#can i get a hell yeah for sexy lesbian vampire ladies

[gweyson]

avery 1, 15, whitney 4, 12, nora 7, 24, ariel 13, 27, oleander 29, 30, leon 3, 8, min jung 10, 14, caleb 6, 21 -w-

(01) Is your OC superstitious?

yes but its more that hes a coward whos scared of everything and wants to avoid anything happening

(15) What form does/would your OC’s familiar take?

a red panda maybe... idk why it just feels right. or a cat! but one of the really lazy ones

(04) How would your OC react if they broke a mirror?

she’d play it cool but internally shed be panicking klfglkd

(12) Does your OC know any magic? If so, is it a natural talent or a learned skill?

she can manipulate water but she cant create it.... it’s a natural thing and shes constantly rubbing that in leons face

(07) Would your OC ever go cryptid hunting? Why or why not?

yes because she thinks theyre cool!!! she wants to be friends with bigfoot

(24) Does your OC believe in the existence of extraterrestrials? Why or why not?

she does. idk why she does it just feels like something thats right for her

(13) What would your OC say would be their favorite use for magic?

do you have any idea how many puns you can get from lightning magic?

(27) Would your OC allow a vampire into their home?

“why hello there sexy vampire lady i didnt see you there ;)”

(29) How likely is it that your OC would be charmed by and fall prey to mermaids?

im. honestly very torn between it being Extremely likely or not likely at all

(30) What supernatural creature would your OC most prefer to be?

some kind of shapeshifter maybe? im not too sure tbh.... maybe a siren

(03) What would your OC do if a black cat crossed their path?

hed just ignore it

(08) What does your OC think about ghosts?

if you ask him he’ll go on and on about how theyre dumb and hes not scared of thm but like. if he even thinks he sees something out of the corner of his eye he practically shrieks

(10) Would your OC ever go ghost hunting? Why or why not?

hell yeah.... shed go out with a cute girl and then when the girl got scared thats when min jung swoops in with the Comforting Hand Hold. pro lesbian strats

(14) Has/would your OC ever made a deal with a magical or supernatural entity?

she has never before. uh if given the chance she’d probably put a lot of thought into it but ultimately decide not to

(06) What is your OC’s favorite cryptid?

he thinks cryptids are dumb and this is why hes my worst character

(21) Has your OC ever attended a seance or used a ouiji board? What happened?

he did it once at a party and another time to try and impress a girl but nothing happened either of those times

[analogscum]

BLOODY MOON (1981, d. Jess Franco)

You can lobby a lot of criticisms at Jess Franco, and I say that as a fan of his films. Detractors have labeled him a pornographer, a misogynist, a con man, and the devil incarnate. However, when you consider the man behind the work, I can’t help but admire his integrity. Franco could’ve easily coasted his entire career, doing the sort of weirdo Hammer knock-offs that he first made his name with. But he left it all behind, moving to France to escape the censorship of his native Spain, while also foregoing the cushy budgets and box office grosses that he had enjoyed. Yes, he gave this all up to make twisted tales of bondage nuns and lesbian vampires full of gratuitous nudity and S&M, often inspired by his obsession with the works of the Marquis de Sade, which may not strike you as all that noble. But Franco’s dedication to his craft above all else embodies what I love about cult cinema: as I discussed in the Hard Rock Zombies entry, these movies were made by people who stuck to their artistic guns, no matter how noncommercial they were. Above all else, Jess Franco cared about making Jess Franco films. At least for awhile.

Even without knowing the behind the scenes story of today’s film, 1981’s Bloody Moon, you can probably tell just by watching it that this was a money for hire job. Enticed by Wolf Hartwig and Erich Tomek, a pair of German producers with some lofty promises and bucketloads of cash — which were probably very enticing at the time, given the fact that he and his first wife, Nicole Guettard, had just divorced — Franco gave in to the zeitgeist, signing on to craft an American-style teen slasher film for the German marketplace, if you can imagine such a thing. However, it didn’t quite work out that way. To watch Bloody Moon is to watch an idiosyncratic auteur thumb his nose at a genre that he obviously sees as hopelessly formulaic, while also injecting a heaping dose of breathy Eurosleaze into the proceedings, almost as if he can’t help it. In other words, Franco gonna Franco.

