolutely indicates that they’re in love with each other."

Propaganda Submitted by @tprings-hair [HERE], [HERE], [HERE],[HERE], [HERE], [HERE], and [HERE]

Propaganda Submitted by Anon [HERE]

[anghraine]

I was thinking about my personal "TOS is really its own thing" headcanons for K/S, and also, that one of the things that really surprised me when I actually marathoned the whole series was the acknowledged ethical issue around captain/crew fraternization.

To rewind back to my ship, lol: I definitely think that Spock and Kirk are obsessively in love with each other, and it's pretty obvious that every other relationship and person in their lives pales in comparison, but I don't actually imagine that they've said or done anything about this beyond the kinds of things we've seen onscreen.

I mean. Yes, that includes things like "when Kirk gets a massage on the bridge for his back pain, he just assumes it's Spock and is intensely uncomfortable to discover it's someone else" + the two of them saying breathtaking romantic things with obvious heart eyes while ignoring the existence of everyone around them + Kirk's most compelling and insightful love interest remarking that Spock obviously belongs with him as if he always will be at Kirk's side + everything "Amok Time" chooses to be + mutual seething jealousy/Spock excising his rival from Kirk's mind while he sleeps + Kirk saying Spock is closer to him than anyone in the universe + Spock regularly abandoning his principles when it comes to Kirk etc etc etc. But I don't think they've actually said what they feel or initiated a (physically) sexual relationship during TOS itself.

Taking TOS by itself and ignoring the regular reboots of their characterizations in ... well, everything else, I definitely feel like they're moving inexorably towards that kind of unambiguous romantic relationship in TOS, just that they haven't quite taken that last step yet.

In fact, I suspect that the "You are closer to the captain than anyone in the universe" statement from bodysnatched Kirk to Spock is likely the most explicit statement either has made about how they feel or what their relationship really is, and it carefully stops just short of saying too much. And it's immediately followed by a) a mind-meld, I think the fourth between them, but the first in which Spock effortlessly melds them without a single word to help, and b) one of the most extended periods of physical contact between them, with iirc over two minutes of Spock holding Kirk's bare hand/wrist on screen as they try to escape together signifying nothing, with scene cuts suggesting the actual duration may in fact be longer (*gasps in Vulcan*).

The show ends with that episode because of the cancellation, but there's something weirdly apropos about it as a finale on a purely shipping level. I definitely felt like the dynamic between them has reached such a point by "Turnabout Intruder" that there's no going back. But I don't think anything more significant than what we've seen has happened off screen, just that the acknowledgment of the nature of their feelings and the shift to an overtly romantic, sexual relationship seem inevitable at this point. And by "overtly," I mean to each other, not necessarily anyone else.

There are various reasons I feel this way. Partly it's the high-octane yearning and repression that both exhibit in very different ways, which I think make more sense if they haven't acknowledged anything yet or transitioned away from pretending it's platonic. But one reason I envision them as Not Quite There But Definitely Going To Be, that I've rarely seen mentioned thus far, is something I would never have guessed from pop culture or even fandom osmosis.

Early in the series, Kirk explicitly states that he considers his crew completely off-limits in a romantic context. This ethical restriction applies only to him and not any other senior officers. Throughout the rest of the series, we're told and shown that Starfleet does not forbid fraternization among crew members of different ranks. Kirk himself says that it would be fine for Spock to have a romantic relationship with Janice Rand, just not Kirk.

And moreover, Kirk never does voluntarily enter a romantic relationship with any crew member. He and Janice Rand have a mutual infatuation for awhile that both handle with as much professionalism as possible. The closest thing to an openly romantic interaction with a crew member is probably Kirk kissing Helen Noel after Helen and Dr. Adams artificially screwed around with his memories and feelings—but we discover in the process that he was the one who refused to do more than dance at the Christmas party, when he backed off and scrupulously talked about space while Helen was the one with the unsentimental sex fantasy who keeps pushing his boundaries even in the present. That's why he's so unusually hostile; they were never together, even as a fling, and she hasn't taken no for an answer.

I guess Kirk and Mulholl agreeing to be possessed by married aliens for a final goodbye kiss is sort of ...? I mean. You get it, sometimes there's some sci-fi plot device, but nothing real and nothing while he has full control of his body and mind.

Kirk's real exes are all former long-term girlfriends, most of them also part of Starfleet and professionals in science or science-adjacent fields, but never crew members.

It's not 100% clear in TOS if the repeated statements and suggestions about lack of Starfleet restrictions on fraternization except wrt the captain is Starfleet policy, or just Kirk's personal stance. Kirk says he's not allowed to have a relationship of that kind with Janice Rand in "The Naked Time," but he's contracted the disease by then and it's part of a generally unhinged ramble. It's later stated that romance isn't forbidden on Starfleet vessels, but that's about crew romances in general and not the captain in particular. So it's difficult to know the real source of the ethical prohibition. Maybe there are actual regulations around this (makes sense) or maybe it's just a hard ethical line that Kirk has independently chosen for himself (also makes sense), but when he's functional and autonomous enough to be held responsible for his actions, this is a line he does not cross.

The point here is that, while I don't remotely blame other K/S fans for ignoring this inconvenient fraternization detail, Spock is a member of Kirk's crew. Yes, he's a senior officer and the highest-ranking person on the ship after Kirk himself, so maybe it wouldn't be as egregious as with someone else—but then again, maybe Kirk propositioning Spock would be considered even more unethical than propositioning Janice, since Janice at least has other authorities over her, while Spock answers directly to Kirk in the chain of command and will do virtually anything Kirk tells or asks him to do.

Kirk and Spock's relationship is intense and [gestures] everything enough that there are scenarios where I could imagine Kirk dropping this otherwise non-negotiable ethical line (the classic is, of course, "Spock's human heritage makes his pon farr cycle erratic and it comes back early ... oh no..."). I don't think we've seen any such scenario during TOS, though.

In any case, I feel like Kirk is unlikely to proposition Spock either romantically or sexually during the five-year mission. After years of constant proximity and yearning and ostensibly platonic hijinks and assuming it would never happen, I could see his resolve crumbling if Spock tried to initiate a romance with him. But that is also unlikely throughout most of TOS, because of Spock's own hang-ups around emotion and attachment—he's struggling with shame over feeling basic friendly affection, and in reality he feels far more than that.