We open on, what else, a disco dancing party. Miguel, a Klaus Kinski-looking creepoid with a huge facial scar that resembles fried chicken, is looking at his sister all weird. His sister, Manuela, is like, yo don’t look at me like that, I’m your sister, so yeah, the movie goes THERE immediately. Bummed out over being rejected by his sister, Miguel steals a Mickey Mouse mask and starts to mack on a lady who’s not a blood relative. She invites him back to her bungalow for some horizontal bedroom dancing, but when she takes off his Mickey Mouse mask, she’s, shall we say, less than enthused about Miguel’s fried chicken face. Oh, and she thought that he was her boyfriend, so this is basically how that gag (with like twelve quotation marks around the word gag) from Revenge of the Nerds would turn out in real life. Miguel is also, shall we say, less than enthused by this young lady’s screaming, so he stabs her a bunch of times with a pair of scissors. Glad to see we’ve come so far in terms of dealing with toxic masculinity!

Cut to: five years later. A doctor, played by Jess Franco himself, is like, hey Manuela, your brother is way less murder crazy now, so I’m going to release him into your care, just make sure he’s spared from any sort of excitement, like the constant temptation of having nubile young co-eds around to murder, anyway, byeeeee! Well, oopsies, because as it turns out, Miguel and Manuela live with their invalid billionaire aunt, who leases her land out to an organization called the International Youth Club Boarding School for Languages (you graduate when you’re able to say the name of the school without getting tripped up), which is crawling with gorgeous buh-buh-buh-baaaaaabes who are always dancing sexily and lounging topless around the pool when they’re not learning Spanish for like 5 minutes a day. Great. Things nearly go to hell immediately when, on the train home, Miguel becomes fixated on a young lady named Angela, and when Manuela sees a silk scarf stuck in the window, she somehow thinks that Miguel pushed her out of the train while her back was turned for two seconds. But then Angela gets up, and explains, to these two total strangers, that she had just dropped something on the floor and was bending down to pick it up. This is going somewhere. Cue the next paragraph!

Easily the biggest problem with this movie is the dialogue. This is the rare movie that manages to both show AND tell at the same time, as if we the audience were complete dummies. Characters are constantly talking about their relationships to one another, or narrating events that just happened seconds ago. And the dubbing in this movie…good gravy. Every character talks almost nonstop, no matter what the situation, whether they’re together or alone, in these breathless, dramatically overwrought monologues, delivered at a furious clip, full of the most flowery language. It sounds as though the movie was dubbed by some alien computer technology whose language database consisted of nothing but quotes from John Waters movies.

So as it turns out, Angela is heading to the language school to join her friends in sexy hijinks, but whoops, she has to live in the bungalow where Miguel went all scissor-happy back in the day. And gosh, wouldn’t you know it, but as soon as Miguel makes the scene at this school again, people start turning up dead. Good news, though: this movie delivers on the kills. We get to see the mean old invalid aunt get burned alive in her bed, one of Angela’s friends gets stabbed in the back and the knife pokes out through her nipple, another friend is choked by some sort of like bear trap thing, and then there’s the coup de grace, when yet another friend is beheaded by a giant circular saw. Hell yeah. On the other hand, there’s a really cruel, unnecessary scene in which a snake is beheaded by a pair of garden shears. Leave the critters alone!

For whatever reason, no one believes Angela when she’s like yo all of my friends are being murdered, because she, uh, is reading a murder mystery novel, so it must be all in her imagination? It makes no sense, but then again Angela doesn’t exactly endear herself to us by running around all over creation having a nervous breakdown. I know they can’t all be Ellen Ripley, but cheese and crackers, cut the damsel in distress act, woman! Along the way, we hit all of the major slasher plot moments: the killer POV shots, the jumping cat fakeout scare, the last girl stumbling upon the intricately posed corpses of her friends, etc. You can practically feel Franco smirking each time a scene like this happens. This leads to a final act straight out of a giallo movie, full of crazy twists and double crosses and escalating violence.

And then there is the soundtrack. One lofty promise made by Hartwig & Tomek to Franco was that Pink Floyd were slated to provide the film’s soundtrack. Yes, THAT Pink Floyd. Why Franco would believe that these German snake oil salesmen had corralled the biggest rock band in the world at the time to do a soundtrack for their no-budget horror flick I honestly don’t know. The music was eventually done by an Austrian gentleman named Gerhard Heinz, and Franco has gone on record saying it is his least favorite part of the film. However, I quite enjoy it. There is a great variety of motifs and sounds, from lounge exotica to demonic strings to Stockhausen style bleeps and bloops. And then of course, there is the film’s main theme, which does indeed sound like something that could’ve conceivably been an outtake from the Wish You Were Here sessions.

To wrap up my take on Bloody Moon, I wanna cede the floor to the master himself. Click here to watch an excellent, highly entertaining interview with Franco, shot in his home for Severin’s DVD release of the film from 2007. Beginning in charming fashion with second wife and collaborative muse Lina Romay grabbing her purse and leaving for the afternoon, Franco chain smokes about a thousand cigarettes and regals us with many an entertaining anecdote from behind the scenes of Bloody Moon, including the one promise the producers did keep to him (casting Olivia Pascal as Angela), the true identity of mysterious screenwriter “Rayo Casablanca” (co-producer Erich Tomek), the fact that he indeed did treat the film as more of a tongue-in-cheek venture (much to the producers’ chagrin), and the horrifying and inaccurate title the film was saddled with for its release in Spain (get ready for it…Raped College Girls. Yikes!) It’s sad to watch the interview knowing that Franco would only be with us for another five years. But that’s the thing with artists as prolific and driven as he was: it will take a lifetime to digest the twisted feast that is his body of work. We may have covered an outlier today, but perhaps it’s enough to get you started on exploring the sumptuous, problematic, bizarre, and wonderful world of Jess Franco.

[themanicgalaxy]

SPN 1X20 Dead Man’s Blood

this sounds vaguely like a plot episode, so uh let’s see how this goes

god i can’t believe this is only the second episode I’ve been able to watch this weekend, I am a Failure

So this Mr. Elkins guy looks like he might be a Hunter? maybe?

ooo lady in leather jacket

I don’t care if she’s evil, she’s pretty

Please don’t tell me Mr. Elkins is their “dinner plans”

HER EYES CATCH ON THE LIGHT LIKE A CAT THAT’S SUCH A COOL EFFECT

Ah silver bullets, ok VAMPIRE TIME BABIEEEEEE

Listen, Vampires sexy and I can’t bring myself to watch Vampire Diaries, this is what I got

Dean is trying to get Sam to go back to Sarah ha

DO IT SHE’S BADASSSSS

ok see the fact that Dean just knew he saw the name Elkins in his dad’s journal: how many times has he read that journal?? 

Also the way he just Knew it was a Colorado area code, that’s a cool skill, I want that skill

also I was right, hunter, but yeah he had the journal with the symbols and such, it was kinda obvious

the ~spooky figure~ is watching them

is it john? it’s john isn’t it

I like this “detective work outside the law” vibe, 

with the etching of the scratches and the paper and the blood on the other side? ah yes the Good Shit

oh look it’s John I did not miss him

The “Sam argues with dad while Dean gets quiet” is....I don’t know how to say it, but older siblings tend to do it

it’s familiar is my point

*cinema sins voice* “If you’re reading this I’m dead cliche” DING

yOu wOn’T knOw it’S a VampiRE these motherfuckers wear all leather and their eyes glint when the light catches them, it’s not that hard?

okok lore: thought to be extinct, cross or stake do nothing, real bloodlust and the fangs are more spiky dentures that grow in

I like the fact that the myth gets garbled and no one’s entirely sure what’s going on, that feels very realistic

Dean: vampires...gets funnier every time I hear it 

Boi wait till u meet ur angel bf

oOO John’s comments about ruining the car hit, you can tell, sibling thinks it’s nothing, fucking CHRIST 

I hate John

"treats us like children” flhasofa

“you’re ok with entirely surrendering to dad” “if that’s what it takes” SFDHAPSI DEAN OH MY GOD UR DAD SUCKS

vampire wears a cross as a “fuck you” I think? That’s pretty badass

“wait for Luther the Vampire” great that’s certainly a Name for the vampire king or whatever

The captive girl spit in his face, good for her

I mean she’s probably gonna die but whatever at least she’s got some kind of something

This luther vampire guy looks like an eboy

HE’S GOT THE FUCKING ASIAN TATTOOS TO PROVE IT AHAHAAH

Dean is playing peacekeeper that’s Unfortunate and it SUCKS

the “YOU SAID DON’T COME BACK’ ADSFHASIPFSIP

force feeds her blood with a...lesbian kiss...I feel like as far as humanizing lgbt people this did not do a good job at that