I also don't think their true preferences when it comes to love, or their sense of what love really is for them, are inclined towards casual/undefined relationships or even poly relationships. So I don't personally envision them as FWBs or in a "they were in love but not taking it that seriously" scenario; I don't think either situation would be all that probable or desirable for them. They're both conspicuously jealous of anything or anyone that could possibly compete with their own absolute centrality in each other's lives; Spock never so much as kisses anyone without being dubconned into it and is guilty about having friends; Kirk's entire sexual history when it's not For The Mission is consistently geared towards long-term and sentimentally romantic relationships. Kirk supplies a very clear, emphatic description of love as he understands it:

Is he important to you, more important than anything? Is he as though he were a part of you? [...] But you can't really love him. You haven't the slightest knowledge of love, the total union of two people.

Kirk understands impossible/forbidden love in terms of some fundamental separation from a single beloved, being perpetually apart from them and unable to achieve the kind of absolute joining of lives and minds that he regards as love. (In some ways, this seems an incredibly Vulcan perspective on love, which, well.)

I think he and Spock are close to crossing the last barriers to that point of absolute union by "Turnabout Intruder," given their extreme intimacy as well as the very real possibility of grafting their lives and minds to each other in the way both pretty clearly crave. But I feel like there are only two ways it can really happen: 1) some wildly fortunate circumstance makes it ethically justifiable for Kirk to approach Spock, or 2) Spock makes the first move, which means that unless they're just randomly very lucky, everything hangs on him coming to terms with himself.

Then again, I also think Spock's arc across the show is building towards a point where he is coming to terms with himself in that way, with asserting what he wants, what bothers him, and what he's willing to reach for or accept. By the finale, I can believe he's truly on the point of getting there.

The movies hit the reset and retcon buttons hard, but taking TOS by itself as aired, the arc of their relationship and its development over the course of the show feels more hopeful to me. I can believe that S3 Spock has grown into himself enough to get to the point he needs to be at to make the first ("first") move before much longer. This is the Spock who essentially told Starfleet to go fuck themselves because they wouldn't let him jeopardize a fraught diplomatic situation to search for Kirk, told Sulu to scan for Kirk for potentially years, then defied explicit orders and tracked him down personally. There is very little he wouldn't do for Kirk by S3.

Kirk, meanwhile, has never been anything but 1000% receptive to whatever Spock is willing to give him; he spends a significant portion of TOS looking like he's about to dissolve into hearts at eye contact and a slight mouth twitch from Spock, if that. By S3, though, he's visibly more ground-down and tired, he's been put through further horrors that he often only escaped via his intimacy with Spock, and he's increasingly desperate for real connection. I can believe that at this point, he'd finally be at "fuck it" if Spock's love was on the table.

So I don't think that during the time period of TOS, their romance is formalized at all, or even acknowledged, or that they have a sexual relationship beyond the turbo-charged UST and frequent physical contact (to a degree that seems likely obscene on Vulcan. but as Spock no doubt justifies to himself, they're not on Vulcan). But I also think that by the end of the show, their dynamic has moved towards a stage where the shift to an unambiguously romantic relationship, even if hidden, feels inevitable and imminent. I genuinely feel like they're so close to full honesty with each other at this point that it can't be long, and that's with over a year of the mission left.

[anghraine]

I breezed through "The Enterprise Incident" when we first watched it, apart from the glory of the Romulan commander. And, I mean, she absolutely is glorious, especially considering how so many single-episode female characters fare (esp in the dubcon scenarios, which I would consider this). Love her, love her power, love her being played by an actress who I'm pretty sure was older than Nimoy and Shatner, love the adaptation of the standard hot lady miniskirt to Romulan authority, love the camera clearly understanding that she's the hottest person in the universe without diminishing her authority.

The episode is definitely imperfect in some ways, but the Romulan commander elevates the entire silly plot and it canonizes Erotic Vulcan (and/or Romulan) Finger Touching.

But one of my favorite small character notes is also Spock buying time via Romulan legal codes that allow him to confess in detail for twenty minutes, so he just ... uses his own confession of his crimes as a filibuster.

[anghraine]

So one of the revelations from watching the entirety of TOS is that Kirk and Spock's relationship is not only every bit as homoerotic as rumored and then some—though it is—but that they are also incredibly fucking unhinged about it. So for this week's poll, I wanted to honor this discovery!

(The character limitations don't allow for much detail, and in context these are even more incredible, so I'll add the links/clips/summations beneath the cut!)

1— "The Empath" (Season 3)

Context: the girl of the week, Gem, is a member of a species of mute empaths able to absorb others' injuries through sympathy and generally drawn to positive emotion. Meanwhile, Kirk is tortured by other parties in the episode to test her willingness to take on others' suffering, and he falls into an exhausted unconscious heap on a bench.

Gem starts to head away towards McCoy, but is suddenly arrested by something she senses and turns to look at Spock, who is moving over to sit next to Kirk and watch him sleep. When Spock realizes he's being observed, he turns away and pretends to study data in his tricorder. Gem isn't fooled, however, and walks back over to him, touching Spock's shoulder and staring at him with wonder in her face over this simple feeling whatever his emotion is while delicate music plays in the background. See for yourself:

2— "Shore Leave" (Season 1)

Context: Kirk is fatigued and strained and in physical pain after ... uh, everything (this episode was aired immediately after "The Conscience of the King" and "Balance of Terror," so it's not hard to buy). He tries to stretch out his back and Spock, standing behind Kirk with his hands on the back of the captain's chair, pulls his hands back and asks him if something is wrong. Kirk explains it's just the kink in his back. A pretty female yeoman starts massaging his back (uh) and Kirk welcomes it under the mistaken belief that it's Spock doing it:

"That's it. A little higher, please. Push. Push hard. Dig it in there, Mr.—"

Spock lifts a brow and pointedly steps forward so Kirk can see it's not him, and Kirk immediately orders the yeoman to stop with a meaningful look at Spock.

(Bonus episode points: Spock's smug satisfaction at tricking Kirk into taking shore leave where McCoy failed, and them grasping at each other when they're in danger.)

3— "A Taste of Armageddon" (Season 1)

Context: After Kirk successfully uses a risky gambit to trick two neighboring peoples into making peace rather than continuing to murder millions of people via computers, he explains his thinking:

It was a calculated risk. Still, the Eminians keep a very orderly society, and actual war is a very messy business. A very, very messy business. I had a feeling that they would do anything to avoid it, even talk peace.

When Spock is dubious about acting based on "a feeling," Kirk adds:

Sometimes, Mr. Spock, a feeling is all we humans have to go on.