I mean again, super mega hell, it’s not like I’m that surprised

oh yay beheading time 

is John gonna stick around the rest of the season? Noooo

At least he dies

“yes Sir,” DEAN HE’S NOT A SIR STOP THAT

oooo Old Hunter Lore from the 1830s and the pentacle insignia, that’s pretty cool

they’re really just...gonna walk in there....

why the fuck do they sleep in hammocks that’s like the weirdest shit I’ve ever heard

UR VAMPIRES GO GET YOUR COFFINS

And of course, the vampire leader sleeps in a bed, what lore are they even drawing from here

The drinking vampire blood IS something from actual lore, from what I can tell, but it’s like....kinda jumbled? so they’re picking and choosing

although that is how most lore things work

oh god Sam and John 1 on 1 I don’t like this 

Ok so John did plan for college? then what was his Damage

“stopped being your father, became your drill sergeant” YEP YEP THAT’S IT THAT’S NOT HOW YOU PARENT

this sounds like Hargreeves. Or my dad sometimes, depending on his mood

god i hope no one ever sees this

Dean’s really the only one that hasn’t had a love interest die in a horrible way yet has he

Cas get in here

“whatever happened to that college fund” “Spent it on ammo” 

F U C K 

Are...they...using Dean as bait? is that the plan

dead man’s blood? oh that’s a COOL AS SHIT ELEMENT I LIKE THAT

vampires...mate for life? WHAT??

I feel like Sam also wants the family to be together but has no way to handle it like Dean might

poor older sibling syndrome

OHO? DEAN STANDS UP TO HIM?

THE FUCKING VOICE QUIVERS WHEN HE SAYS “all due respect, that’s a bunch of crap...you sent us on these trips yourself....you can’t be that worried about us”

F U C K 

DEAN JUST WANTS HIS FATHER NOT TO DIE?? AFTER EVERYTHING?

JOHN YOU SELFISH PRICK

SIBLING SOLIDARITY YESYES Y E S STAND UP TO YOUR DAD TOGETHER

Ah fuck I’m either tearing up or there’s something stuck in my throat

This fucking vampire with the sideburns what the hell

“boo” Smacks with baseball bat

Have I mentioned how much I love Dean? I don’t think I have yet, I love him

THE EYES GLOWING IS STILL SO GOOD AND CRYPTID-Y

at least the lady is wearing something nice

does the Rage Switch and Bloodlust and Sexiness just fucking happen? what the fuck?

Luther the Vampire has a nice jacket, that’s a nice blue jacket with accents

oh John’s getting pummeled? should i care

ah wait this is gonna hurt the characters I actually care about, I guess I’ll halfheartedly root for him

oh for CHRIST’S SAKE YOU PICK N O W TO START THE “we have as much right as you do to live” Debate when you LITERALLY MADE THEM STRAIGHT UP CORRUPTY VILLAINS AND FRAMED THEM THAT WAY THE ENTIRE TIME? IS THE POINT YOU’RE N O T SUPPOSED TO THINK ABOUT IT? WHAT THE FUCK

did sam just say sir? and Dean not?? CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT or SOMETHING??!!

ok listen, the “We’ll go together” Sam smile, Dean looking dead/dissociating as they say yes sir? hits DIFFERENT

Ok uh wrap up?

1. Vampire lore was HELLA interesting, with the eyes glowing, dead man’s blood, second set of fangs cool. The “mate for life” thing was WEIRD, and how garbled the myth got was kinda the point so I liked it right up until the end. The one strange thing is the woman acted INSTANTLY evil once she got turned, and then they framed like people trying to live their lives was a bad thing by reinforcing it both with the visuals and the story. So like 10/10 except for the last ten minutes(hell I’ll even take the hammocks, that was kinda funny), which were just...why

actually speaking of lore, the hunter network lore and stuff was also really fun, I liked that. Again, all good except for the ending bit as far as lore

2. John....fuck john....fuck him so much I hate him so much what the hell

3. In all honesty, we haven’t gotten a lot of Dean recently, and getting that again(with that killer performance holy SHIT) is just? Oh my god?? The way they both handle being with their dad in different ways? Dean playing peacekeeper and desperately trying not to rock the boat because the oldest tends to get more shit? the hardcore dissociation at the end????

Listen I’m an older sister, of course I’m gonna project at least a little bit, leave me alone he’s my favorite emotionally stunted character 

I guess we’re coming up on the end of the season, and tbh, the only good part about this is that it means john will die soon. That’s gonna be a Time. ok, till next time wheeeeee