Spock replies:

Captain, you almost make me believe in luck.

And then Kirk dials it up to:

Why, Mr. Spock, you almost make me believe in miracles.

Then the camera just focuses on Spock visibly trying to process this and the episode ends.

4— "Requiem for Methuselah" (Season 3)

Context: this is one of relatively few episodes in which Kirk actually gets to pursue a woman because he likes her rather than desperate circumstances; as usual with people he cares about, she dies. He's so emotionally drained at this point in the show that, upon returning to the ship, he describes his immortal rival for her love and himself as "A very old and lonely man, and a young and lonely man," mutters that he wishes he could just forget it all, and falls asleep at a table.

Meanwhile, Spock (who has been visibly intense and uncomfortable throughout the whole episode) stays nearby as McCoy enters. Spock gestures at him to stay quiet and McCoy briefly exposits a plot point to Spock, then segues into an unexpectedly vicious, half-smiling monologue about what Kirk's gone through in the episode and how Spock could never understand it:

Considering his opponent's longevity, truly an eternal triangle. You wouldn't understand that, would you, Spock? You see, I feel sorrier for you than I do for him, because you'll never know the things that love can drive a man to. The ecstasies, the miseries, the broken rules, the desperate chances, the glorious failures, the glorious victories. All of these things you'll never know simply because the word love isn't written into your book. Goodnight, Spock.

Spock just endures and politely replies "Goodnight, doctor," but after McCoy leaves, he allows himself to respond. Without so much as a scene break, Spock slowly walks over to the unconscious Kirk, touches his face, and mind-melds with him while he sleeps. And then he wipes Kirk's memory (!!!) of the tragic romance with his rival this girl, murmuring:

Forget.

5— "And the Children Shall Lead" (Season 3)

Context: a simple instance from a weak episode, but also ... damn, it's a lot. A bunch of children under the malign influence of an evil imperialist alien have managed to take over the Enterprise. This isn't the first time something roughly similar has happened, but at this point, Kirk has a full on panic attack as he and Spock leave the bridge and take the turbolift. Kirk clings to Spock as he melts down and Spock unsuccessfully tries to calm him with "Captain," but it only works when he murmurs, "Jim."

Kirk freezes and then immediately calms back down to his usual rational self. Spock is still concerned and Kirk assures him he'll be fine now (and is).

6— "Miri" (Season 1)

McCoy, Janice Rand, Kirk, and Spock are all gathered around trying to figure out the disease of the week, which has infected all of them (though Spock is asymptomatic). Kirk and Spock lock eyes and Spock points out that they can't go back to the ship, including him since he'd be a carrier, and then he adds:

Whatever happens, I can't go back to the ship ... and I do want to go back to the ship, captain.

Kirk smiles slowly and they just stare at each other as if Janice and McCoy had dropped off the face of the planet.

7— "The Tholian Web" (Season 3)

Context: Kirk is trapped in a different phase of space while a local anomaly is gradually driving the crew of the Enterprise to insane rage. At the same time, the hostile Tholians are threatening the Enterprise with the obvious intent of killing them all within short order, and Kirk's disappearance places Spock in command throughout this triple crisis. Spock refuses to order an escape, instead insisting on the Enterprise remaining in place to keep trying to rescue Kirk, homicidal insanity of the crew be damned, even as the Tholians began attacking.

McCoy urges Spock to prioritize the welfare of the Enterprise and its crew above Kirk, telling him they can't afford to stick around and keep trying. Spock refuses and things predictably get worse.

McCoy confronts him about his priorities:

You should've known what could've happened and done everything in your power to safeguard your crew. That is the mark of a starship captain, like Jim.

Plot events lead everyone, including Spock, to believe that Kirk is dead, and as acting commander, Spock also has to lead the memorial service:

as a result of the battle, we must accept the fact that Captain Kirk is no longer alive. [...] I shall not attempt to voice the quality of respect and admiration which Captain Kirk commanded. Each of you must evaluate the loss in the privacy of your own thoughts.

McCoy continues to lash out at him directly afterwards:

He was a hero in every sense of the word, yet his life was sacrificed for nothing. The one thing that would have given his death meaning is the safety of the Enterprise. Now you've made that impossible, Mr. Spock. [...] I really came here to find out why you stayed and fought. [...] You could have assured yourself of a captaincy by leaving the area. But you chose to stay. Why?

Spock coldly replies:

I need not explain my rationale to you or any other member of this crew.

They snap at each other until they find the recording left for both of them by Kirk in the case of his death. It (hilariously) begins:

Bones, Spock, since you are playing this tape, we will assume that I am dead, that the tactical situation is critical, and both of you are locked in mortal combat.

The message is honestly both wise and heartwarming about how they should respect each other and both have important qualities to offer in a crisis. McCoy immediately feels ashamed of how he's been behaving at such a moment, and tells Spock:

Spock, I, er, I'm sorry. It does hurt, doesn't it?

Spock bleakly replies:

What would you have me say, doctor?

8— "Turnabout Intruder" (Season 3)

Context: in the very peculiar series finale, Kirk's autocratic and vengeful ex-girlfriend uses some kind of machine to take control of his body, leaving him trapped in her body. Spock notices almost immediately that "Kirk" is acting out of character and that "Janice" clearly knows something, so he goes to talk to "her" and Kirk tells him everything. Spock thinks it's possible but there's no certain proof, and Kirk urges him to mind-meld with him:

You are closer to the captain than anyone in the universe. You know his thoughts. What does your telepathic mind tell you now?

Spock melds with him and is promptly convinced.

Bonus: Spock tries to help Kirk escape shortly thereafter and holds his wrist/hand for a good twenty seconds.

9— "The Paradise Syndrome" (Season 3)

Context: Kirk becomes a carefree amnesiac stranded on a planet of transplanted Indigenous people (it's as bad as it sounds), but there's a much more well-done subplot around Spock commanding the Enterprise in the meanwhile. He stubbornly risks the ship (again) to try and rescue Kirk, but the attempt disastrously fails, leaving the ship with only impulse power. McCoy says in some frustration:

Well, Spock, you took your calculated risk in your calculated Vulcan way, and you lost. You lost for us, you lost for that planet, and you lost for Jim.

Despite his exasperation, McCoy still tries to get Spock to rest. Spock simply ignores him and orders the ship to head towards the planet Kirk is stranded on, still stubbornly set on rescuing him, even though they have no warp capabilities and have to travel entirely by impulse power. When McCoy protests that it'll take months, Spock replies:

Exactly 59.223 days, doctor.

And there's no clever solution around it, either. They do take nearly two months getting to the planet and Spock spends 58 days of the journey fixated on figuring out the puzzle that will allow them to save Kirk. McCoy tries to get him to eat or sleep, since he's done little of either for over 50 days, but Spock refuses to do anything except prepare for rescuing Kirk:

I'm also aware when we arrive at the planet, we'll have barely four hours to effect rescue. I believe those symbols are the key. [...] I am not hungry, doctor. [...] My physical condition is not important, doctor. That obelisk is.

McCoy eventually threatens to call security to force him away from studying the puzzle and make him lie down, so Spock finally goes to bed. As soon as McCoy is gone and out of earshot, Spock just gets back up and returns to contemplating the puzzle until he has a breakthrough.

Then upon beaming down and finding an injured, still-amnesiac Kirk, Spock mind-melds with him to try and repair his memory.

I am Spock. You are James Kirk. Our minds are moving closer. Closer, closer, closer, James Kirk. Closer. [...] Our minds are one. [...] Spock!

Spock breaks the link and falls back, gasping. When McCoy asks what's wrong, Spock just says:

His mind. He is an extremely dynamic individual.

10— "The Enemy Within" (Season 1)

Context: Kirk has been split into two people, representing each half of his personality: one half is noble, intellectual, and restrained, but cautious and indecisive, while the other is strong and bold, but vicious, selfish, and violent. At this point in the episode, Spock et al don't know about the split, so good!Kirk is oblivious and evil!Kirk's bizarre behavior is being attributed to normal Kirk. McCoy sends Spock to the captain's quarters to find out what's wrong with him.

Spock dutifully goes to Kirk's quarters, where he finds good!Kirk relaxing without a shirt on and promptly realizes he's gay loses the ability to put normal sentences together. It's difficult to overstate or even describe the homoeroticism of this scene, so judge for yourself:

Bonus: after Spock realizes he's dealing with only half of Kirk and has taken up helping him present a good front, he has to keep correcting good!Kirk's weaknesses and tells him that acting like actual Kirk means "You can't afford the luxury of being anything less than perfect."

11— "Errand of Mercy" (Season 1)

Context: Kirk and Spock are trying to pass themselves off as members of a species of ostensibly docile, peaceful people being (ostensibly) colonized by the Klingon Empire. Kirk in particular struggles to keep his head down, and when a Klingon shoves and threatens Spock, Kirk loses his shit and nearly clobbers the Klingon. Spock manages to calm him down and as they walk away, Kirk mutters:

You didn't really think I was going to beat his head in, did you?

Spock replies:

I thought you might.

Kirk says:

You're right.

12— "Amok Time" (Season 2)

We all know about this one, let's be real. It's difficult to even choose a moment—Spock confiding in Kirk about Vulcan mating practices (Kirk: O_O) and his loathing of the prospect, with Kirk protecting his confidentiality ("I haven't heard a word you've said"), Kirk defending his own choice to implode his career and defy Starfleet (without breaking Spock's confidence) to rush Spock to Vulcan ("I owe him my life a dozen times over. Isn't that worth a career? He's my friend"), Spock telling Kirk he'll undoubtedly find pon farr "distasteful" and Kirk responding "Will I?", Spock begging T'Pau not to let T'Pring choose Kirk as her champion ("I will do what I must [in combat], T'Pau, but not with him! ... In the name of my fathers, forbid. Forbid! T'Pau. I plead with thee! I beg!"), Spock's bleak response to T'Pau's "live long and prosper" after his victory ("I shall do neither. I have killed my captain and my friend"), Spock explaining that his pon farr vanished the moment he thought he'd killed Kirk ("When I thought I had killed the captain, I found I had lost all interest in T'Pring"), McCoy trying to get Spock to admit that his relief at Kirk's survival is illogical and Spock blatantly lying that he is just concerned with the loss of an effective captain, to which Kirk simply responds "Yes, Mr. Spock. I understand" while McCoy splutters ...

But honestly, my favorite is the brief moment of unrestrained emotion when Spock discovers Kirk is still alive and he cries "Jim!" as his whole face lights up and he grabs him. It's one of the only times in TOS that he's in his right mind and yet too overwhelmed to hide what he feels, and it's famous for a reason.

[anghraine]

I was thinking about "Journey to Babel" for whatever reason, and about how I find Sarek and Amanda super intriguing both as Spock's parents and as a couple.

Like, before watching, I had the vague fandom-osmosis impression that Sarek is Spock's shitty, judgmental father who actually does care about him deep (deep) down and will come through in a pinch, but not much more than that. I'd gathered that his emotional world mostly revolves around being crazy about his wife while refusing to admit he has feelings about anything (and everyone sees through this).

I also had a vague fandom-osmosis impression that Amanda is the normal, supportive, emotionally healthy parent to Sarek's distant, disapproving one and that it's not entirely clear why she even stays with this asshole except some vague "well, she loves him, I guess."

But upon watching the actual episode, I was quite surprised by Amanda—not at first, when she does seem more or less as reported, but later, as the stakes rise and we end up with Spock anxious about Kirk's health (because he got stabbed nearly to death) and insistently upholding his responsibility to take up Kirk's role, while Amanda is anxious about Sarek's health (because he's nearly dead of a congenital problem) and insistently trying to use whatever influence she can bring to bear to save him (the parallel signifying nothing, I'm sure). And the way these collide is kind of heartbreaking, because "Journey to Babel" is entirely clear that her reason for staying with Sarek is not that she's vaguely loving but that she's every bit as insane about him as he is about her.

When she hits Spock for not risking his own life and that of hundreds of other people on board to donate a ton of blood to Sarek in an experimental procedure that may or may not even work and tells him she'll hate him forever if he doesn't do it, I was like... I mean, I get that it's a tough moment for her, yes. But also, what the fuck. This is your son, ma'am.

I don't hate her for this, to be clear. I was just surprised that Spock is such an obviously secondary priority to both of his parents rather than Amanda being The Normal One. Amanda has never been normal about Sarek a day in her life!

And ... I mean, Spock himself has repeatedly jeopardized the lives of everyone on the Enterprise for slim chances of somehow saving Kirk, well past the point when even McCoy was telling him to stop. Oh, and Spock led a different outside chance of saving Kirk that failed and left the Enterprise with only impulse power, and Spock's response was to keep going towards Kirk's location on impulse power and spend the 58 days it took him to get there barely eating or sleeping.

So, like, yes, I don't get the feeling that Sarek or Amanda are particularly good parents, though they love Spock in their very different ways. But I do kind of respect them for being the only TOS couple who I genuinely feel are absolutely unhinged about each other in the same way as Spock and Kirk. As far as TOS is concerned, I'd love to be a fly on the wall at their family gatherings.

[livrelady]

#sarek and spock are obviously on better terms at that point and i'm like. what exactly has spock said that would lead sarek to assume#kirk is the only possible person spock would have left his katra with? even once he knows kirk wasn't there?#and also that the explanation for it being someone else isn't that spock had the same relationship with anyone else but the absolutely wild#we were separated :( he couldn't touch me... :'(#also when they return and sarek's like tell them... i mean tell KIRK that we're ready.#despite knowing perfectly well that mccoy is the one going insane with spock's katra fucking him up#AND kirk is the one sarek feels the need to mention to respawned spock#WHAT DOES SAREK KNOW. WHAT DID SPOCK SAY TO HIM THAT MAKES HIM ACT LIKE THIS. I WANT TO KNOWWWWW#c: i object to intellect without discipline#c: who do i have to be#sarek#james t kirk#star peace#the search for spock#otp: the premise#spock (X)

I'm kicking my feet giggling to the fact that Sarek assumed Kirk would have Spock's katra and was so surprised when he didn't, like "sorry Kirk, it's just so obvious you two are- uh- I just thought you would have a part of his sould after his death"

[youdecode]

5 Quick Handwriting Features Expose a Lot About Your Saucy Personality

And style, by the way, is a very important thing. It is like your signature, your handwriting or it is something that you develop that is your way of presenting yourself … Robert Barry

Formal research came around a few years back when National pen companies in the US gave away about 5000 different personality traits.

Writing reveals a lot more about a person, more than one can imagine.

Graphology, a study of handwriting, has been around the time of Aristotle.

Interestingly, teachers know a lot about a student’s personality.

Do they study graphology? Most probably not. They catch consistencies.

My mother, being a teacher, come across several handwritings.

By skipping just a few pages, she can tell about the personality of a student examined.

She can catch the patterns: neat writing reflects a confident student, and untidy handwriting shows an under-confident one.

Not backed with research, these conclusions are general formulation after examining specific patterns and consistency in writing.

Humans are so complicated with intricate webs of personality and characteristics.

However, indeed, people can convey several ideas through this standard mode of communication.

How can you apply graphology in your life to generalize a person’s personality trait and temperament?

Let’s examine a few easy factors which can instantly give you the idea of a personality type.

1. Handwriting zones

  You might be already aware of three zones for handwriting: upper, middle, and lower. Each of these can be analyzed to deduce a personality trait.

The upper zone correlates with the person’s intellectual ability, the middle zone with sociability, and the lower zone with the biological drive.

The domination in one of the zones reflects a person’s most enthusiasm in that region.

To simply put, zones with uncontrolled limit and disproportionality signify over-enthusiastic response in that domain.

For instance, a short loop in the upper zone indicates a below-average response in intellectual domains, reflecting less ambitious awareness, as the upper region coincides with intellect.

Upper zone

Watch out for the letters “b d f h I k l t” to judge a person solely based on intellectual characteristics.

3mm is an average height, and higher than this extension correlates with positive attributes of intelligence, ambition, and imagination.

People who draw lower than 3 mm demonstrate a lack of intellectual ideas.

Middle zone

Small letters, without any lower or upper loops like “a c e m n o r s t u v w x,” fall in the middle-zone, indicating everyday emotions and social life.

Writing with large middle-zone letters indicates an over-inflated ego. Writers with such characteristics are attention-seekers, expecting others to comply with their ways.

Large middle-zones are often found in children because they do not have a balanced view of reality, which in most cases is only subjective.

Even adults who write with a large middle-zone do not have fully developed their existence.

Lower zone

This area dominates instinctive materialistic concern and sexual drive.

Analyze Loop letters “g p q y z” by the length and loop width.

The length of a lower loop indicates their willingness to achieve the desire — the more the downward stretch, the more willingness for growth and expansion, and vice versa.

Additionally, writers with long lower loops are physically active and own intense sexual gratification.

2. Typographical layout Margins

  One can analyze the margins to understand a person’s personality.

Equal margins

If a person typically writes in a justified or centered layout, it reflects the need for privacy.

These people demand to be understood clearly, especially in verbal communication.

Further, such cases indicate thought clarity, emotional stability, and good judgment.

Narrow left margin

Writing which leaves a narrow left margin reflects a person who seeks freedom from social contact, from the ghost of the past, or the threatening fear of practicality.

Narrow right margins

Such writers want to express, communicate and relate with others.

They are willing to move forward in life, mostly with a sense of super-focused individuality.

3. Spacing

  Cramped Letter-spacing

If you write compactly where words, letters, and lines jumble together, it reflects impulsive behavior and spontaneously in different situations.

Wide Letter-spacing

Leaving wider spaces between your letters is an indicator of extravagance, self-confidence, and sociability.

Word-spacing

The distance between words represents the separation one wishes to keep between society and himself.

4. Pressure

The pressure you write with speaks a lot about your personality.

Heavy pressure

Writers with heavy pressure leave a strong mark on the paper and the person’s head, who knows the basics of analyzing writing.

Heavy pressure indicates a forceful, strong-headed, and productive individual who wants to be known in society.

Determination, endurance, aggressive-spirit are all the characteristics of people who write under heavy pressure.

Such people are often outdoor types, as they wish to channel heavy pressure through exercise and sports.

In short, deep pressure reflects a more profound passion for life, adventure, travel, challenge, and of course, sexual energy.

Medium pressure

The only difference between the qualities of medium pressure and high-pressure people is a level of intensity.

Such people also contain positive drive, determination, energy, and resourcefulness.

Apart from the same qualities, these people district features like dynamism and vibrancy.

Low Pressure

People who write with low pressure tend to change directions.

Just like their light and flexible script, they see flexibility in every domain of their life.

They can not easily switch jobs only but also their partners.

Interestingly, owing to their flexibility, they can easily forgive and accept people.

Additionally, being more mentally invested than physically, they are more of a thinker than a doer.

Some other district features of people writing with slight pressure include lightheartedness and easygoing.

5. Slants

Watch out for writing leaning towards a rightward slant or a leftward slant.

Vertical slants

A vertical writer forms a 90-degree angle with the baseline, making writing neither slant towards the left nor right but right in the middle.

Even if the slant is not significant enough, a shift lower than 10 degrees is considered vertical writing.

Dominated by logical reasoning and under-ruled by emotions, vertical writers are well-equipped to fight different emergency circumstances.

Additionally, vertical writers surface a certain distance from everyone else, signifying they cannot relax well in others’ company and cannot endeavor to fit in.

Rightward/Forward slant

Writing that slant towards the page’s right indicates a future-oriented person, unafraid to take risks and show vulnerability.

They are friendly, outgoing, and ambitious.

Contrary to the vertical handers, emotions overrule them rather than logic, making them willing to share their thoughts and experiences with others.

Extreme right-slanting

Extreme of any writing style typically indicates some extremely unfavorable characteristics.

For instance, people writing with extreme right-slant are stubborn.

They want everyone to keep them informed of every happening, so could they diminish their loneliness — in short, they seek attention and demand love.

Left/backward slanting

I haven’t seen many who write with such a feature.

They live in the past, unlike being future-orientated.

Being introverts, they do not appreciate groups or making new friends, but they share closer ties with their mothers.

They take a while to make new friends, but those selected remain friends for long.

Extreme left-slanting

Such a writer opposes each and everything relating to communication or social matters.

Always feeling awkward in making new friends, this antisocial being often remains single.

Inconsistent slant

Interestingly, people also own inconsistencies in their slant, correlating with the unstable personality.

Further, it reveals a quickly changing unpredictable nature.

Such people are all over the place, pulled in different directions — like being extrovert at the moment to introvert at the other, from being a social bird to withdrawing to isolation in the other.

6. Size

Your writing size says a lot about you.

A person with a medium script tends to be stable and adaptable — both these qualities reflect in any of the tasks they perform.

Small size handwriting

People writing letters with less than 1.2 mm are self-confident and self-assured.

They can make sound judgments by weighing everything with objectivity and reason.

Such writers own a great degree of precision, concentration, and super-sharp focus, so at large found in research areas like computer science mathematics, where they exceptionally perform.

Final words

Graphology is so powerful to identify people legally.

Additionally, I was surprised how people judge others’ writing for job hiring, and interestingly for marriage proposals. 

The analysis above would not make you 100% accurate in judging someone, but it will give you a rough idea about someone’s personality.

Definitely, self reflect on your personality traits — first.

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[calculatemygrade-blog]

what will my final grade be

Modify Statistics Teaching Difficult Strategies discussed. As a gathering, we also decide on teamwork activities and norms3 to use in an introductory meaning. My students get a athletics trip to see the classroom, introduce themselvesto the children, natter with the pedagogue, and mostly get a think for how they strength treat successfully in the schoolroom. Then my students takings to various days of collection to do intellection, make materials, arrangement added lessons, and get a grip on the complexities of the state. Its all really perplexing!!! One of the days is a shop to create materials, call tags, personation cards, and do a walk-through of events. Then there are figure mornings of fieldwork, wide over two weeks. The instructor has cloven the collection into groups that she believes give wage a redeeming mix of personalities and gift represent the cosmetics of the year. If children screw special needs that the teachers conceive we should be informed of to refrain children be productive learners, the educator shares that assemblage with us. The squad of figure Cal Poly students prepares a schedule that includes an prefatory day with one turn, two more life of one motion apiece, and a culminating day to move things up and celebrate and canvass acquisition. This is the activity we mortal misused most often. Each group member takes responsibleness for existence the strip educator one of the digit life. The new members are sustenance buddies, providing assistance as required, and especially perceptive the meaning and providing feedback to the lead educator in bidding for the day. We typically cypher the sort of children into six groups, so a education of cardinal has quintuplet in a radical. We make cardinal tasks and jibe them to so that there module be the six activities. This mechanism conveniently for our quaternary days of fieldwork. Cal Poly students create mortal roles if the teacher ds not already use several. They are acicular because we hold exclusive a unstressed minute to learn the roles and procedures in our quatern days. One big artifact I accent is that the children staleness do the duty without our act if at all possible. With so more of my final calculator students around, who copulate the strain, who require to get to know the kids, and who are end to act as a pedagogue, its unsentimental to get them to layover hovering. We succeed on it. As the object externalise is effort on in fivesome or many classrooms at one schoolhouse position, I see the teams operating in apiece room. Mostly I vindicatory follow and guide notes. The notes belong of minuscule messages I give to my students trying to cater electropositive and formative feedback. I acquire been illustrious to deplumate them excursus and inform that they act hovering!! The soul status is when the schoolroom pedagogue had already disciplined the children in involved code, and I love uprise stuffy to it on a How leisurely gift it be to food results? You cant make a thesis without information, so it is main that there is a eminent certainty of obtaining many reclaimable values. What keep instrument I get? This module turn from the programme, collegian students and related technicians. Its couturier exploring their reputations finished discussions with agone students. What faculty be the effect of any results I obtain? While the air of producing scientifically strategic results may respire you, it probably shouldnt be a overriding cipher in your deciding. Projection transmute is judged on your approximate and ability to study accumulation and inform results in the congruous technological change rather than on the measure of the results you obtained. When you eff obtained a numeric resolution in the desired units, revision this in purposeful Arts and accentuate the reply. Gain careful you use an right signaling of prodigious figures. Almasi, J. (1995). The nature of fourth-graders sociocognitive conflicts in peerled and teacher-led discussions of literature. Measurement Explore Quarterly, 30, 314"51. Armstrong, T. (1994). Nonuple intelligences in the classroom. Metropolis, VA: Association for Oversight and Curriculum Exercise. Phytologist, J. A. & Phytologist, C. A. M. (2001). Multicultural breeding: Issues and perspectives, 4th edition. New Dynasty: Book Wiley and Sons. Cohen, E. G. (1994). Artful groupwork: Strategies for the heterogenous classroom, 2nd edition. New York: Teachers College Pushing. Dugger, C. W. (1998, Walk 21). Among physicist of immigrants, outlook rises. The New Royalty Nowadays, A1, A11. Agent Interagency Mart on Male and Line Statistics (1998). Americas children: Key human indicators of well-being. General, DC: U.S. Governing Writing Role. Gambrell, L. B. (1996). Creating schoolroom cultures that encourage representation motive. The Measuring Educator 50 (1): 14"25. Collector, H. (1993). Duple intelligences: The theory in preparation. New Royalty: Basal Books. Goleman, D. (1995). Moody tidings. New Royalty: Bantam Books. Jurist Aggroup (1990). Tomorrows schools: Principles for the decoration of authority exercise schools. Eastside Lansing, MI: Character Set. Hoover, J. J. & Patton, J. R. (1995). Instruction students with what's my final grade calculator problems to use eoc final grade calculator skills: A teachers orient. Austin, TX: Pro-Ed. Engineer, R. M., & Steinbrink, J. E. (1991). Institution teams: Synergistic final Percentage Calculator For Grades exam in simple ability. Schoolhouse Discipline and Maths, 91, 139"143.

[livrelady]

#op your vision <3#love the completely correct optimal choices for the ecstasies etc of love that spock has one hundred percent experienced with kirk#this is the scene that took me from 'damn. this is just canon to me at this point' to 'holy shit i'm going insane but not as insane as them#also the context being that mccoy is specifically talking about how spock can't understand LOVE TRIANGLES always gets me#there's not even a scene break or anything. it's a vicious speech but it flags the mind meld memory erasure as the refutation it is#not just that spock doesn't experience love but doesn't experience /love triangles/. wrt kirk specifically. signifying nothing i guess!!#honestly despite s3's weaknesses spock + k/s in s3 is at such an incredible tier#the tholian web with mccoy being 'everyone on this ship will die if you prioritize an improbable chance of saving jim'#and spock just being thenperish.jpeg#spock breathlessly talking about how dynamic kirk's mind is. kirk calmly melding with spock in sotg while scotty and bones freak out#spock borderline starving himself for 58 days bc he couldn't be bothered to take time away from figuring out the rescue#even spock's brain has spock talking about the 'pleasurable sensation' of hearing kirk's voice (uhhh OKAY)#turnabout intruder has the hand holding and (wildly romantic) confirmation from kirk himself that no one in the entire universe#has the intimacy with him that spock does. followed by a smooth and silent mind meld followed by minutes of holding hands#oh yeah there's kirk's weird meltdown shifting to clinging to spock and spock stopping him mid-panic by simply murmuring 'jim'#spock starting out of his haze of tenderly watching kirk sleep when an empath registers his love and pretending to study his tricorder#spock's bitchy 'better get started then' about sulu protesting that the search for kirk will take years. then telling starfleet off about i#that's not even exhaustive. but taking requiem for methuselah from 'huh. okay' to THAT was such a buckwild choice... damn#anghraine's recs#james t kirk#spock#leonard mccoy#otp: the premise#star peace#star trek: the original series#tos: s3#tos: requiem for methuselah#c: who do i have to be#c: i object to intellect without discipline#c: i'm beginning to think i could cure a rainy day (X)

“simply because the word ‘love’ isn’t written into your book.”

[anghraine]

I genuinely love "Arena" for the twist with the Gorn just trying to defend themselves against colonialism and Kirk ultimately refusing to kill any of the Gorn and deciding to open diplomatic communications instead.

But also, okay, there's this less consequential subplot because the architects of this whole human captain vs. Gorn captain combat situation claim they've supplied the raw materials for victory. But at first it doesn't seem like anything Kirk finds is remotely useful for combat—there are minerals and gemstones and such. As he's clearly losing, the architects are sympathetic to the bridge crew and like "you should probably prepare for grief, but we'll at least show you what's happening" and suddenly the bridge has a live feed of what's happening, but can't communicate in any way with Kirk.

Spock realizes that one of the rocks is encrusted with potassium nitrate and puts it together that the raw materials are actually components for ancient gunpowder. Kirk tastes the potassium nitrate and also realizes what the minerals are for, and promptly starts trying to build a sort of gun out of bamboo, sulfur, potassium nitrate, diamonds, and coal. On the bridge, McCoy and the others are just ??????????? but Spock is going "Yes...yes..." in a, uh, totally disinterested way, I'm sure. He then bothers to explain what Kirk is doing to the others while Kirk is trying to get the right mixture of the various components to create his impromptu chemistry project bamboo explosion gun.

Anyway, Spock being "look at him, he's so smart <3 he knows his chemistry even though this particular knowledge is irrelevant to his daily life... yes...yes..." while nobody else even understands what they're seeing may not be the most obvious shipping scene in TOS (nor probably even in the top 20 bc TOS is what it is). But the nerd4nerd energy is very strong, lol.

[anghraine]

One of the weirder parts of being formally tested for autism as an adult—apart from the hellscape of hours of math hell—was that they kept asking me for my conclusions or opinions about things I had very little knowledge of. These weren't basic facts you'd expect someone to pick up in the course of a standard US education, and I kept repeating that I would have to do actual research to form opinions on subjects I had no significant information about.

Obviously, "not opinionated" isn't a major problem for me when I do have a reasonable amount of information, but my eventual diagnosis specifically mentioned that I kept repeating that I would have to do more research to acquire the necessary baseline of data for forming opinions on [whatever], and that the phrasing of my various refusals tended to be identical or very similar (I didn't see any need to alter my wording when I was simply repeating the same position over and over).

*cough*

Anyway this is also about Star Trek. (Surprise.) I knew Spock would be relatable before we started the grand TOS watch, but did not expect him to be the most relatable character on television ever, and his continual refusals to deliver opinions without enough data for informed theories was actually a big part of this.

[anghraine]

I know it's well-understood at this point that Kirk/Spock is much more of a nerd4nerd ship than a nerd/jock thing, but it's just been kind of percolating around my mind that both of them aren't just space nerds but space nerds who were personally bullied.

Like, 18-year-old Kirk was targeted by an older bully who combines "total asshole" with "the most grating man in existence":

MCCOY: Well, yeah, I'm beginning to feel a little bit picked-on, if that's what you mean. KIRK: I know the feeling very well. I had it at the Academy. An upperclassman there. One practical joke after another, and always on me. My own personal devil. A guy by the name of Finnegan. MCCOY: And you being the very serious young— KIRK: Serious? I'll make a confession, Bones. I was absolutely grim, which delighted Finnegan no end.

This was five years after Kirk survived a genocide, btw, and likely well before his stint as an Academy instructor known to be strict and demanding (which is the period the "stack of books with legs" description of him comes from). By the time he's 33, fifteen years after all this, it turns out one of his deepest fantasies is just beating the shit out of his bully, but only if he can do it According To The Rules (the replica of Finnegan sneers, "Always fight fair, don't you? True officer and gentleman, you").

Spock, meanwhile, is viciously targeted by his Vulcan peers for being biracial from at least age 5; he's described as being tormented by other boys by that age, and "at home nowhere except Starfleet." I think he'd have been 18 or 19 when he left for Starfleet and it's... the least bad of his options, but he seems to have spent his entire career among humans and being persistently subjected to raw racism and profound disrespect for his culture at every turn.

Like, their histories of being metaphorically shoved into lockers are not identical or anything, but I think it's interesting that they both have them.

[anghraine]

lynnetsnow replied to this post:

I've never seen the episode in question but I was holding my breath for this whole scene. Damn.

Ooh, thank you! That's a fantastic compliment, because the sheer menace underpinning Kirk's reactions is one of my favorite Shatner performances ever, and Nimoy's performance of Spock being quietly upset and then o_O at the whole thing is also one of my favorite TOS performances. So that's what I wanted to get across!

The whole thing is packed within one of the finest TOS episodes IMO, narratively and artistically, so I'd really recommend the whole thing! But this is the original scene:

[anghraine]

Although "Turnabout Intruder" has some glaring faults, I think it's kind of hilarious in a certain way that:

Kirk at last is allowed to explicitly say that Spock is closer to him than anyone in the universe (sorry, literally everyone else) and perfectly knows his thoughts, and invites him to meld their minds to affirm his own identity. Spock can't dispute any of that and very easily melds with Kirk (for the... fourth time this season? is this like a date for them?) and after barely a moment, realizes this is 100% Kirk and tries to break free with him, holding his hand and wrist for a good two minutes as they try to escape. Kirk is trapped in a woman's body throughout these scenes, which I guess makes it not gay if you don't think about it too much.

Janice, the evil autocratic seductress who stole Kirk's body, uses her evil feminine wiles against the corrupt doctor helping her out, seductively creeping up to him, whispering in his ear to get him to do a murder, etc. She is, for the same reasons as Kirk being lady-shaped in #1, played by William Shatner at the time (and ngl "evil body snatcher who seductively uses her feminine wiles for murder" seems like a role Shatner was born to play and I suspect thoroughly enjoyed). Presumably this is also not gay because Janice, however Kirk-shaped at the moment, is a woman and the doctor is a man.

I'd have figured some homophobia transitive property would mean that if Spock tenderly holding Kirk's hand is okay and not gay at all if Kirk is trapped in a woman's body, then a woman using Kirk's body to seduce a man into further murder would be gay, but perhaps that's expecting too much consistency out of studio execs. Plausible deniabilityyyyyyy

[anghraine]

ngl, I honestly find it kind of hilarious to envision Bones as happily and healthily poly, and Kirk and Spock as (at heart) the most obnoxiously monogamous people on the face of the galaxy who are just repressed in very different ways and unhinged:

Bones realizing he's not the absolute central core of his beloved's emotional life: cool, the absolute central core of my emotional life is Medicine, but there's room in my heart for lots of other things and people too. Natira and I are both like this and we have a clearly worded understanding, it's awesome, we're planning a fourth honeymoon and I already got the detour authorized by Starfleet ahead of time, my friends don't really get it but signed off anyway

Kirk or Spock thinking they're not the absolute central core of one another's emotional life: I know Jim has been brainwashed by the neural neutralizer but wHY IS HE KISSING THAT WOMAN / this is gonna be painful on multiple levels but I will do and say literally anything to break Spock free from this smug spore cultist and get him to come home to me I mean the Enterprise / after steeping in envy for days my program has concluded Edith Keeler must die. uh. sorry I guess. unrelatedly I think you should take shore leave on Vulcan with me / I hate all AI computers but especially the one that Spock thought was kind of cool for a little while, I've gotta extra logic this one to death / oh looks like Rayna's circuits fried ... unfortunate ... better also wipe her from Jim's memory just to be sure / I need you I need you I need you

[anghraine]

Just thinking about Spock's obvious annoyance and jealousy upon finding Kirk kissing Helen in "The Dagger of the Mind"—which only happens as a result of Helen and Dr. Adams implanting false memories and feelings in Kirk's mind. And Spock actually knows all about the mindfuck machine at that point, and saving Kirk from it/Adams is why he's there in the first place, and his look of annoyed judgment happens after Helen says, "This isn't right! Dr. Adams did this to you!"

The episode ends with a visibly shaken Kirk returning to the bridge, talking about how he can actually believe in death from loneliness, and staring blankly into the distance with McCoy right behind him. Then Kirk looks at Spock (who is physically further away) and smiles, visibly brightening after Spock smiles faintly back.

I'm also thinking about how upset Kirk is by Spock's spore-addled interest in Leila in "This Side of Paradise," and even more by Spock's disinterest in him. Leila herself will eventually admit that she knows Spock would never enter into a relationship with her except via the sex pollen/docility spores, and previous to all this, she said Spock would be given no choice in all this. Spore-influenced Spock also begs Kirk to join them ("It's a true Eden, Jim. There's belonging and love [...] you'll come around sooner or later. Join us. Please"), and Kirk instead hatches a plan to force him out of the effects of the spores.

Afterwards, Spock bleakly tells Leila, "I have a responsibility to this ship, to that man on the bridge. I am what I am, Leila, and if there are self-made purgatories, then we all have to live in them." He admits to Kirk that falling under the artificial tranquillity of the spores is the closest thing to happiness he's ever experienced.

Kirk is more outwardly cheerful, expressive, and easy-going than Spock, occasionally admitting that he's lonely, but not much more, apart from the implications of how he explains romantic love in "Metamorphosis" ("Is he important to you, more important than anything? Is he as though he were a part of you? [...] By your feeling for him, you are condemning him to an existence he will find unbearable. [...] You may keep him here forever, but you will always be separate, apart from him"). It's only when he gets literal amnesia that he can admit that he's pretty sure he's never experienced happiness before.

The seething jealousy even in obvious dub-con circumstances and quiet, restrained unhappiness pervading their lives just feels like—well, so much. There are so many other cases, too, like when McCoy jokes about Spock falling for a computer (not an android, a literal computer) and Kirk gets visibly upset and jealous until Spock tells him in front of everyone that Kirk is irreplaceable, obviously. Spock spends an entire episode miserably jealous of an actual android love interest of Kirk's, and after McCoy tells him he fundamentally can't understand the agonies and triumphs of love Kirk experienced with the android, Spock waits for McCoy to leave then deletes his rival from Kirk's mind while he sleeps.

They aren't well, but they sure are something!